Author Topic: The Change Agent  (Read 23634 times)

Re: The Drawing Agent
« Reply #30 on: November 13, 2015, 04:08:01 PM »
I found the typo and just had to correct it. If you don't tell me, I have to investigate on my own.

13 November 2015

Tried drawing, but as I expected, it didn't turn out very well. I can only hold a closed-eyed image in focus for 5-10 seconds before it changes. That's why I always preferred doing open-eyed visualisation when I interacted with my characters; the visuals were stable. As I focused on the visuals while drawing just now, my attention to the physical sensations waned. I wanted to focus on those, not the visuals, so I stopped trying to draw. I did write "Yep." with an underline as a test, though.

In other news, I've figured out that making the imaginary body's skin sensitive helps me pay attention to the entire body more. Because it tickles just a tiny bit everywhere, so I have to keep moving and touching myself to ease that feeling. I wonder how things are faring, like, three months from now. Time flies when you're having fun.

« Last Edit: November 17, 2015, 01:46:44 PM by Fede »

Re: The Change Agent
« Reply #31 on: November 14, 2015, 06:44:03 AM »
Did you tickle yourself?

Re: The Location Agent
« Reply #32 on: November 15, 2015, 04:45:57 PM »
I did try it momentarily when I saw your post. It tickled. I'm sensitive alright.

15 November 2015

Skipped yesterday. Was busy hearing news about French people getting killed, playing video games, eating, napping, and excreting. Today, I tried spawning on a tidy version of that sand beach from Dear Esther. I paddled a bit. As often repeated, I get a little better every time, which is deeply motivating. It keeps me from becoming overly frustrated. If anything, the biggest worry I have is being too tired to focus properly. So I can definitely recommend this practice.

I've noticed how I'm able to project this "sense of location" onto the physical sensations. Like depending on whether I feel them of a body I imagine to be in front of me, behind me, or as a replacement of the physical body, the sensations feel slightly different. Obviously, yes, but it's useful, because it's easier for me to feel the sensations of the feet from a body in front of me, rather than below me. It then doesn't feel like I'm trying to override the sensations of the physical body, which can be bothersome if I have an itch on one of the physical body's feet.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2015, 01:46:36 PM by Fede »

Re: The Change Agent
« Reply #33 on: November 16, 2015, 07:42:03 AM »
Next step is to learn to ignore that itch, obviously. It's time to get deeper.

Did you try to be a cat yet?

Re: The Second Feline Agent
« Reply #34 on: November 17, 2015, 01:46:20 PM »
17 November 2015

I've run out of noteworthy things to say. I guess it was more interesting initially and I thus had more things to put out. But at least I have some interdasting details to read back on now. I'll let you guys know when I have my big break so I can then move on to chapter two: attack of the tupper.

I tried being a cat, butt then I realised I currently suck at keeping track of all the joints and the way a cat is supposed to function anatomically when moving. I'll stick to humans for now due to the familiarity of the human body. Animals later when I git gutter. I did feel the softness and furriness of my body, though. And the wetness of my snout.

Re: The Change Agent
« Reply #35 on: November 18, 2015, 10:23:56 PM »
A cat doesn't have more joints than you, you know.

Re: The Joint Agent
« Reply #36 on: November 19, 2015, 03:24:15 AM »
Perhaps, but they behave differently. It's not the quantity, but the composition.

Re: The Change Agent
« Reply #37 on: November 19, 2015, 06:33:14 AM »
Even that's extremely similar, just stand on your toes. The bones between the joints are different lengths and all, but otherwise the bone structures are very similar with us flatfooted homos and graceful cat feetsies.

Now you must go stalk through the grass as a cat.

Re: The Creature Agent
« Reply #38 on: November 20, 2015, 01:39:56 PM »
I can be other creatures, but movement is tricky because it doesn't come naturally. I can remain still and do sedentary actions without making it feel weird, but I seem to have some kind of trouble imagining non-bipedal animals move in general. Maybe I should just watch some videos of cats moving or something. Between you and me, I'm not the one looking at cats every minute of my life.

20 November 2015

Tried being a cat, a lion, and a dwarf. In the first two cases, I mostly stood still, sat, shook my head and neck, and opened and closed my mouth. In the third case, I could see the floor really closely. As for the current situation, I find it easy to "empathise" with someone else in terms of imagining what it physically feels like to be them in the moment, which, well... I'm not sure if it's super useful, but it's still interdasting to note for the record. The "third person" method seems to prevail.

Re: The Update Agent
« Reply #39 on: December 05, 2015, 09:45:34 AM »
5 December 2015

Status report because I haven't written anything here for a couple of weeks. I've become used to the whole body very quickly coming into focus these past several days. I only so often have to "work my way" up the focus ladder until the whole body stays present in the moment. I rapidly bring one limb into focus at a time, and as I do that, the focus expands. First feeling the naked skin, then feeling the clothes, then feeling the ground, then the temperature, then the wind.

I've experimented some more with watching videos and films purely for the sake of looking at the bodies, or a particular body. My eyes work like laser pointers. I'm like a Medusa; just instead of turning people into stone, I project myself into them, causing mild tickling sensations wherever I look. And then I feel those sensations. Having something pre-existing saves me the trouble of visualising. Not that visualisation is difficult, but my imagination is very impermanent; I'm better at working with moments, – short scenes and things with movement – so it's nice to have something that is predictable, or stands completely still. And it allows me to focus entirely on one sense.

Not gonna ramble too much about non-imaginary matters, but nearly the whole development department of my company was rushing to meet a deadline the other week, so I didn't have a lot of time left over to simply meditate. But it has got me thinking that the meditation doesn't end just because I stop sitting down on my bed during the sessions. In fact, I'd say I spend more time thinking about feeling imaginary bodies during idle moments than during the sessions, so the "sessions" really are just supplementary.

Re: The Change Agent
« Reply #40 on: December 06, 2015, 02:09:07 AM »
Fede have you been wasting your time on TvTropes?

Re: The Trope Agent
« Reply #41 on: December 06, 2015, 06:51:56 AM »
I wasted a lot of my time on it last year. These days, I just read it now and then. Some articles come to mind at random when something occurs to me, and then I reference those. Maybe I'll return to doing those occasional article binges one day. What about you? How much time have you wasted?

Re: The Change Agent
« Reply #42 on: December 06, 2015, 07:01:20 AM »
I waste every second of my life.

But not on TvTropes.

Re: The Superior Agent
« Reply #43 on: December 06, 2015, 02:01:29 PM »
Oh, yes, sorry. You're simply too good for TV Tropes. How dare I.

Re: The Change Agent
« Reply #44 on: December 06, 2015, 09:14:02 PM »
Darn tootin'.

I think you should pet more imaginary cats.