Mangs, it's funny how the more you look at your tulips the more you see. Not just visually; it goes without saying that the more you imagine them the more you can imagine em. But in every aspect.

Parallel processing is important to just about everything we do here, but I've managed to worm my way into some of its feats just by changing the way I look at my brain flowers (my tulips or tulpas, in case it isn't clear). I figured that a separate consciousness ought to have separate thoughts not necessarily immediately accessible, but I didn't learn how to give them this private space until I started seeing it there, until I accepted it as there. In other words, I looked for it and I saw it. And in the name of reciprocity, the same came to be on my end, and my thoughts became walled off, divided into what I think in my head and what I say in my head.

Or take possession. As far as I know, there was no difference between the "back" and the "front," if I may be allowed to use these terms, until I started to see the back and the front, to treat my mind as though such things existed. From its determination it saw to itself, and as long as I played by the rules I set down, the rules were valid, and now I don't feel as though I could disobey em if I wanted to. 

I could go on, but I think I got the point across. Really says more about how mastery here is about learning to do what you already know how to do. Its actuality is its being done, and belief in it quickly follows.

G-golly, guys. Okay.

That does sound pretty horrible. I'm beginning to understand what you mean about being bored into a switch, Colonel. Er, you know, through experience and all that.

Sorry I haven't updated, though I'm pretty sure no one cares. We've been doing an assload of possession, mang. The way I approach it keeps changing, too, uh, with respect to my nebulous internal feels and my perspective of the alteration of my perspective. For example, I used to treat giving up my eyes as though I were giving up my other muscles, but now that principle feels really universalized; I simply slip away and everything slips away with me.

Leading to some strange results. We were reading today and I realized I wasn't comprehending the words from the page, but listening to her read it to me. Very surreal and p.neat. My eyes do that graying out thing, but she can still see. Down the road toward switching, hidey-hee, hidey-hoo.

Oh and I find it hard to be associated after a long day of possessing, but sleep fixes everything right up. So that's something, too. 

Edit: Oh wait, I thought of other stuff.

I forgot to talk about regular forcings. Man, the wonderland is getting strange; the folks there, non-tulpa, are getting... I mean, idk how to say it, but they're becoming smarter/stronger. Some of them seem aware of their position and are acting accordingly. Jerks even semi-exiled me, though I understand their reasons. Long story.

Yes, I know it sounds crazy. It is.

Beebeebeeb.

Hi. Clair, Sophia and I are doing well. They've been possessing quite a bit and I'm really enjoying it. The more dissociated I am, the more I really feel like we're a team, and I get to advise them through external problems like they do me. And the trust building involved in letting go of body control has brought us a lot closer. P. neat.

I'm learning how to enter the whole possessed and withdrawn mental state more smoothly, too. Uh, and we're kinda sorta working out the eye situation, but the resolution is really just getting better at staying back. At one point I became dissociated enough that I felt like I could visualize (something I thought to try after a conversation with The Colonel), and it was pretty cool, for what I could do without losing focus. Sophia was in charge at the time, so I went to the wonderland with Clair and found I couldn't hear what was going on up-top, even Sophia's thoughts. But then I started thinking about the front, which made me lose focus and reassociate. Wonderful, familiar failure. Still, this is like the best switching related failure to date.

So much fun. Oh yeah, and wonderland stuff too, but not as much. Or, at least, nothing exciting to report that hasn't already been said. 

Oh, yeah. I should update this.

So we've been doing the same stuff over the past few nights; about a half an hour of reinforcing various things before forcing. Getting a new sensation recently: Like being impressed upon to be in the wonderland, or being in such a state that associating with imagined senses is more desirable than not being so. Kinda interesting, and worth watching for the moment.

Just been tending to the lighthouse, as we tend to. Did some gardening on Monday, some redecorating yesterday and some detail flushing today, and of course lit the damn thing at dusk like I'm supposed to do but keep forgetting to do. Luckily Sophia has my back; she takes care of it when I'm too busy.

And possession is inching along, too. Clair fell asleep again while possessing the other night, which is always kinda strange for me. It's just chatting, chatting and then boom, it's a few hours later and I'm back in control. 

That is irrelevant. What matters is that you shouldn't go around saying you do things I do or teach, when you're doing something that's only 10% similar and thus isn't what I'm doing.

Oh, but you misunderstand! I am doing what you teach. Lemme go into more detail.

So I started off by repeating a few phrases I know to work from previous self-hypnosis sessions while trying to maintain the euphoric state. These are mainly things repeated with emphasis in the induction, like, "These experiences are actual" and, "I can see mental imagery in vivid detail." These are okay, but I felt I could do more, so I tried to do a full, impromptu induction, but focusing on that, uh, killed my high so to speak. But the failure lead me to a realization! I've been reinforcing the stuff, but I haven't set my mind on a trigger. I figure this exercise either doesn't need one or could benefit from one, so I'm going to give it a try tonight. If the former, more reinforcing will likely lead to results. If the latter, more reinforcing will likely lead to results.

So, yeah. I'm feelin pretty good about it.

Cuddleforced like fede for about twenty minutes then went and did wonderland stuff. Things were about as clear as usual, but I didn't expect boom progress on the first shot. Nice alternative to meditating before forcing, anyway. We just laid on the grassy shore near the lighthouse and chatted, as per usual. Oh, but I heard seagulls today, which is a first. They were like "caw, caw" and I was like "brrrrrrat," to use the onomatopoeia. 

And possession stuff. Even though Clair spends the most time doing possession stuff, it's funny how Sophia improves with her, passively. Lazy pone. Anyway, Clair's friends are all busy still being in college, so she just listened to music and fussed at me for liking the music she was listening to instead of fucking off to lala land.

After that, some eye-bo. Always a treat; makes it really easy to dissociate from my eyes. Should do it more, and I might. Though I probably won't. Though I may.