Author Topic: RoF's Progress on Tulpas  (Read 16075 times)

RailOfFire

RoF's Progress on Tulpas
« on: July 26, 2014, 11:14:38 AM »
On here will be the thread of the progress of my tulpas.
Updates will be titled as the topic name.
Therefore, please do not change your subject to this.


Each week will be in a new post, hopefully.
Any new tulpas will be listed below.
The color of their names will be the color of their quotes in this thread, if relevant.


1. Probitas; Male - Wolf
Creation Date: 7/31/2014
Personality Type: Unknown
-- Deceased
--- Date of Death: 9/12/2014


2. ???; Male - Orb of Light?
Creation Date: 10/???/2014
Personality Type: Unknown


Details are subject to change.

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[IMP] - Posts marked with this tag are considered as important logs, usually from a series of important milestones and/or events.
You can usually find important posts by pressing CTRL + F and typing in "[IMP]" without the quotation marks.



Monthly Notes; - Posts marked with this tag at the end of the post are known to be the last post of the month.
Under this tag contains all of the notes taken across the month.
Similar to the Important tag, you can usually find the notes taken by pressing CTRL + F and typing in "Monthly Notes" or "Notes" without the quotation marks.



Logs colored like this are important. They usually mark specific times, which are made via Eastern Standard Time.



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7/24/2014 (Thursday) - Started research on the idea of "tulpas". Registered.

7/25/2014 (Friday) - Further research on tulpas, to find the best ways to help them in their growth, different methods of creation, and overall to understand them.
Keep note that I have found of a good personality type for my first Tulpa;  ISTJ. I'm still unsure of what to do of this, however.
Should I not use it and/or use aspects of it, we will see.

7/26/2014 (Saturday) - Again, no important updates, and rather just more research on the subject.
However, Kiahdaj's Absolute Guide to Tuplas, a guide that I've recently read, taught me much about tuplas that I didn't know.
Furthermore, I believe I'm not going to be doing the personality step. Although other guides have explained that personality is a must, Kiahdaj's Guide has taught me that it is optional, as the tupla will develop on their own. This makes for great tuplas in my opinion, as I wish to allow the tupla to be however (s)he wants.
More so, the tupla's deviation should be mirroring my subconscious desires (which is a good thing). Thanks to Kiahdaj for the guide.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2015, 03:22:56 AM by RailOfFire »

Re: Rail's Progress on Farts
« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2014, 05:33:17 PM »
Since you registered on tulpanet, I'll just throw these two out here. Seeing as my guide is on the very last page in the tulpa.info guides section, I'm doubting you've seen it unless you've taken the time to browse this forum's guide section. And Eye-Bo, yeah well, there's technically a thread about that on .info as well, but again, it's hidden far, far away in the 99+ pages, so unless you've heard of it from another person, you've probably not encountered it before.

You seem to spell tulpas as tuplas a lot.

Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpae
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2014, 05:34:36 PM »
Plural is tulpas. Tulpa as a plural is acceptable though it shares all the same problems other words with a similar singular and plural do, namely confusion over which one you are meaning when it's not obvious. Just please stop using made up words that aren't correct in any language, thanks.

Similarly, a Tupla is a candy bar. A tulpa (note lower case, as we are not speaking German), however, is the kind of thoughtform we're talking about.

Nitpicking aside, good luck I guess. I see that you might be the kind of a person who follows guides too much and possibly even the wrong ones, seeing how you claim that they say personality is a necessary step. Most modern ones say that is bullshit and everything you read from guides should be taken with a grain of salt. There is no one way to make a tulpa and what works for you will work for you. Follow your own gut, if it sounds good or like it will work, use that. If you think something doesn't work then it probably won't, and if something sounds stupid/too good to be true, that's how it might be. All we can talk about is our own, personal experiences - yours will most likely be different and what is a rule to us might not be that way to you.

Seriously, we are talking of a being created with your mind using your imagination. It is pretty limitless, though I'm sure we all know what limits imaginations has in real life. But inside your head, there's not much stopping you, honestly. We don't really know what a tulpa is or why they end up existing, but from my personal experience, I guess it had to work in some way seeing how I do have a voice in my head and all.

RailOfFire

Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2014, 10:19:54 AM »
Plural is tulpas. Tulpa as a plural is acceptable though it shares all the same problems other words with a similar singular and plural do, namely confusion over which one you are meaning when it's not obvious. Just please stop using made up words that aren't correct in any language, thanks.

Similarly, a Tupla is a candy bar. A tulpa (note lower case, as we are not speaking German), however, is the kind of thoughtform we're talking about.

Nitpicking aside, good luck I guess. I see that you might be the kind of a person who follows guides too much and possibly even the wrong ones, seeing how you claim that they say personality is a necessary step. Most modern ones say that is bullshit and everything you read from guides should be taken with a grain of salt. There is no one way to make a tulpa and what works for you will work for you. Follow your own gut, if it sounds good or like it will work, use that. If you think something doesn't work then it probably won't, and if something sounds stupid/too good to be true, that's how it might be. All we can talk about is our own, personal experiences - yours will most likely be different and what is a rule to us might not be that way to you.

Seriously, we are talking of a being created with your mind using your imagination. It is pretty limitless, though I'm sure we all know what limits imaginations has in real life. But inside your head, there's not much stopping you, honestly. We don't really know what a tulpa is or why they end up existing, but from my personal experience, I guess it had to work in some way seeing how I do have a voice in my head and all.

Changed all plural versions of "tulpa" to be "tulpas". At least, that's what I got from your post. I personally prefer "tulpae", but it seems to be correctly spelt as "tulpas" in Wikipedia, etc. Found this, too.

And yes, I have done plenty of resarch on the topic. I actually haven't seen the replies to this post until today, when I went on Tulpa Network today.
Hey, I did say it'd be more updated on .info, didn't I?
« Last Edit: August 01, 2014, 10:56:36 AM by RailOfFire »

RailOfFire

Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2014, 10:22:27 AM »
[IMP] -
7/27/2014 (Sunday) - Nothing very important, except for more research on the subject.
I'm planning to start working on my tulpa on Wednesday, the day after my weekly music lessons.
That way, my mind can be clear when I first start.
Furthermore, so I can know about tulpas as much as I can (which will help against making the wrong desicions, like as to hurt the tulpa in any way, and/or to interrupt progress).

7/28/2014 (Monday) - Regarding research, today was a very successful day.

I've found some very interesting things, via The Lucid Tulpamancer's list of tips and guides.
Proven to be very useful at the end of the day, as I've seen and learned things I've never known of, some things I've never even considered. It's definitely a page that will stay bookmarked for quite a while.
I've even discovered some meditation techniques, mostly coming from Fede.
Tomorrow I plan to work on my Wonderland/Mindscape.
-
11:21 PM (Monday) - I've just tried Pranayama meditation. 15-20 minutes of it seemed to pass by quickly, and I've noticed that, after, I haven't had a single intrusive thought.
I'm definitely going to try this again when I work on my Wonderland and my tulpa.

7/29/2014 (Tuesday) - Today, regarding research, wasn't very useful at all. Most of the stuff I've read was to finish up on yesterday's study. Things such as the ping-pong method and the memory house method for Wonderlands. I did, however, find an interesting Latin name for him, which, if without deviation, will be known as "Probitas". Of course, if he doesn't like the name, I'd clearly support deviation, as I personally want to give my tulpa freedom to choose what he wants to be.
Speaking of Wonderlands(/Mindscapes), I haven't had time today to work on it. Later tonight I'm going to try to start working on it, when I can get to a room that is quiet.
I've recently started meditating a lot since yesterday. I'm going to be trying it again before I work on the Wonderland, perhaps trying it with Fede's Tulpa Tones or some other tones to see if they help. They may just prove to be a distraction.
-
3:53 AM (Wednesday) - I've just made a basic Wonderland. It's more of a cottage/nordic house than anything, at the moment, for later expansion. Will improve later on the house as well.

7/30/2014 (Wednesday) - I'm going to be starting my tulpa today. Time to read up on as many guides as possible.
-
5:40 PM (Wednesday) - I've officially finished the first part of making a tulpa; personality.
Here's the link to the Pastebin. It may be a bit like a Mary Sue, but, of course, it's not set in stone.
I've also decided to make Probitas a male. His personality and appearance marks him to be most like a male.

7/31/2014 (Thursday) - I'm actually pretty surprised at how I'm starting the creation process. Possibly may be because, at the moment, I'm not able to do very much.
I've recently started printing out a shitload of wolf and wolf anatomy pictures, along with my personality "chart".
This is because if, I'm hoping, I happen to need reference photos and the original list of his personality, I can quickly use the papers from off to the side.
I honestly hope I don't have to do this, however, since I'd be focusing my attention on something other than my tulpa during the session.
Not that, for personality however, I have much of a choice.
-
7:43 PM (Thursday) - Alright, so I've got some serious news.
So I've just ended my first forcing session, but I may have had a slight mishap.
I had been forcing for about an hour and a half, and then I had gone onto the pre-creation process after finally finishing the form.
By that point, I was starting to experience a slight headache.
And then, I opened my eyes.
Now, this, is a serious no-no. You're supposed to focus all attention onto your tulpa.
I opened them slowly to check my charts for reference, and then suddenly my headache dissapeared.
When I closed my eyes again (since, I found it eaiser to force with my eyes closed atm), I couldn't remember my tulpa anymore.
I'm going to be trying the session again, and this time I hope I can finish with success. I'm currently memorizing the charts now.
I can still remember most parts of my tulpa, so I'm hoping that I haven't disconnected him.
-
8:24 PM (Thursday) - I've finished my "second" session of Probitas. I've visualized his form completely, as well as read his personality traits about twice, if not three times.
One thing that honestly worries me though, is the fact that, even though I've completed the pre-creation process, this time I in fact did not get a headache or anything of the sorts.
Although it may be because of the splitting of the two sessions, and the fact that I wasn't creating an entirely new form, it gives me doubts which I'm honestly trying to get rid of immediately.
I could have sworn that I saw him shift in place slightly when I was about to end the session, but I may have been puppeting him.
I can only hope that it was him, according to the rule to always assume it's him.
I also did try the technique of sliding your hands across your tulpa's body, which was successful, as I did in fact feel warmth, as well as him breathing.
Even if I feel like I should wash my hands after running my hands over the "areas" as well, I seem to be able to visualize him better (somehow).
He seems to be much clearer than he did before, and he seems to have this sense of life in him (even though he doesn't need it).
Thanks, anatomy!
Passive forcing sessions over.

Re: Rail's Penis on Tulpas
« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2014, 02:03:21 AM »
Seems to be quite the pattern here that people post a diary thread, have it stay alive for some 5-15 replies, and then forget all about it. However, I suppose that's no different from many of the progress reports on tulpa.info.

Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2014, 06:10:40 AM »
Just hope they don't forget about their tuppers as well.

RailOfFire

Re: Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2014, 06:45:32 PM »
Seems to be quite the pattern here that people post a diary thread, have it stay alive for some 5-15 replies, and then forget all about it. However, I suppose that's no different from many of the progress reports on tulpa.info.
Actually, I literally couldn't find this site for a while now.

Been looking for it for a while, for some unknown reason tulpanetwork.com wasn't working for me a while back.

Just hope they don't forget about their tuppers as well.

Oh god, no.

RailOfFire

Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2014, 06:48:17 PM »
7/27/2014 (Sunday) - Nothing very important, except for more research on the subject.
I'm planning to start working on my tulpa on Wednesday, the day after my weekly music lessons.
That way, my mind can be clear when I first start.
Furthermore, so I can know about tulpas as much as I can (which will help against making the wrong desicions, like as to hurt the tulpa in any way, and/or to interrupt progress).

7/28/2014 (Monday) - Regarding research, today was a very successful day.

I've found some very interesting things, via The Lucid Tulpamancer's list of tips and guides.
Proven to be very useful at the end of the day, as I've seen and learned things I've never known of, some things I've never even considered. It's definitely a page that will stay bookmarked for quite a while.
I've even discovered some meditation techniques, mostly coming from Fede.
Tomorrow I plan to work on my Wonderland/Mindscape.
-
11:21 PM (Monday) - I've just tried Pranayama meditation. 15-20 minutes of it seemed to pass by quickly, and I've noticed that, after, I haven't had a single intrusive thought.
I'm definitely going to try this again when I work on my Wonderland and my tulpa.

7/29/2014 (Tuesday) - Today, regarding research, wasn't very useful at all. Most of the stuff I've read was to finish up on yesterday's study. Things such as the ping-pong method and the memory house method for Wonderlands. I did, however, find an interesting Latin name for him, which, if without deviation, will be known as "Probitas". Of course, if he doesn't like the name, I'd clearly support deviation, as I personally want to give my tulpa freedom to choose what he wants to be.
Speaking of Wonderlands(/Mindscapes), I haven't had time today to work on it. Later tonight I'm going to try to start working on it, when I can get to a room that is quiet.
I've recently started meditating a lot since yesterday. I'm going to be trying it again before I work on the Wonderland, perhaps trying it with Fede's Tulpa Tones or some other tones to see if they help. They may just prove to be a distraction.
-
3:53 AM (Wednesday) - I've just made a basic Wonderland. It's more of a cottage/nordic house than anything, at the moment, for later expansion. Will improve later on the house as well.

7/30/2014 (Wednesday) - I'm going to be starting my tulpa today. Time to read up on as many guides as possible.
-
5:40 PM (Wednesday) - I've officially finished the first part of making a tulpa; personality.
Here's the link to the Pastebin. It may be a bit like a Mary Sue, but, of course, it's not set in stone.
I've also decided to make Probitas a male. His personality and appearance marks him to be most like a male.

7/31/2014 (Thursday) - I'm actually pretty surprised at how I'm starting the creation process. Possibly may be because, at the moment, I'm not able to do very much.
I've recently started printing out a shitload of wolf and wolf anatomy pictures, along with my personality "chart".
This is because if, I'm hoping, I happen to need reference photos and the original list of his personality, I can quickly use the papers from off to the side.
I honestly hope I don't have to do this, however, since I'd be focusing my attention on something other than my tulpa during the session.
Not that, for personality however, I have much of a choice.
-
7:43 PM (Thursday) - Alright, so I've got some serious news.
So I've just ended my first forcing session, but I may have had a slight mishap.
I had been forcing for about an hour and a half, and then I had gone onto the pre-creation process after finally finishing the form.
By that point, I was starting to experience a slight headache.
And then, I opened my eyes.
Now, this, is a serious no-no. You're supposed to focus all attention onto your tulpa.
I opened them slowly to check my charts for reference, and then suddenly my headache dissapeared.
When I closed my eyes again (since, I found it eaiser to force with my eyes closed atm), I couldn't remember my tulpa anymore.
I'm going to be trying the session again, and this time I hope I can finish with success. I'm currently memorizing the charts now.
I can still remember most parts of my tulpa, so I'm hoping that I haven't disconnected him.
-
8:24 PM (Thursday) - I've finished my "second" session of Probitas. I've visualized his form completely, as well as read his personality traits about twice, if not three times.
One thing that honestly worries me though, is the fact that, even though I've completed the pre-creation process, this time I in fact did not get a headache or anything of the sorts.
Although it may be because of the splitting of the two sessions, and the fact that I wasn't creating an entirely new form, it gives me doubts which I'm honestly trying to get rid of immediately.
I could have sworn that I saw him shift in place slightly when I was about to end the session, but I may have been puppeting him.
I can only hope that it was him, according to the rule to always assume it's him.
I also did try the technique of sliding your hands across your tulpa's body, which was successful, as I did in fact feel warmth, as well as him breathing.
Even if I feel like I should wash my hands after running my hands over the "areas" as well, I seem to be able to visualize him better (somehow).
He seems to be much clearer than he did before, and he seems to have this sense of life in him (even though he doesn't need it).
Thanks, anatomy!
Passive forcing sessions over.

8/1/2014 (Friday) - Having a bit of trouble continuing to narrate, as well as visualizing.
Recently I've been trying a few techniques to visualize better, but I'm not sure about narration.
I'll just see if I can remind myself to continue talking.
Reading a book or a Wikipedia entry might prove useful.

8/2/2014 (Saturday) - Been trying to keep my mind on narrating, visualizing still seems to prove to be difficult.



Monthly Notes;


7/25/2014 (Friday)[/b] - A possible personality of ISTJ may be chosen.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2014, 07:00:41 PM by RailOfFire »

RailOfFire

Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #9 on: October 14, 2014, 06:49:02 PM »
8/3/2014 (Sunday) - I've still been having trouble visualizing. I'm starting to visualize him outside of the wonderland rather than inside, such as visualizing him with a white background.
Still trying to better my visualization so that I can force with him easier and make progress.

Note; I've been experiencing slight to extreme headaches recently. I'm known to get them fairly often, usually to the extremes, but I've recently been getting them more than usual.
Unfortunately, even though most of them are steady, not very many have surpassed over an hour of pressure.
Headaches don't necessarily mean pressure, either, even though it may seem that way.

8/4/2014 (Monday) - I tried something new today.
Instead of trying to visualize him better, I tried to visualize the Wonderland better. I seem to start visualizing him in the Wonderland again, rather than in a blank space.
I've noticed small details on him starting to grow more diverse, such as the growth and texture of his fur, and the marks on his teeth.
I may have to study pictures in order to remember him better however, as I've started to forget some of the features farther out on his body, such as the position of his tail or the length.
I'll try visualizing in the half-asleep state tomorrow.

Note; I haven't been on the forums in a while. I've recently updated from 8/2/2014 up to 8/4/2014.

8/5/2014 (Tuesday) - I most likely won't get much done on Tuesdays, due to my lessons.
The half-asleep state (Hypnagogia) didn't go so well either; as always, it's not the easiest trick to pull.
I'll try going into the state again tomorrow, when my mind is clear.

On a side note, visualization seemed to be better than usual today.
I had started to study anatomy and pictures of wolves yesterday, and surprisingly I can see him clearer than his usual form.
I suppose I don't see very many wolves often.
I'll be studying again tonight.

8/6/2014 (Wednesday) - Yet again, another day of failed Hypnagogia.
I'll try going to sleep later in the day to try it again.

Note; No success. I'll have to do it on 8/7, most likely later in the day.

8/7/2014 (Thursday) - Today could be considered more than successful, as I've yet again experienced Hypnagogia, or at least partially.
Although I seemed alarmed when I awoken, I managed to immediately slip away into the state, where I had experienced almost if not perfect visualization.
Instead of having to focus mainly on his head and upper body, it seemed more than easy for me to be able to visualize his entire body, head to (paw).
The problem of where attributes would randomly change disappeared almost completely, and he seemed fairly normal, which made it much easier to last a forcing session of about a half hour to an hour.
I've ran through the Wonderland to see if anything's changed as well, yet nothing has, which isn't too alarming to see.
I'll be trying it again tomorrow and on Saturday.

8/8/2014 (Friday) - Unfortunately, I failed to slip into the state of visualization.
I've managed to lengthen the forcing sessions though, and I'm starting to use techniques to remember to narrate, something I've tackled with for quite a while now.

8/9/2014 (Saturday) - Hypnagogia was successful again today, but yet again only at a partial rate, if I could say.
I've noticed that most of my failures with slipping into the state is usually forgetting about the state its-self.
When I am to succeed, it's normally when I remember about the state immediately, when I awake.
I'll be trying to use something to help me to remember about the state.
Furthermore, small details of his form seem to be getting more and more diverse on each session.
Something to take note on for future reference, as this could mean that he's not officially been created, and that he's currently just a thought growing in the mind, a theory that.
However, it could also mean that he's changing his form to his liking, that I'm changing his form manually which is something I wish to stray away from, or that I'm starting to visualize him more clearer.
It's more likely that it's just due to improved visualization, due to Hypnagogia.

Note; Possible parroting and/or puppeting, as well as other possible theories such as improved visualization or proven sentience.
May also be unofficially created, to the point of where he is still a static thought in the mind.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2014, 07:00:34 PM by RailOfFire »

RailOfFire

Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #10 on: October 14, 2014, 06:49:44 PM »
8/10/2014 (Sunday) - Started to lose concentration during hypnagogia today.
As usual, I've woken up with a hurry, immediately remembering the state and slipping into hypnagogia.
After about 5 to 10 minutes, I started to lose concentration as more and more intrusive thoughts would come in uninvited.
Using the same technique as I do when I meditate, I tried to  lower the rate, but I eventually lost concentration and was only able to visualize Probitas just as, if not worse than the way I normally do.
Something to note as well, asking him questions, narrarating, or forcing with him at all hasn't made him to change his position at all. I'm starting to get worried on whether or not he's actually been created, or if I'm actually forcing him still instead of allowing him to move.
Since parroting is a conscious action, that's most likely not the problem, but more of if he's actually considered a tulpa.
I know I shouldn't be doubting, and more so the fact that he's just recently been created and isn't at all sentient, but it worries me to know that he hasn't been seen to move, even during the State.
I'll be researching more on this topic, and I'll see if I should be worrying about this.
I may not be feeding him enough attention, as I haven't been narrating very often as of late.

Note; Even during hypnagogia, forcing with Probitas hasn't been seen to trigger a response in any way.


8/11/2014 (Monday) - Today is the first day that I can say I was truthfully in hypnagogia.
As soon as I realized I was slipping out of sleep, I immediately resorted to slipping into the State.
I was forcing with him for about thirty minutes to an hour or so before I finally slipped out of the State.
Although it may not mean anything of importance, I asked him if he could help me to visualize the Wonderland better later on in the day.
After I asked, the Wonderland seemed much clearer than it normally would when I'm visualizing; I could recognize thicker details more clearer.
Keep note that this may mean a possible sentience may be in Probitas, although it is unclear at the moment.
I've tried the technique of asking him to surprise me many times (as well as to ask him questions often) and I've never once gotten a response.

Note; Possible sentience due to a response to a request.

8/12/2014 (Tuesday) - Couldn't connect to the State.
Meanwhile, I've tried about a thirty minute to hour session of forcing with Probitas.
It's not very long, I know; I'm trying to work on that at the moment.
I also tried playing the Black Box with him today.
It seemed when it was his turn, I couldn't get a response.
However, I did seem to get a response when it was my turn.
I had picked a stick or duck of some sort into a box; it was the first thing I could think of.
My mind seemed to have gone fuzzy and/or confused, and so my mind started generating several responses at once.
With so many responses flooding me at the time, I couldn't tell which one was actually his response.
Some responses ranged from a doll up to a ocean in the black box; I just couldn't tell which one was his.
It seemed my brain seemed to be generating responses for me rather than him to be answering.
Then again, it could be the theory of him being too young to be original, the fact that he's not fully sentient, or something of the sorts.

Note; Black Box technique failed. Too many responses were generated, and possible sentience can't be confirmed at the time.

8/13/2014 (Wednesday) - My forcing session today lasted entirely of asking questions.
With topics running out to narrate about, I decided to ask questions would be easier.
Because of this, my forcing session lasted only 5-10 minutes, and I haven't narrated at all today, which is terribly pathetic.
Meanwhile, on the bright side, I've tried the Black Box strategy again today.
For some reason though, I couldn't think of anything to put into the Box; or, at least, anything that would be static.
Everything I put into the Box changed simultaneously to something else.
I ended up not getting a single movement or response out of Probitas today.
I need to give him more attention, and make sure he's making progress.

8/14/2014 (Thursday) - I got a response out of Probitas today when I noticed something in the Wonderland had changed.
Recently, when I had made the Wonderland, the table in the back of the house had seemed to want to change.
When I came into the Wonderland yesterday as well as a couple days ago, it seemed to be something such as an old and rusty washing machine, the model I remember to be a washing machine from the 1980s and 1990s.
I didn't think much of the change until today.
I changed the washer back to the table earlier in the morning today, and when I came into the Wonderland it was back to the machine.
I then changed it back to the table for the third time and asked Probitas to change it back when I left if it was he who wanted the change, so I knew it was him making the change and not me subconsciously changing the table, even though that might be considered a response in some cases.
Focusing hard on the table, I finally left the Wonderland and didn't think about the table for a while.
Five minutes later when I came back into the Wonderland, the machine was back, just as it's been here for the past week or so.
I admit it wasn't the most safe nor the most accurate way of insuring that it was his response, but it was the best I could do at that point in time.
Something to note as well, I've recently updated from 8/12/2014 to 8/14/2014.

Note; Possible progress and possible sentience due to a change in the Wonderland.
Updated from 8/12/2014 to 8/14/2014.

8/15/2014 (Friday) - Not much happened at all.
Failed hypnagogia.
I hardly even got to force or narrate to him very much at all today, which is very saddening to say.
Pisses me off greatly that I couldn't find a place to actively force, nor to remember to narrate as much as possible.
I suppose I have gotten into a habit of saying, "Good morning, Probitas."
As well as this, "Good night, Probitas."

8/16/2014 (Saturday) - Successful hypnagogia.
Spent about 10, 15 minutes purely of asking him questions and visualizing him and the Wonderland.
Been able to narrate for about 30 minutes, of ending to a loss of words.
I suppose I'll read my book later and connect it to him, as that could be considered some form of narration.
I was also able to go over his personality traits again with him today, which I've been wanting to do for a while.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2014, 07:00:53 PM by RailOfFire »

RailOfFire

Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #11 on: October 14, 2014, 06:50:32 PM »
[IMP] -


8/17/2014 (Sunday) - Successful hypnagogia, and more on that.
Very exciting news, as I've actually got movement as well as a sentient response from him.
When I had gone on the Black Box, he had guessed what it was almost immediately (by forcing in the object of what it was).
However, when it was his turn (I had let him go twice), I had guessed it the first time, and had an idea of what his object was.
On the second attempt, I had been thinking hard of (quite literally, nothing), and so when he was ready for me to guess (via nodding), I wasn't sure of what the object would be.
After a while, I had guessed bike, with an answer of "no", which was clearly very exciting to me.
Even though puppeting is a conscious action, my only hopes are that I wasn't puppeting him the entire time (or, that his object was literally nothing, meaning he was possibly too young to be original, or I'm unknowingly changing his object, as he didn't show me the object afterwards).

8/18/2014 (Monday) - I'm not sure what to think of Probitas' responses.
I've asked him plenty of questions as well as done the Black Box with him plenty, but quite a few times I've been assaulted with various answers and/or responses, to the point of where I've started to suspect myself of parroting and/or puppeting.
I've said this plenty before in my log; I know that they're conscious actions, but I can't be sure of whether or not I know I'm doing the action.
This is something that I know isn't very easy to explain, and furthermore not very easy to understand.
The way this works is, I've suspected myself of parroting and/or puppeting plenty, but I can feel myself and/or Probitas generating the response before the answer comes, most times being exactly what I wanted to hear.
I feel unsure of whether or not I've been doing this, however, as one falsely confirmed doubt could easily ruin this entire being, this one subconscious, which is one of the main reasons why I feel much too uneasy to even be considering doubting about this sort of thing.
It could very well be that he's too young to be original, and/or that I know him very well, but most of his responses seem to be too jerky and/or too sudden, referring to his movement.
Visualizing him isn't working very well at all for me either, as well; as I've mentioned, I've had plenty of problems visualizing him before.
My mind may go from him sleeping on the floor, to walking towards me, to frozen in the same position he was in when I was creating him; all at once.
Here's a pastebin link that explains more about the subject.
-
Furthermore, I haven't gone into the State for a while now, which seems to be taking a toll on my visualizing skills; not visualizing him very often doesn't help to ease that damage, either.
Probitas doesn't seem to be the one who communicates via head pressures and tulpish; in fact, if anything, I haven't gotten a single response to my requests for him to do so, to know that he can hear me even if I can't hear him.
My biggest quote right now at this point in time would probably be, "You've just got to hope."
Hoping doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.
I suppose I'm being too dramatic about his responses to me, and his method of communication.

8/19/2014 (Tuesday) - With a lot of things going on at the moment, I haven't been able to do very much with Probitas. The matter of fact that I haven't been able to show him much attention (let alone to active force and/or narrate to him).
I'll definitely try passive forcing later on in the week.

8/20/2014 (Wednesday) Yet again, another day with hardly any attention to Probitas.
With so many family problems as well, my main fear is that something such as anger or depression might bleed into his personality.
I'll be trying something like the Hall of Memories that Doughnut made, so that nothing bleeds in (as well as try to clear my doubts, of course).

8/21/2014 (Thursday) -
Something really strange has been happening lately (or rather, quite sad if you prefer).
With plenty of arguments and overall family problems going on recently, I haven't had much time to pay attention to Probitas.
Moreover, even as I've been trying as much as possible to get rid of, with everything going on at the moment I've been getting plenty of intrusive thoughts and even doubts in Probitas and our forcing sessions.
Earlier today I tried to start a forcing session with him, but my mind has been feeling empty lately, as if I've dissipated him.
I've really been worrying about it frequently (whether or not he's okay, or if I dissipated him by doubting) and, wherever I look, I can't seem to visualize Probitas at all in the Wonderland.
My mind has been trying to visualize him there, but wherever I try to visualize him in the Wonderland, I can feel as if he's not there or that there's not the same sense of warmth I had when he was in creation.
Either this has been a good sign, and that he has been able to move around, or it could mean that I've dissipated him by accident or by not being able to pay attention to him, and I'm just experiencing that "sense of emptiness" like some people have described.
Something to note as well, I've been trying to spend as much time with him as possible, if anything the bare minimum because of my surroundings when I'm able to force.
It may be that I've been doubting him too much, and that I've actually delayed progress and/or dissipated him, in which would hurt me greatly; not because I'd have to restart the creation process, but because he's a part of me, quite literally.
If he was to still be okay and an active tulpa, I fear that most of the arguments, etc. might bleed into his personality, including my anger.
No updates on his position or if he's okay at the moment.

Note; Updated from 8/19/2014 to 8/21/2014.
Probitas seems to have potentially dissipated, or drifted away; nowhere to be seen, and tulpish hasn't been given out since he was created.

8/22/2014 (Friday) - Hypnagogia failed as expected, I need to get used to using alarms again.
Probitas, yet again, is nowhere to be seen; I've been visualizing him in different positions possibly in every inch of the Wonderland, yet everywhere I attempt to visualize I can sense that he isn't there.
I've also noticed that things he had changed when he was here I don't feel such a strong notice to keep, such as the washing machine; I can change it back to the table to test, but once I re-visualize the Wonderland, I don't feel such a strong notice to change it back.
I've found no need to construct the revision of the "Hall of Memories" at the moment, as I'm desperately trying to see where Probitas might be.
Looking back at one of my doubts earlier on as well; as I had said, I haven't gotten any tulpish from Probitas since he was created.
Although there are some tulpas who don't prefer to use this type of communication (even when asked), there's a rare chance that Probitas might have been or is one of those tulpas.
If anything, there's a good chance that Probitas was, or is simply just a being in the mind at the moment, and wasn't ever officially created, simply repeatedly visualized.
I had experimented with asking him a while ago questions using head pressure, but yet I couldn't tell if the pressure was there or not.
My doubts come back, they do.

Note; Possible chance that Probitas was simply just a being, and/or was dissipated if he was an actual tulpa.
More news on the fact that he might have drifted away, losing connection with me, the host.

8/23/2014 (Saturday) -
Keep note that for the next two weeks' logs, everything will be simple as can be; I haven't been able to get back to this lately.
-
It's great to be back on this Progress Report, as for the past two weeks I haven't been able to get on the Forums.
If anything, just because of this delay I've had to make a new tag known as "Late Update".
I have had updates like this happen, but never one this largely delayed.
A lot of things have been happening lately in my life, but everything has been sorted out and cleared up, and we should hopefully be fine here.
A great deal of things have happened since I've been gone, and I can only hope that I'll be able to clear everything up, at the very least remember.
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« Last Edit: October 14, 2014, 07:01:07 PM by RailOfFire »

RailOfFire

Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #12 on: October 14, 2014, 06:50:59 PM »
8/24/2014 (Sunday) - No information written for the current date.

8/25/2014 (Monday) - No information written for the current date.

8/26/2014 (Tuesday) - No information written for the current date.

8/27/2014 (Wednesday) - No information written for the current date.

8/28/2014 (Thursday) - No information written for the current date.

8/29/2014 (Friday) - No information written for the current date.

8/30/2014 (Saturday) - No information written for the current date.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2014, 07:01:15 PM by RailOfFire »

RailOfFire

Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #13 on: October 14, 2014, 06:51:23 PM »
8/31/2014 (Sunday) - No information written for the current date.

9/1/2014 (Monday) - No information written for the current date.

9/2/2014 (Tuesday) - No information written for the current date.

9/3/2014 (Wednesday) - No information written for the current date.

9/4/2014 (Thursday) -
Very sorry for the delay. Have been doing a lot of things lately, and so I haven't been able to get back to the Progress Report.
Many information from 8/23/2014 to 9/4/2014 will be, if anything, simple and bland; it's very difficult to remember everything that has happened during that time.
-
I've went over Probitas' personality traits again with him today, simply because it's starting to get difficult to force with him.
What I mean with that is, I'm still having trouble visualizing him, let alone making sure my brain doesn't drown out his responses like last time with the sentient tests.
The only thing I'm down to trying at this point is either asking him questions, to narrate with him, or to simply talk to him about something I want him to know (for example, I've talked to him about how I don't support sex slavery or slavery in general, among other things).
Lately I've just been trying to update him on his personality traits and narrate to him, or to just visualize him in as much detail as I can; I still need to get better at doing so.
I certainly don't seem like the type that would naturally be able to visualize perfectly.
-
More updates tomorrow.

9/5/2014 (Friday)9/6/2014 (Saturday) - Not showing very much attention at all to Probitas at the moment; aim is to fix the Log.
Minimal attention if anything, such as talking to him during the day and narrating to him.

Note; Log, at the moment, may take some time to clean up.
Feeling upon thought dissipation is now gone, or at least hidden from me.



Monthly Notes;


8/3/2014 (Sunday)[/b] - I've been experiencing slight to extreme headaches recently. I'm known to get them fairly often, usually to the extremes, but I've recently been getting them more than usual.
Unfortunately, even though most of them are steady, not very many have surpassed over an hour of pressure.
Headaches don't necessarily mean pressure, either, even though it may seem that way.

8/4/2014 (Monday)[/b] - I haven't been on the forums in a while. I've recently updated from 8/2/2014 up to 8/4/2014.

8/6/2014 (Wednesday)[/b] - No success in Hypnagogia. I'll have to do it on 8/7, most likely later in the day.

8/9/2014 (Saturday) - Possible parroting and/or puppeting, as well as other possible theories such as improved visualization or proven sentience.
May also be unofficially created, to the point of where he is still a static thought in the mind.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2014, 07:01:26 PM by RailOfFire »

RailOfFire

Rail's Progress on Tulpas
« Reply #14 on: October 14, 2014, 06:52:10 PM »
8/31/2014 (Sunday) - No information written for the current date.

9/1/2014 (Monday) - No information written for the current date.

9/2/2014 (Tuesday) - No information written for the current date.

9/3/2014 (Wednesday) - No information written for the current date.

9/4/2014 (Thursday) -
Very sorry for the delay. Have been doing a lot of things lately, and so I haven't been able to get back to the Progress Report.
Many information from 8/23/2014 to 9/4/2014 will be, if anything, simple and bland; it's very difficult to remember everything that has happened during that time.
-
I've went over Probitas' personality traits again with him today, simply because it's starting to get difficult to force with him.
What I mean with that is, I'm still having trouble visualizing him, let alone making sure my brain doesn't drown out his responses like last time with the sentient tests.
The only thing I'm down to trying at this point is either asking him questions, to narrate with him, or to simply talk to him about something I want him to know (for example, I've talked to him about how I don't support sex slavery or slavery in general, among other things).
Lately I've just been trying to update him on his personality traits and narrate to him, or to just visualize him in as much detail as I can; I still need to get better at doing so.
I certainly don't seem like the type that would naturally be able to visualize perfectly.
-
More updates tomorrow.

9/5/2014 (Friday)9/6/2014 (Saturday) - Not showing very much attention at all to Probitas at the moment; aim is to fix the Log.
Minimal attention if anything, such as talking to him during the day and narrating to him.

Note; Log, at the moment, may take some time to clean up.
Feeling upon thought dissipation is now gone, or at least hidden from me.



Monthly Notes;


8/3/2014 (Sunday)[/b] - I've been experiencing slight to extreme headaches recently. I'm known to get them fairly often, usually to the extremes, but I've recently been getting them more than usual.
Unfortunately, even though most of them are steady, not very many have surpassed over an hour of pressure.
Headaches don't necessarily mean pressure, either, even though it may seem that way.

8/4/2014 (Monday)[/b] - I haven't been on the forums in a while. I've recently updated from 8/2/2014 up to 8/4/2014.

8/6/2014 (Wednesday)[/b] - No success in Hypnagogia. I'll have to do it on 8/7, most likely later in the day.

8/9/2014 (Saturday) - Possible parroting and/or puppeting, as well as other possible theories such as improved visualization or proven sentience.
May also be unofficially created, to the point of where he is still a static thought in the mind.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2014, 07:01:37 PM by RailOfFire »