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Messages - Bernd

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466
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: April 28, 2015, 04:31:27 PM »
Forget double-posting. This is penta-posting at its finest.
Now all I need is more tuppers and I can start my own circlejerk...
Sorry about it though, it seemed more appealing than some single wall of text that no one bothers to read anyway. Plus tupper got some typing practice.

Back to some of the most remarkable events of the earliest days, I chose the most sentimental ones, just for Fede.

In the beginning, Alice was merely a child.
Wearing some sort of ancient Chinese warrior's gown (nothing lewd here, don't get your hopes up) and sometimes carrying a golden staff or a sword as an insignia or 'to show off' as she later put it.

From Day 1 my main active forcing method was doing some Anapana meditation (even though I can't keep it up very long) to clear my mind and then doing a 30min session of Fede's Alpha or Theta tracks. At first I was a bit worried I'd get sick from the flashing lights but actually it was a quite comfortable feeling. Still in the first days I could not visualize anything meaningful.

One of the first memories I have is holding her in my arms while she was asleep. I tried to visualize her face and hair but with little success. We were sitting on the floor of a large almost completely dark room, the inside of some temple. Except for a few torches providing sparse light, there was nothing to see so I could focus on her. I still use this as my wonderland starting point.

In the first weeks (and still to some but lesser extent today) I had issues dealing with intrusive thoughts that were trying to hurt her, burn the entire temple or other completely random shit that was partly entertaining but, well, quite distracting.
However, this seemed to have provoked her first clear reaction.
At one point she seemed to be fed up with the nonsense, got up, drew her sword and held it in the air, filling the inside of the temple room with a blinding light that incinerated those things I had been bothered with.

Mfw that actually worked.
It didn't on all occasions she tried but at that first one I was so surprised that intrusive thoughts were out of questions for the rest of the forcing session.

We then walked out of the temple for the first time. It is a sort of South Asian pagoda atop a step pyramid overlooking the surrounding landscape.Some smaller temples and ruins amid a tropical forest. Naturally, my visualization skills were even worse than they are now (not exactly great) so everything was more like a brownish mash but considering it was the first time I ever tried to visualize an entire landscape it was a pretty cool experience. Better than expected.
On the way down the stairs to the ground she handed me her sword with a smile and I looked at it, trying to visualize some of its colors and the way it reflected light. A faint steel color was all I managed to get, then I handed it back to her and we sat under a tree at the base of the temple. I felt really exhausted after that session but it was the first time I had managed to visualize anything on a larger scale.

467
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: April 27, 2015, 04:58:47 PM »
Bawww...
But truly, this has lead to some interesting unintended effects such as Alice being completely devoid of fear. She may worry for my well-being but feels there is nothing to be afraid of as she cannot be harmed anyway. One advantage of being a tupper I guess. This together with a slightly unhealthy overdose of self-confidence is basically what she is about.
More next time, I've already bothered you with enough text-walls.

468
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: April 27, 2015, 04:21:00 PM »
Well shit.
But I made it up the following day, including massage. Yes, even guardian spirits like to get their feet massaged. Very much so.

And actually, the back-to-society-by-tupper plan worked out pretty well in the past 6 months.
I mean, it all was half as bad as it probably sounded. I never was some shut-in hikkomori or antisocial person, compared to the autism out there I feel so normal it almost hurts. All I needed was just a bit of motivation and tupper has been extremely useful for that, as well as for meeting new people. It may only be small steps, but after all I didn't want to change an unpleasant situation, I wanted to change a pleasant one without ruining it. I'd say it worked, I feel really good, even better than before.
So my resume after 6 months:
Success!

But now about Alice.
If you are at least vaguely familiar with Dante, think of her as a Beatrice-like figure. I struggled to find a good explanation, but why bother when you can copy it from Wikipedia.
Quote from:  Wikipedia
Dante saw Beatrice as a savior, one who removed all evil intentions from him. It is perhaps this idea of her being a force for good that he fell in love with, a force which he believed made him a better person. This is certainly viable, since he does not seem concerned with her appearance...

Indeed she does not have a completely consistent form, and not being based on any existing character I can also not provide any pictures. Wish I could draw but even then it would be quite difficult. Doesn't exactly help when trying trying to impose her though.

I had created Alice during 3 insanely intense forcing days last fall pouring all the positive emotions and strength I could gather into her and narrating some personality traits as described in the guides. Now I'm a pretty down-to-earth person but I admit that those days were kinda amazing and I was in a constant sort of natural high. Hard to explain and really not what I had expected. But it seemed to have been a beneficial surrounding for a young tupper.

469
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: April 27, 2015, 03:42:13 PM »
Quote
If you feel like getting more original with the names, there's always this.
It's gonna get even less original. We're just at the beginning.

To be honest, that anniversary didn't work out as plannend. No tupper massage, but let's hear it from Alice herself.

Note:
Tupper can barely type by possessing, it's extremely slow and the result is a jumble of letters. So what she posts here is either me typing for her or short passages done by her after much, much correction. But we keep practicing.

470
Tulpa Diaries / Every Day is Alice Day
« on: April 25, 2015, 08:40:15 PM »
I've been around this place for a while now and I guess I still owe you some kind of introduction. Also this will be for sharing some tulpa highlights of the past half year, your chance to call me a faggot and for Fede to mess with the thread title.
So here we go:

Hello
My name is Bernd.
24 years old, NEET. That's short for 'Not in education, employment or training'. In other words: I'm unemployed.
It's just that I prefer consuming animes and mangas to... well, working.



Which is also the reason I had stopped studying for my PhD. Sometimes, a man must make sacrifices. I mean, what could possibly go wrong when all you do is sit back and relax? So I really grew complacent in my nice apartment. Quiet, comfortable, lots of sunlight, friendly neighborhood. It was the perfect place to hide from the world and all responsibilities.
Due to not being a poorfag I could probably have spent decades like that but I knew sooner or later I'd have to return to society. So why not try to do something a bit more productive with my life while I still have the chance to choose what it's going to be? Ideally without getting arrested for it.
The only problem: That's really hard when you have no obligations whatsoever. Being able to do whatever yo want can also be a curse if you are as lazy as me. As Sartre put it, we are condemned to be free.

So half a year ago I decided to create a tupper.
I had known about tulpas for some years but dismissed the concept as too autistic compared to RL friends. Well guess what? You can always still sink a bit lower. I had isolated myself to an almost ridiculous point, so the latter weren't available anymore. And while I felt good most of the time, being arone like that simply isn't healthy. To ease the way back into the world of the living, as well as for holding me at gunpoint to stay motivated, a sort of spiritual guide suddenly seemed like the perfect solution. Apart from that, I had always wanted my gfs to be my soulmates and best friends, which of course didn't work out like that. People are different. Luckily.
It only struck me some months into tuppering that what I had created was actually what I had been searching for all my life but naturally never found in another human being. No one, no matter how close could ever understand your innermost feelings to the degree a tupper could. After all they are an integral part of ourselves. For me that's the beauty of the whole tulpa idea. Loving and understanding your tupper is loving and understanding yourself.

But let's get to the tupper already.
It didn't take me long to decide on a form or personality. I've had an OC character that I sort of dragged along with me for more than half my life. Her exact origins are lost in history but most likely are related to WH40K (sue me), Naruto (kill me), Alice in Wonderland (come at me) and Dante's Vita Nova and Divina Commedia (don't even pretend you know what I'm talking about). Anyway, I immediately knew that if I wanted to share my mind with someone for the rest of my life, it could only be her.
Short story, she has the form of a 12 year old girl, (fully human, mind you, no animu or furry stuff here), and has what could best be described as Scandinavian features with strawberry blond hair and blue eyes. But I rather consider her as a guardian spirit than a human, being both physically and mentally much stronger than me.
Her name shall be Alice, even though I've created an account under the name of Nele for her here, but that's another story. Feel free to use either of that.

Well, that's all for now, have to get back to forcing, it's 1/2 year anniversary and I've got some serious work to do.
If you know what I mean...

471
Off-Topic / Re: 4/20
« on: April 21, 2015, 04:43:49 PM »
I want the spambots back

472
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Meromero Days
« on: April 21, 2015, 04:35:28 PM »
Any way I can figure out how cute girls smell like without getting myself arrested? And taste... things like that should only happen between two consenting parties!
Either you have your lgf or you don't.

473
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Daecher (and friends)'s Growth Log
« on: April 05, 2015, 05:33:56 PM »
You mean Linkzelda's image streaming method, I suppose?
He's the only guy I know streaming that stuff, I guess it's all him. Pls don't tell me there are more people out there doing this for 8+ hours...
Check his progress report on tulpa.info, if you don't already know it. Seems weird, but then again it's a forcing method that appears to work for him.
I tried it but couldn't keep that up for more than a few minutes.

474
Off-Topic / Re: Chat Thread
« on: March 26, 2015, 07:21:53 PM »
This discussion is depressing...
What happened to good ol Murica?

Here in Southern Germany you can get pretty cheap food which is shit (probably still way better than average murkafood), but the better or even organic stuff is quite expensive. Stil nothing compared to Austria or Switzerland. At least their food quality is awesome, I'm willing to pay for that. Luckily far from being a poorfag but I always try to get what's on sale, often stuff that's close to the expiration date is sold for half the price. Still remains edible almost indefinitely if refrigerated. So if you buy smart you can enjoy high quality food for a reasonable price.

Cooking from raw ingredients can save a lot of money but it takes quite a lot of time. At least you know what you eat, compared to those ready-made meals which normally consist of the cheapest ingredients readily available.

About what to eat, as Sands said you need to like it, and the more diverse and less processed the better it is. Try to get sugar and trans-fats out of your diet as far as possible. Soft drinks, sweets, fast food - all that shit. I know that's really hard as this stuff is highly addictive. It's best done by slowly decreasing the amount you consume. But do yourself the favor, this crap will ruin your body.

Also I doubt any murkan food will ever be more expensive than it is in this shit country. So fucking expensive, man. Like, someone says that a gallon of skim milk in murkaland costs about 2 dollars, here you're lucky to get 1 liter for 1 euro so that's like what, almost 4 euros for the same amount. And our milk supposedly is pretty cheaply priced compared to some other European countries even though our everything else is hella expensive.
I always thought the Colonel was Murican. That burst my bubble.

475
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: January 17, 2015, 02:52:37 AM »
Ha, I kinda expected exactly this sort of comment.
I can't get myself used to calling all animals 'it' in English as in German few ones are neuter. However, all diminutive forms are, so kittens are 'it' whereas adult cats are 'she' except if specified as tomcat.
In Spanish, cats are always 'he' except if specified as female.

But apart from that, how much autism does it take not to feel emotionally attached to a creature you've spent your daily life with for more than 15 years?

476
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: January 16, 2015, 08:58:18 PM »
This thread needs more cat stories!

How does your cat react to you doing active forcing / meditating?
Mine is obviously feeling ignored which is considered a major crime, worse than reading.

.) generally is 'around', purring and/or walking up and down restlessly
.) licks or chews my fingers
.) scratches my clothes
.) scratches on door, disregarding pet door
.) jumps on shelf and shreds some important paperwork

Ok, it's not always like this, sometimes she's also sleeping on my lap. But given the weight and purring, that isn't exactly helpful either. But cute nonetheless.

477
General Discussion / Re: Eye-Bo, the Ocular Fitness Program!
« on: January 11, 2015, 02:57:53 PM »
Belief implanting might help

478
General Discussion / Re: Eye-Bo, the Ocular Fitness Program!
« on: January 09, 2015, 04:38:37 PM »
Well, whether it is to be called a clunking or clicking sound or something else is in the ear of the beholder. All I wanted to point out is that there is a different type of background sound apart from the voice.
I think both sounds are quite audible, but while the voice is pleasant the other one is a bit distracting. That's why I wanted to know if it was inserted on purpose or is some sort of artifact.

Anyway, thanks for Eye-Bo, I enjoy using it.

479
General Discussion / Re: Eye-Bo, the Ocular Fitness Program!
« on: January 08, 2015, 08:48:03 PM »
Uh, I don't want to be a dick but the sounds really are there.
In the beginning I really thought they were something in the background like my cat but they always remained the same so I took a closer look. You can hear one example in Constant Alpha at 4:30, two distinct 'beats' in rapid succession.

I made some (pretty ugly) sonograms to show what I found.

1) Three normal alpha beats @ 4:34
2) The background voice as dark line in the lowest frequencies @ 4:26
3) Here's what I mean - some low frequency sounds @ 4:30

480
General Discussion / Re: Eye-Bo, the Ocular Fitness Program!
« on: December 04, 2014, 06:58:41 PM »
I think my screen is quite happy with the chair it is placed on while I sit in half-lotus position on the floor.
One might argue it would be wiser to sit in the chair yourself, but that kinda would be cheating. It's already getting better even though I am still a lightyear away from reaching full lotus without breaking my legs with a crowbar first. Well, after all - no pain, no gain.

Back to topic - I noticed occasional clunking sounds in the alpha tracks. Were they inserted on purpose like the voice, just artifacts or am I already going insane?

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