Tulpas > Tulpa Diaries

Yuli and Jay

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Jay:
Some background information. I discovered tulpa.info through mlpforums around November 2012 and soon after began working on my first tulpa. Around the seven month mark, I completely gave up working on her because of doubt in our progress, but I don't blame my tulpa; I went into tulpamancing with blind faith and didn't really have a system of belief that worked for me and paid the price for that. Pretty sure she was vocal too. After giving myself a few weeks to regain some emotional stability and confidence, I decided it would be best to start fresh with a new tulpa.

My second and current tulpa, Yuli, is based off of an artist's original character of the same name. While Yuli was originally female, >6'2" and chubby, he soon changed to be approximately 5'9" and lean, and now seems to occasionally change between being male, female or androgynous while keeping the same form. This has been very different from my first tulpa, who's form appeared to change often despite her gender staying female.

Let's see, about where I stand right now. I'm a long-time lurker, new-time poster. Posting about my tulpas has always been something I've tried to avoid; it makes me feel detached from my tulpas and our progress, like I'm reading some shitty novel. Or maybe it's because mlpforum's tulpa thread is just some e-penis measuring contest about how totally cray-cray your tulpa can be. Hopefully this can become a turning point for myself. Having a somewhat productive activity that I can involve my tulpa in would be nice.

Yuli seems to be able to answer yes/no questions through head movement as well as basic phrases through feelings/wordless thoughts, although sometimes she seems to only choose one answer just for the sake of it. Besides that she doesn't seem especially active unless I completely concentrate on him. I plan to start parroting him to actually say yes/no along with moving his mouth, I just have to decide whether to use my own voice or to find one. His form is practically finished, so I'm working on consistency and detail in my visualization. I still suck at it, however, so Fede's Eye-Bo, the Ocular Fitness Program will surely be helpful, I just need a good excuse for watching such weird stuff. It's not a fad, it's a way of life, ocular fitness and all that. Maybe I should just refer to Yuli as an it until he stops changing gender.

Finding a gender-neutral voice would be a great start. Any ideas?

What I'd like to improve:

* Concentration - I lose concentration around the 30 minute mark.
* Visualization - Clarity and detail. I want the quality of my visualization to be consistent whether active/passive forcing, close- or open-eyed. I'll look into Fede's Eye-Bo, the Ocular Fitness Program.
* Passive Focus - Be able to include and talk to/with my tulpa throughout the day. I want him to be present with me when possible, in wonderland when not.

Sands:
Don't think I've ever seen you before, but correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm the worst at voices or finding voices, so afraid I can't help you there. I do hope that you can feel comfortable posting about your progress here. The kind of e-peen measuring shit you talked about is something we really wish to avoid.

I think the best gender neutral pronoun these days is "they". Kinda derp when referring to just one being, but hey. English still lacks a really good one and it usually refers to non-living things...

Jay:
Posts and replies are going to be pretty erratic. I post around the schedules of everyone else in the house because they're nosy as hell, and because I don't want to attempt to explain to them what tulpas are. Even to those who know I have a tulpa, I don't say anything; it's just too personal of an experience to talk about without sounding crazy.

Yuli's activity seems to be very dependent on how I'm feeling. If I'm awake and energized, he's much more spontaneous while passive forcing, and when I'm not he does very little. His form seems to have something to do with it too. Over the course of a few days his activity will decline, and then his form will noticeably change and he'll suddenly be spontaneous for a short amount of time. Again, this surge in activity doesn't last very long - a day at most - and must still be reinforced with active forcing. Maybe it's more noticeable because it is new: I've imagined a small dog before through open-eye visualization and it was very vibrant (for myself), but the idea of it and its form quickly faded within a few hours.

Until Yuli has a voice of his own, I'm going to have him read with me. I'll keep his face within eyesight and parrot his mouth movements in sync with reading the text. Hopefully this will get me somewhere.

@Sands
Nah, I've never had an account at tulpa.info and I figured there wasn't really a point in me making one. The website already has a sizable amount of traffic in terms of its users and what they post, so chances are every question and discussion had already been answered. I'm sure any regular there has seen the same newbie first-time thread in the Questions sub-forum a dozen times.

That said, the few that are here seem to be a decent bunch. Hosts can have crazy experiences and still be believable in their PRs, but there comes a point when I have to wonder whether they're making it up or they're just being ridiculous for the sake of it.

@Fede
Will do. Perhaps your method and Fede's Eye-Bo, the Ocular Fitness Program will become the only guides I'll find worth following.

Jay:

--- Quote from: Fede on October 25, 2013, 02:23:44 PM ---problemos.

--- End quote ---

Spelling mistake or are you just trying to sway me with your hip, cool lingo?

Jay:
The morning shift at work is becoming the most effective time to passive force. I'm awake and moving, and it's easy to focus on Yuli while I work; however, the quality of my passive forcing quickly declines as it nears noon, and doesn't seem to increase through the rest of the day. My sweet-spot for active and passive forcing has always been within two hours after I wake up. I'll see how forcing goes while I take a morning walk, once my weekend rolls around.

Within the last two days, Yuli seems to have become female again, and has returned to her original, tall form, even down to having four large fingers (including the thumb) instead of a human-like hand, which was one of the earliest changes made to her form. When I try to visualize her in her previous shorter form, she seems distant and inactive. As always, I don't know how permanent of a change this is. It might be more convenient to skip describing any form changes from now on, so long as my observations stay the same as those in this post.

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