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Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: April 28, 2015, 04:31:27 PM »
Forget double-posting. This is penta-posting at its finest.
Now all I need is more tuppers and I can start my own circlejerk...
Sorry about it though, it seemed more appealing than some single wall of text that no one bothers to read anyway. Plus tupper got some typing practice.
Back to some of the most remarkable events of the earliest days, I chose the most sentimental ones, just for Fede.
In the beginning, Alice was merely a child.
Wearing some sort of ancient Chinese warrior's gown (nothing lewd here, don't get your hopes up) and sometimes carrying a golden staff or a sword as an insignia or 'to show off' as she later put it.
From Day 1 my main active forcing method was doing some Anapana meditation (even though I can't keep it up very long) to clear my mind and then doing a 30min session of Fede's Alpha or Theta tracks. At first I was a bit worried I'd get sick from the flashing lights but actually it was a quite comfortable feeling. Still in the first days I could not visualize anything meaningful.
One of the first memories I have is holding her in my arms while she was asleep. I tried to visualize her face and hair but with little success. We were sitting on the floor of a large almost completely dark room, the inside of some temple. Except for a few torches providing sparse light, there was nothing to see so I could focus on her. I still use this as my wonderland starting point.
In the first weeks (and still to some but lesser extent today) I had issues dealing with intrusive thoughts that were trying to hurt her, burn the entire temple or other completely random shit that was partly entertaining but, well, quite distracting.
However, this seemed to have provoked her first clear reaction.
At one point she seemed to be fed up with the nonsense, got up, drew her sword and held it in the air, filling the inside of the temple room with a blinding light that incinerated those things I had been bothered with.
Mfw that actually worked.
It didn't on all occasions she tried but at that first one I was so surprised that intrusive thoughts were out of questions for the rest of the forcing session.
We then walked out of the temple for the first time. It is a sort of South Asian pagoda atop a step pyramid overlooking the surrounding landscape.Some smaller temples and ruins amid a tropical forest. Naturally, my visualization skills were even worse than they are now (not exactly great) so everything was more like a brownish mash but considering it was the first time I ever tried to visualize an entire landscape it was a pretty cool experience. Better than expected.
On the way down the stairs to the ground she handed me her sword with a smile and I looked at it, trying to visualize some of its colors and the way it reflected light. A faint steel color was all I managed to get, then I handed it back to her and we sat under a tree at the base of the temple. I felt really exhausted after that session but it was the first time I had managed to visualize anything on a larger scale.
Now all I need is more tuppers and I can start my own circlejerk...
Sorry about it though, it seemed more appealing than some single wall of text that no one bothers to read anyway. Plus tupper got some typing practice.
Back to some of the most remarkable events of the earliest days, I chose the most sentimental ones, just for Fede.
In the beginning, Alice was merely a child.
Wearing some sort of ancient Chinese warrior's gown (nothing lewd here, don't get your hopes up) and sometimes carrying a golden staff or a sword as an insignia or 'to show off' as she later put it.
From Day 1 my main active forcing method was doing some Anapana meditation (even though I can't keep it up very long) to clear my mind and then doing a 30min session of Fede's Alpha or Theta tracks. At first I was a bit worried I'd get sick from the flashing lights but actually it was a quite comfortable feeling. Still in the first days I could not visualize anything meaningful.
One of the first memories I have is holding her in my arms while she was asleep. I tried to visualize her face and hair but with little success. We were sitting on the floor of a large almost completely dark room, the inside of some temple. Except for a few torches providing sparse light, there was nothing to see so I could focus on her. I still use this as my wonderland starting point.
In the first weeks (and still to some but lesser extent today) I had issues dealing with intrusive thoughts that were trying to hurt her, burn the entire temple or other completely random shit that was partly entertaining but, well, quite distracting.
However, this seemed to have provoked her first clear reaction.
At one point she seemed to be fed up with the nonsense, got up, drew her sword and held it in the air, filling the inside of the temple room with a blinding light that incinerated those things I had been bothered with.
Mfw that actually worked.
It didn't on all occasions she tried but at that first one I was so surprised that intrusive thoughts were out of questions for the rest of the forcing session.
We then walked out of the temple for the first time. It is a sort of South Asian pagoda atop a step pyramid overlooking the surrounding landscape.Some smaller temples and ruins amid a tropical forest. Naturally, my visualization skills were even worse than they are now (not exactly great) so everything was more like a brownish mash but considering it was the first time I ever tried to visualize an entire landscape it was a pretty cool experience. Better than expected.
On the way down the stairs to the ground she handed me her sword with a smile and I looked at it, trying to visualize some of its colors and the way it reflected light. A faint steel color was all I managed to get, then I handed it back to her and we sat under a tree at the base of the temple. I felt really exhausted after that session but it was the first time I had managed to visualize anything on a larger scale.