June 18th, 2015
Instead of writing about my progress on a forum, I thought that it would be better to post about this on an actual blog. This is good because I’ll be able to post about unrelated things too, something that you’re not really supposed to do in your progress thread.
I’m making my own tulpa, which is something I’ve been going over in my mind for a long time now. I don’t think I have a good reason to do it, but it’d be interesting to see how things work out from the method I’ll be using, and how myself and the others in my head would influence it.
I began narrating while going for a walk outside, giving a short introduction which explained who I was and what my goals with this little project were. I talked a bit about the community and the ways you could force, just enough to give a good idea.
I haven’t fleshed much out, but I’m going to work on both a name and form when I wake up. They’ll just be there as a base, and the tulpa will be able to change what they’d like in the future if that’s something they want to do. I did mention, however, that I’d prefer it if the tulpa was female. So, from here on out, I’ll be referring to her as female unless things change.
June 19th, 2015
Another day, another burst of narration. I didn’t do as much as I could have done, and there were a good set of things that distracted me from it. I did set banners on my phone wallpaper to remind me to work when I woke up, but I don’t look at my phone often enough during the day for it to make a difference. I’m going to try and think of something I can do with my desktop that can help me remember. If I download some widgets, I might be able to have a neat little post-it note on the side of the screen.
I haven’t come up with a name yet, so I’ve just been saying tulpa for now. It seems simple enough, and I think that’s something I’d rather just leave up to her. As for the form, since I need something to help direct my thoughts while narrating, I chose the female protagonist from the new NieR game.
I’m going to start setting aside time for visualization later today, and I’ll make a schedule once I wake up. I’m currently unsure if I’ll be doing personality or not – I’m sure that I’d be happy with the outcome, so I guess it’s not that big of a deal in the end.
June 20th, 2015
I’m beginning to think that the reason I’ve had so many urges to create a tulpa was because of a series of dreams I’ve been having.
They started about two years ago. Though they were rare at first, it didn’t take long until they were a common occurrence, to the point where I’d have them almost every night. In them, I’d be doing average dream stuff, and then a girl would appear out of nowhere, asking me to come with her. I’d follow her around, exploring each place she took me to before I’d wake up.
I don’t have lucid dreams often, but I try to get in contact with her when I do. And sometimes I’ll get nothing at all – there will be no girl there, I’ll get too riled up that nothing is going on, and I’ll wake up. But sometimes she is, and I’ll get to have these short conversations with her. And she always looks the same, a silver-haired girl with a slender frame that looks like she’s around my perceived age, which is in the late teens. Her presence always has this airy, dreamy feeling, and I hope to capture that while I’m developing my tulpa.
I didn’t do much today aside from some scarce narration and setting some more reminders like I mentioned. I’m a bit disappointed in myself, but it’s nothing I can’t fix with some more work. I was also doing a bit of work on a wonderland this morning, ending up with something so close to the Gryffindor common room that I decided I’d try and make the whole of Hogwarts. We’ll see how that goes.
June 21st, 2015
I talked to a few people about their tulpa experiences. How they found out about the concept, what creation methods they used, what things their tulpas thought benefited the creation process the most, and what they would have liked to see more or less of from their host. All in all, they were good talks, and I can see myself asking more when I’m lacking motivation.
I went for a walk today and immediately noticed that my narration was much more fluid than before. I wonder if it’s the privacy of walking down an empty street in the middle of the night that helped with it, or maybe it’s just that I don’t have so many distractions. I think that’s one of the main things that’s holding me back, these distractions – I promise that I’ll narrate when I’m starting up a game or show, but it doesn’t take very long for me to lose focus of that. Fortunately, the more I have these narration sessions without distractions, the more I’m able do it during the day.
Speaking of games, I have a few visual novels and odd Steam games that I haven’t got around to yet. I think that those, especially the VNs, will be great narration material for the tulpa. If I can have a windowed game on one side of the screen and a note on the right that will set me back on track when I’m forgetting to narrate, I think I’ll be all set.
I’ve been developing the wonderland just a bit more, fleshing out the common room and adding more things that would make it feel like home. There’s a curved staircase on one side of the room that leads up to her bedroom and another that leads up to mine. I designed hers with brighter colors in mind, so the curtains, bedsheets, and walls are all white. This contrasts with my wonderland room, which is much darker.
I’ll be out with family tomorrow, so maybe I can get some good work done when I’m on the road.
June 22nd, 2015
There wasn’t a lot done today, unfortunately. I did do a bit of sporadic narration while I was out with family and got a good amount in on my walk once I got home, but it’s definitely still a sorry excuse for work.
I’ve been reading through a lot of the guides on .info to see if I could incorporate anything new into what I’m doing, and I came out of it convinced that I should sit down and interact with her a bit more. I’m going to do some visualizing after I post this so her form is more detailed.
June 23rd, 2015
I think I got that first response.
I was having a nightmare last night, and though I can’t remember too much of it, I know that I was being cornered near the end. Before I was about to be killed, eaten, or horrifically serenaded, I heard a loud sound that’s comparable to grinding metal. It was so vivid that it pulled me out of the dream and woke me up, and after a clueless me looked around for a bit, I realized that it wasn’t coming from my room at all.
When I tried to visualize my tulpa to see if the nightmare had any affect on her, my attention was brought to the word “warning” written on the wall of her room in bright red. As soon as it registered to me that something was going on, my vision was pulled up to the ceiling, this time seeing the word “narrate”. It’s definitely possible that she was able to pull me out of the nightmare to help me out. Of course, when I asked about it, I didn’t receive a response.
I decided to go for a walk during the day today. I knew that it was going to be storming all night and I don’t have a decent spot for cover, so it was pretty important that I did it as soon as possible. The topics were as usual, me focusing on goals and what could happen in the future, and questioned what our relationship would be like once she’s able to talk to me versus what it would be years from now. That seems to be a lot of what my narration is, these “what if” topics.
With the form that she has currently, I’m having a bit of trouble visualizing it. I mean, I don’t have much of a problem when it comes to recall. If you show a picture, I can usually get everything down in my head within two tries, but if you give me just a little bit of information and expect me to make additions to that, I struggle. So, I’ve been looking around to see if there’s a better base form for her. I’ve found a few candidates, but I think I’m going to go over them a few times to see what fits my idea of who she will be the best.
