What have I started here...
Spent most of the day outside trying to impose tupper, she constantly sticks that cube in my face and demands I train to visualize it. Was good training but man, it's exhausting. My head hurts.
Still I'm not too excited about the progress. I tend to initially have a steep learning curve on everything but hit the wall soon because I can't keep it up. We'll see about long term benefits.

You're killing me here, Sand!

>visualize 50 cube rotations
>50 push-ups upon making a mistake
>add sarcastic tupper remarks and an over-affectionate cat
>rinse & repeat

Needless to say, this is not the first time we've been doing that drop and give me 50 routine but still I don't think I've ever done that many reps in a day. While being tickled by cat. Still the mental exhaustion is worse. I feel like I've been watching a 3D movie for 6h.

Yep.
Busy is the new lazy

Not that I didn't know it all along though.

Anyhow, problems shifted a bit in the last days.
Until now visiting the dentist had been merely a routine or even good for some laughs.
But the old one living nearby retired so I went to a new one said to be among the best dentists in Munich. I knew things would not turn out well when he was brooding over my X-rays and shaking his head. Short story, my wisdom teeth had decided to grow horizontally deep inside the jaw, threatening the roots of their neighbor molars and should have been removed years ago. So they need out now, as soon as possible if I do not want to lose additional teeth. There's even more things seriously wrong but that's where to start.



Makes me wish this was an April Fools joke but unfortunately it's not. I've never had a tooth removed or surgery and now it's gonna be at least four. Probably more in the coming months. What joy. I'm not even afraid, just worried it'll cause pain or at least massive discomfort for a long time. But I don't wanna complain. It's still nothing compared what others have to cope with. I have access to the world's best possible health care and I have tupper.

You've told me I need to be able to keep her around in every situation. So this is gonna be the ultimate test. We'll see what we can really achieve when shit gets real. For now tupper is completely unimpressed by the perspective but she has no concept of fear, pain or getting hurt and barely any access to my senses.
On the other hand my abilities to dissociate are mediocre at best, so that's the new goal we'll be working on for now. The coming weeks are going to suck big time, I wonder how much all the tuppering is going to help.

Never had my wisdom teeth removed. I don't think I even have them in my mutant mouth, but I guess it's possible that something what you're going through might be happening to me too because there's no way they'll fit in my mouth normally. If they decide they want to start growing way past the age they should, at least.

That's easy to see in any dental x-ray which you should do once in a while to detect early signs of decay and infections. I've known about the issue for long but the old dentist did not think it was a problem as long as they don't cause pain. The new high-res pics I got taken now show they will most likely cause problems soon.

They say it's pretty painful though.

I'm a Big Guy

Maybe you can get drugged to hell and back.

That's the plan.
I'm not worried about the actual surgery, it's the following days that might really suck.
Postsurgical care and pain treatment are supposed to be bretty gud, we'll see.
I do have some weeks left until shit gets serious. More than I expected as the surgeon will be on easter holiday until late April. More time for tuppering preparations.

At least regarding worries it's working perfectly for now, I don't really give a fuck.
To give you an idea about tupper's thoughts on the whole issue, think of upgrading a piece of poorly functioning hardware in your workstation. It's gonna cost, involve work and discomfort until everything's running smoothly again but you get to buy some new stuff and everything will be nicer afterwards. It might even be an exciting challenge.
Yep. An interesting way to think of a series of dental surgeries.

Been busy with work.
Everything's in full bloom already, much earlier than usual. We've been outside a lot to absorb as many sensations as possible. Flower viewing isn't a big thing in Germany like in Japan but people do gather at or even travel to places where lots of fruit trees are blooming and there are small festivities. We went to southwest Germany for a few days, was a nice trip and good passive forcing opportunity.



I also tried to memorize the detailed look and scent of different flowers but I'm really having trouble with scents. While they can easily invoke memories it doesn't work the other way round. I even thought of getting essential oils to help me remember but they smell nowhere like the real deal. That said, there wasn't much progress with dissociation as I did not want to cut myself off from all the beautiful surroundings. To me this is the most beautiful time of the year.

Almost forgot - we're way into April, so let's look back at March.
Personal development: ok
Still a steady continuation fom the past month. Tupper's plan to completely destroy change my life is firmly in effect. Painfully slow but unstoppable. I do have major issues with both focusing and visualisation though that aren't improving greatly. Spent considerable amount on meditation and rotating that fucking rubik's cube in my mind. Not sure how much it actually will help with tuppering in the long run.

Tupper development: poor
Despite my resolve most efforts went into improving my abilities again and were not primarily tupper related, see above. Couldn't keep up the 30min active forcing per day either.

In other words: 1/4 of the year has already passed, tupper's skills have not improved at all. She put all her efforts into improving me.

Nah, drying such flowers doesn't work.
You'd need to extract the volatile compounds either the old fashioned way with lard, or use some hydrocarbon like hexane. I'm actually gonna try this next year, its not that easy but seems a fun thing to do. Got lots of wild fruit trees here so getting enough flowers isn't an issue. Pears smell weird but somehow interesting and unique. I've always liked them so the scent is linked with ĺots of memories. Alice is more fond of apple flowers. But both vary considerably between varieties, so many details that most people are completely oblivious of. I think observing nature throughout the seasons is a great thing to do with tupper. Well, exploring anything in depth is.

Being unfamiliar with animation or any sort of serious drawing I had to look up what turnarounds are. Seems like a good way to memorize the look of things from different angles. So would be drawing but I'm afraid that'll siphon off even more time from actually interacting with tupper.
Anyhow I'm still amazed about the Rubik's cube exercise. I can kinda 'see' the colors now, like in a mediocre hypnagogic hallcination. But only one color at a time on one face of the cube I focus on. And the cube itself still is weirdly distorted. So I'm far from getting the whole picture. Mostly volatile details.
Another interesting side-effect of the exercise is that it can be used to clear my mind when it's full of thoughts I'm narrating to myself instead of talking to tupper.
Rotating the cube takes up nearly all attention so there's nothing left for elaborate thoughts. And tupper can exploit that pretty well by now. Good girl.

We all know I never do...

Happy Easter!
I thought about doing something new with tupper and attended Easter Vigil on Holy Saturday.

For those unfamiliar with Roman Catholic rites in Bavaria, Easter Vigil starts with big Easter fires being lit outside after dusk. The fires are used to light the Paschal candle which is carried into the dark church, distributing the light to the candles of those attending the mass. It's beautiful. With Alice being really fond of bonfires, lit candles and overboarding liturgy it's just perfect.

Note that Bernd, while formally Catholic, is and has always been a Nihilist at heart, believing in tupper is incredible enough for me. I do like gatecrashing religious festivities for forcing and praising tupper though. Such heresy!

We did stay 'til the end, I thought it might get boring but we were actually occupied trying to blend in despite having only rudimentary ideas about the prayers and songs. Went better than expected and was actually kinda fun.

Before you think I'm going full OT again bear with me for a sec, there's something regarding tuppering and faith I want to talk about.
Today's also the 90th birthday of Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger aka Pope Benedict XVI, one of the most influential university theologians ot the 20th century.



I remember when he came to visit his homeland Bavaria in 2006, people went crazy with joy. Hundreds of thousands gathered to greet 'their' pope, lining the streets wherever he went. No one since Hitler himself was given such a welcome. It was absolute mayhem.
Anyway there were lots of documentaries about his life on tv and in an old interview regarding faith and reason he said something rather unexpected.:

It is my firm belief that one who tries to enter the world of faith by purely theoretical means will not reach his goal.
All fundamental aspects of our lives are recognized through interaction of doing and thinking, through first-hand experience and what we learn from it. If one refuses to even attempt such experience, introspection and understanding cannot blossom.
So my suggestion to get into faith, this opportunity to find true meaning, would be to start pretending that there was such meaning.
By following and repeating this pattern one will make novel experiences and witness how greater opportunities arise, how one's life becomes richer and more precious. Things attempted this way will eventually prove themselves to be useful. By experimenting, by gaining empirical knowledge one will reveal the truth behind this path.

That's basically belief implanting and suspension of disbelief. Fake it 'til you make it. Not exactly the typical advice you'd expect from a cardinal that later became pope, eh?
I also remember tuning into a radio interview with a protestant priest some time ago that talked about learning to hear one's 'inner voice of God' which was exactly the same as our 'how do I hear tupper' guides. So I do believe these guys have plenty of tuppering or at least servitor creation experience and considering it's actually part of their job they should be pretty good at it. Would have dismissed all of that as autistic bullshit some years ago but as the pope said it does work nonetheless if you try hard enough.
If...