Man, it's March already...
Been somewhat sick in the past days, not really ill just extremely tired and dizzy. The arctic cold with temperatures down to ⁻15°C wasn't helping either. Despite lots of time neither forcing nor meditation were productive, was unable to focus on anything.
The only thing that worked out were some random wonderland adventures, Alice turned the giant flea into a mount, decorated with lots of bells and we rode through high grass up to the mountains at the edge of wonderland.
Use this as musical background.

Also practiced drawing basic shapes again. Progress is meh. Decent straight lines are still hard. So no awesome drawings from me anytime soon.
Have another wonderland impression instead until I can draw my own.

Man that was - interesting...
So we've been helping out a friend at an international trade fair for the past 4 days. I expected to do some background work at the exhibition stand any idiot could do but then again I had been asked for help because Bernd 'has extensive theoretical knowledge of just about everything'. At least that's apparently what people believe of me. Which may sound flattering but is actually really bothersome because everyone thinks you perfectly know and can do stuff anyway so you receive no help or explanation whatsoever. And so it was, my friend was gone talking to other people for a substantial amount of time leaving the stand just to me. Thankfully tupper intervened and got the guy to explain in detail what we were expected to do before he left because we weren't selling lemonade but promoting defense products to international customers.



It was pretty much as insane as it sounds and I was sweating bullets at the beginning. Alice wasn't too fond of it either because of the serious spaghetti potential and mostly focused on reminding and correcting me. Luckily there wasn't too much interest in our stuff, still just being there all day was really exhausting. Went to sleep immediately when I got home each day. No idea how people manage to live with an ordinary full-time job. Even tupper had to acknowledge that such extensive manual labor actually sucks as you have no time for anything else. We did adapt quickly though and got to meet some really interesting people. Tupper talked to some Arabs about international politics for a long time and no one noticed we were complete outsiders, let alone she's a tupper. On the contrary, I think we made a good impression. Guess my friend was right after all, should consider a career as a con artist. Yet tupper isn't the ideal salesgirl with her brutal honesty openly telling people to buy other stuff which is better and cheaper than ours. Apparently we still did make a good job and even got decent money for it. Was really fun in the end, still glad it's over. I'm beat. My actual research  job really is a holiday compared to this. No hard labor, no interaction with customers or strangers, quiet intellectual environment, interesting novel work. Need to appreciate it more.

So it all definitely was a success, it was intense and stressful especially at the beginning but we managed to interact and support each other even when under pressure. Did reverse the roles for some people Alice found 'worthy' of talking to and I stayed in the background. Had to keep her from going full 14/88 a few times but apart from that she did great on her own. Not sure if it qualifies as switching as it was more of a gradual process than a hard split. I did make some interesting observations on that matter, more about it next time I'm dead tired.

Sun, Mar 25th
Weird dreams in the morning. There probably was Alice beating up some small aliens but I'm not sure. I semi-realized I was dreaming at some points and tried to change the dream that was a bit stressful but it didn't really work as intended.

Tried to meditate while walking outside. Went well for a while but then got lost in thoughts repeatedly. Also tried to impose tupper. Wasn't too successful
30min dancing in the evening, good
30min forcing to music and later another 30min in silence.
Man, it's been a while since we did serious wonderland visualization stuff. This must get better but I need to focus on one thing at a time or I'll get totally lost again and accomplish nothing in the end. Quality over quantity.

Fell asleep yesterday but didn't do anything noteworthy anyway.

Wed, Mar 28th
Tried to visualize some basic wonderland structures around me while dancing with tupper. This is harder than I thought. While 'looking' at Alice's feet in motion kinda works now, adding surroundings in complex and fast rotations is another level. Got dizzy and had to stop soon. Ah small steps...

Same for tupper's project, increasing my strength and stamina goes first before any serious attempts in training martial arts. Both have suffered considerably in winter. It's not bad but  average at best. At least I'm not fat. Getting Alice to exercise for me while relaxing in wonderland would be the deal but unfortunately that's not how things work. She still has zero strength and can't do possession against resistance. Going with the flow is fine but fast movements or lifing heavy stuff doesn't work at all.

Whoa, I already thought you were gone too and I'm just talking to myself here while slowly descending into madness. Gotta admit that's more entertaining when there's someone else around.



Thu, Mar 29th
Felt better today. Meditated at the park despite rainy weather. Birds were all singing which made a neat background. No progress at dancing, had to stop visualizing background again. 30min active forcing at night, meditated together in wonderland, was good. Needless to say I need to do more. There's barely enough forcing to keep the status quo.

Went to Easter Vigil in Munich Cathedral yesterday but fell asleep early.
Was neat, I'm still convinced all this religion stuff is not really different from tuppering.
Coincidentially I also came across thisrecently. The more you know...


Sun, Apr 1st
Happy Easter!



Met with family and friends which caused me to fail keeping Alice around yet again. Damn. I told her to make herself heard when I stop paying attention as we can only do this together but tupper is like, too proud for that. Not really helping.

Meditated in the garden at dawn and a marten came up really close as I was not moving. They're soo curious. Alice likes them and wanted to pet it which is no big deal when you're an imposed tupper. Yet trying that while possessing isn't so easy, she moved my arm really slow but the marten eventually found the whole thing too weird and fled. Can't blame it.

Now for some active forcing before gong to sleep. Schedule is still inexistent, efforts pathetic.

But only if it really does make some ridiculous cartoonish sound when I'm hit.

Regarding possession, arms are still much easier than legs. Which is strange as I can dissociate completely while walking, giving it zero thought or attention. Guess it's too automated to even tap into it. I mean, even I have trouble walking consciously. Ah, we'll just continue practicing as it's finally warm and sunny enough for outside stuff.

Had some vivid dreams in the morning with very colorful hypnagogic hallucinations in between. Tried to focus on them but it's like riding a wave. Awesome for a moment but you lose it quickly. Unless you're a pro. I'm obviously not.