Author Topic: Sara - My first tulpa  (Read 9515 times)

Sara - My first tulpa
« on: October 01, 2014, 06:29:06 PM »
This is to keep a log of my progress with my half-assed attempts with creating a tulpa Sara.

Background
I have been using a personal character archetype named Sara for various RPGs and games for a long time. I started using this archetype 5ish years ago originally in a game just for something different to be looking at. It felt right so I kept using it. Eventually I used it in something that needed personality.

It has gotten to a point where today she feels like a real person, just one that I don't know very well.

Form
A redhead woman, about 17, with loose curls and at times with a few braids. Her face is covered in freckles, she is around 5 feet tall, she has green eyes, thin, and smaller breasts. At times she has body mods like facial piercings or tattoos. This is most how I see her:



Personality
She is somebody that could kick ass when needed, was honest to a fault, kind, physically weak, strong emotionally, cynical, a smart ass, amongst other traits. She has since taken on likes and some dislikes. I envision her with an irish accent and a really nice voice. Working with her to sing would be a nice long term goal.

Sara is a huge hippie and a very down-to-earth no-nonsense celtic wiccan. She runs around in bare feet to be closer to the earth. Her clothes are mostly baggy and flowing, though at times she likes to show off.

She likes rock and loves rock from the 90s, especially alt, prog, and heavy metal.

Wonderland
My wonderland is a cottage in the forest next to a river. The cottage is cozy, two fireplaces, looking a lot like the picture below with less flowers and more trees. Inside there is a reading nook which houses my memories, a fireplace kitchen, and a bed for Sara. I made an image album of examples. There is a path leading out into the forest.



Creation Progress
When I started reading about tulpas a few days ago I was instantly hooked and knew that Sara could well become one. I already feel her presence in a small way, normally behind me. And have felt emotional responses to a few things I think of.

As she already feels like a person, I think I want to not force too much on her unless there is a trait that pops up that's not desirable. I'm thinking hands off would be better.

So this is our log.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2014, 01:37:38 AM by geek »
Black then white are all I see in my infancy. red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine. Drawn beyond the lines of reason. Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Re: Sara - My first tulpa
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2014, 06:29:15 PM »
First posting:

Been trying to narrate but finding it hard to come up with things to talk about. "Any topic" is too broad for me, so I stammer. Did some time, I don't know how long, just before sleeping tonight puppeting her dancing to the music I had going. I prefer passive forcing, I have a good amount of responsibilities that keep me pretty busy so it works far better. I've found it easier to narrate to her while driving as I'm not paying attention to myself talking as much, pretending I'm talking to a cordless headset helps more.

My wonderland is very raw still. It's still just a generic forest. I might finish this before forcing more. Thought about putting a little cabin in there for things like a memory library and a place for her to just be.

I am a visual person that can't draw, so I might have pictures drawn of her and wonderland done eventually. I'd definitely want to flesh things out more first.

Advice on practical things to narrate that doesn't sound like ridiculously talking to myself would be appreciated.
Black then white are all I see in my infancy. red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine. Drawn beyond the lines of reason. Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Re: Sara - My first tulpa
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2014, 06:46:53 PM »
As she already feels like a person, I think I want to not force too much on her unless there is a trait that pops up that's not desirable.

Well uh, why would you try to stiffle a tupper growing up into their own person and force your own ideals down their throat? I'm not sure if there's even any true way to "force" a personality as eventually they will grow with their experiences that are outside your control, but still. Of course if something is annoying, you could just tell them that it's bothering you. I'm sure they would appreciate that more than you trying to erase a part of them.

What do you like? What are you hobbies? What kind of a job do you have? You could explain those to her down to the smallest of details. Is there some topic you know a lot about like say, cats? Why not tell her everything you know about that. Why not try this little trick where you go in your wonderland and look up at the sky, seeing the clouds. Whatever the clouds remind you of, say everything you know about it. You could also involve the tupper in that more and instead make them create pictures or whatever of the thing they want to know more about and then you narrate that.

Re: Sara - My first tulpa
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2014, 03:56:56 AM »
Updates to the main post. I'll try to keep it updated with my overall progress on a semi-regular basis.

Second posting:

I did a wonderland session mostly to check out the cabin that I added, although it turned into a forcing session as Sara was there. I talked to her a bit about skyrim sessions I played with her as my character. She was definitely there with me but her form was more ethereal and a feeling then her actual form. But, narrating to her is still awkward for me. I feel like I'm recounting stories to myself that I obviously already remember.

I tried to walk through the cabin to see it but maybe I didn't do enough preperations, like a floor plan, because I was taken right out of wonderland due to it... but here's the awesome thing, I think I heard her.

It was a light woman's voice, with either a scottish or irish accent it sounded like it was coming out of a bad phone connection, through static. I think she said, "You forgot your sweets" or "You're forgetting your sweets". I didn't bring any candy into wonderland so I consider it incoherent. I strongly believe it was her. I don't think I'll ever forget it.
Black then white are all I see in my infancy. red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine. Drawn beyond the lines of reason. Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Re: Sara - My first penis
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2014, 06:04:57 AM »
Static, you say? Were you using the mismatch hallucination technique I prescribe in my guide?

Also, Scottish and Irish accents are the best. And Northern English dialects.

Re: Sara - My first tulpa
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2014, 06:11:21 AM »
Maybe you could try bringing candy next time.

As for feeling like you're just talking to yourself, do a little test. How does it feel like when you talk to yourself? How does it feel like when you talk to an object? How does it feel like when you talk to another person? How does it feel like when you talk to a pet? And then, how does it feel like when you talk to the tupper? Obviously, if it feels at all different than talking to yourself, even the slightest, tiniest bit... That might be caused by something, right? Maybe it's because you actually aren't talking to yourself? Otherwise it would feel the same.

Re: Sara - My first tulpa
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2014, 07:58:04 AM »
Static, you say? Were you using the mismatch hallucination technique I prescribe in my guide?

Also, Scottish and Irish accents are the best. And Northern English dialects.

No was just very tired, failing at doing some lucid dreaming. I did have a bit of music on, some non-intrusive "world music". The vocalization woke me right up though.

I think lucid dreaming will be my best bet for forcing, I've been close to it before so I know it's obtainable for me.

West Irish accents are the best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrAyceKXXtk

Maybe you could try bringing candy next time.

As for feeling like you're just talking to yourself, do a little test. How does it feel like when you talk to yourself? How does it feel like when you talk to an object? How does it feel like when you talk to another person? How does it feel like when you talk to a pet? And then, how does it feel like when you talk to the tupper? Obviously, if it feels at all different than talking to yourself, even the slightest, tiniest bit... That might be caused by something, right? Maybe it's because you actually aren't talking to yourself? Otherwise it would feel the same.

I was thinking of bringing candy, guess I'll use that as a narration point as well. Bring a different candy every time I force, maybe use it as a reward?

Honestly, it feels like talking to myself. Note, this might also be my sheer contempt for talking about inane stuff. I'm planning to do some more in depth narration soon, I'm trying to get my wonderland prepared now though. My thinking there is if I strengthen my image of wonderland I can focus harder on forcing. I need to spend more of the time I'm already short on in wonderland. I am very happy with progress so far so I feel like I can afford time to do stuff like flesh out wonderland.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2014, 08:06:42 AM by geek »
Black then white are all I see in my infancy. red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine. Drawn beyond the lines of reason. Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Re: Sara - My penis tulpa
« Reply #7 on: October 03, 2014, 10:54:08 AM »
No was just very tired, failing at doing some lucid dreaming. I did have a bit of music on, some non-intrusive "world music". The vocalization woke me right up though.

I think lucid dreaming will be my best bet for forcing, I've been close to it before so I know it's obtainable for me.

West Irish accents are the best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrAyceKXXtk
Here. Imagine a mish-mash northern accent that incorporates the qualities of Edinburgh, Liverpool, and Newcastle, and you'll have something that closely resembles the voice of a tulip I used to have. You know, since we're talking about voices and all. I wonder how many could stand listening to that, let alone hallucinate it. Also as a bonus, go watch Moone Boy. It's about some boy in Western Ireland who has an imaginary buddy, and it's pretty funny. So it's relevant because tuppers and thick accents. Because I'm thinking we both share an interest in those things.

Re: Sara - My first tulpa
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2014, 05:55:54 PM »
Third posting:

Been trying to force for the past few days and I only last night was I able to talk to her. I have a hard time focusing on my wonderland, which I don't understand, it's someplace I'd want to be but every time I try to focus on it I'm dropped out of meditation. Which is really frustrating because I don't have a lot of time to force.

After hearing her the other day, I no longer felt her around. I didn't feel her essence anywhere, which is normally behind me and to the right. I was so excited to hear her though it didn't matter much. I continued not to feel her for about a day, until late late last night forcing which I got to narrate to her. No more mention of sweets, or anything for that matter.

I'm in this for the long haul, but I guess I'm spoiled that I got to hear her so soon. I just want to talk to her. I'd much prefer a dialog then narration. Narration still feel like talking to myself. I've tried reading a book, I've tried recalling epic games that I was playing with her as the character, and I've tried talking about things I know well. It all feels like talking to myself, in a bad way. Yes, I am talking to her not at her and not to the air in general. I don't know what to do on this front. I guess I'll just push through it.

The thing that worries me most is not being able to stay focused on wonderland, maybe I should try some other setting? None come to mind really, none that I'd want to be wonderland anyway.

I wish there was a more practical wonderland guide then irish's. I'd do one but I'm not even good at my own wonderland. I need it spelled out sometimes.
Black then white are all I see in my infancy. red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine. Drawn beyond the lines of reason. Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Re: Sara - My first tulpa
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2014, 06:41:27 PM »
Well it's relatively normal that sometimes you lose the feeling of the tupper. Seems to me like sometimes they're just doing their own things and aren't really paying much attention to you this time. Not like we're the most interesting thing always either, you know. But hey, nothing wrong with that. I guess you could just ask her to tell you before she does it in case you start getting too worried.

There honestly is no way to write a wonderland guide that isn't just "imagine a place, bam, that's your wonderland". I guess what you want to look for is more along the lines of concentration help than anything. Is there a reason why you really need/want a wonderland for your forcing sessions, though? Are you using that to visualize the tupper constantly during the session and want to be like, somewhere? Sometimes you could try to do your forcing sessions without any kind of visualization, I did that early on myself as I felt like visuals just were a bit distracting.

If you want to use it to visualize the tupper's form, you could use any kind of backdrop - or none at all. I used a black void for a long time, for example. Less to keep track of when I wasn't all that good at it, you know? You could also use the real world and just concentrate on seeing the tupper there, it could be an interesting experience as well. Or you could just use their presence rather than their form occasionally.

You could try to mix it up a little. If something feels like it's not working out, you can either keep at it to see if it gets better as sometimes you need some training to really make it stick... Or then you just change it and see where you end up. And working on things one by one isn't a bad idea either. Maybe first concentrate on making it easy for you to talk to the tupper without visualizing them at all, maybe then learning to visualize their body properly before you try to visualize them against a complicated backdrop. Anything that feels like it could work.

Re: Sara - My first tulpa
« Reply #10 on: October 06, 2014, 01:59:58 AM »
updated personality in the op a little bit.

I guess you could just ask her to tell you before she does it in case you start getting too worried.

I will do that, it wasn't too disturbing and I knew that she was around, but some signal she's going away for a bit would be nice.

I guess what you want to look for is more along the lines of concentration help than anything.

Probably. Any good guides for me?

Is there a reason why you really need/want a wonderland for your forcing sessions, though? Are you using that to visualize the tupper constantly during the session and want to be like, somewhere?

A little sentimental but, I want a place for her to live. You think I'm trying too hard on this, don't you.

If you want to use it to visualize the tupper's form, you could use any kind of backdrop - or none at all. I used a black void for a long time, for example. Less to keep track of when I wasn't all that good at it, you know? You could also use the real world and just concentrate on seeing the tupper there, it could be an interesting experience as well. Or you could just use their presence rather than their form occasionally.

Yea, I think not being able to see the details as I'd want them annoys me to the point of distraction. Black back drop would probably be better.

And working on things one by one isn't a bad idea either. Maybe first concentrate on making it easy for you to talk to the tupper without visualizing them at all, maybe then learning to visualize their body properly before you try to visualize them against a complicated backdrop. Anything that feels like it could work.

Tip of the day. Maybe I'm doing too much at once. Thanks for the reply, it helps.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2014, 04:08:12 AM by geek »
Black then white are all I see in my infancy. red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine. Drawn beyond the lines of reason. Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Re: Soro - Mo forst tolpo
« Reply #11 on: October 06, 2014, 04:47:10 AM »
I guess what you want to look for is more along the lines of concentration help than anything.

Probably. Any good guides for me?

Aight, so like, there's this guide
Is there a reason why you really need/want a wonderland for your forcing sessions, though? Are you using that to visualize the tupper constantly during the session and want to be like, somewhere?

A little sentimental but, I want a place for her to live. You think I'm trying too hard on this, don't you.

I think it's completely fine to have a home for her in the wonderland; she has a place of her own to stay when she just wants alone time. Having a tupper that's constantly present and seemingly has no life of their own is either unrealistic or really fucked up.

Of course, then there are also the tuppers that have nothing better to do than to watch what the physical body is doing every blinking minute. Vice versa with some hosts doing nothing but watching the body when switching with the tulip, because they also have nothing better to do at all. I'm being serious; that is only what they do.

If you want to use it to visualize the tupper's form, you could use any kind of backdrop - or none at all. I used a black void for a long time, for example. Less to keep track of when I wasn't all that good at it, you know? You could also use the real world and just concentrate on seeing the tupper there, it could be an interesting experience as well. Or you could just use their presence rather than their form occasionally.

Yea, I think not being able to see the details as I'd want them annoys me to the point of distraction. Black back drop would probably be better.

Open-eyed visualisation feels significantly different from closed-eyed visualisation. It gives one a base for visualising proportions correctly and keep everything stable, whereas everything in your head once your eyes are closed can easily become malformed or disproportionate if you're not good at visualising. Just saying.

Re: Sara - My first tulpa
« Reply #12 on: October 06, 2014, 06:55:42 AM »
We quotetrain now.

Probably. Any good guides for me?

Well afraid I didn't really turn to any guides myself so I got no personal experience of what's a good guide and what isn't, so I guess I'll leave this to those who have. Or you could just use search-fu and see what sounds good, this is luckily one of those things that isn't just about tuppers so you can find concentration and focus exercises all over the internet.

A little sentimental but, I want a place for her to live. You think I'm trying too hard on this, don't you.

Nothing wrong with that. But it doesn't mean that just because you have a wonderland, you need to do all your forcing there. You can change the backdrop, bring the tupper to another place. Nothing's really stopping you. While you're not forcing somewhere else, the tupper can live in the usual wonderland.

Be sure to try open-eyed visualization sometimes too. Or maybe even some early imposition for kicks. You never know what's going to be easier for you before you try.

Re: Sara - My first tulpa
« Reply #13 on: October 08, 2014, 11:34:59 PM »
So there's like this dude named Fede that thinks you should give it an earnest try or two because he feels you've ignored his precious guide, since it has a bunch of tips and techniques for other stuff about which you've already asked, and there's no way anyone could read a guide like that and then ask about stuff for which it already provides help. And like, that guide spells out a lot of shit for the reader, in spite of the fact that it is nonetheless a guide.

I haven't ignored it, and I did read it, but much it didn't feel like it was it for me. Although, the realism of personality and hypnagogic definitely hit home and I have been keeping them in mind.

I think it's completely fine to have a home for her in the wonderland; she has a place of her own to stay when she just wants alone time. Having a tupper that's constantly present and seemingly has no life of their own is either unrealistic or really fucked up.

Of course, then there are also the tuppers that have nothing better to do than to watch what the physical body is doing every blinking minute. Vice versa with some hosts doing nothing but watching the body when switching with the tulip, because they also have nothing better to do at all. I'm being serious; that is only what they do.

Well, of course I want a place for her, and I am still planning it out. However, I was referring to trying to hard instead of just letting it come or forcing while on a black backdrop. I think on a black backdrop until I'm more versed would be better/

Open-eyed visualisation feels significantly different from closed-eyed visualisation. It gives one a base for visualising proportions correctly and keep everything stable, whereas everything in your head once your eyes are closed can easily become malformed or disproportionate if you're not good at visualising. Just saying.[/justify]

I want to work on my closed eye first. But I know that there is a place for open eye.



We quotetrain now.

Choo-choo

Well afraid I didn't really turn to any guides myself so I got no personal experience of what's a good guide and what isn't, so I guess I'll leave this to those who have. Or you could just use search-fu and see what sounds good, this is luckily one of those things that isn't just about tuppers so you can find concentration and focus exercises all over the internet.

Thanks. I have been looking, but I'd figure I'd ask if you knew of some better ones.

Nothing wrong with that. But it doesn't mean that just because you have a wonderland, you need to do all your forcing there.

Again, tip of the day, I think that was my original mindset. I'm no longer in that mindset, I'm doing current surroundings but closed eye, see below.

You can change the backdrop, bring the tupper to another place. Nothing's really stopping you. While you're not forcing somewhere else, the tupper can live in the usual wonderland.

Be sure to try open-eyed visualization sometimes too. Or maybe even some early imposition for kicks. You never know what's going to be easier for you before you try.

Open eye is definitely harder for me. I have already tried it. With closed eye I can at least see the things is some rudimentary form. I have started to do closed eye but using my surroundings as a backdrop. Putting my tulpa next to me or nearby. Not having to focus too much on creating my perfect wonderland and just accepting my surroundings has been working quite well for me.



Fourth Posting:

So something changed the past few days and suddenly I no longer feel like I'm talking to myself. There are times I feel her "essence" and then start talking, and it no longer feel like talking to myself. I'm getting incomplete thoughts and flashes of images which I guess is called Tulpish? Anyway, that's what I'm getting now. However, it very easy to understand these, and I reform them into sentences in my head.

I haven't said this yet but a little while back I told my wife about her. There was a little apprehension at first, but then she told me she had something similar to a tulpa in her early 20s. She tells me it looked a lot like Mushu from Milan. I offered to help her and she agreed that it would be cool to bring him back. So everything went better then expected there.

So I need to get into some kind of regime with forcing, I passive force a few times a day but regular active forcing needs to happen more I think. I've been trying to narrate the ins and outs of witchcraft to her and she has access to my memories for this as well. I used to be pretty deep into it. I'm going to try active visualization forcing for about 30 minutes in the morning when I get home from work.

Sara already seems to have a good grasp of the more basic things about life. I credit her access to my memories for this, but I don't know, it could also be that I've been unconsciously passively forcing the whole time I've been creating her as a character.

The whole idea of tupla is coming very naturally to me, there isn't much I doubt about it, even though I'm normally a pretty big skeptic. Something about tulpa just feels right. One thing I'm struggling with though is that Sara is starting to show interest in sexuality. I'm not sure I want our relationship to go down that path even though I don't want her to be denied information.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2014, 12:32:29 AM by geek »
Black then white are all I see in my infancy. red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine. Drawn beyond the lines of reason. Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Re: Sara - My first Tupla
« Reply #14 on: October 09, 2014, 02:00:01 AM »
So there's like this dude named Fede that thinks you should give it an earnest try or two because he feels you've ignored his precious guide, since it has a bunch of tips and techniques for other stuff about which you've already asked, and there's no way anyone could read a guide like that and then ask about stuff for which it already provides help. And like, that guide spells out a lot of shit for the reader, in spite of the fact that it is nonetheless a guide.

I haven't ignored it, and I did read it, but much it didn't feel like it was it for me. Although, the realism of personality and hypnagogic definitely hit home and I have been keeping them in mind.
I haven't said this yet but a little while back I told my wife about her. There was a little apprehension at first, but then she told me she had something similar to a tulpa in her early 20s. She tells me it looked a lot like Mushu from Milan. I offered to help her and she agreed that it would be cool to bring him back. So everything went better then expected there.

You probably don't know this, but there's this relatively old member of the community named TulpaCouple. It's a married couple named Kate and Nate. Kate originally made a little Pokeymang-like tupper, and later inspired Nate to make an android tupper. Now they're both crazy in love (I'm funny). Maybe we'll end up with a TulpaCouple v2 in your case.

One thing I'm struggling with though is that Sara is starting to show interest in sexuality. I'm not sure I want our relationship to go down that path even though I don't want her to be denied information.

It's very natural for tuppers at some point to show an interest in fucking their hosts, and vice versa. Colonel can attest to this.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2014, 03:56:31 AM by Fede »