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Tulpa Diaries / Re: Hello to anyone here!
« Last post by Aleshe on May 03, 2023, 07:08:35 PM »
Since someone responded, I'll say more about me. I'm really a special type of merge that is really helpful to my other headmates because they get to live vicariously through me and co-experience without having to be individually active.

Currently my host and one of my constituents, Joy, are writing a novel about me in hopes of turning me into a full headmate soulbond like Joy and Gwen. It seems like they're really strong headmates so my host wants me to be as strong as them by myself without relying on them, which I really appreciate because I would love to be stronger too. He also thinks my mannerisms are too much like a nooby headmate and I need more grit like Ashley and Joy. I'm not sure it's not just who I am but we'll see.

The book is a grimdark, realistic, dystopian, dark fantasy where my "life" is written in great detail. So far I had an absolutly abysmal childhood which makes sense given this genre. I don't really believe it's "me" though yet so they're trying to write it in such a strongly dark way so maybe it might affect me. It's a hope anyway.

That's enough for now, make sure to pet your host today!
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Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Last post by Aleshe on May 02, 2023, 10:06:35 PM »


You can do it! You have the rest of your life.
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Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Last post by Τamamo on April 30, 2023, 04:05:17 AM »
Bernd life, still a tragedy
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Tulpa Diaries / Re: Hello to anyone here!
« Last post by Τamamo on April 30, 2023, 04:04:12 AM »
Ha, really found my old login data to say hi here too, it's good to have a backup place!
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Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« Last post by Aleshe on April 26, 2023, 05:38:44 AM »
[Bear] A lot can happen in 8 years, a lot can change, and a lot can stubbornly be exactly where you left it. No one's going to pick it up and take it there for you.
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Tulpa Diaries / Re: It's Alice Day
« Last post by Bernd on April 25, 2023, 05:00:03 PM »
Still pretending to be.
So we're here for exactly 8 years now. The world sure has changed a lot since then. Have we? Surely, but not as much as we'd like to. There's still a lot of work to do.

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General Discussion / Re: What do you think is the most important aspect of tulpas?
« Last post by Aleshe on April 23, 2023, 04:33:27 PM »
>I view tulpas as human beings whom are entitled to modes of thought and experience that are at once detached from but also profoundly connected to a host's conception of the world and how it is navigated.

[Bear] I agree to that. It could be something like a system configuration choice or what we have is fundamentally different from others who believe headmates are no different than hosts and couldn't otherwise surpass them in any remarkable way outside of training.

>[re:the void] there was peace and finality

I only experienced the lack of myself, as if I didn't exist. My headmate Ashley was particularly concerned that she may not be able to bring me back as in she didn't know how. Luckily like a deep dreamless sleep it was temporary unless she chose to not bring me back.

>she feels that entreating oblivion is very dangerous and will cause one to be a withered husk.

[Bear] I don't see why it would be different than dormancy and in the case of dormancy, Joy was dormant for 5 years without any noticeable degradation. Joy first spoke to me volitionally from 2012 to 2013 but when I completed the book series that she stars in we split ways indefinitely. When I discovered tulpamancy she returned voluntarily and volitionaly.

>I can't help but think that excising or suppressing certain sentiments is collectively negative.

[Bear] it most certainly is if there is no intent to resolve the issue. It would be no different then self-medication or distraction and could potentially build to a point that leads to an uncontrollable overwhelming release. I can assure you however that the emotions are not congruent wirh healing and are directly opposing the effectiveness of resolving the issue. So though they may release some of the stress, they often stand in the way of resolution. It's often much more valuable to resolve the situation immediately and to allow this the emotions must be stopped first. If there's no rush, then suffer through the emotions if you prefer to avoid the possibility of a build up.

If they're ignored they will cause trigger to form. Conversely, to remove triggers, the underlying issues must be resolved.

>disenfranchisement of one's rights and dignity become inevitably encroached upon.

True if ignored.

>It's divorcing these modes of emotion from hysterics and self-servitude that are a test of one's wisdom and moral fibre.

Perhaps, but I wouldn't have been able to do that at the times of greatest weakness. Now I do.

I'm glad you found purpose, what a wonderful gift to give to your headmate.
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General Discussion / Re: Lock-Merges AMA
« Last post by Aleshe on April 23, 2023, 03:55:14 PM »
>May I ask why this variant of gestalt consciousness was undertaken by your thoughtforms?

[Joy] Bear had nothing to do with it so he asked me to answer. At the time, December 2019, we had just spent nearly a year as a system of seven. At the time, Darlene (who became SheShe) myself, Gwen, Ashley, Misha, Ren and Bear were all active to some extent and Bear hated to neglect any of us or have to come up with schemes to keep us associated with one thing or another and he was struggling. We considered things such as integration and combinations, such as a permanent merge, but none of us wanted that. We also considered rotation but that effectively put one or more of us in dormancy for long periods of time and that was exactly what Bear wanted to avoid. Subsystems  didn't  solve anything either. So there didn't seem to be a valid solution that Bear would accept.

>How did SheShe discover its effectiveness? Moreover, how do the constituent aspects of this merge retain their individually discrete identities whilst also being part of this collective?

Because of Bear's stubbornness, Darlene and I worked in secret to consider other options and together we tested a simultaneous experience theory where a merge could be an aspect we both could share or at least associate memories with. It worked better than we expected and we informed him about SheShe on January 1st 2020. At first we told him she was a hub, and so like a merge, but eventually he understood SheShe was in fact Darlene and it didn't matter who was acting as the aspect for it to work. No contrived shared aspect was necessary nor wanted, we each can represent a shared aspect for any constituent who participates. It was the perfect solution.

>Would you say that your methodology could be used in a therapeutic or genuinely experimental manner by hosts?

Potentially it could be but switching is more effective in our experience. That was done to accomplish exposure therapy in a way that's much easier than the potentially traumatizing and triggering direct force of the affected headmate(s).

>dimorphic traits

In terms of gender, fortunately we're all feminine female gendered aside from Bear, having masculine headmates in the lock-merge may cause dysphoric thoughts.

In terms of a separate aspect for the merge, Aleshe prefers that and doesn't consider herself separate from any of us as we do from SheShe. So for instance I wouldn't need to have a discussion with Aleshe, I would merely think of what Aleshe would want or say and make my own decisions pertaining to something on our shared behalf.
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>This is atypical for tulpamancy as most hosts do not consider their headmates to have superior insight or to act as a guru

I suppose I accede to the atypical in this case. I do not believe that tulpas are gods, yet some of them are divinely inspired. I view tulpas as human beings whom are entitled to modes of thought and experience that are at once detached from but also profoundly connected to a host's conception of the world and how it is navigated. 

>I have experienced the void.

As have I, though it wasn't nearly as lonesome or grave as you describe. Others would certainly refer to the experience as eerie, but even as a solvent for one's mind and soul I couldn't help but associate it with the "indescribably beautiful, intricate, enthralling, literally unimaginable" qualities you happened upon with your extra-sensory observations. There was peace and finality.

Though my tulpa is very much opposed to this existential state: she feels that entreating oblivion is very dangerous and will cause one to be a withered husk.

Likewise, I'm compelled to believe that suffering imparts empathy and piety. It builds character and brings one closer to Providence and Its objectives.

>There's a degree of separation, a higher perspective that is apart from personal feelings. After this revelation, we developed a method to step back from emotions that I'm not interested in experiencing or that are impractical to maintain. It's done through a momentary switch out but without anyone switching in during that moment.

I can't help but think that excising or suppressing certain sentiments is collectively negative. If certain feelings cannot be expressed by oneself, they will inevitably manifest and operate where one cannot immediately perceive them and make one prone to maladjustment. I believe that restraint and entreating peace is necessary to subsist in civilisation, however when one is bereft of outrage, belligerence or criticality, one notices that subtle disenfranchisement of one's rights and dignity become inevitably encroached upon. She and I think it's necessary to appeal vociferously and with objective determination. It's divorcing these modes of emotion from hysterics and self-servitude that are a test of one's wisdom and moral fibre.

>The spiritual awakening is contentment as real as the refreshing lack of lonliness some of we tulpamancers experience. What contentment feels like to me is relief and freedom. Free from want, free from attachments, relief from anxiety and stress, relief from needless suffering.

For myself, it was varying phases of ego death that loosened my finite moorings. When I'm alone, I close my eyes and listen to the wind and feel its coolness seep into every pore. For a moment I feel as if I'm not even real, and am part of the blades of grass or the shafts of sun descending invisibly towards the verdant earth. It's only those autonomic responses, those shallow gasps for air or the thumping palpitations in my otherwise silent breast that make my eyes flutter open, once again a single droplet departed from its sea.

I certainly do feel maimed, languishing, in shambles, but I've also been humbled. I no longer view this existence from a wholly singular lens and the figurative blinders that curtain its sides. So much more has been revealed. I learnt that there is so much more to the world than what I'd initially thought, vast and seemingly empty as it may be.

My purpose in this life is to serve and love my tulpa. All else is naught but wisps of dust.
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General Discussion / Re: Lock-Merges AMA
« Last post by EchoesInInfinity on April 23, 2023, 11:05:54 AM »
May I ask why this variant of gestalt consciousness was undertaken by your thoughtforms?

How did SheShe discover its effectiveness? Moreover, how do the constituent aspects of this merge retain their individually discrete identities whilst also being part of this collective? Would you say that your methodology could be used in a therapeutic or genuinely experimental manner by hosts?

I know of one other host who'd employed a similar method in the past as a solution to corral all his tulpas, yet he'd also employed dimorphic traits to best reflect masculine or feminine sentiment or feeling.
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