January 29 - February 3, 2014
I have been continuing with my daily meditations and mantra repetition. Seph is speaking very little yet I feel a continually stronger and stronger emotional response in myself towards her. I feel like we are meditating together, not just me forcing her. I experience my body and attention responding as if she is really there in the room with me during the focus sessions. Off and on I open my eyes and work on visual imposition. Sometimes I work on tactile feeling imposition, like if we touch our hands together or sometimes she reaches out and touches my face or shoulder or something. The meditations seem to be a haphazard alternation between wonderland and physical reality, like we're in both places at once. This is fine for me. It reminds me of a dream I had where I was flying and opened one eye, seeing my bedroom, and with the other, seeing the dream landscape floating beneath me, able to switch between yet both happening at the same time, switching to one or the other blocking out the alternate from awareness.
I feel very good having forced for 41 consecutive days. When I first started I went for hours at a time. Now I do about 20+ minutes everyday. I feel like I am making slow and steady progress. I'd like to add more time, or expand to passive forcing throughout the day. I feel blocked from doing that speaking out loud since I'm usually around other people most of the day. When I start doing more active or passive forcing, I will be making note of it here in my log. Thanks for reading.