Tulpa Network
Tulpas => Tulpa Diaries => Topic started by: TulpaCouple on September 25, 2013, 12:50:26 AM
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Let's see if this time I can keep a progress thread updated relatively often!
A bit of an intro here, I've been forcing for a year--nearly a year and a half now. I have two tulpas, Jaden and Giselle. Both are small quadruped animals of their own design. Through a lot of set backs and difficulties we have managed to come very far in imposition. At this point I would say we are finished with imposing presence and touch (including warmth, weight, etc) while sight and sound still need some work. Some days they will be fully imposed the whole day while other days they will be faded and will take some dedicated forcing to 'work our way back up to it'. More often than not they stay imposed when I am smart enough to not worry about it to much. Reading together, watching a movie, hanging out at work, these are times when they are there without question. But if I were to look Jaden in the face and try to stare at him directly for a long period of time, he tends to fade or I accidentally stare right through him. There have been times when we would have a long conversation that gets interrupted by my accidental 'spot checking' that just destroys the whole illusion all together. Very frustrating.
Giselle brought up the fact that we never really worked too hard on smelling imposition--They have a scent but I guess it's not as solid as it could be. She mentioned that since smell is often linked to memory that perhaps getting that solidified will help keep the rest of the imposition work stable. We'll see what happens I guess.
This log will basically document experiments in imposition(and keeping it stable) as well as just going over the ups and downs of life with tulpas. We will probably discuss lucid dreaming and how it relates to them as well, as that has been something we have been working at recently.
If Nate, my fiance, decides to post, I'll probably have him make a sub-account for him as well. His tulpas already have them available if they choose to use them, but they are rather private individuals, so we'll see where that goes.
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Actually I'm going to add my own addition to today's entry. Today was a real shitty day for Kate at work, she woke up with a blinding migraine and it never left until around 8 this evening. She ended up going home early from work and taking a nap. When she woke up we forced for a while and decided that we would attempt to at least sort of switch--Me taking the lead while she kind of backs off and dissociates herself from the body as best she can. I already have trouble feeling the body itself so it worked out in our favor as I didn't feel the migraine as painfully as she had been. I ended up taking care of the major responsibilities of the evening and assisted Nate in cooking dinner.
It was an interesting experience to say the least. I'm not too fond of possession really, but if we hadn't done it we probably wouldn't have gotten much done today, so there was that.
As far as imposition practice goes, we got none of that done today. This was the first migraine I've really actively experienced, and even then I only really felt about half of it and it STILL was awful. Terrible pain in the ass.
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Finally someone working on imposition. Maybe we'll go there one day. I know, >implying I will stop being lazy. Hope you do keep us updated because progress reports are what will help people a ton when written well - and they'll help you too, if you ever want to write a guide or something and want to refresh your memory.
I found smell surprisingly easy, but I rarely smell the air around me, so it doesn't really stay for that long and then you gotta refresh that scent memory.
Gotta ask, you ever noticed weird things happening after you have been working on imposition this long? I did some of it ages ago and I dunno, have had some actual hallucinations I thought were real until I took a second look. Luckily nothing too crazy, but something that seemed plausible for a while. Not sure if I'd call it something dangerous yet, but I think this tupperforcing process and especially imposition just do something to you. All tupper communities always have the NOTHING COULD EVER GO WRONG AND NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN stance on forcing and imposition, so I'm sorta asking around and seeing if people have noticed something strange. Not necessarily dangerous, again, but just something strange.
Also, possession can be a lifesaver when you're sick or in pain. It's much easier to handle everything when you can sorta take a time out.
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As far as 'weird things' are concerned, you already see hallucinations. Usually something you think is a face or a person that is actually just a tree or something. We just brush it off very quickly. Same goes for audio hallucinations--hearing your name. Or have you ever been sure you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket, or were you sure a spider was crawling on you? These are actually full on hallucinations half the time, sometimes even with two aspects at once (ie Both hearing the vibrating phone and feeling it when it was not vibrating/not even in your pocket)
When I first started imposition I was constantly searching for hallucinations, so I found them. All of the above were more pronounced as I was purposely paying attention to them. Much like how we are more aware of hypnogogia than the average person despite it happening just as much, I think some might be more aware of just how faulty our eyesight actually is. There's actually a TED talk on hallucination--they were talking about how common they are, but how few people will mention them for fear of seeming insane. It's really very very interesting.
But aside from those common things, no. I haven't seen random nonexistent people nor have I seen my nastier intrusive thoughts pop up in my vision. Sometimes I have difficulty imposing Giselle if she is running around switching forms on me, but that's the only time there seem to be any distortions.
I think mostly it's like everything else in tulpaforcing--People often worry in the beginning that their tulpa will talk to them so much they will get distracted from work when in reality it is more common to be so distracted from work that one forgets to talk to their tulpa. Same pretty much has happened as far as imposition--rather than Jaden or Giselle distracting me from what's physical, what's physical still often distracts me from seeing them clearly. It's very easy still for me to break through. Only when I'm seriously not even thinking about it is it pretty solid for long periods of time.
But that's just my experience. No demons or spooky entities seen here. Definitely always keeping an eye out for anything off.
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Much like how we are more aware of hypnogogia than the average person despite it happening just as much...
I think you hit something really well here, as this is one thing that I definitely have been noticing more. Before, I don't think I ever really got hypnagogia, but now it happens very often. Maybe that and hallucinations otherwise for some of us are happening more because we trained ourselves to notice it, like how you said. It still would mean that it does something to us, but I guess I've never really seen it outright dangerous. But, it does something and it might be a good idea to talk about it a bit more in tupper communities. All what has happened has made me pretty iffy about suggesting this to someone with a very wild and uncontrollable imagination, though. It could help them and teach them those important skills of controlling your imagination, or maybe they'll completely lose it. Wouldn't want that happening.
I think we're being some kind of guinea pigs now, maybe we'll understand a bit more about this in the future and are able to give better information. At least that's what I'm hoping for. Before, we didn't really know what happens when you have tuppers for a long time. Now we're becoming those people and will be able to tell. Maybe. Unless we start attacking windmills in the future.
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It's possible you had hypnagogia but did not notice it before, it often happens so quickly before bed that we just fall right asleep anyway.
Definitely agree about feeling a bit like guinea pigs in all this but hell, it's some pretty cool stuff. I have Nate here to keep me grounded if I ever start falling apart, but so far things have been going well through it all.
Spent a ton of time visualizing today. Making sure even when I'm not imposing I'm visualizing. Working on remembering details such as shadows, etc. to help them blend into the scenes so it isn't so easy to pick them out. The more realism I can achieve with that the less it seems I accidentally force my eyes through them.
We also have recently discovered one of our friends has an accidental tulpa/alter depending on how you want to feel about it. We talked to her about what's going on and helped her realize that there are others out there who have a personality like she does. It was a relief for her for sure but her boyfriend is still adjusting. He knew about her alternate personality but he thinks of him more like the classic DID trauma portrait--like he might push her around or force her to do things and make her black out and not remember etc, etc, so we're trying to see what we can do to help deal with that. As far as we are aware there is none of that funny business going on, and his concerns seem to stem more from his own internet searches and assumptions. He does want to get along with the tulpa, though, so I think things will be okay in the end. I hope so at least.
Giselle and I sat together yesterday and smoked and talked philosophy for hours while Nate was out. I rarely get the house to myself so it was nice to just be me and the tulpas. Jaden was so chill he just took the time to relax while just listening to us and commenting from time to time. It was a really nice night. Some of the best imposition in a while.
Thinking of trying lucid dreaming again, but it's hard to make myself commit to that. If anything we are now keeping a dream journal.
I haven't mentioned this, but as of recently, my tulpas have been a consistent part of my dream. They are rarely consciously sharing the dream, more like I am dreaming of or about them, but we did experience one strange lucid dream where Jaden and I both appear to have been conscious. We both share the memory of the dream at least. I was never sure if I bought into the whole dream sharing thing, but it certainly seemed pretty real in my experience. Very very odd, but very very cool. The oddest part was the dream revolved around Jaden rather than me, something definitely noticeable to me since dreams tend to always revolve around the dreamer. Again don't know what to say about all that, but just reporting what happened.
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Decided to spend part of the day sketching my environment and incorperating the imposed fuzzballs into the picture. It had interesting effects. I found that when I took in the image and began to draw, when I looked back up to them I had a guaranteed full flash of 100% imposition that lasted longer than usual, but then I still had some difficulty maintaining it when searching for details--would 'look through' them and make them fade to the background a bit. They have been enjoying the attention at least. Giselle thinks this should work very well in the long run. Maybe expect sketches to show up in this progress report.
I can only imagine how hard this would be if I was still having difficulty with anatomy errors in visualization.
We also messed with lighting a bit more. JDBar's new guide has been pretty nice in that regard, they have a more solid look when imposed for sure. Tried imposing a small handheld game system as well. The lighting directly affected Jaden realistically but not the environment. It sort of has a fuzzy effect I guess in a dark room, but it's not accurate. Sort of makes sense I guess. Applying shading to them is really helping in dark locations which I surprisingly have had a lot of trouble keeping them imposed. Previously it was giving me difficulty--there would be times when I would hallucinate them too bright in the area, which would break very quickly due to how fake it would look. Trying to make the shading come naturally and practicing having the tulpas walk in and out of dark rooms to prevent that sort of issue.
Again it's just a matter of making the process automatic. Fingers crossed.
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Continuing to realize how much imposition relies on serious visualization skills rather than memorizing the individual form. Giselle surprised me in a new form today, but she was just as imposed as her usual form was. I realized I was quickly able to comprehend her form and the space it took in the world and that's why my mind was able to see it very quickly. Or perhaps part of it was that Giselle knew the form inside and out and since we share a mind that knowledge was mine as well. Not sure.
Had a big old forcing headache today though from Giselle and Jaden discussing something rather emotionally. It was interesting to hear a discussion take place that I was not a part of, this is not something I walk in on too often.
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It was a small but rather heavy argument about a specific person. They have rather different opinions, especially when it comes to this one specific girl. I didn't get to listen in for too long since I was at work so if there was anything else I must have missed it.
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Giselle turned one today. We had a really nice evening after work together.
There was a bit of drama with Jaden, over the same specific person I mentioned earlier. He's stressed out about it and honestly I've gotten a headache from all of the tension going on about this.
Things have been well otherwise. Continuing to impose, impose, impose.
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Reading your posts here, I have a few questions:
What are your eyes normally focused on when you look at Jaden/Giselle?
What happens when you focus your eyes on something far away/close up, if anything?
How do you handle environmental interactions that should happen, but don't (physically)?
[Like if Jaden jumps on a pillow, the pillow should depress. Do you just ignore this?(it can seem more problematic for those with larger/heavier tuppers)]
Progress logs like this can be really helpful, thanks for posting here.
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Don't mind me forcing myself in someone else's progress report.
For your last question Kevv, I can give my two cents/ask if this happens to others. I'm not big on imposition and I definitely haven't really imposed anything, but I got a pretty tall tulpa. So, often he has to brush off some branches so they don't hit him if we go in a park or something. It happens often enough and it's not like I actually see the branch being moved as he pushes it or anything and I know it really won't move, but I still sort of see it move. There exists two states for the branch, one where the physical tree doesn't react in any way and one where the imaginary tree's branch is pushed aside by an imaginary form, just like it should be. Of course because I haven't really managed to hallucinate well enough, the image isn't completely solid or anything and I do wonder what would happen if I saw two states of the tree the same way I see the real one. Sounds funky.
Anything like this happen to the person who actually was asked this question?
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To chip in on that last question, there was that one time where something knocking on Mentos' door caused his bag, which hung on the door handle, to fall down. He thought it was his dog banging on the door that made this happen, but when he opened up, it was Raina. Maybe there really was no bag. Another one of the days around that time, she also flicked on and off the light in his room to get his attention. There was also the time where he tried one of the pony-hypnosis tracks and entered a state for a couple of minutes where he perceived himself as being a filly, during the time of which he, according to Raina, playfully grabbed things in his room with his mouth. In complete darkness.
Hallucinations can really blind you from the truth, eh?
We all know that pony tulpas are magic.
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Not really a big deal--Just a friend of Jaden's who happens to be involved in a bit of drama right now. I don't really want to go on about it in detail as it's not really progress report related.
Been distracted with pokeymans since it came out but trying to keep a constant visualization going on the tups. This is where small tulpas are easier, it's very easy to keep them in my field of vision since they can fit almost anywhere they like even in a crowded car.
Nate's begun taking some supplements to help with his ADHD-inattentive issues. We'll see if this helps him force a bit easier. Right now it's a constant battle to stay focused on anything for longer than 10 minutes. His brother also suffers from the same disorder but has found a crutch that helps him rather well--he keeps his hands busy while trying to do wonderland activities. For him, he twirls a stick around in his hands while he paces, and that amount of motion is simple enough that he does not need to focus on it but it keeps his mind active enough to not die of boredom and distractions when trying to focus. Nate may try something like this if it helps--I know when he was in school it was easier for him to focus on work if he was allowed to fiddle with things. Maybe we'll see some really great improvement by using this sort of physical focusing device, who knows.
Jaden's issues with his form have almost been completely resolved. He is able to immerse himself in the wonderland properly again, and to be honest I think it's made imposing him easier. Now he's around the same level of imposition as Giselle is. Maybe since he feels more realistic my mind accepts him as such? No idea.
Also, Nate's sister somehow found my tulpa blog. She's not sure what a tulpa is yet though and currently thinks it's a shared blog between me and a few friends. But she's decided to follow it and read through the posts, yikes. Probably going to sit down with Nate and figure out what we are going to do about this.
Edit: Suddenly 5 replies!
Reading your posts here, I have a few questions:
What are your eyes normally focused on when you look at Jaden/Giselle?
What happens when you focus your eyes on something far away/close up, if anything?
How do you handle environmental interactions that should happen, but don't (physically)?
[Like if Jaden jumps on a pillow, the pillow should depress. Do you just ignore this?(it can seem more problematic for those with larger/heavier tuppers)]
Progress logs like this can be really helpful, thanks for posting here.
Focused on them. You can actually do this yourself. Put a finger near your face and focus on it. Pull it back to around an area where your tulpa's face would be. Move the finger away and your eyes defocus on everything else and focus on that empty spot. If you could see your tulpa, they would be right there.
If I focus on other things they sort of blur--Actually when they are blurred out they are more solid for me, so it's pretty useful to look near them rather than directly at them right now.
As far as what happens with physical objects, what we've done is to consider there to be a "wonderland overlay" on top of the physical world. For us what this ends up meaning is Jaden can squish into the wonderland pillow while the physical pillow isn't moving. I can see in my visualization the pillow move but physically it still doesn't really react. It's sort of a double image really. Pretty much what Sands described as seeing two states of the object at the same time. I can imagine it would be possible to make this fully realistic and to even overwrite the physical object the tulpa touches, but I don't know if I want to go that far with it. I like the ghost image effect anyway, and it lets my tulpas interact with objects that they shouldn't be able to--fun for them.
Glad I could help!
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Why aren't you sharing your personal and private real world matters online. I demand to know.
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Wedding stuff makes it difficult to be online too often, but I try to pop on via the phone when I can.
Dealing with having a bummed out tulpa is sad and frustrating, but things are looking a lot better now.
Not too much that is new otherwise. Nate has a new tulpa-ish thing, but it's more like a direct personified representation of his subconscious, so I guess it's more servitor-esque. Luke describes it as having one of those cheesy omnipotent sounding voices which cracks me up. He doesn't really talk unless spoken to and isn't interested in really doing any more than that. So that's something. Form is a phoenix made of light, so okay.
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Eh I doubt it. He's not interested at all in any more full fledged tulpas. He's already had some of those high functioning servitors from stories who do their thing and that's all there really is to it. He's not too concerned about anything like that happening in this situation. It's not really a tulpa, just like I said, a personified thing, a way of communicating to himself. Unless I guess you consider a tulpa to be that, I guess but, whatever.
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A miserable little pile of traits?
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It's in my title, mane.
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:^)
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One of Nate's friends came to him mentioning his girlfriend had developed something years ago "that sounded like a tulpa thing from 4chan". Kate and I sort of disagree on what he is, but we are still figuring out our views on what makes multiplicity vs. accidental tulpas, but either way he's an interesting sort of dark guy.
We ended up partying it up the other night and watching vampire hunter D. It is sort of surprising how many people we are getting to know in real life who have tulpas, and it's been nice for Kate to have some people to talk to about all this in person. Apparently they've both read my blog now, hahah. The girl seems to have developed this tulpa over a long period of time but never really had words to describe what he was. Her boyfriend sort of has been thinking about making one, but he's happily content just chilling with us as we are. He asks me a lot of questions and her tulpa as well.
I really have been more into gaming lately and I really want to play a horror game with Nate during one of the few times I actually feel like possessing but I'm not sure what yet.
Nate and I have been chatting more often. I'm trying to get Luke to come out of his shell a little more now.
It's weird to think about the way life was a year and a half ago compared to now. Things have been really going up for both Nate and Kate and that's been pretty cool to watch.
Of course Kate has a cold right now which is awful and it's a head cold too which just wreaks havoc on her thoughts and makes communication between us tougher than usual. But other than that life is good. Wedding stuff is coming together well too. Good good stuff.
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Take that Comic Sans elsewhere.
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(http://i.imgur.com/cMFdFdq.jpg)
I would, Colonel, but I'm currently in Skyrim.
HAIL LOUIS THE REDGUARD.
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That's not Skyrim, you fool.
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Yes wedding, no not tulpa related wedding. Nate and Kate, you should know this.
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Wanna have a tupper wedding?
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After seeing that tulpa wedding between Ilia and, whoever else, no. Bad. Weddings are boring. Irc weddings are worse. Irc tulpa weddings could tear apart the very fabric of existance. Only do so if you're sure the universe won't exist afterward so no one has to remember.
The more you know.
what
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(http://i.imgur.com/HJcb2AK.jpg)
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What I'm telling you is the truth, Sorryman...
...but why did you find it necessary to post such a large image, and how is the girl from WITCH relevant?
WITCH for FEDE. LARGE for LARGE MESSAGE.
,,,;'
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What's with the giant image spam. Those aren't imposed fuzzballs. 0/10