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Tulpas => Tulpa Diaries => Topic started by: RailOfFire on July 26, 2014, 11:14:38 AM

Title: RoF's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on July 26, 2014, 11:14:38 AM
On here will be the thread of the progress of my tulpas.
Updates will be titled as the topic name.
Therefore, please do not change your subject to this.


Each week will be in a new post, hopefully.
Any new tulpas will be listed below.
The color of their names will be the color of their quotes in this thread, if relevant.


1. Probitas; Male - Wolf
Creation Date: 7/31/2014
Personality Type: Unknown
-- Deceased
--- Date of Death: 9/12/2014


2. ???; Male - Orb of Light?
Creation Date: 10/???/2014
Personality Type: Unknown


Details are subject to change.

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[IMP] - Posts marked with this tag are considered as important logs, usually from a series of important milestones and/or events.
You can usually find important posts by pressing CTRL + F and typing in "[IMP]" without the quotation marks.



Monthly Notes; - Posts marked with this tag at the end of the post are known to be the last post of the month.
Under this tag contains all of the notes taken across the month.
Similar to the Important tag, you can usually find the notes taken by pressing CTRL + F and typing in "Monthly Notes" or "Notes" without the quotation marks.



Logs colored like this are important. They usually mark specific times, which are made via Eastern Standard Time.



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7/24/2014 (Thursday) - Started research on the idea of "tulpas". Registered.

7/25/2014 (Friday) - Further research on tulpas, to find the best ways to help them in their growth, different methods of creation, and overall to understand them.
Keep note that I have found of a good personality type for my first Tulpa;  ISTJ. I'm still unsure of what to do of this, however.
Should I not use it and/or use aspects of it, we will see.

7/26/2014 (Saturday) - Again, no important updates, and rather just more research on the subject.
However, Kiahdaj's Absolute Guide to Tuplas (http://goo.gl/HEfER), a guide that I've recently read, taught me much about tuplas that I didn't know.
Furthermore, I believe I'm not going to be doing the personality step. Although other guides have explained that personality is a must, Kiahdaj's Guide has taught me that it is optional, as the tupla will develop on their own. This makes for great tuplas in my opinion, as I wish to allow the tupla to be however (s)he wants.
More so, the tupla's deviation should be mirroring my subconscious desires (which is a good thing). Thanks to Kiahdaj for the guide.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpae
Post by: Sands on July 26, 2014, 05:34:36 PM
Plural is tulpas. Tulpa as a plural is acceptable though it shares all the same problems other words with a similar singular and plural do, namely confusion over which one you are meaning when it's not obvious. Just please stop using made up words that aren't correct in any language, thanks.

Similarly, a Tupla is a candy bar. A tulpa (note lower case, as we are not speaking German), however, is the kind of thoughtform we're talking about.

Nitpicking aside, good luck I guess. I see that you might be the kind of a person who follows guides too much and possibly even the wrong ones, seeing how you claim that they say personality is a necessary step. Most modern ones say that is bullshit and everything you read from guides should be taken with a grain of salt. There is no one way to make a tulpa and what works for you will work for you. Follow your own gut, if it sounds good or like it will work, use that. If you think something doesn't work then it probably won't, and if something sounds stupid/too good to be true, that's how it might be. All we can talk about is our own, personal experiences - yours will most likely be different and what is a rule to us might not be that way to you.

Seriously, we are talking of a being created with your mind using your imagination. It is pretty limitless, though I'm sure we all know what limits imaginations has in real life. But inside your head, there's not much stopping you, honestly. We don't really know what a tulpa is or why they end up existing, but from my personal experience, I guess it had to work in some way seeing how I do have a voice in my head and all.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on August 01, 2014, 10:19:54 AM
Plural is tulpas. Tulpa as a plural is acceptable though it shares all the same problems other words with a similar singular and plural do, namely confusion over which one you are meaning when it's not obvious. Just please stop using made up words that aren't correct in any language, thanks.

Similarly, a Tupla is a candy bar. A tulpa (note lower case, as we are not speaking German), however, is the kind of thoughtform we're talking about.

Nitpicking aside, good luck I guess. I see that you might be the kind of a person who follows guides too much and possibly even the wrong ones, seeing how you claim that they say personality is a necessary step. Most modern ones say that is bullshit and everything you read from guides should be taken with a grain of salt. There is no one way to make a tulpa and what works for you will work for you. Follow your own gut, if it sounds good or like it will work, use that. If you think something doesn't work then it probably won't, and if something sounds stupid/too good to be true, that's how it might be. All we can talk about is our own, personal experiences - yours will most likely be different and what is a rule to us might not be that way to you.

Seriously, we are talking of a being created with your mind using your imagination. It is pretty limitless, though I'm sure we all know what limits imaginations has in real life. But inside your head, there's not much stopping you, honestly. We don't really know what a tulpa is or why they end up existing, but from my personal experience, I guess it had to work in some way seeing how I do have a voice in my head and all.

Changed all plural versions of "tulpa" to be "tulpas". At least, that's what I got from your post. I personally prefer "tulpae", but it seems to be correctly spelt as "tulpas" in Wikipedia, etc. Found this, too (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulpae-tulp%C3%A6-or-tulpas).

And yes, I have done plenty of resarch on the topic. I actually haven't seen the replies to this post until today, when I went on Tulpa Network today.
Hey, I did say it'd be more updated on .info, didn't I?
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on August 01, 2014, 10:22:27 AM
[IMP] -
7/27/2014 (Sunday) - Nothing very important, except for more research on the subject.
I'm planning to start working on my tulpa on Wednesday, the day after my weekly music lessons.
That way, my mind can be clear when I first start.
Furthermore, so I can know about tulpas as much as I can (which will help against making the wrong desicions, like as to hurt the tulpa in any way, and/or to interrupt progress).

7/28/2014 (Monday) - Regarding research, today was a very successful day.

I've found some very interesting things, via The Lucid Tulpamancer's list (http://thelucidtulpamancer.tumblr.com/post/56422924559/a-collection-of-tips-and-tricks-about-tulpas-and) of tips and guides.
Proven to be very useful at the end of the day, as I've seen and learned things I've never known of, some things I've never even considered. It's definitely a page that will stay bookmarked for quite a while.
I've even discovered some meditation techniques, mostly coming from Fede. (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulpaforcing-resources-thread)
Tomorrow I plan to work on my Wonderland/Mindscape.
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11:21 PM (Monday) - I've just tried Pranayama meditation. 15-20 minutes of it seemed to pass by quickly, and I've noticed that, after, I haven't had a single intrusive thought.
I'm definitely going to try this again when I work on my Wonderland and my tulpa.

7/29/2014 (Tuesday) - Today, regarding research, wasn't very useful at all. Most of the stuff I've read was to finish up on yesterday's study. Things such as the ping-pong method (http://chupitulpa.tumblr.com/post/32038874026) and the memory house method for Wonderlands. I did, however, find an interesting Latin name for him, which, if without deviation, will be known as "Probitas". Of course, if he doesn't like the name, I'd clearly support deviation, as I personally want to give my tulpa freedom to choose what he wants to be.
Speaking of Wonderlands(/Mindscapes), I haven't had time today to work on it. Later tonight I'm going to try to start working on it, when I can get to a room that is quiet.
I've recently started meditating a lot since yesterday. I'm going to be trying it again before I work on the Wonderland, perhaps trying it with Fede's Tulpa Tones (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulpaforcing-resources-thread) or some other tones to see if they help. They may just prove to be a distraction.
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3:53 AM (Wednesday) - I've just made a basic Wonderland. It's more of a cottage/nordic house than anything, at the moment, for later expansion. Will improve later on the house as well.

7/30/2014 (Wednesday) - I'm going to be starting my tulpa today. Time to read up on as many guides as possible.
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5:40 PM (Wednesday) - I've officially finished the first part of making a tulpa; personality.
Here's the link to the Pastebin. (http://pastebin.com/GbktxhWF) It may be a bit like a Mary Sue, but, of course, it's not set in stone.
I've also decided to make Probitas a male. His personality and appearance marks him to be most like a male.

7/31/2014 (Thursday) - I'm actually pretty surprised at how I'm starting the creation process. Possibly may be because, at the moment, I'm not able to do very much.
I've recently started printing out a shitload (http://pastebin.com/USZDQ95h) of wolf and wolf anatomy pictures, along with my personality "chart" (http://pastebin.com/GbktxhWF).
This is because if, I'm hoping, I happen to need reference photos and the original list of his personality, I can quickly use the papers from off to the side.
I honestly hope I don't have to do this, however, since I'd be focusing my attention on something other than my tulpa during the session.
Not that, for personality however, I have much of a choice.
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7:43 PM (Thursday) - Alright, so I've got some serious news.
So I've just ended my first forcing session, but I may have had a slight mishap.
I had been forcing for about an hour and a half, and then I had gone onto the pre-creation process after finally finishing the form.
By that point, I was starting to experience a slight headache.
And then, I opened my eyes.
Now, this, is a serious no-no. You're supposed to focus all attention onto your tulpa.
I opened them slowly to check my charts for reference, and then suddenly my headache dissapeared.
When I closed my eyes again (since, I found it eaiser to force with my eyes closed atm), I couldn't remember my tulpa anymore.
I'm going to be trying the session again, and this time I hope I can finish with success. I'm currently memorizing the charts now.
I can still remember most parts of my tulpa, so I'm hoping that I haven't disconnected him.
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8:24 PM (Thursday) - I've finished my "second" session of Probitas. I've visualized his form completely, as well as read his personality traits about twice, if not three times.
One thing that honestly worries me though, is the fact that, even though I've completed the pre-creation process, this time I in fact did not get a headache or anything of the sorts.
Although it may be because of the splitting of the two sessions, and the fact that I wasn't creating an entirely new form, it gives me doubts which I'm honestly trying to get rid of immediately.
I could have sworn that I saw him shift in place slightly when I was about to end the session, but I may have been puppeting him.
I can only hope that it was him, according to the rule to always assume it's him.
I also did try the technique of sliding your hands across your tulpa's body, which was successful, as I did in fact feel warmth, as well as him breathing.
Even if I feel like I should wash my hands after running my hands over the "areas" as well, I seem to be able to visualize him better (somehow).
He seems to be much clearer than he did before, and he seems to have this sense of life in him (even though he doesn't need it).
Thanks, anatomy!
Passive forcing sessions over.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sands on September 02, 2014, 06:10:40 AM
Just hope they don't forget about their tuppers as well.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:45:32 PM
Seems to be quite the pattern here that people post a diary thread, have it stay alive for some 5-15 replies, and then forget all about it. However, I suppose that's no different from many of the progress reports on tulpa.info.
Actually, I literally couldn't find this site for a while now.

Been looking for it for a while, for some unknown reason tulpanetwork.com wasn't working for me a while back.

Just hope they don't forget about their tuppers as well.

Oh god, no.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:48:17 PM
7/27/2014 (Sunday) - Nothing very important, except for more research on the subject.
I'm planning to start working on my tulpa on Wednesday, the day after my weekly music lessons.
That way, my mind can be clear when I first start.
Furthermore, so I can know about tulpas as much as I can (which will help against making the wrong desicions, like as to hurt the tulpa in any way, and/or to interrupt progress).

7/28/2014 (Monday) - Regarding research, today was a very successful day.

I've found some very interesting things, via The Lucid Tulpamancer's list (http://thelucidtulpamancer.tumblr.com/post/56422924559/a-collection-of-tips-and-tricks-about-tulpas-and) of tips and guides.
Proven to be very useful at the end of the day, as I've seen and learned things I've never known of, some things I've never even considered. It's definitely a page that will stay bookmarked for quite a while.
I've even discovered some meditation techniques, mostly coming from Fede. (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulpaforcing-resources-thread)
Tomorrow I plan to work on my Wonderland/Mindscape.
-
11:21 PM (Monday) - I've just tried Pranayama meditation. 15-20 minutes of it seemed to pass by quickly, and I've noticed that, after, I haven't had a single intrusive thought.
I'm definitely going to try this again when I work on my Wonderland and my tulpa.

7/29/2014 (Tuesday) - Today, regarding research, wasn't very useful at all. Most of the stuff I've read was to finish up on yesterday's study. Things such as the ping-pong method (http://chupitulpa.tumblr.com/post/32038874026) and the memory house method for Wonderlands. I did, however, find an interesting Latin name for him, which, if without deviation, will be known as "Probitas". Of course, if he doesn't like the name, I'd clearly support deviation, as I personally want to give my tulpa freedom to choose what he wants to be.
Speaking of Wonderlands(/Mindscapes), I haven't had time today to work on it. Later tonight I'm going to try to start working on it, when I can get to a room that is quiet.
I've recently started meditating a lot since yesterday. I'm going to be trying it again before I work on the Wonderland, perhaps trying it with Fede's Tulpa Tones (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulpaforcing-resources-thread) or some other tones to see if they help. They may just prove to be a distraction.
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3:53 AM (Wednesday) - I've just made a basic Wonderland. It's more of a cottage/nordic house than anything, at the moment, for later expansion. Will improve later on the house as well.

7/30/2014 (Wednesday) - I'm going to be starting my tulpa today. Time to read up on as many guides as possible.
-
5:40 PM (Wednesday) - I've officially finished the first part of making a tulpa; personality.
Here's the link to the Pastebin. (http://pastebin.com/GbktxhWF) It may be a bit like a Mary Sue, but, of course, it's not set in stone.
I've also decided to make Probitas a male. His personality and appearance marks him to be most like a male.

7/31/2014 (Thursday) - I'm actually pretty surprised at how I'm starting the creation process. Possibly may be because, at the moment, I'm not able to do very much.
I've recently started printing out a shitload of wolf and wolf anatomy pictures, along with my personality "chart" (http://pastebin.com/GbktxhWF).
This is because if, I'm hoping, I happen to need reference photos and the original list of his personality, I can quickly use the papers from off to the side.
I honestly hope I don't have to do this, however, since I'd be focusing my attention on something other than my tulpa during the session.
Not that, for personality however, I have much of a choice.
-
7:43 PM (Thursday) - Alright, so I've got some serious news.
So I've just ended my first forcing session, but I may have had a slight mishap.
I had been forcing for about an hour and a half, and then I had gone onto the pre-creation process after finally finishing the form.
By that point, I was starting to experience a slight headache.
And then, I opened my eyes.
Now, this, is a serious no-no. You're supposed to focus all attention onto your tulpa.
I opened them slowly to check my charts for reference, and then suddenly my headache dissapeared.
When I closed my eyes again (since, I found it eaiser to force with my eyes closed atm), I couldn't remember my tulpa anymore.
I'm going to be trying the session again, and this time I hope I can finish with success. I'm currently memorizing the charts now.
I can still remember most parts of my tulpa, so I'm hoping that I haven't disconnected him.
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8:24 PM (Thursday) - I've finished my "second" session of Probitas. I've visualized his form completely, as well as read his personality traits about twice, if not three times.
One thing that honestly worries me though, is the fact that, even though I've completed the pre-creation process, this time I in fact did not get a headache or anything of the sorts.
Although it may be because of the splitting of the two sessions, and the fact that I wasn't creating an entirely new form, it gives me doubts which I'm honestly trying to get rid of immediately.
I could have sworn that I saw him shift in place slightly when I was about to end the session, but I may have been puppeting him.
I can only hope that it was him, according to the rule to always assume it's him.
I also did try the technique of sliding your hands across your tulpa's body, which was successful, as I did in fact feel warmth, as well as him breathing.
Even if I feel like I should wash my hands after running my hands over the "areas" as well, I seem to be able to visualize him better (somehow).
He seems to be much clearer than he did before, and he seems to have this sense of life in him (even though he doesn't need it).
Thanks, anatomy!
Passive forcing sessions over.

8/1/2014 (Friday) - Having a bit of trouble continuing to narrate, as well as visualizing.
Recently I've been trying a few techniques to visualize better, but I'm not sure about narration.
I'll just see if I can remind myself to continue talking.
Reading a book or a Wikipedia entry might prove useful.

8/2/2014 (Saturday) - Been trying to keep my mind on narrating, visualizing still seems to prove to be difficult.



Monthly Notes;


7/25/2014 (Friday)[/b] - A possible personality of ISTJ may be chosen.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:49:02 PM
8/3/2014 (Sunday) - I've still been having trouble visualizing. I'm starting to visualize him outside of the wonderland rather than inside, such as visualizing him with a white background.
Still trying to better my visualization so that I can force with him easier and make progress.

Note; I've been experiencing slight to extreme headaches recently. I'm known to get them fairly often, usually to the extremes, but I've recently been getting them more than usual.
Unfortunately, even though most of them are steady, not very many have surpassed over an hour of pressure.
Headaches don't necessarily mean pressure, either, even though it may seem that way.

8/4/2014 (Monday) - I tried something new today.
Instead of trying to visualize him better, I tried to visualize the Wonderland better. I seem to start visualizing him in the Wonderland again, rather than in a blank space.
I've noticed small details on him starting to grow more diverse, such as the growth and texture of his fur, and the marks on his teeth.
I may have to study pictures in order to remember him better however, as I've started to forget some of the features farther out on his body, such as the position of his tail or the length.
I'll try visualizing in the half-asleep state (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-visualization-perfect-visualization-from-the-half-sleep-state) tomorrow.

Note; I haven't been on the forums in a while. I've recently updated from 8/2/2014 up to 8/4/2014.

8/5/2014 (Tuesday) - I most likely won't get much done on Tuesdays, due to my lessons.
The half-asleep state (Hypnagogia) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnagogia) didn't go so well either; as always, it's not the easiest trick to pull.
I'll try going into the state again tomorrow, when my mind is clear.

On a side note, visualization seemed to be better than usual today.
I had started to study anatomy and pictures of wolves yesterday, and surprisingly I can see him clearer than his usual form.
I suppose I don't see very many wolves often.
I'll be studying again tonight.

8/6/2014 (Wednesday) - Yet again, another day of failed Hypnagogia.
I'll try going to sleep later in the day to try it again.

Note; No success. I'll have to do it on 8/7, most likely later in the day.

8/7/2014 (Thursday) - Today could be considered more than successful, as I've yet again experienced Hypnagogia, or at least partially.
Although I seemed alarmed when I awoken, I managed to immediately slip away into the state, where I had experienced almost if not perfect visualization.
Instead of having to focus mainly on his head and upper body, it seemed more than easy for me to be able to visualize his entire body, head to (paw).
The problem of where attributes would randomly change disappeared almost completely, and he seemed fairly normal, which made it much easier to last a forcing session of about a half hour to an hour.
I've ran through the Wonderland to see if anything's changed as well, yet nothing has, which isn't too alarming to see.
I'll be trying it again tomorrow and on Saturday.

8/8/2014 (Friday) - Unfortunately, I failed to slip into the state of visualization.
I've managed to lengthen the forcing sessions though, and I'm starting to use techniques to remember to narrate, something I've tackled with for quite a while now.

8/9/2014 (Saturday) - Hypnagogia was successful again today, but yet again only at a partial rate, if I could say.
I've noticed that most of my failures with slipping into the state is usually forgetting about the state its-self.
When I am to succeed, it's normally when I remember about the state immediately, when I awake.
I'll be trying to use something to help me to remember about the state.
Furthermore, small details of his form seem to be getting more and more diverse on each session.
Something to take note on for future reference, as this could mean that he's not officially been created, and that he's currently just a thought growing in the mind, a theory that.
However, it could also mean that he's changing his form to his liking, that I'm changing his form manually which is something I wish to stray away from, or that I'm starting to visualize him more clearer.
It's more likely that it's just due to improved visualization, due to Hypnagogia.

Note; Possible parroting and/or puppeting, as well as other possible theories such as improved visualization or proven sentience.
May also be unofficially created, to the point of where he is still a static thought in the mind.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:49:44 PM
8/10/2014 (Sunday) - Started to lose concentration during hypnagogia today.
As usual, I've woken up with a hurry, immediately remembering the state and slipping into hypnagogia.
After about 5 to 10 minutes, I started to lose concentration as more and more intrusive thoughts would come in uninvited.
Using the same technique as I do when I meditate, I tried to  lower the rate, but I eventually lost concentration and was only able to visualize Probitas just as, if not worse than the way I normally do.
Something to note as well, asking him questions, narrarating, or forcing with him at all hasn't made him to change his position at all. I'm starting to get worried on whether or not he's actually been created, or if I'm actually forcing him still instead of allowing him to move.
Since parroting is a conscious action, that's most likely not the problem, but more of if he's actually considered a tulpa.
I know I shouldn't be doubting, and more so the fact that he's just recently been created and isn't at all sentient (https://community.tulpa.info/thread-misinterpretation-of-%E2%80%9Cassuming-sentience-from-start%E2%80%9D-philosophy?page=3), but it worries me to know that he hasn't been seen to move, even during the State.
I'll be researching more on this topic, and I'll see if I should be worrying about this.
I may not be feeding him enough attention, as I haven't been narrating very often as of late.

Note; Even during hypnagogia, forcing with Probitas hasn't been seen to trigger a response in any way.


8/11/2014 (Monday) - Today is the first day that I can say I was truthfully in hypnagogia.
As soon as I realized I was slipping out of sleep, I immediately resorted to slipping into the State.
I was forcing with him for about thirty minutes to an hour or so before I finally slipped out of the State.
Although it may not mean anything of importance, I asked him if he could help me to visualize the Wonderland better later on in the day.
After I asked, the Wonderland seemed much clearer than it normally would when I'm visualizing; I could recognize thicker details more clearer.
Keep note that this may mean a possible sentience may be in Probitas, although it is unclear at the moment.
I've tried the technique of asking him to surprise me many times (as well as to ask him questions often) and I've never once gotten a response.

Note; Possible sentience due to a response to a request.

8/12/2014 (Tuesday) - Couldn't connect to the State.
Meanwhile, I've tried about a thirty minute to hour session of forcing with Probitas.
It's not very long, I know; I'm trying to work on that at the moment.
I also tried playing the Black Box with him today.
It seemed when it was his turn, I couldn't get a response.
However, I did seem to get a response when it was my turn.
I had picked a stick or duck of some sort into a box; it was the first thing I could think of.
My mind seemed to have gone fuzzy and/or confused, and so my mind started generating several responses at once.
With so many responses flooding me at the time, I couldn't tell which one was actually his response.
Some responses ranged from a doll up to a ocean in the black box; I just couldn't tell which one was his.
It seemed my brain seemed to be generating responses for me rather than him to be answering (http://pastebin.com/Jn1pRqrn).
Then again, it could be the theory of him being too young to be original, the fact that he's not fully sentient, or something of the sorts.

Note; Black Box technique failed. Too many responses were generated, and possible sentience can't be confirmed at the time.

8/13/2014 (Wednesday) - My forcing session today lasted entirely of asking questions.
With topics running out to narrate about, I decided to ask questions would be easier.
Because of this, my forcing session lasted only 5-10 minutes, and I haven't narrated at all today, which is terribly pathetic.
Meanwhile, on the bright side, I've tried the Black Box strategy again today.
For some reason though, I couldn't think of anything to put into the Box; or, at least, anything that would be static.
Everything I put into the Box changed simultaneously to something else.
I ended up not getting a single movement or response out of Probitas today.
I need to give him more attention, and make sure he's making progress.

8/14/2014 (Thursday) - I got a response out of Probitas today when I noticed something in the Wonderland had changed.
Recently, when I had made the Wonderland, the table in the back of the house had seemed to want to change.
When I came into the Wonderland yesterday as well as a couple days ago, it seemed to be something such as an old and rusty washing machine, the model I remember to be a washing machine from the 1980s and 1990s.
I didn't think much of the change until today.
I changed the washer back to the table earlier in the morning today, and when I came into the Wonderland it was back to the machine.
I then changed it back to the table for the third time and asked Probitas to change it back when I left if it was he who wanted the change, so I knew it was him making the change and not me subconsciously changing the table, even though that might be considered a response in some cases.
Focusing hard on the table, I finally left the Wonderland and didn't think about the table for a while.
Five minutes later when I came back into the Wonderland, the machine was back, just as it's been here for the past week or so.
I admit it wasn't the most safe nor the most accurate way of insuring that it was his response, but it was the best I could do at that point in time.
Something to note as well, I've recently updated from 8/12/2014 to 8/14/2014.

Note; Possible progress and possible sentience due to a change in the Wonderland.
Updated from 8/12/2014 to 8/14/2014.

8/15/2014 (Friday) - Not much happened at all.
Failed hypnagogia.
I hardly even got to force or narrate to him very much at all today, which is very saddening to say.
Pisses me off greatly that I couldn't find a place to actively force, nor to remember to narrate as much as possible.
I suppose I have gotten into a habit of saying, "Good morning, Probitas."
As well as this, "Good night, Probitas."

8/16/2014 (Saturday) - Successful hypnagogia.
Spent about 10, 15 minutes purely of asking him questions and visualizing him and the Wonderland.
Been able to narrate for about 30 minutes, of ending to a loss of words.
I suppose I'll read my book later and connect it to him, as that could be considered some form of narration.
I was also able to go over his personality traits again with him today, which I've been wanting to do for a while.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:50:32 PM
[IMP] -


8/17/2014 (Sunday) - Successful hypnagogia, and more on that.
Very exciting news, as I've actually got movement as well as a sentient response from him.
When I had gone on the Black Box, he had guessed what it was almost immediately (by forcing in the object of what it was).
However, when it was his turn (I had let him go twice), I had guessed it the first time, and had an idea of what his object was.
On the second attempt, I had been thinking hard of (quite literally, nothing), and so when he was ready for me to guess (via nodding), I wasn't sure of what the object would be.
After a while, I had guessed bike, with an answer of "no", which was clearly very exciting to me.
Even though puppeting is a conscious action, my only hopes are that I wasn't puppeting him the entire time (or, that his object was literally nothing, meaning he was possibly too young to be original, or I'm unknowingly changing his object, as he didn't show me the object afterwards).

8/18/2014 (Monday) - I'm not sure what to think of Probitas' responses.
I've asked him plenty of questions as well as done the Black Box with him plenty, but quite a few times I've been assaulted with various answers and/or responses, to the point of where I've started to suspect myself of parroting and/or puppeting.
I've said this plenty before in my log; I know that they're conscious actions, but I can't be sure of whether or not I know I'm doing the action.
This is something that I know isn't very easy to explain, and furthermore not very easy to understand.
The way this works is, I've suspected myself of parroting and/or puppeting plenty, but I can feel myself and/or Probitas generating the response before the answer comes, most times being exactly what I wanted to hear.
I feel unsure of whether or not I've been doing this, however, as one falsely confirmed doubt could easily ruin this entire being, this one subconscious, which is one of the main reasons why I feel much too uneasy to even be considering doubting about this sort of thing.
It could very well be that he's too young to be original, and/or that I know him very well, but most of his responses seem to be too jerky and/or too sudden, referring to his movement.
Visualizing him isn't working very well at all for me either, as well; as I've mentioned, I've had plenty of problems visualizing him before.
My mind may go from him sleeping on the floor, to walking towards me, to frozen in the same position he was in when I was creating him; all at once.
Here's a pastebin link that explains more about the subject.
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Furthermore, I haven't gone into the State for a while now, which seems to be taking a toll on my visualizing skills; not visualizing him very often doesn't help to ease that damage, either.
Probitas doesn't seem to be the one who communicates via head pressures and tulpish; in fact, if anything, I haven't gotten a single response to my requests for him to do so, to know that he can hear me even if I can't hear him.
My biggest quote right now at this point in time would probably be, "You've just got to hope."
Hoping doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.
I suppose I'm being too dramatic about his responses to me, and his method of communication.

8/19/2014 (Tuesday) - With a lot of things going on at the moment, I haven't been able to do very much with Probitas. The matter of fact that I haven't been able to show him much attention (let alone to active force and/or narrate to him).
I'll definitely try passive forcing later on in the week.

8/20/2014 (Wednesday) Yet again, another day with hardly any attention to Probitas.
With so many family problems as well, my main fear is that something such as anger or depression might bleed into his personality.
I'll be trying something like the Hall of Memories that Doughnut made, so that nothing bleeds in (as well as try to clear my doubts, of course).

8/21/2014 (Thursday) -
Something really strange has been happening lately (or rather, quite sad if you prefer).
With plenty of arguments and overall family problems going on recently, I haven't had much time to pay attention to Probitas.
Moreover, even as I've been trying as much as possible to get rid of, with everything going on at the moment I've been getting plenty of intrusive thoughts and even doubts in Probitas and our forcing sessions.
Earlier today I tried to start a forcing session with him, but my mind has been feeling empty lately, as if I've dissipated him.
I've really been worrying about it frequently (whether or not he's okay, or if I dissipated him by doubting) and, wherever I look, I can't seem to visualize Probitas at all in the Wonderland.
My mind has been trying to visualize him there, but wherever I try to visualize him in the Wonderland, I can feel as if he's not there or that there's not the same sense of warmth I had when he was in creation.
Either this has been a good sign, and that he has been able to move around, or it could mean that I've dissipated him by accident or by not being able to pay attention to him, and I'm just experiencing that "sense of emptiness" like some people have described.
Something to note as well, I've been trying to spend as much time with him as possible, if anything the bare minimum because of my surroundings when I'm able to force.
It may be that I've been doubting him too much, and that I've actually delayed progress and/or dissipated him, in which would hurt me greatly; not because I'd have to restart the creation process, but because he's a part of me, quite literally.
If he was to still be okay and an active tulpa, I fear that most of the arguments, etc. might bleed into his personality, including my anger.
No updates on his position or if he's okay at the moment.

Note; Updated from 8/19/2014 to 8/21/2014.
Probitas seems to have potentially dissipated, or drifted away; nowhere to be seen, and tulpish hasn't been given out since he was created.

8/22/2014 (Friday) - Hypnagogia failed as expected, I need to get used to using alarms again.
Probitas, yet again, is nowhere to be seen; I've been visualizing him in different positions possibly in every inch of the Wonderland, yet everywhere I attempt to visualize I can sense that he isn't there.
I've also noticed that things he had changed when he was here I don't feel such a strong notice to keep, such as the washing machine; I can change it back to the table to test, but once I re-visualize the Wonderland, I don't feel such a strong notice to change it back.
I've found no need to construct the revision of the "Hall of Memories" at the moment, as I'm desperately trying to see where Probitas might be.
Looking back at one of my doubts earlier on as well; as I had said, I haven't gotten any tulpish from Probitas since he was created.
Although there are some tulpas who don't prefer to use this type of communication (even when asked), there's a rare chance that Probitas might have been or is one of those tulpas.
If anything, there's a good chance that Probitas was, or is simply just a being in the mind at the moment, and wasn't ever officially created, simply repeatedly visualized.
I had experimented with asking him a while ago questions using head pressure, but yet I couldn't tell if the pressure was there or not.
My doubts come back, they do.

Note; Possible chance that Probitas was simply just a being, and/or was dissipated if he was an actual tulpa.
More news on the fact that he might have drifted away, losing connection with me, the host.

8/23/2014 (Saturday) -
Keep note that for the next two weeks' logs, everything will be simple as can be; I haven't been able to get back to this lately.
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It's great to be back on this Progress Report, as for the past two weeks I haven't been able to get on the Forums.
If anything, just because of this delay I've had to make a new tag known as "Late Update".
I have had updates like this happen, but never one this largely delayed.
A lot of things have been happening lately in my life, but everything has been sorted out and cleared up, and we should hopefully be fine here.
A great deal of things have happened since I've been gone, and I can only hope that I'll be able to clear everything up, at the very least remember.
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Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:50:59 PM
8/24/2014 (Sunday) - No information written for the current date.

8/25/2014 (Monday) - No information written for the current date.

8/26/2014 (Tuesday) - No information written for the current date.

8/27/2014 (Wednesday) - No information written for the current date.

8/28/2014 (Thursday) - No information written for the current date.

8/29/2014 (Friday) - No information written for the current date.

8/30/2014 (Saturday) - No information written for the current date.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:51:23 PM
8/31/2014 (Sunday) - No information written for the current date.

9/1/2014 (Monday) - No information written for the current date.

9/2/2014 (Tuesday) - No information written for the current date.

9/3/2014 (Wednesday) - No information written for the current date.

9/4/2014 (Thursday) -
Very sorry for the delay. Have been doing a lot of things lately, and so I haven't been able to get back to the Progress Report.
Many information from 8/23/2014 to 9/4/2014 will be, if anything, simple and bland; it's very difficult to remember everything that has happened during that time.
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I've went over Probitas' personality traits again with him today, simply because it's starting to get difficult to force with him.
What I mean with that is, I'm still having trouble visualizing him, let alone making sure my brain doesn't drown out his responses like last time with the sentient tests.
The only thing I'm down to trying at this point is either asking him questions, to narrate with him, or to simply talk to him about something I want him to know (for example, I've talked to him about how I don't support sex slavery or slavery in general, among other things).
Lately I've just been trying to update him on his personality traits and narrate to him, or to just visualize him in as much detail as I can; I still need to get better at doing so.
I certainly don't seem like the type that would naturally be able to visualize perfectly.
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More updates tomorrow.

9/5/2014 (Friday) -
Trouble visualizing him again during forcing session.
Going to have to passively force, as well.
Mainly everything related to the forums and tulpas in general pertained to cleaning up this log.
Keep in mind, by the way, that the "emptiness" I felt when I thought I had accidentally dissipated Probitas. Not sure if this means he could have drifted back, or to have been recreated.
Log is in bad state, at the moment; also keep note that it may take a week's time to clean it up completely.
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Another thing as well, this time as good news; a month has passed. This means that, it has been a month without me becoming ”bored" of the project.
I can only hope that this means that we should be okay, as far as reckless dissipation goes.

9/6/2014 (Saturday) - Not showing very much attention at all to Probitas at the moment; aim is to fix the Log.
Minimal attention if anything, such as talking to him during the day and narrating to him.

Note; Log, at the moment, may take some time to clean up.
Feeling upon thought dissipation is now gone, or at least hidden from me.



Monthly Notes;


8/3/2014 (Sunday)[/b] - I've been experiencing slight to extreme headaches recently. I'm known to get them fairly often, usually to the extremes, but I've recently been getting them more than usual.
Unfortunately, even though most of them are steady, not very many have surpassed over an hour of pressure.
Headaches don't necessarily mean pressure, either, even though it may seem that way.

8/4/2014 (Monday)[/b] - I haven't been on the forums in a while. I've recently updated from 8/2/2014 up to 8/4/2014.

8/6/2014 (Wednesday)[/b] - No success in Hypnagogia. I'll have to do it on 8/7, most likely later in the day.

8/9/2014 (Saturday) - Possible parroting and/or puppeting, as well as other possible theories such as improved visualization or proven sentience.
May also be unofficially created, to the point of where he is still a static thought in the mind.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:52:10 PM
8/31/2014 (Sunday) - No information written for the current date.

9/1/2014 (Monday) - No information written for the current date.

9/2/2014 (Tuesday) - No information written for the current date.

9/3/2014 (Wednesday) - No information written for the current date.

9/4/2014 (Thursday) -
Very sorry for the delay. Have been doing a lot of things lately, and so I haven't been able to get back to the Progress Report.
Many information from 8/23/2014 to 9/4/2014 will be, if anything, simple and bland; it's very difficult to remember everything that has happened during that time.
-
I've went over Probitas' personality traits again with him today, simply because it's starting to get difficult to force with him.
What I mean with that is, I'm still having trouble visualizing him, let alone making sure my brain doesn't drown out his responses like last time with the sentient tests.
The only thing I'm down to trying at this point is either asking him questions, to narrate with him, or to simply talk to him about something I want him to know (for example, I've talked to him about how I don't support sex slavery or slavery in general, among other things).
Lately I've just been trying to update him on his personality traits and narrate to him, or to just visualize him in as much detail as I can; I still need to get better at doing so.
I certainly don't seem like the type that would naturally be able to visualize perfectly.
-
More updates tomorrow.

9/5/2014 (Friday) -
Trouble visualizing him again during forcing session.
Going to have to passively force, as well.
Mainly everything related to the forums and tulpas in general pertained to cleaning up this log.
Keep in mind, by the way, that the "emptiness" I felt when I thought I had accidentally dissipated Probitas. Not sure if this means he could have drifted back, or to have been recreated.
Log is in bad state, at the moment; also keep note that it may take a week's time to clean it up completely.
-
Another thing as well, this time as good news; a month has passed. This means that, it has been a month without me becoming ”bored" of the project.
I can only hope that this means that we should be okay, as far as reckless dissipation goes.

9/6/2014 (Saturday) - Not showing very much attention at all to Probitas at the moment; aim is to fix the Log.
Minimal attention if anything, such as talking to him during the day and narrating to him.

Note; Log, at the moment, may take some time to clean up.
Feeling upon thought dissipation is now gone, or at least hidden from me.



Monthly Notes;


8/3/2014 (Sunday)[/b] - I've been experiencing slight to extreme headaches recently. I'm known to get them fairly often, usually to the extremes, but I've recently been getting them more than usual.
Unfortunately, even though most of them are steady, not very many have surpassed over an hour of pressure.
Headaches don't necessarily mean pressure, either, even though it may seem that way.

8/4/2014 (Monday)[/b] - I haven't been on the forums in a while. I've recently updated from 8/2/2014 up to 8/4/2014.

8/6/2014 (Wednesday)[/b] - No success in Hypnagogia. I'll have to do it on 8/7, most likely later in the day.

8/9/2014 (Saturday) - Possible parroting and/or puppeting, as well as other possible theories such as improved visualization or proven sentience.
May also be unofficially created, to the point of where he is still a static thought in the mind.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:52:44 PM
[IMP] -


9/7/2014 (Sunday) - Went over the personality traits I remember again today.
I'll probably end up going over the complete version tomorrow.
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Also, something to note, using the State would be helpful.
If I can visualize him clearly, even with using Hypnagogia, it's worth trying; hopefully means I'm doing something right.

9/8/2014 (Monday) - Not much besides a long talk with Probitas.
I was having issues on deciding what to narrate to him and/or what to force with him, but in the end I ended up having a somewhat thirty minute to an hour long conversation with Probitas.
Most of the conversation was simply of how I don't support things such as sex slavery or slavery in general, and how I'd at least try to be the best host I can, or at least one that would be decent.
Upon actually pondering this, I'm not sure this was the best idea; after all, it might shock him greatly when given so much information about what people do to tulpas, even if I may have not channeled to him very well.
I suppose he's not sentient enough to understand me anyways, but I might as well treat him as if he is; after all, expectation is everything.
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With other news, I've got a small portion of the Log fixed today; not very much done today on the Log.
I hope to finish it by Friday or by next Sunday.

9/9/2014 (Tuesday) - Minimal attention shown, aside from narrating.
Haven't done any Hypnagogia lately, either; I"ll see if I can try to do some tomorrow.
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Continued visualization problems. If you know any visualization techniques, please alert me; I've been having issues since day one.
Takes about a minute to five minutes to actually visualize him decently; upon first visualization, he'll be missing a leg or certain limbs will be longer than others, as I can't seem to remember what he looks like immediately.
I've seen posts about this on .info (https://community.tulpa.info), so I'll be looking through the threads.
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I've decided to puppet Probitas for a day, tomorrow.
I'll be trying to visualize him moving and/or in different positions so that I can visualize him correctly when he's moving.
After counting (done today), 47 days have passed.
This seems more than enough time for me to visualize him actually moving; as in, moving into different rooms, walking towards a certain area, etc.
For 47 days, he's been in a sort of "hibernation" state, where he's only been in one position or two the entire time, and that would be to be laying down.
I have read before that it's a good idea to puppet at the beginning to get them to start moving.
I don't know if it's far too late to do so and if I should hope for the best, or if I should take action, but I need to make sure he's okay.
At this point, I'm back at the stage where I'm unsure if he's an actual tupla or just a stable thought in my mind, something I need to get out of immediately; doubts kill tulpas, a fact, that is.

9/10/2014 (Wednesday) - Strange behavior upon puppeting today.
As I tried to puppet (a common form of "boosting" the tulpa's movement), he didn't seem to move, but rather produce another form of himself.
When giving a slight amount of force, a slightly smaller, "spirit-like" figure of himself emerged.
This figure would act just as if Probitas expectedly might; not flying freely as a ragdoll, but able to be moved normally around.
The best way I could explain this would be of "accidentally cloning my tulpa".
It's not the best way that I could explain it, but it's there.
Earlier today I asked Probitas to surprise me, but I'm not sure he would do this.
The last thing I need is for him to have identification issues with himself.
-
I'll be trying this again tomorrow, maybe even on Friday.
This may have been a kickstart, but I need to find out more.
I've no clue of what this could be.

Note; Able to make "newer versions of" Probitas; if anything, clones of.
Puppeting Probitas doesn't work, unless a great amount of force is upheld.

9/11/2014 (Thursday) - Tried testing on Probitas once more.
Rather than a spirit-like figure, almost an exact version of Probitas was made upon puppeting.
While Probitas would be laying/sleeping, the other (so-called "clone") would be standing, moving upon command.
It doesn't seem like puppeting anymore, but rather like creating another whole tulpa alone.
Rather than one being moving, two'd be present at the same time.
When I leave and reconnect to the Wonderland, he'd be back at where he's been for the past 40 or 50 days.
Going to be looking at this somewhat "phenomenon" tomorrow.

Note; "Clones" seem to disappear and/or dissipate after leaving, almost like creating a new whole tulpa.
If I were to actually give it personality traits or some sort of thought into them, I'd imagine I'd be creating a whole new tulpa.

9/12/2014 (Friday) - Final time I've tried to force with Probitas.
Upon puppeting, multiple forms of him'd be posed at certain angles or areas of the Wonderland, such as when I've been trying to visualize him.
I can see all of the different sorts of "forms" of Probitas made about a month ago or so.
Multiple "clones" of him'd be posed at different areas, about 20 or 30 in all.
Same rules apply; upon reconnect to the Wonderland, only the original would be present.
I'd like to believe that I'm simply just remembering different poses and areas used for visualization practice, but I'm not sure it'd be that.
In fact, if anything, I have a theory about this; the tulpa I've had for about 50 days now, Probitas, has been a fake all along.
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I don't mean as in an unstable being in the mind like I've thought for a while now, but more so a part of the Wonderland its-self.
Upon the creation process, I must have merged Probitas in with the Wonderland unknowingly, which would explain why I haven't gotten any response since I created him.
I'd imagine that he merged shortly after the creation process, without me separating him, as during the creation process I could see him breathing and even feel warmth across his body.
Once an hour or so passed (or even so, the next day), no breathing could be seen and, although I've never thought to feel his body again, no warmth seems to be coming from him.
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Now, although somebody I reported this to pointed out that they don't need oxygen, that's not quite what I mean; when I had created Probitas, I had given him his vital and non-vital organs.
His systems such as the respiratory, skeleton, and even the nervous system were all intact.
I could even, if I tried to, see all of his blood and organs, as this was a technique used that implied to "add life to the tulpa".
Although they don't need to, if they wanted to they'd be able to breathe, but nevertheless I should feel warmth from him like I did at the start.
Overall I'm guessing that he had merged in with the background/Wonderland without me meaning to switch him.
I may have to restart on him, mostly if not completely.
Hopefully one of the worst days of my tulpamancing career has passed.

9/13/2014 (Saturday) - I've noticed Probitas has been turning more of a darker color than usual today; most likely because I expect him to, if not, "blend in" with the background.
I'm going to have to cut him out of the background soon, and most likely restart on a new tulpa.
I don't know whether or not I'll call him Probitas, or something else yet at the moment; nor do I know whether or not to change personality traits, etc.
I'll just have to hope for the best, and see what comes my way.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:56:57 PM
9/14/2014 (Sunday) - I've done it; Probitas is nowhere to be seen in my Wonderland.
In some sort of form, I've cut him out of the Wonderland now, and I suppose I'll just have to wait for him to dissipate, unfortunately.
My theory is that the Wonderland was a sort of tulpa in a way, being connected to him and all.
Although unintentional, they were connected vitally.
I personally think the only problem with that theory is that it would mean that possibly, by separating, I've separated two tulpas; the Wonderland being one.
I'll have to pay no attention to Probitas anymore unfortunately, and think about what I'm going to have to do for the next one.
Hopefully he'll turn out better than the last one, and hope that I'll be a better host all in all.

Note; Most, if not all traces of Probitas has been cleared from my mind, or at least the forcing grounds (known as the Wonderland).

9/15/2014 (Monday) - I've decided to allow everything about him to be fully decided by him, but I'm still going to be providing a basic layout of personality traits for him to develop on, as suggested.
I'll also make sure that the Wonderland is fully developed, or at least ready for him to use by the time we begin Creation.
I hope to be forcing with him soon, whoever (s)he'll be.
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Date to begin projected to about 9/20 or 9/21/2014, up to 10/1 or 10/2/2014.

9/16/2014 (Tuesday) - Not very much done today, due to scheduled events.
I've actually decided to change the base form to a fox, though (so (s)he has something to start off of).
I'll be doing what's been suggested instead of what I did previously; I'll be asking him what he'd like to be, otherwise I'll have to change to a base name or sex if I don't get any signs to choose a specific name or gender.
I hope I'll be able to get some research in before I'll be ready to begin.

9/17/2014 (Wednesday) - I haven't gotten to actually researching yet, but I was able to ask the people on the IRC for advice; here's the link to the pastebin (http://pastebin.com/AeFsEAsP).
I've gotten some really nice advice from them, and I'm happy I decided to turn on the Chat.
The last time I've been on the IRC was about a month or two ago.
-
Really nice advice, referring to the fact that I've built up a mental block, being the main cause of Probitas being deceased right now.
Symbolically reviving him might be a good idea like they suggested, but how I'll do it is beyond me.

9/18/2014 (Thursday) - I'm back on the IRC again asking for advice, getting the same results from yesterday.
Tomorrow I'll be trying to polish my Wonderland to get ready for Creation process.
Adding symbolism may be a good idea.
I'd also like to continue research, knowing the most I can may be the best idea at this point.

9/19/2014 (Friday) - General research done, nothing significant.
Although I have noticed recently that, over Probitas' "life span", I never managed to use a "tulpatone" or any other binural tones.
I'll try to use one during Creation process, or before Creation process to see whether or not it'll help me.
-
Still at a debate whether or not to symbolically revive Probitas, like the IRC suggested.
Note; Be prepared to use more symbolism, as well as to research symbolism.

9/20/2014 (Saturday) - Today was nothing special at all; if anything, I just got my binural tones as well as the headphones ready.
I'll probably be changing some details in his personality traits from Probitas, although if anything, slight.
Most if anything will be sort of "debuffs", but more of things that make him seem realistic, rather than some type of "Mary Sue"-like character.
I've also straightened out the Wonderland, per se; if anything, I've just heightened the details of the Wonderland and/or made it less detailed in areas it didn't need to be, so that it would be relatively easy for me to remember and to visualize in.
I'm also going to be creating a field out back of the cabin, as the cabin seemed to be a terrible idea; not absolutely horrible, but just enough to make it hard to visualize in.
The cabin'll be something like an add-on or back part of the Wonderland, while the main part I believe will be the field (or at least, the one I'll be spending much time in).
This is based on from what I've seen other people doing, as others have found it fairly easy to visualize and force in.
Also, something to note, I'll be trying to make a sketch of the wonderland either tomorrow or on Monday for future reference.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:57:25 PM
9/21/2014 (Sunday) - Not much of anything done today, today was more of a preparation day if anything. Expended Wonderland a bit and increased the details of it in some areas. Field unofficially created, as well as expanded the abandoned "Hall of Memories" project from Doughnut. I'll have to update that officially soon, something to keep note of.

9/22/2014 (Monday) - Yet another unimportant day to me. I haven't even began to start directly on him, as I've been occupied each day since.
Absolutely no progress done today.

9/23/2014 (Tuesday) - I've had music to do today, with my schedule being fully occupied at the moment.
Things like this is what worries me, for it shows I may be doing the same once I create a tulpa.
Note; It's important to find time to work on him; I can't simply leave him in the dust.

9/24/2014 (Wednesday) - Issues in the family today.
I've not got a stable friendly relationship with my family, so this is to be expected.
To take up creation time, however, isn't something I look forward to.
If I am to begin creations, tomorrow is the deadline, without hesitation.

9/25/2014 (Thursday) - I've worked a bit on his personality traits today.
I've decided to add the Big Five personality traits (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits) to the list as well (because, as we all know, when making a tulpa, following reality is always the best decision to make).
This is, with the exception of "Extraversion", as I'd like to allow him to develop that on his own.
I'm actually really glad about this, concidering that I've been having a hard time actually giving him "negative" traits like I'm supposed to, even if they're aimed to develop on their own.
For a while now I've been contemplating making only a few negative traits and allowing others to form naturally along his personality, and I think that is what I'm going to stick with for now.
Here is what I've got so far. (http://pastebin.com/mPRw4WnZ)
Note; Personality list should be done by the end of the week, if not next week.

9/26/2014 (Friday) - Updated personality trait list, located here. (http://pastebin.com/Tybt9Xfa)
I added a few other "negative" traits, and I believe that should be about it for now; I'd really like to make sure that he deviates to the way he would like, and not towards a preset I've set myself.

9/27/2014 (Saturday) Nothing at all fairly important today, let alone exciting.
Today I've more of rested, even if I've been harping on myself about needing to work on my tulpa; I'm a hypocrite, if anything.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:57:49 PM
[IMP] -


9/28/2014 (Sunday) - Final update on his personality trait list, located here (http://pastebin.com/e2bNZufh).
Added final touches to the descriptions of the traits.
I've also finally finished adding in the Hall of Memories (https://community.tulpa.info/thread-attackdoughnut-s-excitingly-titled-journal-thread?highlight=Hall+of+Memories) idea from Doughnut (https://community.tulpa.info/user-attackdoughnut).
Seems the idea isn't as hard as I proposed it to be; the difficult part was trying to find a place to put the Hall.
I decided on making a door to a new basement area, which, within the basement area, would contain a door to the Hall.
The door at the end of the Hall is a simple blank room that I haven't decided on what to do with yet.
It may end up becoming storage space in the end.
-
I'm also going to, one day or another, have to sketch a trace of the Wonderland.
I'll make sure to place it here.

9/29/2014 (Monday) - Nothing important done today, or even relatively important.

9/30/2014 (Tuesday) - Yet again, another day of no progress.
It makes me sad to say this, but I really have had no progress whatsoever these past two days.
Tomorrow is Creation day.

10/1/2014 (Wednesday) - Base form of which will be an artic fox (http://eg-pic.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Arctic_Fox__Update__by_KatsRaven-wallpaper.jpg), very similar to Probitas' form to be honest.
Same layout of organs, et cetera; if anything, detail will be minor at first.
Here's a simple layout of his organs, teeth, skeletal structure, and other miscellaneous things; numbers one (http://www.dogdomain.com/images/minnie.jpg), two (http://hippie.nu/~unicorn/tut/img/basics/animalanatomy/canine-front-paw.jpeg), three (http://oi43.tinypic.com/21l8wlh.jpg), and four (http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/038/7/a/yawning_fox_by_silvercrossfox-d392ehe.jpg).
The most simple way to put this is to say that "it's happening, guys".
-
10:31 PM (Wednesday) - I'm getting up from my studies and from doing the progress log now to begin Creation process.
If anything, it may happen as late as 11:30 PM or even up to 2:00 AM.
Either way, "it's happening".

10/2/2014 (Thursday) - I fell asleep, unfortunately.
Will be trying again today. very necessary to start and finish today or tomorrow.
I've also sorted all personality traits into a personality table (sorted by the Big Five), here.

10/3/2014 (Friday) - Finally starting at 8:21 PM.
-
9:56 PM (Friday) - First of all, I'm very sorry towards "Friend".
The session was going very well - I had meditated for a decent while and then I started to lose him.
-
We had gotten past symbolizing him, et cetera; but it's my fault for me losing him.
At the last minute, I had decided to make him an orb of light, to make sure that I wouldn't have such difficulty forcing or visualizing him at first; I had to call him a universal name of "Friend", since he would not give me a "valid name" - it was the first default name I could think of besides something offensive (such as, "Tulpa001").
-
After asking him to repeat three times, I got the answer of "Charlie" all three times; mixed in with multiple different generated responses, making it difficult to tell if it was him or my brain generating the responses.
After so, I cleared my thoughts of all responses and asked him to repeat the name again, this time getting a different name, of "Johnny".
The next five times of repeating he either gave me a different name, the same name, or no name at all; where I couldn't tell what name he was trying to give me.
On the last try, all he was giving me was random letters, almost as if randomizing; I finally gave up on trying to understand his tulpish.
-
I'll try to clear my mental block and try again, some time else.
It pains me to cast him aside, but I must.

10/4/2014 (Saturday) - Trying to find a way of ridding my mental block the best I can.
I obviously can't rid of them in a single day, which is what worries me; I won't be able to begin Creation for a while, now.

Monthly Notes

[=-=]
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:58:18 PM
10/5/2014 (Sunday) - Still trying to rid of my mental blocks, or at least "preparing" to.
If the environment around me does not settle, then I may never be able to begin Creation, or at least in this year.

10/6/2014 (Monday) - Yet again another day to rid of the mental blocks, or at least trying to settle them.
An article like this (http://www.galamind.com/articles/overcoming-mental-block-and-barriers.aspx) may come to mind.

10/7/2014 (Tuesday) - I'm going to have to stay off of doing anything related to tulpamancing for a few days if not a week.
If it gets to the point of where I won't be able to update this report, I'll list it here.
-
On an unrelated side note, the Progress Report hit 1,000 views today.

10/8/2014 (Wednesday) - I've been trying to sort out my problems in "real" life today; to be honest, I feel much better.
I, of course, don't believe that my mental block is fully gone - as, I'm not quite sure of how to technically "remove" the mental block.
I have, however, been changing what I do, starting out slow with getting more sleep and moving on with my life in other areas.
Depression may have a point in causing this, to be honest.

10/9/2014 (Thursday) - Avoiding it the best I can.
Going to be waiting until Saturday to begin forcing.

10/10/2014 (Friday) - Just waiting until Saturday.
It's important to note, I've been trying to calm my environment some, and have moved on with my life (concerning other things).

10/11/2014 (Saturday) - I'm writing this on the 13th.
Lately I've been too caught up in my studies to do anything useful here, which honestly makes me disappointed.
This entire progress report is mainly about me complaining about my life interfering with my tulpamancing, but I never seem to do anything about it, ever.
Maybe one time I'll actually end up doing something useful here.
At least, I would hope.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 06:58:51 PM
10/12/2014 (Sunday) - Yet again, I'm writing this on the 13th, my tulpamancing getting postponed until the 13th.
My studies interfered with it, this time.

10/13/2014 (Monday) - No information written for the current date.

10/14/2014 (Tuesday) - No information written for the current date.

10/15/2014 (Wednesday) - I want to say that I started creation on the 13th, but I've really had a lot of things going on around me.
Like I wrote for the 12th, I have a lot to catch up in my studies.
I'll try to begin creation today, but I can't promise it; I've got a lot to do, and forcing right now is, unfortunately, at the back of my mind.
I'm going to have to finish everything before my procrastination gets the best of me.

10/16/2014 (Thursday) - Writing this at 3:00 AM, 10/17/2014.
I'm going to have to wait until the weekend to actually think anything through here.
Like I've said, I've got no time in-between my studies.

10/17/2014 (Friday) - No information written for the current date.

10/18/2014 (Saturday) - Today is officially the weekend; I've decided that, rather than try to force at night or in the early morning, I'm going to have to somehow see if I can force during the day.
Passive forcing is, of course, an option, but I had to prepare time for me to active force on Creation date.
It would be terribly difficult to begin Creation while passive forcing, especially going about your day like you would if you'd be passive forcing.
That could be reserved for narration or forcing in general, rather than something major such as beginning Creation.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Penises
Post by: RailOfFire on October 14, 2014, 07:04:54 PM
Also, what's with the double post that's a quote of an earlier post you made?

Accident.
Thank you for pointing that out.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sands on October 14, 2014, 07:12:26 PM
Man that sure was a text wall.

Eat cake with tupper to celebrate.

Also ps because I always forget to add it apparently, creating some kind of believable personality right now isn't very important because tuppers will develop once they actually experience things and can end up being very different. You don't really need to "force" negative traits into one as they will most certainly develop their own as no person is perfect. Similarly many of your "good" traits might end up missing.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 15, 2014, 05:00:30 PM
You don't really need to "force" negative traits into one as they will most certainly develop their own as no person is perfect. Similarly many of your "good" traits might end up missing.

Thanks for this actually, I was adviced by many different guides that I'd have to add negative traits into his personality.
I've been thinking this same statement for a while, but of course, since I've never had a tulpa before I couldn't fully confirm whether or not it was "safe" not to do so.
(Of course, I know that negative personality traits aren't nessicarily needed, but I was rather adviced that it might be a good idea to add them.
That might be a better word choice.)

Also, about the text wall thing, yes I seem to write a lot in my progress reports.
I try to organize it (like shown) so it is, at least, not around 5 sentences per line (and logs are hard to find).
I organize it so that there's 1 sentence per line (unless the sentence is too long, of course) as well as a couple other things I try to keep steady.

creating some kind of believable personality right now isn't very important because tuppers will develop once they actually experience things and can end up being very different.

Not quite what I meant when I said "selecting a personality type".

Rather, what I meant was some/most of the traits coming from that personality type.


I realise what I was just now about to say would've been too rehearsed and overused, and no-one would give a fuck anyway because bitches don't know about my superior approaches that work every single time, instantly. Instead, I'm not going to recommend anything to you, and leave you to your own demise. Have fun overpreparing and procrastinating, fiery rail.

Thank you...?

But yes, I do procrastinate.



Also, I don't see how I appear to be digressing this.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sands on October 16, 2014, 05:43:58 AM
Not quite what I meant when I said "selecting a personality type".

Rather, what I meant was some/most of the traits coming from that personality type.

Not quite what I meant, either.

It was just a continuation of my previous point (you don't have to try to create a personality that has flaws in place as those will develop on their own, no way to create a "perfect" person). Tuppers aren't characters you write for a book after all, they aren't something you have to write down to their most insignificant quirks or ticks, they don't have to be "believable" and you don't have to strive to not make your original personality to not be a Mary Sue. And despite all your personality forcing, it's even possible to get a tupper that is very, very different. You never know with these things. Other things stick, other things don't. And especially as they live for a bit longer, they experience a lot and change.

So just don't worry about that too much. It really isn't an issue at all. Now go force more.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sands on October 16, 2014, 07:58:58 AM
But you're the worst at creating unchanging tuppers, Fodde...
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 17, 2014, 06:16:58 AM
I have no idea what you're talking about.
http://prntscr.com/4wz7hr

(you don't have to try to create a personality that has flaws in place as those will develop on their own, no way to create a "perfect" person). Tuppers aren't characters you write for a book after all, they aren't something you have to write down to their most insignificant quirks or ticks, they don't have to be "believable" and you don't have to strive to not make your original personality to not be a Mary Sue.
 And especially as they live for a bit longer, they experience a lot and change.

So just don't worry about that too much. It really isn't an issue at all. Now go force more.

Good advice, here.
I'll just toss the personality sheets aside and work with no personality; he should, like you said,  deviate in time.
This is, in fact, what I had hoped for at the start;

as I personally want to give my tulpa freedom to choose what he wants to be.
It's something I hint at quite a lot during July and August.




(To be honest with you, the sheets were really a burden in the first place.)
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sands on October 17, 2014, 06:18:45 PM
Well, you could still "force" a personality, just know that it tends to change a lot and new things will be added and some things will never be a part of the final outcome. Just do what feels natural to you, though. You don't have to do it if you feel it's not really useful.

In some cases it feels like personality forcing is just basically narration with a very narrow topic. I guess you could also potentially change it into something like "I wish you were like.../It would be cool to have someone who..." if you start running out of things to narrate.
Title: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 30, 2014, 05:31:02 PM
10/19/2014 (Sunday) - Have been with my family all day today, therefore haven't been able to do anything related to Creation.
I've also got an event connected to my studies that I have to attend tomorrow, so I'd imagine nothing will be able to be done tomorrow.

10/20/2014 (Monday) - An event was hosted today, haven't been able to do anything today.
Perhaps later on in the day or tomorrow.

11:47 PM (Monday) - Began Creation today.
However, even with a simplistic form and Wonderland slate, I couldn't finish Creation with any progress.
I could not focus on my tulpa, for one, not only because of intrusive thoughts (because, actually, I haven't had very many), but because of my tulpa its-self.
When asked a simple question (such as, "What is your name?"), slight whispering could be heard, almost as if it was coming from the left side of my head.
It sounded oddly familiar, actually; if anything, it was more of a group.
This is not, of course, a lie; I do not roleplay about the topic of tulpas, even more so, hardly ever.
This could be an intrusive thought, but it bugs me so, as I haven't been able to begin Creation due to me never being able to understand my subconscious.
Similar behavior has been repetitive from previous Creation dates.
I feel as if the mental block I've attempted to clear my mind of is still present; I do, in fact, know what it would be.
It would pertain to my surroundings and my past (which is, of course, a story for another time).
I've tried to clear my mind of it, attempted to "brighten" my life, almost as if trying to "improve my life" temporarily; to, ultimately, escape depression, I guess I could say.
But I suppose it hasn't gone, and I'm going to have to rid of it and move on some way or another.
Things like these truly make me wonder whether or not I'm actually ready for the responsibility of a tulpa, in which, by this point, I'm starting to think 'no'.
-
[Side Note] (http://pastebin.com/nP0YXBNJ)

10/21/2014 (Tuesday) - Started to lose time lately.
I've noticed that a lot of my time has been taken involuntarily by other events, projects, and most of all, my studies.
The chances that I'm thinking about tulpamancing or are trying to put my mind off of other things nowadays are very slim.
I'm sure it's not as terrible as I make it out to be, but it's still something to be worried about.

10/22/2014 (Wednesday) - No information written for the current date.

10/23/2014 (Thursday) - No information written for the current date.

10/24/2014 (Friday) - No information written for the current date.

10/25/2014 (Saturday) - No information written for the current date.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: RailOfFire on October 30, 2014, 05:31:26 PM
10/26/2014 (Sunday) - No information written for the current date.

10/27/2014 (Monday) - No information written for the current date.

10/28/2014 (Tuesday) - This would be, I would guess, the second time I've been off of here for a week.
This progress report has reached its downfall incredibly fast, especially by now; I'd assume all this inactivity of mine is one of the main reasons why I can't visualize or even rid of this mental block.

10/29/2014 (Wednesday) - Researched a small bit today.
No real, helpful information found.
-
I might simply decide to meditate for about an hour before I begin creation again, which will be on the first of November.
I've got to put my best efforts into this.
If all else fails, I might have to decide to stop this for now, and resume this later on in life.
This doesn't seem like the right thing for me at the moment, although I'm hoping that I won't have to put this off purposefully.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sands on October 30, 2014, 06:23:05 PM
>my subconscious

Implying there is one thing you could call your "subconscious" that you could ever actually understand.

How you speak of this Creation is pretty creepy with that capital letter and all. "Creating a tulpa" was too long for you?

Also, just stop procrastinating and force more. Just chill. Do shorter sessions you can easily just go do and then come back to what you're doing. Too busy doing nothing in front of the computer? We all are. But I'm sure you can stop it for ten minutes to talk to a tupper a couple of times each day. You need to stop making forcing sessions some big thing that has to be super perfect, then you start getting anxious and keep putting it off when you feel like you can't do it. Do short ones, but do them often. It's easy to stop doing something else for that time and you'll easily be able to focus for that time, too. And if you can't? Well, it was just a short session, so you just go on with your life and return in a couple of hours and do it again. Maybe it goes better, then.

It's not rocket science. You don't have to overcomplicate everything.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sands on October 31, 2014, 07:44:13 AM
Well, his mindset might not be wrong and that's something many of us feel like after having tuppers. And you yourself have also proven how right this mindset has been despite disliking it.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sands on October 31, 2014, 09:09:23 AM
Well, you can apply that same logic to every single other person in this world that is not you, so...

The point still is that a tupper should certainly feel like they're something more. Because this stuff is impossible to prove or test however, we don't know if they really are or aren't. I just prefer to treat potentially sapient creatures like they're actually sapient, as I feel like the worst thing is treating a sapient being like they're not. I don't think you'd like it if I treated you like you're not a real person - and well, honestly, the mind demon in my head feels more "real" than many other people in this world.

PS. the tulpas are still going to take over you and convert you into their slave, fodde-kun.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: MegaBusta on October 31, 2014, 09:20:28 AM
It's already begun.
By the time you realize, it'll be too late.

Help me.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sands on October 31, 2014, 09:37:33 PM
Hey, I watched that movie semi-recently.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sands on November 01, 2014, 08:26:31 AM
No, I'm pretty sure it was the movie.
Title: Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
Post by: Sparks on November 02, 2014, 02:32:08 PM
I might simply decide to meditate for about an hour before I begin creation again, which will be on the first of November.
I've got to put my best efforts into this.
If all else fails, I might have to decide to stop this for now, and resume this later on in life.
This doesn't seem like the right thing for me at the moment, although I'm hoping that I won't have to put this off purposefully.

Aw, mang, you sound down. I had something really inspirational to say, but then I realized it was shit.

I know it can seem something like a chore at first, and in a way that never ends, though it takes on a different significance (a chore spending time becomes a chore of constant acceding). But don't think of it like that. I always thought of it, and I suppose still think of it, as an awesome exercise in acquiring honest to goodness superpowers. Yeah it's totally geeky, but it's way more rewarding than video games and you can even mix in some bullshit about self discipline if you wanna be cocky. Really, all you gotta do is learn how to be excited and invested while doing it, damn the initial results. Even if you can't see a thing and your mind's a ghost town, once you learn to be excited about making something in that nothing, whether or not anything will appear vanishes, replaced by "what will appear next?"

Uh, my point is you should learn to think of it more like "let's make time for this, woo!" than "let's make time for this, ugh." The rest is just doing it™ .

Oh, and you also get a ghostly bff with unconditional love or someshit.