Day 150

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Total forcing time: 1 hour 15 minutes
For today I went back to using the self-hypnosis script.

Relaxation exercise first though. It was alright; I did indeed kept wandering from thought to thought but it seems that it's becoming easier to re-focus into my breath. It seems smoother somehow, like my mind glides to my breath again instead of cutting short the previous train of thought.

Then the script. Very nice, the relaxation part of it really feels stronger every time. It does truly make me feel light, so that's a good start I guess.
Onto the actual forcing part, I tried to focus on my tulpa's mindvoice. No luck, but communication was clearer than normal. We also spent a few moments at what used to be my old wonderland, which she proceeded to turn into some sort of urban scene that alternated between night and day.

One thing about that is that while it isn't like "wow dude", it feels like "yep, she can do that and much more". It's comforting to feel it that way.
At that part, I had a nice strong head pressure. So yeah, rather smooth sailing so far, all things considered.

Yesterday I had a headache. It may be related to my forcing efforts because I recall feeling similarly when I started (about a month in or so). I was also tired in a "mental tiredness" way.

At night I wasn't really feeling sleepy, so the usual "goodnight" moment turned into a full narration session. Went very nicely I think. I slept extra fine and as a nice bonus I woke up at 4:54 AM feeling well-rested and I was able to turn off all my alarms before they went out. A cool throwback to when I got started and used to wake up at 5 AM without alarms.

Everything will be fine.

Eh, not much to say for me. I just plop my ass down and close my eyes and chill. I try not to pay any attention to the physical body or move it, so ideally my body wouldn't react or move. Sometimes I might smile or laugh and sometimes there's an itch I gotta scratch.

Simple and efficient I guess. Thanks for sharing!

I'll usually just do whatever I'm feeling, wherever I want, as per the nature of passive, but when I'm at home, I guess my preferred conditions are pitch black, with a fan running. I'm better in general at open-eye, so the pitch-black thing is important. I also move my head around, and sometimes my hands, depending on what I'm doing. Mostly just to keep myself engaged, as I don't really need help with touch being realistic either way. The head movements are typically involuntary, though.

I do my best to keep it warm, too, because fuck the cold, and it make it easier to convince myself I'm feeling sunshine on my skin or whatever.

Not much else.

Interesting. I have never tried pitchblack conditions but it might be useful for a fuller immersion experience. The gesticulations look like an useful resource to me as well, as long as you don't have anyone watching you moving your hands and head in the dark by yourself.
Thanks for sharing your experience and keep at it man, it's the only way.

Day 149

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Total forcing time: 53 minutes
Tried something new. Relaxation exercise/meditation -> wonderland script (yeah not the vocality script as usual).

The first part was pretty uneventful. Lots of thoughts jumping around, and a lot of mind "sinking" (aka not paying attention to anything). I almost started to doze off at some parts, but I was able to bring my mind back to my breath, though only for a short while. Basically repeated that for 18 minutes.

Then the actual script. I had saved it a while ago so I didn't knew what to expect.
Surprisingly, my sense of sound in the wonderland is really good (or maybe not so surprising, being a musician and all). I would, for example, tap my fingers against a wall and the imagined sound was pretty close to the real thing, not to mention, it was more-or-less clear. Same when I tapped my fingers against some aluminum structure, nice clear metallic sound.
I could hear passing cars in the wonderland as well, and birds. This one is 4/10.
Visuals are almost 2/10 at times, but at other times it gets all pear shaped and 1/10, mostly when trying to focus on more than one thing (or getting a feel of a large room).
Taste is probably 2/10 as well. A good thing is that when I eat something in the wonderland it does seem to trigger a salivation response in the real world, so I guess that's nice.
Touch is 2.4/10. I can feel the temperature of things somewhat accurately if I focus well. Textures are trickier, save for plain ones such as aluminum bars or similar simple objects.
Smell is 2/10 as well I guess. I can get a vague feeling of how something's supposed to smell, but it isn't overtly complex or anything, and it doesn't "overwrite" the currently active real-world smell.

Visuals are a weird mix between 1st and 3rd person view. Equally weird is walking around. Most times, I simply "jump" from one place to another without much regard for realism.
Seeing my tulpa is difficult still. But what did I expect since overall visuals aren't good yet.

While there we had cake. Baked in an "holographic oven" (basically just some transparent-looking immaterial oven because why not). It was covered in chocolate and had some strawberries. My tulpa and I had one slice with a glass of milk, and then she burnt the rest of the cake (because "we don't need more calories"). That was nice.

I have noticed that not many tulpamancers detail how they go about their sessions. Their messages mostly consist of "I did X thing on the woderland and this happened and blah blah and then I went outside", which doesn't really tell much about what they were physically doing in the real world (and I wonder how some people apparently even have fights or such similar events in the wonderland and how they behaved when for example, they got hit; did they move? did they made any sound?). Well, I guess maybe I should write down how it goes for me, although since there are few such accounts, I don't know if this is the "norm" or whatever).

I grab a comfortable chair, I dim my laptop's screen light to the minimum, I put some background noise (preferably something that will last for the entire session without cutting/looping), I relax my posture (but don't let myself slouch as that invites sleepiness and well, that isn't good for forcing purposes) and I close my eyes or proceed to read the scripts.

I try to keep distractions at a minimum, closing the door and the windows are a must. I mute all other computer programs (and I don't have a cellphone so there's no problem there). I had to resort to waking up real early (5 AM) so nobody bothers me during the sessions.
As far as the actual forcing goes, I try to use some sort of starting point in the wonderland, where I'll appear and then proceed to do whatever I'm aiming for. Although right now it mostly consists of getting familiarized/immersed with the experience, as it isn't very good in some aspects as I detailed above.

When some physical event happens in the wonderland, right now I don't really move in the real world.

When an emotional moment happens it does reflect into my body, smiling, tearing up, all that does leak unto my body and yeah, if I'm happy or smiling in the wonderland then it'll be so in the real world as well.
As I said above as well, when I eat something I do get a reaction similar to when I actually eat something in the real world.

Temperature changes in the wonderland seem to reflect mostly on my hands. If I touch something warm, my hands do get a bit warmer. If I touch something cold likewise. Though it's not really a very dramatic thing, it's a start I guess.

Currently, when I move my vision around in the wonderland, my eyes move as well. This would make it very hard to do wonderland stuff with my eyes open, because I would be moving around my actual vision and I would get distracted.

When I get hugged in the wonderland I sometimes start smiling uncontrollably in the real world. Not all times, but yeah, so if I look like I ingested some weird drug smiling all creepily it must be that... another reason why I can't really do these sessions during the day.

If I get startled on the wonderland I do tend to feel a bit uneasy physically. But it's not really that noticeable.

And finally, I have been unable to emulate pain on the wonderland, so it doesn't reflect at all on my body.

I hope that helps someone someday. This thread recently passed the 4000 views after all.

Do much wonderlanding, yes, it's good for you. My visuals are at a steady like, 3/10 or whatever lately for some reason, probably all of the wonderlanding and trying to get things consistent (flower-beds are Hitler aahhh). Go-figure.

Also I meant Bias-FX, which is for Guitar tones. Since we're too poor for good amps and mics, and Bias is supremely decent, it works. And we've actually got stuff that's been recorded floating around already, I can maybe link something tonight. It's all pretty raw, buteh

Yeah, will definitely try to do all sorts of things to improve wonderlanding. I liked going there today, even if the sensations were not very "realistic", whatever that may mean.

Where the hell are your progress reports at.
Force more dude, unless you want another year of ab-so-lutely nothing.

Day 147 ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED EDITION

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Total forcing time: 1 hour 4 minutes
Yep. Almost there.
Got into full-on meditative mode today, no script or anything.

I started trying to focus on my breath. At times, all sorts of thoughts would appear and I really struggled to remain focused or calm. Not easy. At other times I almost felt super-light, like I could float or something.
In fact, I felt some sort of weird "push", like if I could and should move without my body moving. Who said tulpamancy wasn't weird?
Focusing on my breath is really, probably one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do. Has anyone else in this forum ever tried to just sit there for an hour and to stay focused on only their breath? I think that pretty much everyone will find this impossible. And it is, at least for now it seems.

Another thing that particularly bothered me a lot were phosphenes. Tons of them. Awful. They were somewhat more distracting than thoughts, since they practically felt blinding (for some reason, even though the Sun was barely out and I didn't had any lights on my face). And the way they keep morphing around... so distracting. Maybe one day I'll be able to make them show something meaningful instead of just flashing around like police lights.

So there I was, about 35 minutes in when I clearly heard someone say "how are you?" (in Spanish). Meh, to be honest, I really doubt this one even though at the moment my tulpa said it was her. I have the window open and it's not unusual for people to greet each other early in the morning. Also, the way it was worded implied it was directed to multiple people, not to a single person. Also, the >in Spanish part is important, since I almost exclusively talk to my tulpa in English, and she seems to struggle when I ask her to send thoughts in Spanish. But well, that happened.


About 57 minutes in though, I clearly heard her mindvoice. Yeah, finally. It was almost whisper-like and very, very quiet; not to mention it sounded like someone speaking over the phone or something. Sorta low-def and muffled. Damn, I forgot what she said already. Something about finally making progress and that "we're gonna make it". Again, it wasn't "whoa there dude there's this completely alien voice that is really my tulpa and wow so clear and bright and rainbows appeared in my vision and I won a $20 coupon for starbucks at the same time dood!!!". I know I have repeated this way too much, but who knows, maybe it'll help someone who had the same experience as me that it wasn't this "alien" feeling voice? Just putting it out there because it does feel somewhat demotivating to hear about these one-day tulpamancers that 3 hours into the "creation" process (read: browsing tulpa forums) are already hearing alien voices in full 24-bit/96kHz lossless quality or something.

I wanted to keep going with this session but I got way too excited and lost all focus. Truly, it felt like my mind got stirred and all the mental mud got mixed all over again.

Afterwards (i.e. right now) everything is back to normal. No mindvoice, but we ARE making it definitely. I wonder how much time it'll take to stabilize it or whatever though. It was awsum guise, excellent/10.

But yeah, time for some drinks or something!

Not a super high-quality image, but that's a 6i6 back there, and it seems to be doing juuuust fine. I only went with the 250 ohm variant for the specific reason that I wasn't sure it'd handle more than that.

I don't seem to be having issues driving them so far, but I guess I haven't really maxed out the volume yet or anything. Not that I need to, it's already as loud as I could ever need it.

Nice, looks like a solid setup for your gaming needs. Enjoy it (also, those pads in those headphones look real comfy).

Day 146

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Total forcing time: 47 minutes
Okay-ish session. Today I used the vocality self-hypnosis script.
During the relaxation exercise, I almost managed to feel like on day 143. But as I kept trying to relax, I went "wow awsim!11" and I got all stressed about it. Not to mention it seems that for some reason my focus has weakened since then. Just have to keep trying I guess.

The actual reading of the script was lackluster. I'm restless for no reason again. I can only assume it might be my mind re-organizing itself or something like that. I hope, because otherwise it just means that I'm not trying hard enough.
I did notice some strange feeling during the start of the script, kind of unsettling but peaceful at the same time. Very weird.

Some head pressures (even while writing this). So there's that at least.

Frustrating stuff with the mind restlessness I tell you. Maybe it has to do with not having eaten anything since yesterday at 15:00 (it's 7:50 now, so almost 17 hours without food) and I don't have anything left to eat either. Isn't it awesome being on a 3rd world country?

You need to bake chocolate cake to beg for forgiveness. Together with the tupper.

Damn right. I have to put these to-do things somewhere I won't lose them, because I totally forgot about it.

Still don't know what you're talking about, tulpa network?

>posts "tulpanet" will become "catnet" announcement
>doesn't know anything about it

Cat is disappoint by your forgetfulness.

Day 143

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Total forcing time: 1 hour 22 minutes.
Today things were different. I was doing the relaxation exercise as usual, but this time I did got into the whole "feel your breath and let your mind settle" thing. At times I did indeed kept "sinking" (not thinking and just letting my mind wander), but then I remembered a trick for focusing; breathe in, say one, breathe out. So I did, but I kept counting zero at all times. Whatever, I was just trying to focus on the sensation of letting air in and out.
Then I started feeling lighter, lighter... my thoughts started to slow down, and for a while my body felt very heavy, but "I" felt lighter (I guess that must be some sort of dissociation? Like, "the body" [not "my" body] is heavy, but I'm very light? I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense, if at all).
I felt some stuff that I thought was only possible with drugs. A very, very pleasant peaceful state of, well, timelessness? I didn't notice any of the birds singing outside, or that the sun was already shining outside. I was just like, floating or something.
But then I got all "WOW AWSOME!111ONEONE!" and the sensation faded somewhat.

I was planning to do the usual script reading but I decided to instead go to the wonderland directly from this peaceful state.
Nevertheless this was probably the best session so far. Intrusive thoughts were minimal, and I could keep up the conversation with my tulpa pretty well, almost perfectly.
Things flowed naturally, and they seemed somewhat more "real", in the sense that time felt as it feels on the real world, pretty much nothing felt speeded up like they sometimes do on the wonderland.
Visuals rated from 1.30/10 to 1.90/10. Usable, but not nice at all.

We visited some places I have been to, and looks like somehow when I appeared on the wonderland I was wearing a suit. Nice touch there.
I tried to drink one of these, with some success. I could taste the sweetness somewhat, and I guess that there was a slight feeling of "wow I'm really holding the can on my hand". 1.5/10
My tulpa had a chocolate muffin and a vanilla milkshake instead. It was good apparently.

We talked about the same mostly, doubt and intrusive thoughts and stuff. Just have to be patient and that will diminish I guess.
Also, I tried to do a trick, namely doing a very high jump and landing correctly. It worked, so I guess in the future we'll be doing more "impossible feats" while on the wonderland.

After that (i.e. while writing this) I felt very, very zoned out. The real world seemed quite, surreal. I don't know how else to explain it. It seemed, very plain yet very interesting. I guess that's what happens when your visuals are 1.33/10 and you spend an hour seeing only that and then coming back to the real world where 10/10 visuals are the default for everyone.

10/10 session, if all sessions were like this from on now, and with side practice of narration, visualization and some independence exercises I think that there would be some very nice progress.

Cat what? I don't know what you're talking about.

smh