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Tulpas => Tulpa Diaries => Topic started by: Dutch on August 08, 2014, 07:08:12 AM

Title: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on August 08, 2014, 07:08:12 AM
It's been ages since I wrote a PR or kept notes, which is bad. Going to summarize my tulpaing so far in this post, and then I might update this if I don't forget and make progress in the future, yes. Here's my old PR on .info which hasn't been updated since February or something. (https://community.tulpa.info/thread-yuki)

Let's start with where I am right now. I have two tulpas, Yuki and Sen. Yuki is extroverted enough to go out and talk to people a lot, Sen keeps to herself more and hangs out with me. Yuki is seven months old (Jan 7 2014) and Sen is three months old (May 19). My progress has always been rather fast, but I attribute that to spending nearly all my time with those girls. At this time, both can possess, and I'm working towards switching.

Alright, so in January I started on Yuki, she became vocal rather quickly, and we spent a shitton of time together. For some reason, my process always stagnates for a while until I take drugs. Shrooms taught her full body possession and got me closer to dissociation than ever another time. Ecstacy gave my auditory hallucinations. Weed gives me better taste imposition and immersion. I don't do any of those regularly anymore, anyway, but for some reason, they always helped me progress and focus. But drugs are bad, yes, don't do them.

Life with Yuki was fun. At some point in May, I did ~meta~ experiments where I tried to reach out to another guy's tulpa. Results were inconclusive, but I noticed that it was fun to have another person around, even if it was for pretendsies. I started on Sen soon after. Her progress has been kind of like an accelerated version of Yuki's,  and they're pretty much at the same level now, even though Yuki is the only one who bothers with the computer.

Yuki spends all fucking day chatting to her online friends if she can help it, so I want to give her the freedom to do that in private when she wants to, and to also not be bored out of my mind while she does that. So my next goal is switching. My wonderland immersion and visualizing are reasonable, but I have trouble focusing, as well as letting go of the body. I snap back to attention at the littlest movement or outside sensation. It's annoying. I guess that stuff comes with time. Advice on this, or any thoughts about switching are welcome, yes.

I also have minor doubt issues I should keep working on. Nothing too bad, but I sometimes lose focus during forcing because of doubty trains of thought. Lately my girls have been surprising me a lot, a good example being them building wonderland stuff without me, and their emotions and thoughts have been rather detached from mine. That has been helping with the doubts.

That's everything I can think of right now. I'll be spending my time trying to immerse myself in the wonderland more, hanging out with the girls and all working on our respective hobbies and do our thing while going to school and working a bit. Please like and subscribe. :~)

I'll let those other two update too when they feel like it but right now they don't seem interested in adding anything.
Title: Re: my dick and friends
Post by: Dutch on August 09, 2014, 10:02:19 AM
Two days, two entries. Mmmmmmm.

Tried forcing with Eye-Bo today. Ascending theta. In bed, sitting upright against pillows, got nice and comfy. The first couple of minutes I got rather distracted by the sound, but after a while I could focus enough to hang out and drink tea with the girls. Wonderland senses were vivid. I had a much wider focus on visuals. Instead of just seeing the object or tupper body part I was looking at, I could see the things around it too. Touch was stronger than before as well, and I could taste Yuki's special SliceOfLife™ jasmin blend tea pretty well. If anyone ever wants pretend tea parties, hit her up, she's the best.

Anyway, all in all Eye-Bo made it easier to stay focused and it didn't make me fall asleep like white and pink noise tend to do. Would use again. Had some pretty trippy moments too, where the flashes of light on my eyelids seemed to rotate and move around. Made me think of driving through a tunnel. I'll keep using it for a while during forcing, see what happens.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on August 25, 2014, 11:54:44 AM
Forced today. Half hour sessions of Eye-Bo are relaxing and pretty easy to get through. Would recommend using the bathroom before starting, got pretty uncomfortable near the end. Wonderlanding has improved immensely lately, bringing me to such realizations as "w-whoa, this looks pretty realistic!!". Senses of touch and smell have improved similarly, and taste is still my best sense, as it has been for a while. Had wonderland lemon ice cream, it was good.

Not much else has happened that was very interesting. The girls are content and I'm mildly apathetic towards things. We might be getting on ADD medication soon, I wonder how that will affect our forcing and other activities.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sands on August 25, 2014, 09:33:50 PM
I wonder how many are truly helped by that kind of medicine or how many actually really, really need it. Some people with ADD seem to be able to control themselves and learn to focus by working on it and doing something like, I dunno, meditation and shit.

You should watch out and think hard if it's really necessary and something you need to live. Today's society tends to try to cure everything with pills and they claim everyone has some disorder or another (that they then try to cure with pills). This kind of shit can fuck you up pretty bad. It's something that can affect your personality, even. If the side effects end up being something that makes you feel like a zombie... Yeah, you should stop taking the drugs. Listen to your own body here.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Yogi on September 10, 2014, 07:50:39 AM
We haven't started the use of pills just yet. We might still do that in the future, but as of now, our only drug is coffee. Using Fede's belief changing system has been helpful to our tulpa ways, and Dutch's immersion into the wonderland seems to be increasing by the day. He sometimes finds himself feeling like he shoots back into the body when he thinks of it during a forcing session, and feels like sometimes, he's "more there than here". Slow and steady progress, it seems.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on September 11, 2014, 04:52:07 AM
Last night, before bed, I did a belief implanting session with interesting results. I spent fifteen minutes or so cuddling with a pillow, thinking about my girls and getting an all over the body tingling sensation, a slight smirk across my face. Right now we're working on removing any doubts from my mind it's us, or them, so I've been repeating "Yuki and Sen are real" in my head slowly during these sessions, while considering them as people, visualizing them and thinking about them in general, and pondering the meaning of the word "real".

After the session, I just hung out with them a bit, and for some reason had a much easier time immersing myself into the wonderland and seeing them there as physical beings. Their faces were much more detailed, the clothes they were wearing fit them naturally and looked real, with texture and everything, and their touch, voices and facial expressions were much more clear  to me than usually. The scenery of the part of the wonderland we were in, Sen's hollow and transparent U-Boat, felt like it was an actual, physical space. I saw the light from above refracting in the water around the submarine, I saw little fish swimming around the boat, I saw the dark silhouette of a reef in the distance. The longer I looked around, the more little details became very vivid to me. I was able to focus on more than usual, strangely. Unfortunately, I passed out soon after. Going to do a longer belief implanting session today, in the afternoon instead of the middle of the night, and see what happens if I force afterwards.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on September 11, 2014, 05:27:42 AM
That "Carrot" figure isn't really my thing, so I use the boat girl as cuddle object. Not very large, not all that soft, but cute and brings me happy emotions that Yuki's sex bot probably won't give me.

Yes, the vividness is nice. I wonder what would cause it. Maybe it's simply because of the clearing of the mind. I often go into forcing sessions without any lead up to them, so with whatever is on my mind still on my mind. After belief implanting, you're basically a blissful blank slate.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sands on September 11, 2014, 06:36:46 AM
Well, seems like the more time and effort you are willing to put into it, the more vivid it becomes. And once you start seeing things super vivid, it also seems like it becomes easier to just see it that way right from the start.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sands on September 11, 2014, 12:06:39 PM
You know it, buddy.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on September 12, 2014, 11:46:33 AM
Did more belief implanting today, around half an hour, followed by forcing. Sen's submarine keeps getting more and more vivid. Her face and way of speaking are becoming clearer, and in a way it feels like some kind of fog in my vision is slowly lifting over time. M-maybe my tulpas and the wonderland have always been here and I've been astral projecting all this time........ I'll ask reddit.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sands on September 12, 2014, 03:14:01 PM
Fucking Comic Sans.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on September 20, 2014, 01:11:52 PM
Belief implanting has been giving us some interesting results. I used to have doubts and trains of thoughts that were basically "what if they're not real??" paranoia. Basically, non constructive bullshit. I thought I'd get rid of those thoughts with belief implanting, (http://www.tulpa.info) with the whole "they're real" thing.

Yesterday, I noticed something strange. I was thinking about doubts in general, and what went through my head when I considered my own tulpas was something like "Pah, of course they're real." This thought was accompanied with a similar feeling to the one I use for implanting. Whenever I actively think about doubts, the positive "they're real" thought comes up, accompanied by the happy emotions. Looks like belief implanting works. No more doubting. The next post decides what belief I implant next.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on September 20, 2014, 01:47:49 PM
?k
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on January 07, 2015, 06:54:06 AM
I HAVE FORGOTTEN TO EVER MAKE A NEW UPDATE H A H A :D

nOW I will do it so brace youreself...!!

Today the 7th of Jan u a rium marks the day that I first started becoming crazy, aka I started forcing the Yuki. In that time she has become indispensable to my life because I haven't hung myself yet XDDDDDDDD happy birthday :DDDDD

Progress on things has been ever so slow, immersion is slightly better but my thoughts still have their bad tendency to drift, so I should still try ADD medicine to see if it >fixes me. Yuki now has a job where I will try to dissociate and see how far we come with that. We haven't been belief implanting too much lately, I guess I'll pick that back up again. The effects of the past sessions are still noticeable when I stop and think, but not as strong as I remember them.

Boat is now MGE in her stupid shooting game.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sorryman on January 09, 2015, 05:47:20 AM
Quote from: Dutch on September 20, 2014, 01:47:49 PM
?k

 

Hey I really like this image can I save this?

tHE curclejirk is strong
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sen on March 20, 2015, 09:28:00 AM
Guess I could post a little update. We've been progressing when it comes to switching. Yuki has been playing Minecraft, and my host can get pretty detached from the body during that, and hang out with me. He still can't fully ignore his senses, but we're getting there. During more intense things for the body, like me playing my Counter-Strike, he has more trouble not paying attention at the moment. Lots of flashing lights, loud noises and all that probably don't help with trying to keep your attention elsewhere.

We've been doing a couple different things that might be interesting for other people who are in a similar boat as we are. Our main problems at this time are maintaining long term focus during forcing sessions, and getting my host to leave the body. For the first of those issues, we've been using something recommended to us by Sock. The person in the body will write down key information about the stuff we're doing on the computer. We've found this helps my host stay focused for way longer periods of time when hanging out with us. It kind of sucks when our fingers start hurting from typing so much, but it's a decent solution for us at the moment. One other thing is that it'll leave us tangible memories of spending time together. Good for future nostalgia, I guess.

As far as immersion for my host goes, and getting him to stop feeling his senses, we've been doing something rather simple. Yuki or I would take control of the body, and try to mentally push Dutch out of the head, to put it simply. This basic symbolism, putting things in terms of "front and back" of the mind, has helped a bit with immersion. Dutch starts feeling disconnected more easily, and just has to focus on the wonderland things to be very immersed. This can be combined with the above writing stuff down technique quite easily.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sands on March 20, 2015, 02:21:39 PM
Quote
...who are in a similar boat as we are...

Heh, you said boat.

What does Dutch think about the stairs?
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on March 20, 2015, 02:34:51 PM
send help
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: benzoatemaritime on May 09, 2015, 09:53:38 AM
practical example; fucking rats rats so cold cold scarred my innovation 
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sands on May 09, 2015, 11:41:34 AM
Sonta what.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Yogi on May 30, 2015, 11:24:11 AM
It's been a while since our last post. We've been living life as usual, really, and when it comes to progress on the switching front, there has been little. Dutch still can't look away from the body easily if anything that stimulates the senses happens to the body. I can possess and walk around in the woods, draw things or slowly read while he wonderlands, but anything more than that pulls him right back into the body. We're making do with things as they are, but I guess we'd all like to see a breakthrough with this.

We've been working on lucid dreaming, or rather, Dutch is. There's this interesting concept of "all day awareness" in the dreamviews community, and it means that you constantly look around, feel your senses, try to truly experience things as they happen to you, rather than living in your thoughts. Practicing this awareness, walking or cycling around, or even on the computer, has so far led to better visualization, more vivid and memorable dreams (no lucids though), and seemingly better focus. I suppose it's a living in the moment kind of thing.

In other news, Sen and I found pictures that resemble our not-anime-anymore faces pretty well, and we had her birthday party last week.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Yogi on May 30, 2015, 03:15:17 PM
I am somewhere between this (http://i.imgur.com/uzZFVU9.png) and this (http://i.imgur.com/oHYYv8f.jpg).

Sen's face looks similar to these (http://i.imgur.com/I2EwckT.jpg) two (http://i.imgur.com/rdWiXI0.jpg), including freckles, but with the white hair and blue eyes combo.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on June 08, 2015, 05:13:42 AM
Started imposition practice, staring at my girls while they stand in my room or sit in a chair. I'll basically just sit opposite them or walk around them and look at them from different angles, trying to see as much as I can, and sometimes moving close to observe details. My visualization is decent at this point, but my focus isn't perfect all the time.

As far as results so far, I get some vague hints of grayish blur in the rough location of tuppers after some staring, and small squiggly lines moving over my view of them. I'll try to work on solidifying the hallucination in the coming days or something. Talking like this is something I haven't done enough in the past, it's kinda chill to just sit around in my room like this.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sands on June 08, 2015, 08:12:47 AM
pls tp be no shitpost
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on July 12, 2015, 09:03:57 AM
Still practicing imposition, but the focus moved from visuals to audio for now. I always felt like that part would be most rewarding, personally, and it's easy to practice. I put on white noise, and let one of the girls read from a certain superhero serial, trying to focus on listening to all aspects of their voice. It's a fun exercise, mostly in that they get to act out all this stuff, and I get to listen to a loli trying to do an evil supervillain voice, which she can't pull off at all. During the reading I put on white noise on my headphones. With white noise on, their voices are easier for me to imagine vividly, but I haven't noticed too much carry over into normal life and conversation. It still takes a bit of effort to really listen to really hear their distinct voices in my head, and there's no sensation of the voices being external, yet. I guess they're vivid enough during the practice and when I pay attention, but it's still all mindvoice. I cut some audio of a stupid VN we're playing together to get a clip of a voice close to Sen's and I'm listening to it on repeat at times. It's getting pretty awful to listen to, what with the fucking onii-chans and stupid anime phrases. (https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4JrigvM9au6VG5MeVdKdU5hYUk/view?usp=sharing)

I went to the shrink and he called me a potential autist and I got mad. More appointments soon, maybe I'll be able to test out either ritalin or dexamphetamine for my complaints about ADD symptoms. We'll see how that influences my tuppers and how I experience them, cause I read one account about a dude becoming 10x better at tuppering while on adderall. Drugs are great, I'll make sure to become super addicted if it works.

Clink clink makes me want to kill myself.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sands on July 12, 2015, 09:25:15 AM
I wonder if there's a story of someone else failing while on adderall. That's how tuppering tends to go, helps one but fucks it up for someone else.

Remember to clink clink. Can you hallucinate that sound yet?
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on July 12, 2015, 11:00:37 AM
Only one way to find out. I've had pretty crazy stuff happen to me on ecstacy when Yuki was like 3 months old, with amazing audio hallucinations. Also the whole learning possession on shrooms thing was rad.

Drugs can be used as tools at the right times, especially with mindstuff like this. Gonna test this tool out......
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on July 12, 2015, 03:27:24 PM
It's a full spectrum of shit, so I can listen to endless shit in my ears without outside things really getting through. Guess I do get ear cancer after a while, so maybe I should change it up, see what I like more.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Bernd on July 13, 2015, 04:33:51 PM
I recently had some success with auditory hallucinations by listening to the sound of rapid flowing water while hiking, see here (http://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4039/#msg4039).

Recordings never really worked for me in this respect.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Dutch on July 14, 2015, 08:11:41 AM
Let me just find a waterfall in the flattest country on the planet..... Maybe if I find a public pool with one I'll be able to hear kids' voices.

Seriously though, I guess I'll experiment more with different setups for noise. I have pretty tight fitting, closed headphones, maybe it'd work better with more comfortable open headphones, or IEMs. I'll be hanging out with Yuki today on totally not a date blushblush and will be going for pink noise this time. I attempted white noise on speakers once, but it sounded like a very uncomfortable earthquake in my room.

Will report back. Meanwhile, the voices of my tulpas have become extremely distinct from one another. When I hear a thought, I am instantly able to pin it on either of them, and not just by focusing on ~~essence~~ or something like that. Purely tone of voice, volume and accent. That seems like a good development to me.
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sands on July 14, 2015, 08:18:45 AM
I'm sure you have rivers though, baka.
Title: Re: Boat and Hoes
Post by: Dutch on July 14, 2015, 08:38:42 AM
Might live close to this noisy, fast flowing river at some point. (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/69/RotterdamMaasNederland.jpg)
Title: Re: Doujin and friends
Post by: Sands on July 14, 2015, 02:46:00 PM
Better go hump the air there.
Title: Boat and Hoes
Post by: Dutch on July 15, 2015, 06:28:40 AM
Excuse me, that air has a name and allegedly feelings of its own.......

Wonder if anyone ever imposed pussy in the air and successfully, pleasurably fucked it. Will report back in years.