Author Topic: Every Day is Alice Day  (Read 234143 times)

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #345 on: May 27, 2018, 09:00:12 PM »
Had another extremely weird Touhou dream this morning. Not really tupper related but still entertaining. Sort of.
Hidden text
I was in an ordinary but unrecognizable city that had been taken over by senior Touhous with the help of giant robots. I mean what else? Yukari was giving a speech and apparently they were holding a music festival and all humans disliking the music were forced to swallow some pills until they liked it. Wat.
I didn't think the music was bad and generally didn't really concern myself with the whole issue that seemed to take place in a distance. While walking down an avenue with lots of cars I noticed a large silvery van parked at the side. Even though I saw no one it was implied that the lunar invader trio was in there.
We're rather fond of them so I wanted to say hello. The back of the van was open and the fairy of hell was sitting in the trunk looking rather bored. Not knowing what to say I offered her a spoon full of yogurt I was carrying. While interested at first she quickly backed off, jumped out and went to sit on the sidewalk. She remained silent and generally behaved more like a cat than a girl, first rolling around on the ground and after another unsuccessful attempt to get her attention hid under a car. I was disappointed and confused and while I tried to convince her to come out, the van suddenly drove off. I waved and yelled but they didn't notice me. Fuck, now what? After somehow getting hold of the fairy, a black limousine full of mafia guys stopped next to me. Apparently they were my friends and I asked them for help saying something like:"This clown lost her parents, we need to go after them!" The fact that I was carrying a little girl in a clown outfit wasn't exactly boosting my credibility, literally pic related.



The mafia guys were like dude we don't wanna have anything to do with this and quickly drove off. I grew increasingly desperate realizing I had lured Clownpiece out of the van in the first place and was directly responsible for her getting lost. And the fact that her "parents" or rather master and friend were the Goddess of Hell and a vengeful spirit with severe anger issues wasn't actually encouraging. I was sure to at least go to jail for kidnapping. But all I had wanted was to make some friends! Truly Berndstyle.
I woke up really confused thinking how the hell I managed to fuck this up. Remember guys, not only is it bad to lure girls into a van, don't lure them out of one either. Even with the best intentions.
Alice just shook her head and rolled her eyes saying this was typical for me. And that she wasn't part of the dream. Too bad, it would have been way more fun for sure.

Not much else, was lazy today.
« Last Edit: December 25, 2019, 11:31:00 AM by Bernd »

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #346 on: June 03, 2018, 01:35:47 AM »
where's the progress

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #347 on: June 03, 2018, 05:00:17 PM »
Not much to expect since I always spread out my efforts on lots of different aspects.

Alice dragged me to church on Thursday for the Feast of Corpus Christi.
Well, actually she wanted to see the procession.
I was lazy and didn't wanna do anything but she was really excited and wanted to go downtown so of course we did. I admit it was kinda nice to blend in with the surprisingly large flock and walk through the city. Plus slow walking people are good templates for imposition practice. Hijacking religious festivities for Alice's sake indeed does have its charms.



Possession still sucks but I've noticed it helps to execute all movements with exaggerated strength to clarify who's doing what. It's scary what the body can do without any conscious intervention. Tried cooking while immersing myself in wonderland with Alice. We both tried to dissociate as much as possible. Body still ran on autopilot in servitor / zombie - mode without much sensory in- or output. I'm afraid that's what happens most of the time while I'm busy thinking of other stuff. Sounds convenient but it lessens all sensations and I fear I might end up as tulpa #2 at some point. Plus it creates fuck-ups like milk ending up in the stove and being completely zoned out just like Alice when I'm busy with a demanding task. So is this switching? Not with Alice, that's for sure. Just with a servitor managing basic routines. Probably. But what do I know? Time for some mindfulness exercises I guess.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #348 on: June 12, 2018, 07:00:03 PM »
Things haven't improved so far, still unfocused as hell. Tried to practice drawing but results were discouraging and I quickly got a headache. The list of things I wanna draw expands constantly but it doesn't look like I'll be able to do any of it anytime soon.

At least the weather was awesome with tropical heat and some great thunderstorms. We were hiking and tupper made me dive in an alpine river until I almost passed out from hypothermia. That was unusual, normally she's overly protective and keeps me from doing stuff



Is it possible to ignore the pain from ice-cold water? Partly.
Is this a good idea? Clearly no. Well it was shallow apart from some deeper pools so drowning would have been somewhat of a challenge but still nothing I wanna do again.
Unfortunately no auditory hallucinations from the bubbling water either, I have to see if I can get to that waterfall which produced the best results so far. Hopefully in summer.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #349 on: June 18, 2018, 05:00:02 PM »
Feel even more absent-minded than usual, meditation didn't work at all in the past days. No idea why, been busy with some monotonous work but that alone can't be it.

Anyway it gave rise to some interesting intrusive thought thing while I was half-heartedly trying to practice visualization in wonderland.
It was some ghost or reaper-like figure that looked kinda like Ghostface. He just stood in a stairway in my peripheral vision but when I noticed him charged at me at full speed. Kinda scary and unexpected.
Tupper moved between me and the ghost causing him to crash into her which had the same effect as running into a concrete wall. Then grabbed him by the coat and nonchalantly threw him out of a window.
Vid very related.
The whole scene was so absurd I burst into laughter which was the end of that forcing session. Ah well, sometimes even intrusive thoughts can be fun.

That aside tupper thinks I waste too much money on useless stuff and should work on earning more.
« Last Edit: December 25, 2019, 11:33:47 AM by Bernd »

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #350 on: June 20, 2018, 05:00:01 PM »
Things got a bit better, yesterday I forced myself to meditate for 45min in the park and while the first minutes were terrible, things improved considerably afterwards. As always once you get going things mostly work out for themselves. Tried to focus on the feeling in my individual fingers and toes but felt basically nothing. But even acknowledging their existence was enough to keep intrusive thoughts at bay.

Dancing was also really good, for once I've managed to keep practicing one simple thing instead of trying out countless new ones and thus never getting anywhere. As I'm lazy I haven't bothered to learn any new figures since fall but the ones we know we probably have practiced for about 50h straight now. Still not much but way more than the ominous 20h it apparently takes to learn the basics of any skill. However sensual feedback from Alice is still extremely close to zero. Changing holding left and right hands does give some minimal feeling but pushing and pulling me still does not. Nothing. There were a few moments but it's nothing consistent. Visualization is kinda good though it still is sort of feeling the position of my and her legs when looking down at them - with closed eyes. Coordination and orientation indeed did improve dramatically, can do this for 10min straight without ever opening my eyes and still don't crash into anything.
Except cat when she moves in the way.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #351 on: June 26, 2018, 06:00:03 PM »
Weird stuff happened.
I was talking on the phone, walking up and down through living room and hall and when I was done and wanted to go outside ran into the front door that was locked. As I never ever lock the door from inside and for once the cat isn't the main suspect either it means I must have unconsciously taken the key, lock the door and put the key back while I was busy on the phone. I have zero memories of any of that but it's the only feasible explanation. So I guess this is what switching must feel like when the host is completely out and has no memories of what happened. Except that tupper dindu nuffin. Kinda scary.
So much for mindfulness and acting more consciously. The second weird observation was that 3 years of training my visualization and imagination skills have lead to a point where imagined and real memories have become more or less equal. Not like swapping the memories of my mom with a cartoon horse like Fede, but tracing back whether I had actually locked the door or not, each version feels equally real the more I think about it. We had been training that with 'fake holidays' imagining a trip we could have taken some years ago and comparing that to memories from actual trips. Not much difference. Not that the imagination was so vivid, rather the actual memories fade quickly. Even our south sea expedition, it feels somewhat surreal that we've indeed really been there. Not sure what to make of this. Welp.



On a more positive note I've succeeded in making Alice do household chores. Or rather she did it on her own when I was too lazy to hang out laundry to dry. I went to wonderland and explored the inside of the cathedral Santa Maria del Fiore, imagining to walk along the narrow rims high up in the cupola without falling down. That was captivating enough to keep me from interfering with tupper's real life movements. So that worked out well. Doing something exciting in wonderland does seem to work better than just trying to remain passive. At least for non-critical applications. Maybe not the best idea for dynamic shooting practice.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #352 on: July 01, 2018, 08:00:02 PM »
Tupper is kind, going out of her way to make me save an earthworm struggling on the sidewalk or a moth flapping against the window. As much as she hates people behaving like idiots, she'd always help those who got in trouble through no fault of their own.
I'm such a proud parent...
Still she has some deep disdain towards all biological life as being 'gross' and terribly vulnerable. Seeing lifeforms suffer and die so easily must be strange for a tupper that's indestructible within her world.

Little time for active forcing at the moment, Alice insists on reorganizing my finances.

No progress on becoming less absent-minded.
>fill dishwasher while debating with tupper
>cat meows for food
>continue talking
>serve cat a dishwasher tablet on a plate
>cat mad
>tupper mad
>mfw

« Last Edit: December 25, 2019, 11:40:10 AM by Bernd »

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #353 on: July 05, 2018, 05:00:02 PM »
>when tupper goes over your finances and demonstrates that within the past 10 years you've lost over 200K due to mismanagement and procrastination and wasted another 50K on useless shit.



So far rearranging my life into something more productive has brought quite some success but it's painfully slow. Just like everything. Other stuff hasn't worked out at all. Like Alice complaining I should try to make new friends but then turns down every acquaintance as an unacceptable retard that should be swiftly executed. Or pressing me to find a serious job but can't even remotely name one she'd deem worthy.

We're not picky at all. Not in the least!

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #354 on: July 08, 2018, 05:00:02 PM »
Yet another interesting dream with tupper participation. And boy, did she participate.

Hidden text
It started off harmless, I was visiting a friend from school. We were kids and playing vidya in his huge house which I then went to explore on my own. He had a sort of stable with a full sized elephant and a giraffe and the elephant snatched food from his mother as she was trying to cook in the kitchen. Wat.

Things changed dramatically as I explored more rooms and the setting became a Resident Evil like FPS with zombies and monsters. A shitty FPS with a terrible lag of about 2sec. Apparently everything was now from Alice's perspective although it remained unclear whether it was truly her dream or I was just Alice in my dream. So I'll use 'we' here. One strong indicator of tupper presence was that the whole thing was very much like playing vidya and nothing like a nightmare. Monsters kept coming, we mainly struggled with the shitty control but it wasn't scary. One frequent problem I encounter in dreams is my complete inability to fight. Punches have zero power and no effect. This time it started similar but due to Alice's influence we got the hang of it and after a few strikes with her sword little remained of the opponent. It was also possible to create some decent explosions upon contact but that somehow took several seconds to prepare. Again shitty game mechanics.
Monsters disappeared and were replaced by overly happy scientology tier people that ran around like zombies but did no harm. Entering some kind of war-room lead to a movie-like cut-scene in which we met the perpetrator of the whole incident, an elderly scientist lady and her staff of geneticists. She explained to us that she made these monsters from humans and showed us the process of DNA-recombination and insertion on a big touch-screen table, moving around DNA fragments with her hand. The whole scene was really detailed and could have been from some James Bond movie where the villains go out of their way to explain their elaborate masterplan. Alice and me were two separate beings again and we listened to the sermon because why not. It dawned to me that the whole thing was absolute bullshit and at least partly realized I must be dreaming but it didn't stick. Anyway we were told the monsters would permanently mutate until they'd transform back into human form as the uber-cheerful cultists we had met earlier. This was her plan to create a New World.

Uh-oh, that sounded familiar and was a clear sign to move out of the way...
Indeed Alice calmly responded that she were to create a New World as well and that these idiots would not be part of it, punched out the old lady and killed everyone in a giant explosion. A bit extreme for my taste but effective.

Scenes now randomly changed between Alice's perspective and being separate again. Tupper being tupper immediately began a cleanup operation and started burning the remaining lab equipment which came in piles of gray boxes and other boring items in what was now a crater-ridden ruin.



However creating flames to set the stuff on fire just didn't work. We had a barbecue the day before where the fire wouldn't start as well so that probably ended up in the dream. In the end she had to resort to using gasoline to get the fire started- how humiliating - but even this didn't really do any damage. To make things even worse, people slowly started looting the equipment as soon as you turned your back on them like a bunch of niggers. After some unsuccessful attempts to shoo them away Alice set one guy on fire and this time it worked really well turning him into a torch like one of these self-immolating Tibetan monks. She did however 'repair' him after he learned his lesson by placing her hand on his head which turned him from crispy chicken back to normal. To be a bit more constructive she also healed some elderly man that seemed lost but he was like not sure if want and still remained very confused. At some point amidst trying to get rid of the seemingly indestructible boxes I finally woke up.
Wew, that was weird. I'm glad such amount of fighting and violence is very rare. Usually my dreams are really tame.
« Last Edit: July 08, 2018, 05:42:54 PM by Bernd »

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #355 on: July 15, 2018, 05:00:02 PM »
No real progress to report.
Alice still goes inactive in most demanding situations that require my full attention, which annoys both of us afterwards. One interesting observation is that even though it's said that tuppers gradually deviate from their hosts, I feel more like I strongly deviated towards tupper. Which has both positive and negative implications on my life.

Good:
I've become physically and mentally stronger, far less afraid and generally don't give a fuck while at the same time am much more focused on displaying a flawlessly correct behavior. Not for others but for myself.

Bad:
I definitely have become more tupper-like including a feeling of disconnectedness from the body's senses. Everything feels less real and more like a dream. Kind of how I imagine a tulpa experiences the world. Not sure how to deal with this yet, I certainly don't like it. Especially as Alice has not managed to fill my place in the same way.



Though we've become more similar, tupper still has a strong mind of her own and a lot of different opinions and it's kind of fun to argue with her. Every now and then some slight doubts about her autonomy creep in, but not for long when tupper is just nope.jpg

So generally we're good though there still is a lot of stuff that needs to be fixed. More than I want to realize.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #356 on: July 16, 2018, 11:49:03 AM »
Just like how a tupper has to immerse themselves in the body's senses, you gotta do the same when you possess. Relearn if you forgot you dumdum.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #357 on: July 18, 2018, 05:00:02 PM »
Yeah great!
That's the kind of stuff they don't tell you in the guides.


Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #358 on: July 24, 2018, 05:00:03 PM »
Wew, that pic is more exploitable than I had anticipated. I present - every tupper story in a nutshell



Anyway, Forum's back up, time to start another week of daily updates.

Tue, Jul24th
Alice succesfully kept me from buying unnecessary expensive stuff I neither need nor really want but that's still kinda cool. Lots of eerily realistic nagging and complaining and finally simply pushing me along and making me forget the whole thing. Can't say tupper is not realistic. Good job!

30min of meditation in the park, was mediocre. Still lots of intrusive thoughts from issue above. Feel calmer now so off for some wonderland stuff, we haven't really done anything there in a while. I want to work on the whole re-immersion stuff and see if both me and Alice can increase sensations in the coming days.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #359 on: July 25, 2018, 05:00:02 PM »
Wed, Jul25th
Fell asleep soon, not much wonderland stuff.

Went swimming today, water in the Eisbach lived up to its name, cold but refreshing. Managed to keep Alice around, was fun. Still sucks I have to practice immersion / mindfulness for myself instead of tupper. Practiced imposition of Alice walking up and down stairs, imagining which foot steps on which stair is more difficult than I thought.

30min of dancing in the evening with focus on Alice's hands, still nothing more than the faintest touch imposition in the best moments. Couldn't get myself to any closed-eye stuff in the marvelous weather, I'll try now before going to sleep but expect similar results as yesterday.