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Messages - Bernd

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451
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 18, 2016, 09:46:07 PM »
Thanks, I needed that!


Anyway, nothing really worth reporting.
We had some ups and downs lately, I wasted most of the time with useless stuff that filled my mind and prevented me from focusing. And of course I'm nowhere near your amount of forcing either. Few and really bad sessions. I'm really trying to set aside an hour for active forcing every day but it's soo hard when you're a lazy fuck like me. Who's the world-class procrastinator now?

Unfortunately casual passive forcing is no adequate replacement for intense active sessions and quickly weakens tupper's abilities to an unsettling degree.
Ah, there's one observation I made - staring at the flashing lights of Fede's Eye-Bo appears to produce different colors in different sessions. Haven't been able to figure out what causes this. Normally the white light looks reddish when passing through the eyelids, the darkness blueish due to fatigue of the retina's cones. High frequencies are purple. However, in one sessions I have seen intense persistent red and orange colors which fit nicely to a sundown scenery in wonderland.
More of that next time, I need to get some sleep now.

452
Tulpa Diaries / Re: It's Alice Day
« on: April 25, 2016, 05:30:01 PM »
Oh look, it's this day again, time to celebrate



One year since I made this fake account
No one got it, might as well keep going. We don't have real users anyway.

So let's take a look at Bernd's achievements in the last 12 months
ab-so-lutely nothing

Not that I'm complaining though, at least tupper seems to be stable.
We try to do 30min session with Fede's tones daily now.

Today's possession training came to a sudden end when one hand touched cat that was sleeping on my chest. Cat was like 'who's that grabbing my tail?' and was totally shocked being woken from deep sleep. The sudden movement threw me out of the (barely) dissociative state I managed to reach.
Cat looked at me like wtf are you doing?
Told her it wasn't me and tupper did it but I think she didn't believe me.

I still find it really hard not to focus on the bodyparts involving possession. Tried Fede's method to do something with an imaginary body in wonderland to distract myself but it's not working very well. Guess it needs more practice. As always.

453
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: April 01, 2016, 04:30:44 PM »
Been sick as fuck for about a week.
I mean really sick, to the point of being unable to do or think anything. Dunno if it was really the flu but it felt like it. Thank goodness that's over with.

Before things got really ugly I managed to use some time for forcing in bed.
Concentrating was hard as I was constantly bombarded by intrusive thoughts in the form of loud 80s music and nonsensical political speeches, which made my tupper feel like some terror suspect being tortured by sleep deprivation.

Still things went better than excepted. Here we go

Hidden text
Some months ago a human character popped up in my wonderland for the first time. It was this guy.
 


I wasn't too happy at first as I generally prefer not to have other people in my wonderland. But as Alice did not terminate him with extreme prejudice, as she usually does with intrusive characters and because we all know that No one who speaks German could be an evil man I decided that he could stay. But I told him I had no time for him at the moment and he should create a place for himself beyond the huge mountains that rise in the west of our wonderland. He waved goodbye and went his way. I hadn't really thought of him since then, and if I just told myself he was busy behind those mountains. Problem solved.
Now tupper and me were thinking about what to do in wonderland. Any sort of delicate or complex work was out of question in my condition, so Alice decided we should go for a trip and visit the Nazi-guy beyond the mountains.
Ah well, what could go wrong? It seemed like the perfect idea for a feverish dream.
Outside in our east-Asian wonderland the air was cool and wet, low-hanging dark clouds quickly passed by. Alice stopped at the weird tree she had created, picking up one of the green basketball-sized spiny fruits "Because you need to bring a present when you visit someone". She really seems to like that guy.
Then we turned westwards to the mountains. I tried to envision the changing vegetation as we rose from the lowland forests to highland shrubs and finally alpine meadows, the summits of snow and ice still towering above us. Music and speeches were blaring and impossible to control, but we went on. Creating the landscapes on the fly was easy but I had no idea what should be behind those mountains and decided to just let things happen. Although I was a bit concerned to end up with concentration camps in my wonderland. Tupper bopped me on the head with the fruit saying the guy was from the Wehrmacht. "They don't run concentration camps".
Well, tell that to my feverish hallucinations.
We finally reached the ice and I noticed a snow leopard peeking from behind a rock above us. It quickly fled when Alice pointed out she could use a fur hat. My visualization skills were deteriorating but somehow we made it to the summit. There was an iron cross with an inscription "German alpinist union, 1936"
So this was the border of the known wonderland. Beyond was, apparently, Germany. Nazi Germany to be precise.
I looked down into the valley on the other side but saw nothing but clouds. Then they parted and revealed a beautiful alpine landscape in autumn, with bright yellow larch trees on the slopes below us. Alice became impatient and decided to break loose a large avalanche, sweeping us down the mountain, much to her entertainment. We ended up amidst the larch trees several thousand meters lower and made our way to what appeared to be a small town in the distance. We soon encountered a hunter that lifted his hat as he walked by but seemed a bit startled by our appearance, both wearing traditional Asian clothes. Alice said we needed to fit in and change into "something more appropriate".
According to her this meant wearing Dirndl and Lederhosen and becoming a Bavarian tourist-cliché. I tried to protest but it was no use. Alice looked like a crossover between Alice in Wonderland and Goldilocks in a blue-white checkered Dirndl. And me - well I don't want to talk about it. We moved on and heard stereotypical Bavarian Oktoberfest-music coming from the town that of course also looked like some cartoon-depiction of Bavaria.
But this wasn't just Bavaria, it was Nazi-Bavaria for additional lulz. Large red flags with the swastika were on the buildings and in the streets.
A lot of people were sitting on a long desk on a square, apparently eating Weisswurst and Pretzel and drinking beer. What else...
We wanted to go there to get some food but my powers were finally fading. Somehow we never got closer or ended up at different places.
I finally managed to summon the German soldier to the border of the town so Alice could give him the fruit she had been dragging along with her for the entire journey.
I asked him how this town was called, even though I knew already, and he smiled and pointed at the town sign, saying
Welcome to Unteralterbach

So well, that's that.
I guess it was inevitable.

454
Off-Topic / Re: Cat Network Discussion Thread
« on: April 01, 2016, 02:17:33 PM »
Wait, what?
I thought this was Cat Network all along

455
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: March 15, 2016, 05:53:46 PM »
At least it's not gay

Also wow rude

456
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: March 13, 2016, 09:20:29 PM »
Quote from: Sands on March 13, 2016, 09:46:18 AM
Hold tupper's hand in public for maximum spaghetti.

No one actually notices.

Implying that's not what we do all day every day.


457
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: March 12, 2016, 11:52:19 PM »
Not much progress with visualization but tupper presence is much better than some months ago.
Drawback: Got dangerously close to talking aloud to Alice in public or making gestures at her while imposed. Still can't see shit but I've gotten used to the feeling that she's 'there' in a certain place.

I'm not doing well at focusing on a certain skill however.
That's an overall problem I suffer from. I'm interested in too many things and would like to try them all, on the other hand spending decent amounts of time on a single task quickly bores me to the point that I do something else. But trying to improve everything at once is of course not overly productive. Alice has worked out some roadmaps to achieve our goals but sticking to them for a prolonged time is really hard for me.

Simultaneously I've been trying to improve my physical strength for tupper's future CQC training. Bernd is decently /fit/ but relatively weak and my coordination sucks big time. And then there's still possession and switching to be mastered.
Enough tasks to give you burnout by just writing them down, let alone accomplishing them *sigh*

458
Tulpa Diaries / Re: timethief descends into hell for a bottle of milk
« on: March 12, 2016, 11:13:36 PM »
>too busy to force
>post cats on the internet


Apart from that, I'd recommend discussing your innermost feelings with your tupper, might be more effective than sharing them with strangers on the internet. In any case, don't worry about this shit. Worrying doesn't help anyone and tuppers aren't stupid. In most cases they know more about their hosts than they do themselves, even if not fully developed. So I think it's kinda crazy to try to hide your feelings from your tupper or worry how they would react if you tell them. They're a part of you and will figure out what's going on in no time anyway.
Be grateful for your tupper, try to involove her in everyday activities and enjoy your life, the day will come soon.jpg enough when Ms. Brain Demon will claim your soul in return for all the favors she's granted you.
And don't tell me this is not what you wanted

459
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: March 12, 2016, 09:42:58 PM »
mfw cat looks like pic related

Still it doesn't work because assumption #2 is wrong. Cat doesn't always land on feet at all.
Yesterday cat fell off chair while sleeping and crashlanded sideways. So much for the graceful predator.
Gave me a nasty look as if it was my fault
I did laugh though

460
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: March 08, 2016, 06:45:30 PM »
We need wordfilters here.
Hypnagogic is spongecake now.

Been forcing in spongecake state in the past days but it's not as effective as I hoped. Visuals are awesome but as said I can't control what's happening and mostly fall asleep pretty soon.
Will get back to using Eye-Bo even though somewhere in the back of my mind I still fear Fede made these tracks from his own farts and I've been listening to them for over a year now. Well, I have to say it still is the most effective method I've used yet.

461
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: March 08, 2016, 06:19:32 PM »
Cat caught a big mouse today!
Then proudly carried it around like a dog carrying a bone
Went for a walk with cat to prevent her from taking the mouse apart in my living room. Cat is good dog and walks next to me on the street, still carrying the trophy
Mfw people look at us like what the hell, you'd think they've never seen a guy walking his cat that's  carrying a mouse

462
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: March 03, 2016, 11:30:55 PM »
So much for being more active here...
Quite a lot of work piled up while I was gone so I rather spent the time forcing than posting here.
actually I slept for most of the saved time

But it wasn't for nothing, had my second lucid dream this year. Well, not fully lucid as I didn't manage to do whatever I wanted. It was kinda mundane and weird at the same time. I was in a shopping street carrying a book I had bought when I ran into an elderly lady who was also carrying books. Somehow my book ended up among hers but she walked on without noticing anything. First I ran after her to get my book back but somehow our roles mixed and I ended up with my book again, still wanting to return it to her even though it belonged to me. My mind realized that the story was complete nonsense which resulted in a lucid dream. I spent the rest of the dream looking at the book in detail which was less boring than it sounded. It was a big illustrated book with very colorful nature and landscape photos. There was text on the cover but because dream I couldn't read any of it. Parts of each letter seemed to be missing but apart from that the text was stable. Normally text constantly morphs in my dreams whenever I try to look at it. The pictures were awesome with extreme fine detail and striking colors. I remember one showing lots of grey pebbles on a deeply red soil and another one with a lagoon, the water in all shades of green and blue.
No tupper to be seen anywhere though. But damn, the experience that the brain can produce such vivid visuals was really neat. If I could achieve 10% of this while forcing I'd be more than happy. So far the only colorful visuals I had were in hypnagogic state and those were beyond my control.

Regarding forcing, I did 30-45min sessions before going to sleep or when waking up during the night. Alice did some major reorganizations of our main wonderland changing it from south asian temple ruins to a more Japanese architecture. Simply because 'it's tidier there'. Guess she's still fed up with the dirt she's seen on our journey. Haven't been to Japan yet, if she dislikes that IRL as well we're probably gonna end up with some German timber-frame houses.
Realism also went into the trash as there are now two suns in the day sky and a huge jupiter-like gas giant in the night. Ah well...
Haven't been to the two other wonderlands tupper carved out of my memory palace whyy? for a while, they could use some refreshing too.

But something else happened.
I was pretty exhausted and tired, overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I was supposed to do IRL. My lack of efficiency =surplus of efficiency in procrastination made Alice angrier than the lack of actual forcing.
I tried to apologize to tupper while we were sitting in a temple in wonderland and asked her for help. She silently handed me her sword which left me a bit puzzled. Was I supposed to commit sudoku now to atone for my incompetence or what?
Seeing that I was lost she placed the entire sword inside my body.
k
Luckily I feel absolutely nothing in wonderland but I still had no idea what this was all about, except that it had to be some sort of symbolism, giving me her strength. As nothing changed or happened I was sceptical but Alice said 'It's going to work if you believe in it!'
That was really sweet.
During the next forcing session some hours later I asked her if she wanted her sword back, instantly feeling kinda dumb. It was like trying to return a present. Alice shook her head and, with a rather sinister smile, asked me if I had realized why this had to work.
It dawned on me that this clever use of symbolism was a mixture of self-fulfilling prophecy and outright extortion. It had to work because I had to make it work if I would not want to make her look bad.
Damned, she got me there.
Of course it doesn't do wonders but a friendly reminder why and for whom I actually want to get things done really helps. It's not about me now, but about her.

Well, that's it for now, things have relaxed a bit. Will try to update every few days. Just keep reminding me to force moar!

Btw, the spell check turns hypnagogic into spongecake

463
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: February 16, 2016, 10:16:56 PM »
My reaction image folder has 5gb. No danger of running out of pics soon.
Kids, don't let this happen to you. Get a life!

It's past 4am here, gotta go to sleep. Will try to force a bit in bed, hypnagogic hallucinations can be awesome. Or totally fucked up.
Let's see

464
General Discussion / Re: Tuppers; what do you do with them?
« on: February 16, 2016, 10:07:23 PM »
Talking is your best guess?
Are you serious

I was of course referring to playing games

465
Off-Topic / Re: Chat Thread
« on: February 16, 2016, 07:55:20 PM »
Wait, Fede's gone?
The fuck, man, I need at least his enlightening comments as the spambots don't wanna talk to me.
On the other hand I never understood why he was in the forum at all after giving up on his tuppers and declaring it was all nonsense anyway.

Come to think about it, wasn't the original purpose of tuppering to realize it's just an illusion and stop wasting your time with this shit?
Quote
As the Tibetan use of the tulpa concept is described in the book Magical Use of Thoughtforms, the student was expected to come to the understanding that the tulpa was just a hallucination. While they were told that the tulpa was a genuine deity, "The pupil who accepted this was deemed a failure – and set off to spend the rest of his life in an uncomfortable hallucination."
Maybe Fede's the only one of us that passed the test

Ah well, I find my hallucination veery comfortable, guess I'm a failure then.

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