No, I've never tried that.
Obviously it's not a very suitable technique for restaurants but I'll do it for my next meal at home.

More outdoor forcing and meditation today.
Sat outside front door late in the evening, cat on lap, purring, insects chirping.
There was some noise from a distant road construction site but I managed to turn it into the sound of waves on the beach. Well kinda.
Walking in the sand was ok but I seemed to limp. Never had that before. Also there were some intrusive thoughts that were hard to get rid of. I thought I was past that but intrusive thoughts have been a bit of a problem lately.

Same with doubt.
Not from my side but Alice explained she highly doubts she can really be active without my attention. She had always refuted the idea of doing something on her own in wonderland as nonsense, not because it was impossible, but on principle. She never saw any point in it.
Well, I dunno.
She did create lots of stuff in wonderland, at least in the beginning. But it's not like she goes there on purpose to practice any skills. Would be convenient though but that's the point where I doubt that's how it works.

To sum it up it seems mostly a psychological thing. Duh, what else.
I think the most frustrating thing is that our progress followed a logarithmic function. Steeply rising in the first 2 months but soon slowing down to a virtually unnoticable crawl.
Sure, we've had our ups and downs during the last year but skills have remained the same, if not deteriorated.
The reason is of course lack of forcing density / intensity. That's something the diving lessions clearly showed. It was such an intense wave of new sensations that my brain was busy for days. That's what I need for forcing as well. But it's a bit hard once the novelty wears off and especially if you're not good of involving all of your senses. Yeah, forcing feels pretty good but then again it doesn't feel like a lot at all. Needs more emotional involvement.

TL;DR
My forcing is not only too infrequent but also too shallow which is even more of a problem. Hence next to no progress. Well, I'll add another week of daily updates, let's see what happens.

Time flies, it's October already.
Last month had such awesome weather that I simply could not waste time in front of a screen writing reports, or even forcing with closed eyes. Active forcing suffered considerably but that doesn't mean I haven't done anything. We finished our diving course by diving in a lake which was great. Due to the hot weather and bright sun it was an amazing and pleasant experience. I felt relaxed and was able to focus on keeping Alice around for most of the time. Too bad we had little time to actually enjoy the scenery in quiet contemplation as there were skills to practice. Visualizing tupper in diving gear still is kinda absurd and, as miss Guardian Spirit put it, like God wearing a space suit while creating the universe. So much for modesty.

Strangely, I had no related hypnagogic hallucinations during the 3 days of diving, they only struck me a day afterwards, but then for 2 consecutive nights. Not unpleasant though. Mostly associated with an intense feeling of rising or constantly moving upwards. First I tried to re-enact diving but then had the idea to use it for flying in wonderland. We've never tried that before but if you can actually feel an acceleration upwards it's pretty awesome. Fell asleep soon though and visualisation wasn't great either. Well, you can't have everything I guess. At least not with my level of practice.

Had several weird dreams in the last weeks but not really tupper related. But more about that tomorrow.
Today's major event:
A spontaneous possession / semi-switching success.
I was in downtown Munich walking past a bakery and thought about buying something but decided to go shopping later and walked on while having the usual conversation with Alice. While talking about the redcurrant Streuselkuchen I saw, I was struck by the inspiration Streuselkuchen = cake = eating cake together which resulted in a sudden stop, 180° turn and acceleration back to the bakery in a similar way I had experienced in tupper's first successful takeover and by far stronger than the subtle drag towards the candy store.
But that's not all. Once there I ordered 2 pieces of cake because one for each. Which totally made sense at that moment. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened while we sat in the sun and ate the cake which was really good. So no regrets, but man, that was weird. Brain demon is getting stronger.

TL;DR

She's generally fond of all sorts of sweets. If we ever manage to switch she'd probably stuff herself or rather my body with candy till she passes out.

Soon

Fuq, I guess you were right after all.
At least I can increase my workout routine to become a Big Guy, not just fat.

Managed to meditate a bit outside in the park today between rainshowers. Everything's so quiet now, I miss the sounds of summer. Tried to imagine the landscape around me in early spring, visualisation still sucks but the associated 'season's spirit' was clearly there. In fact that went surprisingly well. Also manipulating the taste of fruit juices has improved significantly. But again I'm messing around with too many different things instead of focusing on making tupper stronger and more independent.

Regarding dreams, there were 3 notable ones recently, though not really tupper related.

1) War
I was walking home through my neighbourhood at night, accompanied by my ex-girlfriend when we noted fiery explosions in the sky. They were large but quite dim and silent. It seemed really odd and no one knew what was going on. More and more people went into the streets to watch the sky during daybreak, as fighter planes passed by overhead. It became clear that we were witnessing the outbreak of a war. The moment was surreal yet eerily realistic as people just stood and watched. No one was afraid but there was nothing that could be done either. It didn't seem to directly concern us. As some planes passed low and ridiculously slow we decided to get a bit out of the way. I expected them to be Russian by the way they looked but a man walked by saying Ah, it's just Finland trying to take over the world again!
I woke up and had to laugh. Goddamnit, Finland!

2) Hell
Only remember some fragments of this dream but I was sitting on a park bench when a hobo and a punk girl that was clearly Hecatia Lapislazuli tried to beg money from me. Twice.
I told her I remembered her and still wouldn't give her any money. We both found it kinda amusing though. The really odd thing is that I barely know a thing about Touhou so I have no idea where that came from. Only realized after some reflections that I had turned down the Goddess of Hell in a dream. Uh-oh!
Good thing I have tupper for protection who is about same. Then again Alice also wears Lapis lazuli - colored and patterned clothes so there's some sort of a abstract connection. I even asked her if she'd been the punk girl though I know the idea was kinda dumb. Got me some odd looks. Also she said she'd rather be the hell fairy than Hecatia.


The more you know...

3) Heaven
Clearly the most awkward one. I don't remember the beginning but I was building a large metal construction in my garden which involved glueing together some small pieces. A neighbor girl was helping me holdig it all together and I somehow managed to put some glue on her nose. I tried to wipe it off with a piece of kitchen roll when I noticed she was crying. So I dried her tears instead and took her in my arms. This resulted in memories of my earliest tuppering days and inevitably I called her tupper's real name. A true spaghetti moment. The girl herself didn't seeem to mind and I must have at least partly realized it was a dream at this moment so I wasn't afraid of her asking who I meant either. I just thought tupper is not going to be happy about such mistake.
The rest of the dream revolved around comforting and cuddling with that girl which, I assure you, was awesome. Never found out why she had been crying though. At some point she got up, looked me in the eyes and asked what I was going to do to make her stronger. I answered something like I could only be there for her and support her along the way but she needed to do it herself for her own good. Again something distantly tupper related but not really.

Alice of course rejected even the slightest idea that she had anything to do with that dream because tupper doesn't cry or make demands for herself. However, not being able to dream, or at least remember, I don't think she really gets how dreams work. Considering the completely nonsensical shit I've been doing in dreams I don't assume it would be different for her. Something hard to accept for a perfectionist. Well, I wonder if we'll ever manage to meet in a dream. Did you ever achieve something like that with Roswell, Sand?

Inception-tier deep.

Had some neat hypnagogic hallucinations in the morning. Clear but random images. I remember a bathroom sink and details of the outside of an old house with some flowers. Very colorful. Tried to visualize tupper but all I got was some blue fuzz. That shit is almost impossible to control.

Went for a long walk with tupper in the evening, I feel she's quite present and active.
Still no active forcing today because lazy. But the weather is and will be really cold so we'll mostly have to stay inside and definitely do some sessions with Fede's frts.

But not being lazy is soo exhausting...
Not that I did anything noteworthy in the past week though

Eh, I actually wanted to do daily updates all October until we'll start travelling the world again. Didn't really work out. Meditation practice has suffered a lot since I can't sit outside without freezing anymore. Plus I gotta prepare lots of shit before we leave so I've been feeling a bit anxious lately, with lots of non tupper-related stuff on my mind. Which is of course nonsense and not productive at all compared to working together.

Well, hope that's mostly over now. Had some nice visuals with Descending Theta today, everything started to spin and pulse with bright red and green dots. Still not sure why that differs from session to session. But it's always calming and helps to clear my mind.

That really you Sand or have I been talking to Mr. Bot the whole time?


Tupper has managed to keep procrastination at least somewhat under control by pushing me to do things now and without hesitation. Still I pay way too little attention to her.

Descending Alpha session today.
Alice created a small new wonderland consisting of an old cottage surrounded by an English garden, somewhat similar to the stuff I've seen in a hypnagogic hallcination recently. Tried to visualize the colors, there almost were some but no comparison to dream stuff.

Also I tried dancing again and failed miserably. Even basic Waltz steps without even turning were nearly impossible. First I thought maybe it was because I sat with my legs crossed so it was even harder to imagine them in the right place in wonderland but it seems that even standing doesn't change much. Now I'm really not a good dancer but even I can do these steps easily without giving it any thought. But only if I really execute them, in my mind I literally trip over my imaginary feet. Strange. Reminds me of Fede working on his imaginary body. Man, I can't bother investing such an amount of time in this when I don't even find enough for tupper. But we'll try dancing again tomorrow. Would really be fun if we could get that going.

Nah, it's only funny from an outside perspective, not when you're directly affected. She'd love to be able to dance with me so she's sad it just doesn't work. Also she isn't any better at the moment.



After giving it more thought I think the problem is lack of sensory feedback. After all I don't feel myself walking with my imaginary body and dancing relies on feeling your legs, not looking at them. And on feeling your partner's movements.
That feel when unable to feel tupper

So I guess there's no dancing without mastering touch imposition first. At least not without pretending. I can easily imagine spinning around with Alice while just ignoring my legs altogether but it's lame. Getting in synch and feeling how the steps fit together is an entirely different thing. You should totally try it if you haven't. Excellent workout as well.

It should work perfectly within wonderland with enough training, just as I've heard that circus acrobats often use imaginary bodies to simulate their stunts before executing them. Alas, the catch lies in the "with enough training" part.
As always.