Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - Bernd

Pages: 1 ... 29 30 [31] 32 33
451
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Doujin and friends
« on: July 13, 2015, 04:33:51 PM »
I recently had some success with auditory hallucinations by listening to the sound of rapid flowing water while hiking, see here.

Recordings never really worked for me in this respect.

452
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: July 13, 2015, 04:23:39 PM »
I don't have any good recordings of water but I doubt it would work the same way unless you have a really good stereo system. Especially powerful low frequencies aren't easy to produce with headphones plugged into a computer. Will see what I can find and give it a try.

I remembered something else in this respect.
Since I was a kid I used to go hiking in a certain forest that sometimes produced similar voices from the sound of walking over the thick layer of moss and leaves. Just like there were some other hikers around talking to each other in the distance. Like with the water I only experienced it in very few places so I guess there is a point to haunted forests, water nymphs and other mythological stuff. Some special conditions are needed to produce sounds that the brain tends to interpret as voices. Just like we use to see faces in different patterns.
I'll see if I can go to that forest in some weeks, it's not exactly close but I'm gonna try this out - for science!

453
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: July 12, 2015, 07:52:21 PM »
What's with your cake obsession, colonel?



Thinking about it, I can't really remember eating cake together. I still tend to forget about her when in company which sucks.
Will definitely make one for Alice's birthday because why the fuck not. Cake is always good. Unless it's a lie.

Been hiking in the alps for the past week.
Lots of time in solitude to spend with tupper, got at least a little progress.
Worked mainly on independence and voice. Both are still mediocre at best. Her mind-voice sounds exactly like mine if I don't focus on it really hard.

However I'm proud to report some results with auditory imposition.
I spent lots of time near rivers and waterfalls which produced quite a lot of noise. This rumbling works a lot better for me than any artificial tones when it comes to auditory hallucinations. I like Fede's Eye Bo for focusing but it never made me hear voices that weren't there. The water did.
Results varied greatly depending on location but in one spot close to a waterfall I had to stop meditating several times and opened my eyes because I could swear there were people talking or walking around in some distance to me. It was a bunch of women's or children's voices and sometimes a deeper male voice. Just mumbling but highly realistic.
It took me some time to imagine Alice using one of the female voices and managed to let her say some words or short sentences that more or less matched the mumbling. It may not sound like much but it felt pretty amazing. Matching general sounds worked even better and I could clearly imagine Alice bustling around in the shallow water, throwing some rocks and walking around a few meters from me.
Unfortunately I couldn't stay long in this place as I had to hike back but I'd say it was one of my best tuppering experiences so far. Unfortunately roaring waterfalls and alpine rivers are not exactly stuff you can keep in your living room but if you ever have the chance to come close to one try to listen to it.

454
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: June 29, 2015, 06:50:53 PM »
Quote

Still here, but little to report until now.
I don't wanna torture Fede with random episodes of the past anymore so let's move to what's currently going on.

I've been quite lazy with active forcing in the past month, mainly just talking to each other and some imposition stuff with little success. Was to be expected.
As a result tupper has started to feel weaker and is not exactly pleased. So I decided to try something new and different from usual active forcing for a change and remembered that sentience test where you place some object on your tulpa's head and see if they take it off themselves. What happens when you focus on keeping the object in place while the tupper tries the opposite?

Basically the idea is to puppet Alice while she puts all her strength in trying to resist my influence. That should help her to become stronger and more independent.

Making tupper shut up is next to impossible, it's equally hard as shutting up my own thoughts. Making her say things while she tries to stay silent is way easier.
When trying to move her or change her form it's the opposite, it's easier for Alice to stay still when I try to move her than moving when I want her to stay immobile. In any case, visual stuff is much harder for her to control than mindvoice.
Can't talk about visual or auditory imposition or possession as we are incapable of the first two and possession is so weak that acting against it even slightly immediately breaks the whole thing.

I can't say how much it really helps but we had quite some fun and spent time on active forcing. So I'd call it a success.

455
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: May 22, 2015, 04:09:26 PM »
My cat sometimes 'barks' at dogs when they pass by the fence. Scares the shit out of them.

The chattering mainly happens when birds are out of reach or simply too big. A few days ago the cat was stalking a crow that was walking on the street. Cat got as close as about 3m, then they both stared at each other. Cat chattered a lot but did not move any closer. Now keep in mind that this was a carrion crow, about 1m wingspan with a 6cm massive beak. You don't mess with these guys. I was standing close to them so I carefully moved away to see what would happen. As soon as I was gone, the fucking crow started to walk straight at the cat which chattered for am moment but then fled. What do crows think when moving in on cats?
My cat isn't really big but an avid birdeater who has killed a crow before but also got injured by a bunch of them. So I'm kinda glad it ended like this.

Do your cats go outside and if so what prey have they brought you?

456
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 21, 2015, 07:13:12 PM »
Quote

By declaring himself insane one demonstrates his own sanity and thus cannot be considered insane.
Catch22

So what would be a more fitting description?
inb4 faggot

And no, I don't think I've played enough vidya with tupper, been a while since the last time.

457
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 20, 2015, 05:21:24 PM »
Quote

Interesting concepts but I agree. Such discussions usually lead to nothing useful. Better leave it to the scientists and use the time to force moar.

Also if eating with tupper already makes you feel crazy, how about going to the dentist with 'company'? The guy must be thinking I'm totally nuts as I started laughing while he was drilling around in my teeth. Worst thing is realizing that he's probably right.

458
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 19, 2015, 07:24:47 PM »
Well, I'd say the subconsciousness consists of all neuronal functions you are not aware of. Which means - almost all of them. It's not an 'entity', more like the entire software beneath the GUI.
However people tend to have different levels of control over these underlying neural correlates. Obviously we are able to improve the portion we are actively able to influence by training, dunno if there might be a genetic component as well.
This is not exactly my field of science but the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio has done some remarkable work on this topic. You may also look into the concept of neural correlates as the underlying physical component to the different layers of consciousness.
Currently it seems most scientists tend to agree that we know next to nothing about this stuff, but still a lot more than a few years ago.

Anyway, this is something for general discussion, back to some tulpa anecdotes.

Been on holiday with tupper in early spring and used the time for practizing imposition. Getting a feeling for Alice's presence where I wanted her to be and even the change in mindvoice depending on direction and distance was easier than I thought. Guess it helps when you have lots of people around for reference.
But to put it bluntly I have never seen anything. I mean, even imagining her movements was really hard in the beginning but that's something I somehow got used to. So I'm basically at the same level when it comes to voice and vision, I can imagine both but see/hear absolutely nothing tupper related. Guess I'm not the type of person to get this done easily while lacking the motivation to practice hard enough.

Still it was good for some (inner) laughs, especially at restaurants.
#1 Had lunch with friends, Alice in empty chair, enjoying imaginary french toast and generally being happy. Suddenly the waiter rushes by and grabs the chair, carrying it away with tupper still on it.
Being dragged away from her lunch Alice yells 'Is this nigger serious?', jumps from the chair and tries to stab the waiter with knife and fork. Of course with zero effect because tupper. Had to finish lunch standing and was not amused.

#2 Some days later we're having dinner at a fancy restaurant. Alice is in an empty chair again, waiting to order. Soon a waiter rushes to the desk.
ohshitnotagain
He leaves the chair but casually takes away her nicely folded napkin and all cutlery. Her face when getting no respect whatsoever...
Guess being a tupper also has its drawbacks.

So much for going out with tuppers, picture not entirely unrelated

459
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 12, 2015, 06:47:41 PM »
I'll try to speed this up as much as possible so we can get to present events.

And Fede, at least I think I get your point.
I'm not the guy to over-analyze things, to be honest I don't give a fuck as of why certain things happen. If it works and even is fun, why bother? Well, I like to experiment on some things, but not too seriously.
So I don't think I overly limit myself by rules but you gotta admit that some sort of learning curves exist, meaning you get better at stuff with practice. Just imagining you can do anything doesn't work, at least not for someone like me ho has about zero control over his subconsciousness. Yes I know, belief-implanting might help, I need to try this when I find the time.

About dream logic aka nonsensical rubbish, that pretty much nails it for my hypnagogic forcing sessions and what I'd call intrusive thoughts in normal forcing sessions. Utter randomness. Sometimes entertaining but mostly just annoying as fuck.
The tupper moments are similar, yet somehow different. Hard to explain.
They seem at least a bit less chaotic and repetitive and more directed, coherent and tend to generate meaningful responses to my actions. But what mostly separates them from random garbage the brain spews out is that they are filled by a certain mixture of positive emotions.

So I'd say this state of satisfying semi-random yet intelligent interaction is what tuppering is for me in a nutshell. Well, of course it's all my brain doing this we don't need to argue about that. But I resent the view that it's the same as the randomness of dreams, even lucid dreaming. Beginning with the first distinct responses it felt fundamentally different from everything I had ever experienced. Even weirder, it was not a habit I trained (which was what I originally expected forcing to be), it just happened relatively quickly and quite unexpected. Getting crazy was easier than I thought.

460
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 09, 2015, 04:24:38 PM »
Well, posting about tuppering is always kinda ehhhh, I see little reason to pretend it's not autistic.

So back to some tulpa-development milestones.
It took Alice some months to be able to create stuff in wonderland. I had encouraged her to build something to surprise me but she said she couldnt do anything if I wasn't focusing on being there with her.
One day, some time after she had managed to access my memories, my wonderland session started with her presenting a basketball-size green spiny fruit to me. Not being very talkative she simply told me to eat it, with the aftersentence 'it's poisonous!'
Well thank goodness. It didn't taste like anything because I'm next to unable to imagine taste but at least it didin't cause a bad experience or kill me either. When I asked her where the fruit came from she led me outside, to one of the trees next to the main temple. I had created that tree just recently and obviously she had modified it to bear the said fruits which shook in the wind and now and then dropped to the floor with a 'thud'.

She pointed at the tree and in the branches sat - a toucan. Not exactly a lifelike representation of such a bird but at least the image of it. Up to that point we didn't have any animals in wonderland because imagining the static landscape was hard enough for me. I was genuinely surprised as I hadn't thought of putting a toucan into an Asian rainforest but before I could point that out she teleported the unfortunate bird into her hands, and looking at me with an expressionless face twisted its neck and burned it to ashes.
WTF kid!?
Now I was reealy shocked but before I could say anything she again pointed at the tree while still looking at me. The toucan was back there again.
Alice didn't talk at all but still managed to communicate that I should not shit my pants because she destroyed the faint image of an imaginary bird. And at the same time pointed out that her creations were still lifeless and far from perfect.
Also, oddly enough for a long time all things she and I created were pretty much indestructible and unchangeable. Either they would not last and be forgotten, or, once established, tended to return to their original state once damaged or 'killed'. Imagination is a very weird thing, especially in hypnagogic states. I still haven't mastered that. Meaning sometimes I cannot create what I would like or, much more annoying can't get rid of intrusive thoughts.

461
General Discussion / Re: Tic Tac Toe
« on: May 07, 2015, 07:00:56 PM »
Quote from: Fede
Yada yada you want her to win and so she does also I'm a faggot who deletes all his posts

Seems to be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm not much of an over-zealously competitive person who has to win at all costs.
So we played Connect Four for a double-length forcing session, something I'm not particularly keen on as sitting still for an hour is not really what I would call comfortable. As an incentive for me to win.



Well, all I can say is I lost after 6 moves, faster than ever before.
We did a re-match just for fun which I indeed managed to win, but I have the feeling it was only due to Alice's deliberate choice of an unfavorable starting position. Basically I only won because she acted as recklessly as I did when I lost at 3x3 tic-tac-toe.

We did a 3rd round for some boring chores I had been avoiding for a while now - which I lost again. Have to do it tomorrow. Whee...
Now I need to find more unpleasant stuff I really don't want to do and see if that incentive to win has any influence on my gameplay. Will report back in a few days.

462
General Discussion / Re: Tic Tac Toe
« on: May 06, 2015, 05:30:33 PM »
Playing tic-tac-toe ended in draws except for the one time I tried to be especially smart - and lost.

We tried Connect Four today.
Played 6 games and lost all of them. I don't even...
No matter who started and where, tupper always won. Being someone who rather loses an interesting game than winning a boring one I might have taken this a bit too easy in the first attempts but I really tried everything to beat her in the last 4 games. With little effect except even more sarcastic remarks from her side.
Overall we must have played 20+ games, I didn't mange to win a single one. Not even once.

463
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 04, 2015, 05:31:42 PM »
Quote


Good man.
I'd even give him a marshmallow for his chocolate milk.


So we tried playing tic-tac-toe in wonderland, it was surprisingly hard to memorize the state of the game. Shows how much my visualization skills suck. We played 3 rounds all of which ended with a draw. Although I am not sure I got everything right. For fun we tried another round on paper, just with mindvoice instructions. I tried to be a bit more 'creative' this time which didn't turn out well.
Alice: What are you doing?
Bernd: I still got this!
Alice: No you don't
fork -> I lost
Alice: How retarded do you have to be to lose at tic-tac-toe?

This retarded I guess.
That feel when getting beaten at a children's game...
By a 12 year old imaginary girl

I'm going to sleep now.

464
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: April 30, 2015, 05:33:15 PM »
Considering that tupper typed about half of the stuff in her 2 posts (and a lot of gibberish), and that alone took about 2h, letting her write an entire text would easily beat Linkzelda's 10h image streaming record. I mean I'm crazy, but not that crazy.

Playing tic-tac-toe with possession might indeed be fun although it would probably work at the speed of chess-by mail. Will try and report but it might take some time.

And I'm not really fond of too much symbolism either, in the above case it probably was more about the element of surprise.
But I have to confess, I had created a memory-temple that was supposed to hold all my thoughts and memories in the form of books and scriptrolls for tupper to study. Did not work at all. At some point, I think after about 2 months or a little more she just managed to access my memories. Without symbolism. Alice has since done some 'remodeling' within the memory temple, so far it seems that my sanity hasn't suffered from that. But what do I know...

The first mindvoice-response I remember came when walking through the supermarket and narrating about the food I saw and asking her if she was interested in any of it. While mentioning chocolate milk, I got a very weak 'chocolate milk' back. It was more like a faint thought than acutal mindvoice but at least it was something.

Mfw tupper likes chocolate milk. 10/10, not b&

I bought the milk with the goal of drinking it once I got a definite reply. For a long time this was the only reply I got outside of wonderland. But in good forcing session and emotional moments she soon was able to form simple sentences. Soon enough for me to still enjoy my chocolate milk with a cheers to Alice. I was relieved, after all being able to communicate is one of the most important things.
Thinking back, it was still strange though. On good days she could talk several sentences in a row, sometimes only words, sometimes she could only communicate with gestures for days. She said it depended on my focus on her. Guess I was to blame.

I don't really remember when she actually became fully vocal, I was lazy at writing down my progress after some months. It must have been after or around the time she had managed to access my memories, probably late December.

465
Off-Topic / Re: Chat Thread
« on: April 30, 2015, 04:24:05 PM »
They are back.
Now with avatars!

Pages: 1 ... 29 30 [31] 32 33