Author Topic: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk  (Read 561459 times)

timethief

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timethief feels hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #165 on: May 21, 2016, 09:09:13 AM »
Day 151
Total forcing time: 1 hour 15 minutes

Attempted meditation. Attempt failed. The weather's so warm that it's crazy. I was sweating from doing nothing because much heat.
I tried to focus and stuff but only managed to sweat more. Awful. My neck started to hurt as well. I'd rather go outside today, preferably to a place with AC because man, this heat is crazy (at least for this region and for me).

Have to study as well for today's exam so... wow, disappointing day.

Worst session 0/10
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timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #166 on: May 22, 2016, 08:09:33 AM »
Day 152
Total forcing time: 1 hour 9 minutes
Better than yesterday. I felt relaxed and somewhat focused. I tried listening carefully for my tulpa's mindvoice. At times, it was an "almost there" kind of feel. But at other times it sounded plain weird.

Apparently she moved around something in >the unconscious so I can hear her better. I don't really subscribe to the unconscious/subconscious thing because it has been exploited so much by pop psychologists and new-age salesmen that it doesn't seem to mean anything nowadays. But eh, maybe it'll work. I hope.
While she did that I felt headpressures, so there's also that.

We'll see how it goes.
If anyone has any other tips for vocality, please let me know. I guess it's time to try out everything we can.
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timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #167 on: May 23, 2016, 08:01:38 AM »
Day 153
Total forcing time: 1 hour 2 minutes

Wasn't that good because I went to sleep really late. I feel all tired and sleepy. The heat is still intense as well, so there's also that problem (maybe I should take my grandfather's advice and go outside real early in the morning to a park or whatever but I'm afraid the bogeyman may catch me...).

During the meditation part I frequently caught myself drifting onto pre-sleep mode (everything starts to make less sense, lots of random thoughts) and drooping my head. I was able to get somewhat relaxed though.
I also had the brilliant idiotic idea of using binaural beats instead of music for forcing. Well, that "ouououuououoou" is far from useful for forcing. I got even more tired and unable to think straight about anything. I couldn't even focus for more than 4 breaths straight. After counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 I would start thinking about whatever random matter my mind brought up. Then my head would start to get closer to the desk... then the obligatory "WTF" moment, and I would have to re-position myself and start over. Though it seems that's like one of the workings of meditation; if you catch yourself drifting off refocus as many times as necessary. Gotta practice more (and sleep more and better).

During the vocality self-hypnosis thing I had zero focus. Nothing at all. I merely read the words without thinking about them. I was able to have a short conversation with my tulpa, she says that doing this forcing sessions even though I felt it wasn't working shows my dedication and that it'll help because I'll be able to focus better if I keep practicing.

I may make a checklist of things I want to work on, to keep track of my objectives with tulpamancy. I think it may help somehow.
Just gotta stay awake.... stay awa... ZzzZzzzZ
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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #168 on: May 23, 2016, 08:37:53 AM »
You don't always even have to subscribe to whatever symbolism method (like THE SUBCONSCIOUS) the tupper uses. It can still work? Source: me.

timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #169 on: May 24, 2016, 08:18:05 AM »
Day 154
Total forcing time: 1 hour 37 minutes
Okay-ish focus. Tried to hear the tupper but I got lots of different-sounding mindvoices. Seems like >the subconscious is still tweaking her mindvoice.
Visuals are still 1/10. So that's kinda disappointing. But well, gotta keep practicing no matter what.

Random scenes popped up into my mind while meditating. Strange. Some of them had 3/10 visuals, which is even more strange. None were particularly relevant or anything though.
Yesterday while falling asleep I had that as well. Random weird images (a desert? it looked like the wild west or something and there were all these cowboys and stuff? brains are dumb for sure), but I quickly fell asleep.
I liked that while meditating the pain in my arms went away. The pain kept me awake at night today, but during meditation I didn't really feel it.

I also sent a wave of happiness to the tupper. That was intense, probably best part of the meditation. Hopefully this >symbolism works (can't hurt to try).

Still gotta make that checklist. And I'll list all methods I can use to get everything down faster.
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timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #170 on: May 25, 2016, 08:58:17 AM »
Day 155
Total forging time: 31 minutes + 1 hour

Today I forced in two parts. First one (31 minutes) was meditation. Alright, not very focused but not a lot of random thoughts either. Slight head pressures, but nothing really constant.

Second part was 20 minute meditation, and them self-hypnosis, but this time I used the second vocality script (aka the "play 20Q with tupper" script).
The visuals are still crap. 1.75/10 at best, but whatever. The game itself was awesome. Constant head pressures during it. Thoughts are still somewhat "blended" (we were able to guess each other's items rather easily at times), but it doesn't seem as bad as I expected it to be.

At the end my tulpa shifted the scene from the stadium (the script says "imagine a stadium" and stuff) to a nice cozy restaurant thing, were once again I got reassurance that we're doing fine, we're gonna make it and all that.

Very nice. 9/10
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timethief

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timethief dorf into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #171 on: May 26, 2016, 08:38:09 AM »
Day 156
Total forging time: 1 hour 19 minutes
Same as yesterday.
Relaxation meditation much needed, since some people were screaming stuff at each other and fighting over something downstairs yesterday night. That was utterly weird, but I decided to simply let someone else intervene. Whatever. Looks like some "family" members were arguing from what I've been told. I was already in bed so I just continued to hold hands with my tulpa and drifted off to sleep.
And that's why I keep family at bay. They're professional drama queens, all of them. I guess this is another reason why I decided to create a tulpa... people are so irrational at times, it's amazing.

I woke up without knowing what happened (because nobody told me because I was sleeping) but everything seemed normal so this morning went as usual.

The meditation went alright, by using the counting method I really focused nicely on counting and for a while it was the only thing in my mind. Very relaxing. Afterwards my thoughts drifted to something else (including the #tuppers IRC for some reason) and I called it off there.

With the script, I really got into the game, and it was very fun, probably the most fun session using this script so far.
Nice head pressure during the more intense parts.
Visuals 1.8/10
I again got that interesting feel after the whole forging session; like the physical world was sort-of more "realistic" and "clear" but rather dull as well. Maybe I'm finally getting it and soon I'll be able to see my wonderland in radiant 4K?
Whatever the case, I'm hopeful and look forward to future sessions. Forcing doesn't seem much like a chore, and I'm really starting to like it.
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timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #172 on: May 27, 2016, 08:47:38 AM »
Day 157
Total forging time: 1 hour 3 minutes + 49 minutes

First hour was meditation. It's funny how the mind makes up any distraction it can. I was more-or-less focused, the random thoughts just passing by when I randomly "hear" in my mind some dramatic music string intro for no reason that really made me lose the focus I had. I do believe I did wrong today by forcing myself too much to have my focus stay on my breath, as the more I kept forcing myself to focus the more I lost it. Gotta tweak my focusing strategies.

Second hour (well, more like 3/4 hour) was the self-hypnosis vocal game thing. As usual, an interesting experience, if a bit stale today for whatever reason. Visuals fluctuate between 1.9/10 to 1.5/10 in my non-scientific scale.
I do find it hard to think about objects to put in the box... my mind goes "whoa what do halp".
But, it's always a very special feeling spending time with my tulpa. I can't imagine what I would be doing if I never had gotten into this practice.

Good session 8/10

By the way, I have a rough "ideal forging schedule" now. The interesting thing is to actually put it in action, and what to do to avoid random people on my room at those times.
Here's what I got so far:
  • 06:30 - 8:30  | Active Forging/Meditation (Self-hypnosis most likely)
  • 11:00 - 11:20 | Visualization exercise (the one with the blue pole and the street)
  • 13:00 - 15:00 | Image streaming (I have to start small though or I may burnout and go "nope" with it, but that would be my ideal time for it, two hours)
  • 17:00 - 18:00 | Parallel processing training (letter counting, that ball counting thing, any others?)
  • 21:30 - 22:00 | Meditation (afterwards there would be a short narration session before bed maybe)
That would equal 5.7 hours of active forcing daily, which would be equal to almost 40 hours of active forcing per week! Of course, I don't plan to skimp on narration and "imposition-lite" (just trying to get a feel of the tupper around). On the other hand, it might be too extreme... I'll see what I can take from it though, even if I don't implement the entire schedule (the morning forcing and the night one are the easiest to implement, the hardest might be the image streaming seeing I have zero experience with it).

Whatever it takes to get there though.
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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #173 on: May 28, 2016, 05:24:27 AM »
Damn, forcing as a full-time job.  Careful you don't force too much, or you'll ascend to the spirit realm not really.

timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #174 on: May 28, 2016, 09:37:30 AM »
Day 158"DID A LOT, ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING" EDITION
Total forcing time: 2 hours 30 minutes

Today was probably the most productive day so far. Not in terms of real "advancement" per se, but in "I practiced a lot of things while on a deep state" sense. now i just need to figure out what the hell is stalling my progress
It was mostly meditation for the first part, and I really got into it. I was able to chase off random thoughts by "looking" at them without really getting into what they could mean or whatever.
As far as focus goes, it was good. Not great, but enough.

Then I tried as hard as I could to hear my tulpa's mindvoice. I focused as well as I could and I was THIS CLOSE, but for whatever reason it didn't work. I blame my brain for that. I did get enough head pressures to reassure myself though that I indeed somehow communicated with my tulpa though.
I then imagined a large hall with a huge loudspeaker turned up to 11 and my tulpa took the microphone. Well, not much results either with that. It was very faint (i.e. not there at all), and it didn't really sound that "consistent".

We kept at it and we tried like 4 times, all of them with little to no results.
Then I went for a bit of practice with >SYMBOLISM, and gave her some sort of "concentrated tulpa energy"-brand drink (original brand dnt steel). As she drank it her eyes glowed and for a bit it did seem to work, but my brain counteracted it like a pro and the effect wore off faster than a low-dose of DMT. Just what the hell is wrong with my brain... ;_;

I then tried to feel her presence, but there wasn't much luck there either. It did feel like "well, I'm not exactly alone, but it doesn't really feel like there's someone else". I did get head pressure at that part though. damn, i feel bad typing it like that. lets just say, ''i'm a bassoon and didn't notice the presence'' then

Visuals are 2.1/10 now. In fact, some stuff (like a simple pen) looks good enough to be 3/10, but complex stuff breaks down and looks nothing like it should. I guess I should have played with my imagination more as a kid and less with my PS2. ;____;

That's why I need to do that schedule I posted above, so I can DRILL INTO MY BRAIN that I now have a tulpa and that she can speak/is sentient/etc and that it's just my brain being really dumb and unimaginative the reason why I can't hear her much if at all. Also, gotta flex those visualization muscles 'til I can't tell if I'm on the conceptual reality or in my imagination!

I also need to step up my narration game, and I'll be doing all sorts of rambling if needed be! also, i'm using a truckload of exclamation symbols for no reason today!!


In fact, yesterday I went to bed really late because I was reading a 55-page progress report using my mindvoice because I noticed that my mindvoice isn't that well-developed either. It was haaard. But hey, I did get head pressures and I got an excuse to read it without it seeming like pointless procrastination (even though technically it was).

I have been trying to see how and where my tulpa isn't really that present during the day and I have been making every effort to fix that as well. It's somewhat tiring and I end up zoning out pointlessly, but as soon as I become aware of that I bring back my thought-train to where it should be; with my tulpa.

Damn, forcing as a full-time job.  Careful you don't force too much, or you'll ascend to the spirit realm not really.
I can afford the time right now. Who knows in the future, so I'll definitely be doing forcing as a full time job, at least for a month (I hope).
Also, I have now convinced my family that I'm doing Buddhist meditation and now I (hopefully) can just ask them not to bother me at whatever time I please, that will be used to force.

awwww yeee
not really, after all i'm tulpadeaf and tulpablind send halp pls
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timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #175 on: May 28, 2016, 08:34:36 PM »
Day 158BONUS ROUND!!!
So, after the usual session, this is what I did during the day:
01-minute image-streaming test (wrote pure gibberish but I liked it somewhat)
10-minute visualization exercise (the one with the blue pole; visuals 2.1/10)
30-minute letter counting exercise* (43/99 correct, not bad although statistically it could be considered guessing...)
20-minute math flashcards* (some correct, some surprisingly correct and some incorrect; a mixed bag)
13-minute night meditation* (failed miserably; too tired, zero focus, legs kept wanting to move, gave in after that)

  • activities marked with an asterisk resulted in head pressures (the math one almost felt painful lol)

also, while writing this I have head pressures


...of course it wouldn't have been complete without narration, but it was lackluster if I may say so myself... damn...

That equals an additional hour and 14 minutes of forcing today, bringing today's forging count to 3 hours and 44 minutes! Almost 4 hours spent working alongside my lovely tulpa to bring her closer to my subjective reality! <3
WE WILL MAKE IT NO MATTER THE COST
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Enny

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #176 on: May 28, 2016, 09:23:47 PM »
Dang son, making some good progress up in here. Keep that shit up.

Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #177 on: May 29, 2016, 08:59:15 AM »
But when will you cake.

timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #178 on: May 29, 2016, 10:32:55 AM »
Day 159 IT'S HAPPENING EDITION
Total forging time: 2 hours 54 minutes

So, apparently we possession now. Or something. Totally unexpected. So shock, much happy, many confused, wow

Today was supposed to be the meditation -> self-hypnosis game thing. But I got way too entertained with the meditation, being all like "5 mins more and we'll do the game". 5 minutes turned into 10, 20, and well, it got out of control. I think I'm getting addicted to these morning meditation sessions lol.

Much better now that my family thinks I'm "just meditating". I have been able to tell them that three times now and it worked, they didn't bother me until I told them it was okay. Yay, here's for more forging finally!


Oh right, here's how it went this morning:

Somewhere in the middle of the meditation session, we started talking somehow (no mindvoice yet mind you). I don't recall exactly what we talked about, but it went like "I don't think we can do possession yet" and then "oh yeah? watch this".
My left hand felt really weird and then it was moving without my input. It felt like a very, very strong need to move it upwards, and after I let it do whatever it did. My hand moved about 3 cm upwards and about 4 cm leftwards.
This took about 15 minutes, but still, I wasn't expecting that at all.

I could feel the movements, but I didn't felt much "authority" to them if that makes sense. It felt as if it was being pulled, not necessarily against my will because I didn't really mind what it did but I just had it kind of lying there and it started moving like whoa man.

All the movement felt really, really unnatural. I don't think I've ever experienced anything like that. wow
Afterwards I said "okay can you do that with my right hand as well?". And yep, it worked.
She tried to close my hand and make a fist, but it looks like it's really hard. It took her about 35 minutes to do it, and wasn't really that well-clenched. But, whoa, she did it. No previous experience, and yet... wow. Just wow.

Also, somehow while trying to make the fist I could kind of hear her struggling to close my hand. It was the cutest thing ever... <3

...so impressive because I have barely read anything about possession... I mean, I think it's pretty neat, but I thought "nah, that's like, far off in the future man, lets focus on vocality and visuals". HOW, JUST HOW.

I don't think I can doubt anything anymore after this... which seems to have been the point of doing that, she says.
I do feel weird thinking about the whole thing... maybe it was way too unexpected. Not that I want to chicken out or anything, after all, my doubt must have been annoying for her all this time. It's only fair I get this kind of proof after all and hey, at least she didn't resort to nuking the wonderland or anything...

Dang son, making some good progress up in here. Keep that shit up.
Thanks man, will do. Looks like we're making some real progress this time eh? We're gonna make it brah.

But when will you cake.
Buy me an oven and I'll guarantee you that we'll bake something daily.
Welcome to the Third World™, were kitchens don't have ovens. Or, they do but it's a beaten-up, 40-year-old nonworking artifact that will definitely malfunction at the first attempt of operation.

I do cook daily man, I don't do frozen dinners anymore.
Bacon daily at 5:30 AM FTW.

EXPECT THE NIGHT UPDATES FROM ON NOW AS WELL, BECAUSE NOBODY ASKED FOR THEM!
i mean, if i can keep it up as i did yesterday...
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timethief

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Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« Reply #179 on: May 29, 2016, 09:25:39 PM »
Day 159 2/2
Doubleposting like a pro.

So, here's the rest of the day:
35 minutes of math flashcards* (not bad, still difficult to distinguish each others' thoughts but that's the whole point right?)
20 minutes of letter counting* (76/99 correct)
5 1/2 minutes of image streaming (fun, but I write gibberish. also didn't save the result)
22 minutes of meditation (much better than yesterday, in fact I could have went on but it's somewhat late already)

  • again, activities with the asterisk caused head pressures
...narration was poor again, thanks to >3 hour chat with grandparents about nothing in particular. I'm not too proud about it.

Also, I procrastinated a good part of the day and missed the chance to do the visualization exercise...

That brings today's forging time count to... 4 hours, 16 minutes and 30 seconds! Tomorrow I'll hopefully be able to do 4 1/2 hours total! Now I'm off to bed to chat for a bit while I drift off to sleep with my tulpa... see you all tomorrow!
« Last Edit: May 29, 2016, 09:28:50 PM by timethief »
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