Author Topic: Every Day is Alice Day  (Read 128093 times)

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #360 on: May 15, 2018, 06:00:02 PM »
Tuppers can't hit you when they're not active.



But there will be a lot of similar, no - even better opportunities in the coming days, I'll report on how things went. Also I'll do another week of daily updates next week.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #361 on: May 18, 2018, 07:00:02 AM »
Heh, had an awesome lucid dream.
I was inside some Italian style building with dark furniture and terracotta floor. At some point I realized I had been strangely bobbing around in the air and slowly floating down to the ground which was fun. Did it again several times until I was at least partly convinced this was a dream. Knelt down on the floor and felt the texture of the terracotta tiles and then remembered it might be a good idea to summon tupper. At first just imagining her to be there didn't work as often before but then something strange happened. Her fingers began to materialize under my hand, gradually from the tips and then the entire arm. In a weird polka-dot clothing but still clearly tupper. The clarity and realism was incredible. Guess I believed I had somehow perfected imposition and was really happy because not only was stuff looking great, it was also happening completely on its own.
You have to imagine the scene, I was on all fours on the floor while calling out a girl's name over and over again in an euphoric state. God thing this really was a dream otherwise I'd be off to the funny farm. Unfortunately when Alice had materialized halfway I woke up but it still was incredible. We even briefly managed to re-enter the dream again but the everything faded and I got up. Still one of the best tuppering experiences evar. Quality was excellent and tupper did stuff on her own.



The key appears to have been intense interesting activity with little sleep in the past days which triggered lots of hypnagogic hallucinations and vivid dreams.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #362 on: May 22, 2018, 07:01:05 PM »
Man, I managed to get up early lately but the price is being dead tired in the evening.
So here we go with daily updates.

I had been shooting with tupper a while ago but it was not well received.



She found it a waste of time and money and generally didn't like the place and its strict rules.
As with little children and novel food they say it takes several attempts to get used to it.
So we went to Eastern Europe over the weekend for the real deal at a military shooting range. And voilà:



It was a great trip, the surrounding nature was beautiful, based people that even Alice found pleasant and we had a candlelight dinner with cake. Imposition was decent, tupper was happy. Good times. Talking with each other feels completely natural, it's not easy to keep myself from talking or gesturing to her in public. But so far no spaghetti.

Shooting itself was a bit hard for Alice as there were lots of people waiting and acting like a retard while holding a gun is not the best idea.
So can tupper operate portable full-auto firearms?
Clearly no, that's way too dangerous for someone with limited control over the body and challenging even for me having shitty shooting skills. Her possession isn't even strong enough to hold anything other than a small handgun. But she can fire such and bench-rested semi-auto rifles pretty reliably if recoil is low and she can take her time. Not that she's overly fond of shooting now but if the surroundings are fine she's never shy of practicing skills.

Unexpectedly Alice had zero issues with tripod mounted heavy machine-guns in .50 BMG or 12.7×108 mm. But then again you only got to depress the trigger with your thumbs, literally any kid / tupper can do that. No weight to carry, no recoil for the operator.
Definitely her favorite. Not only for the fancy cartridges, also because it goes boom and seriously fucks up everything you even remotely hit. Would set up in garden if it were allowed.
Well, that was another fun thing I probably never would have done on my own.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #363 on: May 23, 2018, 09:00:03 PM »
30min meditation in the afternoon, focus was meh.
30min active forcing in wonderland in the evening, haven't done this in a while. Visualization was ok, fell asleep during the end.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #364 on: May 24, 2018, 05:00:03 PM »
Filehost is having some trouble and certificate is expired. So if you can't see any of my precious images you need to add a certificate exception for https://imgoat.com

Tried having tupper reassemble the lawnmower with a wrench. Possession was strong enough to tighten screws but that only lasted for less than a minute. Really exhausting. 1h of dancing in the evening, that was gud. Now for a bit of wonderlanding before going to sleep.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #365 on: May 25, 2018, 05:00:03 PM »
mfw bots are flooding the forum with their wisdom but will never post in my diary.
Why live?

Late night wonderland session wasn't very productive, fell asleep soon.
Magaged to keep Alice at least partly around and imposed while meeting some interesting people though it was on-and-off. Still gotta work on that. Especially situations where people unexpectedly talk to me are pure tupper poison.
 Even more so if among said people are tupper-sized girls. Extensive studies on real-life reference material had to be done. They were kind but hyperactive. I feel old and emotionally drained.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #366 on: May 26, 2018, 06:30:02 PM »
Went urban exploring today. There's a large sort-of wilderness relatively close to where I live. It's a former military installation, off-limits to the public and secured by a fence but noticing a large hole we decided to go in and take a look. I've known this place for all my life but never actually went deeper inside that place. A mistake, it was beautiful.



Forests and meadows and some small crumbling buildings, everything overgrown with nature. Startled a group of foxes and even a boar as well as lots of birds. Meaning they lazily walked off a bit.
We wandered around there for like 2h, ridiculously careful in order not to be caught though I'm sure there is no one guarding the place, let alone on a Saturday evening. Still was kinda exciting. Sat down to meditate and due to the evening chorus of birds it felt more like a tropical jungle than Bavaria. Alice liked it a lot so we'll probably be back soon.

More dancing and a bit of wonderland forcing in the evening but nothing unusual to talk about.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #367 on: May 27, 2018, 09:00:12 PM »
Had another extremely weird Touhou dream this morning. Not really tupper related but still entertaining. Sort of.
Hidden text
I was in an ordinary but unrecognizable city that had been taken over by senior Touhous with the help of giant robots. I mean what else? Yukari was giving a speech and apparently they were holding a music festival and all humans disliking the music were forced to swallow some pills until they liked it. Wat.
I didn't think the music was bad and generally didn't really concern myself with the whole issue that seemed to take place in a distance. While walking down an avenue with lots of cars I noticed a large silvery van parked at the side. Even though I saw no one it was implied that the lunar invader trio was in there.
We're rather fond of them so I wanted to say hello. The back of the van was open and the fairy of hell was sitting in the trunk looking rather bored. Not knowing what to say I offered her a spoon full of yogurt I was carrying. While interested at first she quickly backed off, jumped out and went to sit on the sidewalk. She remained silent and generally behaved more like a cat than a girl, first rolling around on the ground and after another unsuccessful attempt to get her attention hid under a car. I was disappointed and confused and while I tried to convince her to come out, the van suddenly drove off. I waved and yelled but they didn't notice me. Fuck, now what? After somehow getting hold of the fairy, a black limousine full of mafia guys stopped next to me. Apparently they were my friends and I asked them for help saying something like:"This clown lost her parents, we need to go after them!" The fact that I was carrying a little girl in a clown outfit wasn't exactly boosting my credibility, literally pic related.



The mafia guys were like dude we don't wanna have anything to do with this and quickly drove off. I grew increasingly desperate realizing I had lured Clownpiece out of the van in the first place and was directly responsible for her getting lost. And the fact that her "parents" or rather master and friend were the Goddess of Hell and a vengeful spirit with severe anger issues wasn't actually encouraging. I was sure to at least go to jail for kidnapping. But all I had wanted was to make some friends! Truly Berndstyle.
I woke up really confused thinking how the hell I managed to fuck this up. Remember guys, not only is it bad to lure girls into a van, don't lure them out of one either. Even with the best intentions.
Alice just shook her head and rolled her eyes saying this was typical for me. And that she wasn't part of the dream. Too bad, it would have been way more fun for sure.

Not much else, was lazy today.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #368 on: June 03, 2018, 01:35:47 AM »
where's the progress

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #369 on: June 03, 2018, 05:00:17 PM »
Not much to expect since I always spread out my efforts on lots of different aspects.

Alice dragged me to church on Thursday for the Feast of Corpus Christi.
Well, actually she wanted to see the procession.
I was lazy and didn't wanna do anything but she was really excited and wanted to go downtown so of course we did. I admit it was kinda nice to blend in with the surprisingly large flock and walk through the city. Plus slow walking people are good templates for imposition practice. Hijacking religious festivities for Alice's sake indeed does have its charms.



Possession still sucks but I've noticed it helps to execute all movements with exaggerated strength to clarify who's doing what. It's scary what the body can do without any conscious intervention. Tried cooking while immersing myself in wonderland with Alice. We both tried to dissociate as much as possible. Body still ran on autopilot in servitor / zombie - mode without much sensory in- or output. I'm afraid that's what happens most of the time while I'm busy thinking of other stuff. Sounds convenient but it lessens all sensations and I fear I might end up as tulpa #2 at some point. Plus it creates fuck-ups like milk ending up in the stove and being completely zoned out just like Alice when I'm busy with a demanding task. So is this switching? Not with Alice, that's for sure. Just with a servitor managing basic routines. Probably. But what do I know? Time for some mindfulness exercises I guess.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #370 on: June 12, 2018, 07:00:03 PM »
Things haven't improved so far, still unfocused as hell. Tried to practice drawing but results were discouraging and I quickly got a headache. The list of things I wanna draw expands constantly but it doesn't look like I'll be able to do any of it anytime soon.

At least the weather was awesome with tropical heat and some great thunderstorms. We were hiking and tupper made me dive in an alpine river until I almost passed out from hypothermia. That was unusual, normally she's overly protective and keeps me from doing stuff



Is it possible to ignore the pain from ice-cold water? Partly.
Is this a good idea? Clearly no. Well it was shallow apart from some deeper pools so drowning would have been somewhat of a challenge but still nothing I wanna do again.
Unfortunately no auditory hallucinations from the bubbling water either, I have to see if I can get to that waterfall which produced the best results so far. Hopefully in summer.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #371 on: June 18, 2018, 05:00:02 PM »
Feel even more absent-minded than usual, meditation didn't work at all in the past days. No idea why, been busy with some monotonous work but that alone can't be it.

Anyway it gave rise to some interesting intrusive thought thing while I was half-heartedly trying to practice visualization in wonderland.
It was some ghost or reaper-like figure that looked kinda like Ghostface. He just stood in a stairway in my peripheral vision but when I noticed him charged at me at full speed. Kinda scary and unexpected.
Tupper moved between me and the ghost causing him to crash into her which had the same effect as running into a concrete wall. Then grabbed him by the coat and nonchalantly threw him out of a window.
Vid very related.
The whole scene was so absurd I burst into laughter which was the end of that forcing session. Ah well, sometimes even intrusive thoughts can be fun.

That aside tupper thinks I waste too much money on useless stuff and should work on earning more.
« Last Edit: October 16, 2018, 04:36:12 PM by Bernd »

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #372 on: June 20, 2018, 05:00:01 PM »
Things got a bit better, yesterday I forced myself to meditate for 45min in the park and while the first minutes were terrible, things improved considerably afterwards. As always once you get going things mostly work out for themselves. Tried to focus on the feeling in my individual fingers and toes but felt basically nothing. But even acknowledging their existence was enough to keep intrusive thoughts at bay.

Dancing was also really good, for once I've managed to keep practicing one simple thing instead of trying out countless new ones and thus never getting anywhere. As I'm lazy I haven't bothered to learn any new figures since fall but the ones we know we probably have practiced for about 50h straight now. Still not much but way more than the ominous 20h it apparently takes to learn the basics of any skill. However sensual feedback from Alice is still extremely close to zero. Changing holding left and right hands does give some minimal feeling but pushing and pulling me still does not. Nothing. There were a few moments but it's nothing consistent. Visualization is kinda good though it still is sort of feeling the position of my and her legs when looking down at them - with closed eyes. Coordination and orientation indeed did improve dramatically, can do this for 10min straight without ever opening my eyes and still don't crash into anything.
Except cat when she moves in the way.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #373 on: June 26, 2018, 06:00:03 PM »
Weird stuff happened.
I was talking on the phone, walking up and down through living room and hall and when I was done and wanted to go outside ran into the front door that was locked. As I never ever lock the door from inside and for once the cat isn't the main suspect either it means I must have unconsciously taken the key, lock the door and put the key back while I was busy on the phone. I have zero memories of any of that but it's the only feasible explanation. So I guess this is what switching must feel like when the host is completely out and has no memories of what happened. Except that tupper dindu nuffin. Kinda scary.
So much for mindfulness and acting more consciously. The second weird observation was that 3 years of training my visualization and imagination skills have lead to a point where imagined and real memories have become more or less equal. Not like swapping the memories of my mom with a cartoon horse like Fede, but tracing back whether I had actually locked the door or not, each version feels equally real the more I think about it. We had been training that with 'fake holidays' imagining a trip we could have taken some years ago and comparing that to memories from actual trips. Not much difference. Not that the imagination was so vivid, rather the actual memories fade quickly. Even our south sea expedition, it feels somewhat surreal that we've indeed really been there. Not sure what to make of this. Welp.



On a more positive note I've succeeded in making Alice do household chores. Or rather she did it on her own when I was too lazy to hang out laundry to dry. I went to wonderland and explored the inside of the cathedral Santa Maria del Fiore, imagining to walk along the narrow rims high up in the cupola without falling down. That was captivating enough to keep me from interfering with tupper's real life movements. So that worked out well. Doing something exciting in wonderland does seem to work better than just trying to remain passive. At least for non-critical applications. Maybe not the best idea for dynamic shooting practice.

Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Reply #374 on: July 01, 2018, 08:00:02 PM »
Tupper is kind, going out of her way to make me save an earthworm struggling on the sidewalk or a moth flapping against the window. As much as she hates people behaving like idiots, she'd always help those who got in trouble through no fault of their own.
I'm such a proud parent...
Still she has some deep disdain towards all biological life as being 'gross' and terribly vulnerable. Seeing lifeforms suffer and die so easily must be strange for a tupper that's indestructible within her world.

Little time for active forcing at the moment, Alice insists on reorganizing my finances.

No progress on becoming less absent-minded.
>fill dishwasher while debating with tupper
>cat meows for food
>continue talking
>serve cat a dishwasher tablet on a plate
>cat mad
>tupper mad
>mfw