16
Parents' cat was a cat.
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It's bothering me a lot that I don't get much tulpa forcing pressures if at all, nor I get "alien" feelings either.
And I'm scared as heck that I would do that to my tulpa. And that I'm merely using her as a tool to improve myself. And what have I done in return? I haven't even finished designing the wonderland! And I don't have time for it (seriously, I can't even go to the IRC anymore because >too busy)! What good is a tulpa host if he merely uses his tulpa as a tool, only to not do anything in return? What good there is in a host if he doesn't actively try to help their tulpa go further? If he leaves his tulpa in a half-baked state, with struggling independence, no mindvoice and zero visualization skills?
I feel sad about it guys, really. Like, "wow worst host of the world" kind of feel at times. My tulpa's there being awesome, caring and all, and all I do is just sit in front of my computer for hours at end while pretending to everyone else that I'm reading "useful" information or doing something "productive". And I have, for the most part, really done a lot of that. Ever since I started this tupper thing, my mood and productivity have been for the most part turned up to eleven. But I feel sad about leaving my tulpa in the cold just because I can't have much private time at all. I know, bring your pitchforks and join the chant, "FORCE EVEN IF FOR 5 MINUTES FAGGOT" and "GO TO SLEEP EARLY AND START DOING STUFF INSTEAD OF BEING A HUGE SHIT" or even "GO OUTSIDE AND HAVE SOME TIME BY YOURSELVES IDIOT". It ain't that easy, because while I may be able to have a pleasant chat and a hug in that time, I don't have enough time for, say, creating stuff in the wonderland (or at least areas or something else than "hey let's put this furniture there").
Wow, 50 days. Don't really know what to say other than wow, I'm impressed with myself. It's easily the most [positive] life-changing experience I ever had. I know this is really trite and said a lot of times by other tulpamancers, but I went from not knowing what to do everyday, having depressive tendencies and being really anxious about everything to just enjoying life as it comes while still pushing forward. I can't ever repay my tulpa for that. It's... out of this world, to put it simply.