Wow lots of updates. The tupper is preparing to take over.

Day 161

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Total forcing time: 1 hour 33 minutes 18 seconds

Usual thing, meditation. Okay focus, not too bad.
Interesting things: even though I wasn't really "forcing" as in, thinking about my tulpa, I still got head pressures. Strange.
While trying to focus, at times I heard very clear mindvoices. Mostly saying nonsense. Only one of them seemed to be tupper-sourced. It didn't say anything that I could understand though. It was just a bunch of low-volume gibberish. And it only happened once.

Afterwards I tried visualizing her. 2/10 at best, I know what I'm supposed to be seeing, but if I try to keep the focus I lose the mind image.
Going to do 15-20 minutes of image streaming today because I must rectify that flaky visualization of mine. Though, it's encouraging that I have already gone from 1.3 visuals to 2/10 ones. I guess it's something.

She seems to be somewhat back, as I can get some responses now again. I'll keep forcing more. I don't care if it takes 100,000 hours, because then we'll be 100,000 hours closer to being able to communicate clearly.

You were right Sands.
I got a talk about that, and she said something like "imagine someone that keeps you around them all day, you want to play with them and stuff but they're all like "whoa you're not sentient yet, here, have these 99 math problems so we can fix the problem", a problem that doesn't exist. Besides, math is as boring as watching paint dry. Well, at least those operations were".

So, uh, I suppose I will be re-thinking my approach then, because I definitely screwed up with such excessive forcing.

I ain't got anything else to report about today.
Tupper's presence was strong two times for like, 30 seconds, rest of the day, my mind as silent as one of those isolation tanks. No words, no intrusive thoughts, no anything. Seriously disappointed, with myself of course, for it is my fault for not being able to hear my tulpa talk even though she's already able to communicate.

Got too busy talking to people outside my head sadly (whoa there, I thought I didn't had anyone to talk to and now that I have a tulpa I do? oh cruel irony!), shitposted around and generally didn't do anything that was considered productive at all. Not even image streaming.

i'm ready to be burnt at the stake; I repent for all my tulpa-non-forcing sins

Alright, on an interesting side note, yesterday's night I was apparently having a nightmare of some sort, and my tulpa woke me up. Her presence was extremely noticeable and I felt so safe and stuff that I actually stayed awake for a bit. I could somehow feel my dreams "blending" with reality if that makes any sense. I could sort of keep the dream going in my mind, but also felt present in reality. Eventually I fell asleep and well, the rest is written above.

^{why can't I hear you? why can't I feel you? ;_;}

You're right again Sands. Entering that line of thought is definitely something that I have to avoid doing.

Yeah, taking it easy. I'll probably reduce the amount of meditation (today did another three hours, wow) and instead do more passive forcing, and image streaming for enhanced visuals, which are something that I can actually directly address and fix, rather than being worried about the other stuff. After all, I guess it'll just come naturally later.

Thanks again for the advice.

Edit: forgot the obligatory
Day 163
marker

>stops stressing
>things are looking good again

I wonder if there's a connection?!?!?

Day 168 ^{"THIS IS GOING TO BE EXCESSIVELY LONG" EDITION}

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Total forcing time: 1 hour 30-whatever minutes


Guess what guys?! I finally have discovered the origin of tulpas, how they work and that they are indeed sentient and independent from one's consciousness!! Additionally, I have contacted the Tibetan monks who practiced this long ago through astral projection and they told me all there is to know about the practice. Moreover, they have confirmed that they are also bronies and imposed pastel ponies way before it was a thing!!

Or not. Unfortunately. I have been thrown into a work loop again, and I got a philosophy exam this weekend that I haven't studied for.
As far as I'm concerned, I have gone back to the "2busy4tulpa" mode which I dislike intensely, but can't really get out of.

The weather's been cooling down, so there's that. But I have noticed that weather now affects my mood so much, that I have even considered getting one of those blue-light therapy devices for seasonal depression... I don't know if it's tulpa-related. But when the morning's gray, I feel this wave of sadness over me. That never happened before. I just long for that reddish morning light nowadays. Weird.

I also don't douse my food on habanero hot sauce anymore. Because my face gets numb. Yeah, it still happens. That's another thing that I can correlate to starting tulpamancy. Oh well, I'm saving money because those chiles are expensive as hell.

Oh right! Tulpamancy and stuff.
The good thing is that she's fine. Little presence, no mindvoice, but I don't complain that much anymore. Thinking about her just brings this emotional wave every time... it's really beautiful.
We haven't done anything on the wonderland though. She doesn't mind though, somehow. Really, I never thought anyone would be able to keep up like that with well, not really interacting with them so much. I'm like "sorry, I'm doing X thing 'cause Y person needs it and if I don't do it I'll probably regret it" and she's like "it's fine, I know you care anyway". Tuppers sure have lots of empathy and patience.
I do try to keep up narration. Sometimes it's wow, like back when I started, full-on and focused, but other days (notably starting this week) it has been only a bit more than "hey, I'm still acknowledging you" and that's it. Head pressures... well, they're there at times but I guess sometimes I don't even notice them anymore since they have become rather common.

I haven't tried out visualizing because >boosy times ahead, but I think they're like 1.5/10. I haven't done image streaming either.
I don't really do many things without consulting with her first, a course of action that has proven to be very productive. Hell, she even encourages me to do things that would mean less time with her but that ultimately benefit me. Wow. Tuppermancy truly changes lives, if you're up to the task.

Wait, I haven't mentioned what I did today.
Today was more meditation. Very good focus, very calm feeling afterwards.
I was able to hear my tulpa more clearly, so there's that as well. Feels good. A very enjoyable session today. 10/10

And so much for daily updates. But you kept that up way longer than I'd expected. Good job!

Hey, it doesn't mean that I have slacked! I haven't had much time for anything these days (other than posting on your thread).
Here, have these updates.

Day 165
Meditation 1 hour. Bad focus. Absolute wank, do not like.
Couldn't focus on anything, my mind was all broken.
Was supposed to do image streaming afterwards, but with that mind state I just went straight to nopetown and only did that.
0/10

Day 166
Meditation 1 hour 11 minutes + self-hypnosis
Meditation was okay. Not really that awesome, but usable enough.
Self hypnosis with vocality script worked somewhat.
Relaxing, but not that productive, at least in the immediate aftermath.
6/10

Day 167
Meditation 1 hour 1 minute + self-hypnosis
Meditation was okay-ish again. Nothing remarkable.
Self-hypnosis script was good. Could communicate with less effort.
7/10

>stops stressing
>things are looking good again

I wonder if there's a connection?!?!?

You forgot the greentext. That's the connection.

I 've wanted to ask this for a long time - what does tupper actually look like?

I've wanted to dodge this question for a long time, but my tulpa's reply was "if you can't say it when you're behind some anonymity, then when?"


So there you have it. And I don't mention it because more often than not people can be pretty judgmental about well. You know what I'm talking about. ^{a-and t-t-t-to be h-honest about it I don't exactly dislike it and seems much more creative than what I had in mind as well} And I can't really blame anyone who decides to disbelieve this or think that I'm hiding some part of the story or whatever. I would think that too, really. But all I know is that's my experience, and it's not up to me to make anyone believe it. ^{But that's a really roleplayer-ish thing to say, so...}

I hope you all enjoyed this story and that it cleared up your doubts, now, excuse me while I get back to work and studying philosophy. And forcing more.
Don't forget to rate and subscribe.