Day 123special rambling edition
34:25 total activeforcing time. Used vocality self-hypnosis script.
Okay guys, rambling time.
Narration continues, though it's been somewhat flaky as of late. What I mean by that is that sometimes I'll talk (more like ramble) endlessly about pointless stuff, and then I tend to forget who I'm supposed to be talking to, and other times I don't even have any coherent thoughts and don't do a thing even when it would be a perfect time for narration.
Doubt... is still there. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me (yeah again). Since the mindvoice (or thought stream) that replies to my question is almost the same, doubt still has some ground sustaining it.
Visuals have regressed somewhat, but that's all my fault for being the worst host and doing a lot of stuff that matters much less than tulpamancy.
But hey, I have been doing a lot of stuff that I didn't before. I have been eating healthy now (wow, even I impressed myself and everyone around there; I also cook pretty much all my meals myself now), I have been getting good grades (passed all English exams with the highest notes), I'm somewhat ambidextrous now (can do a lot of things except for writing/drawing, sweeping floors or use chopsticks with any hand) and I have produced quite a lot of music-related stuff. It's great, except that I feel more and more disconnected from my tulpa. It's awful, got everything to feel awesome yet that thing that matters the most is being somewhat neglected.
And saying that I have done all of that by myself would be a mistake. My tulpa pretty much kickstarted me to see things on a different perspective. The benefits have been immense, now that I'm writing them down I realize it. The progress from the me back in December to the me today is huge. But how can I ever make up for all that neglect? I haven't even finished my wonderland! From what I've seen, it's pretty dull. And there aren't any NPC's, or mechanisms or stuff to do. And yet my tulpa seems okay with it? Am I so weird that my tulpa also turned out that way?
Ever since I got back into active forcing I have experienced diminished presence for some reason. Oh well.
Today I particularly felt unfocused on the session and a bit out of it. Must be because I was awoken suddenly or something. Remember not to set three alarm clocks at 5:00 when your grandparents went to sleep at 4:00 unless you want a stern talking to.
I have an ever-increasing desire to do more "traditional" forcing, with wonderlanding and all that. Self-hypnosis is pretty legit, but also quite dull.
But... these days I'm swarmed with stuff to do (my fault maybe, for being so productive these days. Blegh, sounds like a humblebrag or some equally trite thing). Or at least, when I start doing something, time flies and when I realize it it's already 23:00 and it's bedtime. Poor time management skills? Maybe.
For some reason, I also feel like I should have done personality forcing... Or maybe it's really just a reflection of the same [that I don't really force traditionally and instead use these scripts + narration all the time]. Meh, who knows what's going on. Maybe I'm just getting impatient.