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Messages - Fede

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1
Off-Topic / Re: The Absent Agent
« on: December 27, 2015, 07:33:14 PM »
Here goes nothing.

2
Tulpa Diaries / Re: timethief dicks into butts for a dose of insanity
« on: December 27, 2015, 11:58:09 AM »
I swear under penalty of perjury that I'm not making this shit up.

But you are.

3
Off-Topic / Re: The Whatever Agent
« on: December 27, 2015, 11:45:11 AM »
Then the fault would be on me for making an entity (tupper or servitor) that has such flaws. I'm not imagining someone into being just so they can further fuck things up. Their role and very reason for existence is to do the opposite. I'm not supposed to be the one babysitting or guiding along; I'm supposed to not be the one in control, but them. Despite how much it may seem like it, I try to avoid the path of "let's make tupper so they can do random things and play blocks and eat doughnuts". It's a possible scenario, but tnot the goal.

4
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Poop Day
« on: December 27, 2015, 07:26:29 AM »
Despite how much Colonel likes to talk shit, I second that notion.

5
Off-Topic / Re: The Possessed Agent
« on: December 27, 2015, 07:22:39 AM »
I said making my body ticklish, not tickling my body. I actually don't like being tickled. And, I don't want to spend my focus on creating a tupper now because then I would be diverting my attention towards them instead of focusing on what I should be doing. Tuppers need attention, you know.

Like I said a few posts ago, the entity (tupper/servitor) that is to take over for me is still in the planning phase. They're only going to be useful once I can completely let go of the physical body, such that when they take over, I don't instinctively interfere and "insist" that I guide them, out of fear that they screw something up.

So, for now, I'm working on escaping. The takeover happens when I've finally broken the chain.

6
Off-Topic / Re: The Marathon Agent
« on: December 26, 2015, 01:50:32 PM »
26 December 2015

Slowly progressing, as always. Making the imaginary body ticklish has made it very pleasant to be in it. Earlier, I was listening to some music. Singing along to it in the imaginary body was very good practice in terms of feeling the subtleties of the facial muscles moving and the voice's vibration in the throat. I was crying a little bit due to how natural it's starting to become. Makes me feel like it's going somewhere, regardless of whether that's just false hope. Just gotta keep at it.

I intend on doing another marathon, starting next Monday (28th). It means that all my leisure and idle time will be spent focusing on the imaginary body. Use of my computer will be limited to now and then checking the e-mail, and checking whether Minecraft 1.9 is out yet so I can get the server started. This gives me the remaining two weeks of my current holiday to spend on focusing on feeling another body. I expect I'll last perhaps a month or two in total before I get bored and feel like playing TF2 again. Until then, have a couple of songs while I'm absent.

7
Tulpa Diaries / Re: timethief descends into tits for a bottle of milk
« on: December 26, 2015, 08:01:55 AM »
Too many censor bars. I stopped hovering over them halfway through the post.

Shame you don't like Eye-Bo, but like the instructions say, if the audio is bothersome, either decrease the volume or just mute it altogether. The pulses are made of brown noise. No, Colonel.

It's a normal side-effect for some people that thinking becomes discordant while watching. For that reason, Eye-Bo works well as a sort of thing to "prepare" you for doing meditation afterwards, or even just as a way to train yourself to enter a deeper state of mind faster. Like you wrote, it actually turned out to be an aid later, even if your thoughts were jumbled during the actual session.

Of course, you also gotta test the various frequencies to see which ones help you the most in what you're trying to do; it could just be that you chose the wrong frequency, and something like Delta or Theta would benefit you more due to their slower pace. You don't even need to do the full half-hour length; if, say, 10-15 minutes work better for you, then go ahead. Experiment.

Also shame you've decided to be a pleb-tier narrator. Jesus Christ, all these narrators are turning tulpanet into pure shit. Turning? It always was shit.

8
Off-Topic / Re: Introducks
« on: December 25, 2015, 05:34:36 AM »
Yeah. It's not like this place is collapsing from sheer activity or anything.

9
Off-Topic / Re: The Stale Agent
« on: December 15, 2015, 03:06:15 PM »
Truth in television.

15 December 2015

I initially approached the mechanism idea by reusing this little experiment I did the other week where I'd direct the physical body with a controller. It went somewhat okay-ish, but I found that it demanded the physical body to be a zombie responding slowly to things. It wasn't very compatible with my current routine, so I discarded it. What I've resorted to is instead suppressing the physical body's automatic reactions, and instead feeling them in my imaginary body. This has quickly made it hard to feel any strong emotion with the physical body, and experiencing emotions with it feels kind of alien already, so I'll take that it works.

10
Off-Topic / Re: The Shared Agent
« on: December 12, 2015, 11:12:32 AM »
I actually did the moment you wrote that, and just now again when I re-read it. I petted a black cat on my lap. It was soft.

12 December 2015

I've spent my time touching other bodies these past 4-5 weeks, and I feel I have a solid enough foundation from which to work now, so I'll be returning to do the body numbness and dissociation thing. Started today. Moreover, my 23-day long holiday starts next Friday, so I'll especially have lots of time then to do sessions.

I'm also gonna start working on some kind of entity to control the body soon. Still in the planning phase, as I'm wondering how it should function. The ideas currently are:
  • A mechanism that allows me to direct the body via a symbolic device in wonderland. In my absence, the mechanism performs as few autonomous actions as possible, and functions only as a maintainer.
  • A servitor that performs maintenance and employs as much autonomy as it needs to, acting the way people would expect me to when I'm absent. It wouldn't have much of a life of its own, and would reply with very basic answers.
  • A tupper with whom I'd share the body. There are multiple applications with this choice, like self-improvement. Dunno what kind of tupper it'd be, as the one I'd prefer is on indefinite hiatus because the delusion attempt was never fully executed nor cancelled.
I'll sleep on it some more.

11
Off-Topic / Re: MFW you have someone pretending to be your mum
« on: December 10, 2015, 02:19:43 PM »
It must've been a recent change. Can't imagine someone would've pretended to be you since, what does it say, June 2013?

12
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Cake Days
« on: December 08, 2015, 01:59:40 PM »
When is tulpa satisfied?

13
Off-Topic / Re: The Superior Agent
« on: December 06, 2015, 02:01:29 PM »
Oh, yes, sorry. You're simply too good for TV Tropes. How dare I.

14
Off-Topic / Re: The Trope Agent
« on: December 06, 2015, 06:51:56 AM »
I wasted a lot of my time on it last year. These days, I just read it now and then. Some articles come to mind at random when something occurs to me, and then I reference those. Maybe I'll return to doing those occasional article binges one day. What about you? How much time have you wasted?

15
Off-Topic / Re: The Update Agent
« on: December 05, 2015, 09:45:34 AM »
5 December 2015

Status report because I haven't written anything here for a couple of weeks. I've become used to the whole body very quickly coming into focus these past several days. I only so often have to "work my way" up the focus ladder until the whole body stays present in the moment. I rapidly bring one limb into focus at a time, and as I do that, the focus expands. First feeling the naked skin, then feeling the clothes, then feeling the ground, then the temperature, then the wind.

I've experimented some more with watching videos and films purely for the sake of looking at the bodies, or a particular body. My eyes work like laser pointers. I'm like a Medusa; just instead of turning people into stone, I project myself into them, causing mild tickling sensations wherever I look. And then I feel those sensations. Having something pre-existing saves me the trouble of visualising. Not that visualisation is difficult, but my imagination is very impermanent; I'm better at working with moments, – short scenes and things with movement – so it's nice to have something that is predictable, or stands completely still. And it allows me to focus entirely on one sense.

Not gonna ramble too much about non-imaginary matters, but nearly the whole development department of my company was rushing to meet a deadline the other week, so I didn't have a lot of time left over to simply meditate. But it has got me thinking that the meditation doesn't end just because I stop sitting down on my bed during the sessions. In fact, I'd say I spend more time thinking about feeling imaginary bodies during idle moments than during the sessions, so the "sessions" really are just supplementary.

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