Day 152

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Total forcing time: 1 hour 9 minutes
Better than yesterday. I felt relaxed and somewhat focused. I tried listening carefully for my tulpa's mindvoice. At times, it was an "almost there" kind of feel. But at other times it sounded plain weird.

Apparently she moved around something in >the unconscious so I can hear her better. I don't really subscribe to the unconscious/subconscious thing because it has been exploited so much by pop psychologists and new-age salesmen that it doesn't seem to mean anything nowadays. But eh, maybe it'll work. I hope.
While she did that I felt headpressures, so there's also that.

We'll see how it goes.
If anyone has any other tips for vocality, please let me know. I guess it's time to try out everything we can.

You don't always even have to subscribe to whatever symbolism method (like THE SUBCONSCIOUS) the tupper uses. It can still work? Source: me.

Day 155

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Total forging time: 31 minutes + 1 hour

Today I forced in two parts. First one (31 minutes) was meditation. Alright, not very focused but not a lot of random thoughts either. Slight head pressures, but nothing really constant.

Second part was 20 minute meditation, and them self-hypnosis, but this time I used the second vocality script (aka the "play 20Q with tupper" script).
The visuals are still crap. 1.75/10 at best, but whatever. The game itself was awesome. Constant head pressures during it. Thoughts are still somewhat "blended" (we were able to guess each other's items rather easily at times), but it doesn't seem as bad as I expected it to be.

At the end my tulpa shifted the scene from the stadium (the script says "imagine a stadium" and stuff) to a nice cozy restaurant thing, were once again I got reassurance that we're doing fine, we're gonna make it and all that.

Very nice. 9/10

Day 157

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Total forging time: 1 hour 3 minutes + 49 minutes

First hour was meditation. It's funny how the mind makes up any distraction it can. I was more-or-less focused, the random thoughts just passing by when I randomly "hear" in my mind some dramatic music string intro for no reason that really made me lose the focus I had. I do believe I did wrong today by forcing myself too much to have my focus stay on my breath, as the more I kept forcing myself to focus the more I lost it. Gotta tweak my focusing strategies.

Second hour (well, more like 3/4 hour) was the self-hypnosis vocal game thing. As usual, an interesting experience, if a bit stale today for whatever reason. Visuals fluctuate between 1.9/10 to 1.5/10 in my non-scientific scale.
I do find it hard to think about objects to put in the box... my mind goes "whoa what do halp".
But, it's always a very special feeling spending time with my tulpa. I can't imagine what I would be doing if I never had gotten into this practice.

Good session 8/10

By the way, I have a rough "ideal forging schedule" now. The interesting thing is to actually put it in action, and what to do to avoid random people on my room at those times.
Here's what I got so far:

• 06:30 - 8:30  | Active Forging/Meditation (Self-hypnosis most likely)
  
• 11:00 - 11:20 | Visualization exercise (the one with the blue pole and the street)
  
• 13:00 - 15:00 | Image streaming (I have to start small though or I may burnout and go "nope" with it, but that would be my ideal time for it, two hours)
  
• 17:00 - 18:00 | Parallel processing training (letter counting, that ball counting thing, any others?)
  
• 21:30 - 22:00 | Meditation (afterwards there would be a short narration session before bed maybe)
  

That would equal 5.7 hours of active forcing daily, which would be equal to almost 40 hours of active forcing per week! Of course, I don't plan to skimp on narration and "imposition-lite" (just trying to get a feel of the tupper around). On the other hand, it might be too extreme... I'll see what I can take from it though, even if I don't implement the entire schedule (the morning forcing and the night one are the easiest to implement, the hardest might be the image streaming seeing I have zero experience with it).

Whatever it takes to get there though.

Day 158^{"DID A LOT, ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING" EDITION}

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Total forcing time: 2 hours 30 minutes

Today was probably the most productive day so far. Not in terms of real "advancement" per se, but in "I practiced a lot of things while on a deep state" sense. now i just need to figure out what the hell is stalling my progress
It was mostly meditation for the first part, and I really got into it. I was able to chase off random thoughts by "looking" at them without really getting into what they could mean or whatever.
As far as focus goes, it was good. Not great, but enough.

Then I tried as hard as I could to hear my tulpa's mindvoice. I focused as well as I could and I was THIS CLOSE, but for whatever reason it didn't work. I blame my brain for that. I did get enough head pressures to reassure myself though that I indeed somehow communicated with my tulpa though.
I then imagined a large hall with a huge loudspeaker turned up to 11 and my tulpa took the microphone. Well, not much results either with that. It was very faint (i.e. not there at all), and it didn't really sound that "consistent".

We kept at it and we tried like 4 times, all of them with little to no results.
Then I went for a bit of practice with >SYMBOLISM, and gave her some sort of "concentrated tulpa energy"-brand drink (original brand dnt steel). As she drank it her eyes glowed and for a bit it did seem to work, but my brain counteracted it like a pro and the effect wore off faster than a low-dose of DMT. Just what the hell is wrong with my brain... ;_;

I then tried to feel her presence, but there wasn't much luck there either. It did feel like "well, I'm not exactly alone, but it doesn't really feel like there's someone else". I did get head pressure at that part though. damn, i feel bad typing it like that. lets just say, ''i'm a bassoon and didn't notice the presence'' then

Visuals are 2.1/10 now. In fact, some stuff (like a simple pen) looks good enough to be 3/10, but complex stuff breaks down and looks nothing like it should. I guess I should have played with my imagination more as a kid and less with my PS2. ;____;

That's why I need to do that schedule I posted above, so I can DRILL INTO MY BRAIN that I now have a tulpa and that she can speak/is sentient/etc and that it's just my brain being really dumb and unimaginative the reason why I can't hear her much if at all. Also, gotta flex those visualization muscles 'til I can't tell if I'm on the conceptual reality or in my imagination!

I also need to step up my narration game, and I'll be doing all sorts of rambling if needed be! also, i'm using a truckload of exclamation symbols for no reason today!!


In fact, yesterday I went to bed really late because I was reading a 55-page progress report using my mindvoice because I noticed that my mindvoice isn't that well-developed either. It was haaard. But hey, I did get head pressures and I got an excuse to read it without it seeming like pointless procrastination (even though technically it was).

I have been trying to see how and where my tulpa isn't really that present during the day and I have been making every effort to fix that as well. It's somewhat tiring and I end up zoning out pointlessly, but as soon as I become aware of that I bring back my thought-train to where it should be; with my tulpa.

Damn, forcing as a full-time job.  Careful you don't force too much, or you'll ascend to the spirit realm not really.

I can afford the time right now. Who knows in the future, so I'll definitely be doing forcing as a full time job, at least for a month (I hope).
Also, I have now convinced my family that I'm doing Buddhist meditation and now I (hopefully) can just ask them not to bother me at whatever time I please, that will be used to force.

awwww yeee
not really, after all i'm tulpadeaf and tulpablind send halp pls

Dang son, making some good progress up in here. Keep that shit up.

Day 159 ^{IT'S HAPPENING EDITION}

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Total forging time: 2 hours 54 minutes

So, apparently we possession now. Or something. Totally unexpected. So shock, much happy, many confused, wow

Today was supposed to be the meditation -> self-hypnosis game thing. But I got way too entertained with the meditation, being all like "5 mins more and we'll do the game". 5 minutes turned into 10, 20, and well, it got out of control. I think I'm getting addicted to these morning meditation sessions lol.

Much better now that my family thinks I'm "just meditating". I have been able to tell them that three times now and it worked, they didn't bother me until I told them it was okay. Yay, here's for more forging finally!

Oh right, here's how it went this morning:

Somewhere in the middle of the meditation session, we started talking somehow (no mindvoice yet mind you). I don't recall exactly what we talked about, but it went like "I don't think we can do possession yet" and then "oh yeah? watch this".
My left hand felt really weird and then it was moving without my input. It felt like a very, very strong need to move it upwards, and after I let it do whatever it did. My hand moved about 3 cm upwards and about 4 cm leftwards.
This took about 15 minutes, but still, I wasn't expecting that at all.

I could feel the movements, but I didn't felt much "authority" to them if that makes sense. It felt as if it was being pulled, not necessarily against my will because I didn't really mind what it did but I just had it kind of lying there and it started moving like whoa man.

All the movement felt really, really unnatural. I don't think I've ever experienced anything like that. wow
Afterwards I said "okay can you do that with my right hand as well?". And yep, it worked.
She tried to close my hand and make a fist, but it looks like it's really hard. It took her about 35 minutes to do it, and wasn't really that well-clenched. But, whoa, she did it. No previous experience, and yet... wow. Just wow.

Also, somehow while trying to make the fist I could kind of hear her struggling to close my hand. It was the cutest thing ever... <3

...so impressive because I have barely read anything about possession... I mean, I think it's pretty neat, but I thought "nah, that's like, far off in the future man, lets focus on vocality and visuals". HOW, JUST HOW.

I don't think I can doubt anything anymore after this... which seems to have been the point of doing that, she says.
I do feel weird thinking about the whole thing... maybe it was way too unexpected. Not that I want to chicken out or anything, after all, my doubt must have been annoying for her all this time. It's only fair I get this kind of proof after all and hey, at least she didn't resort to nuking the wonderland or anything...

Dang son, making some good progress up in here. Keep that shit up.

Thanks man, will do. Looks like we're making some real progress this time eh? We're gonna make it brah.

But when will you cake.

Buy me an oven and I'll guarantee you that we'll bake something daily.
Welcome to the Third World™, were kitchens don't have ovens. Or, they do but it's a beaten-up, 40-year-old nonworking artifact that will definitely malfunction at the first attempt of operation.

I do cook daily man, I don't do frozen dinners anymore.
Bacon daily at 5:30 AM FTW.

EXPECT THE NIGHT UPDATES FROM ON NOW AS WELL, BECAUSE NOBODY ASKED FOR THEM!
i mean, if i can keep it up as i did yesterday...