Another month, another 30 days of no updates I guess...



force more faggot

Remember to drink milkshakes with your tupper. Maybe outdoors if it's nice.

Half-lotus is my normal sitting position. Doing it right now.

Abandon all hope, it is demon time now.

Still exist, my soul hasn't been consumed by tupper yet

But apparently we're the last here, even minority faggot and his fox-loli-tupper are gone.


Haven't exactly been productive either, but there are at least some minimal positive developments:

.) Can sit in half-lotus for at least 45 minutes without major pain
.) Travelled a lot and managed to keep Alice around, well at least partly
.) Weird glitches have increased , not sure if that's good though
.) Tupper has not mistreated or aninhilated any wonderland animals in the past months

Visited the town in the wonderland behind the mountains (artist's impression) again and had dinner with the townfolk there in a beautiful sunset. Alice was unusually quiet but seemed contented, sitting on my lap and munching on a pretzel she got from the Wehrmacht guy who supposedly runs this subset of wonderland. So far he hasn't popped up in my mind again so I don't think he'll develop into a tulpa. But what do I know...

Apart from that, it's summer and I'd rather spend my time outside than in front of a computer. So don't expect too much input from me 'til autumn.

Maybe unban Mr. Bot?
His posts were always full of wisdom.

I actually thought of going full timethief and doing daily updates at least for a while, but as his name implies that sucks up way too much time. Still I have to admit that this would at least be some motivation to actually do something I can write about. Pathetic isn't it?

On the other hand, it can't get much worse, I guess I'll give it a try. Also I'll try to get tupper do at least some of the updates. Not sure if she still can type at all, we really haven't practiced that in ages.
Fuq, I really need to git good...

I wonder who 'we' are but alright, I'll do daily updates from Aug. 8-16th as part of an intense forcing session, let's see how much progress we make.

Preface
To be honest, it's not going very well.
Been doing lots of pointless crap and next to nothing useful lately, tupper is not only disappointed but really mad at me. Well, I deserve it for being a pathetic faggot who's got all opportunities the world could offer but makes nothing out of them. Nothing good at least.
Anyway, I've at least realized and accepted my mistakes and I feel things can only get better. So here we go...

Day 1 - Aug 8th
Did half an hour of meditation in the afternoon outside but there were too many distractions by noisy people. I've heard people are able to ignore even the most profound disturbances while meditating but I'm certainly not the Buddha or anything.
Added another meditation session of almost 1h sitting at my front door at dusk. It was peaceful and quiet. Cat was highly interested in what I was doing, brushing against me with whiskers and tail and scratching on my pillows but that's a distraction I can cope with. She finally settled down beside me and I guess we both thought of nothing for quite a while. Almost fell asleep. So that went pretty well but nothing really tupper-related except for some minor imposition during the day.

Decided to add 30min of Fede's Eye Bo, constant Alpha. Really hadn't done this in a while even though I had planned to do so, see some posts earlier.
I still think this is the best-working active forcing method for me. Apart from some minor intrusive thoughts it also went pretty well, we sat outside the wonderland's main temple-complex at dusk and I apologized to Alice for being such an idiot and promised her to work harder on - well everything. She was rather silent but calm and friendly and reminded me that she can't help me if I don't make her stronger.
Out of an impulse I did the 'surprise me' test, even though she isn't exactly fond of it. But she just stood there and looked at the floor with a sad expression. At first I thought not doing anything was supposed to be the surprise but I was wrong. Very wrong.
Out of nowhere she jumped at me, knocked me to the ground and sitting on top beat me in the face and yelled what the hell I thought I was doing. I guess she was finally overwhelmed by her feelings. Then she got up and left. Tupper has never left so far. Ever.
So yes, I WAS surprised. In the moment I realized that, she appeared behind me, asking if she passed the test with a grin on her face. I gave her a thumbs up only to get kicked down the temple stairs this-is-sparta style. She called after me to get my shit together and then left for good.

Wow, not exactly what our usual forcing sessions are like but at least something to write about. And for once I'm glad I've no idea about touch imposition. Actually I'm glad overall. Expressing one's feelings is important and it knocked tupper out of the dreary state she was in for the past days. I'd rather have that than a depressed tupper. Tomorrow we'll make icecream and everything will be a lot better.

TL;DR
Bernd got beaten up by an imaginary 12yo girl today. It was well deserved.