Eat cake anyways.

I'll bake you all the cakes and you are eating them and getting fat. I don't even care.

Getting fat from all those cakes would depend largely on how you make them. Fat content (and source), along with overall calorie count anyway. Would also determine the rate of de novo lipogenesis. In an case, it's not about getting fat, it's more about nutrient deficiencies. I've already been up to nearly 400 lbs, I'd rather not go back, thanks.

Cheesecake, on the other hand.

How about carrot cake? That's tasty and healthy.

First recipe I found online for carrot cake.

    4 eggs < Healthy.

    1 1/4 cups vegetable oil < Not healthy, replace with butter.

    2 cups white sugar < Neutral. Empty calories but no real negatives.

    2 teaspoons vanilla extract < Fine.

    2 cups all-purpose flour < Not healthy.

    2 teaspoons baking soda < Fine.

    2 teaspoons baking powder < Fine.

    1/2 teaspoon salt < Fine.

    2 teaspoons ground cinnamon  < Fine.

    3 cups grated carrots < That's a lot of carrots, but also fine.

    1 cup chopped pecans < Never cook nuts. Ever. It's like making varnish.

I'd have to do a fair bit of supplementing. Experimenting with other flours and / or starches would take time. Just because the name has something veggie / fruit like in it, doesn't make it healthy.

Eggs are amazing. They're like the duct tape of the food world. I had a couple this morning with some white rice. Was some good stuff.

Right now, though, I'm seasoning a cast iron pan with a bit of used soybean oil. (I don't like eating PUFA oils, but they make fantastic finishes on cast iron, I tell you what.) Shame we don't have anything to cook in it right now, though.

I would take the rice, fully cooked already, and toss it into the pan to heat up. After that, I would beat some eggs and pour it in. While cooking the eggs, I'd scramble them up while in it, then add salt.

Or, you could try a variation of this, with just the rice and eggs, unless you'd like to try the rest.

I would take the rice, fully cooked already, and toss it into the pan to heat up. After that, I would beat some eggs and pour it in. While cooking the eggs, I'd scramble them up while in it, then add salt.

Remember to cool your rice first. This is more to Intel because he asked but cool your rice or it'll get pretty sticky real fast. You probably meant that with heating it in the pan again but I just want to stress it and spell it out.

Of course you've all heard of Fede's Raped Pasta Special, haven't you? Buy pasta. Heat water. Put pasta in a bowl. Pour water in said bowl. Wait one minute. Eat. Enjoy it while eating. Digest. Eat more.

Nooooooo...