Author Topic: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk  (Read 561658 times)

timethief

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timethief descends into hell for a bottle of almond milk
« Reply #120 on: April 18, 2016, 07:17:39 AM »
Day 120
25-minute active forcing with the vocality self-hypnosis thing.
Less awkward than yesterday. Really felt relaxed after reading it to be honest. Very good I think.
No flowers because I haven't been adventuring in the wonderland yet... but as soon as I get a chance I'll do that.
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timethief

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timethief still doesn't have that milk
« Reply #121 on: April 21, 2016, 07:49:04 AM »
Day 123special rambling edition
34:25 total activeforcing time. Used vocality self-hypnosis script.

Okay guys, rambling time.
Narration continues, though it's been somewhat flaky as of late. What I mean by that is that sometimes I'll talk (more like ramble) endlessly about pointless stuff, and then I tend to forget who I'm supposed to be talking to, and other times I don't even have any coherent thoughts and don't do a thing even when it would be a perfect time for narration.

Doubt... is still there. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me (yeah again). Since the mindvoice (or thought stream) that replies to my question is almost the same, doubt still has some ground sustaining it.
Visuals have regressed somewhat, but that's all my fault for being the worst host and doing a lot of stuff that matters much less than tulpamancy.
But hey, I have been doing a lot of stuff that I didn't before. I have been eating healthy now (wow, even I impressed myself and everyone around there; I also cook pretty much all my meals myself now), I have been getting good grades (passed all English exams with the highest notes), I'm somewhat ambidextrous now (can do a lot of things except for writing/drawing, sweeping floors or use chopsticks with any hand) and I have produced quite a lot of music-related stuff. It's great, except that I feel more and more disconnected from my tulpa. It's awful, got everything to feel awesome yet that thing that matters the most is being somewhat neglected.
And saying that I have done all of that by myself would be a mistake. My tulpa pretty much kickstarted me to see things on a different perspective. The benefits have been immense, now that I'm writing them down I realize it. The progress from the me back in December to the me today is huge. But how can I ever make up for all that neglect? I haven't even finished my wonderland! From what I've seen, it's pretty dull. And there aren't any NPC's, or mechanisms or stuff to do. And yet my tulpa seems okay with it? Am I so weird that my tulpa also turned out that way?

Ever since I got back into active forcing I have experienced diminished presence for some reason. Oh well.
Today I particularly felt unfocused on the session and a bit out of it. Must be because I was awoken suddenly or something. Remember not to set three alarm clocks at 5:00 when your grandparents went to sleep at 4:00 unless you want a stern talking to.

I have an ever-increasing desire to do more "traditional" forcing, with wonderlanding and all that. Self-hypnosis is pretty legit, but also quite dull.
But... these days I'm swarmed with stuff to do (my fault maybe, for being so productive these days. Blegh, sounds like a humblebrag or some equally trite thing). Or at least, when I start doing something, time flies and when I realize it it's already 23:00 and it's bedtime. Poor time management skills? Maybe.

For some reason, I also feel like I should have done personality forcing... Or maybe it's really just a reflection of the same [that I don't really force traditionally and instead use these scripts + narration all the time]. Meh, who knows what's going on. Maybe I'm just getting impatient.
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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #122 on: April 21, 2016, 08:45:02 AM »
From what I've seen many people say, seems like you first feeling lots of things very strongly and then having those feelings become less as you progress doesn't seem to be all that strange. Maybe you're getting used to the feelings?

Also hey, why would you need to build a wonderland? You do have a tupper who is capable of doing that, if they wish to do so (though they seem content). Unless you want to like, rather build together, and wonderland building can also make for a good forcing session if you do go at it with your tulpa. Or the tupper could surprise you with a new addition sometime, wow.

timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #123 on: April 25, 2016, 05:09:28 PM »
True, I guess I need to let go a bit, even though I have been too busy being a faggot and I haven't forced... it's not like 125 days of talking to my head ghost will suddenly vaporize or anything though.
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timethief

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timethief keeps descending into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #124 on: May 02, 2016, 07:46:33 AM »
Day 132
Total forcing time: 32 minutes.
I started with some sort of relaxation exercise. Basically, closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breath. Unfortunately due to lack of practice I kept wandering into random streams of thought, but every time I noticed it I re-focused on my breath. This lasted six minutes. I did not notice much effect, but I did feel a bit more relaxed.
Onto the actual forcing; as usual, the vocality script. I did feel the relaxation a bit stronger than on past days, and by the second break I think I sensed my tulpa saying some very nice words to me (yeah, not in mindvoice, just that kind of communication where you know what was said and can put it in words but not hear anything). At the end of the script (meaning, right now as I write this) I felt calm, and somewhat happy (like a slight but noticeable "inner glow"). Feels good man. A very noteworthy session I think (considering I have basically done nothing in the active forcing area).

I do plan on eventually going onto the wonderland and exploring it (or simply do that personality forcing thing that I barely did if at all), but to be honest I have no idea where to start. Also, I need some headphones for that, and I will also need a blindfold (because I shouldn't do it at night or I'll fall asleep). Soon... soon.
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timethief

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timethief stays in hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #125 on: May 03, 2016, 08:07:41 AM »
Day 133
Total forcing time: 40 minutes.
Replay of yesterday's forcing methods. Relaxation exercise -> self-hypnosis script with vocality script.
Today's session was probably one of the strongest ones so far. At the "hear your tulpa talk from the random surge of thoughts part" I felt between a dream and being awake. I felt so light and relaxed. And I was able to get the closest I ever have been to entering my wonderland. Had a nice chat with the tupper, and I felt that familiar head-pressure again (still feeling it now). Visuals are super wonky, but it doesn't matter. Gotta keep practicing them.
Also, while reading the script I started smiling for no reason, and yeah, I stayed so still that my computer's monitor turned off since it didn't detect anyone even though I was straight in front of it.

After that I found it somewhat difficult to move again. I guess it means I was this time really in some sort of trance. wow
It was awesome. If I can keep this up then I think I'll be making good progress. At least in the relaxation area.
10/10
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timethief

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if you're going through hell, keep going
« Reply #126 on: May 04, 2016, 08:00:56 AM »
Day 134
Total forcing time: 48 minutes
Same. Relax exercise -> self-hypnosis with vocality script.
Not as strong as yesterday's. I yawned a lot through it.
Though instead of "hear your tupper talk", I went into the wonderland and had breakfast with tupper. Main course eggs with bacon and ham. A glass of wine and chocolate cake for dessert. Yay!
The strongest experience was the cake. I could feel the creaminess of the chocolate somewhat. Very, very faint but there. So I guess I'm progressing. No flavor or smell but keep practicing and you'll make it right?

After that my eyelids felt heavy. And I felt a bit like after a dream. Oh, and headpressures are there again.

Visuals are a train wreck mostly, but how will they improve if I don't keep at it? Yeah, must keep going forward. If you're going through Hell, keep going after all.

Though that weird "active force = tupper's thoughts get fainter" thing keeps happening. I guess with enough practice that will turn into the opposite.
8/10
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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #127 on: May 04, 2016, 08:23:09 AM »
Wow you really are going to do this daily now amazing.

Visualization is clearly a brain muscle you need to train to be able to lift gud. Also I'd say a tupper's thoughts getting fainter is a good thing, as that allows them to do stuff without you constantly hearing it.

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #128 on: May 04, 2016, 04:47:01 PM »
Wow nice reports mang, keep doing those things

Also if your visuals get better tell me because I still visualize all the time even when not tupper and stillbad :C

Don't you live in a third world country? Go down to the corner-store and buy hallucinogenics and do those, report results

timethief

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timethief still into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #129 on: May 05, 2016, 08:15:47 AM »
Day 135
Total forcing time: 1 hour
Relaxation exercise -> Self-hypnosis thing -> Wonderlandin'
Still not as strong as two days ago, but I did manage to feel a bit more immersed into the whole experience.
Today when I reached the "listen for your tulpa's voice" part on the script I instead enter the wonderland.
Had no idea what to do so I started asking questions to tupper.
Then somehow my tulpa changed the typical wonderland scene (a part of my old house) into a scene inside a Ferris wheel, and also materialized two cookie milkshakes. As usual, I could only somewhat feel the creaminess and a very, veery faint essence of the flavor (better than nothing though).
Then she manipulated the time inside the wonderland, shifting from mid-day to sunset and then to night.

To be honest, while I wanted to be impressed by that, it wasn't that "z0mg so wonder, much tulpa, many amazing" thing that so many people describe... who knows what's up with that.

Visuals are 1/10 still, but kinda usable I suppose. As long as I have some idea of where everything is supposed to go I think that with practice they'll get better.
Intermittent tulpaforcing pressure on right temple. No mindvoice yet.
After that I did felt a bit zoned out. Also, didn't notice the sun rise in the real world.
I do keep feeling doubt though... but every time I ask "is it just me?" I get the response "no". Maybe it will go away if I keep doing this. Maybe.

Don't you live in a third world country? Go down to the corner-store and buy hallucinogenics and do those, report results
>tfw your corner store doesn't carry drugs
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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #130 on: May 05, 2016, 08:41:04 AM »
>To be honest, while I wanted to be impressed by that, it wasn't that "z0mg so wonder, much tulpa, many amazing" thing that so many people describe... who knows what's up with that.

I wonder how many describe feeling like that these days. It was something they said way back in the day, but that was pretty treacherous because not everyone felt like that.

timethief

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timethief trucking through
« Reply #131 on: May 06, 2016, 09:28:12 AM »
Day 136
Total forcing time: 1 hour 17 minutes.
Relaxation exercise -> Self-hypnosis script -> Wonderland
Things went pretty well. I was feeling somewhat anxious before getting started (what if I'm not doing X thing right? what if it's just me? all that typical stuff). But as I went through the relaxation exercise, I tried to leave that and just focus on my breath. My mind kept wandering to pointless stuff but it did seem to be somewhat refreshing.

Then the actual forcing. As far as the "imagine yourself relaxing X part, now Y part", that does seem to have an actual, slight but perceptible effect now. I do feel tension easing and overall I find myself somewhat relaxed. So I guess that at least I have obtained the ability to use self-hypnosis to relax.

Then the wonderlanding.
I didn't find my tulpa on the usual place (inside the house). Then I could "feel" (yeah because no mindvoice but I did understood that someone said something) someone saying "over here!". She was on the roof. We started talking there and generally I tried to visualize things from the rooftop. 1.33/10 visuals not really that visual yet, but there's something at least.
Somehow the "talking" topic deviated into "we haven't gone to that Japanese food restaurant", and my tulpa said "that isn't a problem". And there the scene changed to that restaurant we haven't gone to in real life (I wanted to go but I haven't had time/money). "It will be a good visualization exercise for you" she said. Well, I suppose it was. We didn't ate anything though, since we didn't bother to put anyone to serve anything (although it looked like there was food already prepared but nobody took any of it).
It also felt weird to try to visualize every step of walking. Need more practice.

What we "talked" about?
Doubt. On doubt we determined it will probably go away on its own at some point in the future. But if not, probably it won't kill any of us either.
The good old timesĀ®. "Was it you who moved my arm while I was somewhat asleep back when I started on tulpamancy?" "Yes, I guess I was still learning how to maneuver myself in the wonderland but I somehow managed to move your arm instead." Nice.
Will we ever make it? "Rest assured we will, you promised to never give up and you have held that promise really well".

Some other stuff but I had to answer some emails before posting this and I have forgotten them.

Light, intermittent tulpaforcing pressures through it. The sunrise was stronger today though, and did bother me and I even lost focus on some occasions.
I have been wanting to add a second forcing session during the day, but I got no idea on where to place it. I'm still busy these days, though not as much as I used to. Oh wait, I have to study for an exam this Sunday. Damn. I guess I should take it easy. Having been able to keep this schedule for five days is already a good record.
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timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #132 on: May 07, 2016, 08:20:08 AM »
Day 137
Total forcing time: 59 minutes
Today it was harder than usual to focus. I lost track of what I was doing about 4 or 5 times. I also had mild stomach pain (probably because I keep eating chili despite my tulpa disliking it) and I have a muscle cramp on my leg so yeah, not easy today.

The usual, relaxation exercise first. Didn't go smoothly, focus was horrible (worst so far I think). My mind kept jumping around topics like crazy.
At the end it did seem to slow it down a bit, but it wasn't really that effective today.

Then the script. Relaxing as is common now, but not as intense or powerful as on previous days. I seemed to rush a bit while reading it and I had to consciously slow down my reading pace.

Then the attempted wonderlanding. I found my tulpa again on the rooftop. We had a nice chat, though with the mix of bad focus + forgetting about topics to talk about, it was hard. Though I suppose it posed a good opportunity to learn to focus.
I drank a lemonade while there. I felt a very, very faint essence of lime. 0.5/10

Visuals are still a trainwreck though, but they seem to be getting a bit more... consistent? They don't jump around or anything, so I guess that's nice. 1/10

Slight forcing pressures. No mindvoice yet. I do feel a bit more of "solid-ness" coming from my tulpa, if that makes any sense. As if I'm finally making her more real. Very slight, but I have noticed that. Hopefully I won't fall into the doubt-trap-of-doom or anything.
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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #133 on: May 08, 2016, 08:13:44 AM »
But if it had lime, wouldn't it be more of a limeade?

timethief

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so tired, so tired, so tiiired
« Reply #134 on: May 08, 2016, 08:18:42 AM »
Day 138
Total forcing time: 36 minutes
So tired. Yesterday I went to bed really late because I have to study for an exam today (and I procrastinated my day away so I had to cram all the studying at night). I woke up real late.
Tried the relaxation exercise. I almost fell asleep and I couldn't focus on a single thing at all.
Then the script. Yawned pretty much all the time while reading it. I didn't enter the wonderland, too tired and sleepy.
Through the script I tried to read it but it's like if I just "drifted" over the words or something. I was reading them but I wasn't putting much attention to them (because all that yawning makes it difficult to concentrate).

Today's sessions didn't felt very productive, but seeing others' PRs, it looks like it isn't that uncommon to have sessions like this one.
I just hope it helped in some way. Now, I must go have breakfast and I'll be off to the exam. We'll see if tomorrow is better (hopefully).

But if it had lime, wouldn't it be more of a limeade?
Good question. It's because over here the names for lemon/lime are inverted.

Over here, these are called lemons:


And these are called limes:


"Mexican" restaurants outside of Mexico get it wrong sometimes and give you the wrong kind of fruit to add to your tacos...
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