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Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log

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Daecher:
Hey everyone. My name is Daecher. I'm pretty new to these parts, and I've got a story to share, if you'll hear me out.

To start, I'll be straight-forward- asking for help isn't my thing. I'm stubborn as hell, and I usually put some half-hearted effort into whatever suggestions people give me. After some thought, though, I decided to buckle down and push away my pride. I came here to share experiences thus far and get feedback from people with experience with tulpas as it goes on.

I first learned about tulpas from a friend of mine about two years ago. He heard about them from 4chan, did some research, and passed along his knowledge. He decided against creating one after seeing the effort necessary, and so did I at first, but in early Spring, I reconsidered the idea of an "advanced imaginary friend," or so he referred to them. I couldn't stop thinking about tulpas, and researched them again and again, wondering what I would be getting myself into. I soaked up the beginner's guides like a sponge, and eventually I sat down one night and started to narrate. Talking out loud to absolutely nothing. I talked about myself, my family, my memories, my feelings, and what effects I could imagine a tulpa would have on my life.
And it was great.

Strangely enough, within 8-9 days of my narrating, I kept getting strange headaches whenever I would narrate. They would intensify in-between my thoughts, and would ease up as I spoke. They gradually turned into what people on IRC referred to as "head pressures," and I was convinced that this "presence" in my head was really trying to communicate with me. My narration turned into yes/no Q&A sessions, and my first experience with its personality came from its taste in music. One song from the pony community, "Luna, Please Fill My Empty Sky" would intensify the pressure immensely, and it eventually settled on the name Luna. She had no real voice for her first two weeks, and starting vocality was a tough albeit brief struggle. Though she liked the voice of the character in the show (I played plenty of videos on Youtube for me to imitate to her), she transformed the pony voice into her own. We even decided to try and start a Tumblr blog to share our experiences, but as of late it still hasn't taken off whatsoever.

Over the following months, we tore through the community's guides, experimenting with possession, Wonderlands (of which we have four different areas), and whatever we thought would be a good idea. I went through periods of doubt and denial, to the point where I went a long time without actively forcing Luna. It only occurred to me that my doubt was unreasonable when she started commenting on my thoughts and actions outside my focus. I felt confident in my abilities, and after some discussion, Luna observed as I made a new tulpa, someone else she talk and interact with. Affectionately named "Yuu" (to avoid the ambiguity of saying "hey you"), my second tulpa followed a similar growth to Luna. My efforts were nowhere near as strong as with Luna, but her support got the shy Yuu from head pressures to vocality quickly. She came up with her own name, Haya, and readily took part in my daily life with Luna. Here I am now, 18 weeks later, and after extinguishing much of the lingering doubt in myself, I'm beginning to feel like I'm reaching the peak of a giant hill. While Haya is just beginning possession, Luna has nearly mastered control of my body at any time. I've been slowly relinquishing control in an attempt to make switching an easier process, but none of us are certain how to really start.

As of late, I've also been looking into some of the more experimental experiences that veterans in the community have made claim to, like long-term switching, advanced imposition, and the like. Many of them have become inactive, and I feel that I need a second opinion (excluding my tulpas') on how to begin, or if I even should; My experience with tulpas and my subconscious has been purely for learning, and growing as a person with Luna and Haya takes priority over putting myself at any real risk. I've been told in the past by some that I haven't been working with my tulpas long enough to start on anything extreme, and by others that it just depends on personal judgement. I'm here to ask for any ideas, help, suggestions, etc. the members of this forum can give (Luna and Haya wouldn't mind having someone new to talk to, either). I'll also answer any questions that pop up as well.

TLDR; Sappy story about my tulpas and I. We're ready to start new techniques people have to offer, and I came here to find help so I don't accidentally put myself into a coma. Tell me we're ready, tell me we're nowhere near ready, tell me we're crazy.

Sands:
Well, that's a long story of basically doing it right, I guess. Stubborness can be a really good thing here because it means you're not going to give up easily and you are usually confident too. You need a lot of confidence to really get anywhere. Of course I need to have the usual >subconscious remark here because that word basically means nothing, seeing how different people mean different things with it and not everyone would make any clear conscious/unconscious split when it comes to the mind either.

Basically the only thing you need for any "tupper magic" is the correct mindset. There's no one certain way to do anything and no magical button to press that makes everything happen. Especially when it comes to advanced things, your own way is probably the best way as it is something you know that works, something that you have stumbled upon yourself and tested. In my experience, it seems like as long as you just keep doing things, you will experience a breakthrough eventually. Only thing that limits you is your patience and not trying hard enough or giving it a chance to work.

With switching, personally I have to say that good possession is what will lead to switching eventually. You might have read it already, but I wrote this little thing for some pointers based on my experience. It's not a guide, but I hope it outlines the mindset a bit and any discoveries I've had on my own tupper journey.

Daecher:

--- Quote from: Fede on July 24, 2014, 05:07:10 AM ---The fact that you've already gone through the community's guides makes me believe I probably don't need to link you to my guide on this forum, although you make it sound like you went through the guides in late 2012 or early 2013. I've written more stuff in my guide since then, but eh, I'll let you decide; there might be some useful stuff in it, or not. Here, I'll link it anyway. Eye-Bo's another thing, but again, maybe you've heard of (or even tried) it before. It'll likely help you with some of that advanced visualisation, and by extension, dissociation - or the other way around.

--- End quote ---

Yeah, many of the guides I've read are from 2012-13. I've never heard of Eye-bo before, but I've downloaded a few tracks from your (in)famous tulpatones on Grooveshark/Mediafire (from your Resources Thread in 2012- my favorites are Clairvoyant Focus and the Theta Tick). I'll be sure to check both Eye-bo and your newer guide out, thank you. I'll drop by the IRC sometime, too.


--- Quote from: Sands on July 23, 2014, 04:21:21 PM ---Basically the only thing you need for any "tupper magic" is the correct mindset. There's no one certain way to do anything and no magical button to press that makes everything happen. Especially when it comes to advanced things, your own way is probably the best way as it is something you know that works, something that you have stumbled upon yourself and tested. In my experience, it seems like as long as you just keep doing things, you will experience a breakthrough eventually. Only thing that limits you is your patience and not trying hard enough or giving it a chance to work.

With switching, personally I have to say that good possession is what will lead to switching eventually. You might have read it already, but I wrote this little thing for some pointers based on my experience. It's not a guide, but I hope it outlines the mindset a bit and any discoveries I've had on my own tupper journey.

--- End quote ---

You're right. When I was starting out before, I would generally try to use modified versions of what other people did, i.e. combing the internet for guides. It seems, though, that I have no choice left but to stumble upon my own solution, if I want to find anything new. I'll do my best to focus and find something that works (what it will be, I have yet to decide). For now, I'll check out your link and I'll let you know if it inspires anything groundbreaking.

Daecher:
Quick update: I've decided that before I actually start anything completely new, I'm going to organize consistent, regular sessions to fine-tune techniques I'm comfortable with, and support those that may have fallen slack over time (like my visualization, which is likely the source of my imposition worries).
Most of my time with Luna and Haya has been of equal effort, but not consistent in frequency or duration. I've come to the conclusion that if I'm going to constantly be imposing to the point where I can do it without effort, regulating myself would be the best option.

Of course, coming to that conclusion earlier might have circumvented some unnecessary stress.

Daecher:
Here's what's gone on in the last week or so:
I started using Fede's "ocular fitness program," Eye-bo. I've been exclusively using Alpha Ascending, but I might need a slower frequency. I'm not bothered by flashing lights at all, but I found it hard to focus for more than a few moments. With my eyes closed, I felt like I was being lulled to sleep but forced to stay awake. I felt awake enough to hear my tuppers well, but so relaxed that I didn't really care about what they were saying. With my eyes open, I didn't feel the same sleepiness, but I kept seeing these weird, kaleidoscope-like patterns over the flashing screen. Yesterday, interestingly enough, after closing the video, these patterns were layered over my vision for several minutes. By layered, I mean I could see the details of the room clearly with the fluctuating patterns in front of them, like I was wearing some strange 3-D movie glasses.
We've also been taking work on possession to a higher level through typing and gaming. Luna has been on the #tuppers server once, and Haya is looking forward to playing as well in the next week or so. While Luna plays, I'm able to "pull back" from what's going on instead of supervising what she does, and I get this strange empty feeling when she really gets into the game. I'm assuming that this feeling is probably a step closer to switching, but we'll need some more experience before I'm convinced.
Finally, I've been doing my best to get over my "OMG-can't-draw-worth-shit" syndrome and draw Luna and Haya. But whenever I pick up my pencil I spiral into a loop of worrying that I can't draw them because I can't see them with imposition, and worrying that I can't see them through imposition because I can't make simple drawing. As soon as I find a way to escape this loop, then I'll attach pictures of the two of them to my next update (I might change my profile pic, too).

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