Author Topic: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log  (Read 22865 times)

Daecher

  • Scrub
  • *
    • View Profile
Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« on: July 23, 2014, 12:22:34 PM »
Hey everyone. My name is Daecher. I'm pretty new to these parts, and I've got a story to share, if you'll hear me out.

To start, I'll be straight-forward- asking for help isn't my thing. I'm stubborn as hell, and I usually put some half-hearted effort into whatever suggestions people give me. After some thought, though, I decided to buckle down and push away my pride. I came here to share experiences thus far and get feedback from people with experience with tulpas as it goes on.

I first learned about tulpas from a friend of mine about two years ago. He heard about them from 4chan, did some research, and passed along his knowledge. He decided against creating one after seeing the effort necessary, and so did I at first, but in early Spring, I reconsidered the idea of an "advanced imaginary friend," or so he referred to them. I couldn't stop thinking about tulpas, and researched them again and again, wondering what I would be getting myself into. I soaked up the beginner's guides like a sponge, and eventually I sat down one night and started to narrate. Talking out loud to absolutely nothing. I talked about myself, my family, my memories, my feelings, and what effects I could imagine a tulpa would have on my life.
And it was great.

Strangely enough, within 8-9 days of my narrating, I kept getting strange headaches whenever I would narrate. They would intensify in-between my thoughts, and would ease up as I spoke. They gradually turned into what people on IRC referred to as "head pressures," and I was convinced that this "presence" in my head was really trying to communicate with me. My narration turned into yes/no Q&A sessions, and my first experience with its personality came from its taste in music. One song from the pony community, "Luna, Please Fill My Empty Sky" would intensify the pressure immensely, and it eventually settled on the name Luna. She had no real voice for her first two weeks, and starting vocality was a tough albeit brief struggle. Though she liked the voice of the character in the show (I played plenty of videos on Youtube for me to imitate to her), she transformed the pony voice into her own. We even decided to try and start a Tumblr blog to share our experiences, but as of late it still hasn't taken off whatsoever.

Over the following months, we tore through the community's guides, experimenting with possession, Wonderlands (of which we have four different areas), and whatever we thought would be a good idea. I went through periods of doubt and denial, to the point where I went a long time without actively forcing Luna. It only occurred to me that my doubt was unreasonable when she started commenting on my thoughts and actions outside my focus. I felt confident in my abilities, and after some discussion, Luna observed as I made a new tulpa, someone else she talk and interact with. Affectionately named "Yuu" (to avoid the ambiguity of saying "hey you"), my second tulpa followed a similar growth to Luna. My efforts were nowhere near as strong as with Luna, but her support got the shy Yuu from head pressures to vocality quickly. She came up with her own name, Haya, and readily took part in my daily life with Luna. Here I am now, 18 weeks later, and after extinguishing much of the lingering doubt in myself, I'm beginning to feel like I'm reaching the peak of a giant hill. While Haya is just beginning possession, Luna has nearly mastered control of my body at any time. I've been slowly relinquishing control in an attempt to make switching an easier process, but none of us are certain how to really start.

As of late, I've also been looking into some of the more experimental experiences that veterans in the community have made claim to, like long-term switching, advanced imposition, and the like. Many of them have become inactive, and I feel that I need a second opinion (excluding my tulpas') on how to begin, or if I even should; My experience with tulpas and my subconscious has been purely for learning, and growing as a person with Luna and Haya takes priority over putting myself at any real risk. I've been told in the past by some that I haven't been working with my tulpas long enough to start on anything extreme, and by others that it just depends on personal judgement. I'm here to ask for any ideas, help, suggestions, etc. the members of this forum can give (Luna and Haya wouldn't mind having someone new to talk to, either). I'll also answer any questions that pop up as well.

TLDR; Sappy story about my tulpas and I. We're ready to start new techniques people have to offer, and I came here to find help so I don't accidentally put myself into a coma. Tell me we're ready, tell me we're nowhere near ready, tell me we're crazy.
"Insane" is a just a word. There are no words for this.

Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2014, 04:21:21 PM »
Well, that's a long story of basically doing it right, I guess. Stubborness can be a really good thing here because it means you're not going to give up easily and you are usually confident too. You need a lot of confidence to really get anywhere. Of course I need to have the usual >subconscious remark here because that word basically means nothing, seeing how different people mean different things with it and not everyone would make any clear conscious/unconscious split when it comes to the mind either.

Basically the only thing you need for any "tupper magic" is the correct mindset. There's no one certain way to do anything and no magical button to press that makes everything happen. Especially when it comes to advanced things, your own way is probably the best way as it is something you know that works, something that you have stumbled upon yourself and tested. In my experience, it seems like as long as you just keep doing things, you will experience a breakthrough eventually. Only thing that limits you is your patience and not trying hard enough or giving it a chance to work.

With switching, personally I have to say that good possession is what will lead to switching eventually. You might have read it already, but I wrote this little thing for some pointers based on my experience. It's not a guide, but I hope it outlines the mindset a bit and any discoveries I've had on my own tupper journey.

Re: Daecher (and farts)'s Growth Log
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2014, 05:07:10 AM »
I wish I could contribute, but I got nothing for you in particular. You're already adept at possession and seem to be very open to experimentation despite your former stubbornness, so there's probably not a lot of new things to tell you that might help. The fact that you've already gone through the community's guides makes me believe I probably don't need to link you to my guide on this forum, although you make it sound like you went through the guides in late 2012 or early 2013. I've written more stuff in my guide since then, but eh, I'll let you decide; there might be some useful stuff in it, or not. Here, I'll link it anyway. Eye-Bo's another thing, but again, maybe you've heard of (or even tried) it before. It'll likely help you with some of that advanced visualisation, and by extension, dissociation - or the other way around.

Colonel (the guy above me) is definitely the one you should be talking to about possession. He's a dude with no life and therefore spends all of his days in a channel I once made known as #tuppers on the IRC network known as Rizon. You should join, especially if you like fruit jokes (jokes about actual fruit), but more importantly if you want to talk about tuppers with people slightly more normal than those you'll find in the tulpa.info IRC network.

Daecher

  • Scrub
  • *
    • View Profile
Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2014, 12:17:34 PM »
The fact that you've already gone through the community's guides makes me believe I probably don't need to link you to my guide on this forum, although you make it sound like you went through the guides in late 2012 or early 2013. I've written more stuff in my guide since then, but eh, I'll let you decide; there might be some useful stuff in it, or not. Here, I'll link it anyway. Eye-Bo's another thing, but again, maybe you've heard of (or even tried) it before. It'll likely help you with some of that advanced visualisation, and by extension, dissociation - or the other way around.

Yeah, many of the guides I've read are from 2012-13. I've never heard of Eye-bo before, but I've downloaded a few tracks from your (in)famous tulpatones on Grooveshark/Mediafire (from your Resources Thread in 2012- my favorites are Clairvoyant Focus and the Theta Tick). I'll be sure to check both Eye-bo and your newer guide out, thank you. I'll drop by the IRC sometime, too.

Basically the only thing you need for any "tupper magic" is the correct mindset. There's no one certain way to do anything and no magical button to press that makes everything happen. Especially when it comes to advanced things, your own way is probably the best way as it is something you know that works, something that you have stumbled upon yourself and tested. In my experience, it seems like as long as you just keep doing things, you will experience a breakthrough eventually. Only thing that limits you is your patience and not trying hard enough or giving it a chance to work.

With switching, personally I have to say that good possession is what will lead to switching eventually. You might have read it already, but I wrote this little thing for some pointers based on my experience. It's not a guide, but I hope it outlines the mindset a bit and any discoveries I've had on my own tupper journey.

You're right. When I was starting out before, I would generally try to use modified versions of what other people did, i.e. combing the internet for guides. It seems, though, that I have no choice left but to stumble upon my own solution, if I want to find anything new. I'll do my best to focus and find something that works (what it will be, I have yet to decide). For now, I'll check out your link and I'll let you know if it inspires anything groundbreaking.
"Insane" is a just a word. There are no words for this.

Daecher

  • Scrub
  • *
    • View Profile
Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2014, 08:26:00 PM »
Quick update: I've decided that before I actually start anything completely new, I'm going to organize consistent, regular sessions to fine-tune techniques I'm comfortable with, and support those that may have fallen slack over time (like my visualization, which is likely the source of my imposition worries).
Most of my time with Luna and Haya has been of equal effort, but not consistent in frequency or duration. I've come to the conclusion that if I'm going to constantly be imposing to the point where I can do it without effort, regulating myself would be the best option.

Of course, coming to that conclusion earlier might have circumvented some unnecessary stress.
"Insane" is a just a word. There are no words for this.

Daecher

  • Scrub
  • *
    • View Profile
Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2014, 01:35:12 PM »
Here's what's gone on in the last week or so:
I started using Fede's "ocular fitness program," Eye-bo. I've been exclusively using Alpha Ascending, but I might need a slower frequency. I'm not bothered by flashing lights at all, but I found it hard to focus for more than a few moments. With my eyes closed, I felt like I was being lulled to sleep but forced to stay awake. I felt awake enough to hear my tuppers well, but so relaxed that I didn't really care about what they were saying. With my eyes open, I didn't feel the same sleepiness, but I kept seeing these weird, kaleidoscope-like patterns over the flashing screen. Yesterday, interestingly enough, after closing the video, these patterns were layered over my vision for several minutes. By layered, I mean I could see the details of the room clearly with the fluctuating patterns in front of them, like I was wearing some strange 3-D movie glasses.
We've also been taking work on possession to a higher level through typing and gaming. Luna has been on the #tuppers server once, and Haya is looking forward to playing as well in the next week or so. While Luna plays, I'm able to "pull back" from what's going on instead of supervising what she does, and I get this strange empty feeling when she really gets into the game. I'm assuming that this feeling is probably a step closer to switching, but we'll need some more experience before I'm convinced.
Finally, I've been doing my best to get over my "OMG-can't-draw-worth-shit" syndrome and draw Luna and Haya. But whenever I pick up my pencil I spiral into a loop of worrying that I can't draw them because I can't see them with imposition, and worrying that I can't see them through imposition because I can't make simple drawing. As soon as I find a way to escape this loop, then I'll attach pictures of the two of them to my next update (I might change my profile pic, too).
"Insane" is a just a word. There are no words for this.

Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Penis Log
« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2014, 03:19:51 PM »
You better have an image ready of Luna in a not-too-distant future, or else...

Also, I can upload one of the theta Eye-Bo videos on my Dropbox if you want any of those. Same for the other ones like delta and gamma, but you know, theta and alpha are typically the two that are most suited for visualisation and all that stuff, especially wonderland travel.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2014, 03:21:47 PM by Fede »

Daecher

  • Scrub
  • *
    • View Profile
Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2014, 03:42:09 PM »
The theta frequencies would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
"Insane" is a just a word. There are no words for this.

Re: Penis ((and friends)'s and penis)'s)'s Growth Log
« Reply #8 on: July 31, 2014, 05:33:40 PM »
There we go.

Seems like Eye-Bo is mostly useful for the dissociative effect to you, but perhaps theta will be different.

Daecher

  • Scrub
  • *
    • View Profile
Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2014, 10:52:57 AM »
I will formally give feedback on Eye-bo in its respective thread.

With college just around the corner, I've been planning with Luna and Haya to prepare an organized list of forcing/Wonderland activities that I will keep up with outside of class. Summer has been full of random, sporadic sessions, but I'm determined to take the work out of forcing and enjoy the experience again.

Luna and Haya have both had a chance to play on the MC server, but they each have their own requests for what they want to do in our free time. Haya wants to use possession to try more physical activities, like running (though I'm not an active person, so that could end on a bad note). Luna has more interest in drawing and painting, so finding materials for her might come in the near future. I've found that actually giving them something to do that requires thought during possession helps me kinda "pull back" in my head and focus less on the outside world. I have a pretty difficult time with complex thought, but it's interesting to sit back and watch them do whatever they're doing and listen to them all the while.

Speaking of possession/switching, I have a question I've never asked before: what are your opinions regarding switching before going out in public? I feel like it would be good for these two to have interaction with the outside world (even with the possible consequences), but I'm curious as to what your experiences with it may be.
"Insane" is a just a word. There are no words for this.

Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Penis
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2014, 12:24:11 PM »
Oh man, Colonel totally needs to tell about how Duke got all weird that one time when he was in control and was in a store and someone was looking at him and said something but then Duke just walked away and it was weird. Well, I think that's how it went, anyway. But those two remember it clear as day, of course.

Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2014, 02:15:51 PM »
Well honestly, I would practice switching without doing it in front of people, you know. Though the first times when a tupper is in public, I would suggest that you don't do it while switched and instead stay there and watch just in case. You never know if you might need to give them tips or even take back control if something happens.

There's many Roswell at the store stories. Once he went to buy himself a donut because fat fuck and he was doing pretty well for a long time. Walking in there like he owned the place and stuff, it's funny how differently he walks. Or well, at least it feels like that to me. Then he actually had to pay for that thing and it was awful because he had to talk with a stranger oh no it's so hard to say hey and thanks to a random person. He did do it and all, but he was pretty shaken after it and just nope'd out and left me to get back home.

And then there was that story when he was leaving the store on another day, made eye contact with someone who then tried to start a conversation with him because you just don't make eye contact here unless you want something, man. Roswell just walked away all flustered without saying a word while leaving a trail of spaghetti sauce behind him.

This is now a Roswell thread.

Daecher

  • Scrub
  • *
    • View Profile
Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2014, 08:20:35 PM »
To be honest, I somewhat expected that. I have a feeling that it will be some time before we do anything regarding possession/switching in public.
"Insane" is a just a word. There are no words for this.

Daecher

  • Scrub
  • *
    • View Profile
Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2014, 03:50:23 PM »
This update will be fairly brief.
Having moved into my new apartment last week, things have gone by in a blur, and I haven't had much time to actively improve anything. Idly remaining aware of Luna/Haya's presence has improved somewhat, but I can only go so long without hearing from either of them before focusing on something else. According to them, however, it's easier to get my attention now than it used to be a few months ago.

Things like visualization and communication just don't feel as forced as they used to be (pardon the pun), so there isn't much added weight on top of my schedule; I visualize my tulpas every day with little-to-no effort, and talking with them feels less like communication by phone and more like face-to-face conversation.
"Insane" is a just a word. There are no words for this.

Re: Daker (and friends)'s Growth Log
« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2014, 05:09:09 PM »
>forced

i laff