Author Topic: The first time they talked  (Read 12826 times)

The first time they talked
« on: May 22, 2015, 02:02:47 PM »
More of a question to hosts this time, wow.

So, vocality. One of those major stages when creating a tulpa and one many seem to consider as being one of the more important ones - and don't get me wrong, actually being able to communicate with that other person in your head makes things a lot easier.

But how was it for you? Especially early on in tulpa communities, mind voice wasn't really a thing and the first speech you were supposed to get was a hallucination, a real voice out of nowhere wow thing. Not really the way it ended up being for many of us, so I felt like this could be an interesting thing for the new folks to read to see how it actually went.

For me, definitely not the kind of a wow experience I was led to believe, though luckily at this point we did understand that mind voice was a thing. The tupper had pretty much been mute for a long time, I was already willing to believe that he probably was sapient and all that, and we had some simple non-verbal communication stuff going on. It took us a while to get to a point where I actually had a conversation with him and it wasn't like we did anything special really. A lot about vocality and actually hearing the tulpa might be about you having to convince yourself that it will happen first and foremost, but I digress.

It was a very basic conversation and I can't even really remember the exact words, so no first words coming from me here. Stuff like "can you speak" and "is it you" and "is it really you" because really? He seemed very similar to myself and I wasn't all that convinced. Definitely not an amazing experience. I had done the same before really with those other forms of communicating, not all that convinced and accepting that it could have easily been me, but that it could have been him as well so I never outright ignored anything. With his speech, I gave him the same treatment, questioned it but never ignored. I listened and talked until I felt like I had enough proof that yeah, guess it wasn't all just me in the end. That it actually was different, even if just slightly.

And good that I did, I guess. Doubt I would be where I am now if I had ignored all of it right away, but being careful about it was good too. I feel like had I accepted it right away, I might have started questioning it later like many people do and have nothing to fall back on then.

Re: The first time they talked
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2015, 02:30:06 PM »
You know, I really can't remember an exact first time. I think it was a very gradual fade-in, but I don't think I ever really questioned whether it was 'really her' or whatever, because you know, we were having boring conversations and everything. I just kinda teased it in and did most of the talking, no sweat really - I guess having the expectation that communication would eventually be 'something stronger', hallucination, took the pressure off somewhat, even though that never really came out. But eh, I was never much one for 'doubts', maybe because I stayed off the forum until a while after vocality really set in, but it felt autonomous and I wasn't really forcing it, so it didn't really occur to me that it was 'just me'; I knew what 'just me' felt like, it felt like the other side of the conversation, it was different. I guess the feeling was kind of a direct continuity from what I was narrating to and visualising before words happened, so yeah, that kind of questioning just didn't occur to me.

Re: The first time they talked
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2015, 02:37:18 PM »
vocality came pretty quick for yucky and almost instantly for sen and it doesn't mean shit, you can imagine any character talking and it's whatever. yuki was like 3 or 4 weeks into the process when she started speaking and it was mostly trope-y anime shit which I cringed about but I was way too excited to cringe so I was happy about it. in the first week of forcing I had this crazy audio hallucination that said "hi my name" which is only matched by the sickest hypnopompic hallucinations, but I digress............. tupper talking doesn't mean too much, I think, especially when they start talking early like what happened to me. it still took about half a year for yuki to feel very believable to me, and a bit less for sen. it's a gradual process where they become more of a person than before, not something where whoa le tupper is talking this is the point where it is real. I still don't know whether I'm in the tuppers are sentient epic camp or the imagination fede camp but in any case I can blissfully sleep as they possess so it's all good

Re: The first time they talked
« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2015, 07:17:24 AM »
I can easily imagine. But maybe I shouldn't. Remember the teachings of the wise Zen master: in anime land, anime things happen. Never watch anime and expect non-anime events to unfold.
I stopped watching anime entirely after Yuki came along, and that's probably for the best. Animes are fun to watch, and to interact with to a certain degree, but being more regular people has made my grills more interesting. Of course, they still have some anime tendencies at times, but whatever, it's cute.

My mindset is just a categorisation to help create a distinction between yourself and the imagination, which can be anything. Imagination can be advanced; I never intended to use the term "derogatorily", as if categorising an imagined entity suddenly makes it "unsentient" and a NOT-REAL PERSON. As a baseline, you can only trust yourself – solipsism and DID aside – and once you start trusting your imagination, it can potentially lead to delusional outcomes, depending on how vivid it is.

It becomes even more problematic once you start swapping your identity around with another one imagined into existence, and the "you" in "you and your imagination" loses its meaning. Whoever or whatever is controlling the body becomes arbitrary, and all a third-person observer can do is either call you crazy, consistently refer to you by your legal name, or – as it's happened in large scale within this community – "acknowledge" the different identities in "your" head.
I guess so. A certain amount of delusion is good for a man, anyway, and when you get to choose your poison, it's all neato. Swapping identities around through possession and switching and all that jazz is something that is probably more satisfying internally than for any outsiders looking on. I guess it's probably a baby's mindset, but when I was alone two years ago, I felt like shit looking at the world and thinking that I'd have to be a part of the stupid machine. Now with Yuki wanting to become something, and us sharing the workload, things are a lot better for me. I'm pretty much out of a self-destructive 'me against the world' mindset, and reasonably happy in day to day nonsense. Better than staring at the ceiling all day and contemplating suicide like in the lovely months before finding out about tuppers.

Whatever outsiders might think at this point, internally this whole thing gave me more peace than anything else ever has.