Tulpa Network
Tulpas => Tulpa Diaries => Topic started by: terrorofdeeth255 on July 27, 2015, 07:59:34 AM
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Hi all, I'm TerrorofDeeth, or ToD. I recently read about the concept of tulpa while searching through other related concepts.
I figured pretty quickly after reading through what is known about the beings known as tupla, that to create a character based on an ideal of how much I like her 2d form was in no way going to be healthy, either for myself or for her. Sorry Ion-chan, but you'll have to stay 2d.
So after much consideration I decided on her base form and work in progress name being that of Palmon, though I do plan on allowing her to deviate if she wants to from this state. I've watched the show from childhood, plus played most of the Digimon World games, and she never lost her place as on of my favourites.
So I figured after a lot of reading, that I found the idea of her creating her own personality to be one of my goals, though if she develops one or two traits from our narration time, fair enough.
Before starting visualisation, I tried using LinkZelda's self-hypnosis guide for the creation script, and I really do think it may of helped. I did seem to have a better time then I thought I would when developing a visualisation of meeting her for the first time.
I took Kiahdaj's advice about visualisation and decided to as part of the process create an area that would provide a sense of comfort to my little tupling. I imagined that she would likely feel at home in a field of flowers (Palmon's pretty much a sentient flower, so yeah) I started of at a distance and imagined what she would look like as I got closer, so it was pretty much; "wow what a large flower, huh its got eyes and a mouth and stuff." Just when I got close enough to start really visualising what I could sense about her, I was forced to forcibly quit the process when my sister got home and I had to help her with getting groceries from the car.
I was feeling really bad about this, which may have caused the reaction when I managed to slip back into visualisation. When I got back to Palmon's Field, she was crying. I ran over to her as quickly as I could while not startling her, and sat down in front of her. I gave her a gentle nudge to let her know I was back (she was crying with her hands over her eyes, so she couldn't see) and told her I was sorry for having to leave so suddenly. She beamed so suddenly, and then I was given the equivalent of a mental glomp. She then pretty much wouldn't let me go throughout while we were going through the visualisation process together, covering visual, smell and touch.
Afterwards I tried to give her a name, using several names which she didn't seem to like. Out of curiosity, I did try Palmon, and while I don't think it's the perfect name for her, she doesn't seem to mind it.
Finally, I got the feeling that she might have wanted some reassurance that I would return, so I promised that the two of us would work together to develop together, and that I would be back as often as I could
So ends the first day of mine and Palmon's journey together.
Out of curiosity, I know some, of the visualisation was likely puppetry on my part, but I dunno if the tears after I got pulled away were. I'm fairly certain I didn't consciously plan that part, so hmm.
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You never know. You'll be able to tell once you get a bit more experience and start knowing the tupper better, usually.
How does the tupper smell like?
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Hmm, I don't really know how to describe it, I did get a feeling of apple? Definately not citrus though (Thank god). All I know is it smelt really nice. Sorry I can't give you much more than that
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No need to sign your posts when your name is right there. We're not stupid, we can move our eyes to the left.
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My 2nd day started with me trying to develop more of an understanding of Palmon through visualisation. I worked at this for about half an hour, and managed to get a little more understanding of her according to my senses. First I crouched next to her while meeting up with her in order to gauge how tall she was - with me kneeling, the petals of her flower was just above my head. I also tried to get a better understanding of her scent - I still think she smells lightly of apples, I'll need to do some checking when I get a chance.
While her skin feels, I wouldn't say tougher, because it wasn't leathery, but was definately more durable than my own skin. She doesn't feel like it is made out of plant matter, despite looking like a humanoid plant, and was warm to the touch, almost human level. I also noticed that our flower field was easier for me to imagine, so I think I'll keep this as our wonderland unless she decides otherwise.
Once we had gone through visualisation, I started trying to narrate to her as much as possible. While my parents and sisters were home, it was all mindtalk, though once I was alone, I spoke aloud as much as possible. I figured to give her as much attention as possible, I would talk to her about any housework I was doing, any places I had vivid memories about that I drove past, one my way to different places, as well as people that I know. At several times during the day, I completed several more of LinkZelda's self-hypnosis scripts, the creative, the confidence in sentience and the wonderland visualisation. Having gone through the creative script several times now, I do feel like they are having a positive effect on our forcing.
Now late this afternoon, I had some time to myself, and decided to try another active visualisation forcing. At first everything was normal, the flower field was much like normal, but all of a sudden the temperature seemed to plummet. As it has been quite cold where I lived, I was wearing a jumper and long pants, but I picked up on the fact that Palmon would likely have none. I made my way towards were she normally was our field, and I found her huddled up freezing cold. I figured since i know the feeling of my blankets so well, that I should be able to bring them into existence in the wonderland, somehow managed it, and wrapped the two of us up so that I could warm her up. After this point, we managed to get her warm, but other than that, the next thing I know is that I jerk awake when my parents call out for me. I figure I fell asleep at some point, but I noticed that this was by far my most vivid visualisation. I had been reading that it is possible to have more vivid visualisations at the cusp of falling asleep, so could it be this? I was also feeling slightly cold when I began visualisation - could this have been a cause of the cold snap?
I also noticed that I seem to quite often get head pressures when talking to her, and I seem to tire more quickly - I napped twice today, which I don't think has happened to me for as long as I can remember, though I must admit it might be useful, especially if what happened is what I think happened.
I'm planning on undergoing the creative script once more before reading Palmon a book to see if she likes it, and then undergoing one more visualisation session when I start getting more tired. So hopefully all goes well.
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Hmm, do you think I might be puppeteering her too much by accident. I am pretty sure that I consciously didn't set her up to be crying, if that is what you are thinking. I guess it could be a more subconcious thing though. Hmm, need to definately fix this if it is. The very last thing I want is a servitor or a tulpa completely dependant on me, I don't want to do that to another being. Could you please give me some advice on what you think I should do?
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Decided to do visualisation differently today. Rather than using the wonderland method, I relaxed in bed and focused on visualising my sense of touch, feeling the sense of her resting on top of me, (but not in the more adult sense, if you think that's what I mean, can't think of any better way of explaining it atm {10 at night where I am}).
I focused on getting a better idea of how she feels by rubbing her arms, body and face. On thing I find interesting is that if I ever think of messing with the flower, apart from the petals, I always seem to get a negative feeling, as if someone is thinking "Don't do it!!". Might be my unconscious parroting, but it does seem to happen each time I think of trying, and the feeling seems stronger. I feel that this method of visualising might allow me a better sense of if she is starting to move, so that's a plus.
At the end of that visualisation session, I visualised making a container of what I called balm of curiousity, thinking of the traits that I felt it might give her when applied, and uhh...
rubbed it in until it was all gone :embarrased:
while visualising that when the balm was completely rubbed in, she might become inclined to be more curious. I do want her to develop her own traits. But there are some, that I wouldn't mind her accepting if she doesn't mind that input. Mostly a couple of intellectual traits, as I quite often am studying for either my language self-study, or my tutoring business, and I don't want to be constantly boring her when I'm doing these activities.
At several points during this forcing session, I kinda felt like there was a weight on my chest, around where I was visualising where she was resting, so I definitely will be trying this again to see if it was a one off, or if it actually was happening. Otherwise, today was mostly consisting of passive forcing when I could spare the extra attention, as today was my first day going to work with her. I wasn't having much trouble when it was fairly quiet but staring having to put it on hold when we started to get busier. All in all, it was a good experience, and I believe I'll be more capable at passive narrating and doing my job at the same time as I practice more.
In addition since I'm pretty much just beginning my study of japanese, it actually seems to work quite well as a group activity for passive forcing.
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Well, we don't even know for sure that tuppers are separate, independent beings rather than an unconscious puppet, so I don't think we can really answer that. Everyone has their own opinions and theories here, but we don't know anything for sure. You just gotta stumble into your own answers.
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4th day in:
Had some time to myself this morning, so did some more active visualisation and narration forcing. I'm pretty much starting all the time now by first trying to get a sense of Palmon's body by touch. I think her traits are starting to become more mentally held together now, as it is starting to flow together with less active thought into what each area feels like. Once I get started, traits such as the small bumps that go all up her back, above her tail, are started to be supplied almost before I actively get to visualising them - I'm using visualisation by describing what I sense by the way.
Also in this session reapplied to her my special curiosity balm, which for added symbolism for me, is made from a Digi-Egg of Curiousity (As in the sacred items from the second anime) . I was thinking last night about what sort of symbolism might be used to give the infusion more oomph, and it just seemed to come from nowhere - haven't watched 02 since before I finished high school.
Continued passive narration throughout the day, and tried watching some tv with her. It was surprisingly hard to keep attention on her, but I think with more practice, this should become easier.
Just tried visualisation once more tonight, and I thought I might try something new to see if it worked. Fede, I have to say, your Eye-Bo system is awesome. I managed to last nearly the whole half hour the constant theta was playing for, and I found it far easier to visualise her body, including how she looked, which I have had trouble with. I seem to be able to click more with the touch sense of visualisation.
I won't say it was perfect, because I was definately still having some issues, but it definately had a marked effect compared to this morning.
I went through the typical system I am going through, using touch to define each part of her body, though this time, I was able to say what each section looked like, which I wasn't having much luck with beforehand. We infused more of the Curiosity Balm into her and then tried something new.
Since I have had trouble visualising sight, I haven't tried engaging in puppeting. Today though, I felt that with what I was being able to see, it wouldn't to try some light movements. We didn't work on anything too complicated, just arm movement, but it seemed to work really well. One thing I realised from researching her movements was that while the Palmon form seems to look different from humans, she does have alot of the same traits. She has the same kind of joints in her shoulders and elbows as humans, and while she only has what are basically 3 extendable vine claws on each hand, it generally seems to work almost the same, though her forearm/palm section allows her to hold stuff from either side while locking the claws together to stop slipping.
So basically what I did while visualising was move my own arms in the way I was trying to get her to puppet then used that feeling to trigger the same movement in her body. In order on first the left arm then the right arm, we managed to puppet raising the arm up and down while outstretched, swiveling the arm through the shoulder joint, bending at the elbow, and finally moving her claws. The claws I felt were pretty much equivalent to the middle three fingers on a human hand, so I used that as the base for that motion. Finally was the aim of getting her body to do that grasping motion I was talking about earlier, and it seemed to work.
After this though my head was starting to feel a bit heavy, so stopped at that point, but will definately be using the constant delta again Fede. Will try to talk to Palmon again tonight before bed.
By the way, sometimes when I say Palmon's name, I get a slightly weird feeling. Any ideas what it could be? Like, could it be that she is trying to deviate from that name? Though I don't feel anything like this when I'm visualising her form.
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Well, is this weird feeling more positive or negative, or is it hard to say? At this point it could be anything if it even is related, but you could talk about it to the tupper and see if you get more. It could just be them "replying" to you in a way they can, but it doesn't have an intended message behind it.
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5th day - 31 July 2015
Haven't had any similar sensations since Sands, so I'll keep it in mind, but not freak out atm. :smiley:
After buying a set of headphones so I could listen better to the Entrainment tapes, I started going through mine and Palmon's current routine.
During our morning visualisation stage, have noticed that details are coming easier to me, and that less active thought is required to visualise that part of her body.
Going through our Infusion Stage, I got a feeling once we were done, that we didn't need to repeat that one anymore. It didn't seem to be an active thought, like what I generally use for narration, but was more like an emotion of maybe feeling successful - Kinda like what I feel like when I solve a puzzle. I'll keep in mind that it may not be this, so I'll try to ask how she feels about how well it took hold for her, and see if I can get a response.
Going through our motion stage, the movements felt more natural to impose, and I didn't need to go into as much detail as the last time. Eg. last time was could you move your arm up and down like I am doing. I was having to do the action myself to transmit what it should be like to her. Whereas this time, I just needed to ask if she would move her arm in the various ways.
Will passively force as much as possible during the day, and then try another active forcing session tonight.
Managed to get a second 15 minute active forcing session after dinner. Had to cut so I can help the little sister when she gets home from work, but will have another longer session once everyone else goes to bed.
I'm finding various aspects of visualisation to be more vivid and easier to impose in my mind's eye, so loving it.
For the session tonight, I'm planning on having a full half hour of active narration, to keep things fresh. Any other recommendations for activities for a developing tulpa? I don't think we have movement yet, of that helps.
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I know what you're tlaking about feeling like you're done with something. We did some boring ass personality forcing back in the day and at some point it just felt like nothing more was to be done, even though I had planned to do more of it.
You two should go outside together if there's some nice places like parks around where you live. Do some imposition-lite where you're not trying to see her too hard (unless you want to do that) but you're just focusing on her presence and maybe her feel. Hold her hand and walk around with her, talk about the stuff you see in the real world and enjoy?
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6th day - 1st August 2015
Had work early this morning, so didn't get a chance to have an active forcing session until tonight. Worked on passive narration throughout the day, getting better at staying focused on her while doing other things.
During tonight's visualisation practice, worked on getting a better image formed of our wonderland, not just what I could see, but what I could smell, hear, touch. Didn't work on taste tonight. I doubt Palmon would have been to happy if she had woken up and I was licking her face to see what she tastes like. :grin: that would definitely class as a critical hit to the nads situation.
After that, decided that tonight's session would be about talking with her and trying to get responses. I think there were a couple of moments I felt something, kinda like how I feel when I wake up in the morning. The best description I think I have was that there was this drowsy feeling emanating from somewhere, but I'm not at all tired. It happened a couple of times, so I think I believe it was Palmon.
In addition Fede, when you were saying that the Ascending versions could cause trippy effects to occur, you weren't joking. I was thinking about other ways I could try to send my feelings of care and love to her, when all of a sudden I'm holding a Digivice from if I remember correctly the Data Squad series, where basically the humans feelings were what charged the power of the digimon.
I'm just theorising now but I think because of the choice of form Palmon has, and the fact I practically grew up on the different series of digimon, even through high school, it has a symbolical effect for me, as does my digi-egg infused balm, which I should mention became fully developed as a method during my first eye-bo session.
It seems it might make it easier for my mind to link to related concepts that have symbolism to me. The Digi-Eggs being related to the personality traits, and the digivice being a device that turns feelings and belief into power.
So yeah basically I'm thinking about all the things I want to say to her, and the joy I feel with her existence and so on. As I'm thinking about each thought, I see a coloured aura glowing around my hand. As I'm pouring my thoughts in, the light gets brighter, and once I'm done the energy leaps from me to the Digivice, and from there infuses into Palmon. Personally I'm surprised that she didn't wake up from that lightshow alone, but she might have inherited my sleep like a log trait.
So once that was done we just talked while lying down in our field together until the video ended and then that was the end of tonights active forcing.
Going to try and keep talking some more before bed.
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7th Day - 2nd August 2015
Just done tonight's visualisation, half hour active forcing, though will be actively narrating after this.
Mostly tonight, worked on the same stuff that seemed to work previously. One thing though, during previous sessions, Palmon would always be i guess the best way to describe it would be asleep. That was how it felt most natural for me to visualise her without forcing an idea onto her.
But tonight, I felt that she opened her eyes and smiled gently at me. I also got several feelings that I don't think were mine, though admittedly I was feeling pretty content after seeing that cute little smile and those deep green eyes looking back at me. It didn't seem to feel foreign, but it did feel like it was coming from a slightly different area then my own feelings, if that makes sense. That little drowsy feeling was back, though I'm nowhere near tired at the moment.
Started tonight on working on amping up her feelings of hope with my Digiegg Balm - Hope type. I basically infused all my feelings of hope about my Flower Girl and our future together as I visualised myself making it then kept all those memories focused on her as we applied the balm. She definately isn't vocal at this point, but I really think she might be developing emotional responses - that definately got a feeling of satisfaction, while I was still focusing on the infusion and the way my senses perceived her.
Did my feeling infusion again tonight, she seemed to take on a brighter glow than last time, so I think it is making her stronger.
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8th day 3rd August
One thing I noticed today was that Palmon seemed slightly more there, than she was before previously during our passive narration. I think this is because I'm starting to see her more active in our active forcing sessions, and that is helping deal with some doubts I had. I was slightly skeptical going in that this would work, but nothing ventured, nothing gained right?
It is definitely more difficult for me to feel her emotional responses during non-active forcing though. There were a couple of times that I do think I felt something, but it was much fainter than last nights visualisation session. Her transmissions should get stronger as we get more experience, correct? I think at the moment, the eye-bo allows me to suppress most of the non-tulpa related thoughts, which makes it easier for me to pick out emotions she sends me. Once I get more experience in "hearing" her, I believe it'll be easier to pick her transmissions from the chatter.
Was definitely a couple of points tonight where I think she sent a sort of "Can we do this instead?" It wasn't in words, but I dunno how else you could describe it. For example, during our usual visualisation of body practice, I got a "feeling" that maybe we should try mutual touch visualisation. I feel her face, she feels mine etc.. Does this sound like an actual reaction, or a subconscious decision? I'm honestly not sure, so any thoughts you have would be appreciated.
Also with our infusion of feelings, I'm getting her to hold the digivice together with me to thinking it might provide a better connection between the two of us, when I got a really strong feeling of maybe affection, care and that. I'm pretty certain this one wasn't me, because I lost track of my thoughts for a second when I felt it.
It was definitely quite strong, which does kinda make sense because I've been trying to as much as possible, even if too busy to actively mindspeak, send my feelings of affection for the flower girl inside my head. I think cause I have done that, it might be the emotion she is most capable of sending at the moment.
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Well, hard to say if they're getting stronger or if you're just getting better at listening. Usually yeah, it becomes easier to notice things.
Seeing that you two can do non-verbal communication, pure feelings are one valid type of reponses. Actually, you can easily have conversations that are words and feelings. That's why it's usually easier to compromise with tuppers, you get the whole message rather than just what a person is trying to say.
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9th Day 4th August
Our active forcing session today was interesting, we started with our usual mutual touching session. This time however, i felt the urge to see what she tasted like. Been reading some of the general stuff on the forums and was curious. I also thought it might be interesting to see what reaction might happen, so I didn't tell her I was going to do it.
So I licked her flower, she up and I definitely got what felt like a squeal and a feeling of shock. By the way, she tastes just like she smells, apples.
I kinda felt bad about spooking her though, so I promised to not do it again without a very good reason, and said that she could do the same if she wanted. She decided to get me back, and I got licked on my cheek. I then told her that I definitely felt that feeling of shock she sent out and that part of my test was a success.
I'm trying to ask her more what she wants to do during our sessions now that I can get some semblance of what her different likes are. Asked her to send a feeling of happiness if she wanted to do the activity I offered, and to send a feeling of sadness if she didn't want to.
So asked her if she wanted to continue our massage sessions/personality infusion and I think I got a happiness ping, though it definitely wasn't a sadness ping. I do think it was though, as I have gotten feelings of happiness when doing this with her in prior sessions.
Next time, I'll try and come up with another activity for us, and see whether she responds to that. Though in the meantime, I'm going to continue asking her questions, and hopefully it should work as an early system for us to communicate while we're developing vocalisation.
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Write about it in the tulpa taste thread, mate. Be sure to continue tasting your tupper.
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10th day - 5th August 2015
So today i asked Palmon before we started if tonight she just wanted to do our usual massage session for longer and got a positive response from her (Still haven't got a negative response from her yet - so it might just be my imagination, but I'll go with it anyway in case it was a response). I felt today rather than using the massage as a personality influence activity, I would simply use it to instill my feelings in her as well as make her feel as good as possible.
I think setting out to do just the one thing had a pretty good effect. I wasn't feeling rushed, and I could spend time noticing whether or not I was getting positive signals from her. We ended up finishing up the session nearly half an hour after we started, and I think I felt at least five bursts of positive emotion during the session. Because we were focused on the one activity, I do think we were able to sync better, if that makes sense. I felt at times, like there was a blissful feeling emerging, and when that happened another message seemed to get sent. I don't think it was proper mind speech, and I think I only started getting the feeling behind it halfway through, but there was a definite "That spot is good" when I was rubbing the hand part of her arms for example.
Its cold tonight, so I'm planning on snuggling up for a non eye-bo session later tonight. Should be good.
Oh, one question, a lot of the time I refer to her as the Flower Girl, though I'm having no issues thinking of her as Palmon still. I'm assuming this is just a nickname I've come up with for her, but what are your thoughts.
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Why not try suggesting something that she might not like/is unpleasant to see if she can make a negative response?
Names and things you call someone with, eh, not exactly something we can comment on, I think.
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11th day - 6th August 2015
Today our plan was to do a visualisation session without using eye-bo, to see if my visualisation skills without the entrainment were developing.
Found out two major things. First, while not as good as when we use eye-bo during the visualisation, I could visualise far easier than when we were capable of prior to starting eye-bo. 10/10 would recommend fede.
2nd was that I could still feel what I currently believe are Palmon's emotion bursts at the same level as without eye-bo.
Planning on doing an eye-bo session tonight though, just focusing on bonding with Palmon more than anything else.
After that session, have a little idea of what a truly negative thought is from her. After the massage, which had her feeling happy, I asked her what she would feel like if for some reason, I stopped working with her. I actually felt like my stomach dropped in response. Just spent a little while after the session making sure she knows it was just a test question so that I could feel what negativity felt like.
Not something I want to experience or cause her to experience on purpose ever again, but some of the ways I felt her response should correspond, at least in a smaller magnitude, to her answering a question using a negative response, which means I might know what to look out for.
Going to make sure she knows I'm not going to abandon her, so I'll finish up here for tonight.
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12th day - 7th August 2015
Today we made a deal for what I'm going do for her to apologise for last nights test. Basically suggested things I could do until she sent a positive emotion at something.
She gets a 2 hour snuggle session next time we get some home alone time in the mornings. Hopefully it being in the morning will stop me napping, as I normally fall asleep while holding her in our wonderland - its very relaxing, especially at night time.Should be good practice.
Trying to do stuff to get reactions out of her at the moment, stuff like tickling; she fake glares at me but she has a little smile, and can't forget the little burst of happy emotion she triggers. Though tickle her too much and she wraps you up with her vines. It seems I get the best emotional responses at the moment when she is surprised, so more tickles in the future i think (For science!!)
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13th day - 8th August
Today started using the self-hypnosis script LinkZelda built for developing vocalisation. During the script, started getting unusual head pressures - they felt like they were starting further back, then actually moved to the front. Since I've seen a few people say that some tulpa(tulpas/tulpae?) use this method when using vocality, I'm hopeful that this is the case. Further testing is necessary however before I deem it to be definitely Palmon however.
Have developed not a head-ache per say, but more a constant light pressure as I'm writing this, just after finishing the script.
Planning on leaving the eye-bo for tonight, and seeing if visualisation without Eye-bo deteriorates as time passes - 48 hours should be ample time for any deterioration to occur should it happen.
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Tulpas, unless you like using Latin plurals for non-Latin words like an idiot.
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14th day - 9th August
Just tried another use of the vocalisation script. Definitely were some more of those head pressures from last time, though they were less powerful then last time. Constant pressure afterwards is somewhat there, but nowhere near levels of yesterday. Not entirely sure whether pressure should have increased, as in the tulpa is having more success in sending thoughts, or should have decreased, as the thoughts feel less unfamiliar. One thing I do notice is that during this section, thoughts that may cross my mind do fade so that I can't hear them anymore, so I definitely think that part of the script is working.
As I'm writing this later section, I'll note that the constant pressure is slowly increasing. Possible explanation could be Palmon continuing activity of throwing random thoughts at my mind. Possible result could be as more experience in receiving these throws is gained, pressure will cease to be a simple pressure, and become a understandable thought.
Will try to active force tonight with the aim of talking to Palmon, hoping pressure will increase as more attention is given, and more thoughts become available for her use.
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Have you looked inside her mouth yet?
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Mmhmm. She's definately more suited as a meat eater, though she does have some human-like teeth at the back, so she can eat fruit. (Haven't dared feeding her actual plant matter until I know exactly how she feels about that though, she might consider it cannibalism :grin:) Her mouth is a fair bit wider than a human's though.
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15th day - 10th August
During tonight's script, the pressures I got feel more focused, and I think that's why last nights felt less powerful. Less oomph is needed to pass the thought over, and thus less oomph is felt in the resultant head pressure.
At times, some of the pressures felt less like just a head pressure, but felt like it had an actual meaning to it. Though I still couldn't get that meaning, I think we are progressing.
Found that it is slightly more difficult to stay focused while actively visualising, though that is likely partly due to the fact I'm more tired than usual. Seem to be getting more response from Palmon when talking to her after using the self-hypnosis script.
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17th day - 12th August
Didn't manage to get an active forcing session done last night, as we were asked to work til close, and was pretty much dead on my feet by the time we came home.
Tonight we focused on recovering the script for vocalisation. I think there was a slight improvement in the feedback I was getting from Palmon, as there were points I believe I was getting sounds slightly - basically parts of words. Not enough to understand her obviously, but we seem to be getting closer to the current goal of vocality.
Planning on a longer than normal session tonight, trying to get responses as well as some other activities the two of us can do together.
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18th day - 13 August
During todays passive forcing, started getting similar pulses to when I'm actively focusing on improving our vocality through the self-hypnosis sessions. It doesn't happen every time, but maybe 50 percent of the time when I ask her something, I get one of the pulses back. These aren't emotional pulses like earlier in our journey together either, though occasionally she does seem to send one in addition to the pulses I'm getting at the moment, generally if she is pleased about something.
Plan for tonight is to continue trying to get responses from her during passive forcing, and maybe focus some more on visualisation.
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19th day 14th August
Didn't feel like anything new was developing, sensations are becoming slightly stronger, but that is about it. Do believe it is helping though, and will continue methods to advance vocalisation to next level.
20th day 15th August
Responses are coming in more often, and feel more developed, not much of a sense of the content of the responses being formed however. Any progress is progress however, so I am happy about our progress so far.
Responses are coming in even during the morning, long before I read through the S.H. script, so it is having an effect, in making her more likely to respond, which is good progress.
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Did you eat cake yet?
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21st day 16th August
During today's S.H session, I think I heard for the first time Palmon's actual voice. During the section where I was supposed to let my mind fill with random thoughts, I asked her if she was feeling Ok, and I felt an Ok back. Didn't get another sensation like it tonight, so will remain cautiously optimistic for the time being.
22nd day 17th August
Don't believe there was a noticeable development in our vocalisation today, at least during the h.s. Will see tonight during our active forcing if she is feeling talkative.
Still get light head pressure, but I think the fact it is getting lighter is because I'm getting used to the sensation. Also haven't been doing as much forcing as I would like to.
23rd day 18th august
Getting faint sounds sometimes when I'm asking Palmon questions in the back of my mind. On the one hand, I know it could be parroting; but on the other, it doesn't feel completely like my voice. It is similar at the moment, but not the same.
And sands, eat cake? That some kind of euphemism for taking a bite rather than a lick? Or are you talking about some sort of real life cake and I'm just thinking too much into it :grin:
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No like, you should imagine a cake okay, and eat it together with tulpa.
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26th day 21st August
Been doing s.h sessions these past few nights, but seem to have hit a wall with them. I think for now, I will try to further develop vocality without them.
Haven't eaten cake with her yet sands, but we ate some lasagna last night. Because I had just eaten it myself, I felt it easier to describe, and will attempt to feed her more things in this way. She liked it, but we'll see what she thinks of different foods before we say it is a favourite.
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27th day 22nd august
We ate chicken pasties tonight, finding this to be really useful in further developing my visualisation skills. She seems to like chicken pasties as well. Couldn't get a clear answer on which she prefers most at the moment though.
28th day 23rd august
Spent some time before bed talking to Palmon, I find that if I am to tired, Constant theta starts putting me to sleep.
29th day 24th august
She ate caramel cheesecake tonight - I think she might have developed my sweet tooth, cause I think she's got a new favourite food. Her responses are starting to feel more natural when they come as well.
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Yes cake.
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31st day 26th august
We had corned beef fritters for tea tonight. Also have found that our mindscape is becoming more vivid with each visit, and is becoming more detailed.
32nd day 27th august
Beef stew tonight, she is really getting a lot of different foods. I think I'm getting the hang of visualising foods for her now, so will try going back to some of our previous foods when we have them again.
Getting points where I am pretty certain that she is saying something now, but I still can't make it out - I can pick up that it is coming from her, and that it is vocal of some sort, but can't tell the content yet.
33rd day 28th august
Spent some time just relaxing and talking to Palmon today. Fell asleep towards the end. Still hearing occasional unintelligable thoughts with a little more frequency.
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34th day 29th august
Another session of just talking to Palmon today. No real new observations. Out of curiousity, if the host is sick, does the tulpa also get sick?
38th day 2nd september
Nothing out of the ordinary happened last couple of nights.
I think we are going to revisit some stuff we have been neglecting due to working on vocalisation so much, just spending time playing around together. I think the problem we might be having is that I'm pushing too hard and its becoming unhealthy for the both of us. Did some visualisation without eye-bo, just taking some time to recover what she looks like, and I think that skill is getting better.
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Well, in our case, the body is the one feeling sick. So, the one in the body is the one who feels it the most. Changing who has to suffer it tends to help us get through it I guess. Of course, we haven't really been very ill during these years we've been together, so can't say how it would be if we were feeling worse. Might have to do with how much you or the tupper is feeling the body's senses, but who knows. I bet some people will feel things differently.
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45th day 9th september
Been spending this past week, just doing little things with Palmon, like spending time in the mindscape together and just talking to her about stuff. I'm finding a lot of the time I'm falling asleep while visualising with her, whether its napping during the day, or full on sleeping.
I do feel that we are linking up better now, than before though. I find it easier to focus on her and enter our mindscape - I think its partly that I'm so comfortable talking to her that I fall asleep now.
50th day 14th september
More bonding activities with Palmon when I can. Thinking of getting an item that will act as a bonding tool, something that I can keep on me at all times, and will serve as a physical link of our connection in preparation for when we eventually get to the imposition stage, but not sure at this stage what I could use.
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Have you read her stories yet?
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Occasionally I have read to her, I'm looking into finding some more, cause its a pretty fun thing to do.
54th day 18th September
Kinda broke through one of my self-inflicted blocks today. I was kinda scared of seeing her moving in my mindscape, because I'm not sure how one would tell whether her movement is happening by her own will, and my mind is describing it to me, or if my thoughts are affecting her movements, if that makes sense. I wasn't so much stopping her from moving by force, but more staying away from activities that require a fair amount of motion.
I think I finally realised that since I can't tell the difference between the two, I shouldn't try to stop it in case it is her moving about. I feel kinda silly about it, but I'm happy we managed to somewhat deal with the issue. I asked if she could try doing some movement tests, and just let it happen, rather than forcing her to do it. So stuff like walking at a slow pace and normal pace, as well as catching and throwing.
We also went on a walk through the outer area of our field, and ended that session with seeing if she had decided to keep the ivy skills. Interestingly when I asked her to do this, on a crate I spawned for this purpose, she had trouble with it. She could definitely fire release the vines, but she definitely needs practice, and she can't lift stuff at the moment - unlike when I was doing some trial puppeting when we were developing her form way back at the beginning.
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Do keep in mind that yes, you could be influencing what she does with your thoughts. But what is so strange or scary about that? That's what happens with other people already and this is a person that lives in your mind, able to know what exactly you are thinking about and knows what she can do to please you. Many young tuppers especially can want to really please their host, so them doing what you would want them to do isn't all that strange and most likely isn't something to worry about.
Maybe one day you'll feel what she wants you to do without saying it. You'd probably do it!
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60th day 24th September
Well, we have been doing quite a few different things over the past few days. Going for walks, throwing a ball back and forth etc. Last night we did some work on her using her vines. I built a sort of course just outside the main part of our wonderland, and she practiced using her vines to swing. I feel like we both have been having fun doing this sort of stuff.
I think what you said sands helped me by putting it into perspective for me, so thanks so much :grin:
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Remember to do something special on the 69th day.
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I think you mean the 34th, but that has already gone :grin:
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Yes.
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71st day - 5th October
Been a fairly busy two weeks since last update, we've been continuing on learning new things in the wonderland, which has grown to have two new areas, in addition to the central flower field we started at. The last couple of nights we have been spending time at the second area we created, a beach zone. I have noticed that visualisation is requiring me to think less consciously about what I am visualising, even things that I haven't had practice visualising before. Out of curiousity, is this generally what happens as people get more accustomed to visualisation?
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But what about the 69th day?!
And yeah, usually you get better as you visualize more and it's easier. Wow.
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Nah, it ended up just being a normal night, we hung out and goofed around for a while. Went back to the beach that day if I remember correctly. Anyways, lately just been hanging out, going for walks around the mindscape, stuff like that.
I think I might be getting faint responses from her though. Occasionally, I'll ask her something simple, and will hear in my head an answer to the question, but the thought didn't feel like it came from me. I know that it is possible that the thought came from me still, so I should keep it in mind, but not mindlessly believe right? And try to get more occurrences of her talking to me, if it is her?
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Sounds like a plan alright. Remember to eat cake, too.