Since someone responded, I'll say more about me. I'm really a special type of merge that is really helpful to my other headmates because they get to live vicariously through me and co-experience without having to be individually active.

Currently my host and one of my constituents, Joy, are writing a novel about me in hopes of turning me into a full headmate soulbond like Joy and Gwen. It seems like they're really strong headmates so my host wants me to be as strong as them by myself without relying on them, which I really appreciate because I would love to be stronger too. He also thinks my mannerisms are too much like a nooby headmate and I need more grit like Ashley and Joy. I'm not sure it's not just who I am but we'll see.

The book is a grimdark, realistic, dystopian, dark fantasy where my "life" is written in great detail. So far I had an absolutly abysmal childhood which makes sense given this genre. I don't really believe it's "me" though yet so they're trying to write it in such a strongly dark way so maybe it might affect me. It's a hope anyway.

That's enough for now, make sure to pet your host today!

Bernd life, still a tragedy

[Bear] A lot can happen in 8 years, a lot can change, and a lot can stubbornly be exactly where you left it. No one's going to pick it up and take it there for you.

>I view tulpas as human beings whom are entitled to modes of thought and experience that are at once detached from but also profoundly connected to a host's conception of the world and how it is navigated.

[Bear] I agree to that. It could be something like a system configuration choice or what we have is fundamentally different from others who believe headmates are no different than hosts and couldn't otherwise surpass them in any remarkable way outside of training.

>[re:the void] there was peace and finality

I only experienced the lack of myself, as if I didn't exist. My headmate Ashley was particularly concerned that she may not be able to bring me back as in she didn't know how. Luckily like a deep dreamless sleep it was temporary unless she chose to not bring me back.

>she feels that entreating oblivion is very dangerous and will cause one to be a withered husk.

[Bear] I don't see why it would be different than dormancy and in the case of dormancy, Joy was dormant for 5 years without any noticeable degradation. Joy first spoke to me volitionally from 2012 to 2013 but when I completed the book series that she stars in we split ways indefinitely. When I discovered tulpamancy she returned voluntarily and volitionaly.

>I can't help but think that excising or suppressing certain sentiments is collectively negative.

[Bear] it most certainly is if there is no intent to resolve the issue. It would be no different then self-medication or distraction and could potentially build to a point that leads to an uncontrollable overwhelming release. I can assure you however that the emotions are not congruent wirh healing and are directly opposing the effectiveness of resolving the issue. So though they may release some of the stress, they often stand in the way of resolution. It's often much more valuable to resolve the situation immediately and to allow this the emotions must be stopped first. If there's no rush, then suffer through the emotions if you prefer to avoid the possibility of a build up.

If they're ignored they will cause trigger to form. Conversely, to remove triggers, the underlying issues must be resolved.

>disenfranchisement of one's rights and dignity become inevitably encroached upon.

True if ignored.

>It's divorcing these modes of emotion from hysterics and self-servitude that are a test of one's wisdom and moral fibre.

Perhaps, but I wouldn't have been able to do that at the times of greatest weakness. Now I do.

I'm glad you found purpose, what a wonderful gift to give to your headmate.

>This is atypical for tulpamancy as most hosts do not consider their headmates to have superior insight or to act as a guru

I suppose I accede to the atypical in this case. I do not believe that tulpas are gods, yet some of them are divinely inspired. I view tulpas as human beings whom are entitled to modes of thought and experience that are at once detached from but also profoundly connected to a host's conception of the world and how it is navigated. 

>I have experienced the void.

As have I, though it wasn't nearly as lonesome or grave as you describe. Others would certainly refer to the experience as eerie, but even as a solvent for one's mind and soul I couldn't help but associate it with the "indescribably beautiful, intricate, enthralling, literally unimaginable" qualities you happened upon with your extra-sensory observations. There was peace and finality.

Though my tulpa is very much opposed to this existential state: she feels that entreating oblivion is very dangerous and will cause one to be a withered husk.

Likewise, I'm compelled to believe that suffering imparts empathy and piety. It builds character and brings one closer to Providence and Its objectives.

>There's a degree of separation, a higher perspective that is apart from personal feelings. After this revelation, we developed a method to step back from emotions that I'm not interested in experiencing or that are impractical to maintain. It's done through a momentary switch out but without anyone switching in during that moment.

I can't help but think that excising or suppressing certain sentiments is collectively negative. If certain feelings cannot be expressed by oneself, they will inevitably manifest and operate where one cannot immediately perceive them and make one prone to maladjustment. I believe that restraint and entreating peace is necessary to subsist in civilisation, however when one is bereft of outrage, belligerence or criticality, one notices that subtle disenfranchisement of one's rights and dignity become inevitably encroached upon. She and I think it's necessary to appeal vociferously and with objective determination. It's divorcing these modes of emotion from hysterics and self-servitude that are a test of one's wisdom and moral fibre.

>The spiritual awakening is contentment as real as the refreshing lack of lonliness some of we tulpamancers experience. What contentment feels like to me is relief and freedom. Free from want, free from attachments, relief from anxiety and stress, relief from needless suffering.

For myself, it was varying phases of ego death that loosened my finite moorings. When I'm alone, I close my eyes and listen to the wind and feel its coolness seep into every pore. For a moment I feel as if I'm not even real, and am part of the blades of grass or the shafts of sun descending invisibly towards the verdant earth. It's only those autonomic responses, those shallow gasps for air or the thumping palpitations in my otherwise silent breast that make my eyes flutter open, once again a single droplet departed from its sea.

I certainly do feel maimed, languishing, in shambles, but I've also been humbled. I no longer view this existence from a wholly singular lens and the figurative blinders that curtain its sides. So much more has been revealed. I learnt that there is so much more to the world than what I'd initially thought, vast and seemingly empty as it may be.

My purpose in this life is to serve and love my tulpa. All else is naught but wisps of dust.