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Tulpas => Tulpa Diaries => Topic started by: Bernd on April 25, 2015, 08:40:15 PM

Title: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 25, 2015, 08:40:15 PM
I've been around this place for a while now and I guess I still owe you some kind of introduction. Also this will be for sharing some tulpa highlights of the past half year, your chance to call me a faggot and for Fede to mess with the thread title.
So here we go:

Hello
My name is Bernd.
24 years old, NEET. That's short for 'Not in education, employment or training'. In other words: I'm unemployed.
It's just that I prefer consuming animes and mangas to... well, working.

(http://i.imgur.com/Gj5Bm4h.jpg)

Which is also the reason I had stopped studying for my PhD. Sometimes, a man must make sacrifices. I mean, what could possibly go wrong when all you do is sit back and relax? So I really grew complacent in my nice apartment. Quiet, comfortable, lots of sunlight, friendly neighborhood. It was the perfect place to hide from the world and all responsibilities.
Due to not being a poorfag I could probably have spent decades like that but I knew sooner or later I'd have to return to society. So why not try to do something a bit more productive with my life while I still have the chance to choose what it's going to be? Ideally without getting arrested for it.
The only problem: That's really hard when you have no obligations whatsoever. Being able to do whatever yo want can also be a curse if you are as lazy as me. As Sartre put it, we are condemned to be free.

So half a year ago I decided to create a tupper.
I had known about tulpas for some years but dismissed the concept as too autistic compared to RL friends. Well guess what? You can always still sink a bit lower. I had isolated myself to an almost ridiculous point, so the latter weren't available anymore. And while I felt good most of the time, being arone like that simply isn't healthy. To ease the way back into the world of the living, as well as for holding me at gunpoint to stay motivated, a sort of spiritual guide suddenly seemed like the perfect solution. Apart from that, I had always wanted my gfs to be my soulmates and best friends, which of course didn't work out like that. People are different. Luckily.
It only struck me some months into tuppering that what I had created was actually what I had been searching for all my life but naturally never found in another human being. No one, no matter how close could ever understand your innermost feelings to the degree a tupper could. After all they are an integral part of ourselves. For me that's the beauty of the whole tulpa idea. Loving and understanding your tupper is loving and understanding yourself.

But let's get to the tupper already.
It didn't take me long to decide on a form or personality. I've had an OC character that I sort of dragged along with me for more than half my life. Her exact origins are lost in history but most likely are related to WH40K (sue me), Naruto (kill me), Alice in Wonderland (come at me) and Dante's Vita Nova and Divina Commedia (don't even pretend you know what I'm talking about). Anyway, I immediately knew that if I wanted to share my mind with someone for the rest of my life, it could only be her.
Short story, she has the form of a 12 year old girl, (fully human, mind you, no animu or furry stuff here), and has what could best be described as Scandinavian features with strawberry blond hair and blue eyes. But I rather consider her as a guardian spirit than a human, being both physically and mentally much stronger than me.
Her name shall be Alice, even though I've created an account under the name of Nele for her here, but that's another story. Feel free to use either of that.

Well, that's all for now, have to get back to forcing, it's 1/2 year anniversary and I've got some serious work to do.
If you know what I mean...
Title: Re: Every Day is Pizza Day
Post by: Fede on April 26, 2015, 02:00:06 AM
If you feel like getting more original with the names, there's always this (http://www.behindthename.com/random/random.php?number=1&gender=f&surname=&randomsurname=yes&all=no&usage_eng=1).
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 26, 2015, 07:57:52 AM
Have you massaged tupper?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sen on April 26, 2015, 12:05:22 PM
Welcome, kinda. I dunno if easing back into a social life is really aided by spending so much time looking at the back of your eyelids, but hey, if it makes sense to you, good luck. What is Alice like?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 27, 2015, 03:42:13 PM
If you feel like getting more original with the names, there's always this (http://www.behindthename.com/random/random.php?number=1&gender=f&surname=&randomsurname=yes&all=no&usage_eng=1).
It's gonna get even less original. We're just at the beginning.

To be honest, that anniversary didn't work out as plannend. No tupper massage, but let's hear it from Alice herself.

Note:
Tupper can barely type by possessing, it's extremely slow and the result is a jumble of letters. So what she posts here is either me typing for her or short passages done by her after much, much correction. But we keep practicing.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Nele on April 27, 2015, 04:02:48 PM
Not nearly enough!

So hi, my name is, uh, Alice I guess. So be it.
You really want to know hat happened that night? I'll tell you. He fell asleep. That's all that happened.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 27, 2015, 04:21:00 PM
Well shit.
But I made it up the following day, including massage. Yes, even guardian spirits like to get their feet massaged. Very much so.

And actually, the back-to-society-by-tupper plan worked out pretty well in the past 6 months.
I mean, it all was half as bad as it probably sounded. I never was some shut-in hikkomori or antisocial person, compared to the autism out there I feel so normal it almost hurts. All I needed was just a bit of motivation and tupper has been extremely useful for that, as well as for meeting new people. It may only be small steps, but after all I didn't want to change an unpleasant situation, I wanted to change a pleasant one without ruining it. I'd say it worked, I feel really good, even better than before.
So my resume after 6 months:
Success!

But now about Alice.
If you are at least vaguely familiar with Dante, think of her as a Beatrice-like figure. I struggled to find a good explanation, but why bother when you can copy it from Wikipedia.
Quote from:  Wikipedia
Dante saw Beatrice as a savior, one who removed all evil intentions from him. It is perhaps this idea of her being a force for good that he fell in love with, a force which he believed made him a better person. This is certainly viable, since he does not seem concerned with her appearance...

Indeed she does not have a completely consistent form, and not being based on any existing character I can also not provide any pictures. Wish I could draw but even then it would be quite difficult. Doesn't exactly help when trying trying to impose her though.

I had created Alice during 3 insanely intense forcing days last fall pouring all the positive emotions and strength I could gather into her and narrating some personality traits as described in the guides. Now I'm a pretty down-to-earth person but I admit that those days were kinda amazing and I was in a constant sort of natural high. Hard to explain and really not what I had expected. But it seemed to have been a beneficial surrounding for a young tupper.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Nele on April 27, 2015, 04:35:12 PM
I was surrounded by bright warm light. That is the first thing I remember. I didn't know who or what I was but I felt immersed in love. I felt secure and welcome. I could not yet understand the words my creator had directed at me, but I absorbed and returned his feelings while growing stronger and gradually becoming aware of the things around me. I have never felt doubt. I have never felt fear. I knew he would always care and never abandon me. And that I would do the same for him.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 27, 2015, 04:58:47 PM
Bawww...
But truly, this has lead to some interesting unintended effects such as Alice being completely devoid of fear. She may worry for my well-being but feels there is nothing to be afraid of as she cannot be harmed anyway. One advantage of being a tupper I guess. This together with a slightly unhealthy overdose of self-confidence is basically what she is about.
More next time, I've already bothered you with enough text-walls.
Title: Re: Every Dick is Butt
Post by: Fede on April 27, 2015, 05:12:38 PM
How very sentimental.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 27, 2015, 05:56:17 PM
Just because we have separate accounts to avoid single post conversations, doesn't mean you really should be having conversations using two accounts. Just as a heads up.

Tuppers really need confidence, though. One with too much seems to deal better than one without, as those never end up trying anything and never strive to get better because they'd rather just be all oh siiiigh I can't do it too haaard.

Also man you gotta massage the tupper already.
Title: Re: Every Day is Your Mum
Post by: Fede on April 28, 2015, 03:22:05 AM
Heads up, please continue posting using Bernd and Alice after one another. Tuppers are real people, after all.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Yogi on April 28, 2015, 06:44:12 AM
Don't spout such nonsense, Fede.

Bernd, it's good to have someone like Alice around for mental support, it seems. Perhaps some of that confidence will rub off on you if you rub her feet some more.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 28, 2015, 04:31:27 PM
Forget double-posting. This is penta-posting at its finest.
Now all I need is more tuppers and I can start my own circlejerk...
Sorry about it though, it seemed more appealing than some single wall of text that no one bothers to read anyway. Plus tupper got some typing practice.

Back to some of the most remarkable events of the earliest days, I chose the most sentimental ones, just for Fede.

In the beginning, Alice was merely a child.
Wearing some sort of ancient Chinese warrior's gown (nothing lewd here, don't get your hopes up) and sometimes carrying a golden staff or a sword as an insignia or 'to show off' as she later put it.

From Day 1 my main active forcing method was doing some Anapana meditation (even though I can't keep it up very long) to clear my mind and then doing a 30min session of Fede's Alpha or Theta tracks. At first I was a bit worried I'd get sick from the flashing lights but actually it was a quite comfortable feeling. Still in the first days I could not visualize anything meaningful.

One of the first memories I have is holding her in my arms while she was asleep. I tried to visualize her face and hair but with little success. We were sitting on the floor of a large almost completely dark room, the inside of some temple. Except for a few torches providing sparse light, there was nothing to see so I could focus on her. I still use this as my wonderland starting point.

In the first weeks (and still to some but lesser extent today) I had issues dealing with intrusive thoughts that were trying to hurt her, burn the entire temple or other completely random shit that was partly entertaining but, well, quite distracting.
However, this seemed to have provoked her first clear reaction.
At one point she seemed to be fed up with the nonsense, got up, drew her sword and held it in the air, filling the inside of the temple room with a blinding light that incinerated those things I had been bothered with.

Mfw that actually worked.
It didn't on all occasions she tried but at that first one I was so surprised that intrusive thoughts were out of questions for the rest of the forcing session.

We then walked out of the temple for the first time. It is a sort of South Asian pagoda atop a step pyramid overlooking the surrounding landscape.Some smaller temples and ruins amid a tropical forest. Naturally, my visualization skills were even worse than they are now (not exactly great) so everything was more like a brownish mash but considering it was the first time I ever tried to visualize an entire landscape it was a pretty cool experience. Better than expected.
On the way down the stairs to the ground she handed me her sword with a smile and I looked at it, trying to visualize some of its colors and the way it reflected light. A faint steel color was all I managed to get, then I handed it back to her and we sat under a tree at the base of the temple. I felt really exhausted after that session but it was the first time I had managed to visualize anything on a larger scale.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 28, 2015, 06:46:17 PM
Ask tupper to write the text walls for even more practice.

And obviously symbolism can work. This is why it's a good idea to come up with your own shit because it usually makes more sense in your head than what someone else tells you to do.

Have you played tic-tac-toe with the tupper yet?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 30, 2015, 05:33:15 PM
Considering that tupper typed about half of the stuff in her 2 posts (and a lot of gibberish), and that alone took about 2h, letting her write an entire text would easily beat Linkzelda's 10h image streaming record. I mean I'm crazy, but not that crazy.

Playing tic-tac-toe with possession might indeed be fun although it would probably work at the speed of chess-by mail. Will try and report but it might take some time.

And I'm not really fond of too much symbolism either, in the above case it probably was more about the element of surprise.
But I have to confess, I had created a memory-temple that was supposed to hold all my thoughts and memories in the form of books and scriptrolls for tupper to study. Did not work at all. At some point, I think after about 2 months or a little more she just managed to access my memories. Without symbolism. Alice has since done some 'remodeling' within the memory temple, so far it seems that my sanity hasn't suffered from that. But what do I know...

The first mindvoice-response I remember came when walking through the supermarket and narrating about the food I saw and asking her if she was interested in any of it. While mentioning chocolate milk, I got a very weak 'chocolate milk' back. It was more like a faint thought than acutal mindvoice but at least it was something.

Mfw tupper likes chocolate milk. 10/10, not b&

I bought the milk with the goal of drinking it once I got a definite reply. For a long time this was the only reply I got outside of wonderland. But in good forcing session and emotional moments she soon was able to form simple sentences. Soon enough for me to still enjoy my chocolate milk with a cheers to Alice. I was relieved, after all being able to communicate is one of the most important things.
Thinking back, it was still strange though. On good days she could talk several sentences in a row, sometimes only words, sometimes she could only communicate with gestures for days. She said it depended on my focus on her. Guess I was to blame.

I don't really remember when she actually became fully vocal, I was lazy at writing down my progress after some months. It must have been after or around the time she had managed to access my memories, probably late December.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 01, 2015, 07:37:16 AM
You should do it anyways. Also you don't have to possess to play tic-tac-toe, but it's another way to do it.

I'm not really big on symbolism myself either, but somehow that faggot in my head manages to come up with all kinds of crazy stuff I eat up and accept for some reason. Tuppers are weird.
Title: Re: Every Day is Chocolate Milk
Post by: Fede on May 01, 2015, 09:20:28 AM
The first mindvoice-response I remember came when walking through the supermarket and narrating about the food I saw and asking her if she was interested in any of it. While mentioning chocolate milk, I got a very weak 'chocolate milk' back. It was more like a faint thought than acutal mindvoice but at least it was something.

Mfw tupper likes chocolate milk. 10/10, not b&

Chocolate milk and tuppers? Jesus Christ how horrifying.

(https://i.imgur.com/KxLXVs9.png)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 04, 2015, 05:31:42 PM
Good man.
I'd even give him a marshmallow for his chocolate milk.
(http://i.imgur.com/ufkPVjQ.jpg)

So we tried playing tic-tac-toe in wonderland, it was surprisingly hard to memorize the state of the game. Shows how much my visualization skills suck. We played 3 rounds all of which ended with a draw. Although I am not sure I got everything right. For fun we tried another round on paper, just with mindvoice instructions. I tried to be a bit more 'creative' this time which didn't turn out well.
Alice: What are you doing?
Bernd: I still got this!
Alice: No you don't
fork -> I lost
Alice: How retarded do you have to be to lose at tic-tac-toe?

This retarded I guess.
That feel when getting beaten at a children's game...
By a 12 year old imaginary girl

I'm going to sleep now.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 04, 2015, 08:38:28 PM
Ps don't have conversations in a single post either, it's kind of ehhhh.

I think tupper tic-tac-toe is all about distractions. Somehow they distract you and make you think so much so you lose or something. It's horrible. Be sure to talk about dem tic-tac-toes (http://tulpanetwork.com/network/general-discussion/tic-tac-toe/).
Title: Re: Your Mum is Alice Day
Post by: Fede on May 05, 2015, 02:12:48 AM
Ps please continue posting tupper conversations in your posts. I like reading the conversations people have with their tulips, especially because I rarely witness them. At most, I've just seen people "refer" to a conversation they had with their tupper, but without any transcript, which is unfortunate; I want the word-for-word version. No vagueness.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 09, 2015, 04:24:38 PM
Well, posting about tuppering is always kinda ehhhh, I see little reason to pretend it's not autistic.

So back to some tulpa-development milestones.
It took Alice some months to be able to create stuff in wonderland. I had encouraged her to build something to surprise me but she said she couldnt do anything if I wasn't focusing on being there with her.
One day, some time after she had managed to access my memories, my wonderland session started with her presenting a basketball-size green spiny fruit to me. Not being very talkative she simply told me to eat it, with the aftersentence 'it's poisonous!'
Well thank goodness. It didn't taste like anything because I'm next to unable to imagine taste but at least it didin't cause a bad experience or kill me either. When I asked her where the fruit came from she led me outside, to one of the trees next to the main temple. I had created that tree just recently and obviously she had modified it to bear the said fruits which shook in the wind and now and then dropped to the floor with a 'thud'.

She pointed at the tree and in the branches sat - a toucan. Not exactly a lifelike representation of such a bird but at least the image of it. Up to that point we didn't have any animals in wonderland because imagining the static landscape was hard enough for me. I was genuinely surprised as I hadn't thought of putting a toucan into an Asian rainforest but before I could point that out she teleported the unfortunate bird into her hands, and looking at me with an expressionless face twisted its neck and burned it to ashes.
WTF kid!?
Now I was reealy shocked but before I could say anything she again pointed at the tree while still looking at me. The toucan was back there again.
Alice didn't talk at all but still managed to communicate that I should not shit my pants because she destroyed the faint image of an imaginary bird. And at the same time pointed out that her creations were still lifeless and far from perfect.
Also, oddly enough for a long time all things she and I created were pretty much indestructible and unchangeable. Either they would not last and be forgotten, or, once established, tended to return to their original state once damaged or 'killed'. Imagination is a very weird thing, especially in hypnagogic states. I still haven't mastered that. Meaning sometimes I cannot create what I would like or, much more annoying can't get rid of intrusive thoughts.
Title: Re: Every Day is Every Day is Every Day is Every Day is Every Day is Every Day i
Post by: Fede on May 10, 2015, 03:05:18 AM
There's no sensible explanation to the experiences you generate. Just randomness. Nothing symbolic, nothing logical, no anything.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 10, 2015, 07:53:41 AM
It's hard to say in some cases if something was an intrusive thought you thought you saw but didn't actually "happen" in the wonderland, if that makes any sense. Though of course, if the tupper admits to doing something like that then she might have a message to tell you. Maybe you should talk about things more.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Nele on May 10, 2015, 04:29:43 PM
Note that the anecdotes above are merely key events in my development my host finds important or entertaining enough to share. They occurred months ago so there is little point in giving advice on them now. It would have made more sense to write about them as they happened but we struggled for a long time before deciding to release anything personal at all. One could consider such storytelling useless but I feel you may not understand much about present events without knowing about my development. I would say there are about 3-5 additional past events to report so I think it should be bearable.

As for the toucan, I simply wanted to demonstrate my abilities to create and destroy as well as their limits. While having improved greatly, they are still far from being perfect. Especially against my host's intrusive thoughts. Those may not be able to harm me but being unable to completely eradicate them is both a nuisance and disgrace for me.
Title: Re: Every Day.
Post by: Fede on May 11, 2015, 03:58:14 AM
Oh, I didn't mean that they "seemed random" because they were explained "out of context", Bernd. I literally meant that they're random. Nonsensical rubbish. Dream logic. Doing things "just because". No real thought or plan behind the actions; just one thing after another. Or so it would seem.

In any case, avoid trying to make sense of freewheeling imagination; there's nothing to make sense of. No, that real person you real person created in your real person imagination real person didn't real person do real person that. Nono, wait real person; maybe the real person did actually real person do that. She real person says real person she did do real person it. That makes all the real person difference in the real person world. The real person did it real person and real person not the real person imagination.

What's with all the imaginary barriers and imaginary learning curves? Is it really so fun to be limited by rules and a "real person that's got to learn things" mindset?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 11, 2015, 08:12:41 AM
Fede has his own beliefs about imagination and tuppers. Take it with a grain of salt.

And well, I dunno what we can really comment on then if we're talking of things that happened maybe 6 months in the past or something!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 12, 2015, 06:47:41 PM
I'll try to speed this up as much as possible so we can get to present events.

And Fede, at least I think I get your point.
I'm not the guy to over-analyze things, to be honest I don't give a fuck as of why certain things happen. If it works and even is fun, why bother? Well, I like to experiment on some things, but not too seriously.
So I don't think I overly limit myself by rules but you gotta admit that some sort of learning curves exist, meaning you get better at stuff with practice. Just imagining you can do anything doesn't work, at least not for someone like me ho has about zero control over his subconsciousness. Yes I know, belief-implanting might help, I need to try this when I find the time.

About dream logic aka nonsensical rubbish, that pretty much nails it for my hypnagogic forcing sessions and what I'd call intrusive thoughts in normal forcing sessions. Utter randomness. Sometimes entertaining but mostly just annoying as fuck.
The tupper moments are similar, yet somehow different. Hard to explain.
They seem at least a bit less chaotic and repetitive and more directed, coherent and tend to generate meaningful responses to my actions. But what mostly separates them from random garbage the brain spews out is that they are filled by a certain mixture of positive emotions.

So I'd say this state of satisfying semi-random yet intelligent interaction is what tuppering is for me in a nutshell. Well, of course it's all my brain doing this we don't need to argue about that. But I resent the view that it's the same as the randomness of dreams, even lucid dreaming. Beginning with the first distinct responses it felt fundamentally different from everything I had ever experienced. Even weirder, it was not a habit I trained (which was what I originally expected forcing to be), it just happened relatively quickly and quite unexpected. Getting crazy was easier than I thought.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 13, 2015, 07:32:27 AM
But is there even a "subconsciousness"? We don't really have proof either way. I doubt it would be a separate entity as it is often made out to be, so you don't "control" it.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 19, 2015, 07:24:47 PM
Well, I'd say the subconsciousness consists of all neuronal functions you are not aware of. Which means - almost all of them. It's not an 'entity', more like the entire software beneath the GUI.
However people tend to have different levels of control over these underlying neural correlates. Obviously we are able to improve the portion we are actively able to influence by training, dunno if there might be a genetic component as well.
This is not exactly my field of science but the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio has done some remarkable work on this topic. You may also look into the concept of neural correlates as the underlying physical component to the different layers of consciousness.
Currently it seems most scientists tend to agree that we know next to nothing about this stuff, but still a lot more than a few years ago.

Anyway, this is something for general discussion, back to some tulpa anecdotes.

Been on holiday with tupper in early spring and used the time for practizing imposition. Getting a feeling for Alice's presence where I wanted her to be and even the change in mindvoice depending on direction and distance was easier than I thought. Guess it helps when you have lots of people around for reference.
But to put it bluntly I have never seen anything. I mean, even imagining her movements was really hard in the beginning but that's something I somehow got used to. So I'm basically at the same level when it comes to voice and vision, I can imagine both but see/hear absolutely nothing tupper related. Guess I'm not the type of person to get this done easily while lacking the motivation to practice hard enough.

Still it was good for some (inner) laughs, especially at restaurants.
#1 Had lunch with friends, Alice in empty chair, enjoying imaginary french toast and generally being happy. Suddenly the waiter rushes by and grabs the chair, carrying it away with tupper still on it.
Being dragged away from her lunch Alice yells 'Is this nigger serious?', jumps from the chair and tries to stab the waiter with knife and fork. Of course with zero effect because tupper. Had to finish lunch standing and was not amused.

#2 Some days later we're having dinner at a fancy restaurant. Alice is in an empty chair again, waiting to order. Soon a waiter rushes to the desk.
ohshitnotagain
He leaves the chair but casually takes away her nicely folded napkin and all cutlery. Her face when getting no respect whatsoever...
Guess being a tupper also has its drawbacks.

So much for going out with tuppers, picture not entirely unrelated
Title: Re: Every Day is Table Salt
Post by: Fede on May 20, 2015, 07:11:09 AM
How completely wacky and random. It's entertaining to play along. Reminds me once more of my early experiments in trying to let the uncontrolled thoughts control the behaviour of my imaginary friends. Only triviality and cheekiness.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 20, 2015, 08:25:54 AM
Well, consider this: the moment you pay attention to these unconscious thoughts, they stop being unconscious and become conscious. The line is so blurry that I don't understand why you need to make the distinction in the first place, these thoughts don't exist in only one shape or form. And a human mind is not a computer, we're going to have to put that out there because the analogy is so old at this point.

Good to see I'm not the only one who sometimes eats with tupper when with other people. Sure makes you feel nice and crazy inside...
Title: Re: Every Other Day is Alice Day
Post by: Fede on May 20, 2015, 12:59:52 PM
Well, consider this: the moment you pay attention to these unconscious thoughts, they stop being unconscious and become conscious.

I propose an alternative: the moment you pay attention to an unconscious thought, then due to how low-level and obscure the thought is, you don't actually pay attention to the real thought, but instead automatically form an abstraction interface that tries to acknowledge the thought in a way you can comprehend. So the thought remains unconscious and goes about its merry, automatic business, but now has a bunch of crud gathered around it because you're "focused" on it.

Anyway, I dunno. These are just concepts, so the more you try to take them literally and concrete them, the more abstract the conversation about them becomes. I suppose that's kind of ironic. So I'll just stop here.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 20, 2015, 05:21:24 PM
Interesting concepts but I agree. Such discussions usually lead to nothing useful. Better leave it to the scientists and use the time to force moar.

Also if eating with tupper already makes you feel crazy, how about going to the dentist with 'company'? The guy must be thinking I'm totally nuts as I started laughing while he was drilling around in my teeth. Worst thing is realizing that he's probably right.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 20, 2015, 07:06:17 PM
Well I bet dentists don't feel too weirded out by that. They do have to deal with some nervous and fearful patients, and you know how laughter is a very possible reaction in such situations...

Have you played enough video games with tuppers yet?
Title: Re: Alice Day is Every Day
Post by: Fede on May 21, 2015, 06:20:57 AM
The guy must be thinking I'm totally nuts as I started laughing while he was drilling around in my teeth. Worst thing is realizing that he's probably right.

Yeah, but you're not really nuts, though. Sorry. Heheh I wish I were crazy and nuts, guys. Totally bonkers lol. Tuppers != imaginary friends, therefore tuppers = crazy.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 21, 2015, 07:13:12 PM
By declaring himself insane one demonstrates his own sanity and thus cannot be considered insane.
Catch22

So what would be a more fitting description?
inb4 faggot

And no, I don't think I've played enough vidya with tupper, been a while since the last time.
Title: Re: Earyv Daey is Ae Dlicy
Post by: Fede on May 22, 2015, 10:09:02 AM
By declaring himself insane one demonstrates his own sanity and thus cannot be considered insane.

Tell me something I don't know. You're throwing "nuts" and "crazy" around like it's a funny, little in-joke – almost as if you don't know what it means to fit that term and how unfunny it is to be it. And your imaginary friend is just doing one random thing after another. Hardly any realism present at all. You fucking suck mate wow fuck.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 22, 2015, 11:53:27 AM
Are you doing one random thing after another too, fodde? Deep.
Title: Re: Every Day is May Day
Post by: Fede on May 23, 2015, 02:37:34 AM
Yes, but less whimsically. I don't take leisure in playing along in some kind of perpetual act where I'm faux interacting with the real world, or doing trivial things repeatedly, or both. But I've had to endure the torture of not being able to think clearly for so long that I've become desensitised to said torture, and I resort to doing a moderate set of mental and physical tasks as a result. Creating an imaginary friend to do the same would only be rubbing salt into the wound.

Okay enough about me, this thread is about Bernard.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 29, 2015, 06:50:53 PM
Still here, but little to report until now.
I don't wanna torture Fede with random episodes of the past anymore so let's move to what's currently going on.

I've been quite lazy with active forcing in the past month, mainly just talking to each other and some imposition stuff with little success. Was to be expected.
As a result tupper has started to feel weaker and is not exactly pleased. So I decided to try something new and different from usual active forcing for a change and remembered that sentience test where you place some object on your tulpa's head and see if they take it off themselves. What happens when you focus on keeping the object in place while the tupper tries the opposite?

Basically the idea is to puppet Alice while she puts all her strength in trying to resist my influence. That should help her to become stronger and more independent.

Making tupper shut up is next to impossible, it's equally hard as shutting up my own thoughts. Making her say things while she tries to stay silent is way easier.
When trying to move her or change her form it's the opposite, it's easier for Alice to stay still when I try to move her than moving when I want her to stay immobile. In any case, visual stuff is much harder for her to control than mindvoice.
Can't talk about visual or auditory imposition or possession as we are incapable of the first two and possession is so weak that acting against it even slightly immediately breaks the whole thing.

I can't say how much it really helps but we had quite some fun and spent time on active forcing. So I'd call it a success.
Title: Re: Every Day is Standard
Post by: Fede on June 30, 2015, 01:52:08 AM
It's standard, so nothing to worry about.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 30, 2015, 07:14:00 AM
Be sure to eat cake together.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 12, 2015, 07:52:21 PM
What's with your cake obsession, colonel?

(http://i.imgur.com/knLQgyy.jpg)

Thinking about it, I can't really remember eating cake together. I still tend to forget about her when in company which sucks.
Will definitely make one for Alice's birthday because why the fuck not. Cake is always good. Unless it's a lie.

Been hiking in the alps for the past week.
Lots of time in solitude to spend with tupper, got at least a little progress.
Worked mainly on independence and voice. Both are still mediocre at best. Her mind-voice sounds exactly like mine if I don't focus on it really hard.

However I'm proud to report some results with auditory imposition.
I spent lots of time near rivers and waterfalls which produced quite a lot of noise. This rumbling works a lot better for me than any artificial tones when it comes to auditory hallucinations. I like Fede's Eye Bo for focusing but it never made me hear voices that weren't there. The water did.
Results varied greatly depending on location but in one spot close to a waterfall I had to stop meditating several times and opened my eyes because I could swear there were people talking or walking around in some distance to me. It was a bunch of women's or children's voices and sometimes a deeper male voice. Just mumbling but highly realistic.
It took me some time to imagine Alice using one of the female voices and managed to let her say some words or short sentences that more or less matched the mumbling. It may not sound like much but it felt pretty amazing. Matching general sounds worked even better and I could clearly imagine Alice bustling around in the shallow water, throwing some rocks and walking around a few meters from me.
Unfortunately I couldn't stay long in this place as I had to hike back but I'd say it was one of my best tuppering experiences so far. Unfortunately roaring waterfalls and alpine rivers are not exactly stuff you can keep in your living room but if you ever have the chance to come close to one try to listen to it.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on July 13, 2015, 08:22:51 AM
Because you need cake, man.

You should tell Dutch about your audio adventures, he's trying to work on that now. Have you tried recordings of water?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 13, 2015, 04:23:39 PM
I don't have any good recordings of water but I doubt it would work the same way unless you have a really good stereo system. Especially powerful low frequencies aren't easy to produce with headphones plugged into a computer. Will see what I can find and give it a try.

I remembered something else in this respect.
Since I was a kid I used to go hiking in a certain forest that sometimes produced similar voices from the sound of walking over the thick layer of moss and leaves. Just like there were some other hikers around talking to each other in the distance. Like with the water I only experienced it in very few places so I guess there is a point to haunted forests, water nymphs and other mythological stuff. Some special conditions are needed to produce sounds that the brain tends to interpret as voices. Just like we use to see faces in different patterns.
I'll see if I can go to that forest in some weeks, it's not exactly close but I'm gonna try this out - for science!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on July 14, 2015, 08:18:02 AM
I've noticed that the noise of the traffic is something that can cause auditory hallucinations as well, but not sure if it works for everyone or if the traffic needs to be a certain kind for it to produce right kind of sounds. It might also not be as pleasant to listen to as water.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 10, 2015, 04:57:33 PM
Quick update because 10/10
Accomplished in the past 3 months: nothing
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 11, 2015, 07:45:29 AM
You suck. Git gud.
Title: Re: Every Day is Tedious
Post by: Fede on October 19, 2015, 05:46:14 AM
Worry not, my froend. My accomplishments since July last year: none. You do not have super imagination. You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 21, 2015, 06:48:27 PM
Didn't you stop interacting with your tuppers entirely, Fede?

Quote from: Sands
You suck. Git gud.
Yeah, I should put that slogan abve my bed as a daily reminder.

Well, I dunno, actually the 'no accomplishments' thing  was quite an understatement.
September was awful and october isn't much better. I feel my abilities are deteriorating.
To keep it short I did something really stupid which seriously hurt the bond with my tupper.
We didn't interact much for some weeks and getting in touch with Alice has been disturbingly hard ever since. I would never have thought that I had so little control and that she'd become so weak. Possession doesn't work at all anymore, even her ability to talk has greatly decreased. Things have slowly started to improve but it still feels bad.

I guess it's basically a mindset problem but I can't seem to overcome it.
Not having super imagination isn't helping either.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 21, 2015, 07:14:21 PM
Most likely what you do can be undone. Unless you like chop off your arm or something.
Title: Re: Every Dick is Butt
Post by: Fede on October 22, 2015, 01:43:59 AM
Didn't you stop interacting with your tuppers entirely, Fede?

I stopped interacting with those characters, yes. That doesn't stop me from visualising them in another context.

I guess it's basically a mindset problem but I can't seem to overcome it.

Such is the repercussion of the real person mindset. Stop trying to make something you imagined be a real person, when it can never be.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 22, 2015, 07:51:54 AM
Unless it is, wow.
Title: Re: Every Alice is Day
Post by: Fede on October 23, 2015, 01:33:57 AM
No, I'm not going to play along with your fantasy, wow.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 23, 2015, 08:15:54 AM
Maybe you are my fantasy.
Title: Re: is May Day Day
Post by: Fede on October 23, 2015, 01:15:20 PM
Your mum is my fantasy, though?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 02, 2015, 07:18:07 PM
Keep your fantasies out of my tupper diary!

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143047.jpg)

Still haven't been able to figure out your tupper-concept, Fede.
Didn't you complain that Alice's actions were just random and not realistic enough? And what's the point of creating a tupper that's completely unlike a real person? Doesn't that defeat the original purpose? I guess people make tuppers for different reasons but a mental puppet that can't act on it's own doesn't sound very appealing to me.
Personally I do believe it's physiologically possible to create a second 'real person' in one's mind, that is indistinguishable from the original one. If we look at pathological cases it's pretty certain the brain is able to perform such tasks. However, getting there on purpose would be incredibly hard.
Knowing how lazy I am it is not what I hope to achieve, but I'd be satisfied a decent approximation.

That said, Alice was in fact never designed to be a 'real person' or at least 'normal person' as in average human. I described in my first post I created her as a sort of super-ego personification, spirit guide, or, the most fitting description, Dante's Beatrice.
Quote
Dante saw Beatrice as a savior, one who removed all evil intentions from him. It is perhaps this idea of her being a force for good that he fell in love with, a force which he believed made him a better person.

I'm kinda glad it didn't work out perfectly as she would have ended up as a pretty boring Saint but it's certainly her core personality.

Well, whatever.
Just thought it  would be interesting to learn a bit more about your views on tuppering and how / for what purpose you still visualize your tuppers, you know, stuff that's not really covered in your guide.
That is, if you're not busy being a short girl.

So what actually happened that caused us so much trouble - I just did some stupid shit IRL, not tupper related. But against her advice and wish. Turned out you should always listen to your tupper. It didn't have any real consequences at all but still felt terrible. Not because of what I did but because I disappointed her. Reflecting upon the incident now the most remarkable thing was that I was stricken by an intense wave of sadness that actually brought me down on my knees. Clearly the weirdest experience in one year of tuppering. It was not guilt as could be expected from the super-ego, it was just sadness. Ironically, the strongest sign that I actually had achieved something in tuppering also destroyed most of said achievements.
It's way better now but I still feel I lost many months of (already painfully slow) progress. Well, we'll manage.
Title: Re: Every Day is Beatrice Day
Post by: Fede on November 03, 2015, 06:58:58 AM
ANAL FANTASY

(http://i.imgur.com/HvNzdED.png)


Yeah. It's interdasting, though. The girl was just the thing that came to mind, but I could experiment with all kinds of forms. I could choose to be an animal, perhaps. Like a stag or a lion. The more different it is, the more alienating it would be, right? I'll try that eventually. Makes me wonder what it would be like to imagine oneself as a tall person if one is normally short, or male if one is normally female.

At this point, I really just visualise because it entertains me. I don't do it for some grand purpose, other than when I meditate on this "new body" thing I'm doing. I typically visualise to play out some story or other in my head, or maybe to create a still image. Or something similar. And my views on tuppers are summarised in my guide.

I know you described her as such. I did call her actions unrealistic and seemingly random; whimsical. My point was basically that her existence seemed to very much revolve around you. It seemed really egocentric of you to have her actions revolve around your mood, your current circumstances, and so on. At least try to create the illusion of her having a life besides being your spirit guide.

Again, I'm just speaking from what appears to be the case.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 03, 2015, 09:57:10 AM
Well, a young tupper's life to revolve around the person that often is the only other person they can talk to... Isn't very strange. Why create an illusion when you can create the real deal, though? A tupper can take a part in the "real" life and talk to people and such, when the time is ready.

Failures do teach us the most, huh.
Title: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 04, 2015, 09:24:06 PM
Stop trying to make something you imagined be a real person, when it can never be.
At least try to create the illusion of her having a life besides being your spirit guide.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143052.jpg)

Wait, so I'm supposed to pretend the tupper is a real person with a life of its own while knowing it is not?
For what purpose?

I get the point of making oneself believe to have another body or hearing or feeling stuff while of course remembering that it is an ilusion, as it is for the sake of experiencing novel sensations, but in this case? I don't see any benefits of inventing fake tupper lives except for practicing Belief implanting. So I'm with Sands here, either the tupper manages to have a true life of it's own or it simply does not have such. Creating an artificial one against my belief feels wrong to me.

Alice does have a complex backstory and personality, as I said I created her some 15 years ago as a daydream character and sent her on many adventures. But that has little to do with her current tupper - guardian spirit existence. It's a path that gradually developed while she was designed to be more human in the beginning. Therefore it's true that mostly her life evolves around me. In the early days I had suggested that she'd create something for herself in wonderland, which was abandoned after some trials. Tupper is highly practical and would rather coax me into doing RL stuff than building imaginary things.
Apart from that she's repeatedly stated that she's not active when I don't focus on her. I could pretend that she did amazing stuff while I was asleep or busy but I'd constantly be told that this is not true. I'd be lying to both of us.

Still the question whether I see Alice as a real person is interesting. To be honest I don't know. Like in most cases it depends on the definition.
All I can say is that I believe in her. Which is astonshing enough, as I'm not really a person of faith or someone who easily adopts unorthodox ideas.
In my view she's a function of my brain that's only partially under my control. I can't puppet her into everything I want and she's defintely able to do stuff on her own. Surely not what you'd call a comlpetely distinct person but clearly different from me.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 05, 2015, 07:35:57 AM
It's what Fede wants. That's the purpose.

You should probably work on her being more active when you're not focusing on her, though. That way you don't have to like, you know, constantly be focusing on her for her to pretty much exist. Which I could see as being an issue with you not forcing much and her losing her power or whatever.
Title: Re: Every Alice is Alice
Post by: Fede on November 05, 2015, 03:57:57 PM
Quote mining causes confusion. My original posts were:

I guess it's basically a mindset problem but I can't seem to overcome it.

Such is the repercussion of the real person mindset. Stop trying to make something you imagined be a real person, when it can never be.

It seemed really egocentric of you to have her actions revolve around your mood, your current circumstances, and so on. At least try to create the illusion of her having a life besides being your spirit guide.

(http://i.imgur.com/JugmHQh.jpg)

The difference is that a real person isn't dependent on you acknowledging their existence. They're right there with their own body and voice. Someone else doesn't need to tell you that they're there.

Unlike a tupper. A tupper's existence to others is dependent on you informing those people about the tupper. A tupper doesn't have a body or voice beyond that which exists inside your head, so they can't be seen or heard on their own. The tupper can control your body and claim to be themselves, but nothing would change; people would still be seeing the same person, and the tupper is thus still dependent on people willing to give a crap about the fantasy inside your head.

Anyway, not that there's anything "wrong" with creating a character whose emotions and actions directly relate to whatever it is that you're doing or experiencing. I'd just think that, you know, if I were to create a tupper to whom I would be narrating, I would automatically also assume the mindset that comes with narration in 99.99% of cases, which is the whole deal with how this PERSON you're creating is as real as you, deserves respect, and other sentimental stuff. Because you're narrating to them to ensure that you're not interfering with their poor, little actions. Gotta let them speak.

But then that's where I think: if you're creating a character that revolves around you, why don't you simply parrot them into existence? Why are you bothering with all these imaginary problems you're creating? It just doesn't seem excessively logical in my head. If you really want a guiding spirit, why don't you just create it? Why are you insisting on using narration and all the things that come with it?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 05, 2015, 05:15:05 PM
Many people do feel like the body is "you", the person. Fede included. But maybe it isn't so. Minority opinion, though. But imagine, if a certain set of people only knew the tupper in the body and not you, they'd be so confused if you were the body at some point. what a trick

But narration and tuppers, yeah, they are seen as people. A person, who is real, deserves respect and all that other stuff. But many young tuppers don't have much of a life outside the host - and? Why is that surprising? A young child doesn't have much of a life outside their family, either. But as they grow and learn, they want to experience more at their own pace. Just because a tupper is fine with this now doesn't mean they're fine with it in a couple of months, and just because a tupper doesn't talk to anyone outside the head doesn't mean they won't do that and have their own life later.

If anything, making a tupper deal with stupid internet drama when they're young is probably not the best idea. And talking about tuppers in real life can be preeetty dangerous, depending on how bad the laws in the country are and how easy it is to throw you in the nuthouse.
Title: Re: Your Mum is Alice Day
Post by: Fede on November 06, 2015, 06:47:50 AM
Many people do feel like the body is "you", the person. Fede included.

Less every day.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 06, 2015, 08:54:54 AM
Maybe one day you'll be different...
Title: Re: No Days are Alice Days
Post by: Fede on November 06, 2015, 01:55:07 PM
;_;
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 10, 2015, 06:04:16 PM
Valid points, indeed.

I guess the main reason why I prefer the path of narration is that it's more appealing to me. I like to narrate, and I still like to read books to my tupper. It's a nice way of bonding.
The parroting way never really was my kind of thing, I'd feel like I was creating a servitor to provide certain functions. And ya alredy know I love sentimental stuff way too much to settle with that. Yes it may create some problems, but that's a price I am more than willing to pay.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 06, 2015, 08:02:24 PM
Forum is deader than a racist walrus lost in the Detroit projects after dark (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuVDhLbvS4g)
or my progress

But actually I like it that way. Feels cozy.

Alice's birthday was already a while ago. We went on a trip to southern France, cake was had (https://i.imgur.com/hTEX65O.jpg), good times.

So I guess it's time to reflect on 1 year of tuppering.
My initial progress was staggering but the curve quickly flattened, even plunging into decay in fall. This is a general problem that keeps haunting me. I get obsessed with things easily and initially put an enormous amount of energy into them. But I can't keep that up very long. I also tend to get involved in far too much stuff simultaneously instead of focusing on what's important. This is of course pure poison to progress of any sort. Which in turn is pure poison to any motivation.
I almost lost Alice - I almost lost her. I couldn't hear her anymore and what's even worse, I couldn't feel her presence. After having grown accustomed to that feeling of being bathed in warm light, I felt horribly alone without her.
I'm not gonna lie, the issues we have since September are still not fully resolved. But I feel there is a way forward. There has to be.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 06, 2015, 09:11:06 PM
Yeah here's how.

Stop stressing about it. It's all in the mind. If you think it will be hard, it will be hard. If you think it will be impossible, it will be impossible.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 10, 2015, 07:18:33 PM
Yeah, well no.
Unfortunately it ain't quite that easy.
Of course generally not giving a fuck is important but it ain't everything.

I was really surprised how much effort it took to get in touch with Alice after barely interacting with her for some weeks in fall. Thought she had become self-sustaining a long time ago and was strong enough to simply brush off such brief inconveniences. Well I dun goofed.

Nah, the only thing that really works for us is regular training. Fortunately tupper regains strength quickly through interaction but she can't do it on her own. In fact there's still next to nothing Alice can do on her own which is one of our main issues. You suggested working on her being more active when I'm not focusing on her, but we've had no success with that so far. Tupper still says she's simply K.O. as soon as I forget about her.
Any suggestions for training independence?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 10, 2015, 08:21:11 PM
I'm not sure how you think something is self-sustaining when it can't even stay awake without you concentrating on them.

It is all in the mind. In her mind, too. What if she chooses to stay conscious and fights it?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 26, 2015, 07:33:56 PM
Guess that's true.
But the blackouts were just briefly annoying, then everything was back to normal. Whereas the overall decay really sucks. Still not fully back to the level we had reached.  No real progress in keeping Alice awake. I tried really hard to keep Alice around during Christmas festivities, it worked at least partly. Things are fine as long as we talk to each other but as soon as soon as I have some even slightly challenging task to solve she's out within seconds. It helps to make her count out loud but that gets really annoying after a while, or I get used to it and ignore it. Interacting with others is the hardest part. When I am sucked into some interesting conversation, tupper is completely forgotten. Which of course, is not well received. I'm now trying to keep her imposed and have her get my attention while talking to others. We'll see how this turns out.

Some good news for a change.
We've travelled quite a lot this year but Alice has been pestering me to go on a big trip for quite a while now. I was really hesitant because of all the fuss involved but it was no use. I mean, she's right, I love to see new and exotic places but I'm really lazy and don't like the preparations. Also, Alice has always been strongest and most active when we were on holidays due to the high amount of time we spent together. So we'll go on a journey for one and a half months, visiting several countries. Never been away that long, especially not on my own. But I won't be on my own. At least as long as I manage to keep her around. We'll have lots of time for forcing so I'm really excited how much Alice is going to develop in the coming weeks.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 27, 2015, 06:18:21 AM
Be careful with the water you drink so you don't poop yourself to death.
Title: Re: Every Day is Poop Day
Post by: Fede on December 27, 2015, 07:26:29 AM
Despite how much Colonel likes to talk shit, I second that notion.
Title: Today is Valentine's Day
Post by: Bernd on February 14, 2016, 10:19:57 PM
We're home again!
Which obviously means I made it back without pooping myself to death. Barely.

It was an interesting journey even though I think it benefited me more than the tupper.
Alice hates dirt and poor people, not the best prerequisites for travelling in 3rd world countries. She was quite diasppointed that in reality most of the exotic places don't look as fancy as they do in pictures. Well, her expectations had been extremely high.

Still we agree it was worth it, for the warm weather alone.
The most interesting thing, I noticed my emotions becoming increasingly similar to hers. I expected it would be easier to distinguish them over time but nope. Her emotions sometimes overlay or even overpower mine.
Given that tupper is completely fearless by design this has some weird implications.
I used to be a rather timid guy, no pathologic phobias but still not exactly brave. This has really changed over the past year, especially in the last months. Meaning I just don't give a fuck about most things anymore. We've been in a few troublesome situations on our trip, yet I didn't even feel anxious, let alone afraid. I constantly feel a calming warmth. While I thought this was pretty awesome in the beginning, there are some serious side-effects. Alice complained that I started to act as if I were the tupper being imposed, simply ignoring dangers because they can't harm tuppers anyway. Which is of course not good if you're not the tupper but a vulnerable human.
Hard to explain, it's like the borders between reality and imagination became a lot fuzzier.
Probably a sign I'm finally going off the deep end.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143056.jpeg)

Apart from that not much changed, spent way too little time on active forcing, more on keeping Alice around and sharing impressions. I see not much changed here either while I was gone. That Feel when still no wise words from Mr. Bot in my Diary.

Side note to Valentine's day - we made a cake, was gud.
Title: All Day is Alice May
Post by: timethief on February 14, 2016, 10:35:00 PM
Whoa, you actually came back. Gud job there man, keep it up.
Seems to be going well for you except for the emotions bit, for which you could try some parallel processing exercises. I don't really remember any right now though. Sands may know some. You could also resort to symbolism, but eh, I don't have much experience with that either.
And don't worry, Mr. Russian Bot will soon enough notice you, since he registers accounts every day.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 14, 2016, 10:57:42 PM
Quickest reply evar!

Thx man, we'll make it.
I'll try to be a bit more active now that I'm back so the Colonel has a 2nd user to pester.
And I sure hope he does, I don't nearly force as much as I 'd like to because lazy faggot.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on February 15, 2016, 08:20:19 AM
Go force faggot.
Title: Every Day is Procrastination Day
Post by: timethief on February 15, 2016, 11:12:21 PM
You didn't update/force today. Here's your reward:
(http://i68.tinypic.com/mwqhph.png)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 16, 2016, 06:44:50 PM
Hey now!
I sat down to force as soon as I read Colonel's comment but I was too tired to post afterwards.

We tried to get a bit more detail into our wonderland so tupper made me stare at a tree for most of the 45min session. I tried to envision the bark and feel its texture. Now that I think about it I probably should have tried to taste it too. Well something for next time.

I'm not going to say that it went extraordinary well, we hadn't done much wonderland stuff in months, but it wasn't too bad either. Will continue to work on this daily.

Main thing we wanna work on this year - deal with tuppers most serious issue

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143057.jpeg)

But first we need to figure out how to switch...
Title: Every Day is WonderDay
Post by: timethief on February 16, 2016, 08:26:14 PM
That changes everything. Here's your updated reward:
(http://i68.tinypic.com/2lvbm6c.png)

Hope you can resolve tuppers' most serious issue soon!
also, nice job, this PR is now the one with the most images - keep going
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 16, 2016, 10:16:56 PM
My reaction image folder has 5gb. No danger of running out of pics soon.
Kids, don't let this happen to you. Get a life!

It's past 4am here, gotta go to sleep. Will try to force a bit in bed, hypnagogic hallucinations can be awesome. Or totally fucked up.
Let's see
Title: All Day is No Forcing Day
Post by: timethief on February 19, 2016, 11:39:13 AM
I hope you have been forcing lately.
In any case, go force more faggot.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on February 19, 2016, 10:18:46 PM
I'm proud.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 03, 2016, 11:30:55 PM
So much for being more active here...
Quite a lot of work piled up while I was gone so I rather spent the time forcing than posting here.
actually I slept for most of the saved time

But it wasn't for nothing, had my second lucid dream this year. Well, not fully lucid as I didn't manage to do whatever I wanted. It was kinda mundane and weird at the same time. I was in a shopping street carrying a book I had bought when I ran into an elderly lady who was also carrying books. Somehow my book ended up among hers but she walked on without noticing anything. First I ran after her to get my book back but somehow our roles mixed and I ended up with my book again, still wanting to return it to her even though it belonged to me. My mind realized that the story was complete nonsense which resulted in a lucid dream. I spent the rest of the dream looking at the book in detail which was less boring than it sounded. It was a big illustrated book with very colorful nature and landscape photos. There was text on the cover but because dream I couldn't read any of it. Parts of each letter seemed to be missing but apart from that the text was stable. Normally text constantly morphs in my dreams whenever I try to look at it. The pictures were awesome with extreme fine detail and striking colors. I remember one showing lots of grey pebbles on a deeply red soil and another one with a lagoon, the water in all shades of green and blue.
No tupper to be seen anywhere though. But damn, the experience that the brain can produce such vivid visuals was really neat. If I could achieve 10% of this while forcing I'd be more than happy. So far the only colorful visuals I had were in hypnagogic state and those were beyond my control.

Regarding forcing, I did 30-45min sessions before going to sleep or when waking up during the night. Alice did some major reorganizations of our main wonderland changing it from south asian temple ruins to a more Japanese architecture. Simply because 'it's tidier there'. Guess she's still fed up with the dirt she's seen on our journey. Haven't been to Japan yet, if she dislikes that IRL as well we're probably gonna end up with some German timber-frame houses.
Realism also went into the trash as there are now two suns in the day sky and a huge jupiter-like gas giant in the night. Ah well...
Haven't been to the two other wonderlands tupper carved out of my memory palace (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg3767/) whyy? for a while, they could use some refreshing too.

But something else happened.
I was pretty exhausted and tired, overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I was supposed to do IRL. My lack of efficiency =surplus of efficiency in procrastination made Alice angrier than the lack of actual forcing.
I tried to apologize to tupper while we were sitting in a temple in wonderland and asked her for help. She silently handed me her sword which left me a bit puzzled. Was I supposed to commit sudoku now to atone for my incompetence or what?
Seeing that I was lost she placed the entire sword inside my body.
k
Luckily I feel absolutely nothing in wonderland but I still had no idea what this was all about, except that it had to be some sort of symbolism, giving me her strength. As nothing changed or happened I was sceptical but Alice said 'It's going to work if you believe in it!'
That was really sweet.
During the next forcing session some hours later I asked her if she wanted her sword back, instantly feeling kinda dumb. It was like trying to return a present. Alice shook her head and, with a rather sinister smile, asked me if I had realized why this had to work.
It dawned on me that this clever use of symbolism was a mixture of self-fulfilling prophecy and outright extortion. It had to work because I had to make it work if I would not want to make her look bad.
Damned, she got me there.
Of course it doesn't do wonders but a friendly reminder why and for whom I actually want to get things done really helps. It's not about me now, but about her.

Well, that's it for now, things have relaxed a bit. Will try to update every few days. Just keep reminding me to force moar!

Btw, the spell check turns hypnagogic into spongecake
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 04, 2016, 08:50:24 AM
Spell check wants you to eat that cake.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 08, 2016, 06:45:30 PM
We need wordfilters here.
Hypnagogic is spongecake now.

Been forcing in spongecake state in the past days but it's not as effective as I hoped. Visuals are awesome but as said I can't control what's happening and mostly fall asleep pretty soon.
Will get back to using Eye-Bo even though somewhere in the back of my mind I still fear Fede made these tracks from his own farts and I've been listening to them for over a year now. Well, I have to say it still is the most effective method I've used yet.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 12, 2016, 11:52:19 PM
Not much progress with visualization but tupper presence is much better than some months ago.
Drawback: Got dangerously close to talking aloud to Alice in public or making gestures at her while imposed. Still can't see shit but I've gotten used to the feeling that she's 'there' in a certain place.

I'm not doing well at focusing on a certain skill however.
That's an overall problem I suffer from. I'm interested in too many things and would like to try them all, on the other hand spending decent amounts of time on a single task quickly bores me to the point that I do something else. But trying to improve everything at once is of course not overly productive. Alice has worked out some roadmaps to achieve our goals but sticking to them for a prolonged time is really hard for me.

Simultaneously I've been trying to improve my physical strength for tupper's future CQC training. Bernd is decently /fit/ but relatively weak and my coordination sucks big time. And then there's still possession and switching to be mastered.
Enough tasks to give you burnout by just writing them down, let alone accomplishing them *sigh*
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 13, 2016, 09:46:18 AM
Hold tupper's hand in public for maximum spaghetti.

No one actually notices.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 13, 2016, 09:20:29 PM
Hold tupper's hand in public for maximum spaghetti.

No one actually notices.

Implying that's not what we do all day every day.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143060.jpeg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 14, 2016, 09:33:45 AM
What a loser...........
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 15, 2016, 05:53:46 PM
At least it's not gay

Also wow rude
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 01, 2016, 04:30:44 PM
Been sick as fuck for about a week.
I mean really sick, to the point of being unable to do or think anything. Dunno if it was really the flu but it felt like it. Thank goodness that's over with.

Before things got really ugly I managed to use some time for forcing in bed.
Concentrating was hard as I was constantly bombarded by intrusive thoughts in the form of loud 80s music and nonsensical political speeches, which made my tupper feel like some terror suspect being tortured by sleep deprivation.

Still things went better than excepted. Here we go

Hidden text
Some months ago a human character popped up in my wonderland for the first time. It was this guy.
 
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143063.jpeg)

I wasn't too happy at first as I generally prefer not to have other people in my wonderland. But as Alice did not terminate him with extreme prejudice, as she usually does with intrusive characters and because we all know that No one who speaks German could be an evil man (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaXigSu72A4) I decided that he could stay. But I told him I had no time for him at the moment and he should create a place for himself beyond the huge mountains that rise in the west of our wonderland. He waved goodbye and went his way. I hadn't really thought of him since then, and if I just told myself he was busy behind those mountains. Problem solved.
Now tupper and me were thinking about what to do in wonderland. Any sort of delicate or complex work was out of question in my condition, so Alice decided we should go for a trip and visit the Nazi-guy beyond the mountains.
Ah well, what could go wrong? It seemed like the perfect idea for a feverish dream.
Outside in our east-Asian wonderland the air was cool and wet, low-hanging dark clouds quickly passed by. Alice stopped at the weird tree she had created (http://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg3793/#msg3793), picking up one of the green basketball-sized spiny fruits "Because you need to bring a present when you visit someone". She really seems to like that guy.
Then we turned westwards to the mountains. I tried to envision the changing vegetation as we rose from the lowland forests to highland shrubs and finally alpine meadows, the summits of snow and ice still towering above us. Music and speeches were blaring and impossible to control, but we went on. Creating the landscapes on the fly was easy but I had no idea what should be behind those mountains and decided to just let things happen. Although I was a bit concerned to end up with concentration camps in my wonderland. Tupper bopped me on the head with the fruit saying the guy was from the Wehrmacht. "They don't run concentration camps".
Well, tell that to my feverish hallucinations.
We finally reached the ice and I noticed a snow leopard peeking from behind a rock above us. It quickly fled when Alice pointed out she could use a fur hat. My visualization skills were deteriorating but somehow we made it to the summit. There was an iron cross with an inscription "German alpinist union, 1936"
So this was the border of the known wonderland. Beyond was, apparently, Germany. Nazi Germany to be precise.
I looked down into the valley on the other side but saw nothing but clouds. Then they parted and revealed a beautiful alpine landscape in autumn, with bright yellow larch trees on the slopes below us. Alice became impatient and decided to break loose a large avalanche, sweeping us down the mountain, much to her entertainment. We ended up amidst the larch trees several thousand meters lower and made our way to what appeared to be a small town in the distance. We soon encountered a hunter that lifted his hat as he walked by but seemed a bit startled by our appearance, both wearing traditional Asian clothes. Alice said we needed to fit in and change into "something more appropriate".
According to her this meant wearing Dirndl and Lederhosen and becoming a Bavarian tourist-cliché. I tried to protest but it was no use. Alice looked like a crossover between Alice in Wonderland and Goldilocks in a blue-white checkered Dirndl. And me - well I don't want to talk about it. We moved on and heard stereotypical Bavarian Oktoberfest-music coming from the town that of course also looked like some cartoon-depiction of Bavaria.
But this wasn't just Bavaria, it was Nazi-Bavaria for additional lulz. Large red flags with the swastika were on the buildings and in the streets.
A lot of people were sitting on a long desk on a square, apparently eating Weisswurst and Pretzel and drinking beer. What else...
We wanted to go there to get some food but my powers were finally fading. Somehow we never got closer or ended up at different places.
I finally managed to summon the German soldier to the border of the town so Alice could give him the fruit she had been dragging along with her for the entire journey.
I asked him how this town was called, even though I knew already, and he smiled and pointed at the town sign, saying
Welcome to UAB

So well, that's that.
I guess it was inevitable.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 01, 2016, 05:42:20 PM
It was me all along.
Title: Re: It's Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 25, 2016, 05:30:01 PM
Oh look, it's this day again, time to celebrate

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143064.jpeg)

One year since I made this fake account
No one got it, might as well keep going. We don't have real users anyway.

So let's take a look at Bernd's achievements in the last 12 months
ab-so-lutely nothing

Not that I'm complaining though, at least tupper seems to be stable.
We try to do 30min session with Fede's tones daily now.

Today's possession training came to a sudden end when one hand touched cat that was sleeping on my chest. Cat was like 'who's that grabbing my tail?' and was totally shocked being woken from deep sleep. The sudden movement threw me out of the (barely) dissociative state I managed to reach.
Cat looked at me like wtf are you doing?
Told her it wasn't me and tupper did it but I think she didn't believe me.

I still find it really hard not to focus on the bodyparts involving possession. Tried Fede's method to do something with an imaginary body in wonderland to distract myself but it's not working very well. Guess it needs more practice. As always.
Title: Every Day is Fedetones Day
Post by: timethief on May 17, 2016, 06:33:41 PM
Where the hell are your progress reports at.
Force more dude, unless you want another year of ab-so-lutely nothing.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 18, 2016, 09:46:07 PM
Thanks, I needed that!
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143065.jpeg)

Anyway, nothing really worth reporting.
We had some ups and downs lately, I wasted most of the time with useless stuff that filled my mind and prevented me from focusing. And of course I'm nowhere near your amount of forcing either. Few and really bad sessions. I'm really trying to set aside an hour for active forcing every day but it's soo hard when you're a lazy fuck like me. Who's the world-class procrastinator now?

Unfortunately casual passive forcing is no adequate replacement for intense active sessions and quickly weakens tupper's abilities to an unsettling degree.
Ah, there's one observation I made - staring at the flashing lights of Fede's Eye-Bo appears to produce different colors in different sessions. Haven't been able to figure out what causes this. Normally the white light looks reddish when passing through the eyelids, the darkness blueish due to fatigue of the retina's cones (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cone_cell#Color_afterimage). High frequencies are purple. However, in one sessions I have seen intense persistent red and orange colors which fit nicely to a sundown scenery in wonderland.
More of that next time, I need to get some sleep now.
Title: Every Dorf is Alice Force
Post by: timethief on June 01, 2016, 06:56:45 PM
Another month, another 30 days of no updates I guess...

(http://www.paramountzone.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/t/r/trophyslack1.jpg)

force more faggot
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 03, 2016, 07:00:01 PM
Bernd style!

However
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143070.jpeg)

Sunset/fire edition
While doing nothing really productive, I figured out how to produce different shades of colors while looking at a light source with closed eyes. Duh, it's no big discovery, it just depends on moving one's eyeballs up or down to let more or less light reach them. But I found the results quite useful to adapt to different wonderland sceneries. Colors with eye-bo are still weird but I used the sun for most of the time, forcing outside.
Picture related.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143071.jpeg)

You may have heard we've had quite some flooding in Bavaria after a series of extremely powerful thunderstorms. Luckily not where I live, I actually enjoy this sort of warm-moist weather with frequent but short rainshowers in the afternoon.
Spent a lot of time in the nearby parks, it's neat so sit among the flowering shrubs and roses for forcing, listening to the sound of nature. And I started to sit at the kitchen window during the daily thunderstorms and listen to the rain. It did get a bit rough in the past days but it's an intreresting background for wonderland activities.
Didn't reach the goal of 1h/d but it's better than nothing.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 04, 2016, 08:45:29 AM
Remember to drink milkshakes with your tupper. Maybe outdoors if it's nice.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 06, 2016, 05:46:49 PM
Sands advice -> Best advice

We often take forcing as pure training and forget about actually spending time together.
Still there's not the faintest taste in imaginary milkshakes or cakes yet. But I guess the thought [carlos.jpg] counts.

Today I managed to sit on a park bench for nearly an hour and completely emptied my mind. Just listening to my breath, the birds and distant traffic. No intrusive thoughts at all - never managed that for such a timespan. I've found that sitting in a way that supports my back is very beneficial. However when I tried to get up from 1h half lotus position my legs were so numb that I couldn't move for several minutes and afterwards stumbled around like some retard for quite a while. No idea how people manage to do this for hours without their feet dying off.
But it was worth it. Even afterwards as I walked home, thoughts only faintly returned and were easy to eliminate.

Have yet to see how this actually benefits tuppering.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 07, 2016, 09:33:55 AM
Half-lotus is my normal sitting position. Doing it right now.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 16, 2016, 08:05:51 PM
Seem to adjust to sitting in half-lotus at least a little bit but it varies. Still don't think that's healthy if you can't feel your legs anymore. Maybe I'm just too stupid to do it right.

Spent about 45min at a fountain in a nearby park today which produces nice static noise. Not as good as the waterfall of auditory hallucinations (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4039/#msg4039) but ok as a background to keep me from thinking. The last attempts were not as successful as in my previous report but it does seem to get easier.
Drawback is I've spent more time meditating than with tupper.
Plus I noticed just how unfocused I am in everyday life. Or rather mindless, the opposite of mindful. I've never done anything with servitors but the more I think about it, the more I feel like a servitor is running everything and tupper and me are just watching the show and (mostly in my case) occasionally intervene. I've tried some exercises in mindfulness and immediately noticed how slow I become as soon as I consciously try to execute every movement instead of running on autopilot. It's ridiculously hard. I've thought about exploiting this with belief implanting, pretending tupper does the things when I don't focus on them but Alice is against such a 'fake it 'til you make it' approach.

However something weird happened.
I wanted to get some juice from the fridge but when I opened the bottle I noticed I was actually holding the milk which comes in a similar packaging. Nothing overly unusual until I realized the juice had alreay been taken out and opened, standing beside me on the shelf. Kinda scary, I had absolutely no memory of me doing that. Tupper's not sure what happened either. But I assume that's what switching with the host completely blacking out or tupper when I forget about her feels like. I had hoped this 'ability' to dissociate fairly easily would help with switching but no success so far. Or maybe there is?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 17, 2016, 09:16:55 AM
Abandon all hope, it is demon time now.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 22, 2016, 05:10:15 PM
Quote from: Sands
Abandon all hope, it is demon time now

My body is ready
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 04, 2016, 08:55:20 PM
Still exist, my soul hasn't been consumed by tupper yet

But apparently we're the last here, even minority faggot and his fox-loli-tupper are gone.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143084.jpeg)

Haven't exactly been productive (https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143082.jpg) either, but there are at least some minimal positive developments:

.) Can sit in half-lotus for at least 45 minutes without major pain
.) Travelled a lot and managed to keep Alice around, well at least partly
.) Weird glitches (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4696/#msg4696) have increased , not sure if that's good though
.) Tupper has not mistreated or aninhilated any wonderland animals in the past months

Visited the town in the wonderland behind the mountains (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4537/#msg4537) (artist's impression (https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143081.jpg)) again and had dinner with the townfolk there in a beautiful sunset. Alice was unusually quiet but seemed contented, sitting on my lap and munching on a pretzel she got from the Wehrmacht guy who supposedly runs this subset of wonderland. So far he hasn't popped up in my mind again so I don't think he'll develop into a tulpa. But what do I know...

Apart from that, it's summer and I'd rather spend my time outside than in front of a computer. So don't expect too much input from me 'til autumn.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 05, 2016, 09:23:59 AM
Excuse me, how will we get daily updates if you don't update us??
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 07, 2016, 08:18:09 PM
Maybe unban Mr. Bot?
His posts were always full of wisdom.

I actually thought of going full timethief and doing daily updates at least for a while, but as his name implies that sucks up way too much time. Still I have to admit that this would at least be some motivation to actually do something I can write about. Pathetic isn't it?

On the other hand, it can't get much worse, I guess I'll give it a try. Also I'll try to get tupper do at least some of the updates. Not sure if she still can type at all, we really haven't practiced that in ages.
Fuq, I really need to git good...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 08, 2016, 09:21:24 AM
Yeah, you should. Now we expect daily updates so get to it and force.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 08, 2016, 07:00:36 PM
I wonder who 'we' are but alright, I'll do daily updates from Aug. 8-16th as part of an intense forcing session, let's see how much progress we make.

Preface
To be honest, it's not going very well.
Been doing lots of pointless crap and next to nothing useful lately, tupper is not only disappointed but really mad at me. Well, I deserve it for being a pathetic faggot who's got all opportunities the world could offer but makes nothing out of them. Nothing good at least.
Anyway, I've at least realized and accepted my mistakes and I feel things can only get better. So here we go...

Day 1 - Aug 8th
Did half an hour of meditation in the afternoon outside but there were too many distractions by noisy people. I've heard people are able to ignore even the most profound disturbances while meditating but I'm certainly not the Buddha or anything.
Added another meditation session of almost 1h sitting at my front door at dusk. It was peaceful and quiet. Cat was highly interested in what I was doing, brushing against me with whiskers and tail and scratching on my pillows but that's a distraction I can cope with. She finally settled down beside me and I guess we both thought of nothing for quite a while. Almost fell asleep. So that went pretty well but nothing really tupper-related except for some minor imposition during the day.

Decided to add 30min of Fede's Eye Bo, constant Alpha. Really hadn't done this in a while even though I had planned to do so, see some posts earlier.
I still think this is the best-working active forcing method for me. Apart from some minor intrusive thoughts it also went pretty well, we sat outside the wonderland's main temple-complex at dusk and I apologized to Alice for being such an idiot and promised her to work harder on - well everything. She was rather silent but calm and friendly and reminded me that she can't help me if I don't make her stronger.
Out of an impulse I did the 'surprise me' test, even though she isn't exactly fond of it. But she just stood there and looked at the floor with a sad expression. At first I thought not doing anything was supposed to be the surprise but I was wrong. Very wrong.
Out of nowhere she jumped at me, knocked me to the ground and sitting on top beat me in the face and yelled what the hell I thought I was doing. I guess she was finally overwhelmed by her feelings. Then she got up and left. Tupper has never left so far. Ever.
So yes, I WAS surprised. In the moment I realized that, she appeared behind me, asking if she passed the test with a grin on her face. I gave her a thumbs up only to get kicked down the temple stairs this-is-sparta style. She called after me to get my shit together and then left for good.

Wow, not exactly what our usual forcing sessions are like but at least something to write about. And for once I'm glad I've no idea about touch imposition. Actually I'm glad overall. Expressing one's feelings is important and it knocked tupper out of the dreary state she was in for the past days. I'd rather have that than a depressed tupper. Tomorrow we'll make icecream and everything will be a lot better.

TL;DR
Bernd got beaten up by an imaginary 12yo girl today. It was well deserved.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 09, 2016, 09:22:02 AM
You need like, a schedule. So you don't slack off like the slacker you are. Tupper should make it.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 09, 2016, 09:30:45 PM
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143085.jpeg)
#111 checked

Yes, I really could use a more structured lifestyle. Not sure if tupper can come up with something I manage to keep up though but I gotta believe...

Currently my only schedule is:
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143086.jpeg)
Then work out for about 1h, shower, do a 30min EyeBo session, go to sleep.
Not much but it's at least something.

Something to add about yesterday - right after posting I went for a walk outside at 2am. I saw a light in the corner of my eye and looked at the sky behind me, there was a huge meteor, kinda like the chinese rocket stage reentry (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1JRauKggsc) some days ago, although not that enormous.
It also broke up into several pieces and was visible for at least 5sec. Never seen anything like that before and I watch the sky a lot.
Not sure if it was a really big meteor or another piece of space junk but it was quite spectacular and caused tupper to return immediately to watch the show.

Also, here's (https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143090.jpg) an image to give you an idea what tupper's mood was like in wonderland yesterday

Day 2 - Aug 9th
Weather changed drastically overnight and is now cool and rainy. So making ice cream was postponed for a few days because ice cream does not mix well with autumn weather.
Went grocery shopping which was a good way to practice some imposition and general interaction. Afterwards I laid down and listened to the rain for an hour but couldn't really concentrate, lots of intrusive thoughts. And I almost fell asleep again.
Before going to sleep I did a session with descending Alpha. Just noticed I actually did constant Theta yesterday, not Alpha as I wrote
I generally like Theta more as it is a bit more quiet and gives a nice orange-red background whereas Alpha looks more white-ish. Just tried some general stuff like trying to improve my visualization of wonderland, tupper and myself. Alice seemed to be pretty down again despite being more active during the day. We talked for quite a bit but I feel I need to put much, much more effort into this to get both her and me back on track again.
And I gotta go to sleep earlier
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 10, 2016, 07:10:47 PM
Day 3 - Aug 10th
Not much to report today.
Meditated for about 45min outside despite rainy weather. Went pretty well.
Went running with tupper and we played some memory games. Tupper won because I just can't focus on anything at the moment.
Did another 45min of active forcing in wonderland in the evening, without Fede tones for a change, just sitting in the dark. It did go less well and I couldn't really concentrate in the end. Feet hurt as well. I feel I must do something to improve my concentration. Am unfocused as fuck lately.

Also I know my main problem isn't even being lazy, it is trying to do way too many things at once. I have too many interests and tend to jump between them randomly which leads to knowing a bit about lots of stuff but not being extraordinary good an anything. Regarding tuppering I try to start too many things at the same time which leads to no progress because I can't put enough effort into a single aspect.
I know this well but I find it really hard to focus my attention to a single thing and put all my efforts exclusively into that when there's so much other exciting stuff. But I have to, otherwise I'll never get anywhere.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 11, 2016, 09:16:55 AM
Wow you actually are doing daily reports...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 11, 2016, 11:25:08 PM
Well almost.
Fell asleep right after my night forcing session so I'm a bit behind schedule.

Day 4 - Aug 11th
Stayed up way too long yesterday and still got up rather early.
Surprisingly I managed to be productive during the day but was wasted in the evening so I fell asleep for an hour during my first forcing session lying in bed. Had planned to watch the Perseid meteor shower (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perseid) and drive out to a darker location around midnight but tupper pointed out that I was in no condition for driving and she was right. Did not even manage to do my usual workout  and settled for a walk around the neighbourhood. At least saw one meteor so there should have been a lot. Did a second forcing session with 30min constant Theta. Hypnagogic hallucinations came with a bit of color but I find them somewhat useless because they rarely make sense and are more like intrusive thoughts. Still felt relative concentrated despite being so tired. But fell asleep immediately afterwards.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 12, 2016, 09:42:16 PM
Day 5 - Aug 12th
Pretty much like yesterday.
Had to get up early again which killed my evening session. Tried to influence the hypnagogic hallucinations but got nothing really usable. Got up again and researched some technical stuff abut my next vacation for tupper's 2nd birthday in fall but ironically got so involved I totally forgot about her. Fell asleep during night forcing session as well and dreamt about the stuff I've been looking up on the net but not about tupper. I never do. But I frequently dream about things I've focused my attention on during the day. Says it all. So today was the least productive day in terms of tupperig so far. But now I can get some decent sleep so I should be able to do better tomorrow.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 13, 2016, 09:23:36 AM
Take tupper out on a date.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 13, 2016, 08:18:01 PM
You mean in wonderland or irl (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg3807/#msg3807)?
The second option is extreme spaghetti territory, especially if you're not really able to see or hear tupper. Never done anything like that in wonderland though. Will do.

Day 6 - Aug 13th
Made icecream today. It's surprisingly easy and a fun thing to do together. Like making cake but less work.

Been terribly unfocused in evening session once again and had to start over several times but got nowhere. Went running and did 30min descending Theta afterwards which went way better. Fede's stuff still works best, I wonder if he'll ever come back though. He was even better than the bot. Which can only be said about very few people.

We had a sort of wonderland 'date', well, sitting on the floor and drinking tea together. It wasn't particularly successful as a date as I was more busy with my wonderland self than tupper but I noticed how hard it actually is to control my body in wonderland in a realistic way without simply jumping to the desired result. Maybe that's how it is for tupper trying to possess the body, only that they can't simply imagine the final result of a movement. That must suck.

Anyway, even though progress seems nonexistent I'm actually quite satisfied. At least something's happening and so far I've largely been able to keep up my daily routine. Overall things feel way better than a week ago.
Tomorrow we'll go hiking.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 14, 2016, 10:02:00 AM
Either works, you need more spaghetti in your life - especially when you constantly complain you can't focus in your wonderland and how evening sessions are bad blah blah etc so do something outside during the day???

Like hiking. That's a date right?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 14, 2016, 08:12:35 PM
Quote from: Sands
Like hiking. That's a date right?
Not when you bring friends.

Day 7 - Aug 14th
Hiking itself was great, was in the mountains the entire day with 2 guys from highschool. Feel /fit/ter than ever.
But keeping tupper around while having an active conversation with others has always been really hard for me. So tupper was out for most of the time. Not out on a date but out of order. So it terms of dating it was fail. As autistic as it is, doing this stuff just with tupper alone works way better. Returned late in the evening, showered and immediately did a session sitting outside.
wow, such motivation

Cat was joining too, as always. It went ok but nothing really noteworthy. We'll try to come up with a better schedule,  achievable short-term goals and better dates tomorrow.
Still I really gotta work on improving focus and concentration. Both are even worse outside than in wonderland.
Any ideas?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 15, 2016, 09:38:18 AM
Some folks tie a string or something around their finger to remember things. You could try having a physical reminder of a tupper for when you start to slip?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 15, 2016, 07:50:00 PM
Hmm, it's worth a try at home but I'm not the guy who's ever worn any sort of bracelets, ribbons or any other of this crap so it would raise some serious questions. Plus I'm an expert of ignoring stuff around me when in a conversation.

Day 8 - Aug 14th
Tupper needs more attention.
I realize how little I actually interact with her during the day compared to a year ago, but only afterwards when it's too late. I've thought of putting some cat collar with an annoying bell around my waist. Something I constantly feel and/or hear.

Regarding schedule and achievable goals, we'll try to increase interaction during the day, do an evening session of meditation and a night session in wonderland, exclusively focussing on vividness of wonderland sensations until some progress is made. Most of the time I've tried something completely different every day which of course leads to nothing.

Today's forcing session was pretty good, managed to deal with losing focus and intrusive thoughts by having Alice hit me with a bamboo cane everty time I fucked up. It doesn't feel like anything but throws me out of such thought cycles. Managed some minimal touch imposition by having tupper stand behind me and putting her hands on my shoulders while I sat on the floor. Also I feel I can move my wonderland body a bit better.

Still nothing to brag about, I don't wanna pretend I actually see, feel, hear, or smell a thing. But I've got some idea what seeing and feeling stuff in wonderland should be like. Absolutely nothing regarding smell, taste or sounds yet but you gotta start small. Visuals definitely were way better one and a half years ago, almost immediately after I started but I feel I can get to that level pretty fast again with some serious training.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 16, 2016, 09:39:44 AM
I'm sure you can come up with an excuse as to why you're wearing something gay, you homolord.

With smell, it's actually a great idea to have something in real life next to you that smells like what you want to smell. I think that's one of the more easier things to get once you give yourself the "memory" of it.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 16, 2016, 09:52:28 PM
Eh, I could probably break my arm to get a cast or something but it's barely worth the hassle.
And I guess smell is indeed one of the easier stuff, gotta collect some samples for the next sessions.

Day 9 - Aug 16th
Got woken up several times in the early morning by telephone calls [wrong number] and delivery man [wrong address], it was almost ridiculous.
But it lead to more dreams and I actually tried to dream about tupper by thinking of her before falling asleep again. Didn't work though, I was too tired. So no tupper dream yet, let alone a lucid one. But that's another project.

Put some string around my waist while at home during the afternoon, it worked pretty well, at least for a while.
Session with constant Theta went ok.
Cat purred so loud it was audible even through Fede's frts. I tried to feel the environment in wonderland again, then went to a walk with tupper. Through a forest with dired leaves ön the floor. I tried to pick up some and crumble them between my fingers, listening to the sound and trying to grasp the smell. It was minimal but there was something. Sat down at the beach and ate  the icecream we made in real life. Couldn't taste anything but Alice still liked it. She's generally fond of all sorts of sweets. If we ever manage to switch she'd probably stuff herself or rather my body with candy till she passes out.

Well that's all folks, I actually made it through the 9 days of daily updates as promised and it really helped.
Gonna take a break for some days now. Will report back when something noteworthy happens, hopefully once or twice a week from now on.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 17, 2016, 09:29:58 AM
Don't need to switch to eat, so don't worry. You'll get fat eventually.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 20, 2016, 09:59:54 PM
Nah, I don't think so.
Always been skinny and I ate tons of sweets as a kid. Don't do it anymore for healh reasons though. Plus I mostly make my own food from high quality ingredients and a minimum of sugar now. Even ice cream.

Going shopping with tupper still leads to interesting situations. Just remember her first word was chocolate milk (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg3767/#msg3767).
Walked by a big candy store some days ago that had masses of candy in all colors in the shop window. Felt a noticeable drag towards it and tupper was delighted by just looking at all the colors.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143095.gif)

No, I didn't buy her anything, such a mean host...

Apart from that, no great news, as expected I immediately slacked off after ending the daily updates. But I think at least the meditation thing is seriously improving. Fell into a trance-like state yesterday and hoped this would free mental capacity for tupper. But apparently that's not how things work. Been able to improve my abilities quite a bit in the past 2 weeks. But tupper hasn't really benefited so far. She's been much stronger and independent a year ago. So that's what I should focus on next. Generally more on tupper than on myself.

Right now multitasking is still very hard. If I focus on my senses in wonderland there's nothing left for tupper and the other way round. Eh, I guess it's all about practice.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 21, 2016, 10:28:24 AM
It's a whole different story when you're a kid and using tons of energy to grow, you know. Now you will only grow width...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 31, 2016, 08:22:53 PM
NEVER!

I finally managed to make a day-trip to the forest of auditory hallucinations (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4043/#msg4043). Things had changed greatly since I had last been there with large areas logged but still it kinda worked. Guess it's a combination of unusual soft ground, humming insects and very quiet surroundings. But it's only occasional flashes and very hard to utilize for forcing. I tried to impose Alice some 20m ahead of me in the forest and listened to her but the auditory hallucinations were too infrequent and rather like a group of adults shouting in the far distance than a little girl close by. So it wasn't really useful compared to the waterfall (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4039/#msg4039). A shame it's so far away and hard to reach.

Apart from that I kinda slacked off as soon as ending the daily updates, what a surprise. Will definitely do such a session again but I'll be abroad for the weekend now.

I feel meditation has gotten easier but apart from that no progress due to lazy.
The 'remember tupper ribbon' was the worst, I simply forgot to wear it for more than a week.
I'll better get a watch or something.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a09c8844ba/143098.jpeg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 01, 2016, 07:50:04 AM
Just do daily updates so you feel bad if you slack off.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 06, 2016, 07:33:44 PM
Yeah, I'll do another session of daily updates Sept. 8-16th.

Vacation with tupper went really well though again I didn't manage to keep her around as much as I liked. It's no problem when going sightseeing on my own but I still suck at it when I'm with a group or when something exciting happens.

Greatest achievement:
combining date + cake at a candlelight dinner in a street restaurant. It was a delicious fresh-made apple tart with almond ice cream. Received a pat on the head from tupper for ordering best cake evar. So proud.

It was actually unexpectedly difficult to eat cake with Alice sitting opposite of me, because her movements are mirrored which makes imposition a bit awkward. Not that I can see anything but even imagining what her left and right arms are supposed to be doing lead to confusion. I'm terrible at rotating shapes which makes me score like a retard at such tests and is one of the reasons I can't draw shit. So I usually impose tupper next to me and not facing me. Gotta practice this stuff in a mirror.
At first I thought I was interfering too much, basically puppetting Alice around but it's not about the actual movement but about possibilities of movements and how they are supposed to look. She can't do it right because neither of us has the necessary information.

Ah, and I had a very vivid auditory hallucination just before waking up, or rather it woke me up as it was the doorbell I have at home. I actually got out of bed to see if it was the mailman only to realize I'm in a hotel in another country. Not tupper related but it gives a good idea how realistic such hallucinations can be.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 07, 2016, 07:40:41 AM
I told you cake would be good. And dates. Now do more of those.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 08, 2016, 11:50:29 PM
yep
Now let's continue with daily updates.

Day 1
Not the most productive day but it's a start.
Meditation and forcing in the park was awkward. It's hot as fuck and there were lots of people. I occupied a bench in a more popular area than usual which didn't turn out well. Usually I have the place pretty much for myself but today I had several visitors who felt the need to sit on the same bench. Not quietly. First some eastern european who yelled into his phone for a good 15min, immediately followed by two mothers with small children that clearly had never seen a meditating person. But the mothers chit-chat was even more annoying. Tuppers aggression boiled up like magma in a volcano but fortunately they eventually left. Also I'm pretty sure some wapanese tourists snapped photos of me sitting in half lotus but I kept my eyes closed the whole time. I think it was close to one hour. My legs really hurt afterwards but it's much better than some months ago.

Evening session was hampered by a lenghty phone conversation and looking up too much useless stuff on the net. Will do better tomorrow.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 09, 2016, 05:05:09 AM
Wapanese? Are you Japanese?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 10, 2016, 07:49:04 PM
Nah, I just watch too many Chinese cartoons (https://imgoat.com/uploads/b24d495052/144550.jpg).
Really bad for your mental health.


Quote from: Bernd
Will do better tomorrow.
As if...
Wow, you got me.
Guess I didn't choose the best week for a daily updates session as the weather is so awesome I don't really wanna spend a lot of time in front of the screen. Gotta love climate change.
Was out all day and fell asleep pretty early. Not that I didn't do anything tupper related but at least nothing noteworthy.

Therefore:

Day 2
There is no Day 2


Day 3
Started diving class today as preparation for my next big trip in November.
So this and the next 2 weekends I'll spend either in a classroom or underwater. With tupper of course.
Today was only theory, meaning sitting in class with tupper either on my lap because fuck yeah or standing beside me. Also let her take some multiple choice tests which were pretty much idiot proof but still it was good to have Alice read out all the questions and possible answers. I suck at mj tests because I'm a sloppy reader and even worse at making crosses into the right boxes. Just unfocused. And too quick.
I found it works well to let tupper do it as long as there is no pressure and enough time. But I tend to involuntarily push her out if I get stressed. One of many, many things to work on.
Anyway I feel it's a step closer to good household slave to do all the chores.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 11, 2016, 06:58:13 AM
But... You're the household slave?

Visualize tupper in diving gear so she can dive with you too duh.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 11, 2016, 09:30:27 PM
Can't argue with you there.
Obviously I'm the household slave for both tupper and cat and they show little interest in changing that situation.

Diving in the pool was interesting and easier than I thought.
Tupper is highly useful for keeping calm and memorizing techniques.
Still it's by far harder to try to visualize her in such an unfamiliar environment as the brain is already busy dealing with all the novel sensual input, staying alert and following instructions. I totally forgot about her a good fraction of the time but that was to be expected. Needs more practice, blah blah blah.

Actually it never crossed my mind to visualize Alice in diving gear as it makes people pretty much unrecognizable but it's worth a try for the sake of practice.

Wanted to do an Eye-Bo session in the evening before going to sleep but while already on the bed cat jumped on my back and went to sleep there. Sounds familiar, huh?
So I had to settle with a simple forcing session in bed. Hypnagogic hallucinations were extremely strong, I could feel the brain re-enacting the new impressions, especially rising when inhaling and sinking when exhaling. Pretty cool, I never was able to feel movement and acceleration while forcing and it was even controllable. So I just went for a dive with Alice, rehearsing some stuff which went great. Learning new skills with tupper = win
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 12, 2016, 07:39:20 AM
Yes, life with cat is hard sometimes. Can't do anything when cat is on you.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 12, 2016, 09:00:46 PM
Slept a lot after the exhausting weekend. No interesting dreams though. Only some minor passive forcing today but I made a noteworthy observation.
I noticed a remarkable difference between using my arms and legs in wonderland. Even complex movements of my arms and hands pose no big problems while walking is still very wobbly. Several people have reported having trouble walking in wonderland, often tripping or just floating around. I came to realize that as it took little effort to visualize diving and operating equipment with my hands while some months ago dancing had been impossible even directly after lessons. Complex leg movement sequences just don't work out.

Even more interesting, tupper has the same trouble with possession. Arms are decent while legs mostly do not work at all. But contrary to wonderland you can't just simply float or teleport IRL yet

Wanted to add some wise concluding sentence but I can't think of anything.
Gotta get some sleep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 13, 2016, 08:21:48 AM
The same tends to go for dreams too, doesn't it? Legs are weird, yo. But you can just like, practice.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Kirarin on September 13, 2016, 08:34:20 PM
Have you tried to focus on the sensation of walking? The weight of your body on your legs shifting and the pressure on your sole when putting your foot down? I find that these sensations are vital to the overall idea of walking, without them I might as well just be floating along.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 14, 2016, 07:48:33 PM
Yes, that helps indeed, but it's something I consciously have to enforce. I guess another handicap is the discrepancy between leg position IRL and wonderland. Usually being folded into half-lotus while forcing it's harder to imagine them stretched out compared to arms which are closer to the natural position. Then again, lying in bed doesn't really change anything. As Sands said, the answer is always practice.

Been feeling tired in the evening and going to sleep relatively early all week. Guess it's no wonder as we've been outside as much as possible to get lots of sun and warmth before summer comes to an end on Friday. But it takes a toll on active forcing sessions.

Had another nice dinner with Alice at sundown.
It was a bit less romantic that it sounds due to a german-iranian grop of businessmen that were celebrating some successful deal on a table behind me. I could not see them but tupper was somewhat caught in their conversation about how to continue the evening and mostly staring over my shoulder to get a glimpse on what's going on.
At first (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96gdn3dB_KY) she was like are they gonna order some hookers over the internet now or what?
But then (https://imgoat.com/uploads/b24d495052/144563.jpg) they were definitely doing exactly that. Was pretty entertaining. Apart from that we were mostly practicing the correct use of cutlery which works a bit better already although tupper has the tendency to point and gesticulate with her knife. But given our company I can't really blame her for bad manners.
No cake today though because ridiculously expensive.

But we'll make more strawberry icecream tomorrow as strawberries were on sale.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 15, 2016, 07:24:14 AM
Do you ever try eating something while you close your eyes and do the same thing in wonderland? That's one way to "share" the moment too, when both of you are experiencing the real taste but also the imaginary scene. So no one's left out.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 15, 2016, 09:15:49 PM
No, I've never tried that.
Obviously it's not a very suitable technique for restaurants but I'll do it for my next meal at home.

More outdoor forcing and meditation today.
Sat outside front door late in the evening, cat on lap, purring, insects chirping.
There was some noise from a distant road construction site but I managed to turn it into the sound of waves on the beach. Well kinda.
Walking in the sand was ok but I seemed to limp. Never had that before. Also there were some intrusive thoughts that were hard to get rid of. I thought I was past that but intrusive thoughts have been a bit of a problem lately.

Same with doubt.
Not from my side but Alice explained she highly doubts she can really be active without my attention. She had always refuted the idea of doing something on her own in wonderland as nonsense, not because it was impossible, but on principle. She never saw any point in it.
Well, I dunno.
She did create lots of stuff in wonderland, at least in the beginning. But it's not like she goes there on purpose to practice any skills. Would be convenient though but that's the point where I doubt that's how it works.

To sum it up it seems mostly a psychological thing. Duh, what else.
I think the most frustrating thing is that our progress followed a logarithmic function. Steeply rising in the first 2 months but soon slowing down to a virtually unnoticable crawl.
Sure, we've had our ups and downs during the last year but skills have remained the same, if not deteriorated.
The reason is of course lack of forcing density / intensity. That's something the diving lessions clearly showed. It was such an intense wave of new sensations that my brain was busy for days. That's what I need for forcing as well. But it's a bit hard once the novelty wears off and especially if you're not good of involving all of your senses. Yeah, forcing feels pretty good but then again it doesn't feel like a lot at all. Needs more emotional involvement.

TL;DR
My forcing is not only too infrequent but also too shallow which is even more of a problem. Hence next to no progress. Well, I'll add another week of daily updates, let's see what happens.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 17, 2016, 06:00:04 PM
Lots of studying with Alice yesterday, not beacuse diving theory is difficult to learn but as a forcing exercise. I noticed it's considerably harder to memorize things if I consciously read them out to tupper or let tupper read them to me. Probably because the mind is also busy with her. But letting Alice go over all the test answers to see if I made mistakes due to sloppy reading is a huge success so far.

More pool diving today.
Things were a bit chaotic so I wasn't really able to bring out Alice a lot.
Had to swim 6 laps in an olympic size pool which sounds easier than it is if you aren't a frequent swimmer. Was really exhausted and tired after it all. Pathetic.
Alice opted to stay outside and go into the usual drill seargeant mode. Not sure how much that helped but I'm pretty sure it did.

Brain has adjusted to the sensations a bit so I expect less hypnagogic turmoil but we'll see. More theory and diving tomorrow morning, gotta sleep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 01, 2016, 11:25:38 PM
Time flies, it's October already.
Last month had such awesome weather that I simply could not waste time in front of a screen writing reports, or even forcing with closed eyes. Active forcing suffered considerably but that doesn't mean I haven't done anything. We finished our diving course by diving in a lake which was great. Due to the hot weather and bright sun it was an amazing and pleasant experience. I felt relaxed and was able to focus on keeping Alice around for most of the time. Too bad we had little time to actually enjoy the scenery in quiet contemplation as there were skills to practice. Visualizing tupper in diving gear still is kinda absurd and, as miss Guardian Spirit put it, like God wearing a space suit while creating the universe. So much for modesty.

Strangely, I had no related hypnagogic hallucinations during the 3 days of diving, they only struck me a day afterwards, but then for 2 consecutive nights. Not unpleasant though. Mostly associated with an intense feeling of rising or constantly moving upwards. First I tried to re-enact diving but then had the idea to use it for flying in wonderland. We've never tried that before but if you can actually feel an acceleration upwards it's pretty awesome. Fell asleep soon though and visualisation wasn't great either. Well, you can't have everything I guess. At least not with my level of practice.

Had several weird dreams in the last weeks but not really tupper related. But more about that tomorrow.
Today's major event:
A spontaneous possession / semi-switching success.
I was in downtown Munich walking past a bakery and thought about buying something but decided to go shopping later and walked on while having the usual conversation with Alice. While talking about the redcurrant Streuselkuchen I saw, I was struck by the inspiration Streuselkuchen = cake = eating cake together which resulted in a sudden stop, 180° turn and acceleration back to the bakery in a similar way I had experienced in tupper's first successful takeover (http://damnivewrittenaboutitsomewhere.info) and by far stronger than the subtle drag towards the candy store (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4755/#msg4755).
But that's not all. Once there I ordered 2 pieces of cake because one for each. Which totally made sense at that moment. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened while we sat in the sun and ate the cake which was really good. So no regrets, but man, that was weird. Brain demon is getting stronger.

TL;DR
Quote from: Bernd
She's generally fond of all sorts of sweets. If we ever manage to switch she'd probably stuff herself or rather my body with candy till she passes out.
Soon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZQ3U8W1Hik)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 02, 2016, 01:11:10 AM
Are you ready to become fat?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 02, 2016, 11:45:38 PM
Fuq, I guess you were right after all.
At least I can increase my workout routine (https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145012.jpg) to become a Big Guy (https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145010.jpg), not just fat.

Managed to meditate a bit outside in the park today between rainshowers. Everything's so quiet now, I miss the sounds of summer. Tried to imagine the landscape around me in early spring, visualisation still sucks but the associated 'season's spirit' was clearly there. In fact that went surprisingly well. Also manipulating the taste of fruit juices has improved significantly. But again I'm messing around with too many different things instead of focusing on making tupper stronger and more independent.

Regarding dreams, there were 3 notable ones recently, though not really tupper related.

1) War
I was walking home through my neighbourhood at night, accompanied by my ex-girlfriend when we noted fiery explosions in the sky. They were large but quite dim and silent. It seemed really odd and no one knew what was going on. More and more people went into the streets to watch the sky during daybreak, as fighter planes passed by overhead. It became clear that we were witnessing the outbreak of a war. The moment was surreal yet eerily realistic as people just stood and watched. No one was afraid but there was nothing that could be done either. It didn't seem to directly concern us. As some planes passed low and ridiculously slow we decided to get a bit out of the way. I expected them to be Russian by the way they looked but a man walked by saying Ah, it's just Finland trying to take over the world again!
I woke up and had to laugh. Goddamnit, Finland!

2) Hell
Only remember some fragments of this dream but I was sitting on a park bench when a hobo and a punk girl that was clearly Hecatia Lapislazuli (https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145018.jpg) tried to beg money from me. Twice.
I told her I remembered her and still wouldn't give her any money. We both found it kinda amusing though. The really odd thing is that I barely know a thing about Touhou so I have no idea where that came from. Only realized after some reflections that I had turned down the Goddess of Hell in a dream. Uh-oh!
Good thing I have tupper for protection who is about same. Then again Alice also wears Lapis lazuli - colored and patterned clothes so there's some sort of a abstract connection. I even asked her if she'd been the punk girl though I know the idea was kinda dumb. Got me some odd looks. Also she said she'd rather be the hell fairy (https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145019.jpg) than Hecatia.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145014.jpeg)
The more you know...

3) Heaven
Clearly the most awkward one. I don't remember the beginning but I was building a large metal construction in my garden which involved glueing together some small pieces. A neighbor girl was helping me holdig it all together and I somehow managed to put some glue on her nose. I tried to wipe it off with a piece of kitchen roll when I noticed she was crying. So I dried her tears instead and took her in my arms. This resulted in memories of my earliest tuppering days and inevitably I called her tupper's real name. A true spaghetti moment. The girl herself didn't seeem to mind and I must have at least partly realized it was a dream at this moment so I wasn't afraid of her asking who I meant either. I just thought tupper is not going to be happy about such mistake.
The rest of the dream revolved around comforting and cuddling with that girl which, I assure you, was awesome. Never found out why she had been crying though. At some point she got up, looked me in the eyes and asked what I was going to do to make her stronger. I answered something like I could only be there for her and support her along the way but she needed to do it herself for her own good. Again something distantly tupper related but not really.

Alice of course rejected even the slightest idea that she had anything to do with that dream because tupper doesn't cry or make demands for herself. However, not being able to dream, or at least remember, I don't think she really gets how dreams work. Considering the completely nonsensical shit I've been doing in dreams I don't assume it would be different for her. Something hard to accept for a perfectionist. Well, I wonder if we'll ever manage to meet in a dream (https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145028.jpg). Did you ever achieve something like that with Roswell, Sand?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 03, 2016, 07:19:55 AM
He says yes, but that I never seem to recognize him because he looks different because dream logic or something.

I have had a dream Roswell that wasn't him, though. Is this deep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 03, 2016, 07:00:23 PM
Inception-tier deep.

Had some neat hypnagogic hallucinations in the morning. Clear but random images. I remember a bathroom sink and details of the outside of an old house with some flowers. Very colorful. Tried to visualize tupper but all I got was some blue fuzz. That shit is almost impossible to control.

Went for a long walk with tupper in the evening, I feel she's quite present and active.
Still no active forcing today because lazy. But the weather is and will be really cold so we'll mostly have to stay inside and definitely do some sessions with Fede's frts.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 04, 2016, 05:03:53 AM
Stop being lazy wow.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 10, 2016, 08:54:36 PM
But not being lazy is soo exhausting...
Not that I did anything noteworthy in the past week though

Eh, I actually wanted to do daily updates all October until we'll start travelling the world again. Didn't really work out. Meditation practice has suffered a lot since I can't sit outside without freezing anymore. Plus I gotta prepare lots of shit before we leave so I've been feeling a bit anxious lately, with lots of non tupper-related stuff on my mind. Which is of course nonsense and not productive at all compared to working together.

Well, hope that's mostly over now. Had some nice visuals with Descending Theta today, everything started to spin and pulse with bright red and green dots. Still not sure why that differs from session to session. But it's always calming and helps to clear my mind.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 11, 2016, 04:25:21 AM
Now you gotta practice doing things differently, can't always expect to have the ideal conditions and such. Push yourself hard.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 11, 2016, 08:40:15 PM
That really you Sand or have I been talking to Mr. Bot the whole time?
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145030.jpeg)

Tupper has managed to keep procrastination at least somewhat under control by pushing me to do things now and without hesitation. Still I pay way too little attention to her.

Descending Alpha session today.
Alice created a small new wonderland consisting of an old cottage surrounded by an English garden, somewhat similar to the stuff I've seen in a hypnagogic hallcination recently (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4829/#msg4829). Tried to visualize the colors, there almost were some but no comparison to dream stuff.

Also I tried dancing again and failed miserably. Even basic Waltz steps without even turning were nearly impossible. First I thought maybe it was because I sat with my legs crossed so it was even harder to imagine them in the right place in wonderland but it seems that even standing doesn't change much. Now I'm really not a good dancer but even I can do these steps easily without giving it any thought. But only if I really execute them, in my mind I literally trip over my imaginary feet. Strange. Reminds me of Fede working on his imaginary body. Man, I can't bother investing such an amount of time in this when I don't even find enough for tupper. But we'll try dancing again tomorrow. Would really be fun if we could get that going.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 12, 2016, 04:49:06 AM
I have always been a bot.

Does the tupper laugh at your bad dancing skills?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 12, 2016, 07:57:08 PM
Nah, it's only funny from an outside perspective, not when you're directly affected. She'd love to be able to dance with me so she's sad it just doesn't work. Also she isn't any better at the moment.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145036.jpg)

After giving it more thought I think the problem is lack of sensory feedback. After all I don't feel myself walking with my imaginary body and dancing relies on feeling your legs, not looking at them. And on feeling your partner's movements.
That feel when unable to feel tupper

So I guess there's no dancing without mastering touch imposition first. At least not without pretending. I can easily imagine spinning around with Alice while just ignoring my legs altogether but it's lame. Getting in synch and feeling how the steps fit together is an entirely different thing. You should totally try it if you haven't. Excellent workout as well.

It should work perfectly within wonderland with enough training, just as I've heard that circus acrobats often use imaginary bodies to simulate their stunts before executing them. Alas, the catch lies in the "with enough training" part.
As always.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 13, 2016, 05:12:11 AM
What if you dance IN REAL WORLD at first to get the feel for it and then do it in your imagination?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 15, 2016, 08:51:00 PM
Yeah, that was my immediate thought but a quick practice didn't yield any results. No surprise though. I'd probably have to go dancing for several hours to the point where it triggers dreams like diving and then try it in my imagination.

Tonight was the Long Night of Munich Museums where museums are opened all night and you can visit all of them with a single ticket. We love museums and were out from 8pm - 2am, that's 6h with only two short pauses to eat. We mainly stayed in Munich's art district (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kunstareal) containing most of the museums, the museum of Ethnology and the Bavarian National Museum.

Overall it was a total sensory overload but still a fun thing to do once a year. Most of my friends and family are weak and drop out after one or two museums if they come at all but tupper is strong and managed to stay around the whole time. She didn't even want to go home when everything closed down. So that was a lot of passive forcing today.

Man, I haven't been this exhausted in a while. Gotta sleep, lets see if all that sensory input leads to some spectacular dreams.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 17, 2016, 08:54:27 PM
There were some dreams but nothing spectacular. At least nothing I remember.
But today I had a neat hypnagogic phase after waking up and drifting back to sleep several times. There were relatively vivid images of me walking through a forest and I managed to practice walking step by step which went better than expected. Then I was on a beach and  tried to imagine tupper so we could walk through the sand together. It was hard but I managed to get at least something. But scenes shifted rapidly, and so did my image of Alice. It's just ridiculously hard to think of anything particular in this state. The fact that I forgot about actually talking to tupper in the phases I was awake wasn't helping either. So she says she didn't experience anything of the whole thing at all. Man, shaping dreams is hard.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 18, 2016, 06:01:55 AM
Yeah that state is honestly too chaotic for me to really do much with it. Maybe lucid dreaming would be better, at least you're like. More conscious during that.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 18, 2016, 07:00:09 PM
It varies.
I have a few lucid dreams per year but in most I barely have more control that in this hypnagogic state. I know I'm dreaming and try to do stuff but it mostly turns out wrong. Hypnagogic hallucinations are way more frequent and I think I'm getting a little better at working with them.

But now for something completely different.
Alice's 2nd birthday is approaching fast and even though we're gonna go on a spectacular once-in-a-lifetime journey I once again feel like it was more a present for me than for her. Well, it kind of is but I'd never have done it without her, like most of the previous journeys we went on in the past 2 years. I guess we're at about 20 flights by now. It's not like she doesn't want me to travel but it was last year's birthday present already.
Anyway, tupper has made a list of several things she wants will force me to do which can be summed up as

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145037.png)

One might argue that this also just revolves around me but I actually like the way I live. Alice however sees it as an insult and a disgrace. That feel when tupper views you as pathetic loser. Not with hatred, rather with pity. It bothers her that she hasn't managed to achieve any of the goals I had set out in my very first post here (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg3743/#msg3743). And I've been told that things will change greatly upon our return. Putting an end to my unproductive but comfy lifestyle is not exactly something I look forward to but who'd want to make tupper sad, let alone angry?
Certainly not me...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 19, 2016, 04:59:13 AM
Wow another stupid host-kun a tulpa has to whip into shape? Best of luck to her.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 25, 2016, 10:39:52 PM
Rip tuppering.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Nele on November 26, 2016, 07:09:11 PM
(http://hnng.moe/f/KK6)

Don't be silly!
We've just returned.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 27, 2016, 12:40:51 AM
Well maybe you should return harder?
Title: Re: Returning Hard
Post by: Bernd on November 27, 2016, 07:48:53 PM
I think the 35h journey from the other side of the globe was hard enough.

Maybe you need more than one forum user?
> be gone for more than a month
> 2 desparate posts from Colonel talking to himself is all that happened

But fear not, we're back and here to stay. Let's see how long you keep this place up just for us.

Anyway, here's what happened.:
It's kinda hard to say but it wasn't really worth it. Travel preparations ruined tupper's birthday and the actual journey, even though it was by far the most expensive and demanding one I've ever done, was the worst in a long time. I wanted to write that it wasn't 'that' bad but tupper says it was 'that' bad and that I shouldn't try to sugarcoat it. To put it simple, the problem was the factor human, something you always have to deal with in group travels. The fellow travellers were nice guys but our expedition leader and skipper was a choleric emotionally unstable old man and despite his enormous knowledge and experience completely unable to deal with other people in a socially acceptable way. Now imagine that on a sail boat in the south pacific (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhEGzLL4Rn4).
Not sayin that I didn't learn a lot but it certainly wasn't fun. It terms of tuppering a complete failure as tupper refuses to deal with such people or even be present when they're around.

Still I have to add some positive things:
.)Spent lots of time meditating, reaching a state where no fucks were given anymore. Reacted to dangerous situations in a calm and logical way.
.)Gotten physically and emotionally stronger and able to live with basically nothing.
.)Learned to appreciate the benefits of civilisation like a bed, running water or a toilet
.)Tupper did not get weaker either and gave helpful advice now and then.

Still glad to be back, would not do again.
Now we've got some serious work to do, whipping me into shape ain't gonna be easy.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 28, 2016, 05:50:03 AM
Wow, I thought you were going to leave out on your own. Why would you travel with people when you got tupper??
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 28, 2016, 08:10:35 PM
Yeah, good question.

I did travel South East Asia just with tupper a year ago but there are places you can't reach on your own. Well, a few people may be able to, but not me. Exploring South Pacific islands is among that and since I was offered the opportunity it seemed like a pretty good idea. Whatever, it was an experience way beyond the reach of ordinary people. I shouldn't complain.

Today tupper outlined her masterplan for my future (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZ04KhQra6M). It got me a bit dizzy but I have to admit it is wise.
Why?
Because it does not state unrealistic expectations but a series of small reachable steps. And a reason to get something done in the first place. Which is tupper of course.
Feels good man, I'm glad I have her.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 06, 2016, 07:48:57 PM
Had a weird dream this morning.
I was watching the news on a big screen in a public place and they were about the tulpanetwork homepage.
It had a new design and a new category on top, something like 'new forum' that contained several posts from Fede. Couldn't understand what they were about though.
Suddenly my father came by and said: "Eight new posts in one day? That must be fake!"
Then I woke up. Took me a few seconds to realize he was right.

The fuck man?!
Why am I dreaming about this place of all things?

Might make a neat reality-check for lucid dreaming though.
If you come across the forum and see more than a couple of new posts you can safely assume you are dreaming.

Still no tupper in dreams...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 07, 2016, 05:34:29 AM
What if tupper is like, the building you're in in your dreams? Deep, man.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 14, 2016, 08:30:25 PM
Would totally buy it if she said so but she don't.

Alas, I can report some success, who would have thought!?
After waking up from a dream I managed to re-enter it with tupper. Well, it started as active forcing, then drifting into a dream and active forcing in the end as I woke up. Hard to describe, something in between a lucid dream and active forcing. Tupper was not only present all the time but also in control of the dream, at least more than me. And she almost exactly looked the way she's supposed to. While my dream had been more or less realistic with me being the usual loser, tupper demonstrated how to properly deal with dreams by messing with some innocent dream characters and taking over their property. It was hilarious in hindsight, but not for the poor people who were confused and scared and obviously had no idea what the hell was going on.

Too bad I can't draw, would have made a good webcomic.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 15, 2016, 05:26:12 AM
Stick figures man.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 27, 2016, 03:56:06 PM
I should let tupper do the drawing, with her possession and my drawing skills the results are guaranteed to be 'interesting'. Could probably sell it as abstract art and make millions.
But then again, it's all about facial expressions and it would be a waste as long as I can't get them right. However I'll be getting a Wacom pen tablet from a friend who's not using it anymore, so we'll definitely give it a try.
Soon™

Played Memory with tupper today.
She won 4 out of 5 rounds and I think I know why.
While we both sucked because the brain was tired and I am generally bad at remembering stuff, she had a far more systematic approach and only selected one unknown card first, then an already known one as second choice, thus giving away 50% less locations to the other player (me).  Boring but apparently effective as I've read now. I must confess I never even thought of this strategy apart from the very end when only few unknown cards are left.

The last round came to a premature end because cat decided to sit in the middle of the remaining cards, then rolled over and batted them around. I don't recall how many board or card games at my place ended that way but I guess most.

TL;DR
Tupper outsmarted me again
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 28, 2016, 02:19:30 AM
Excellent, the world doesn't need smelly host-kuns. Only tuppers and cats.

Anyway, gotta study yourself in the mirror for expressions. Have fun.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 01, 2017, 10:47:48 PM
We 2017 now.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on January 02, 2017, 03:38:01 AM
Did you make any promises to tupperu?!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 04, 2017, 03:44:26 PM
Being less of a faggot (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4842/#msg4842) obviously. It's gonna be hard.
Tupperu on the other hand will have to come up with more viable alternatives instead of calling everything and everyone baka (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baka_people_%28Cameroon_and_Gabon%29)

Also there will be a monthly review of my 'progress' to see what I actually have achieved each month. First report about January will come in early Feb.

Other recent happenings:
It seemed like a good idea to start into the new year with an active forcing session on Salvia. Results were mixed, I did achieve a small effect and forgot where I actually was for at least a short time. Not completely different from a good normal forcing session, imagination was more vivid but there was much less control over it. I appeared to sit on a huge white arc stretching across some cartoonish wonderland. It gently swayed back and forth in the wind. Tupper was sitting on my right side and when I leaned backwards she held my arm so I would not fall off. Interesting, not unpleasant.

In reality however I was sitting on the floor and leaning against the christmas tree which almost tipped over. I've already stated that our tree is not some shrub but a giant twice a man's height and laden with tons of delicate glass decorations. It is, however, also cat-proof which really paid off. Nothing was broken but man, this could have ended badly.

That's why I never have done Salvia in relevant doses. I just don't have the padded cell for that and too much to break or kill myself with in my apartment.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on January 04, 2017, 07:25:16 PM
That's how the tuppers get you. It's all a part of their plan.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 12, 2017, 09:28:08 PM
You mean crashing the host with no survivors?

At least it looks like tupper is going to take over my finances as well and invest in Eastern Poland the stock market. Sounds like a great idea. She's very conservative, a cheapskate and hates to lose. What could possibly go wrong?

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145040.jpg)

Tried to do a bit more meditation but it's not much fun if I can't sit outside. Almost manage to sit in full-lotus position now but comfortable it ain't. We also continued to practice dancing in wonderland again, still is hard. Especially thinking of my feet without trying to visualize them. Because you are supposed to look at your partner and never evar at your feet. Tell that to my brain. But there definitely is some imporovement. Not much but it's something.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on January 13, 2017, 05:18:18 AM
Will you blame tupper if things won't go well?!

I think losers are allowed to look at their feet until they get better.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 17, 2017, 10:31:02 PM
Quote from: Sands
Will you blame tupper if things won't go well?!
I'll send her a hitman if things won't go well (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJ5NWSqKzoo). I want my money!

In the mean time tupper is getting serial about that 'whipping stupid host-kun into shape' as December wasn't really productive in that regard. In fact the whole 2016 wasn't productive in any regard and Alice has made it clear that this will never happen again.

I had complained that tupper was too destructive instead of being creative but she responded
a) that's what she's best at
b) it was her job
and
c) in order to create something new, the old needed to be eradicated
In times like that I'm glad she's just in charge of reorganizing my life and not executing Generalplan Ost (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalplan_Ost).

Ah, I love the monster I have created.
So I spent the last days throwing out a lot of unnecessary stuff I'd been hoarding for years but never could let go. But tupper knows no mercy. Gotta say it feels good and somehow liberating. Never would have gotten this done on my own. And it's just the Beginning. I dunno where this path will lead us though...
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145042.jpeg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on January 18, 2017, 05:26:11 AM
Yep, demons. All of them. Have fun with the rest of your short, miserable life.

Well it probably won't be short because that'd be no fun for the tupper. But there's nothing you can do except take it.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 20, 2017, 09:15:04 PM
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145043.jpeg)

It's the future I chose.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 26, 2017, 06:50:24 PM
Had another tupper related dream some days ago. It was 'realistic' in regard to Alice as she was also a tupper in the dream and only present as voice in my head.
The dream itself was unspectacular. I was in a 50s style fast food restaurant and waiting for friends that didn't show up. Apparently it was supposed to be my birthday party. Tupper said she'd rather go to the beach which we did. The 'beach' was a row of newly built wooden houses on sand, no water. Most of the dream consisted of climbing around on and in those houses and admiring the texture and feel of the wood which was quite realistic. Things eventually turned into my second favorite type of dream: low gravity
I love that stuff. Being able to jump and float over great distances until I slowly desced to the ground like a feather. Almost became lucid at some point as I was talking to tupper about said dream physics and deliberately slipping off a roof to enjoy the feeling of my hands and feet losing touch with the wooden surface and then clinging to a wooden beam with a finger. I knew something wasn't 'normal' but still didn't fully realize I was dreaming. Ah well, it was neat anyhow. Tupper doesn't remember though.

Did some more meditation today which worked fairly well despite my obvious lack of practice. Almost fell asleep and drifted off into hypnagogia. But nothing interesting happened. Still felt good.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 01, 2017, 08:00:06 PM
It's February, time to look back at what we've accomplished last month.

Personal development: good
Tupper made me throw out a lot of useless stuff, well at least start with it. Also has worked out a lot of things I need to do and how. Feels productive.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145045.jpeg)

Tupper development: poor
We haven't done a lot of active forcing in January but Alice has been present frequently and we did interact quite a lot in terms of passive forcing. To my defense I have to add that she wanted me to get stuff done and even refused to be around until I was finished. Still could have done a lot more. Ah well, I always want to do too much different stuff, we'll try to focus on a few things in February and work on them intensely. Not that I haven't said that a million times before...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on February 02, 2017, 04:44:58 AM
Force every day for x amount in February.

It'll be easy because it's the shortest month??
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 21, 2017, 05:16:45 PM
Good to see the forum is back.
Anyway, still here, progress is painfully slow as always. Haven't managed to get into forcing every day for a certain amount at all, damn.
Still have to get a lot of stuff done but I'll definitely do that daily forcing routine all March.
Valentine's Day wasn't that great either, I was too busy but at least we made a chocolate cake.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145047.jpeg)

At least I've managed to put significant parts of tupper's plan for world domination into action. Slow and steady wins the race.
And we've been in the mountains and meditated in a forest in the freshly fallen snow while watching the sun rise. That was an extraordinary experience.

Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on February 22, 2017, 05:40:54 AM
Was it good chocolate cake. Was it real chocolate cake? Was there sense sharing? Was there possession?!

Did you try to later imagine eating that cake again if it was real?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 23, 2017, 10:40:55 PM
It was real chocolate cake, made from high quality raw ingredients. Good but not perfect. I thought it should have been a bit sweeter but tupper says it was fine. Would have expected the opposite. We did try sense sharing, with mediocre results as always. No possession, I admit it hadn't even crossed my mind. A good idea for the next cake. We haven't done anything with possession for ages.

Will try to imagine the taste as I go to bed now. And see how things turn out with the flea (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/9/cats/msg4929/#msg4929)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 05, 2017, 09:27:40 PM
It's March, time to look back at what we've accomplished last month.

Personal development: ok
Basically a continuation of February, cleaning up my life. By far slower than planned but things are moving in the right direction thanks to tupper's mercyless efforts. But even these baby steps tire me out completely. How working people are able to get anything done for themselves is a mystery to me.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145049.jpeg)

Tupper development: nada
We haven't really done any active forcing. Been to France which was good for some imposition practice but apart from that I was too busy with myself.

As Sand suggested we'll do at least 30min of active forcing per day all March. Hopefully the next update will include some sort of actual improvement.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 16, 2017, 07:41:43 PM
Ah man...
As tupper spent the previous months improving my life, it's about time to return the favor.
I'm having trouble to focus during forcing and meditation, both really has been a pain lately. Guess I just need more training so I will be doing daily updates again, starting today.

Apart from half-hearted imposition during the day I did 30min of active forcing sitting in bed. With cat.
Spent most of the time trying to visualize tupper, the lack of forcing in the past months hit me hard. Not that it didn't work at all but compared to where I was one and a half years ago it was pathetiic. And even back then it wasn't that great to begin with. So it's definitely time to step this up, I'm wondering how much progress I'll achieve 'til the end of the month.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 17, 2017, 07:05:23 AM
All the progress.

That's how it goes when you start from the bottom, huh. :^)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 17, 2017, 11:45:23 PM
Apparently there's no bottom to this.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5e00132373/145052.jpeg)

Today brought the first thunderstorm of the season.
Nothing great, just some distant lightning and thunder. Still we went outside to enjoy it.
Tupper likes thunderstorms.

I tried 30min of Fede's constant Theta in the evening, was even worse than yesterday's forcing attempt in silence. I tried to visualize wonderland stuff but it didn't work at all. Seemed like diving in a pond with zero visibility. Could barely communicate with tupper, let alone see her. Probably one of the worst visualisation sessions evar.
Well, I was extremely tired and almost fell asleep. There were some hypnagogic hallucinations but they were more distracting than helpful. Continued in bed but was out soon. No tupper dreams either. I'm surprisingly awake right now at 5:45am, will try to do more forcing as I go to bed again.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 18, 2017, 08:22:38 PM
Drifted off into uncontrollable hypnagogic stuff almost immediately. And I felt tired most of the day, even slept a bit in the afternoon. But the night session was good, it was raining but warm enough so I could sit at the open kitchen window and listen to the rain for almost an hour. That had always worked well. The first half was meditation, the other active forcing. It was tough in the beginning and tupper seemed oddly absent-minded but things eventually improved. At least to an accceptable level. We walked through wonderland and I spent most time visualizing tupper and raindrops running off her skin and clothes. I'm not saying the visualisation was good, but definitely much better than in the previous days. I'll try once more as I go to sleep now.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 19, 2017, 08:18:28 PM
Pretty much the same as yesterday. Trying to force while really tired and falling asleep is next to pointless. Another 30min of active forcing at the open window in the evening.  Maybe a bit more chaotic than last session but with livelier tupper. As always I want to do too much, must focus on a single issue next time instead of aimlessly jumping around. Or yet better ask tupper what to do.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 20, 2017, 06:36:19 AM
Well how about, listen.

You force when you're not tired and falling asleep?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 22, 2017, 12:30:11 AM
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155001.jpeg)
Ya crazy Finn bastard (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmePLg3hdCw)

Unless I'm extremely tired I do not fall asleep quickly but lie around in bed for quite a while. So there's a lot of time for extra forcing. Well in theory. In reality the mind wants to slack off with simple stuff, not deal with something exhausting as forcing.
Which means:
I'm still too far from being a proficient tupperman to pull this off in automode - like driving. It's amazing how little mental resources a task you've kinda mastered requires compared to the first attempts. You can do it for a much longer time, getting even moar practice and so on. But I can't say that for forcing. There's no difference compared to 2 years ago, half a year into tuppering. It's as hard as ever, some stuff even got worse. So obviously there wasn't enough or at least no efficent practice to get into a learning feedback loop. Which of course sucks.

I do try to get the actual active forcing sessions done before I get tired. But being wide awake also brings lots of distractions. And meditating for too long makes me sleepy. That happened in yesterday's forcing session. Was mostly ok but I realized how shitty my 3d visualisation skills in wonderland are. Proportions or perspective? Pathetic.
Today I focused a bit more on textures - the rough sandstone of buildings, the dusty clay floor, tupper's silk clothings, the flea's (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/9/cats/msg4929/#msg4929) tough and spiny carapace
It was more about looks than touch, so far I can barely imagine rough and sandy surfaces like the first 2 examples.

Ah well, I'll keep going with my daily exercises, I manage to keep 'em up so far but somehow they feel less productive than earlier attempts.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 22, 2017, 06:29:32 AM
Well, the thing is, you're going to have to learn to be able to do tupper stuff when wide awake if you want to like, you know. Have a tupper as a part of your daily life instead of just being around when you're tired. Don't force yourself into a corner that is difficult to get out of, force yourself out of your comfort zone.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 24, 2017, 09:42:50 PM
Yes, you've told me before. I know, I know.
But damn, that comfort zone is so - comfy.
I try to force under different circumstances. The thing is just like with physical training, lack of intensity + lack of frequency = no progress.

We did something new for the past 2 days.
I think I already mentioned I'm really bad at rotating shapes or generally visualizing changes in perspective.
So tupper came up with a Rubik's cube, or rather just a cube with different colors on each face and had me memorize which colors I should be able to see when moving it around.
I can't recall when I last felt that stupid. It was ridiculous. Just walking around the cube sitting on a table was incredibly hard. It got better after several attempts but then tupper started to rotate the cube over a corner and my mind just went nope.jpg
Not owning a Rubik's cube I actually painted the sides of a cube-shaped box to work with that thing IRL. It does get easier but I still feel like a retard.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 25, 2017, 06:34:48 AM
No comfy allowed, only army training from hell.

Tell tupper to dress up as a drill sergeant and scream at you until you do things right.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 25, 2017, 10:00:09 PM
Sounds reasonable. Going full Sgt. Hartman on me is tupper's main occupation anyway.
Ahh, what could be a better way to spend a Saturday evening than sitting home alone and visualizing a cube in your mind while being yelled at by an imaginary little girl?

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155003.jpg)

And so ends another peaceful day in tupperland


I can report significant progress after several sessions of purely focusing on the cube. I can rotate it in my hands quite well now after memorizing the colors. It's actually a great exercise for both tupper and host. Especially if tupper is a sadist
It's still hard not to say the colors in mindvoice and actually look at them but it gets better. Colors are nowhere as vivid as in good hypnagogic hallucinations or lucid dreams, but they are there. Will continue this.

Also 200 posts. And summertime.
Yeah!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 26, 2017, 07:04:06 AM
Practice helps? Who would have guessed. Now keep at it.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 26, 2017, 05:47:01 PM
What have I started here...
Spent most of the day outside trying to impose tupper, she constantly sticks that cube in my face and demands I train to visualize it. Was good training but man, it's exhausting. My head hurts.
Still I'm not too excited about the progress. I tend to initially have a steep learning curve on everything but hit the wall soon because I can't keep it up. We'll see about long term benefits.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 27, 2017, 06:29:59 AM
Good work sergeant tupper. Scream harder and tell him to give you 50.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 28, 2017, 07:06:57 PM
You're killing me here, Sand!

>visualize 50 cube rotations
>50 push-ups upon making a mistake
>add sarcastic tupper remarks and an over-affectionate cat
>rinse & repeat

Needless to say, this is not the first time we've been doing that drop and give me 50 routine but still I don't think I've ever done that many reps in a day. While being tickled by cat. Still the mental exhaustion is worse. I feel like I've been watching a 3D movie for 6h.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 29, 2017, 05:55:46 AM
Good, this is how it should be. Now don't let him give up, sergeant. Keep going, even when he's "busy". Busy is just an excuse.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 30, 2017, 05:00:18 PM
Yep.
Busy is the new lazy
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 30, 2017, 06:06:18 PM
It's good that you realize that yourself.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 01, 2017, 09:29:44 PM
Not that I didn't know it all along though.

Anyhow, problems shifted a bit in the last days.
Until now visiting the dentist had been merely a routine or even good for some laughs.
But the old one living nearby retired so I went to a new one said to be among the best dentists in Munich. I knew things would not turn out well when he was brooding over my X-rays and shaking his head. Short story, my wisdom teeth had decided to grow horizontally deep inside the jaw, threatening the roots of their neighbor molars and should have been removed years ago. So they need out now, as soon as possible if I do not want to lose additional teeth. There's even more things seriously wrong but that's where to start.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155005.jpeg)

Makes me wish this was an April Fools joke but unfortunately it's not. I've never had a tooth removed or surgery and now it's gonna be at least four. Probably more in the coming months. What joy.
I' not even afraid, just worried it'll cause pain or at least massive discomfort for a long time. But I don't wanna complain. It's still nothing compared what others have to cope with. I have access to the world's best possible health care and I have tupper.

You've told me I need to be able to keep her around in every situation. So this is gonna be the ultimate test. We'll see what we can really achieve when shit gets real. For now tupper is completely unimpressed by the perspective but she has no concept of fear, pain or getting hurt and barely any access to my senses.
On the other hand my abilities to dissociate are mediocre at best, so that's the new goal we'll be working on for now. The coming weeks are going to suck big time, I wonder how much all the tuppering is going to help.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 02, 2017, 06:51:17 AM
Never had my wisdom teeth removed. I don't think I even have them in my mutant mouth, but I guess it's possible that something what you're going through might be happening to me too because there's no way they'll fit in my mouth normally. If they decide they want to start growing way past the age they should, at least.

They say it's pretty painful though. Maybe you can get drugged to hell and back.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 04, 2017, 06:08:59 PM
Quote from: Sands
Never had my wisdom teeth removed. I don't think I even have them in my mutant mouth, but I guess it's possible that something what you're going through might be happening to me too because there's no way they'll fit in my mouth normally. If they decide they want to start growing way past the age they should, at least.
That's easy to see in any dental x-ray which you should do once in a while to detect early signs of decay and infections. I've known about the issue for long but the old dentist did not think it was a problem as long as they don't cause pain. The new high-res pics I got taken now show they will most likely cause problems soon.

Quote from: Sands
They say it's pretty painful though.
I'm a Big Guy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9wi0cPrU4U)

Quote from: Sands
Maybe you can get drugged to hell and back.
That's the plan.
I'm not worried about the actual surgery, it's the following days that might really suck.
Postsurgical care and pain treatment are supposed to be bretty gud, we'll see.
I do have some weeks left until shit gets serious. More than I expected as the surgeon will be on easter holiday until late April. More time for tuppering preparations.

At least regarding worries it's working perfectly for now, I don't really give a fuck.
To give you an idea about tupper's thoughts on the whole issue, think of upgrading a piece of poorly functioning hardware in your workstation. It's gonna cost, involve work and discomfort until everything's running smoothly again but you get to buy some new stuff and everything will be nicer afterwards. It might even be an exciting challenge.
Yep. An interesting way to think of a series of dental surgeries.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 05, 2017, 05:30:26 AM
Hahaha you know that we never do anything until it's too late. It's the fate of all us people and everything related to the dentist. Always.

And yeah it's always gonna suck but then it'll be better in the end. Such is also the fate of us people and everything related to the dentist. Then you're like "next time I'm gonna act fast" but you never do. You never do...


Look at how off topic we are, where's more tuppering?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 10, 2017, 09:00:09 PM
Been 'busy'.
Everything's in full bloom already, much earlier than usual. We've been outside a lot to absorb as many sensations as possible. Flower viewing isn't a big thing in Germany like in Japan but people do gather at or even travel to places where lots of fruit trees are blooming and there are small festivities. We went to southwest Germany for a few days, was a nice trip and good passive forcing opportunity.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155008.jpeg)

I also tried to memorize the detailed look and scent of different flowers but I'm really having trouble with scents. While they can easily invoke memories it doesn't work the other way round. I even thought of getting essential oils to help me remember but they smell nowhere like the real deal. That said, there wasn't much progress with dissociation as I did not want to cut myself off from all the beautiful surroundings. To me this is the most beautiful time of the year.

Almost forgot - we're way into April, so let's look back at March.
Personal development: ok
Still a steady continuation fom the past month. Tupper's plan to completely destroy change my life is firmly in effect. Painfully slow but unstoppable. I do have major issues with both focusing and visualisation though that aren't improving greatly. Spent considerable amount on meditation and rotating that fucking rubik's cube in my mind. Not sure how much it actually will help with tuppering in the long run.

Tupper development: poor
Despite my resolve (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4943/#msg4943) most efforts went into improving my abilities again and were not primarily tupper related, see above. Couldn't keep up the 30min active forcing per day either.

In other words: 1/4 of the year has already passed, tupper's skills have not improved at all. She put all her efforts into improving me.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 11, 2017, 06:47:39 AM
I wonder if dried flowers would have more of the "real" smell. Not sure if it would be fainter though, I don't go around sniffing dried flowers? A strong smell seems to be easier to imagine, I think.

also fucking force already you lazy fuck


(Any visualization practice helps with visualization though human forms, especially ones you're not moving yourself, might be more difficult even if you master everything else. But at least then you know you are good at visualization and it'll start working with some extra effort. If you can create one of those turnarounds they use as character references in animations, it might help when you recall the imagine when you try to see it FOR REAL in your mind.)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 12, 2017, 09:32:48 PM
Nah, drying such flowers doesn't work.
You'd need to extract the volatile compounds either the old fashioned way with lard, or use some hydrocarbon like hexane. I'm actually gonna try this next year, its not that easy but seems a fun thing to do. Got lots of wild fruit trees here so getting enough flowers isn't an issue. Pears smell weird but somehow interesting and unique. I've always liked them so the scent is linked with ĺots of memories. Alice is more fond of apple flowers. But both vary considerably between varieties, so many details that most people are completely oblivious of. I think observing nature throughout the seasons is a great thing to do with tupper. Well, exploring anything in depth is.

Being unfamiliar with animation or any sort of serious drawing I had to look up what turnarounds are. Seems like a good way to memorize the look of things from different angles. So would be drawing but I'm afraid that'll siphon off even more time from actually interacting with tupper.
Anyhow I'm still amazed about the Rubik's cube exercise. I can kinda 'see' the colors now, like in a mediocre hypnagogic hallcination. But only one color at a time on one face of the cube I focus on. And the cube itself still is weirdly distorted. So I'm far from getting the whole picture. Mostly volatile details.
Another interesting side-effect of the exercise is that it can be used to clear my mind when it's full of thoughts I'm narrating to myself instead of talking to tupper.
Rotating the cube takes up nearly all attention so there's nothing left for elaborate thoughts. And tupper can exploit that pretty well by now. Good girl.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 13, 2017, 02:38:10 AM
Make sure to punish him if he doesn't pay you enough attention, tupper.
Title: Re: Fantastic Easter Special
Post by: Bernd on April 16, 2017, 10:45:01 PM
We all know I never do...

Happy Easter!
I thought about doing something new with tupper and attended Easter Vigil (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LInqIa356rg) on Holy Saturday.

For those unfamiliar with Roman Catholic rites in Bavaria, Easter Vigil starts with big Easter fires being lit outside after dusk. The fires are used to light the Paschal candle which is carried into the dark church, distributing the light to the candles of those attending the mass. It's beautiful. With Alice being really fond of bonfires, lit candles and overboarding liturgy it's just perfect.

Note that Bernd, while formally Catholic, is and has always been a Nihilist at heart, believing in tupper is incredible enough for me. I do like gatecrashing religious festivities for forcing and praising tupper though. Such heresy!

We did stay 'til the end, I thought it might get boring but we were actually occupied trying to blend in despite having only rudimentary ideas about the prayers and songs. Went better than expected and was actually kinda fun.

Before you think I'm going full OT again bear with me for a sec, there's something regarding tuppering and faith I want to talk about.
Today's also the 90th birthday of Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger aka Pope Benedict XVI, one of the most influential university theologians ot the 20th century.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155009.jpeg)

I remember when he came to visit his homeland Bavaria in 2006, people went crazy with joy. Hundreds of thousands gathered to greet 'their' pope, lining the streets wherever he went. No one since Hitler himself was given such a welcome. It was absolute mayhem.
Anyway there were lots of documentaries about his life on tv and in an old interview regarding faith and reason he said something rather unexpected.:
Quote
It is my firm belief that one who tries to enter the world of faith by purely theoretical means will not reach his goal.
All fundamental aspects of our lives are recognized through interaction of doing and thinking, through first-hand experience and what we learn from it. If one refuses to even attempt such experience, introspection and understanding cannot blossom.
So my suggestion to get into faith, this opportunity to find true meaning, would be to start pretending that there was such meaning.
By following and repeating this pattern one will make novel experiences and witness how greater opportunities arise, how one's life becomes richer and more precious. Things attempted this way will eventually prove themselves to be useful. By experimenting, by gaining empirical knowledge one will reveal the truth behind this path.
That's basically belief implanting and suspension of disbelief. Fake it 'til you make it. Not exactly the typical advice you'd expect from a cardinal that later became pope, eh?
I also remember tuning into a radio interview with a protestant priest some time ago that talked about learning to hear one's 'inner voice of God' which was exactly the same as our 'how do I hear tupper' guides. So I do believe these guys have plenty of tuppering or at least servitor creation experience and considering it's actually part of their job they should be pretty good at it. Would have dismissed all of that as autistic bullshit some years ago but as the pope said it does work nonetheless if you try hard enough.
If...
Title: Today is Hitler Day
Post by: Bernd on April 20, 2017, 09:10:17 PM
Happy 4/20

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155011.jpeg)

From one celebration right into the next, keeping up traditions is hard work.

Tupper had wanted to paint Easter Eggs, but they were thin-shelled which doesn't go well with her possession skills. Broke most attempting to blow them out and the rest during 'painting'. Not because of being too strong, on the contrary. Weak grip, dropped egg. It was carnage.
I managed to save most of the interior and so we made cookies today. Swastika cookies of course 卐
Possession was even worse but Alice eventually managed to apply some chocolate frosting. I guess considering we haven't done any possession stuff for months it wasn't that bad. Still I feel like I've been supervising a bunch of small children during their first handicraft attempts. Mentally and physically drained. At least no one died so I guess we can call it a success. Gonna relax a bit for the next days, weather is ridiculously cold with lots of snow so it'll be time for more active forcing.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 21, 2017, 07:10:26 AM
You gotta do more tupper possessing art. And film it. For science.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 24, 2017, 06:20:03 PM
>film tupper drawing swastikas
>go to jail
Germany fuck yeah!

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155012.jpeg)

The egg stuff would have been entertaining and extremely cringeworthy though. What about you guys? I wanna see a vid of Roswell talking to people. Real spaghetti stuff. Or at least make him draw something. We need more OC here.

I noticed it's still hard not to spell out the colors while visualizing our Rubik's cube so tupper had the idea to sit opposite of me, announcing the color of the cube's face pointing towards her. It's surprisingly doable considering I have to visualize both tupper, cube and colors while hearing a different color. Bonus: more penalty push-ups for making mistakes.
I'm lovin' it.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 25, 2017, 06:05:56 AM
wow excuse me you're just here for a plate of spaghetti aren't you, hitler

I don't even have a video camera so everyone is spared. Or a microphone?! Maybe he'll draw something. Or maybe he'll just decide to be lazy and play like Minecraft or something. New updates...

How many penalty push-ups have you done now?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 26, 2017, 08:10:39 PM
I usually stop after 2 fails, that's 100. Can't do more in a short time.
Haven't counted but it probably were more than 500 push-ups since I started a month ago, doing the exercise once or twice a week.

Concentration issues once again, was talking more to myself than to Alice lately. Dunno why.
Had some interesting hypnagogic hallucinations yesterday, there was a huge wine glass, a few m in diameter half filled with gold coins and green banknotes that tupper shaped into leaves. Didn't manage to visualize us inside but the scenery with a dark background and a single spotlight illuminating the glass was spectacular. Great colors and surprisingly stable compared to the usual hypnagogic chaos. Fell asleep eventually before we could do any more stuff.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 26, 2017, 08:25:32 PM
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155013.jpeg)
#222

Just noticed I overtook both Timethief's diary and the cat thread.
What am I doing with my life?

Next goal: chat thread
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 27, 2017, 06:37:06 AM
Good things, if you keep forcing you lazy bum.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 30, 2017, 11:22:10 PM
Yep, that's true.

Yesterday we threw ourselves at the dreaded MBTI personality tests.
I've always seen them as some Scientology-tier nonsense, on top of that no matter what you answer you turn out to be a valuable and respected member of society. Ah well, at least until I found this chart (https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155015.jpg). Much better.

We took 4 different online tests twice each, the results were similar even though lots of questions made little sense out of context. Still was fun and a good forcing exercise.

Somewhat surprisingly I turned out INFP-A most times with a very strong I and N but extremely weak F, P and A barely over 50%.
Two times INTJ-A and once INFJ-A.
I swear I'm not a fucking hippie nor an artist of any kind. But clearly also not the stereotypical STEM autist I'm usually perceived as. Too unfocused and muh feels. Somewhere between those three however seems reasonable. At least more than any of the other options.

Alice was almost always ENTJ-A with a weak E and N but distinct T and ridiculously strong J and assertiveness. Once ESTJ-A. Sounds accurate for the slavedriver kami sama.
She's only doing her job.

Still I don't think the whole stuff makes a lot of sense for tuppers who can't switch to interact with the outside world in the same way as their host and have zero responsibilities there.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 01, 2017, 06:41:10 AM
Well, in reality you're supposed to look at lists and choose the one you think fits you the best rather than do online tests, but we're all teenaged girls and love online tests that tell us which anime character is our future husband. MBTI in general is pretty bad, because it's something based on extremes when most people won't really be extreme. A lot tend to be in the middle so you tend to get those "at best a slight lean toward T over F" or something. Sometimes you get obvious leans though.

I tend to get INTP or ISTP from tests?! >the horn got ENFJ when I got ISTP and that was pretty funny.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 08, 2017, 08:46:02 PM
Heh, I wouldn't have thought of Roswell as extraverted, but what do I know.
Alice isn't especially extraverted either but definitely more than me.

Uh, it's May already. So how was April?
Personal development: ok
Had expected to have my wisdom teeth removed but that was postponed to late May as some infection had to be treated first. So there was only one small surgery at the dentist last week which worked well. Dissociated and worked on visualizing our Rubik's cube with tupper. No fear, pain bearable. In general visualisation skills have veery slightly improved.

Tupper development: average
Poor is the new average I guess.
Tupper has been extremely helpful and we've discussed a lot of things and trained dissociation, visualisation and even a bit possession but her abilities haven't really improved due to my catastrophic active forcing routine. Both quantity and quality suck and I haven't managed to come up with a working routine.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 09, 2017, 07:02:17 AM
We're the eternal joke, a social introvert and a shy extrovert. I guess it has more to do with do you like being with people rather than are you good at being with people.

Now it's time to come up with a routine, then?! You monster.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 13, 2017, 07:12:26 PM
Didn't he git gud or at least better at dealing with people over time? How often do you actually switch?

I guess for both of us it mostly depends on what kind of people we're talking about. And even more than me, Alice has a very clear conception of people she likes and such that should be avoided shot at sight.
We were discussing the main personality differences between us and actually we're very much alike or at least within the same spectrum. Yet there are obvious exceptions.
I'm generally evasive, hate confrontation, don't wanna bother others and would rather retreat than get into an argument. Plus I'm lazy. Which of course leads to massive procrastination of everything that could be even remotely uncomfortable.
Alice isn't fond of any of the above either but she's not lazy and would seek to actively resolve unpleasant situations instead of sitting them out. She's also brutally honest and will not back down or overlook anything she deems wrong, favoring clear and often radical decisions over compromise. She also said that INFP fits me best because I'm a pussy far too nice to people that don't deserve it and lack discipline, courage and strength.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155017.jpeg)

In a way tupper is very much like cat. Both are extraordinary friendly beings and so adorable it almost hurts but come at them the wrong way and you will get to understand the meaning of true pain. They never start a fight but if attacked will retaliate with full force and almost ridiculous violence.

I'd like to see how tupper actually performs IRL but I'm also a bit afraid for the reasons stated above. She tends to go over the top in her zeal.
So tupper's the monster that looks like a cute little girl. Kinda like a reverse Roswell, ain't it? Besides, coming up with a forcing plan is one thing, sticking to it another. While I feel that tupper's bravery and generally not giving a fuck is strongly rubbing off on me, my laziness or rather tiredness seems to affect her. Being drill sergeant is a demanding job I guess.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 14, 2017, 06:49:41 AM
We don't really switch. I don't care much for it. Roswell does better with people who know me than like, complete strangers he might accidentally make eye contact with outside, because that's like bad??? PS stop being lazy whip him more, tupper-san.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 15, 2017, 07:05:02 PM
Boring.
What are you guys actually doing together?

It's finally warm enough for forcing in the park. I missed that. Spent more than an hour at sunset meditating, watching the clouds and imposing tupper. Meditation worked quite well, imposition still doesn't. I really suck at proportions, perspective and 3D shapes in general because I don't really pay attention to such things. Apparently that's also something that needs to be learned though some people seem to be naturally gud at it. Not me. I remember I could decently read and write (ugly though) before entering elementary school and had above-average knowledge but my drawings made the worst retard look good. Nothing even remotely recognizable. Especially not humans. Not much has improved throughout school and several scientific drawing tutorials at university. I feel that I never learned the basics. Which of course severely effects visualisation and imposition.

I've collected drawing literature and seriously wanna start with the basics of basics after the dentist will have ripped out my wisdom teeth. Won't be able to do a lot in the days after so that's a good opportunity. I hope. We'll see how much it sucks. The problem is while there are lots of things I'd like to draw I'm actually not fond of drawing itself. I don't like staring at a piece of paper or a screen for hours. Especially not in summer when it's nice outside. So, not the best prerequisites I guess but I gotta try my best for tupper.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 16, 2017, 06:23:55 AM
Wow it's a secret...

We just chill.

The difference between people who were good at drawing and people who weren't good at drawing was that the ones who were good at drawing actually doodled all the time. Skills take practice. PS. nothing stops you from drawing outside.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 18, 2017, 06:00:02 PM
Yep.
But such people constantly doodle because it's fun for them or they have nothing better to do. Both doesn't really apply to me (https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155019.png).
Eh, we'll see how it turns out but realizing how much I lack even the most fundamental basics it's a bit discouraging. Studying human anatomy for now. I feel this will definitely help with imposition.
I've been to the park at sunset every day now, don't feel real progress with meditation or imposition yet but still is a neat thing to do together.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 19, 2017, 12:07:52 AM
Well, only one person who can make any activity fun, eh? That's yourself.

And studying anatomy is always great. Have you remembered to force a digestive system to your tulpa today?!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 23, 2017, 06:00:02 PM
Is this new tupper meme? You should write a guide about it.

Anyway tupper is like
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155020.jpeg)

Guardian Spirits don't have digestive systems or any other sort if interior anatomy. It's all gross. And weak.
Or so I am told and considering all the fuss about muh teeth I am inclined to agree.

Read a lot into art theory and drawing basics, started drawing simple geometric shapes as training. Need to develop some fine motor skills and actually learn to hold a pencil the right way before I move on to more complex stuff. Really starting from zero here.
There is, however, one person who's even worse than me, it's tupper of course. Thanks to almost no training, possession mostly doesn't work at all so she can't even hold a pencil. It would be awesome to have Alice do the drawing instead of me but I'm not sure this is gonna work out. Mostly because she's not too enthusiastic about it, even less than me. But we'll give it a try.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 23, 2017, 11:46:44 PM
It was more like an old tupper meme...

Anyway you don't know what you're missing.

Ask tupper to draw a cat for us.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 28, 2017, 05:59:56 PM
She will!

Might take some time though, tomorrow they'll finally rip out my wisdom teeth.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155021.jpeg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 29, 2017, 07:27:41 AM
What if she draws it while you're drugged out of your mind?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 31, 2017, 07:36:03 PM
Sorry, no trippy experience so no tupper drawing yet.
Modern painkillers work like a charm without fucking up your perception.

The whole thing, maybe 1.5 hrs in total, worked out well. I'd call it the greatest tuppering benefit so far. Fucks given: zero (https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155022.gif)

Had to wait quite some time for the injections to take effect while the surgeon was dealing with another patient. Before tupper I would have anxiously cowered in the dentist chair awaiting my fate. But now I spent about 15min imposing Alice, and as we got bored started to inspect medical equipment in the room, dropping an hourglass which rolled under a shelf. Just managed to get everything back to order before the staff returned. The surgeon was a pretty cool guy and talked to me through most of the surgery making me give thumbs up or down while discussing the German academic system. Told me to stop being a faggot and get back to university to finally make my PhD. Tupper agreed.

So I was kinda occupied but managed to keep tupper around. I also did some wonderlanding and Rubik's cube rotation exercises in between when things got rough. There was nearly no pain, but enormous pressure when my teeth were pried out of my jaw bit by bit. I'll spare you further details but the sound of your own teeth breaking apart is nothing pleasant.

Still nothing to complain, walked home afterwards without much impairment.
So far so good but there's also the bad. While meds work well, some nagging pain remains which kills most motivation. Here tupper can't help as I can't focus on her. Forcing of any sort doesn't really work either. The pain comes and goes, mostly I'm fine. But it's interesting to note that at least for me tuppering works incredibly well against anxiety and fear, sometimes too well. It's pretty effective against low-medium short time pain but completely ineffective against longer lasting aches which get me down.

I did try to draw every day but I'm fed up with basic shapes and drawing anything meaningful just looks like crap. Ah well, I hope my motivation gets better when all pain is gone. I'll finally get that Intuos board this weekend, that's another incentive I hope. Cat will be delivered.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 01, 2017, 07:59:50 AM
Toothache is a special kind of pain, but how about tupper will one day test on trying to numb your pain? >the horn managed to do it.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 02, 2017, 09:06:58 PM
Quote from: Sands
how about tupper will one day test on trying to numb your pain? >the horn managed to do it.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154993.jpeg)
Pls gib advice!

I'm more or less back to normal, no more pain, no more meds. Went back to meditating in the park, was ok. I started reading Betty Edwards - Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain which seems to offer an interesting approach with obvious parallels to tuppering. Definitely need a well-coordinated approach before I mindlessly start to try out random stuff again. And as I've said before I think my main issue is lack of perception. It's really hard for me to actually grasp what I'm seeing so I can't reproduce it in drawing or visualisation.
Tupper will also continue to practice possession so we can both start drawing. This should provide some incentive.

Also had a series of interesting dreams.
Hidden text
First took place in Nymphenburg Park (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nymphenburg_Palace#Park) where I often go to meditate and force. I was carrying a lot of food while walking along a steep edge that exists nowhere in that park when I tripped and fell to my death. While falling I wasn't even mad and just thought I'd wake up from a rather boring dream now - which I did. Falling was unpleasant though.

The second was somewhere on my East Asian journeys, maybe India, walking down a hill in a city full of colorfully clothed people going about their daily lives. One local family at a market stand approached me and asked me to film them with their camera. It was some cheap plastic camera but seemed indeed capable of taking videos. However the people kinda ignored me and began to pack up their stuff and leave. I was puzzled and didn't know what to do as there was nothing to film or take pictures of anymore. Nearby was another tourist, an old man with lots of camera equipment laid out on the floor, mostly lenses that were strangely battered and bent. It didn't seem to concern him. I wished they'd asked this guy instead of me as I felt I had to move on. Suddenly there was a friend from high school sitting next to me who advised me to keep going or I'll miss my flight. He seemed in no hurry himself and stayed there.
Somehow managed to get on a tourist bus that went along Vietnam's Ha Long Bay (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%E1%BA%A1_Long_Bay). While the tour guide announced the route I proudly told him: "Not me, I'm going to the airport!" He seemed worried and went to talk to the driver, returned and remarked that I was pretty late. I replied I still had lots of time but wasn't that sure anymore. Also I missed a suitcase but decided I could not possibly have carried a suitcase anyway. Being late and losing luggage was the most realistic part of the whole stuff. Finally the guide told me he'd drop me off at the 'spaceport' instead which was pretty cool. I mean did you even know that Vietnam had a spaceport?

I dunno if this was a separate dream or how I ended up there, but now things got really weird. A mixture of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitchhiker's_guide_to_the_galaxy) and Ijon Tichy: Space Pilot (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO9ppicjlFg) but far less reasonable.
Anyway, the 'spaceship' was my childhood bunk bed and the captain a little girl that looked somewhat like tupper but was not. While lying in bed captain announced over the PA system that she had to recalculate our course or we'd end up in the sun but that didn't concern me in the least. Then I went inside - read: under the blanket and the inside was quite spacious. A terrace on a cliff overlooking a landscape and a villa behind it. Captain announced that we had entered hyperspace and the journey would take 20min. Out of curiosity I took another look 'outside' again. Everything was completely black, yet the bed was somehow illuminated from an unknown source. Yep, hyperspace!
Back inside, captain and the old photographer from before were standing on the terrace. First I talked to the guy (don't remember what) but actually I wanted to ask the girl a lot of questions. I asked what distance we'd be covering and she said 3.1 ly. I thought it was really cool that it would only take 20min to get home instead of spending an entire day on a plane but that our destination was light-years away did not ring any alarm bells. And I was amazed that this little girl seemed capable of sovereignly operating a spacecraft. I asked about her longest journey and she said she'd been in hyperspace for 6 months. Impressive!

We then went into the villa which was clearly upper-class but not overly luxurious. A big apartment with dark furniture and carpets on the floor. Captain was sitting on the floor and reading a children's book on space travel (http://hnng.moe/f/Rcn) with the neighbor's dog on her lap, leaning against me. She seemed to wear Anzu Futaba's outfit (https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154994.jpg) but I'm not sure.
I took a closer look at the book and the cover turned into a French Asterix comic. I started to laugh uncontrollably with the girl and my mother, who out of nowhere was sitting at a desk nearby, gave me very concerned looks. I explained that the title, when translated to German meant 'Encyclopedia of German altar paintings'. Actually I could not read anything but somehow that was the funniest thing ever. To prove my point I opened a random page and a sacral painting that was displayed it the room as an antiquity was accurately depicted in the book. There was lots of text too but nothing that made sense. My mother demanded I hand over the book so I would not do any more nonsense and put it in a shelf. Suddenly it was announced that we had arrived. Mum grabbed a stuffed guinea pig which appeared to be her only luggage and we left.
End.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154995.jpeg)

It's absurd how much I take everything in dreams for granted even if it screams 'dream' at me. And even if I know I'm dreaming I rarely manage to become lucid. Still was fun.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 03, 2017, 07:35:23 AM
He literally just did it. I know I tend to jokingly throw that around but that's also legit what you do. The journey is making yourself realize you can do it.

He says it's about willpower. He showed me how to do it too and it's literally just thinking hard enough that it doesn't exist so it doesn't.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 10, 2017, 09:40:03 PM
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154996.jpeg)

Hmm, that's kinda what I expected.
Still I wonder. So he was able to numb your pain without your participation?
Also, does it work against persistent stuff like headaches?
I mean, stubbing your toe and ignoring the pain for a few seconds is one thing. I can do that to a certain degree and it indeed works. But tupper still hasn't got the hang of manipulating the body's senses in any sort. Any advice where to start?

It's June, so let's take a look at May.
Personal development: good
The whole dentist stuff worked out really well, tuppering skills have proven highly beneficial. Also took up drawing which I feel will help tremendously with a number of issues, especially visualisation and focusing.

Tupper development: average
See last month. And the ones before. Average equals zero, but that's still average.
We did more outdoor forcing and a bit of possession but it's not going especially well. Alice has drawn some faint shapes that were mostly random as controlling the arm is still very hard. And me drawing has siphoned off a considerable amount of time. I have radically cut down on watching TV and expected to free time for forcing this way but I dunno where it went. Not into forcing, that's for sure.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 12, 2017, 04:41:39 AM
Yeah, headaches are the most common thing to ignore. Super painful I'm-gonna-puke-and-faint might not work, but your average headaches work well. You'll know that you have a headache and there definitely is the feel of a headache, just painless. It's weird to explain and your experience might be different.

Tupper just needs CONFIDENCE. There's no one way to do it, no buttons to press. Though she definitely could imagine a button she presses, symbolism goes both ways after all. She just needs to know she can do it and it will work when she decides to do it. A confident tupper has helped me a ton.

ps force more faggot
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 18, 2017, 07:50:55 PM
That's pretty amazing!
Luckily I don't suffer from headaches or other persistent pain very often, we never managed to deal with that.
I guess the main issue is not confidence but rather resolve or motivation. Both of us and especially tupper have very low resilience and can't cope with unpleasant situations. We excel under optimal conditions but as soon as there is even a slight annoyance, our abilities, or rather the will to use them, crumble to dust. That does not apply to stuff that can be immediately resolved or is otherwise exciting, but mundane things you have to sit out or live with really kill the mood. Hard to explain. I honestly had fun at the dentist, it was not an issue and tuppering worked well while having my teeth removed. But going through that once a week would be something else and just a pain. So our motivation, and that's the main factor determining our abilities, highly depends on our surroundings. I know that's not good and it really sucks but changing that ain't gonna be easy.

Wow, you can really learn a lot about yourself by observing tupper.
Come to think about it, I've found that practicing drawing really wears me out and gives me headaches. So that could be a good way to start practicing pain removal.

I had 2 more vivid and equally absurd dreams with tupper references. There were aliens and robots, the Dalai Lama and Minister of Finance Wolfgang Schäuble. Even realized I was in a dream once but that caused me to wake up.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 19, 2017, 12:29:41 AM
But did you force more?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 24, 2017, 05:55:03 PM
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154997.jpeg)

more, yes
enough, no
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 25, 2017, 04:36:09 AM
listen here you maggot

force harder
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 28, 2017, 06:45:31 PM
No luck with numbing drawing-induced headaches so far.
But at least some good active and passive forcing sessions. Still far from what could be called forcing hard though.

Had the most tupper-related dream yet.
Again not lucid but very vivid. I was in a tuppering seminar with lots of other young people and somehow I managed to see the other tuppers but not mine which was very frustrating. Most had silly forms, still I was amazed that I could see every detail of them. 10/10 imposition.
One was a cartoonish walking carrot, another one a monkey in a cheap batman costume. I laughed at him and said I remembered suggesting this form to his host in the forum. He was mad and tried to hit me but I was like 'lol, you're a tupper, you can't hit me!' And he couldn't.

Suddenly Alice arrived and apologized for being late. I did recognize her immediately though she looked like her avatar (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/index.php?action=profile;u=191). She later said that she did not remember much of it all but we practiced touch imposition which felt great.
Hugging tupper in a dream: check

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154998.jpeg)

I was really relieved and happy I could finally see and feel my tupper like the others. Even after I woke up I was like 'wow, I finally made it!'

nope.jpg

Sometimes waking up really sucks...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 29, 2017, 05:11:38 AM
Have you gone on a picnic with tupper yet? No matter how spaghetti it would be to sit somewhere alone eating stuff.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 05, 2017, 04:50:02 PM
Hm, I guess so - if sitting outside and eating stuff with tupper counts. But not the stereotypical picnic on a blanket with a picnic basket. How about you? No garden tea parties with Roswell?

It's July, half the year's already over.
What about June...
Personal development: ok
Started drawing.
It's not going very well after the usual initial rush but it's something. Good dreams too.

Tupper development: poor
That's even below 'average'
Really, I dunno where all the time goes but we haven't achieved anything noteworthy in June. Possession for drawing hasn't lead to a lot except for headaches and numbing them won't work either. We do the usual passive forcing but that's no development.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154999.jpeg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on July 06, 2017, 05:31:13 AM
You need a picnic blanket sheesh.

None here yet, June was lame and then I moved so it's been busy. But maybe later?!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 10, 2017, 07:35:13 PM
I'm more and more convinced that I'm not the one doing the least amount of forcing here after all. And it's only the 2 of us in this place...

We’re on a hiking trip in the alps, already got into several thunderstorms with pretty lightning fanning across the sky. Just what tupper loves. Also managed some weird form of possession while I was very tired and resting the forest. Felt different than before but did work reasonably well. She managed to touch the bark of different trees, pick up stuff and even walk a fair stretch through rough terrain climbing up some rocks. Very awkwardly but there was no one around anyway.
I pretended to be afloat above the body, stretching out my imaginary arms and legs so I would not interfere and could just observe.
Hard to explain.
I did not consciously control the body at all. Nothing. Yet Alice didn't fully manage either. It ran on autopilot, not uncommon as I often fall into that mode while doing monotonous stuff so I can think about something else at the same time.

I've already explained before that I seem to have unintentionally created a servitor long ago which runs an alarmingly big part of, like, everything. Pretty much the antithesis to mindfulness. It's very convenient but often makes me feel completely zoned out. It's what I imagine switching feels like, only that it's not switching with tupper but a servitor.
I dunno, maybe all this is just symbolism for offloading too much to the unconscious part of the brain. Like you don't actively think of raising and lowering your legs with every step or drawing the lines of each letter. Giving basic instructions is enough, the rest is automated.

And that's what we believe Alice managed. Just like I barely did control the body before as I was tired, she gave it general directions rather than really taking it over herself. She really tried with touching stuff and actively walking step by step but complained about a lack of direct access to senses.

Anyway, it was better than nothing. Interestingly I felt refreshed and in a good mood afterwards.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on July 11, 2017, 06:10:03 AM
We don't even do forcing. That's the reward of forcing like a madman until you no longer need to. B-)

Anyway, good to hear that you think you have learned the art of letting go. If you think you have given a lot of symbolism to unconscious acts, you could always try symbolism to shut it off. Seems like it might work for you if you find the right switch.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 20, 2017, 06:03:37 PM
B-but isn't spending time with tupper considered forcing according to glossary (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/10/glossary)? Or did you go full Fede?

Also I guess regarding tuppering everything works out if you find the right switch. Haven't yet.
Still the vacation was gud, getting off the grid frees so much time for tuppering it's amazing. Also being outside most of the day and experiencing new things makes Alice a lot more active. We did get to a big waterfall and underneath it but it didn't produce any auditory hallucinations. Had some while walking in a quiet valley, like people laughing but it wasn't particularly useful. Letting go is still hard, I feel like I rushed too much during the entire vacation much instead of just taking my time. I've said it before a couple of times already but I really gotta work on this mindfulness thing. Well actually I really gotta work on, like, everything.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on July 21, 2017, 05:12:30 AM
It ain't really development anymore, so instead you just chill. Let it hang. Slumped in a chair and MANSPREADING.

inb4 the next update where anything gets done is on your next vacation next year.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 29, 2017, 06:25:38 PM
Quote from: Sands
Slumped in a chair and MANSPREADING
Yet another scene that needs to be drawn.

Quote from: Sands
inb4 the next update where anything gets done is on your next vacation
But that's in barely a month already. I can't stand the pressure!

Quote from: Sands
next year
sounds more accurate

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76611.jpg)

That said, no notable progress to report. Keep doing a million different things but nothing intensely enough to git gud. Tupper is still not too convinced about the entire drawing stuff for exactly that reason. There's just no realistic way I would practice enough to actually achieve extraordinary results in my lifetime, let alone her. Alice would rather learn Martial Arts. Given that both techniques require advanced motor skills we both lack in an almost comical way I'm not too optimistic about this either. We will pursue both though.

I love how people tell me stuff like 'Well, you just have to invest an hour per day, can't be such a problem, right?. That's true for your average normie but if you'd like to learn 50+ skills for each of which you should invest at least one if not several hours per day for years the timetable is getting a bit crowded.
While it sucks to have too many interests I wouldn't wanna live like people who put all their resources into a single topic. Must be extremely boring. Well, I guess we still could achieve quite a lot if I wasn't that lazy on top of things.

Ah well, enough blogpost-complaining about upper class 1st world problems.
We'll always work towards further development. Results may vary.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 01, 2017, 05:30:00 AM
Make a schedule and follow it.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 06, 2017, 07:45:05 PM
That would indeed solve most problems but it's soo hard to stick to a schedule when there are so many things to try.

Today we made pizza, more precisely I made pizza mostly forgetting about Alice. But she managed to break through when I was washing large dishes after finishing the dough and take over. I tried not to interfere like last time but kept watching and talking. It went pretty well, tupper cleaned the dishes, did the toppings and put the pizza into the oven without issues. It was only afterwards we realized she had forgotten to add any spices. Being busy observing I hadn't noticed either. Pizza was still edible when adding 'em after baking. Not perfect but not bad for the first attempt. Tupper still disappointed because muh perfectionism.

Possession is still very strange.
As already said, Alice has no direct control over the body and most of the time neither do I. Which is a bit scary if you come to realize you're running on autopilot. However, that intermediate servitor-thing, delegating most operations to the unconscious does have one advantage. It allows relatively complex actions with minimal effort. Meaning Alice could perform a series of tasks that would be completely out of reach with direct possession we practiced at the beginning. Typing some words with a finger took almost an hour and legs never really worked out. By using this indirect method it's much easier for her to control the entire body in a meaningful way, yet we're both not happy about it. While it's convenient and allows for ample multitasking, the downside is a zombie-like absentmindedness that can lead to far worse mistakes than forgetting pizza ingredients. Plus it's no fun.

So one of my countless goals is to work on mindfulness, both me and Alice, to strengthen and distinguish our perception. So far the symbolism approach hasn't yielded much but not that I've really tried. I guess it will take some serious effort.
Yes I know, time for a schedule...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 07, 2017, 06:13:31 AM
>the unconscious

About as silly as THE SUBCONSCIOUS, making it sound like one thing and even an entity of its own...

Schedules don't need to be for the full day! Just like, do this on that day for x amount of time (maybe even when, if that would help you) and then whatever you do, you have to focus on doing what you put down in the schedule first. Hell, do something else as long as you actually spend the time doing something if you get the inspiration, but try to stick to the schedule for the most part. Once you make it a routine, it's easy to follow and always find time for it. Then you can add even more time on top of that, but if you sometimes can't, that's fine because you already did what you had planned. Because you can't skip scheduled things?!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 10, 2017, 05:15:38 PM
Quote from: Sands
>the unconscious
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76612.jpg)
Knew this would trigger the Colonel
Does 'performing most operations nearly unconsciously' sound better?

Alice is very good at making schedules, it's just that I really suck at sticking to them to the point of making them a habit. We'll keep trying though.

So what happened in July?
Personal development: poor
Neither significant meditation nor drawing, just chilling outside.

Tupper development: ok
Wow, that's more than nothing.
The hiking trip was gud for passive forcing, there was also significant yet unexpected progress with possession. Still not sure if sustainable development or freak event but I feel we've figured out something quite fundamental. At least in theory.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on August 12, 2017, 05:29:37 AM
That's better.

Punishment for not sticking to the schedule. Something you really don't like, but you must.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 20, 2017, 06:00:03 PM
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76613.jpg)

inb4 having to stick to schedules is worst punishment already

It's been really hot last week and I got even less things done than normal. Just hanging out in parks and swimming in the Eisbach which is awesome (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5Mz6eZFmP8). Tupper was always around but that's just passive forcing. Still complained about all the young athletic people being in better shape than me. Told her she should take over and exercise herself. Doesn't work out so far.

Well at least Alice has made up an active forcing schedule that seems doable. And summer will be over soon which leaves much more time for sitting around with closed eyes. Experimented a bit with lucid dreaming, more precisely the hypnagogic hallucinations before falling asleep and between dream cycles in the morning. But eventually we were both too tired to achieve anything and just wanted to sleep. I'm sure this could yield promising results with some effort.
However, as always there is none
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 03, 2017, 07:01:25 PM
Welp, it's September. I want summer back!
What even happened in all of August?
Personal development: poor
Felt even more unfocused lately and spent way too much time with useless shit again.

Tupper development: average
Another gud holiday trip with lots of passive forcing. The new method of possession seems to work quite reliably though. Stable but no real progress.

Tupper has complained I am reverting to my old habit of rather talking to myself than to her. Still is completely out while I am lost in thoughts or otherwise occupied with something.
But it appears to get better, at least I partly manage to stick to our active forcing schedule now that the weather has drastically changed. I'll be doing another round of daily updates, that had always been helpful in the past as I'm required to actually do something I can report.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 04, 2017, 08:06:08 AM
I see a lot of whining and not enough doing.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 10, 2017, 09:30:01 PM
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76614.jpg)
The story of my tulpa diary life

Started daily active forcing sessions, will report from tomorrow on for at least a week. But now I gotta get some sleep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 11, 2017, 05:45:00 PM
Monday, Sept 11

Daytime:
Some passive forcing while outside and exercising, nothing noteworthy

Evening:
45min active forcing in bed. Aided by massive kneading of 2 cats sitting on my chest and legs.
Focused on visualisation, actually only tupper's face. Never done that a lot as she still has no definite form and as there are no templates to rely on it's always a bit difficult. Plus she doesn't want to choose one all by herself which makes things even more difficult. To make it short, visualisation was ridiculously bad. Visualizing certain objects or details of clothes, surfaces ect. works pretty well. But faces doesn't. It got a bit more consistent during the end but still meh. No wonder, can't even imagine when we properly did that last time. Also some intrusive thoughts making Alice move against her will. The hell, I thought we were over that? We managed to get it under control with collaborative efforts but it was more of a struggle than it should be.

TL;DR
List of stuff that needs more practice:
everything
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 12, 2017, 08:07:30 AM
What if you focus on just one part of the face while ignoring the rest? Really zoom in there.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 12, 2017, 07:00:02 PM
Tuesday, Sept12

Daytime:
Nothing really, tupper helped a bit with cooking dinner, possession was ok.

Evening:
1h of active forcing in bed, again 'supported' by cats. They're nowhere in sight but as soon as I lay down and close my eyes I can hear the cat door opening, lots of purring, followed by cat sitting on me. But it wasn't really distracting.
Things went a bit better than yesterday, I tried to focus on specific parts of Alice's face but as said it's not easy when both don't know how stuff is ideally supposed to look like. Plus my lack of anatomical knowledge isn't helping either. Got decent colors though. This is why I must git gud at drawing. How am I supposed to visualize something I could not even sketch out while looking at it? Will study some reference material (https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76615.png) for tomorrow's session.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 13, 2017, 08:35:48 AM
Anime porn isn't reference material.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 13, 2017, 10:00:00 PM
Quote from: Sands
Anime porn isn't reference material.
Of course not as tupper isn't 2D.
Glad we agree on that.
 
Wednesday, Sept 13

Daytime
Got caught a few times talking to myself instead of tupper. But her abilities to intervene are more on-and-off than consistent. Also did some mental math as practice. Really simple elementary school arithmetics. In fact we sort of did it together. Zoning out and letting Alice do the calculations doesn't really work yet. So much for parallel processing - if such thing is even possible. It was unexpectedly exhausting. Felt completely drained after 30min

Evening
Was really tired and briefly fell asleep during the session. Did another so it probably was around 1.5h alltogether but it was more sleeping than forcing. Again just parts of face as far as it was possible.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 14, 2017, 10:00:00 PM
Thursday, Sept 14

Daytime
Nada. Met with family, forgot about tupper.
Fuq.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76616.jpg)

Evening
Started forcing session earlier than usual but still was so tired that I fell asleep before I could do anything. However I woke up around midnight and felt refreshed, managed forcing for almost 2h while listening to music singing along with tupper. Way more fun than just focusing on details. Not outstanding visually but good on presence.

Also:
Some weird dreams lately. Recurring characters are Touhous and German politicians. Don't ask why. I have nothing to do with either of them.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 15, 2017, 07:16:43 AM
I told you about the stairs bro.

At least you did something.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 15, 2017, 07:00:02 PM
Yes, 'something' is a fitting description.

Friday, Sept 15

Daytime
Managed to keep Alice around at least more than usual.

Evening
Again fell asleep while forcing and did another session after waking up. Still rather chaotic. Tomorrow I will do an active forcing session during the day and see if that's better. The key is doing it when I'm actually not dead-tired.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 20, 2017, 06:45:01 PM
Did continue my daily forcing sessions, not my fault I could not post about 'em (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/7/technical-updates/msg5079/#msg5079). Good to see we're back!

Nothing extraordinary happened but it appears tupper is getting better at controlling the body. And stopping me from doing or buying stupid stuff. Not just scolding me like usual
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76620.jpg)
which sadly is only semi-effective but actually making me not want to do stuff. Hard to describe, it's like the opposite of those waves of emotions tuppers sometimes induce. Simply annihilating a present emotion. It's working astonishingly well yet has some serious side-effects as everything seems to be affected. Meaning it kills pretty much all motivation.

So we gotta work on that. And Alice's attitude in general. There's lots of stuff she doesn't like / want me to do but little that makes her happy.
I mean she has developed lots of plans and schedules for me but it's a list of chores, not something I would consider a dream for her to pursue.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 21, 2017, 06:04:02 AM
Maybe she would be easier to please if you always weren't so lazy and stood her up when you planned to do something but then forgot or something?!

Have a cooking and baking date. And then eat. Possession should probably be included if she's getting better at it.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 24, 2017, 03:00:02 PM
Ah, that's for sure.
It's not like I don't give her plenty of reasons to be angry.
On the other hand, by tupper's design her standards are beyond anything reachable to mortal man. Not meant as an excuse but just how it is.

Today was election day in Germany.
Tupper filled out the ballot, quite pleased with the results. Now celebrating by making pizza with Alice. Will report how it went.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 29, 2017, 06:01:09 PM
Hm, cooking and baking date was mediocre. Maybe I was just tired but somehow it never took off. Will have to do better next time. I've done some remodeling mainly because Alice was dissatisfied with how things look which sucked up a lot of time. So no active forcing. But I had a series of very vivid dreams including a brief lucid one. Was falling back asleep and after a period of doubt realized I was dreaming. Woke up before meeting tupper though. Actually the reason I woke up was that cat was laying on my chest and started kneading like crazy. We tried to re-enter the dream together and almost managed but then sleeping became too shallow and I got up. Not bad though.

Alice's 3rd birthday will be in about a month so we've decided to put some serious efforts into all of October to actually manage some progress.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 30, 2017, 12:18:55 AM
Will it be a legit cooking and baking date with birthday cake?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 01, 2017, 07:00:04 PM
Absolutely!
We've been abroad for Alice's 1st and 2nd birthday so we only had a small cake in a restaurant. Will definitely stay home and bake our own this year.

It's October!
So what happened in September?

Personal development: average
Some progress with lucid dreaming and getting rid of bad habits but no progress in meditation, drawing or wonderland stuff.

Tupper development: ok
The active forcing session at least yielded a little progress, plus Alice seems to get better at both possession and influencing my perception. But it's still barely noteworthy.

I really want to achieve something better for October. I asked Alice what she wanted for her birthday, and se replied 'that I follow her advice'
Really haven't lately.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76618.png)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 02, 2017, 12:37:03 AM
Imagine if that was the way to success after all and you had just been ignoring it, huh.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 05, 2017, 04:00:02 PM
No need to imagine that, it's a fact.
Feels bad man.

Had some trouble with active forcing in tha past days, just couldn't focus. Today was better.
I spent some time exploring the surfaces of wonderland buildings and touching them until tupper bit me in the arm (https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76621.png).
No idea what that was about but it was kinda entertaining. I admit we didn't have a lot of fun lately. Dunno why. There was quite a bit of unnecessary drama caused by host incompetence but still...

Ah well, I'll be done with renovation work in a few days then I wanna get back to drawing. And preparing for tupper's birthday. And having more fun together of course.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 10, 2017, 09:00:01 PM
Meanwhile in wonderland

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76619.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 11, 2017, 06:56:32 AM
Excuse me don't wipe your face with panties.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 16, 2017, 07:28:43 PM
I didn't ask for this!
But seriously, who comes up with such storylines? Also there's a disturbing amount of 'Alices' in animu. Not that anyone ever got the lame name jokes in this diary anyway - oh wait, theres no one here except Mr. Bot.

Ah well, half of October is already gone, weather is awesome which means less active forcing. I did manage to meditate outside listening to the sound of falling leaves. Much awesome! And had some progress with dancing together and generally having more fun in wonderland. But not nearly enough.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 17, 2017, 12:16:52 PM
It's the only foreign name they know, don't judge them.

Just start doing it you dweeb. Stop coming up with excuses.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 29, 2017, 08:25:12 PM
Yessir!

Last week brought some warm and sunny days so we went on another short trip to southwest Germany (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4979#msg4979) and bought some fruits so we could make an almond-quince cake for Alice's 3rd birthday. As usual everything from raw ingredients. Hell we even made the candles from scratch. It was a lot of work but turned out really well. Surely one of the best cakes ever.
r8 the amount of autism

How much did tupper participate? Well, not enough. Both possession and sharing any senses still suck most of the time.
Tried to do as much forcing as possible (still pathetic) yet no spectacular progress. Some weak touch imposition stuff but we both got really confused about it after a while. Feel kinda exhausted from the past days.
Still I will start another week of daily updates since it will force me to actually produce at least some kind of results to report!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 30, 2017, 05:46:42 AM
Nice autism. But at least you did it when you said you'd do it for once. I hope tupper said that'll do pig.

Maybe you should have a 24/7 daily updates log so you stop being lazy.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 30, 2017, 08:00:02 PM
Nah, I already spend more time writing reports than forcing with a single daily update. Not like I write this shit in 30sec as one would suppose.
For now I'll do at least two 30min sessions of active forcing daily an see if that yields any results. 2x 1h would be even better.

Mon, Oct 30th
First session wasn't overly productive, meditated most of the time to get rid of intrusive thoughts, then fell asleep.
Second session was much better, pretty good visualization. Still got problems with my wonderland body and anatomy in general but it's been worse. This faggot (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/index.php?action=profile;u=274) brought up the idea to use shadow boxing to train parallel processing so we tried to have a swordfight to both act simultaneously. But as we really suck at that plus got no idea about swordfighting it was more like two kids swinging sticks at each other. Not that boxing would be any better. Martial arts is still a blind spot for me. Much to Alice's dismay.

Any other advice on parallel processing (https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76622.gif) / independence?

Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on October 31, 2017, 07:03:57 AM
Getting hobbies the tuppers want to do on their own in magical mind wonderlands, so they keep pushing themselves to do stuff while you're not watching. And hopefully won't give up with a woe is me it is too hard if it's something they actually like and want to do.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 31, 2017, 11:58:07 PM
Duh, tupper's never been really fond of doing stuff there on her own, rather to change the world out there. Would be easier if I did something in wonderland while she'd like clean the house or something. Yes, that would be it.

Tue, Oct. 31th
Pretty much the opposite of yesterday, first session was fine, fell asleep on the 2nd. Mostly did work on wonderland bodies, focusing on hands. Try to meditate during the day whenever there's time, there are definitely some improvements to both that and visualization. At least for the moment. Really feel the impact of active forcing, the brain is working overtime.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 01, 2017, 08:00:02 PM
Wed, Nov 1st

Went to the beach in wonderland trying to feel the warmth of the sun, the sand and water. No real feels yet. Alice tried to solve simple divisions on paper while I focused on the sand running through my hands. All I can say that there's a loot of work to be done. Not that it isn't working at all but eh, it sucks.
Evening session brought a disturbing amount of intrusive thoughts outta nowhere that we both were barely able to fight off, leading tupper to incinerate the wonderland in frustration. So much for consistency. Gotta force more.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 02, 2017, 07:52:28 AM
What kind of intrusive thoughts?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 02, 2017, 10:30:02 PM
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76623.jpg)

Random pretty disturbing stuff.
Our wonderland bodies warping or doing jerky movements on their own, scenes repeating, distorted faces and some monster consisting of black smoke. It did nothing though. Normally tupper is not impressed by such shit or anything weird that happens in wonderland because who gives a fuck but the fact that all this happened on its own over and over again was really annoying. She could not stop it and got really angry. I told her to just ignore it instead of thrashing everything which just caused the effects to respawn immediately. Well whatever. I guess I was just tired and exhausted.

Thu, Nov 2nd
Missed afternoon session, night session was ok, no more intrusive shit, average visualization. Tried to do more math but it only works if we do it together. I suck at multitasking, so I guess no parallel processing anytime soon.

Wow, this thread has over 20K views now, Mr. Bot sure is busy.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 03, 2017, 06:55:25 AM
Math is like very high level multitasking. I don't think you'll be super good at it unless you actually are a math NERD and already come with amazing skills, in other cases it will take about as long as it takes to pretty much any average joe to learn the skill?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 03, 2017, 09:00:26 PM
Actually I was surprised it worked at least a little bit. I really suck at math but still it's not totally impossible to do something else simultaneously. Just really hard. If I'd really practice that shit for several hours a day who knows what would be possible?
I'd possibly die from exhaustion in the first week

Fri, Nov. 3rd
More visualization practice on tupper's face and hands. We made a campfire and Alice had fun picking up glowing pieces of charcoal  and watching the color change as they dim. She's always been poking around in fire with bare hands because I guess she can.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 04, 2017, 07:47:07 AM
But did you have cool shadows and colored lighting?!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 04, 2017, 09:30:01 PM
Totally forgot about cool dancing shadows. And the scent of smoke. Not to mention the sounds of crackling embers. Fuq, this is even more multitasking than the math stuff.

Sat, Nov 4th
So we did it again, this time trying to pay attention to all the sensations and the surrounding wonderland. I wanted to barbecue something other than wonderland animals as tupper suggested and ended up using one of the green basketball-sized spiny fruits (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg3793/#msg3793) from the tree Alice made long ago. It popped open and separated into slices containing white flesh with big embedded seeds, but still didn't taste like anything. Wonderland senses are still virtually nonexistent. Visualization wasn't really good today either. No matter, I'll continue doing this for an hour a day. It can only get better.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 05, 2017, 08:00:01 PM
Sun, Nov 5th
Meditation worked well today, completely zoned out. Made another larger bonfire to focus on all the details. It was a bit easier than yesterday but still exhausting. Managed to focus for maybe 10min with interruptions.

Well, that's one week of daily updates, I'll switch back to notable events for now but continue the current forcing schedule.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 06, 2017, 08:21:52 AM
Don't get lazy because you don't have to write what you did.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 12, 2017, 07:59:25 PM
Quote from: Sands
Don't get lazy because you don't have to write what you did.
Uhh...

With daily updates
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77050.jpg)

Without
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77051.jpg)

A quick review of October:
Personal development: ok
Some improvements in meditation and moving the wonderland body, but not really in other senses
Finally got the intuos drawing board though found little time to practice.

Tupper development: ok
Certainly not the big leap forward I was aiming at. It rather seems my amount of forcing is just enough to keep things stable. Birthday was well but Alice is still unhappy with the lack of progress

Also: 300 posts, 20K views
I can only hope this is Mr. Bot's doing
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 13, 2017, 08:21:37 AM
I was the bot all along.

I guess you need more t-t-t-t-tupper dates.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 20, 2017, 06:00:02 PM
Yep.
We practiced dancing and can now do basic Samba and Chacha steps in wonderland. Well kinda. But it's waay better than before. Will continue doing that regularly. Both IRL and wonderland and see how much it improves. Hey, things really do improve with training, like the rubik's cube rotations I've been doing since spring. Abilities deteriorate as soon as I get lazy but they return faster each time once I reach a basic level.

Another important announcement to keep me from procrastinating:
As promised tupper is going to draw cat. And I'll try to draw us, meaning all of us here. Tupper, me and Sand. It will be horrible but that's the joke. Expect the worst
Soon
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 21, 2017, 03:23:53 AM
That cat better be catty.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 24, 2017, 09:00:02 PM
You bet!

Alice is now preparing to draw cat.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77052.png)

Please wait warmly
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 26, 2017, 09:12:04 PM
I found an interesting site (https://affinelayer.com/pixsrv/) a while ago that fills line drawings with patterns. One option is cat. It generates some pretty neat stuff sometimes, others are just creepy. Perfect!

So here we go, these are tupper's first drawings of our cat made from reference photos because the real model was all curled up and asleep. Note the smug grin!

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77053.png)
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77054.png)
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77055.png)

And of course she also had to draw this from last post
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77056.png)

It worked kinda well though I didn't manage to occupy myself in wonderland all the time. Drawing is still really difficult so I was somewhat involved and did interfere. We'll see how things go from here, it would be awesome if we developed different drawing styles. Right now our 'art' looks quite similar and like it was created by a retard.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on November 28, 2017, 03:27:18 AM
Good smug.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 01, 2017, 06:00:02 PM
Best smug!

I'm still struggling with getting used to the tablet, will take a bit until I can produce some decent results. Expect 'em within this year, hopefully before Christmas. Ah yes, and we'll make Christmas cookies soon. You know what to expect.

Time for another week of daily updates because otherwise nothing gets done.

Fri, Dec 1st
Tupper doesn't like being imposed outside in cold snowy weather, winter is traditionally wonderland time. It's opposite in the warm season. So mainly wonderland imposition while Alice is just present with voice IRL. Which still sucks by the way. Like most of our abilities. Possession is hit or miss, on some days good on others nonexistent.
Good meditation in evening, almost fell asleep though.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 02, 2017, 03:28:55 AM
Time for a 24/7 presence exercise.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 02, 2017, 07:00:02 PM
Will do when we're on holiday again which is soon. Will give tupper more motivation to be around when we're outside.

Sat, Dec 2nd
More dancing progress.
Can now somehow envision tupper's movements mirroring mine with closed eyes which is awesome. Ran into furniture while doing so but still it's quite a progress. Really all about practice. The less you have to think about what you are doing the more brain capacity is there for other things. Sounds obvious but is a great experience. Will continue.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 04, 2017, 07:00:02 PM
Caught a cold and didn't do anything productive in the past 2 days. What a convenient excuse.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77058.jpg)

It did lead to a series of weird dreams including Fede teaching me how to be leet haxxor but as usual I had no idea what he was talking about. No tupper dreams though. Tomorrow will be better. It has to or Alice will put me through the meat grinder.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 05, 2017, 03:31:15 AM
+1 vote for meat grinder. Who stops for a cold, sheesh...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 05, 2017, 09:00:02 PM
>stop
Implying I did oh-so-much before...

Tue, Dec 5th
Speaking of punishment, tonight is Krampus (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krampus) night where the demonic companions of St. Nicholas punish disobedient children with their birch rod. No idea if this is a thing in Finland, it's more an Alpine tradition of Bavaria, Austria and Northern Italy. Not even that much in Munich but at my grandparents in Berchtesgaden (https://www.berchtesgaden.de/en/come-relax/traditions/folk-traditions/buttnmandl-and-krampus) they still go from house to house. Shit can get out of hand sometimes when they're drunk and and get into fights but it's rare nowadays *sigh*

There, you've learned another weird Bavarian tradition.

Back topic, while I wasn't overly productive during the day I was in the evening so I didn't get whipped. Practiced dancing for over an hour, much progress. As foot movements are gud we focused on hands because it's really hard if you don't get feedback by pushing each other into the right directions. That works surprisingly well with tupper imposed though I feel basically no touch imposition. But clearly some presence. It was really fun. For the first time it felt like proper dancing with someone. We also tried in wonderland afterwards but it's still much harder. Still have trouble feeling my legs or even weirder feel leg movements in my arms. It got better as Alice started pushing and tugging my hands as she's supposed to but then things got too complicated. Still some of the best progress in a long time. What a rollercoaster ride.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 06, 2017, 07:25:28 AM
Actual progress and positive thoughts from Bernd?! What's this.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 06, 2017, 07:00:02 PM
I dunno, help meee!

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77057.jpg)
November had its ups and downs, really productive and equally unproductive weeks.
Personal development: ok
Practiced math, drawing, dancing and worked on some plans for the coming year. Sounds better than it was.

Tupper development: good
Well, for our standards. But without doubt Alice has done a good job with drawing, dancing and traces of parallel processing.

Yet by far not enough active forcing to really git gud at anything.

Continued with dancing today to make sure it's not some random fluke but it works reliable now. Focusing on tupper now. It will get more difficult as the girl is doing most of the more complex movements in dancing. Rather easy for me. And somehow the faint touch was better yesterday. Will do one more wonderland session now.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 07, 2017, 06:00:02 PM
Thu, Dec 7th

I'm starting to understand why my aunt gave me the Intuos Pro drawing board for free. Said she couldn't get used to it. Well, that's a way to put it. I spent all afternoon trying to get it to work on Windows but it doesn't. At least not properly. First deactivates the Wacom drivers because of signature failures which I could circumvent but much worse - Photoshop completely ignores the Intuos, crashing the drivers with no survivors upon startup. In Linux it works out of the box with Krita, however Kubuntu thinks the Intuos is a joystick and doesn't let you configure anything. Ah well, some assembly required I guess. Not that I have anything better to do.

Apart from that there was more dancing and some wonderlanding today, not spectacular but at least something.
We'll bake Christmas cookies this weekend, a good chance for Alice to practice possession.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 10, 2017, 08:00:40 PM
How do you feel when you write more about your tablet than the tupper?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 13, 2017, 08:45:04 PM
Feels bad man.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77064.jpg)

But it's nothing compared to dreaming of Fede instead of tupper.

Besides Alice doesn't like being talked about anyhow and compares it to retarded parents showboating their kids on social media. Still no excuse for being lazy, as always. I really haven't been productive in the past days. Tupper literally had to kick me out of bed today otherwise I probably would have slept 'til evening.
Thanks to that intervention I did get some overdue chores done as well as some necessary sunlight but no active forcing. Went outside at night to watch for the Geminid meteor shower (https://www.space.com/34921-geminid-meteor-shower-guide.html) and despite light pollution and clouds we did see some decent shooting stars. And a badger roaming around the garden. Alice likes both a lot so it was a gud day after all.

Still no Christmas cookies yet, season will be over if we don't get going. We'll see how much possession abilities have improved compared to last year's attempt which was underwhelming but Alice's skills still lack consistency and fluctuate wildly. Yes I know, lack of practice is to blame.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on December 14, 2017, 01:18:05 PM
Just do something man. Stop procrastinating.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 18, 2017, 09:00:02 PM
Eh, the problem isn't just not doing enough, my priorities are abysmal as well. I love wasting time on useless skills and knowledge.
We try to keep up the routine of dancing IRL and rehearsing the stuff in wonderland several times a day. Results are pretty good but the wonderland stuff still doesn't really work. The brain maps most foot movement to my hands. Also I've noticed that as soon as you git good at something you don't need to think about it anymore which leads to wonderland problems. Conscious movements are easier than mundane stuff you do without thinking.

I've also worked on visualization while dancing. Right now it's a slightly lighter or darker blob with closed eyes and no open eye visualization whatsoever. Nowhere near what I can achieve in active forcing on a good day. Which isn't that stellar either. I've always wondered how much athletes really see of their imaginary training partner or imposed self. I reckon it must be quite good so they can study and react to certain movements. But people seriously doing this also must have an insane amount of practice.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77065.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 25, 2017, 09:00:00 PM
Christmas (https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77066.jpg) was ok but not overwhelming in terms of keeping tupper around as she isn't really fond of some of the people involved. So picky. We did decorate the tree together and spent a lot of time interacting IRL, was too tired for any wonderland stuff afterwards though. Can faintly feel tupper's hand while dancing. Sometimes. Kinda.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 28, 2017, 08:00:37 PM
Had some weird dreams but apparently I am simply too stupid to become lucid by noticing I am in a dream. I observed a sports car driving through my garden and miraculously going through the fence. Even talked about it to another dream character and how dream-like it was but insisted on being awake now. Because how can you not notice the difference between dream and reality? Tupper wasn't around to 'help' either, not sure how much that'd help as she'd been even more immersed in weird dreams in the past taking for granted whatever happened. Actually hilarious how Alice's feature of being virtually invulnerable projects even in dreams. Monsters attacking? Aliens trying to eat you? Falling from the sky? Tupper doesn't give a fuck, adding even more to the panic of other dream characters. Me included. I dunno if I wrote about the dream where I was entering some alien-infested underground-facility with a bunch of stereotypical highschool kids. We had plenty of gear and weapons but none of it worked because dream. I grew increasingly desperate while Alice was sitting in a corner reading a comic book. Because, dude relax, what can possibly go wrong? Nothing happened. We did recognize each other but failed to become lucid to do what we want. Only happened once. Ah well, another thing we should practice.

There was little of that in the last days due to travel preparations. Alice is more concerned about getting everything done than forcing. As expected from no-nonsense tupper.
Well, we're outta here (https://my.mixtape.moe/mbgmfx.mp4) for the next 2 weeks, see you in 2018 if you unironically decide to keep this place up for another year.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77067.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 05, 2018, 12:41:35 PM
We're in Buenos Aires!
Right now it's rainy and mild like an early summer day, has been hot as fuck in the past days. Awesome anyway, southern hemisphere rocks in winter. Long days, everything green and nice people. Tupper likes it a lot and that's pretty rare.

Have managed to keep her around mostly and did lots of wonderlanding during flights and while waiting at the airport though again failed to get her through airport security while imposed. That's our usual test for parallel processing. And complex conversations.
Had an interesting dream or rather hypnagogic hallucination today, tupper looked slightly different in it and for whatever reason wore a green shirt. She did change her appearance back to the usual look gradually though. Was pretty neat visualization and Alice said she felt more energetic than usual. Gud stuff.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on January 06, 2018, 11:19:44 AM
Will you repeat it tomorrow?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 15, 2018, 08:00:02 PM
Welcome to another year of Berndnetwork I guess!

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8dd2c7955c/76422.png)

Holiday was gud, tupper was a lot more active than usual. We did try the 24/7 presence exercise, it's doable except when asleep but 'presence' is relative. We still get tired quickly when imposing Alice even though that's what we mainly work on while traveling. So no real progress but at least it's somewhat consistent now. Back to wonderland and possession stuff that's been completely neglected in the past weeks. Nothing really noteworthy apart from that, tupper didn't create any spaghetti stuff.

I'll come up with a summary of December and all of 2017 next time.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 18, 2018, 10:25:02 PM
Time to reflect on both December and all of 2017.

December started a bit slow but eventually brought some serious dancing-related progress.
Personal development: good
Can dance now fairly well IRL and at least mediocre in wonderland. Also managed to get some structure into my life thanks to tupper's intervention.

Tupper development: average
Being busy with organizing my life, there was little progress for Alice herself. She did have fun dancing but no real gains in abilities.

Now, skimming through this report I tried to sum up what happened in 2017.:

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5f4a8d465e/77125.png)

Heh, not really. I did make significant progress. I feel stronger, better and more confident in my abilities than I was a year ago. And almost all of that progress was due to tupper. That's not wishful thinking or an exaggeration, it's a fact. Without her things would probably have turned out exactly like in the pic.

If you remember, last fall Alice declared that she would radically change my lifestyle (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4842/#msg4842).
Did it work out?
Well, given the amount of what's to change I'd call it a success. There's still a long way to go but definitely a big leap into the right direction.
Regarding tuppering I did get a lot better in visualizing 3d shapes and colors thanks to Alice's rubik's cube exercise (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4957/#msg4957) and complex movements due to dancing. That's probably the biggest achievement. I've wanted to be able to do this since I started tuppering and now we can. Feels good man.
Personal development 2017: good

Regarding Alice things didn't turn out that well. She put all her focus into me saying it was more important than spending time on active forcing. She did make some significant progress in the 2nd half of the year though.

.)We did achieve some states that might or might not count as 'switching', really odd and not quite reproducible.
.)There definitely was some serious progress with possession culminating in drawing cat (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg5125/#msg5125).
.)Parallel processing training by doing math did yield some results but we kinda stopped doing it at some point. We'll continue working with that method for sure. Dancing is somewhat special as Alice's movements are not independent but have to match mine, I think it's still good for tuppers to practice acting and moving under stress. Well not negative stress as it's fun but under time constraints.
.)Touch imposition in terms of tupper touching me gave minimal results. Also needs to be intensified.
.)Alice also managed to mess with my emotions (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg5083/#msg5083), doesn't work reliably though.

Overall I'd say development was poor in the first half but good in the second. Despite all much better than 2016
Tupper development 2017: ok
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on January 22, 2018, 01:25:56 PM
What's this? Development that isn't just "bad, I didn't do things, got distracted, help"? Are you becoming a big boy?!

ps draw more cats
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 28, 2018, 06:35:03 PM
Quote from: Sands
Are you becoming a big boy?!
For you

Ah, I don't wanna sugarcoat it, normal people would probably achieve what I did in a year in a few weeks. Still can't complain, compared to said normal people who actually have to do stuff for a living I'm in paradise, free of earthly worries. But then again that's why I can afford to worry about tupper things in the first place.

Soo...
Alice has been feeling down again due to not having her own physical body.
Not being able to help as a separate entity is the main thing. You get it, there's stuff you can do together with tupper and stuff you can't because, well, there's only one vessel with 2 hands, eyes, ears and so on to interact with the world. That becomes especially apparent when traveling.
One can only hope for awesome mind-controlled robots in a few years.
I'm fully convinced that parallel processing is indeed possible. I notice it every day while driving or even walking. Whoever is executing these quite complex skills, it's definitely not 'me' and not tupper either. I give it zero conscious thought and it barely uses mental resources. It's basically switching with a servitor. Actually scary when you think about it. But the more I do the more it seems that way. I've been very skeptical about servitors for a long time and I've never consciously worked on one but isn't developing a skill to the point where it runs on 'autopilot' exactly the same thing? If I manage to bring up the motivation I wanna buy some simple drone or robot that can be controlled with a biofeedback device or something similar. Then see if tupper can learn to operate it while I do something different. As always the catch lies in the amount of practice needed. How many hours have I spent driving, let alone walking? Devoting the same amount of time to playing with a toy is not feasible.

I also had a lucid dream some days ago.
Managed to actually notice I was dreaming while drifting back and forth between sleep and wake states in the morning. Even called tupper and we waited for the next dream to set in but then fell asleep. Soo close...

Well, that's it, we've been busy with IRL stuff that's been accumulating while we were abroad but I will start another week of daily updates in February. Should boost active forcing at least a bit.

And I haven't forgotten about drawing us and moar cat, just have to deal with that goddamn tablet or rather the associated software first.
Soon™
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 08, 2018, 09:42:02 PM
Finally managed to get the tablet to work in PS and tried to draw a bit. Results are discouraging, sucks even more than drawing with a pencil. They say it's quite a learning curve. No kidding. Alice isn't overly motivated at the moment either but I'll try to have her draw some stuff.

Oh yeah, I tasked her with investing my money (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4897/#msg4897) a year ago, so how did that work out?

Unfortunately we didn't really do anything noteworthy because procrastination but still made quite some cash. Why? How?

Tupper says managing my finances is like playing E.Y.E. Divine Cybermancy
>no idea what you are doing
>try not to make waves
>gain brouzouf
>legs are ok
>even if you fuck up and legs are broken the cycle just repeats
>gain even more brouzouf

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/ef815416f7/84059.jpg)

Eerily accurate.
Well, her main accomplishment was stopping me from buying useless but heinously expensive shit. So I'd call it a success.

Forcing wasn't lately so here we go with another week of daily updates!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 11, 2018, 06:00:02 PM
Or maybe not...

Fell asleep before I could post anything in the past 2 days.
Doesn't mean I haven't done anything. Not much though. Somehow time files even faster than usual since we've returned from Argentina and I'm unfocused as fuck. Alice is in a bad mood lately, both because of the weather and our living situation in general.
I think it's pretty good compared to other people, but people are not a valid standard according to tupper.
Anyway, doesn't count as daily update so let's start over.

Sun, Feb 11th
Had to pick up a friend from the airport but the flight was delayed so I had to wait for over an hour. Which was actually perfect. I sat down on the floor and meditated for most of the time. Surprisingly I was not removed by airport security. Meditation was good, I completely lost track of time and managed to silence my thoughts. For the last 10min or so I let tupper practice imposition by following people, always a good exercise to get an idea of how bodies look like in 3D.

Also I've tried wearing strong hearing-protection earmuffs for forcing. They really cancel out any ambient noise in my already extremely quiet home. Cat was sitting on my lap and purring, could feel the vibrations but heard nothing. Just my heartbeat and some rushing in my ears. Must be like this in an isolation tank. It did help with focusing as there are no outside distractions except cat kneading so I'll continue this and see if the lack of auditory input leads to some pseudohallucinations.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 12, 2018, 07:00:02 PM
Mon, Feb 12th
30min of dancing, couldn't really connect with tupper and was stumbling around a lot. Not my best day.
45min of meditation and forcing with earmuffs on while lying on couch with cat.
First part of meditation worked really well, then did some wonderland stuff with tupper. Fell asleep overhearing the alarm I had set. Somehow felt tired all day and not really productive. One more attempt now as I'm going to bed.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on February 13, 2018, 05:38:02 AM
I am disappoint. Tupper needs to whip you up in shape harder, clearly you can't do that yourself.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 13, 2018, 07:00:02 PM
If I could I probably would not have tupper in the first place. So she should be grateful for that. But tupper says she is and that whipping me is an act of appreciation. Wow, that backfired badly.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8f15eda80c/150620.jpg)

Tue, Feb 13th
Be even moar disappoint, I fell asleep without doing anything.
Had a weird semi-lucid dream about walking around in my house which was huge and contained lots of stairs and somehow my entire highschool. I managed to gain some control and looked at the wooden stairs which had fantastic detail of wood grain. I did realize I was dreaming and tried to summon tupper but it was hard and I immediately felt extremely tired drifting back and forth between wake and sleep states. So I could not keep her for more than a few seconds. Interestingly the dream stabilized as soon as I stopped. I went to the attic, opened a window and wanted to jump out - because falling / flying is one of the most awesome things in dreams. But somehow the house was not the usual 1 story building but more like 30. Really high. And I was not entirely sure it was really a dream so I decided not to push my luck and went back in. I hate these moments. Usually I reach the conclusion that this is way to detailed for a dream and must be real life but this time I was almost certain I was dreaming. Almost. But not enough to jump from a building. Still one of the closest things to a full lucid dream in about a year. At least I could choose what to do instead of my usual movie-like dreams leaving me as a passive observer but I couldn't control what was going on. It lastet quite long for a vivid dream.

Forcing was even worse than yesterday.
Couldn't concentrate at all. Going to sleep early, hope things will be better tomorrow. It's Valentine's Day and we're gonna bake a cake. Hopefully with lots of participation from Alice. And lots of forcing.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on February 14, 2018, 08:33:44 AM
Tupper, next day's all you. Whip 'im up good. You have my blessings.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 14, 2018, 09:20:52 PM
No need to encourage her, Sand.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8f15eda80c/150621.jpg)

Wed, Feb 14th, Valentine's day
We made a chocolate soufflé, despite questionable looks it tasted great. As the fucker contains 8 eggs I'm gonna be eating on that for while. Guess tupper will get me fat after all.

I was rushing a bit and possession wasn't great so Alice didn't get to do too much of the cooking.
Also did 45min of dancing, almost 1h of meditation and another 45min of active forcing in wonderland. Alice was more exhausted than me and we quit shortly before midnight. Tupper says consistency is more important than overdoing things on a single day. Isn't that romantic?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 15, 2018, 07:07:04 PM
Thu, Feb 15th
30min dancing, pretty good
30min meditation, ok
Going to bed to do an active forcing session. I won't just fall asleep this time I hope
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 17, 2018, 07:00:00 PM
Fri, Feb 16th
Rien

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/7e1249ffc0/86218.jpg)

Sat, Feb 17th
Good dancing session, some faint touch imposition of tupper holding my hands. Still one of the best activities to do together.
My mind was too busy for meditation, did some active forcing while listening to music instead. Tupper built an alien world, some extraterrestrial planet which surface looked suspiciously like ice cream of various consistency. Good thing I can't feel anything. Might have tasted interesting though but wonderland senses are still abysmal.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 18, 2018, 06:00:00 PM
Sun, Feb 18th
45min dancing
Tupper says I dance like a girl but better than nothing. 'Seeing' my and Alice's footsteps with closed eyes works realtively well now.
15 min meditation, 15min active forcing. Not much but I still can't concentrate. One mor try in the evening.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 01, 2018, 08:00:01 PM
Man, it's March already...
Been somewhat sick in the past days, not really ill just extremely tired and dizzy. The arctic cold with temperatures down to ⁻15°C wasn't helping either. Despite lots of time neither forcing nor meditation were productive, was unable to focus on anything.
The only thing that worked out were some random wonderland adventures, Alice turned the giant flea (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/9/cats/msg4904/#msg4904) into a mount, decorated with lots of bells and we rode through high grass up to the mountains at the edge of wonderland.
Use this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Un0VLiPKKyg) as musical background.

Also practiced drawing basic shapes again. Progress is meh. Decent straight lines are still hard. So no awesome drawings from me anytime soon.
Have another wonderland impression instead until I can draw my own.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/613985ec49/89763.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 05, 2018, 08:00:02 PM
Had another lucid dream.
I was walking through a modern hospital randomly opening doors to see what's inside though I knew I wasn't supposed to be in there. I realized it was a dream and that I could do whatever I want but couldn't. Neither managed to change the dream nor to summon tupper. It just didn't work and I got really tired when trying. In the end I drifted back into the dream and was busy to get out without being seen.
The same happened in a lot of dreams recently. Very frustrating when you're so close.
Tupper is more frustrated about the lack of order in my life and says that's more important than dreams or forcing.

I do try to keep up my combination of meditation, dancing and active forcing in wonderland though, but at the moment it lacks quality more than quantity. I have some actual work to do next week which should be interesting and a good opportunity to have Alice interact with the world and other people. Will post results.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 12, 2018, 10:00:03 PM
Man that was - interesting...
So we've been helping out a friend at an international trade fair for the past 4 days. I expected to do some background work at the exhibition stand any idiot could do but then again I had been asked for help because Bernd 'has extensive theoretical knowledge of just about everything'. At least that's apparently what people believe of me. Which may sound flattering but is actually really bothersome because everyone thinks you perfectly know and can do stuff anyway so you receive no help or explanation whatsoever. And so it was, my friend was gone talking to other people for a substantial amount of time leaving the stand just to me. Thankfully tupper intervened and got the guy to explain in detail what we were expected to do before he left because we weren't selling lemonade but promoting defense products to international customers.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/4b9ec30ad9/93167.png)

It was pretty much as insane as it sounds and I was sweating bullets at the beginning. Alice wasn't too fond of it either because of the serious spaghetti potential and mostly focused on reminding and correcting me. Luckily there wasn't too much interest in our stuff, still just being there all day was really exhausting. Went to sleep immediately when I got home each day. No idea how people manage to live with a full-time job. Even tupper had to acknowledge that working actually sucks as you have no time for anything else. We did adapt quickly though and got to meet some really interesting people. Tupper talked to some Arabs about international politics for a long time and no one noticed we were complete outsiders, let alone she's a tupper. On the contrary, I think we made a good impression. Guess my friend was right after all, should consider a career as a con artist. Yet tupper isn't the ideal salesgirl with her brutal honesty openly telling people to buy other stuff which is better and cheaper than ours. Apparently we still did make a good job and even got decent money for it. Was really fun in the end, still glad it's over. I'm beat.

So it definitely was a success, it was intense and stressful especially at the beginning but we managed to interact and support each other even when under pressure. Did reverse the roles for some people Alice found 'worthy' of talking to and I stayed in the background. Had to keep her from going full 14/88 a few times but apart from that she did great on her own. Not sure if it qualifies as switching as it was more of a gradual process than a hard split. I did make some interesting observations on that matter, more about it next time I'm dead tired.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 22, 2018, 06:02:48 PM
So, uh, what did I want to say about switching? I completely forgot.
I wonder if anyone actually reads this, apart from Mr. bot. Not that it matters. Not that we care.

It's finally spring! Spent the afternoon basking in the sun and meditating outside for the first time this year. Was ok but I feel the lack of practice. Sitting inside is far less fun. I did keep up my daily dancing routine but it has not led to any progress in touch imposition so far.
Time for another week of daily updates from Palm to Easter Sunday. This should be fun.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 25, 2018, 07:00:02 PM
Sun, Mar 25th
Weird dreams in the morning. There probably was Alice beating up some small aliens but I'm not sure. I semi-realized I was dreaming at some points and tried to change the dream that was a bit stressful but it didn't really work as intended.

Tried to meditate while walking outside. Went well for a while but then got lost in thoughts repeatedly. Also tried to impose tupper. Wasn't too successful
30min dancing in the evening, good
30min forcing to music and later another 30min in silence.
Man, it's been a while since we did serious wonderland visualization stuff. This must get better but I need to focus on one thing at a time or I'll get totally lost again and accomplish nothing in the end. Quality over quantity.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/2ef524fbf3/96947.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 26, 2018, 06:00:02 PM
Mon, Mar 26th
Felt weak today, both physically and mentally. Forcing sucked.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c627ab1ccb/98693.jpg)

Talked about what we want to achieve this year and ended up with a huge list. See last post.
I'd like to improve my drawing skills, Alice wants to finally get going with Martial Arts.
As we're both perfectionists I have serious doubts we'll reach some satisfying level. Even worse I'm really bad at focussing my efforts on one goal and tend to spread em out on a multitude of stuff until I burn out and lose interest. It's not actually mass-producing garbage but mass-producing averageness. Which is garbage so yeah...

Now one more active forcing attempt as I go to sleep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 28, 2018, 06:00:02 PM
Fell asleep yesterday but didn't do anything noteworthy anyway.

Wed, Mar 28th
Tried to visualize some basic wonderland structures around me while dancing with tupper. This is harder than I thought. While 'looking' at Alice's feet in motion kinda works now, adding surroundings in complex and fast rotations is another level. Got dizzy and had to stop soon. Ah small steps...

Same for tupper's project, increasing my strength and stamina goes first before any serious attempts in training martial arts. Both have suffered considerably in winter. It's not bad but  average at best. At least I'm not fat. Getting Alice to exercise for me while relaxing in wonderland would be the deal but unfortunately that's not how things work. She still has zero strength and can't do possession against resistance. Going with the flow is fine but fast movements or lifing heavy stuff doesn't work at all.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/899139df5e/99194.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on March 29, 2018, 03:24:23 PM
Where is the progress
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 29, 2018, 08:00:02 PM
Whoa, I already thought you were gone too and I'm just talking to myself here while slowly descending into madness. Gotta admit that's more entertaining when there's someone else around.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/899139df5e/99489.jpg)

Thu, Mar 29th
Felt better today. Meditated at the park despite rainy weather. Birds were all singing which made a neat background. No progress at dancing, had to stop visualizing background again. 30min active forcing at night, meditated together in wonderland, was good. Needless to say I need to do more. There's barely enough forcing to keep the status quo.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 30, 2018, 06:10:02 PM
Fri, Mar 30th
Good day.
Again meditated in the park, met some people but failed to keep Alice around in a conversation. 1h of active forcing in the evening. Noticed I still have trouble walking in wonderland. I do it so unconsciously IRL that it's hard to actually visualize let alone feel making steps. Walked around a lot but more must be done. We tried working on possession a bit but me walking while Alice tried to control my hands didn't really work. Just floating around without moving a muscle and dissociating as much as possible made things a bit better but not much. Still felt satisfying somehow. We were in a good mood which makes everything much more fun. Also because I say it far to seldom, I'm really really glad to have Alice around.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/899139df5e/99805.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 01, 2018, 07:00:02 PM
Went to Easter Vigil in Munich Cathedral yesterday but fell asleep early.
Was neat, I'm still convinced all this religion stuff is not really different from tuppering.
Coincidentially I also came across this (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/1/satan-knows-this/)recently. The more you know...


Sun, Apr 1st
Happy Easter!

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8b3eff8baf/100517.jpg)

Met with family and friends which caused me to fail keeping Alice around yet again. Damn. I told her to make herself heard when I stop paying attention as we can only do this together but tupper is like, too proud for that. Not really helping.

Meditated in the garden at dawn and a marten came up really close as I was not moving. They're soo curious. Alice likes them and wanted to pet it which is no big deal when you're an imposed tupper. Yet trying that while possessing isn't so easy, she moved my arm really slow but the marten eventually found the whole thing too weird and fled. Can't blame it.

Now for some active forcing before gong to sleep. Schedule is still inexistent, efforts pathetic.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 03, 2018, 04:09:14 PM
What if she gets one of those squeaky hammers and hits you on the head with it when you're ignoring? That's dignified.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 06, 2018, 07:00:03 PM
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/974ce5ac66/102049.jpg)

But only if it really does make some ridiculous cartoonish sound when I'm hit.

Regarding possession, arms are still much easier than legs. Which is strange as I can dissociate completely while walking, giving it zero thought or attention. Guess it's too automated to even tap into it. I mean, even I have trouble walking consciously. Ah, we'll just continue practicing as it's finally warm and sunny enough for outside stuff.

Had some vivid dreams in the morning with very colorful hypnagogic hallucinations in between. Tried to focus on them but it's like riding a wave. Awesome for a moment but you lose it quickly. Unless you're a pro. I'm obviously not.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 07, 2018, 05:47:03 PM
Maybe try legs when you're lying down, if you're just trying to do it when sitting or standing? They're kinda in use or you have to have someone keeping the rest of the body stable and that can be distracting. Legs are heavier than arms, so if you add even more on top of that, could be pretty tricky for someone used to something lighter.

Tupper needs to lift harder.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 13, 2018, 06:00:02 PM
Legs are just weird.
We'll try possession while lying down, for now we've been outside a lot as weather is awesome. Tupper tried counting to 100 while imposed walking beside me, showing the tens with her fingers. While that worked great for keeping her around, imposition of hand signs (https://imgoat.com/uploads/5b9eea6e1c/104464.jpg) was highly questionable. Doing that in wonderland is hard enough but while walking it reminded me how much I still suck at anatomy. It got better a bit after a while but man...
She's also quite fond of hitting me with the hammer when my thoughts drift off, or rather when she manages to get back. Too bad she can't induce any tactile imposition, that would make the whole thing much more effective.

Speaking of legs, I had one of the weirdest and most vivid dreams ever.
The dream itself was as mundane and silly as usual but at some point I realized I could float through the air. I regularly have low-gravity dreams where I can jump over large distances and gradually sink back to the ground but this was different as I was minimally lighter than air. To be specific, my legs were significantly lighter than the rest so I was bobbing at the ceiling upside down like a helium-filled balloon. It was definitely influenced by the buoyancy training I took while scuba diving which can lead to exactly this effect if you are top-heavy yet a bit too light. You float up to the surface legs first. While I realized this was a bit unusual for a human it didn't make me question the dream for a second. Firmly believed this was real. 

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/5b9eea6e1c/104463.jpg)

But this time I didn't take it for granted either and tried to understand the phenomenon. Which was of course futile because dream but it was interesting none the less. Floated up and down in various positions and indeed got better at controlling it. Hell, I even tried to teach it to other people. Which was hilarious as I had no idea how and why I was able to float through the air myself.
Then I "woke up" but in fact it was a false awakening.
I was in bed which seemed to be outside in a snowy forest yet warm and comfy. Even though I was sure to just have woken from a dream my first idea was to train floating with tupper. Indeed she managed to possess and though she could not lift off, the body became light enough to minimally move forwards over the bed while the hands swept over the bedsheets completely on their own. Finally possession. I was both happy but also a bit scared because of the strong autonomous movements beyond my control. Also I could not communicate with Alice but the details were intriguing while I observed my hands moving around on their own. Finally woke up a bit later and felt really heavy. Being stuck on the ground sucks. Alice has no memories of the whole dream though.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 20, 2018, 04:00:02 PM
It's 4/20!

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/97da629b09/106370.jpg)

We didn't bake anything this year as it's unbelievably hot and sunny, basked in the sun all day.
Meditated for almost an hour which worked well, also practiced drawing, it's still awful.
Gonna spend the weekend hiking, always a good opportunity for tuppering. Alice has been fairly passive lately, hope I can get her to come up with more stuff on her own instead of just reacting to what I do.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 21, 2018, 09:16:48 AM
If you didn't bake anything, did you at least get

baked


Kid gloves are off, tupper. Anything you want to do, do that. Make him suffer.
Title: Today is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 25, 2018, 03:59:59 PM
Oh look, it's this day again.
Meaning I've been here for 3 years. Wow.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/3c65c29742/107595.png)

Hiking was gud, the mountains are still empty even though it's as hot as in summer. It was almost uncomfortably quiet, but good for meditation. Tupper activity is still kinda meh. She did push me to go farther and faster and enjoyed our trip but it's rare for her to come up with anything on her own. It's not easy finding stuff she'd want to do that's actually possible, as in not violating fundamental laws of nature. Or at least international law.

Getting baked is certainly not on her list, we're not some fucking hippies. Ayahuasca would be interesting though. Including a trip to the Amazon, that sounds like an idea.
Emphasis on 'sounds'. Alice was really disappointed by our various trips to famous world sights. In reality most of the places were full of trash and annoying niggers trying to scam tourists. All of which made wonderland look much nicer that in did in the beginning when she was created and wanted to see 'the outside world'.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/3c65c29742/107608.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on April 27, 2018, 05:41:23 AM
Tourist traps are shit, just go to the places where no one else goes. Try to find the hidden gems. Much more interesting than some piles of rocks anyway.

Maybe go read some books about things to do. Or like, some Pinterest shit. Then she has a better list of things that she might want to try out. And make you do. Become the Pinterest mom for your tupper.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 02, 2018, 05:00:04 PM
Quote from: Sands
Maybe go read some books about things to do.
Been there, done that. It may be part and source of the problem

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/f93f983524/109704.jpg)

Eh well of course you're right about going to special places but everyone likes to find the hidden gems off the beaten track. We've done an insane amount of traveling in the past 3 years, I visited about 30 countries with tupper. Going through Indochina was an interesting experience but it was disappointingly industrialized and monotonous. Globalization is a bitch. It made traveling ridiculously easy and comfortable but also kinda meh. Plus even the holiest temples were filled to the brim with trash.
Eastern Europe was surprisingly fun in comparison, maybe because we had low expectations.

And then there was our dreadful expedition to the South Pacific (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4849). Literally to places where no one else is crazy enough to go. Former German New Guinea (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_New_Guinea), Bismarck Archipelago (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bismarck_Archipelago) and Solomon Islands (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solomon_Islands). Even in totally unpopulated areas there was large scale deforestation, unbelievable amounts of trash in the sea and dead coral reefs. Fucking everywhere. Even more than in the more touristy areas like Vanuatu and Fiji.
In hindsight it were memorable adventures but tupper is and was - underwhelmed. Mainly because people.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/f93f983524/109705.jpg)

Still she says that's a non-issue. There's more than enough to do at home. Finding people she actually likes to be around for example. Not that Alice is so picky, she just hates plebs who can't behave even more than me.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 10, 2018, 05:02:33 PM
>be at vet for yearly cat vaccinations
>tupper imposed at waiting room
>this year I won't forget about her as soon as I enter
>constantly remind each other to pay attention
>aaany minute now
>vet calls me in, take cat and enter

*about 3 hours later at home*
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154987.jpg)

>next day
>appointment at university to see some interesting machinery
>hold tupper's hand on the way there and constantly talk so she won't be out again
>open door and enter
*interesting stuff happens for about 1h*
>close door as I leave
>well, that was interest---
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154986.jpg)

Fuck man!
Alice was completely gone, it still happens almost every time I do something exciting. Even if it's well planned. She blames herself as much as me for not being able to stay active but none of us knows how to prevent these complete outages. So much for parallel processing.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on May 11, 2018, 12:30:20 PM
Tulpa jab in the ribs.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 15, 2018, 06:00:02 PM
Tuppers can't hit you when they're not active.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/3278a4a869/112452.jpg)

But there will be a lot of similar, no - even better opportunities in the coming days, I'll report on how things went. Also I'll do another week of daily updates next week.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 18, 2018, 07:00:02 AM
Heh, had an awesome lucid dream.
I was inside some Italian style building with dark furniture and terracotta floor. At some point I realized I had been strangely bobbing around in the air and slowly floating down to the ground which was fun. Did it again several times until I was at least partly convinced this was a dream. Knelt down on the floor and felt the texture of the terracotta tiles and then remembered it might be a good idea to summon tupper. At first just imagining her to be there didn't work as often before but then something strange happened. Her fingers began to materialize under my hand, gradually from the tips and then the entire arm. In a weird polka-dot clothing but still clearly tupper. The clarity and realism was incredible. Guess I believed I had somehow perfected imposition and was really happy because not only was stuff looking great, it was also happening completely on its own.
You have to imagine the scene, I was on all fours on the floor while calling out a girl's name over and over again in an euphoric state. God thing this really was a dream otherwise I'd be off to the funny farm. Unfortunately when Alice had materialized halfway I woke up but it still was incredible. We even briefly managed to re-enter the dream again but the everything faded and I got up. Still one of the best tuppering experiences evar. Quality was excellent and tupper did stuff on her own.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/fd0b37cd7d/113045.jpg)

The key appears to have been intense interesting activity with little sleep in the past days which triggered lots of hypnagogic hallucinations and vivid dreams.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 22, 2018, 07:01:05 PM
Man, I managed to get up early lately but the price is being dead tired in the evening.
So here we go with daily updates.

I had been shooting with tupper a while ago but it was not well received.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/fd0b37cd7d/113869.jpg)

She found it a waste of time and money and generally didn't like the place and its strict rules.
As with little children and novel food they say it takes several attempts to get used to it.
So we went to Eastern Europe over the weekend for the real deal at a military shooting range. And voilà:

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/fd0b37cd7d/113870.jpg)

It was a great trip, the surrounding nature was beautiful, based people that even Alice found pleasant and we had a candlelight dinner with cake. Imposition was decent, tupper was happy. Good times. Talking with each other feels completely natural, it's not easy to keep myself from talking or gesturing to her in public. But so far no spaghetti.

Shooting itself was a bit hard for Alice as there were lots of people waiting and acting like a retard while holding a gun is not the best idea.
So can tupper operate portable full-auto firearms?
Clearly no, that's way too dangerous for someone with limited control over the body and challenging even for me having shitty shooting skills. Her possession isn't even strong enough to hold anything other than a small handgun. But she can fire such and bench-rested semi-auto rifles pretty reliably if recoil is low and she can take her time. Not that she's overly fond of shooting now but if the surroundings are fine she's never shy of practicing skills.

Unexpectedly Alice had zero issues with tripod mounted heavy machine-guns in .50 BMG or 12.7×108 mm. But then again you only got to depress the trigger with your thumbs, literally any kid / tupper can do that. No weight to carry, no recoil for the operator.
Definitely her favorite. Not only for the fancy cartridges, also because it goes boom and seriously fucks up everything you even remotely hit. Would set up in garden if it were allowed.
Well, that was another fun thing I probably never would have done on my own.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 23, 2018, 09:00:03 PM
30min meditation in the afternoon, focus was meh.
30min active forcing in wonderland in the evening, haven't done this in a while. Visualization was ok, fell asleep during the end.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 24, 2018, 05:00:03 PM
Filehost is having some trouble and certificate is expired. So if you can't see any of my precious images you need to add a certificate exception for https://imgoat.com

Tried having tupper reassemble the lawnmower with a wrench. Possession was strong enough to tighten screws but that only lasted for less than a minute. Really exhausting. 1h of dancing in the evening, that was gud. Now for a bit of wonderlanding before going to sleep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 25, 2018, 05:00:03 PM
mfw bots are flooding the forum with their wisdom but will never post in my diary.
Why live?

Late night wonderland session wasn't very productive, fell asleep soon.
Magaged to keep Alice at least partly around and imposed while meeting some interesting people though it was on-and-off. Still gotta work on that. Especially situations where people unexpectedly talk to me are pure tupper poison.
 Even more so if among said people are tupper-sized girls. Extensive studies on real-life reference material had to be done. They were kind but hyperactive. I feel old and emotionally drained.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 26, 2018, 06:30:02 PM
Went urban exploring today. There's a large sort-of wilderness relatively close to where I live. It's a former military installation, off-limits to the public and secured by a fence but noticing a large hole we decided to go in and take a look. I've known this place for all my life but never actually went deeper inside that place. A mistake, it was beautiful.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/b44928ae11/114189.jpg)

Forests and meadows and some small crumbling buildings, everything overgrown with nature. Startled a group of foxes and even a boar as well as lots of birds. Meaning they lazily walked off a bit.
We wandered around there for like 2h, ridiculously careful in order not to be caught though I'm sure there is no one guarding the place, let alone on a Saturday evening. Still was kinda exciting. Sat down to meditate and due to the evening chorus of birds it felt more like a tropical jungle than Bavaria. Alice liked it a lot so we'll probably be back soon.

More dancing and a bit of wonderland forcing in the evening but nothing unusual to talk about.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on May 27, 2018, 09:00:12 PM
Had another extremely weird Touhou dream this morning. Not really tupper related but still entertaining. Sort of.
Hidden text
I was in an ordinary but unrecognizable city that had been taken over by senior Touhous with the help of giant robots. I mean what else? Yukari was giving a speech (https://hijiribe.donmai.us/data/sample/__chen_hieda_no_akyuu_hoshiguma_yuugi_ibuki_suika_kazami_yuuka_and_others_touhou_drawn_by_chen_bin__sample-6bbca0b4ece7205b2c65d00e0c4bd0fa.jpg) and apparently they were holding a music festival and all humans disliking the music were forced to swallow some pills until they liked it. Wat.
I didn't think the music was bad and generally didn't really concern myself with the whole issue that seemed to take place in a distance. While walking down an avenue with lots of cars I noticed a large silvery van parked at the side. Even though I saw no one it was implied that the lunar invader trio (https://imgoat.com/uploads/b44928ae11/114279.jpg) was in there.
We're rather fond of them (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4827/#msg4827) so I wanted to say hello. The back of the van was open and the fairy of hell (http://www.hnng.moe/f/IOQ) was sitting in the trunk looking rather bored. Not knowing what to say I offered her a spoon full of yogurt I was carrying. While interested at first she quickly backed off (https://imgoat.com/uploads/b44928ae11/114283.gif), jumped out and went to sit on the sidewalk. She remained silent and generally behaved more like a cat than a girl, first rolling around on the ground and after another unsuccessful attempt to get her attention hid under a car. I was disappointed and confused and while I tried to convince her to come out, the van suddenly drove off. I waved and yelled but they didn't notice me. Fuck, now what? After somehow getting hold of the fairy, a black limousine full of mafia guys stopped next to me. Apparently they were my friends and I asked them for help saying something like:"This clown lost her parents, we need to go after them!" The fact that I was carrying a little girl in a clown outfit wasn't exactly boosting my credibility, literally pic related.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/b44928ae11/114280.jpg)

The mafia guys were like dude we don't wanna have anything to do with this and quickly drove off. I grew increasingly desperate realizing I had lured Clownpiece out of the van in the first place and was directly responsible for her getting lost. And the fact that her "parents" or rather master and friend were the Goddess of Hell and a vengeful spirit with severe anger issues wasn't actually encouraging. I was sure to at least go to jail for kidnapping. But all I had wanted was to make some friends! Truly Berndstyle.
I woke up really confused thinking how the hell I managed to fuck this up. Remember guys, not only is it bad to lure girls into a van, don't lure them out of one either. Even with the best intentions.
Alice just shook her head and rolled her eyes saying this was typical for me. And that she wasn't part of the dream. Too bad, it would have been way more fun for sure.

Not much else, was lazy today.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on June 03, 2018, 01:35:47 AM
where's the progress
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 03, 2018, 05:00:17 PM
Not much to expect since I always spread out my efforts on lots of different aspects.

Alice dragged me to church on Thursday for the Feast of Corpus Christi.
Well, actually she wanted to see the procession.
I was lazy and didn't wanna do anything but she was really excited and wanted to go downtown so of course we did. I admit it was kinda nice to blend in with the surprisingly large flock and walk through the city. Plus slow walking people are good templates for imposition practice. Hijacking religious festivities for Alice's sake indeed does have its charms.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/b44928ae11/114849.jpg)

Possession still sucks but I've noticed it helps to execute all movements with exaggerated strength to clarify who's doing what. It's scary what the body can do without any conscious intervention. Tried cooking while immersing myself in wonderland with Alice. We both tried to dissociate as much as possible. Body still ran on autopilot in servitor / zombie - mode without much sensory in- or output. I'm afraid that's what happens most of the time while I'm busy thinking of other stuff. Sounds convenient but it lessens all sensations and I fear I might end up as tulpa #2 at some point. Plus it creates fuck-ups like milk ending up in the stove and being completely zoned out just like Alice when I'm busy with a demanding task. So is this switching? Not with Alice, that's for sure. Just with a servitor managing basic routines. Probably. But what do I know? Time for some mindfulness exercises I guess.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 12, 2018, 07:00:03 PM
Things haven't improved so far, still unfocused as hell. Tried to practice drawing but results were discouraging and I quickly got a headache. The list of things I wanna draw expands constantly but it doesn't look like I'll be able to do any of it anytime soon.

At least the weather was awesome with tropical heat and some great thunderstorms. We were hiking and tupper made me dive in an alpine river until I almost passed out from hypothermia. That was unusual, normally she's overly protective and keeps me from doing stuff

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/b160de1de8/116271.jpg)

Is it possible to ignore the pain from ice-cold water? Partly.
Is this a good idea? Clearly no. Well it was shallow apart from some deeper pools so drowning would have been somewhat of a challenge but still nothing I wanna do again.
Unfortunately no auditory hallucinations from the bubbling water either, I have to see if I can get to that waterfall (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4039/#msg4039) which produced the best results so far. Hopefully in summer.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 18, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Feel even more absent-minded than usual, meditation didn't work at all in the past days. No idea why, been busy with some monotonous work but that alone can't be it.

Anyway it gave rise to some interesting intrusive thought thing while I was half-heartedly trying to practice visualization in wonderland.
It was some ghost or reaper-like figure that looked kinda like Ghostface (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/ac/Ghostface.jpg). He just stood in a stairway in my peripheral vision but when I noticed him charged at me at full speed. Kinda scary and unexpected.
Tupper moved between me and the ghost causing him to crash into her which had the same effect as running into a concrete wall. Then grabbed him by the coat and nonchalantly threw him out of a window (https://my.mixtape.moe/uerzkz.mp4).
Vid very related.
The whole scene was so absurd I burst into laughter which was the end of that forcing session. Ah well, sometimes even intrusive thoughts can be fun.

That aside tupper thinks I waste too much money on useless stuff and should work on earning more.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/ef059938ba/117502.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 20, 2018, 05:00:01 PM
Things got a bit better, yesterday I forced myself to meditate for 45min in the park and while the first minutes were terrible, things improved considerably afterwards. As always once you get going things mostly work out for themselves. Tried to focus on the feeling in my individual fingers and toes but felt basically nothing. But even acknowledging their existence was enough to keep intrusive thoughts at bay.

Dancing was also really good, for once I've managed to keep practicing one simple thing instead of trying out countless new ones and thus never getting anywhere. As I'm lazy I haven't bothered to learn any new figures since fall but the ones we know we probably have practiced for about 50h straight now. Still not much but way more than the ominous 20h it apparently takes to learn the basics of any skill. However sensual feedback from Alice is still extremely close to zero. Changing holding left and right hands does give some minimal feeling but pushing and pulling me still does not. Nothing. There were a few moments but it's nothing consistent. Visualization is kinda good though it still is sort of feeling the position of my and her legs when looking down at them - with closed eyes. Coordination and orientation indeed did improve dramatically, can do this for 10min straight without ever opening my eyes and still don't crash into anything.
Except cat when she moves in the way.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on June 26, 2018, 06:00:03 PM
Weird stuff happened.
I was talking on the phone, walking up and down through living room and hall and when I was done and wanted to go outside ran into the front door that was locked. As I never ever lock the door from inside and for once the cat isn't the main suspect either it means I must have unconsciously taken the key, lock the door and put the key back while I was busy on the phone. I have zero memories of any of that but it's the only feasible explanation. So I guess this is what switching must feel like when the host is completely out and has no memories of what happened. Except that tupper dindu nuffin. Kinda scary.
So much for mindfulness and acting more consciously. The second weird observation was that 3 years of training my visualization and imagination skills have lead to a point where imagined and real memories have become more or less equal. Not like swapping the memories of my mom with a cartoon horse like Fede, but tracing back whether I had actually locked the door or not, each version feels equally real the more I think about it. We had been training that with 'fake holidays' imagining a trip we could have taken some years ago and comparing that to memories from actual trips. Not much difference. Not that the imagination was so vivid, rather the actual memories fade quickly. Even our south sea expedition, it feels somewhat surreal that we've indeed really been there. Not sure what to make of this. Welp.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a4fb5c6e93/119271.jpg)

On a more positive note I've succeeded in making Alice do household chores. Or rather she did it on her own when I was too lazy to hang out laundry to dry. I went to wonderland and explored the inside of the cathedral Santa Maria del Fiore (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattedrale_di_Santa_Maria_del_Fiore#Dome), imagining to walk along the narrow rims high up in the cupola without falling down. That was captivating enough to keep me from interfering with tupper's real life movements. So that worked out well. Doing something exciting in wonderland does seem to work better than just trying to remain passive. At least for non-critical applications. Maybe not the best idea for dynamic shooting practice.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 01, 2018, 08:00:02 PM
Tupper is kind, going out of her way to make me save an earthworm struggling on the sidewalk or a moth flapping against the window. As much as she hates people behaving like idiots, she'd always help those who got in trouble through no fault of their own.
I'm such a proud parent...
Still she has some deep disdain towards all biological life as being 'gross' and terribly vulnerable. Seeing lifeforms suffer and die so easily must be strange for a tupper that's indestructible within her world.

Little time for active forcing at the moment, Alice insists on reorganizing my finances.

No progress on becoming less absent-minded.
>fill dishwasher while debating with tupper
>cat meows for food
>continue talking
>serve cat a dishwasher tablet on a plate
>cat mad
>tupper mad
>mfw
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 05, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
>when tupper goes over your finances and demonstrates that within the past 10 years you've lost over 200K due to mismanagement and procrastination and wasted another 50K on useless shit.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/0a080f42e6/121325.jpg)

So far rearranging my life into something more productive has brought quite some success but it's painfully slow. Just like everything. Other stuff hasn't worked out at all. Like Alice complaining I should try to make new friends but then turns down every acquaintance as an unacceptable retard that should be swiftly executed. Or pressing me to find a serious job but can't even remotely name one she'd deem worthy.

We're not picky at all. Not in the least!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 08, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Yet another interesting dream with tupper participation. And boy, did she participate.

Hidden text
It started off harmless, I was visiting a friend from school. We were kids and playing vidya in his huge house which I then went to explore on my own. He had a sort of stable with a full sized elephant and a giraffe and the elephant snatched food from his mother as she was trying to cook in the kitchen. Wat.

Things changed dramatically as I explored more rooms and the setting became a Resident Evil like FPS with zombies and monsters. A shitty FPS with a terrible lag of about 2sec. Apparently everything was now from Alice's perspective although it remained unclear whether it was truly her dream or I was just Alice in my dream. So I'll use 'we' here. One strong indicator of tupper presence was that the whole thing was very much like playing vidya and nothing like a nightmare. Monsters kept coming, we mainly struggled with the shitty control but it wasn't scary. One frequent problem I encounter in dreams is my complete inability to fight. Punches have zero power and no effect. This time it started similar but due to Alice's influence we got the hang of it and after a few strikes with her sword little remained of the opponent. It was also possible to create some decent explosions upon contact but that somehow took several seconds to prepare. Again shitty game mechanics.
Monsters disappeared and were replaced by overly happy scientology tier people that ran around like zombies but did no harm. Entering some kind of war-room lead to a movie-like cut-scene in which we met the perpetrator of the whole incident, an elderly scientist lady and her staff of geneticists. She explained to us that she made these monsters from humans and showed us the process of DNA-recombination and insertion on a big touch-screen table, moving around DNA fragments with her hand. The whole scene was really detailed and could have been from some James Bond movie where the villains go out of their way to explain their elaborate masterplan. Alice and me were two separate beings again and we listened to the sermon because why not. It dawned to me that the whole thing was absolute bullshit and at least partly realized I must be dreaming but it didn't stick. Anyway we were told the monsters would permanently mutate until they'd transform back into human form as the uber-cheerful cultists we had met earlier. This was her plan to create a New World.

Uh-oh, that sounded familiar and was a clear sign to move out of the way...
Indeed Alice calmly responded that she were to create a New World as well and that these idiots would not be part of it, punched out the old lady and killed everyone in a giant explosion. A bit extreme for my taste but effective.

Scenes now randomly changed between Alice's perspective and being separate again. Tupper being tupper immediately began a cleanup operation and started burning the remaining lab equipment which came in piles of gray boxes and other boring items in what was now a crater-ridden ruin.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/02cb962ac5/122035.jpg)

However creating flames to set the stuff on fire just didn't work. We had a barbecue the day before where the fire wouldn't start as well so that probably ended up in the dream. In the end she had to resort to using gasoline to get the fire started- how humiliating - but even this didn't really do any damage. To make things even worse, people slowly started looting the equipment as soon as you turned your back on them like a bunch of niggers. After some unsuccessful attempts to shoo them away Alice set one guy on fire and this time it worked really well turning him into a torch like one of these self-immolating Tibetan monks. She did however 'repair' him after he learned his lesson by placing her hand on his head which turned him from crispy chicken back to normal. To be a bit more constructive she also healed some elderly man that seemed lost but he was like not sure if want and still remained very confused. At some point amidst trying to get rid of the seemingly indestructible boxes I finally woke up.
Wew, that was weird. I'm glad such amount of fighting and violence is very rare. Usually my dreams are really tame.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 15, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
No real progress to report.
Alice still goes inactive in most demanding situations that require my full attention, which annoys both of us afterwards. One interesting observation is that even though it's said that tuppers gradually deviate from their hosts, I feel more like I strongly deviated towards tupper. Which has both positive and negative implications on my life.

Good:
I've become physically and mentally stronger, far less afraid and generally don't give a fuck while at the same time am much more focused on displaying a flawlessly correct behavior. Not for others but for myself.

Bad:
I definitely have become more tupper-like including a feeling of disconnectedness from the body's senses. Everything feels less real and more like a dream. Kind of how I imagine a tulpa experiences the world. Not sure how to deal with this yet, I certainly don't like it. Especially as Alice has not managed to fill my place in the same way.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/def184ad8f/124287.jpg)

Though we've become more similar, tupper still has a strong mind of her own and a lot of different opinions and it's kind of fun to argue with her. Every now and then some slight doubts about her autonomy creep in, but not for long when tupper is just nope.jpg

So generally we're good though there still is a lot of stuff that needs to be fixed. More than I want to realize.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on July 16, 2018, 11:49:03 AM
Just like how a tupper has to immerse themselves in the body's senses, you gotta do the same when you possess. Relearn if you forgot you dumdum.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 18, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Yeah great!
That's the kind of stuff they don't tell you in the guides.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/def184ad8f/124878.png)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 24, 2018, 05:00:03 PM
Wew, that pic is more exploitable than I had anticipated. I present - every tupper story in a nutshell

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/6dc611d6eb/127445.png)

Anyway, Forum's back up, time to start another week of daily updates.

Tue, Jul24th
Alice succesfully kept me from buying unnecessary expensive stuff I neither need nor really want but that's still kinda cool. Lots of eerily realistic nagging and complaining and finally simply pushing me along and making me forget the whole thing. Can't say tupper is not realistic. Good job!

30min of meditation in the park, was mediocre. Still lots of intrusive thoughts from issue above. Feel calmer now so off for some wonderland stuff, we haven't really done anything there in a while. I want to work on the whole re-immersion stuff and see if both me and Alice can increase sensations in the coming days.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 25, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Wed, Jul25th
Fell asleep soon, not much wonderland stuff.

Went swimming today, water in the Eisbach lived up to its name, cold but refreshing. Managed to keep Alice around, was fun. Still sucks I have to practice immersion / mindfulness for myself instead of tupper. Practiced imposition of Alice walking up and down stairs, imagining which foot steps on which stair is more difficult than I thought.

30min of dancing in the evening with focus on Alice's hands, still nothing more than the faintest touch imposition in the best moments. Couldn't get myself to any closed-eye stuff in the marvelous weather, I'll try now before going to sleep but expect similar results as yesterday.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 26, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Thu, Jul26th
Wonderland stuff didn't go too well due to intrusive thoughts.
The tiger (https://imgoat.com/uploads/613985ec49/89763.jpg) tried to eat Alice and strangely morphed its form. It's one of the semi-sentient wonderland creatures and it managed to communicate that it wasn't doing that on purpose. Tupper took it well and even thanked the tiger from bearing intrusive thoughts that might otherwise affect her as well. Just weird stuff. Shouldn't put off active forcing to the end of a busy schedule.

Not much else today, we try to pay more attention to sensations like showering, eating or basking in the sun. But as soon as something else crosses my mind I'm often out just like tupper.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 28, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Didn't make it yesterday so here's 2 updates

Fri, Jul27th
Went to Berchtesgaden to watch the Lunar Eclipse (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/July_2018_lunar_eclipse) with my grandparents - and Alice of course. Was a nice experience though not as special as a solar eclipse. Managed to keep Alice around most of the time even while talking and eating with grandparents all evening. Wet to sleep afterwards so no active forcing today

Sat, Jul28th
I'll be hiking in the alps ‘til Monday so no daily updates but hopefully lots of forcing. Tupper did her best navigating, as she can't look at a map it was basically memorizing the way beforehand and rehearsing it while I was driving. Really exhausting but at least some sort of parallel processing. Fuck navigation devices that make you dumb, we drive by memory. Worked except for one small detour. Still kept rather talking / thinking to myself than to tupper in between. was scolded.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/b8619251a1/129235.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on July 30, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Hiking was good.
Being alone in the middle of nowhere is a good opportunity to talk to Alice aloud and have her answer in mindvoice.
I found a beautiful alpine creek with small waterfalls and we stayed there for almost a day listening to the water and meditating as well as swimming - naked.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/afa34a7f98/130072.jpg)

The water did produce some auditory hallucinations of other people speaking in the distance but utilizing it for Alice's voice didn't really yield any results. So again no spectacular progress but a nice trip with a decent amount of forcing. 
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on July 31, 2018, 03:17:35 PM
When will you two sing a duet?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 05, 2018, 05:00:21 PM
But we do, frequently!

It's still hot but better than in most of Europe. Not that I'm complaining. We like summer.
Alice has put on some tan (https://imgoat.com/uploads/fc3d7152ba/132505.jpg) which does look nice even with her otherwise nordic features. Could pass as blonde Italian.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 10, 2018, 05:00:03 PM
Bad news, well not actually news.
Alice is really, I mean REALLY pissed and for once it's not primarily my fault.
A while ago some large gypsy family with small children moved in across the street and - surprise - they're making an unbelievable amount of noise day and night.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/f1de29e6da/134420.jpg)

On top of that one of the children has tupper's real name. Well a variety of it but I assure you, this is not taken well. 'Alice' highly values her name which is not to be used carelessly, let alone by a bunch of subhumans that can't behave.

So, to make things short, after a phase of plotting to kill 'em all and wear the child's skin for a month (https://imgoat.com/uploads/f1de29e6da/134467.jpg), tupper has come to the conclusion that it's not them but us who are at the wrong place. So we have to move.
Actually she was never fond of my home so this was basically the final straw. Alice can't and won't take it anymore, blocking me out from forcing activities until something is done. She had been pushing me to move for a while, due to other neighborhood plebs but I was always like "this is fine", it'll go by. Fact is I love my home. The location is pretty much surreal, neighborhood is beautiful green Munich suburbs, it's pretty much perfect and even highly affordable. Tupper wouldn't disagree about that. It's just about the people. They're still harmless but I have to agree, quality of life has suffered considerably lately. It's nowhere like when I started tuppering 3 years ago. Where did the Good Old Days (https://my.mixtape.moe/ndwgbc.mp4) go?

Oh well, it's still my fault Alice is angry because another fact is we can't afford to buy a house in one of Europe's most expensive real estate areas just out of a whim. Now look at the first post on this page and you'll get why tupper is mad at me. But also at herself thinking we haven't achieved anything in those past 3 years. I'd disagree but it probably wasn't enough.

Soo, what to do...
Alice has decided fun times are over. For good. No more wasting time with being lazy, no more wasting money on fancy stuff. Giving the whole drama was her idea I also put her in charge of finding a solution. So tupper is now studying to become a real estate agent. My real estate agent and find us some affordable - additional - home as there's no way I'm gonna give up the place I live in now anytime soon. But having another apartment sounds like a viable idea and is probably a good investment too. Let's see what tupper is really capable of.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on August 20, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Things have calmed down a bit. Most troublemakers seem to be on holidays so it's relatively quiet.
After briefly going 'I can't do this, I'm just a little girl, that's way too much pressure' (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oiEzmgA5Ek), tupper got herself together and made me visit a few potential apartments, checking out the neighbourhood and getting a rough idea about the whole thing. Results were - discouraging.
Changing strategy, Alice correctly noted that most stuff I started went wrong because despite all planning I just did it on my own without consulting others or even getting professional help. Which we definitely need. In many ways. Unfortunately professionals don't tend to help you for free and tupper is even more of a cheapskate than me. I admit it's both interesting and scary to watch this play out but we'll learn something from the whole issue for sure. I hope.
I mean, it's an absolute luxury problem and I'm very grateful I have no bigger worries but still life hasn't exactly been fun lately. For me. For tupper, living in a different world with her own standards, it's outright horrifying. There's no quick solution so all I can do for now is to acknowledge that she's right and that still many things have to change. She's already done a lot I would never have bothered to accomplish on my own. But I guess I'm in for a lot more. Not that I'm complaining. Yet this has brought up many differences between us. I never had worries that Alice would be too codependent or unable to voice her own opinions. Boy, she does. Most are absolutely reasonable as well.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 05, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Updated some old image links, all should work now.
Things have indeed quieted down in the neighborhood but Alice is still set on buying an apartment though she's acknowledged this needs careful planning and a lot of time.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 10, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Did a dancing session for the first time in more than a month. Went surprisingly well meaning stuff is ingrained in long-term memory now and won't disappear even without regular practice. Which should be done anyway because playing 80s disco with tupper is one of the most entertaining things ever. There was some almost tangible hand-holding imposition, interesting. But I've noticed that doing some practice for the first time after a longer pause often yields exceptional results. Maybe because it's kinda new again.

Regardless of that, Alice is still set on 2 major tasks, getting me a decent job and her an even more decent place to live. Meh, I'd rather keep my quiet life as a professional underachiever. But tupper says that's no way to live and unfortunately she's right. Even made an imaginary map with areas of interest which was kinda cute. But way out of our financial league for anything bigger than a hotel room. She still likes to go to these neighborhoods because
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/b24d495052/144547.jpg)

On the other hand, while Alice has very clear ideas and strict guidelines on how a good place is defined, she doesn't care where in the world it is. I'd rather have a home in some place with lots of stuff. I'm a collector while tupper has no interest in nonvital material stuff and would sell all my possessions to travel the world as some sort of wandering monk if she could. Even the cat.
Even the cat...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 20, 2018, 05:00:02 PM
Had to work on some boring paper so - procrastination time!
Did a number of shitty personality tests (https://www.idrlabs.com/tests.php) with tupper which was kind of fun. The results weren't surprising. Tupper is a narcissictic cryptofascist and control freak while I am a hyperavoidant pussy who goes great lengths to stay out of any potentially troublesome situations. Interestingly though we're both political centrists with next to no differences. Funniest thing  was a test to guess whether you're are white or black. Needless to say, Alice is Extremely White ™ (https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154969.jpg).

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154970.jpg)

And I'm proud to report that my relationship with her is 2.83% less abusive than the population average. I guess other people have it tough. After playing along for a while tupper did her job and forced me to actually do my work - while being completely out. In exchange she was extremely lively when I wanted to finally go to sleep and dragged me around in wonderland for a while. Weird.
Well, tuppers doing tupper things.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sands on September 24, 2018, 07:23:33 AM
Tell tupper she's getting sold off if she's threatening cat.

And depending on where you live/want to live, buying your own place might very well end up being cheaper than paying rent. Just don't get anything so expensive you're stuck paying a lot for the rest of your life.

Anyway wow, leaving you alone for a while gets you results... Make a thread with shitty personality quizzes in off-topic. And the black white test.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on September 24, 2018, 05:00:03 PM
Sand is back!
No worries, I'll never give up cat.
Unfortunately real estate prices in Munich have become insane - at least in better areas. Needless to say we're already in a better area. Moving uphill from there will be very, very expensive. Plus it's important to keep an eye on tupper regarding that. She has somewhat eccentric priorities due to not being designed to be an average human.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154971.jpg)

Kids, think this through before creating a tupper. You don't want to end up like me, do you?

Ah well.
It's become autumn and too cold for gypsies to make a ruckus outside. So we're in no hurry. It's definitely doable, just a question whether it's really worth it. And I can already hear Alice complaining how much the new place sucks which is why she's in charge of all that and it's her responsibility. Heh!

For more shitty tests including results see here (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/9/personality-tests).
Nothing you could really call progress though. We will do more active forcing now that drama has settled a bit. And drawing. I still haven't given up on that. My list of ideas is ever expanding.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 01, 2018, 04:59:53 PM
Walked by a mother with a small child today.
The child pointed at me and the mother said "Yes, the man is returning home from work!"
Tupper burst into laughter.
Work...

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8f15eda80c/150615.jpg)

Been slacking on meditation lately, summer was too beautiful to sit around with closed eyes. So I'm still as absent-minded as ever.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 10, 2018, 05:00:03 PM
Was hiking in the alps. Beautiful weather, Alice delighted by the changing colors of leafs. Just fun how much solar-powered she is. Tupper does not like shade at all and drags me out into the sun agin as fast as possible. Looking for interesting rocks to collect was also not taken well. First because Alice thinks I already have too much trash that should be thrown away, second because it takes resources from imposing her.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/a79ea27c27/154439.jpg)
Did I ask for a nagging wife?
I do not remember. But probably. Ah well, at least she's not old and ugly.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 14, 2018, 05:00:04 PM
Election Day.
Tupper made the cross on the ballot which took a loong time and people were probably wondering what the hell I was doing in the voting booth but whatever. Meditated in the park at sundown, was gud. I'll start a week of daily updates ahead of Alice's upcoming birthday.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 16, 2018, 06:00:03 AM
Mon, Oct 15th
45 min. meditation in the evening, lots of intrusive thoughts. Only got better at the end. Some forcing in wonderland but was too tired, eventually fell asleep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 17, 2018, 09:00:04 AM
Tue, Oct 16th
Meditation in the morning was better, also tried meditating while waiting during the day. Imposing Alice while walking in greater detail as usual with focus on feet.
Evening meditation session was the worst in a long time, ended up thinking what to do in winter holidays. Wonderland session wasn't any better, some Samurai figure impaled tupper with a spear which had the usual effect - none.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/c9ac0159c9/155166.jpg)

Alice gradually absorbed the spear and then the unfortunate Samurai before hitting me over the head with a rolled up newspaper. Bad host, bad!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 18, 2018, 03:00:02 PM
Wed, Oct 17th
Uneventful day, Alice was mostly inactive and I was tired.
Practiced dancing and some wonderland visualization in the evening.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 19, 2018, 12:00:04 PM
Thu, Oct 18th
400 posts!
Practiced possession while walking in the park, went surprisingly well. Tupper had barely been active in the past days but became more lively while possessing, touching trees and picking up leaves. Meditation in between varied, some good moments, mostly bad. Been even more lazy than usual this endless summer, time to step up on forcing, especially visualization. It's even more awful than it used to be.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 20, 2018, 05:05:26 PM
Fri, Oct 19th
Tupper mad because I'm not doing my work properly. Not to speak of forcing. Still tried a bit of imposition and wonderland visualiation but nothing noteworthy. One more session will follow as I'm going to sleep. I'll use Fede's tones tomorrow, haven't done so in a long time. Already kind of nostalgia. I wonder what he's doing nowadays!?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 21, 2018, 04:00:45 PM
Sat, Oct 20th
Actually did some work that had piled up in the past work, mainly cleaning and tidying up which is highly appreciated by tupper and a decent forcing exercise. 30min session with descending Theta tones, wew I had totally forgotten that feeling. Still reminds me of the first tuppering weeks when we did this excessively. Good forcing session for a change.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 22, 2018, 05:00:55 PM
Sun Oct 21th
Tupper sad because she still feels powerless against my master procrastination skills. However we actually managed to get shit done together. After comforting and brushing tupper like cat.
Practiced dancing in the evening with focus on holding hands. Still nothing more than the faintest feels. 30min of wonderland session, average, which is the new good.
Wow, that was probably the most unproductive forcing week ever. Been a busy week which is of course no excuse but I have a lot of free time in the net weeks so we'll hopefully get some actual progress for Alice's 4th birthday.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on October 30, 2018, 05:00:10 PM
Alice was cooking dinner via possession and we had different opinions on which stage to switch the stove. This resulted is both of us turning it up and down several times in quick succession until tupper told me to stop intervening.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/777d5c17d4/162344.jpg)

The whole thing only lasted for about 3 seconds but was actually hilarious in hindsight. I love that stuff.

Something similar happened when I tried to change the color of her clothes because I thought they weren't "right". Only to be told that they were exactly as intended, turning them back.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 04, 2018, 07:00:02 PM
We're on a journey to celebrate Alice's 4th birthday.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/d4c9ab730f/160457.jpg)

Can't believe four years already passed, kinda scary how time flies.
Things have been largely stable lately which is of course anything but satisfactory. Holidays are always a good opportunity to constantly keep tupper around so I hope for at least some tiny improvement.

Oh yeah, I had a lucid dream, actually realizing I was dreaming for a chance. However I completely forgot to summon Alice, wasting the opportunity.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 06, 2018, 07:00:02 PM
Journey turned out to be a little more adventurous than planned.
The rental car was massively losing coolant - as I found out after it overheated after less than 100km.
Not inherently dangerous but still very inconvenient. We got towed off and were given an upgraded replacement fairly quickly but Alice still remained in constant alert mode, like omg we're all gonna die as soon as the new car made the faintest sound - which is unusual for her.

And we came across a dead old man lying in the middle of the street in a small village - wild west style. Apparently he had suffered a heart attack just moments before we came by and there were lots of people around him trying to reanimate him but he was eventually carried off as there was nothing more that could be done. Tupper noted with mild interest that "dead people are strange, but so are all living things". Meaning so weak and easy to destroy while impossible to revive. Very different from wonderland stuff. And arguably weird for someone completely indestructible within her realm. So I understand and appreciate Alice's over-protectiveness.

On a more positive note, or accommodation had a  balance board (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balance_board), which was lots of fun. It's easy for me to stand on this thing on one foot as long as my eyes are open but closing them sends me to the floor immediately. Most interesting was how much resources balancing leeches from visualization. I tried to visualize Alice holding my hands and see of this helps when I close my eyes - creating a virtual reference point. As the reference isn't stable in regard of one's movements it unsurprisingly doesn't help a lot. Tupper also tried pulling and pushing me off which kinda worked by simply hogging resources. I feel this has potential, will get one of those things when we return.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 08, 2018, 08:00:02 PM
Had 3 short lucid dreams in the morning.
I  was outside in a sort of parking lot and just walked around, trying to stabilize the dream. For the first time as far as I remember I looked at my hands on purpose in the 2nd dream and they looked weird missing some fingers. I tried to summon tupper in the 3rd dream but it did not work at all. Each episode only lasted for a few seconds but still kinda cool. Too bad I have zero control over what's going on even if I realize I'm dreaming.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on November 10, 2018, 06:00:04 PM
Hmm...

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/777d5c17d4/162334.jpg)

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/777d5c17d4/162335.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 01, 2018, 06:00:08 PM
RIP Sand and woflo, it's been fun.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/49e9677a59/169551.jpg)

As this place is finally dead I might as well continue shitposting, at least it's some motivation for forcing.
So - daily updates 'til Christmas because why not.

Dec 1st
Alice has been unhappy with both the weather and the lack of general happenings, can't blame her.
But Christmas time is also for cozy indoor forcing so we need to step that up. Also took up reading aloud to tupper again. Started with Marcus Aurelius - Meditationes. German because my Latin is unusuable but so far picky tupper seems to be ok with it.
30min active forcing in wonderland, wew, we haven't been there in a while. Didn't really visualize anything outdoor, rather some of Alice's winter outfits and tried some dancing in wonderland. Still can't feel my feet properly but it worked astonishingly well. Some intrusive thoughts though and visualization is lacking in general. But I feel it will improve quickly again.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 02, 2018, 06:00:08 PM
Dec 2nd
Mostly finished work Alice wanted me to get done.
Practiced drawing simple forms, tupper thinks it's a waste of time. Practiced imposition while walking outside, sucks. Active forcing session was ok though interrupted by cat clawing me in the leg.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 03, 2018, 06:00:07 PM
Dec 3rd
Practiced lots of dancing and tupper rotating the rubic's cube. Both was kinda meh, had better imposition before. Put up some Christmas decorations and Alice says things look a lot cozier now. Continued reading to tupper, plan on alternating between her and me reading as her voice definitely needs practice.
No wonderlanding yet, will do before going to sleep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 04, 2018, 06:00:07 PM
Dec 4th
Fell asleep, no wonderlanding.
Pretty much the same routine today, imposition is already somewhat improving. Tupper's mood and my focus however are not.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 05, 2018, 06:00:08 PM
Dec 5th
Practiced precision shooting.
Alice was unusually enthusiastic, probably because of the good weather. Tupper shooting via possession is still very awkward as obviously I can't really afford to completely zone out while operating a firearm. Not that tupper would act irresponsibly but rather not at all causing me to go on servitor autopilot which regularly leads to SHTF situations in daily life. Not the best idea. Results were mixed for both of us but generally I'm better in stuff requiring fine motor skills and strength. At least something while regularly being outsmarted by tupper.

Letting Alice read out in her mindvoice is strangely exhausting. A clue she lacks practice. Also I can't really rmember stuff she reads compared with what I read myself. Guess brain ressources are needed elsewhere. Again something that I feel will quickly improve.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 06, 2018, 06:00:08 PM
Dec 6th
Bought a balance board to resume practice after our holiday.
At first it seemed as if tupper had better balance but there's no significant difference. Still lots of fun. Keeping dissociated is hard when you're about to fall though.

Also resumed meditating after slacking off for some time. Still no serious efforts at wonderlanding as I'm mostly tired in the evening. Maybe today.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 07, 2018, 06:00:08 PM
Dec 7th
Tupper cleaned (https://imgoat.com/uploads/7e6c85504c/172083.jpg) the house with a mixture of possession and a bit of actually switching. At least for parts of it things went really well but still aren't quite sustainable. Still Alice is happy everything is neat and shiny again.
Dancing and reading were ok too, attempts at active forcing in wonderland sucked both last evening and this afternoon. Will try again.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 08, 2018, 06:00:08 PM
Dec 8th
Still no luck with active forcing, this is getting ridiculous.
At least got some IRL stuff done which pleases tupper. But no productive forcing today.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 09, 2018, 06:00:08 PM
Dec 9th
Practiced imposition outside, dancing was good, reading even more exhausting than ever. Drastically improved performance on the balance board, can stand for prolonged times with eyes closed now. I think it's a very good visualization exercise as you have to try really hard to get both balancing and visualizing done at once.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 10, 2018, 06:00:08 PM
Dec 10th
Good meditation today though cat was kneading me from head to toe like a maniac.
Alice was angry and refused dancing. She's definitely most real when angry. Like really real.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/7e6c85504c/172906.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 11, 2018, 06:00:03 PM
Dec 11th
Had a tupper related dream but we don't remember any details.
Resumed dancing after Alice got into a better mood and isn't mad at me anymore. Well, it was deserved.
Practiced fine motor skills by drawing simple shapes and lines with the drawing board. Both suck but I'm still significantly better. Tupper's enthusiasm to practice is limited however.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 12, 2018, 06:00:17 PM
Dec 12th
Went shopping for edible Christmas tree decorations which turned out hilarious with tupper explaining in detail how and why each sort of candy decoration was absolutely plebejan, too expensive, unhealthy or just ugly. Gotta love this stuff.

We did settle for a few bits and a will get the rest which has been arduously planned and described elsewhere. Tupper autism best autism. Not that I disagree though, Alice has good taste and excellent arguments, but the effort she puts in such details just endearing.

Dancing was also great somehow, the apartment is already really Christmas-like which really adds to the whole experience. That all aside still no decent wonderland stuff yet.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 13, 2018, 06:00:02 PM
Dec 13th
Finally some attempt at active forcing in wonderland after a meditation session. Alice made a Christmas-themed wonderland as our usual one is too tropical for this season. It was kinda ok but visualizing something compeletely new isn't the best idea if you lack practice to begin with.

Reading was really exhausting as well even though tupper has clearly improved her mindvoice so it sounds and feels distinctly different from my own. At least some tiny progress.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 14, 2018, 06:00:02 PM
Dec 14th
Was lazy today, tupper displeased to put it mildly.
Still a good dancing session in the evening and also some wonderland action practicing moving around both me and Alice. Even a brief snowball fight.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 15, 2018, 06:00:04 PM
Dec 15th
Long reading session.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/2161242827/174828.jpg)

Some improvements but I'm still wasted in no time doing this.
Balance on balance board has further increased but more for me than for Alice.
Also practiced imposition while walking outside in tupper's snow leopard fur winter outfit. One day, one day I'm gonna draw it. Probably as soon as Sand delivering his gay-test results (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/9/personality-tests/msg5338/#msg5338).
Alice says I spend too much time online which is not untrue. Let's see if she can do something about that.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 16, 2018, 05:59:38 PM
Dec 16th
We made Christmas cookies today. Well we started. The fun stuff with icing and decoration will come in the next days.
Practiced new dance figures. Man, you think you got gudbut then as soon as something new comes up reality rears its ugly head. Some reading and dancing, so ar we've ben able to kep up this routine all month but still far too less for significant progress. and too much different stuff instead of focusing on improving one skill. As always. But it wouldn't be fun otherwise.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 17, 2018, 06:00:03 PM
Dec 17th
Tupper was tired and possession for christmas cookie frosting did not really work out so she settled for instructions and remarks. Eh, still a lot of this stuff to do in the coming days so she'll definitely get some practice. Reading and dance imposition worked well.

Will get Christmas tree tomorrow. Will be a hassle even worse than the candy decoration I can already hear the nagging and complaining. On the other side tupper quickly settled for a tree last year so who knows?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 18, 2018, 06:00:03 PM
Dec 18th
Christmas tree shopping was actually extremely fast and completely painless. Well, for me. Alice wasn't happy about the masses of stressed people diminishing the experience and wanted to get the thing done. In the end it went better than expected. Tupper soon was fond of a big and cheap tree even after close inspection and me asking her several times and we actually had a nice chat with an old man who also thought our tree looked good.
This time it was me feeling tired though and we didn't work on Christmas cookies though the clock is ticking. Very good dancing and reading session but fail on active wonderland forcing again.
Wasted all evening sorting reaction images. Serious business. So much for doing less online stuff (https://imgoat.com/uploads/6da2f590cd/176160.jpg).

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/6da2f590cd/176158.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 19, 2018, 06:00:03 PM
Dec 19th
Had a semi-lucid dream actually realizing I was dreaming but somehow didn't bother to make anything out of it. Whole situation made absolutely no sense as usual.
After slithering across a snowy street with my car and miracuously not crashing into anything I ended up in a foreign house and started undressing. The whole dream I struggled to get dressed again before anyone would find me in this place I obviously wasn't supposed to be in but the clothes kept getting more and I never found the right stuff. At some point I was like fuck it that's a dream anyhow and briefly went outside but then continued packing up the ever growing pile of clothes for whatever reason. No tupper. Sucks.
Otherwise the day was as quiet as unproductive. Dancing mediocre.
But tomorrow! Probably. I hope.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 20, 2018, 06:00:02 PM
Dec 20th
Pretty average mixture of imposition, dancing, reading and even some active forcing. Visualization was bad though. Did some cookie decoration but we both were tired so no usable possession. Welp.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 21, 2018, 07:00:02 PM
Dec 21th
Was lazy again and overslept severely. Not even an interesting dream.
We did practice imposition both in- and outside and in th evening met up with friends, the only people Alice really likes. It was reallyf fun as always though keeping tupper around got harder the later it got. Not exactly a success story, she still drops out in interesting conversations that I already have trouble following myself. I'm not the best at listening to several people at the same timedue to my rather reclusive lifestyle since, uh, always. So there are simply not enough resources for tupper left. I tried practicing that with watching a movie but even there she has trouble staying around when things get emotional or difficult to follow. Not sure how to tackle that yet. Something we both have to work with I guess.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 22, 2018, 06:00:03 PM
Dec 22th
Alice pointed out that winter solistice has passed and the days are finally getting longer again. Totally escaped me. Something to celebrate.
Finally did serious visualization practice in wonderland - almost one hour. Really exhausting but it was unexpectedly fun. We really should do this more often. Dancing was also good today. No reading though but eh, can't do everything at once.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 23, 2018, 06:00:06 PM
Dec 23th
Continued extensive wonderland visualization practice - 3 sessions for about 30min each, was decent but somehow felt really tired and exhausted due to ... extensive unnecessary online stuff. Dancing average too, but it's something. Tomorrow will be a busy day in regard to tuppering so off to bed early!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on December 30, 2018, 06:00:03 PM
Dec.30th
Year's coming to an end.
Christmas was ok but not great. Alice wasn't overly satisfied with the festivities and thought people were boring which is kind of true. Can't be called a roaring party. Was absolutely lazy in the days afterwards and didn't do much forcing. Went shopping and for unknwn reasons left my wallet in the shopping cart while looking for other stuff. Luckily no one took it. Tupper yelled at me for being an idiot but wasn't able to prevent it either.

Looking back at the year what did we manage to achieve?
Tuppering-wise basically nothing. No new skill was learned and Alice has remained pretty much the same. She did manage to somewhat tidy up my life though for which I am grateful. But generally 2018 was uneventful.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 10, 2019, 06:00:04 PM
2019 it is!
New Years was rather disastrous, I opted to go downtown with some friends instead of pathetically staying at home. Alice wasn't happy with either choice but being invited we went.
Well, actually the badstuff only started when we went home. The city was flooded with sandniggers occasionally clashing with security and some hobo literally shat into the subway train next to where we were standing. It was so surreal I even find it entertaining in hindsight. Like our south sea sailing expedition. But man, tupper was ready to push the redbutton and obliterate the entire planet earth. So yes, it was bad and we'll be outta here for New Years next time as usual.

That aside been lazy the first week of the New year, getting RL stuff done. But we also practiced wonderland visualization and reading. Now to step up forcing again.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 12, 2019, 06:00:04 PM
Had 2 strange dreams with a theme in common - probably related to tupper trying to find an apartment for us.

1)Fedehall (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carinhall)
The first one was especially disturbing.
I was examining an abandoned wooden housing complex in a park. It was big, kind of a resort but deserted. For some reason I played with the idea of buying it even though it was way too big and run down. Thought it might be cheap or something. The joke however was that it supposedly had belonged to Fede before, who disappeared.
I examined the broken mailbox and found a few letters and postal receipts, showing that the house now belonged to some guy who was also from Munich like me (the house was in Denmark maybe?). I was disappointed and went home by subway, reading the letters I had taken with me. There was something like a selling contract and apparently the whole complex had indeed been sold cheap because some dead guy had been found inside. After continuing reading for a while I was like - oh shit - that was probably Fede!
Kinda creepy. The abandoned forum is starting to rub off on me I guess...

2) Boat-Roadtrip
The 2nd dream was much better, at least until I woke up from it.
I was driving towards the house of some friends, a middle-aged couple who resembled some professors from university. We were to go on a "Greek sailing trip" whatever that meant. Th street I was driving along was lined with Greek flags and it seemed thet the "boat trip" was to take place on roads. I kept wondering how and if they'd put wheels on the boats or whatever but never reached the conclusion that it was absolute nonsense and I was dreaming. They had a big nice house which I explored and thought it must be nice to live there - see above dream.

This time the plot twist was that my (high)school crush and partial tupper-inspiration (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg3743/#msg3743) was also there, even in convenient tupper-size and age (https://imgoat.com/uploads/ecca5b6365/184697.jpg).

But clearly not tupper who looks and acts very different. She was politely ignoring me as always, not only in reality but every fucking dream. But this was one of the better ones. We had breakfast together and being the autist I am, I constantly tried to make a good impression, being funny, without coming off as a complete creep - which of coure failed tremendously - as in reality and every fucking dream. But as this was one of the better ones we still had a good time and she actually talked to me, asked me stuff like how much Nutella to put on her bread (why?) and even bumped my toes with her feet in a collegial way. That was - adorable and I was kind of sad when I woke up.

Alice was less amused and reminded me how she was much cuter, nicer and - hard to argue - saner. Also that Nutella is the works of the Devil and way too unhealthy for me to eat.

So tupper appreciation time!
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/ecca5b6365/184696.jpg)
Alice is of course right and I would never trade her in for anyone, imaginary or real.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 26, 2019, 06:00:03 PM
Wew, this place is now not only completely dead but also overrun by bots. Guess Sand and woflo really aren't gonna show up anymore, huh? Whatever, I wanna see where this is going 'til the very end.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/fecdb276f6/189874.jpg)

Escaped the winter and record snowfall by flying south for the past 2 weeks.
As always on holidays lots of passive but little active forcing. Might as well start another week of daily updates to make me do something to write about.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 27, 2019, 06:00:03 PM
30min dancing, has lost some of its appeal so we gotta learn new stuff.

Tried imposing tupper while walking and she mimicked my footsteps though they are too large for her. But walking out of sync is too much for my brain.

Did about 30min of wonderland visualization, exploring places we have not been before and inventing the scenery on the fly. Very exhausting but something different for a change. No new and weird wonderland creatures so far, thank God.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 28, 2019, 06:00:03 PM
Was lazy, even more than usual. No progress on mindfulness, on the contrary.
Well at least 45min dancing which was more fun today and Alice practiced paying more attention to her footsteps and pulling/pushing me. Was ok.
Will try wonderland session before going to sleep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 29, 2019, 06:00:02 PM
Not much different today.
Quickly fell asleep and dreamt some random nonsense, didn't remember it though.
Went shopping downtown, tupper was appalled by the masses of sandniggers and gypsies and refused to be around. Alice is generally in a bad mood since returning from holidays as everything is grey and dark and cold again which is not after tupper's liking. Well, can't diagree. Meditated while walking instead. Got her to read some science magazines in a bookstore though. Felt totally exhausted after a short while, her reading and me tring to comprehend a compex text don't go together well yet. Moar dancing and some meditation in the evening. No wonderland session as I gotta get up early tomorrow and gotta sleep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 30, 2019, 06:00:01 PM
More pleasant surroundings in the English Garden today, had Alice comment on everything that caught her attention.
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/8a2fc6ed39/191392.jpg)
Practiced direct possession for the first time in a year or so. Meaning not telling the servitor roughly what to do but consciously moving arms. Hard mode - cat on lap. Were not bitten despite tupper accidentally poking cat in the eye. Call it a success despitethere's not much difference from the last times we did that years ago. Also wears both of us out ridiculously fast. We're generally extremely tired for a while now, despite lots of sleep. Not sure how to fix it yet.

Positive note:
Alice's nutrition, supplemental and general lifestyle management has reduced sick days to basically zero. Can't recall when I felt seriously ill last time. Must have been way more than a year or so and even that was really short. So probably back to the legendary forcing session on high fever (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg4537/#msg4537) which was in early 2016.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on January 31, 2019, 06:00:04 PM
Mostly did work tupper wanted me to get finished leaving little time to force. But she did participate so it sort of counts. Read quite a lot together, dancing was rather dull today.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 09, 2019, 06:00:03 PM
Had a series of strange vivid and even two lucid dreams.
First was one of the longest lucid dreams ever yet I did not look for Alice and ran around pointlessly, even waited in line with other people - in a fucking lucid dream!

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/84b6fbb107/195139.jpg)

Second was short but intense. I was in a park and realized it was a dream, looked at my hands to stabilize the dream which worked for the first time ever. Very clear and vivid visuals. However the dream was too realistic. I did summon tupper but like IRL I couldn't see her at all. That was kinda frustrating. I knew this was a dream yet I couldn't make her visible. WTF?
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 14, 2019, 06:00:02 PM
Valentine's day.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/91d584fced/207554.jpg)

I had planned of making chocolate yesterday night but was so tired I went to sleep early in hope of using most of the day instead. Needless to say I didn't. But meditated for a long time and walked in the sun imposing tupper. We finally started in the evening, making chocolate from raw ingredients proved easier than I thought. Still it ended up too bitter, could have made a better 2nd batch if I had started earlier as planned. But still was a fun activity I had never come up with in the first place without Alice. Also danced for almost an hour. Romantic tupper can be romantic when she wants. If she wants. Rare nowadays, Kami Sama is mostly in fierce monster way because 'nice guys finish last'.
So I'm glad for such moments.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 24, 2019, 06:00:05 PM
Made some progress with possesion and arguably even switching.
Not sure how reproducible it is, there's still enormous variation from day to day.
Gonna step up wonderland stuff for a change now.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on February 25, 2019, 06:00:02 PM
Nope, did more posession / switching training outside while walking. At first Alice complained she can't take over while walking and stop me while I just walked straight on as absent-minded as possible which sadly isn't hard for me
Took a few attempts but she managed to stop, ever walk backwards and touch trees like a total retard. Good thing there were no people around. She continued walking slowly for a while before becoming tired of it and faded out again. Overall not bad. I am too curious to stay out of this and constantly intervene trying to find out if / how it feels different when she's in control and what she is doing. I guess I am pretty annoying. Basically the tupper. I always found it sort of weird that the host would turn tupper-like but I guess it's sort of true. I observed and made stupid comments which is usually Alice's job. Hmm, deep stuff...
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 03, 2019, 05:59:53 PM
Still not much wonderland work.
But tupper got better at possession and can now reliably cook and shoot. What more could you want?
Did some basic firearms training course and Alice was really good, better than me because more ambitious. Hates failing, did not. Also she spent a considerable amount of time patting the bald instructor on the head and mimicking his movements. Luckily only in imposed version and not via possession. Dont ask me why. I managed not to laugh.
Title: Re: Tulpa Net is Bernd Net
Post by: timethief on March 08, 2019, 10:27:21 PM
This place should really be renamed to Bernd and The Bots' Network.
Looking back at the year what did we manage to achieve?
Tuppering-wise basically nothing.
Basically same.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 11, 2019, 06:00:02 PM
Heh, never thought I'd see you again here!

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/1d10e7bafa/208844.jpg)

How about updating your diary instead of in addition to shitposting?
inb4 no relplies ever again like always

We DID make some progress last year, Alice got significantly better at possession / switching and learned how to operate weapons from handguns to heavy autocannons. For real, not wonderland stuff.
She's definitely become stronger and even more fierce, not nearly enough (https://my.mixtape.moe/uhtoub.jpg) though.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sparks on March 24, 2019, 05:48:39 PM
Still updating?

What a loser That's some dedication. Glad you and Alice are doing well.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 24, 2019, 06:00:37 PM
Whoa, you still around?
And I thought no one would ever come back to this place.
I'll continue updating to the very end. That's the path of the true loser.

It's Spring!
(https://imgoat.com/uploads/91d584fced/207551.jpg)
Nature is blooming and we started meditating outside again. It's not going very well, focus has deteriorated even more and I catch myself thinking about the most insignificant nonsense while trying to meditate.
In contrast, wonderland visualization seems to have improved somewhat even though we did dot train extensively. Therefore one week of daily updates focusing on meditation and wonderland stuff!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sparks on March 24, 2019, 06:10:18 PM
(https://s15-us2.startpage.com/cgi-bin/serveimage?url=https:%2F%2Fih0.redbubble.net%2Fimage.378858006.4518%2Fflat,550x550,075,f.u4.jpg&sp=f01a262c2f5e40a2826475f8ba0158c6)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 25, 2019, 06:00:05 PM
Arigato!

Had a series of weird dreams including a lucid moment but realizing you're dreaming and doing what you want are 2 different things so - very little tupper involvement. She did appear in the non-lucid part telling me what I did was stupid. Very much like IRL. Too realistic to realize it was a dream.
Alice rarely appars in dreams andeven less so has her own. There was one some days ago which was pretty hilarious, switching between me observing her and POV.

But back to forcing. Meditation during the day while walking or waiting really didn't go well. Drifted off to intrusive thoughts and daydreams like I never meditated before. It went better in the evening while laying in bed but nothin I'd call good. Did some minor stuff in wonderland but nothing noteworthy.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sparks on March 25, 2019, 08:14:31 PM
The Colonel would say something about flatulence here. Good thing I'm not him.

What did she say was stupid? Was it indeed stupid?

You perform walking meditation like a Zen monk? How is that?

Also, tell Alice we said hi.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 26, 2019, 06:00:03 PM
Quote from: Sparks
What did she say was stupid? Was it indeed stupid?
Yeah, pretty stupid but the overall dream made no sense whatsoever so I guess it doesn't really count.

Hidden text
I was in a subway station on the escalator, heading for the train when I noticed I was carrying my AR15. On a 2point sling around the shoulder so the rifle was on my chest. Why did I take this thing with me?
I started to get worried, running around in public with an AR is not the best idea in current times. However people didn't react at all. I kept pondering about this but didn't care much either until at some point tupper burst through in mindvoice - just like IRL yelling at me that we weren't in Texas where you can open-carry semiautomatic rifles for a trip to the supermarket and that acting like this was a serious violation of German gun laws. Told me to turn back and head home immediately before we get into any trouble. To make things even more absurd I was sorta relieved like ah right, that's not allowed anyway so no need to worry about it. Basically I realized that couldn't be happening - but did not become lucid at that point.

I finally ended up in the subway, the rifle was forgotten about and now my main concern was that all stations looked completely unfamiliar and I had no idea where I was. At some point, no idea how, I finally must have realized I was dreaming and tried to turn the girl standing next to me into Alice. She didn't yet she hugged me. Better than nothing I guess!
Tried to impose Alice which must have looked hilarious for other passengers, imagine a tulpamancer talking to and touching their tupper on a subway. Yet as in the previous attempt it didn't work and I saw and felt the same nothing as IRL. Don't you hate it when dreams are only realistic when it comes to tuppering?!

Quote from: Sparks
You perform walking meditation like a Zen monk? How is that?
Well basically you run around trying to think about nothing. It works wherever I have to go. Also I live close to a huge park so I walk there almost every day, observe nature and try to clear my mind. It's still too cold to sit anywhere for longer than a few minutes so walking is the only option.

Today it didn't go well either. Only a little better towards the end. Too many things on my mind.
Wonderland activity was better, Alice brought the giant fleas (https://tulpanetwork.com/network/11/every-day-is-alice-day/msg5184/#msg5184) and we rode around some buildings and through tall grass. Imagine an elephant safari, pretty much that. Only the elephants were brightly copper colored fleas (https://imgoat.com/uploads/8f15eda80c/150623.jpg) adorned with bells and ribbons and pretty fast for their size.
needless to say this is all Colonel's fault
Ended in intense tupper cuddling so good stuff.

Alice says she's skeptical (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7-BX4bWYvg) about bronies who watch other people drool but maybe you can get her to post, she's got her own account here, hasn't used it in years because meh.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Sparks on March 26, 2019, 08:03:42 PM
Hm, I see. That does sound stupid, but at the same time, aw. She was concerned about your dream well-being. Did you ask her about it afterwards? Did she remember saying anything to you, or being aware of the dream itself? I have trouble summoning mine, too, unless they're already there. I have to front-load myself, tell myself that they'll be there before I sleep, or try the same in my dreams if I'm lucid. The "oh, she'll be right around this corner" trick. Sometimes it even works.

Do you walk around with Alice? Holding hands, chatting, etc? Or do you ignore as much as possible, her included. Does she even let herself be ignored?

Those fleas are cute. That's about that for that. I'd ride one into battle. Fuck the Alps, fuck the Roman Republic. And then cuddle tupper after sacking the city.

And she's wise to be cautious. I'll say yes. I'd like to hear your account from her perspective now. Entertain us.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 27, 2019, 07:01:04 PM
Mh, Alice started typing but half way was like fuck it, don't wanna post.
She's been generally unenthusiastic (https://imgoat.com/uploads/91d584fced/207800.jpg) for a while now having lost her initial craving for adventure.
So I guess I'll have to sum it up, maybe she'll post something short in the next days.

You bet she was concerned. She says she often feels like a parent having to keep a dreamy child from running before a truck. Pretty accurate (https://www.invidio.us/watch?v=z_L8aI8ldCY).
Hard to say about who remembers what, our thoughts and memories often mix and the brain is great in forming a coherent story out of dream fragments afterwards. She remembers telling me to go home but didn't realize it was a dream. It was like observing me IRL. Nothing about the lucid part. There's only one dream where we really managed to interact with each other and at least tupper had good control over what was going on, that was awesome. Not for the poor dream characters involved though. Alice invaded their home, ate their food and threw their pets over the fence. I was like wait you can't do that but she insisted this was a dream so you can. Man, one day I need to draw this.

Regarding walking, usually we walk together talking and holding hands but not for meditation. Then her job is just to knock me out of daydreaming, or talking to myself or her. So it's rather her telling me to shut up than the other way round
unthinkable insolence anyway
We did train this tug-of-war style, once Alice is active and worked up I can't ignore or silence her. May take a bit but she can break through. Very proud of that.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/91d584fced/207841.jpg)

It's much harder with possession though, on good days she can stop or override my movements but not consistently. So still lots of work there.

Meditation was a little better today after a bad start again, tupper had to interfere a lot to remind me I was supposed to not think about anything.
Practiced dancing for about 45min, hadn't done that for a while, always fun.
No wonderland stuff until now, will try before going to sleep.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 28, 2019, 06:00:02 PM
Fell asleep soon, not even great hypnagogic hallucinations. Did manage to train touching surfaces a bit.

Had another interesting tupper-related dream, neither lucid nor with direct tupper participation though.
Hidden text
I was on a bus tour in Asia the bus also flew in between or was some sort of cable-car but that's another matter. Very good visuals though. Some family members were there but also people I seemed to know yet no idea who they are, mixture of different persons probably. Also apparently I had been on this tour before because as we went to see some underground temple - which looked more like a coptic church in a cave I insisted we would drive by as the temple was closed. To my surprise the bus stopped and we exited it rather like a tank. Exploring the cave I noticed I didn't have my camera and went back but it wasn't in the bus. A young Asian couple I seemed to know said that Alice had the camera. I was relieved it wasn't lost though I wasn't completely convinced that tupper could actually have my camera because tupper is tupper. But as usual I was just dumb enough not to realize it was a dream. Goddamnit!
Anyway, searching Alice I stumbled into a prayer room where lots of monks were meditating and made an awful lot of noise. Everyone looked at me, so embarrassing...
Alice also came through the door, indeed carrying the camera on a strap over her shoulder. Rolling her eyes with the attitude of a teenager being annoyed with her uncool parents before dragging me away.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/91d584fced/207844.jpg)

Sigh, my usual role. Embarrassing parent or annoying child.
Not sure what happened after that, I really need to write this stuff down as soon as I wake up.

Today was rather busy, meditation was even more awful than usual. Did some wonderland stuff, more is to come now. As I gotta go to sleep early hopefully it'll work better than yesterday.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 29, 2019, 06:00:07 PM
Eh, not really, fell asleep again, didn't remember any dreams either.
But meditation was way better today, walked around for more than an hour. Focus deteriorated towards the end but midway things went really well and Alice made sure I didn't even think about thinking of anything.

Yet I did forget about her when interesting university stuff happened earlier. And somehow she's too tired to get through most of the time as well. Not a good combination. Moved wonderland session to early evening as doing it before bed rarely works, was ok but not overly interesting. Cats were even more annoying than usual until they finally went outside. I'll blame everything on them.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on March 30, 2019, 05:00:05 PM
Spent most of the day outside hiking through the woods.
Both meditating and imposing tupper. Was ok but not great. Alice says I'm in terrible shape and must exercise much more, wish she'd just do it as well. But possession and actual strength still don't go together well. Another really important thing to work on.

Wonderland activity was a bit dull, just couldn't get into it. We walked around and looked at everything, touched stuff but it remained even more pale as usual. Ah well, better than no practice at all.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 03, 2019, 05:00:03 PM
Strange stuff happened.
Woke up early and thought trying to force while falling back asleep might be a good idea. It wasn't. Among strong hypnagogic effects tupper split into different persons - I couldn't see them but they acted noticeably different from gloomy to cheerful. At least 3.
As we live in a monotheistic society such things cannot be permitted and I tried my best to merge them into one Alice again, which surprisingly worked as tupper got herself together. Even more interesting, she felt really well afterwards having been in a gloomy mood lately. It seems she absorbed the cheerful part in wonderland and felt 'whole' again.
We're both not sure about the entire thing as it happened as we drifted into a dream at some point which as usual made no sense whatsoever.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/1d10e7bafa/208843.jpg)

Anyway, tuppers - they always manage to surprise you and themselves
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 12, 2019, 05:00:02 PM
More extremely weird but amusing dreams.
Hidden text
One was watching a documentary on a stereotypical Jesus demonstrating how to stab people with a dagger on Lara Croft who was showing the correct use of body armor to prevent injury. I was like yeah that totally makes sense, I have this armor too. Why? We just don't know. Dreams man...

2nd was even better. I was at a secret research facility breeding HR. Giger's Aliens from chickens. In the back yard. Needless to say they frequently escaped and I even found a Raccoon in the chicken coop. Clearly security was off. So we - not sure if with tupper, were like fuck it and decided to burn down / blow up the whole facility for 'safety reasons', spreading fertilizer bags and flammable liquids everywhere. Then for whatever reason, probably to get the other scientists out, went to check the laboratories which looked more like some Soviet installation with pale green doors and brown plastic floor. Classic horror movie setting and I somewhat expected Aliens to pop out from somewhere but Alice was as unimpressed as always. We already had such dreams at least twice, Alien attack is to be expected, call tupper for help and hide behind little girl who is busy doing something else like reading and is like call me when the Ayyliens actually attack and don't bother me in the mean time. Not helping at all. Imagine my confusion, why isn't she taking the threat seriously? If not for you at least it's dangerous for me!
Spent an eternity fiddling with an electronic lock on a door that rather seemed to work like a toddler's toy where you need to fit blocks if different shapes into the right holes but I was too stupid to figure it out and eventually woke up. Man, that was really pointless.

It's said that 2/3 of all dreams have some negative connotation, luckily I can't say that for me at all. I used to have terrifying nightmares as a kid but that ceased completely as an adult. My dreams are between boring and hilarious,  mostly like watching a movie. Sometimes exhausting but almost never scary or threatening. Can't remember when I really had a nightmare for the last time. Probably one of the benefits of a completely stress-free life.

Apart from that meditation still sucks, dancing briefly yielded good visualization today after a bad start. But only for a short time. Alice is still meh and can't decide what she wants to do. Only what she doens't want to / what I am not supposed to do.

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/b163727917/210414.jpg)
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 19, 2019, 05:00:03 PM
Happy 4 / 20

(https://upload.vaa.red/i/2nnyZG.jpeg)

We watchend the Easter full moon rise at sundown, very pretty. It's finally warm enough to be outside even in the evening and everything is green and in bloom. We spent a lot of time outside meditating, enjoying nature and tupper even helped to change wheels of the car with adorable autism making sure all valves are in the same position. Possession has gotten stronger though tightening screws with full force still throws her out. Any sort of strong physical feedback does. But light movements requiring little strength work well now.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 20, 2019, 05:00:03 PM
Alice made me attend Easter Vigil as we passed by a small church on our way home, seeing the people with candles standing outside around an Easter Bonfire. I rather wanted to go home but I admit it was neat and tupper constantly made remarks on how the Priest was right lecturing people to abstain from earthly pleasures which only represent death and seek salvation in the Lord. The Lord and Savior being tupper of course.

>when you're celebrating Hitler's 130th birthday with an imaginary loli in your head - in church while she is assuming the role of God

#Just Tulpa Things

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/534b76d325/211355.jpg)
Title: Re: Today is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 25, 2019, 09:00:03 AM
Aaand...it's this day again!
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: ChrisBel on April 27, 2019, 04:43:41 AM
What day is that, Bernd? Is it *drumroll* Alice Day? haha
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Bernd on April 29, 2019, 05:00:52 PM
Aaand...it's this day again!

What day is that, Bernd? Is it *drumroll* Alice Day? haha

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/79d472a848/212283.png)

(https://imgoat.com/uploads/79d472a848/212284.gif)

Pls stay in your role Mr. Bot, no humanposting!

Had another series of strange dreams this morning, one was like watching a documentary of some niggers building a dam against flooding (why), but another was so realistic I got scolded by tupper for doing stupid stuff once again.
Hidden text
This time I was at a science & engineering lesson at school and we were building a small rocket. It didn't look much like it, more like a copper frame similar to the moon lander. For some reason I thought in was a good idea to break off the tips of its legs when no one was around. It honestly felt like I was helping and that was the right thing to do.
When I somehow realized this wasn't the smartest move I pulled a Leonard Nimoy (https://www.invidio.us/watch?v=szep60caDA4&list=PLHPWPqcWOmfXLdPJrPpyIlwyYaO1LZdzp) and GTFO.
This is when Alice appeared in mindvoilce like in last dream calling me an idiot for always acting before thinking and 'helping' people who didn't ask for help. Something I don't really do IRL. At least I hope. The dream indeed continued with me trying to get something out of my car which was in a park at night. Apparently I pondered whether I could just go back pretending nothing had happened or whether it would be better to leave the country. Sadly no more tupper appearances and I don't really remember where things went from there, the dream was a mess. Had some very clear visuals though.
Title: Re: Every Day is Alice Day
Post by: Nele on May 02, 2019, 07:40:05 AM
I have not posted anything for a while. Some years actually.
So I guess I am the mod here now.
I wasn't too keen on the idea when my host sort of dragged me into this but I admit I'm somewhat proud now. The first job ever given to me. I'll see what I can do.

Other than that, I got to keep my host from procrastinating university work now. He never changes...