Yuli's presence has been very faint today, but it's probably because I didn't force at all yesterday. I tend to completely avoid forcing on my days off from work despite having the most time to do it, and then I get back on track when the work week rolls back around, but I'm trying to change that by associating more things with my tulpas. Showers are one such thing that I strongly associate with Yuli, enough so that the image of her form shows up in my mind anyway; music is another, and I can't help but imagine her screaming the lyrics to a few songs.

So, with Yuli seemingly gone (or "sleeping/resting" as Lethal said), I did an active forcing session with Lethal, only I didn't realize it was her until half way through the session. At first she appeared to be Yuli, but kept answering my yes/no questions as to imply that she had changed her form. Flesh colored skin, human nose, shorter stature; she answered my questions until I asked what her name was, which she didn't give a response to, and asking her to write it didn't help much either (she wrote Lethal first, but then wrote Yuli). She finally revealed herself when I directly asked if she was Lethal. I think my negligence had made her desperate for attention. I believed that she's hardy and tenacious and all that, but it wasn't an excuse for favoritism of any kind.

Typical stuff I guess. Fake identities, cries for attention and love and generally screwing with my mind and any faith I have in their existence.

Active forced about 40 minutes, 8:40-9:20AM.

I began by visualizing Yuli's form in our wonderland house. While I was massaging her back, she reached from behind and hugged me. Then I visualized her doing different poses, kind of like nude modeling. Then I tried asking her some yes/no questions, but she only answered with no's or by not responding (things felt very sterile/blank, like I was just talking to an empty shell, not her). I decided to open my eyes and lay stomach down on my bed. This was around the 20 minute mark.

I shifted my attention to Lethal, who appeared lying to my right when I thought of her. We shared some of the dark chocolate/peppermint bark that I bought a few days ago -  she said it was good, but I still wonder how vivid it tastes compared to the real thing - while I asked her some yes/no questions; apparently, Yuli was resting, but that's only a feeling I had when I asked Lethal about her.

I turned my thoughts to Yuli, who appeared to Lethal's right, and had her taste the chocolate too. I tried the imaginary chocolate as well, but didn't taste anything (I haven't worked on imposing senses besides sight and touch). Yuli was able to answer some yes/no questions too, it seems like if the answer was more complex than yes/no, I received more of an abstract feeling or gist of what the answer was supposed to be. She didn't seem to remember posing in the wonderland house, but did remember hugging me.

I was trying to figure out why my tulpas seemed distant. Turned out their forms were very different than the ones I thought they had while trying to visualize/talk with them. Yuli seems to be proportionately bigger than before and Lethal's form has changed to something that's not completely clear to me yet.

This isn't the first time I've experienced something like this, but I'm at a loss for an explanation as to why, besides assuming that it's my tulpas. It's just a little frustrating when I feel like I'm not really talking to them.

Just taking this whole tupla business one step at a time, even though it's been a about one year since I've started tulpaforcing in general. It feels like our progress flips between regression and breakthroughs.

Last night before sleeping, I tried to have Yuli possess my hand. Not seeing any immediate results (which was silly of me to expect in the first place) I had her move on to my wrist and forearm, which, from my perspective, she was able to lift a few inches upward. This lasted only a few minutes, until it seemed like she couldn't move it anymore. Her presence quickly disappeared and was absent for the rest of the night. I was trying to do what Fede suggested in one of his posts: where one attempts to amplify the urge one feels while their tulpa tries moving their body part.

I just finished a session visualizing Yuli's form open-eyed. What I believe had originally led to her first change in form is the trouble I had trying to visualize it; it was much easier to visualize a shorter, slim figure than a taller one with more drastic curves. Fortunately, it feels much easier to visualize her form now, and being able to draw it decently helps too.

She slowly seems to be growing into her own self. While visualizing her I notice small "clips" where she seems to act automatically, whether it's moving or commenting on something that I'm thinking about, but prolonged activity while passive forcing is still a distant goal. We still have a long ways to go.

The morning shift at work is becoming the most effective time to passive force. I'm awake and moving, and it's easy to focus on Yuli while I work; however, the quality of my passive forcing quickly declines as it nears noon, and doesn't seem to increase through the rest of the day. My sweet-spot for active and passive forcing has always been within two hours after I wake up. I'll see how forcing goes while I take a morning walk, once my weekend rolls around.

Within the last two days, Yuli seems to have become female again, and has returned to her original, tall form, even down to having four large fingers (including the thumb) instead of a human-like hand, which was one of the earliest changes made to her form. When I try to visualize her in her previous shorter form, she seems distant and inactive. As always, I don't know how permanent of a change this is. It might be more convenient to skip describing any form changes from now on, so long as my observations stay the same as those in this post.

problemos.

Spelling mistake or are you just trying to sway me with your hip, cool lingo?

Some background information. I discovered tulpa.info through mlpforums around November 2012 and soon after began working on my first tulpa. Around the seven month mark, I completely gave up working on her because of doubt in our progress, but I don't blame my tulpa; I went into tulpamancing with blind faith and didn't really have a system of belief that worked for me and paid the price for that. Pretty sure she was vocal too. After giving myself a few weeks to regain some emotional stability and confidence, I decided it would be best to start fresh with a new tulpa.

My second and current tulpa, Yuli, is based off of an artist's original character of the same name. While Yuli was originally female, >6'2" and chubby, he soon changed to be approximately 5'9" and lean, and now seems to occasionally change between being male, female or androgynous while keeping the same form. This has been very different from my first tulpa, who's form appeared to change often despite her gender staying female.

Let's see, about where I stand right now. I'm a long-time lurker, new-time poster. Posting about my tulpas has always been something I've tried to avoid; it makes me feel detached from my tulpas and our progress, like I'm reading some shitty novel. Or maybe it's because mlpforum's tulpa thread is just some e-penis measuring contest about how totally cray-cray your tulpa can be. Hopefully this can become a turning point for myself. Having a somewhat productive activity that I can involve my tulpa in would be nice.

Yuli seems to be able to answer yes/no questions through head movement as well as basic phrases through feelings/wordless thoughts, although sometimes she seems to only choose one answer just for the sake of it. Besides that she doesn't seem especially active unless I completely concentrate on him. I plan to start parroting him to actually say yes/no along with moving his mouth, I just have to decide whether to use my own voice or to find one. His form is practically finished, so I'm working on consistency and detail in my visualization. I still suck at it, however, so Fede's Eye-Bo, the Ocular Fitness Program will surely be helpful, I just need a good excuse for watching such weird stuff. It's not a fad, it's a way of life, ocular fitness and all that. Maybe I should just refer to Yuli as an it until he stops changing gender.

Finding a gender-neutral voice would be a great start. Any ideas?

What I'd like to improve:

• Concentration - I lose concentration around the 30 minute mark.
• Visualization - Clarity and detail. I want the quality of my visualization to be consistent whether active/passive forcing, close- or open-eyed. I'll look into Fede's Eye-Bo, the Ocular Fitness Program.
• Passive Focus - Be able to include and talk to/with my tulpa throughout the day. I want him to be present with me when possible, in wonderland when not.