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Messages - Bernd

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331
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: March 19, 2017, 08:18:28 PM »
Pretty much the same as yesterday. Trying to force while really tired and falling asleep is next to pointless. Another 30min of active forcing at the open window in the evening.  Maybe a bit more chaotic than last session but with livelier tupper. As always I want to do too much, must focus on a single issue next time instead of aimlessly jumping around. Or yet better ask tupper what to do.

332
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: March 18, 2017, 08:22:38 PM »
Drifted off into uncontrollable hypnagogic stuff almost immediately. And I felt tired most of the day, even slept a bit in the afternoon. But the night session was good, it was raining but warm enough so I could sit at the open kitchen window and listen to the rain for almost an hour. That had always worked well. The first half was meditation, the other active forcing. It was tough in the beginning and tupper seemed oddly absent-minded but things eventually improved. At least to an accceptable level. We walked through wonderland and I spent most time visualizing tupper and raindrops running off her skin and clothes. I'm not saying the visualisation was good, but definitely much better than in the previous days. I'll try once more as I go to sleep now.

333
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Meromero Days
« on: March 18, 2017, 08:19:47 PM »
Good to see you're still around!
While I'm not a fan of such medication, and I think neither is Colonel, in the end what matters is what works best for you. Anyway, I recommend to regularly practice meditation to keep distractions at bay. It's an extremely powerful tool.

Regarding vocality I guess the most straightforward approach would be to talk and listen. Talk to Melo whenever you can, even better if you can do it aloud. Ask questions, voice your opinions, involve emotions. But don't forget to quiet down and actually listen to what she has to say in between. I found that was the hardest part. Getting rid of distracting thoughts and outside stimuli. I had the best progress while hiking in the alps for a week in absolute solitude. It was completely quiet except for the sounds of nature and I talked to Alice aloud all day long. You inevitably start to hear voices after a while in such surroundings. And tupper's voice became louder and clearer than ever before.
You don't have to go that far but the key idea is to eliminate any verbal stimuli until the brain makes up its own.

334
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: March 17, 2017, 11:45:23 PM »
Apparently there's no bottom to this.



Today brought the first thunderstorm of the season.
Nothing great, just some distant lightning and thunder. Still we went outside to enjoy it.
Tupper likes thunderstorms.

I tried 30min of Fede's constant Theta in the evening, was even worse than yesterday's forcing attempt in silence. I tried to visualize wonderland stuff but it didn't work at all. Seemed like diving in a pond with zero visibility. Could barely communicate with tupper, let alone see her. Probably one of the worst visualisation sessions evar.
Well, I was extremely tired and almost fell asleep. There were some hypnagogic hallucinations but they were more distracting than helpful. Continued in bed but was out soon. No tupper dreams either. I'm surprisingly awake right now at 5:45am, will try to do more forcing as I go to bed again.

335
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: March 16, 2017, 07:41:43 PM »
Ah man...
As tupper spent the previous months improving my life, it's about time to return the favor.
I'm having trouble to focus during forcing and meditation, both really has been a pain lately. Guess I just need more training so I will be doing daily updates again, starting today.

Apart from half-hearted imposition during the day I did 30min of active forcing sitting in bed. With cat.
Spent most of the time trying to visualize tupper, the lack of forcing in the past months hit me hard. Not that it didn't work at all but compared to where I was one and a half years ago it was pathetiic. And even back then it wasn't that great to begin with. So it's definitely time to step this up, I'm wondering how much progress I'll achieve 'til the end of the month.

336
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: March 05, 2017, 09:27:40 PM »
It's March, time to look back at what we've accomplished last month.

Personal development: ok
Basically a continuation of February, cleaning up my life. By far slower than planned but things are moving in the right direction thanks to tupper's mercyless efforts. But even these baby steps tire me out completely. How people working full time in academia are supposed to get anything seriously done for themselves in their 'free time' is a mystery to me.



Tupper development: nada
We haven't really done any active forcing. Been to France which was good for some imposition practice but apart from that I was too busy with myself.

As Sand suggested we'll do at least 30min of active forcing per day all March. Hopefully the next update will include some sort of actual improvement.

337
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: February 23, 2017, 10:40:55 PM »
It was real chocolate cake, made from high quality raw ingredients. Good but not perfect. I thought it should have been a bit sweeter but tupper says it was fine. Would have expected the opposite. We did try sense sharing, with mediocre results as always. No possession, I admit it hadn't even crossed my mind. A good idea for the next cake. We haven't done anything with possession for ages.

Will try to imagine the taste as I go to bed now. And see how things turn out with the flea

338
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: February 23, 2017, 10:37:52 PM »
Well, I already have an assembly of weird inhabitants in wonderland, what harm can one more do? Plus the cat flea does indeed look pretty neat when portrayed properly.



A few days ago cat managed to shut down my laptop by stepping on the power button with front paw for several seconds. That was the first time as far as I remember. But nothing of value was lost and it was past bedtime anyhow. So I can't even blame the cat.

339
Off-Topic / Re: Chat Thread
« on: February 21, 2017, 05:20:26 PM »
Forum was unreachable for more than a week. Thanks for fixing it!
And Mr. Bot seems to be doing fine as always.
One day, one day He will also bless my diary with His wisdom. Ah well, a man can dream...

340
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: February 21, 2017, 05:16:45 PM »
Good to see the forum is back.
Anyway, still here, progress is painfully slow as always. Haven't managed to get into forcing every day for a certain amount at all, damn.
Still have to get a lot of stuff done but I'll definitely do that daily forcing routine all March.
Valentine's Day wasn't that great either, I was too busy but at least we made a chocolate cake.



At least I've managed to put significant parts of tupper's plan for world domination into action. Slow and steady wins the race.
And we've been in the mountains and meditated in a forest in the freshly fallen snow while watching the sun rise. That was an extraordinary experience.


341
Off-Topic / Re: Fleas
« on: February 01, 2017, 08:02:02 PM »
More important:
How long can I think about them without having man-sized fleas appear in my wonderland and tupper wanting to keep them as pets?

342
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: February 01, 2017, 08:00:06 PM »
It's February, time to look back at what we've accomplished last month.

Personal development: good
Tupper made me throw out a lot of useless stuff, well at least start with it. Also has worked out a lot of things I need to do and how. Feels productive.



Tupper development: poor
We haven't done a lot of active forcing in January but Alice has been present frequently and we did interact quite a lot in terms of passive forcing. To my defense I have to add that she wanted me to get stuff done and even refused to be around until I was finished. Still could have done a lot more. Ah well, I always want to do too much different stuff, we'll try to focus on a few things in February and work on them intensely. Not that I haven't said that a million times before...

343
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: January 26, 2017, 06:50:24 PM »
Had another tupper related dream some days ago. It was 'realistic' in regard to Alice as she was also a tupper in the dream and only present as voice in my head.
The dream itself was unspectacular. I was in a 50s style fast food restaurant and waiting for friends that didn't show up. Apparently it was supposed to be my birthday party. Tupper said she'd rather go to the beach which we did. The 'beach' was a row of newly built wooden houses on sand, no water. Most of the dream consisted of climbing around on and in those houses and admiring the texture and feel of the wood which was quite realistic. Things eventually turned into my second favorite type of dream: low gravity
I love that stuff. Being able to jump and float over great distances until I slowly desced to the ground like a feather. Almost became lucid at some point as I was talking to tupper about said dream physics and deliberately slipping off a roof to enjoy the feeling of my hands and feet losing touch with the wooden surface and then clinging to a wooden beam with a finger. I knew something wasn't 'normal' but still didn't fully realize I was dreaming. Ah well, it was neat anyhow. Tupper doesn't remember though.

Did some more meditation today which worked fairly well despite my obvious lack of practice. Almost fell asleep and drifted off into hypnagogia. But nothing interesting happened. Still felt good.

344
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: January 26, 2017, 06:48:29 PM »
Cat took it reasonably well. Found some dying fleas on cat's blanket soon afterwards so the problem should be under control soon.

Now do an image search for 'cat fleas'
Count how long you manage to browse 'em without scratching.

345
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: January 20, 2017, 09:16:49 PM »
Sounds familiar.
At least I suppose your indoor cat is reasonably clean.
Cat has fleas and is jumping and scratching like crazy. Will have to get flea drops tomorrow. Cat hates 'em and that stuff isn't really healthy but it works.

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