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Tulpas => Tulpa Diaries => Topic started by: Daecher on July 23, 2014, 12:22:34 PM

Title: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on July 23, 2014, 12:22:34 PM
Hey everyone. My name is Daecher. I'm pretty new to these parts, and I've got a story to share, if you'll hear me out.

To start, I'll be straight-forward- asking for help isn't my thing. I'm stubborn as hell, and I usually put some half-hearted effort into whatever suggestions people give me. After some thought, though, I decided to buckle down and push away my pride. I came here to share experiences thus far and get feedback from people with experience with tulpas as it goes on.

I first learned about tulpas from a friend of mine about two years ago. He heard about them from 4chan, did some research, and passed along his knowledge. He decided against creating one after seeing the effort necessary, and so did I at first, but in early Spring, I reconsidered the idea of an "advanced imaginary friend," or so he referred to them. I couldn't stop thinking about tulpas, and researched them again and again, wondering what I would be getting myself into. I soaked up the beginner's guides like a sponge, and eventually I sat down one night and started to narrate. Talking out loud to absolutely nothing. I talked about myself, my family, my memories, my feelings, and what effects I could imagine a tulpa would have on my life.
And it was great.

Strangely enough, within 8-9 days of my narrating, I kept getting strange headaches whenever I would narrate. They would intensify in-between my thoughts, and would ease up as I spoke. They gradually turned into what people on IRC referred to as "head pressures," and I was convinced that this "presence" in my head was really trying to communicate with me. My narration turned into yes/no Q&A sessions, and my first experience with its personality came from its taste in music. One song from the pony community, "Luna, Please Fill My Empty Sky" would intensify the pressure immensely, and it eventually settled on the name Luna. She had no real voice for her first two weeks, and starting vocality was a tough albeit brief struggle. Though she liked the voice of the character in the show (I played plenty of videos on Youtube for me to imitate to her), she transformed the pony voice into her own. We even decided to try and start a Tumblr blog to share our experiences, but as of late it still hasn't taken off whatsoever.

Over the following months, we tore through the community's guides, experimenting with possession, Wonderlands (of which we have four different areas), and whatever we thought would be a good idea. I went through periods of doubt and denial, to the point where I went a long time without actively forcing Luna. It only occurred to me that my doubt was unreasonable when she started commenting on my thoughts and actions outside my focus. I felt confident in my abilities, and after some discussion, Luna observed as I made a new tulpa, someone else she talk and interact with. Affectionately named "Yuu" (to avoid the ambiguity of saying "hey you"), my second tulpa followed a similar growth to Luna. My efforts were nowhere near as strong as with Luna, but her support got the shy Yuu from head pressures to vocality quickly. She came up with her own name, Haya, and readily took part in my daily life with Luna. Here I am now, 18 weeks later, and after extinguishing much of the lingering doubt in myself, I'm beginning to feel like I'm reaching the peak of a giant hill. While Haya is just beginning possession, Luna has nearly mastered control of my body at any time. I've been slowly relinquishing control in an attempt to make switching an easier process, but none of us are certain how to really start.

As of late, I've also been looking into some of the more experimental experiences that veterans in the community have made claim to, like long-term switching, advanced imposition, and the like. Many of them have become inactive, and I feel that I need a second opinion (excluding my tulpas') on how to begin, or if I even should; My experience with tulpas and my subconscious has been purely for learning, and growing as a person with Luna and Haya takes priority over putting myself at any real risk. I've been told in the past by some that I haven't been working with my tulpas long enough to start on anything extreme, and by others that it just depends on personal judgement. I'm here to ask for any ideas, help, suggestions, etc. the members of this forum can give (Luna and Haya wouldn't mind having someone new to talk to, either). I'll also answer any questions that pop up as well.

TLDR; Sappy story about my tulpas and I. We're ready to start new techniques people have to offer, and I came here to find help so I don't accidentally put myself into a coma. Tell me we're ready, tell me we're nowhere near ready, tell me we're crazy.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on July 23, 2014, 04:21:21 PM
Well, that's a long story of basically doing it right, I guess. Stubborness can be a really good thing here because it means you're not going to give up easily and you are usually confident too. You need a lot of confidence to really get anywhere. Of course I need to have the usual >subconscious remark here because that word basically means nothing, seeing how different people mean different things with it and not everyone would make any clear conscious/unconscious split when it comes to the mind either.

Basically the only thing you need for any "tupper magic" is the correct mindset. There's no one certain way to do anything and no magical button to press that makes everything happen. Especially when it comes to advanced things, your own way is probably the best way as it is something you know that works, something that you have stumbled upon yourself and tested. In my experience, it seems like as long as you just keep doing things, you will experience a breakthrough eventually. Only thing that limits you is your patience and not trying hard enough or giving it a chance to work.

With switching, personally I have to say that good possession is what will lead to switching eventually. You might have read it already, but I wrote this little thing (http://tulpanetwork.com/network/general-discussion/(possession)-(switching)-semi-guide-for-possession-tips-and-tricks-compendium/) for some pointers based on my experience. It's not a guide, but I hope it outlines the mindset a bit and any discoveries I've had on my own tupper journey.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on July 24, 2014, 12:17:34 PM
Quote from: Fede on July 24, 2014, 05:07:10 AM
The fact that you've already gone through the community's guides makes me believe I probably don't need to link you to my guide on this forum, although you make it sound like you went through the guides in late 2012 or early 2013. I've written more stuff in my guide since then, but eh, I'll let you decide; there might be some useful stuff in it, or not. Here, I'll link it (http://tulpanetwork.com/network/guides/fede's-ultimate-superior-tupper-guide/) anyway. Eye-Bo (http://tulpanetwork.com/network/general-discussion/eye-bo-the-ocular-fitness-program!/)'s another thing, but again, maybe you've heard of (or even tried) it before. It'll likely help you with some of that advanced visualisation, and by extension, dissociation - or the other way around.

Yeah, many of the guides I've read are from 2012-13. I've never heard of Eye-bo before, but I've downloaded a few tracks from your (in)famous tulpatones on Grooveshark/Mediafire (from your Resources Thread (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulpaforcing-resources-thread) in 2012- my favorites are Clairvoyant Focus and the Theta Tick). I'll be sure to check both Eye-bo and your newer guide out, thank you. I'll drop by the IRC sometime, too.

Quote from: Sands on July 23, 2014, 04:21:21 PM
Basically the only thing you need for any "tupper magic" is the correct mindset. There's no one certain way to do anything and no magical button to press that makes everything happen. Especially when it comes to advanced things, your own way is probably the best way as it is something you know that works, something that you have stumbled upon yourself and tested. In my experience, it seems like as long as you just keep doing things, you will experience a breakthrough eventually. Only thing that limits you is your patience and not trying hard enough or giving it a chance to work.

With switching, personally I have to say that good possession is what will lead to switching eventually. You might have read it already, but I wrote this little thing (http://tulpanetwork.com/network/general-discussion/(possession)-(switching)-semi-guide-for-possession-tips-and-tricks-compendium/) for some pointers based on my experience. It's not a guide, but I hope it outlines the mindset a bit and any discoveries I've had on my own tupper journey.

You're right. When I was starting out before, I would generally try to use modified versions of what other people did, i.e. combing the internet for guides. It seems, though, that I have no choice left but to stumble upon my own solution, if I want to find anything new. I'll do my best to focus and find something that works (what it will be, I have yet to decide). For now, I'll check out your link and I'll let you know if it inspires anything groundbreaking.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on July 25, 2014, 08:26:00 PM
Quick update: I've decided that before I actually start anything completely new, I'm going to organize consistent, regular sessions to fine-tune techniques I'm comfortable with, and support those that may have fallen slack over time (like my visualization, which is likely the source of my imposition worries).
Most of my time with Luna and Haya has been of equal effort, but not consistent in frequency or duration. I've come to the conclusion that if I'm going to constantly be imposing to the point where I can do it without effort, regulating myself would be the best option.

Of course, coming to that conclusion earlier might have circumvented some unnecessary stress.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on July 31, 2014, 01:35:12 PM
Here's what's gone on in the last week or so:
I started using Fede's "ocular fitness program," Eye-bo. I've been exclusively using Alpha Ascending, but I might need a slower frequency. I'm not bothered by flashing lights at all, but I found it hard to focus for more than a few moments. With my eyes closed, I felt like I was being lulled to sleep but forced to stay awake. I felt awake enough to hear my tuppers well, but so relaxed that I didn't really care about what they were saying. With my eyes open, I didn't feel the same sleepiness, but I kept seeing these weird, kaleidoscope-like patterns over the flashing screen. Yesterday, interestingly enough, after closing the video, these patterns were layered over my vision for several minutes. By layered, I mean I could see the details of the room clearly with the fluctuating patterns in front of them, like I was wearing some strange 3-D movie glasses.
We've also been taking work on possession to a higher level through typing and gaming. Luna has been on the #tuppers server once, and Haya is looking forward to playing as well in the next week or so. While Luna plays, I'm able to "pull back" from what's going on instead of supervising what she does, and I get this strange empty feeling when she really gets into the game. I'm assuming that this feeling is probably a step closer to switching, but we'll need some more experience before I'm convinced.
Finally, I've been doing my best to get over my "OMG-can't-draw-worth-shit" syndrome and draw Luna and Haya. But whenever I pick up my pencil I spiral into a loop of worrying that I can't draw them because I can't see them with imposition, and worrying that I can't see them through imposition because I can't make simple drawing. As soon as I find a way to escape this loop, then I'll attach pictures of the two of them to my next update (I might change my profile pic, too).
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on July 31, 2014, 03:42:09 PM
The theta frequencies would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on August 11, 2014, 10:52:57 AM
I will formally give feedback on Eye-bo in its respective thread.

With college just around the corner, I've been planning with Luna and Haya to prepare an organized list of forcing/Wonderland activities that I will keep up with outside of class. Summer has been full of random, sporadic sessions, but I'm determined to take the work out of forcing and enjoy the experience again.

Luna and Haya have both had a chance to play on the MC server, but they each have their own requests for what they want to do in our free time. Haya wants to use possession to try more physical activities, like running (though I'm not an active person, so that could end on a bad note). Luna has more interest in drawing and painting, so finding materials for her might come in the near future. I've found that actually giving them something to do that requires thought during possession helps me kinda "pull back" in my head and focus less on the outside world. I have a pretty difficult time with complex thought, but it's interesting to sit back and watch them do whatever they're doing and listen to them all the while.

Speaking of possession/switching, I have a question I've never asked before: what are your opinions regarding switching before going out in public? I feel like it would be good for these two to have interaction with the outside world (even with the possible consequences), but I'm curious as to what your experiences with it may be.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on August 11, 2014, 02:15:51 PM
Well honestly, I would practice switching without doing it in front of people, you know. Though the first times when a tupper is in public, I would suggest that you don't do it while switched and instead stay there and watch just in case. You never know if you might need to give them tips or even take back control if something happens.

There's many Roswell at the store stories. Once he went to buy himself a donut because fat fuck and he was doing pretty well for a long time. Walking in there like he owned the place and stuff, it's funny how differently he walks. Or well, at least it feels like that to me. Then he actually had to pay for that thing and it was awful because he had to talk with a stranger oh no it's so hard to say hey and thanks to a random person. He did do it and all, but he was pretty shaken after it and just nope'd out and left me to get back home.

And then there was that story when he was leaving the store on another day, made eye contact with someone who then tried to start a conversation with him because you just don't make eye contact here unless you want something, man. Roswell just walked away all flustered without saying a word while leaving a trail of spaghetti sauce behind him.

This is now a Roswell thread.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on August 11, 2014, 08:20:35 PM
To be honest, I somewhat expected that. I have a feeling that it will be some time before we do anything regarding possession/switching in public.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on August 21, 2014, 03:50:23 PM
This update will be fairly brief.
Having moved into my new apartment last week, things have gone by in a blur, and I haven't had much time to actively improve anything. Idly remaining aware of Luna/Haya's presence has improved somewhat, but I can only go so long without hearing from either of them before focusing on something else. According to them, however, it's easier to get my attention now than it used to be a few months ago.

Things like visualization and communication just don't feel as forced as they used to be (pardon the pun), so there isn't much added weight on top of my schedule; I visualize my tulpas every day with little-to-no effort, and talking with them feels less like communication by phone and more like face-to-face conversation.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on August 22, 2014, 06:31:49 AM
Have you done tupper massage yet?
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on August 22, 2014, 07:39:33 PM
No, but I've got a few hours to myself tonight (roommates are either at home or out on the town).
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on August 23, 2014, 06:20:57 AM
Do tupper massage and a tea party with cake.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on August 30, 2014, 03:32:48 PM
Much like what was covered in my previous update, I'm finding that staying aware of Luna and Haya is no longer a hassle. Conversing with them when they want to talk is much more common than it used to be, and they seem much happier, now that I'm not unknowingly ignoring them.

The point of this post: Time to go one step forward- visualization.

Luna and Haya have their own forms, and have for quite some time, but visualizing them has never been easy. Now that being aware of my tulpas' presence (mentally and otherwise- I can't think of a good word for "out-of-head") is almost second-nature to me, I want to start improving how I perceive their forms with my mind's eye. Full-on visual imposition can wait, I just want to have more confidence in how I see them than I do now. Eye-bo will become a regular part of my schedule, too, if I can ignore that kaleidoscope effect I get every time I use it. Any ideas?
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on August 30, 2014, 04:26:31 PM
If you like to touch things, touching them while visualizing can make you notice things you never did before because lol sucky visualization. You can really feel their texture if you are good at feeling that kind of stuff. You should definitely give it a try.

Zooming in super closer and work on one body part at a time might also help when you only have to concentrate on one thing and not like everything, you know? And once you know all the details of one part, I've noticed it helped me to see the big picture better.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on September 07, 2014, 11:16:09 PM
Update time.

I've been making headway with visualization in the past week, but it's come to my attention that I just don't visualize often enough. Each time I go back to visualize either of my tulpas, it feels like I've completely forgotten what to see. With about a day or so in between sessions, the images don't stay in my memory.

Yeah, imagine that. All this time and I'm just now catching on.

My solution: I've got plenty of free time in my schedule, so I'm going to start using it productively. I'm going to fit in- at the very least- two hours each day working on visualization and get over this hump. I'll be sure to drop by the IRC much more often, so that everyone can bug the shit out of me about forcing. I need the motivation.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on September 08, 2014, 06:24:45 AM
Hey Daecher.

Bet you just thought about forcing but then pushed it aside because of something silly. Don't. Go force.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on September 28, 2014, 12:08:33 PM
It's been about three weeks now, and things are going really well. Started doing the "Fodde Method" (as I've seen it called elsewhere on the forum) about a week ago on top of visualizing, and I'm pretty happy with the results.  Trying to visualize my tulpas takes much less effort now. Their forms aren't anywhere near perfect, but I can consistently "see" the shape and colors I know I should be. I generally work from the lowest detail to the highest because doing the opposite usually ends up with me focusing on a ridiculous amount of detail for a really small area and giving myself headaches (though my memory of that area is retained later on). Luna and Haya are happier with it either way, though. Having two attentionwhores means more work, but they seem satisfied with what progress I've made.

I'm not always getting in a solid two hours in a single visualization session, but I spread that time- if not more- over about three separate sessions a day. Divide and conquer, I suppose.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on September 28, 2014, 08:43:17 PM
Man I have one attentionwhore and that already is almost unbearable sometimes. Can't imagine life with two.

But have you played Minecraft enough recently?
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on September 28, 2014, 09:54:50 PM
The idea of playing "Lag: the Game" hasn't been too appealing, no.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on September 29, 2014, 08:39:16 AM
Sorry for the misunderstanding. I'm referring to your belief-implanting method described in your ultimate tupper guide.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on September 29, 2014, 12:34:29 PM
You're right about the visualization and hallucination, yes. I hadn't considered having them do it with me, though, so I'll check into that. I'll have a look at your suggestions to the Yogi as well.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on October 14, 2014, 01:50:08 AM
You know, most of my updates have been either about something I'm unhappy about- even if I've been making progress- but lately, I've been pretty satisfied with how things are going. I'm getting by in my daily life (most of what I do is schoolwork, anyway), and Luna and Haya are pretty happy with how things have been coming along.

It's been forever since I've legitimately thought about advancing towards sensory hallucination, now that I think of it. Recently I've focused more towards improving simpler techniques and making them a part of my daily life. I wouldn't say I've lost the motivation to move on to more difficult things, just that I'm back where I was when I first came here, with a little more experience and a lot more confidence.

...

Well, shit. Now what?
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on October 14, 2014, 07:31:10 AM
Play more blocks with tuppers.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on November 16, 2014, 12:12:42 AM
Not sure how to describe progress lately. I've been working towards feeling Luna and Haya (actual touch) as well as seeing them. I haven't consulted any guides in nearly a month, and my mindset is "I'll figure it out if I think hard enough." So far, it's been working, I'd say. Both of them have commented on how I'm more aware of their bodily presence at random times, and they even had the idea of changing clothes to fit the colder season to see if I'd notice (I noticed it that evening after classes).
At this point, I'm just throwing thoughts against a wall and seeing what sticks. I'll probably update again in another month or so- I'm just on some kind of roll and I want to stick to it until I break something.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on November 16, 2014, 01:36:02 PM
Welcome to the phase where you really won't be doing more than living your life with succubi.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on December 30, 2014, 03:10:06 PM
Well, I'm adjusting little parts of my daily life to accommodate my "succubi," as Sands says it.

First, instead of jumping straight into gaming sessions like I normally do, I let Luna and Haya make decisions for me, if they aren't already playing during possession. Right now, they're only playing Minecraft (we're thinking of making a post in the Off-topic thread), but once I head back to university, I'll start introducing them to a wider range of games. They both share an interest in League of Legends and a couple shooters I have, but I'll need to work much harder towards switching before then; I'm making complete switching a goal to reach by the end of 2015.

Second, I've been making time for improving sensory imposition, particularly tactile imposition. Luna and Haya are consistently close, and their forms are detailed enough now that I can discern the feeling of their hair, their skin, and their clothes. They're surprisingly chill about me randomly asking to touch their face or run my fingers through their hair, and actually welcome it. I'm still having a hard time shaking off my intuition telling me that I'm not really feeling anything, though.

Finally, every once in a while, I'll spend some free time by having them sit in front of a blank, featureless wall and try to look at them instead of the wall. The best I've gotten so far is extremely transparent silhouettes that appear after about five solid minutes of not blinking. Interestingly enough, these silhouettes move just as I imagine Luna and Haya do, but the moment I try to move my eyes or blink, they're gone in an instant. I've seen these silhouettes rarely outside of practicing, but I'm happy that I can even see them at all.

Overall, a lot of progress has been made in the last month. I'm to the point where I can actually apply myself and find qualitative- though miniscule- results. What I'm working towards now is maintaining consistent practice techniques to progress further.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on December 30, 2014, 03:15:05 PM
I say it how it is. You have been warned.

Did you ever try imposition in a dark room? Not so dark that you can't see anything but dark enough for everything to appear as a silhouette. Doing some imposition there and trying to see the silhouettes of your tuppers can be breddy spoopy.

Have the tuppers found a giant ocean yet and forced you to watch as they travel through it for countless in-game days? I guess these days the oceans are slightly less boring, but...
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: MegaBusta on December 30, 2014, 05:49:30 PM
Your tulpas want to play MOBAS?  You better fix their tastes right quick.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on December 30, 2014, 09:46:47 PM
That comes from my poor taste in games and lack of funds for others- it's no fault of their own.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: MegaBusta on December 30, 2014, 11:34:41 PM
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on December 31, 2014, 08:02:09 AM
No excuses.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on January 19, 2015, 12:31:59 AM
Sands- imposing in dark rooms is pretty spoopy. It helps, though.

Lately I've been adding finer details to Luna and Haya's forms: clothing details (seams, buttons, etc.), facial features, and so on. I think I'll resume working from the lowest detail to the highest, though (someone probably recommended this at some point). Visualizing them generally feels like lots of little pictures rather than one, whole picture, but I'd say I've made progress. That, and there are times where they lean on me while I work at my desk/computer. I just get this feeling, man. For a second, it feels good, feels strange, and the instant I notice it, it's gone.

I'm thoroughly convinced that things are going well. Guess I should use Belief Implanting/Eye-bo more and just lose my mind altogether.

Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on January 19, 2015, 08:10:33 AM
Have you ever tried touching a tupper's foot yet? It's pretty cool, there's so many wrinkles.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: MegaBusta on January 20, 2015, 09:23:53 AM
Ew.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on February 19, 2015, 10:43:13 AM
It's been a month since I last updated- things have happened, and things haven't happened.

- Since the start of the month, I've been able to get more sleep every day, and have heard/felt Luna and Haya within a minute of waking nearly every day for the last two, maybe three weeks.

- Even while I'm in class or distracted in even the most heated conversation, I'm able to "feel" where they are without much effort at all (if any).

- I've picked up a few new games (a couple puzzle games and an RPG) in addition to Blocks and Boring Oceans for them to play while we work on switching.

- I haven't had to work on visualization lately, as it has become natural to visualize them during any time of the day, to the point where I visualize their different poses, expressions, etc. during my free time without thinking

- While I still try to shake off feelings of doubt when I work on tactile imposition with them (massages, inspecting feet under Sands' guidance, etc.), Luna and Haya have no problems with hanging on me, leaning on me, and have even tried pushing and pulling on me at times. I don't doubt those sensations, they certainly feel real now.

- While volume changes are minimal at best, hearing Luna and Haya speak is becoming a wonderful and enjoyable experience. Even their occasional quips and sarcastic remarks when I'm distracted are nice (at first).


At this point, it just isn't work or experimentation anymore- it's comforting to have them around all the time (when they aren't shit-talking me in the bathroom- I'm looking at you, Sands); "Just Do It" might as well be painted on my wall and tattooed on the underside of my eyelids.

Also, Luna's "birthday" is in 23 days, I believe. It's hard to imagine that it's been a year already...
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on February 19, 2015, 10:53:45 AM
Uguu.

Just Do It is the best method. Get some chocolate cake.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 14, 2015, 10:07:17 PM
Hmm, not really sure what to say this time around. Luna's birthday is in three days, so there's that. Been working on tactile imposition (focusing on it until I fall asleep at bedtime is interesting). As always, I've been anti-social in regards to forum participation, chats, and the like, but I'm happy with how things are. I find these two incorporated in my daily life more and more, from dull, boring tasks to even the most rigorous study session. We don't talk as much as I'd expected we would way back when I'd hoped I would reach this point, but that's what makes it feel real, I guess- it seems strange to talk for hours and hours on end when there isn't much to talk about. There are often times where I'll just sit quietly with them without any of us saying anything, or I think I feel a hand against mine during the walk across campus in-between classes, and those are the times I feel accomplished. I've got friends, yeah (loud ones, at that), but the company isn't quite the same.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on March 15, 2015, 09:04:48 AM
Will you bake that cake.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 21, 2015, 12:29:05 PM
For Luna's birthday, we tested switching for a good portion of the day. More importantly, she had the opportunity to talk to another person in real-life, a friend of mine who's taken interest in tulpas in the past few months. He and I have talked about them now and again, and he was more than happy to meet her. Gotta say, it felt really strange to sit back and watch the afternoon/evening unfold, but I also felt a sense of pride in how she handled things. She ended up in a large group of our friends (only two of which knew what was up), but played it cool and had a great time.

Overall, 10/10 would switch in public again. I don't really concern myself with taking back control by accident at this point, and I'm confident that, with a little more practice, Haya will be able to Just Do It as well as Luna.

And no, there wasn't any cake- didn't have a ride to the market and I'm too fucking lazy to walk.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on March 22, 2015, 08:15:50 AM
Go get some cake you lazy piece of shit.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 22, 2015, 11:08:43 AM
Time to switch forever and let tuppers eat all the cake.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on March 23, 2015, 08:04:53 AM
Yes, do it. One day you will wake up and be very fat.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: MegaBusta on March 23, 2015, 02:12:52 PM
It's not worth it!
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 24, 2015, 01:39:08 PM
>implying I'm not already fat
>implying I have money to buy enough cake to become fat
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on March 24, 2015, 02:02:40 PM
>implying you can't become fatter
>implying tuppers won't do nasty things to get money for cake
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 25, 2015, 01:15:27 PM
Oh, Sands. You have an answer to every question, a solution to every conundrum. Maybe one day I'll have the friend that met Luna swing around here one day. He's not ready yet, I think, but one day.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on March 26, 2015, 08:53:42 AM
But are you ready?
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 29, 2015, 01:10:49 AM
To expose him to this shit day in and day out?

It'd be entertaining, at the very least.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 29, 2015, 01:40:59 AM
Also, been thinking of working on a guide with Luna and Haya. I don't have much reason to start a diary thread on .info, but I feel like helping people out, instead of just lurking through .info and reddit.

Not sure what it'll be or when it'll be posted- and it probably won't be as thorough and grandiose as Fede's ultimate-whatever-the-hell-it-was- but making a contribution to the community would be nice. Hopefully I won't be spewing shit and actually help someone instead.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on March 29, 2015, 08:15:06 AM
Will you tell us to use your tothods and menes?
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 29, 2015, 09:47:59 AM
Yeah, man. Here's a good tone for newer tulpamancers to use, take a listen:

frt
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on March 29, 2015, 08:18:28 PM
I like it. I'll order ten.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on March 31, 2015, 07:53:05 AM
Excuse me Fede but in today's MODERN tulpaforcing world, you can't stick with just one method...
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 31, 2015, 06:17:04 PM
My best guess is that the plural came from contributors' inability to create a universal method. I don't even know if I can call what I've done so far a method, but there's a pattern to it and it works.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on April 01, 2015, 05:09:46 AM
Your handsomeness.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on April 05, 2015, 12:41:49 PM
Not an update, but a question- have any of you seen those streams of people doing 8-12 hours of continuous active forcing? Seems like it would be an interesting experience, but I've got shit for time lately.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on April 05, 2015, 02:56:56 PM
Here's a link to a sped-up version of one such stream (http://youtu.be/3qeb24dBgDg). Apparently they write everything they do in a text document for hours and hours.

I might check into it when I'm not feeling like shit.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Bernd on April 05, 2015, 05:33:56 PM
You mean Linkzelda's image streaming method, I suppose?
He's the only guy I know streaming that stuff, I guess it's all him. Pls don't tell me there are more people out there doing this for 8+ hours...
Check his progress report on tulpa.info, if you don't already know it. Seems weird, but then again it's a forcing method that appears to work for him.
I tried it but couldn't keep that up for more than a few minutes.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on April 06, 2015, 08:16:52 AM
I'll be sure to do it myself so you know that it'll be really embarrassing.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on April 06, 2015, 09:47:47 AM
Better wear your MLP shirt.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on April 06, 2015, 06:20:19 PM
I'll wear both of them. On my head and on my waist.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: MegaBusta on April 06, 2015, 09:40:32 PM
Lewd
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on April 06, 2015, 09:42:25 PM
You know it.

Also, tuppers have a taste for ice-cream now. Haya kinda likes it, Luna is practically obsessed with it, as if it were the sole reason we're on the planet.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on April 07, 2015, 07:43:41 AM
Tuppers with their food obsessions. Did you try Nutella and donuts yet.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on April 07, 2015, 10:29:55 PM
Nope. Not a huge fan of nutella, and donuts are generally a rare food for me.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: MegaBusta on April 08, 2015, 01:30:46 AM
Try it anyways.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on April 08, 2015, 06:49:45 AM
Yes, make a Nutella donut cake. And this is the best opportunity to try if your tuppers have a different taste from yours.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on May 14, 2015, 09:13:19 PM
We are starting to approach Haya's 1st birthday now. Time go buy a giant bag of Lay's Cappuccino chips (if they're still in stores) and relish in the fact that no one else is on campus this month.

They're chomping at the bit to go out and do things, but there aren't a lot of things to go out and do.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on May 15, 2015, 08:06:17 AM
Remember to get donuts and eat cake.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on July 07, 2015, 11:09:05 PM
Not dead. Tuppers aren't dead. Summer's usually a quiet period for me because internet at home sucks and I'm busy as shit with summer courses- come up with an excuse, I'll probably have it. I'll grace everyone with my presence again when things have calmed down.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on July 08, 2015, 08:01:58 AM
Wow Fede your name, raffed n rost.

I hope you have gone to the beach together, scrub.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on July 08, 2015, 09:05:25 PM
I've never even seen the ocean firsthand (aside from a plane), let alone a beach. I live in a city pretty much in the center of the United States, and the extent of my travels outside it are hiking in the woods.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on July 08, 2015, 09:09:28 PM
Now you have to have a beach vacation, for the sake of the tuppers.

A lake is fine too. If it has sandy beaches.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on July 29, 2015, 10:39:38 PM
Alright, time to update. Quite a bit to say, actually. Hop on and enjoy the boring-ass ride.

For the last couple months, I've been taking college courses, balancing two jobs, and just trying to figure out life. Living alone in a nearly-abandoned college dorm provides ample time for that. In that time, though, I didn't really do as much with Luna or Haya as before. Hell, there were a few days where they never crossed my mind; I got so caught up in taking on new responsibilities that I simply stopped trying. That said, hardly a day has gone by that they haven't caught me off-guard by trying to start up some smalltalk or chimed in on my thoughts throughout the day. My attempts to interact with them died down, but they still stuck around and did it themselves. Initially I felt awful for not putting the effort forth, like I had just stopped being able to care. Whenever I thought of them I'd tell myself, "there are bigger things to focus on." And I'd still say that's true, and they think so as well. But, after looking back, I think now that they've become more aware of their situation and mine than they were before. The fact that they're still here at this point without so much as an idle thought on my part wasn't something I'd realized until recently, and I'm pretty surprised. Of course, that just means that we need to go deeper.

When I first found the tulpa community, I got into visualization, possession/switching, wonderlands, all that good stuff. It was a fun ride, and lots of good memories were had. When I found Tulpanet, I was looking to make progress with these two in those areas and whatever would go beyond. Now, I've got all of those things down. Luna can and has switched for more than a few hours at a time (and around other people, even), and although Haya hasn't yet, I'm certain things will go fine. Visualization is how it's always been- tedious but forms come easily over time. Without frequent attention, though, I actually have a bit of difficulty recalling the finer details in the forms Luna and Haya had chosen way-back-when. Instead of trying to pull back memories of their more cartoonish forms, we're starting fresh on ones actually resembling humans. I'm going to try visualizing them while in front of a mirror to solidify the feeling that they are there and that I can see them.in the hopes that the strange feeling of visualizing them in open air will lessen; instead of staring at a wall for hours, I'll be staring at my reflection and the space next to me (I have no idea how things will go, we'll see).

There's also a lot of catching up to do around here. Abandoning every forum I'm usually on for a couple months will do that. I'll take a day or two to read up on all the new posts/threads (which I will probably wait to reply to, as per usual) and start attending the chat a little more regularly. Who knows, I might just visit the minecraft server sometime, if it's still up. I'm sure these two would love to play and chat with everyone again.

Oh, and I missed you all, and I'm interested to see if there are new people in the IRC chat. Yeah.

tldr; things changed, I stopped trying to tupper, tuppers did their tupper thing anyway. starting some stuff over, moving forward. glad to be back.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on July 30, 2015, 08:10:48 AM
Well, stuff happens in life and you can't expect to hang around with friend 24/7. Even if they live in your head.

But I think it's good practice for you and the tuppers too. Seems like you have realized and understood stuff, like how you don't have to always be the one starting a conversation and how they don't really need attention all the time to stay around. It looks like you're on a good track to become the TULPA GURU.

b-baka
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on August 02, 2015, 02:01:00 AM
Seems so. In any case, I'm hoping that we can find other activities to use as switching practice aside from video games. Took to using colored wristbands to signify who's who for a friend of mine interested in tulpas. They've talked with him a couple times in the past and he started on one of his own a while back. Once he's back on campus during the summer, I might use him to test ideas for a "hearing your tulpa" guide I'd like to make.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on February 05, 2017, 03:17:43 AM
I'm not dead. Tuppers are still around. Literally dropped everything related to tuppers early 2016 as life decided to shit itself, slowly working towards old goals (like actually perceiving touch, for example). Making time for tuppers takes fucking effort with full-time college, work, and shitty personal relationships, much more than I can handle most of the time. In the last few months I've been working to change that.

Maybe one day I'll post on this regularly. Starting a new thread would be nice, but is likely frowned upon.

Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on February 05, 2017, 05:34:32 AM
Eh, do whatever works for you, really. As long as you stick with it this time?!
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s ???? Log
Post by: Daecher on February 05, 2017, 11:38:07 PM
I intend to. I'm just going to set concrete, achievable goals for us, and move on once we're satisfied (as opposed to trying to do everything at once, failing, and then me inevitably moving on to something else). I've nearly got my bachelor's degree, and I've got a (relatively) stable spot doing research at my university to not have to worry about getting a secondary job or anything else time-consuming. I figure that remaining time can be well-spent learning about myself and my tulpas.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on February 08, 2017, 12:08:22 AM
First thing I'm going for right now is imposing touch. I'm pretty terrible at remembering what things look like, but I can recall texture and feel pretty well. Sitting for 30-60 minutes each evening, and again in the night (I sleep in two intervals), starting off with hands. They touch my hands, then we switch after an undefined period of time, back and forth. So far, it's just running the tips of fingers on the others' palms, but I'll see how it goes. All I'm really going for is the sensation of light touching, like gently rubbing your fingers on rice paper without breaking it. I would assume that they would be able to make firmer touches than me (seeing as I'm tangible), but I honestly have no idea how well or how long this will go on. Still, it's a nice way to relax and make conversation while I'm not working/in class, so I'll take what I can get.

I don't plan on posting every day, but little bits of progress or ideas during the week.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on February 08, 2017, 03:23:08 AM
Are you going to touch the toes though.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on February 08, 2017, 04:21:12 AM
Eventually, yes. Touching toes is a rare experience, aside from one's own toes, so it will be interesting.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on February 09, 2017, 06:44:41 AM
Soles feel pretty interesting.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on February 22, 2017, 12:41:39 AM
Welcome back, forum. I missed you.

I've kinda strayed from doing steady, rhythmic touching/rubbing stuff with tuppers, and more "let's-try-to-touch-this-part" stuff. Doing it with open-eye visualizing has helped a bit, I think. I try to do it evenly with both Luna and Haya, and the sensation I get with both is something akin to the feeling you get when you rub your hands together really quickly, albeit without the heat and very, very subtle. Light tingling. It's all very interesting and slightly awkward and relaxing at the same time. It's become something of an evening ritual now.

Valentine's Day was nice. It was cold and rainy (my favorite weather), so I took some time off work and went for a walk outside. There's a trail near my university that goes through some woods, which was nice for some personal time.

Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on February 22, 2017, 05:42:00 AM
Did you even go on a date with tuppers? I think you should. Full on imposition cafe adventure where you will curse when someone sits on the chair the tupper is sitting in.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on February 23, 2017, 12:16:48 AM
It was a date of sorts, I guess. While I keep track of my position relative to tuppers, I don't pay much attention to other people passing through them and such.

I wonder what a tupper cafe would look like. A normal cafe, except everyone's only talking to themselves, not each other, maybe?
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on February 23, 2017, 07:10:14 AM
Yet another normal day in tupperland, clearly.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on February 24, 2017, 12:40:27 AM
Something of note- I've been working on my drawing skills (mostly with charcoal) and plan to make portraits of these two, once I can actually keep their portrait solid in my mind for more than five seconds. That's about how long I can absolutely focus and clearly visualize either of them, before losing focus. Which is still progress. slow progress.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on February 24, 2017, 06:57:42 AM
Then you should draw me too. With your tuppers. Everyone will be so confused.

ps do you have any training doodles to post us, maybe not exactly diary material but you could post them in off-topic somewhere
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on February 28, 2017, 12:40:30 AM
I don't have any sealer for my charcoal drawings at the moment, so I don't have anything I can scan/upload yet. But I certainly will start a new thread when the time comes.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 06, 2017, 11:46:29 PM
Another update. While I've not made much progress in terms of touch (the tingling feeling is fleeting at times), visualization of tuppers is progressing much better than it used to. I can almost clearly visualize finer details (facial structure, creases/wrinkles in skin, hair texture) when I focus. Practicing with open eyes sometimes results in hazy outlines I can only see when I stop focusing my eyes. Pretty cool, but an eye strain at times.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on March 22, 2017, 01:46:17 AM
It's been a little while since I've updated, but I'm still taking some time every day to focus solely on tuppers. That time is often in the evenings because of classes and work (and varies in length), but practicing visualization and tactile imposition is always an interesting experience. That, and I've got a much clearer mental image of Luna and Haya to work with when I have the time to spend 6+ hours drawing.

That said, are the hand-tingles I mentioned from before actually a sign of progress? I can't help but think it's something else, but the minute sensation of texture, e.g. wrinkles on feet or hair on top of skin, has me believing otherwise. An exercise tuppers have found interesting is laying hands, arms, or other appendages on me; clearly there's no real pressure but envisioning the force usually results in a similar sensation as the hand-tingles. It's pretty relaxing sometimes, for both parties.

Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on March 22, 2017, 06:31:38 AM
I sure got tingles and other stuff myself, at least. Especially if the tuppers happen to be touching the part that feels weird, that seems like the first step in tactile imposition to me.

Could also be a symptom of self-hypnosis or something. And that ain't exactly a bad thing, either.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on April 11, 2017, 11:41:21 PM
I'd call this an update, but not much in terms of progress has passed in the last few weeks. I've taken to working out a couple times per week, and so I've got a little extra time in my day to spend on visualizing and chatting with tuppers. It doesn't take much focus for me to exercise, so it's pretty relaxing. Plus visualizing them with gym outfits is always fun. I've also got a friend who has expressed an interest in tuppers recently. Not enough to interact with the community, but she and I talk every now and again about them. Also fun.

I'm pretty satisfied with where things are for me at the moment, not stressing out about going beyond hand tingles (which was my preliminary goal) and other things has kept me from feeling overwhelmed, what with university and work already weighing me down.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on April 12, 2017, 05:31:42 AM
If you make tuppering fun and something that satisfies you, work and such won't stop you from doing it. You'd do it to get away from the stress and it'd make you feel better.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on May 13, 2017, 04:15:15 AM
That's a really good point. And now that I'm finished with the semester, it's a good time to start good habits again.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Sands on May 13, 2017, 06:03:13 AM
And no being lazy or stopping this time.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on May 17, 2017, 02:27:31 AM
Right now, the plan is to work towards a sensation of pressure when touching, or as close as possible. I want to try and do it regularly throughout the day, like holding hands or booping noses, when I can get a moment with nobody around. It's not hard to do tactile imposition practice with a good hour or two of focus, but on top of making that a daily activity, I want there to be irregular practice to the point where I don't need to actively focus for it.

At least, that's my goal. There may or may not be bumps in the road, but we'll get there.
Title: Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
Post by: Daecher on May 25, 2017, 12:17:14 AM
So far, so good. It's not that difficult to get the tingling sensation I wanted before, but the light pressure sensation (think laying a small object on you, like a coin or something similar) hasn't yet been achieved. Before, I visualized contact between them and I like a glowing spot at the point of contact, somewhat like those electric-touch-globe-things that used to be really popular, but I'm not sure what might help with this step yet. Time to get creative.