Oh right, these were just bug eggs after all huh. I notice those guys are pretty serious about “mining” them, and there are even a couple of sneaky poachers trying to snag dem chubby little eggies... So what exactly are they good for? Can we make an omelette? With some luck we might find a buglizarddog egg, and then we’ll raise it into our loyal pet. Win!

Rowol – apart from combat situations, don’t forget to keep the torch on when taking pictures of the dark places. It’s hard to see anything in some of those pictures. And did just you pick up friggin NINETY FIVE eggs?! We could almost dig up a hole and start our own little egg farm… ahem, mine. Screw that, make it an industry. An empire. Yook co. is going to monopolize the whole freaking insect egg market, and then the buglizarddog market too, until there are no competitors left. The only alternative would be to explore the dwemer ruins, and it sounds rather bleak in comparison.

highlight: “There’s the door to the main chamber! Oh wait, first I gotta backtrack all the way and check every other possible path” – justgamerthings.tumblr

Wait.. what??? Don’t just trust a junkie like that, he oughtta be making that shit up!

Let’s check the Redoran and Morag Tong guys so we can think about joining them. These Camonna fuckers sound pretty tricky, and might need some justice serving.

Every faction in this game seems to be related to Dunmers somehow, come on…

Flash-forward to the fighter’s guild, are we supposed to check the egg… mines?!? Mineral eggs? Golem eggs perhaps? You lost me there. But dungeon crawling, yes! Now that’s an adventure! Oh, let's talk to the junkie too.

Joining a guild is useless, we are the greatest warrior this land has ever seen anyways.

Try delivering the package since we're already here, but I'm more interested in Larrius Varro. It looks like he might need some help.

And remember to always hit on girls.

Wow, we actually need to get ourselves a torch or something. Maybe because I’m not a nord or khajiit, but when it’s dark I can’t see jack shit. So let’s just free those slaves and tell them to get some of the weapons we found at the smugglers’ corpses. Hopefully they’ll be able to fend for themselves, at the very least.

The chest thing made me laugh though, that’s some typical elder scrolls stuff. “Wow this chest is so well hidden, I can’t believe I managed to find it! I wonder what kinds of amazing stuff must be stashed in there… Nope. Nothing.”

Oh, and one more thing. Use a torch. Seriously.

Hahahah, what’s with the clothes? We look just like a damn hippie, straight out of the sixties. Pretty groovy. But if Hrisskar thinks we are here to talk about peace and love, he’ll be shocked. Since he’s already gone and called us a fool, that means it’s time to get medieval on his ass. Spank that motherfucker. Besides, Faggot might really be a faggot after all. But he is our faggot.

Wow, Yook must’ve really lost his cool after being spoopied by that ghost… He just talked to a woman and didn’t even try hitting on her! Where’s the mojo, man??? Show me the mojo! I know being hit by floating hammers is tough and shit, but come on. Even blue girls should be o-kay.

The money thing’s a bit tough. We do need some money right now, but it’s not like we’re pesky thieves either. I say give the money back. We might be able to find whoever killed that guy, bring him some thunderous justice and just loot whatever’s on the killer’s body. A good day for any nord.

Wow Roswell, I’m actually impressed by how much stuff you managed to loot before even leaving the starting area. In fact, Yook might be suffering from a serious case of kleptomania… Are we even going to sell this stuff or are we just compulsive looters? Well, we might find out soon enough. Still, that axe looks damn sweet. I hope no one misses it.

Going back to character creation, the obvious birthsign is The Lord, because Thunderbeard is the fucking boss. Class name has to be groovy, so I’ll go with bad motherfucker.

And what’s with this Gravius guy, trying to push his stupid job onto us and everything? We can ignore it for now, so let’s just go around and do our own thing. On the other hand, this Faggot elf actually looks like a good guy. Even if we are compulsively stealing everything in our path, we should do the honorable thing and give it back to him. Not that we care about random Faggots, but lying about it would just feel bad anyways. We’ll find better stuff. And those Imperials really sound like assholes, so fuck them. As for opening the package… We don’t have a reason to do it yet, so I’d hold onto it for the time being.

Right now we really need to get our shit straight. We are stuck in this mysterious land so why not travel around and find something interesting to do? We gotta get at least enough money to keep ourselves from starving and to start buying our own stuff, and settling down on this village doesn’t sound very fun. Maybe someone around the city, or perhaps at the bar, might know about an interesting job or rumor. Anything that gets us splitting skulls and making bank sounds great.

MOUNTAINFIST THUNDERBEARD actually sounds freakin awesome. +1

This is a great idea. I started elder scrolling on Oblivion and never got around to playing Morrowind. I’m glad you got the mods too. That should fix the most glaring issues, as expected from Bethesda.

So we barely start the game and there’s this half-naked elven pirate gypsy slut staring at us. Not the most comfortable greeting, I guess. Well, at least the guards look okay. Not much else to say, it’s just the classic prisoner start after all.. Woah, is that a giant goddamn flea with tentacles in the background? Let’s just keep a safe distance, for now.

First, let’s start by thinking about the race. Stats and Bonuses don’t really matter, you should only care about flair. The rest can be easily overcome through brute force and willpower. So these are our options:

Elves: Gay. Kind of cute, though, but that’s it.
Argonians: Ugly, scaly and smelly. Just go back to your damn marsh.
Khajit: Are you a furry? Stop drinking skooma.
Orcs: Nope.

Alright. Now that we've decided to go with humans, I'll open up your eyes to the only obvious choice.

Nords.

What? Nords? Yeah, nords. Those guys are simply a bunch of badass motherfuckers. They can easily kick every other race in the ass, and here’s why: these assholes came here all the way from Skyrim. While you were too busy suckling your mommy’s breasts and walking on all fours, these glorious bastards were out there wrestling against polar bears. In the snow. Naked. They were punching snow trolls in the face and laughing about it. Yeah. They can also grow epic beards and drink many gallons of milk in a single day. Those guys are motherfucking Vikings. They can take punches to the face. They can take magic blasts to the face. Doesn’t really matter, nothing will stop them from ripping you apart. Many of the dragonborn were nord too. Yep, those fuckers have dragon blood running in their veins. Basically, nothing stands between a nord and their goal. Not for long.

Okay, now that the race is settled, let’s talk about classes. Well, the class doesn’t really matter. You could be a mage and explode everyone with a flick of your fingers. You could be an archer and kill everyone with an arrow to the face before they even see you. Or you could just, you know, pick up a big sword or axe and start tearing everyone to shreds. Yes. I promise I won’t stop you.