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Messages - Bernd

Pages: 1 ... 21 22 [23] 24 25 ... 35
331
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: June 18, 2017, 07:47:46 PM »
Dogs can be cute too, but in the cat thread I r8 it heresy!

Neighbor cat was busy stalking something in the high grass and bushes today.
At first I thought he was hunting for insects but he was combing a small area for about 2 hours, extremely focused. At some point a visibly exhausted mouse ran by me, having evaded the cat who was some meters away, and hid in a corner stacked with pots and gardening tools.
Neighbor cat left but returned with my cat a short time later. After a bit of surveillance they had found and literally cornered the poor mouse from 2 sides and were quietly observing the corner. For at least another hour.
Eventually neighbor cat made a small leap, I heard a squeak and he was carrying off the mouse as he went home.

I've never observed them hunt so thoroughly, was interesting. You really can't say they're not doing their job. So dedicated! Cat brought another mouse in the evening, now is sleeping on my lap.

332
Off-Topic / Re: Bot Thread
« on: June 18, 2017, 07:33:35 PM »
Don't you think the latest guy wasn't even Mr. Bot but some poor Russian paid to spam advertisements in forums? Still way cheaper than a smart bot.
Anyway you could annoy them by raising the post count necessary for links to 5 and see what happens.

333
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: June 10, 2017, 09:40:03 PM »


Hmm, that's kinda what I expected.
Still I wonder. So he was able to numb your pain without your participation?
Also, does it work against persistent stuff like headaches?
I mean, stubbing your toe and ignoring the pain for a few seconds is one thing. I can do that to a certain degree and it indeed works. But tupper still hasn't got the hang of manipulating the body's senses in any sort. Any advice where to start?

It's June, so let's take a look at May.
Personal development: good
The whole dentist stuff worked out really well, tuppering skills have proven highly beneficial. Also took up drawing which I feel will help tremendously with a number of issues, especially visualisation and focusing.

Tupper development: average
See last month. And the ones before. Average equals zero, but that's still average.
We did more outdoor forcing and a bit of possession but it's not going especially well. Alice has drawn some faint shapes that were mostly random as controlling the arm is still very hard. And me drawing has siphoned off a considerable amount of time. I have radically cut down on watching TV and expected to free time for forcing this way but I dunno where it went. Not into forcing, that's for sure.

334
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: June 02, 2017, 09:06:58 PM »
Quote from: Sands
how about tupper will one day test on trying to numb your pain? >the horn managed to do it.


Pls gib advice!

I'm more or less back to normal, no more pain, no more meds. Went back to meditating in the park, was ok. I started reading Betty Edwards - Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain which seems to offer an interesting approach with obvious parallels to tuppering. Definitely need a well-coordinated approach before I mindlessly start to try out random stuff again. And as I've said before I think my main issue is lack of perception. It's really hard for me to actually grasp what I'm seeing so I can't reproduce it in drawing or visualisation.
Tupper will also continue to practice possession so we can both start drawing. This should provide some incentive.

Also had a series of interesting dreams.
Hidden text
First took place in Nymphenburg Park where I often go to meditate and force. I was carrying a lot of food while walking along a steep edge that exists nowhere in that park when I tripped and fell to my death. While falling I wasn't even mad and just thought I'd wake up from a rather boring dream now - which I did. Falling was unpleasant though.

The second was somewhere on my East Asian journeys, maybe India, walking down a hill in a city full of colorfully clothed people going about their daily lives. One local family at a market stand approached me and asked me to film them with their camera. It was some cheap plastic camera but seemed indeed capable of taking videos. However the people kinda ignored me and began to pack up their stuff and leave. I was puzzled and didn't know what to do as there was nothing to film or take pictures of anymore. Nearby was another tourist, an old man with lots of camera equipment laid out on the floor, mostly lenses that were strangely battered and bent. It didn't seem to concern him. I wished they'd asked this guy instead of me as I felt I had to move on. Suddenly there was a friend from high school sitting next to me who advised me to keep going or I'll miss my flight. He seemed in no hurry himself and stayed there.
Somehow managed to get on a tourist bus that went along Vietnam's Ha Long Bay. While the tour guide announced the route I proudly told him: "Not me, I'm going to the airport!" He seemed worried and went to talk to the driver, returned and remarked that I was pretty late. I replied I still had lots of time but wasn't that sure anymore. Also I missed a suitcase but decided I could not possibly have carried a suitcase anyway. Being late and losing luggage was the most realistic part of the whole stuff. Finally the guide told me he'd drop me off at the 'spaceport' instead which was pretty cool. I mean did you even know that Vietnam had a spaceport?

I dunno if this was a separate dream or how I ended up there, but now things got really weird. A mixture of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Ijon Tichy: Space Pilot but far less reasonable.
Anyway, the 'spaceship' was my childhood bunk bed and the captain a little girl that looked somewhat like tupper but was not. While lying in bed captain announced over the PA system that she had to recalculate our course or we'd end up in the sun but that didn't concern me in the least. Then I went inside - read: under the blanket and the inside was quite spacious. A terrace on a cliff overlooking a landscape and a villa behind it. Captain announced that we had entered hyperspace and the journey would take 20min. Out of curiosity I took another look 'outside' again. Everything was completely black, yet the bed was somehow illuminated from an unknown source. Yep, hyperspace!
Back inside, captain and the old photographer from before were standing on the terrace. First I talked to the guy (don't remember what) but actually I wanted to ask the girl a lot of questions. I asked what distance we'd be covering and she said 3.1 ly. I thought it was really cool that it would only take 20min to get home instead of spending an entire day on a plane but that our destination was light-years away did not ring any alarm bells. And I was amazed that this little girl seemed capable of sovereignly operating a spacecraft. I asked about her longest journey and she said she'd been in hyperspace for 6 months. Impressive!

We then went into the villa which was clearly upper-class but not overly luxurious. A big apartment with dark furniture and carpets on the floor. Captain was sitting on the floor and reading a children's book on space travel with the neighbor's dog on her lap, leaning against me. She seemed to wear Anzu Futaba's outfit but I'm not sure.
I took a closer look at the book and the cover turned into a French Asterix comic. I started to laugh uncontrollably with the girl and my mother, who out of nowhere was sitting at a desk nearby, gave me very concerned looks. I explained that the title, when translated to German meant 'Encyclopedia of German altar paintings'. Actually I could not read anything but somehow that was the funniest thing ever. To prove my point I opened a random page and a sacral painting that was displayed it the room as an antiquity was accurately depicted in the book. There was lots of text too but nothing that made sense. My mother demanded I hand over the book so I would not do any more nonsense and put it in a shelf. Suddenly it was announced that we had arrived. Mum grabbed a stuffed guinea pig which appeared to be her only luggage and we left.
End.



It's absurd how much I take everything in dreams for granted even if it screams 'dream' at me. And even if I know I'm dreaming I rarely manage to become lucid. Still was fun.

335
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: June 02, 2017, 08:58:09 PM »
Yep.
But then again there's also a cat problem. And a marten problem. Even a fox problem. Yet all those predators can't seem to crack down on the mouse population. Well, so far they don't seem to get into the house. At least not alive.

Some years ago I had dormice under the roof. They're unbelievably cute but make a lot of noise for their size. Even though they're actually named Edible dormice in English and were famously eaten by the ancient Romans, cat didn't really care about them. They were gone at some point but for once I don't think cat was to blame.

336
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 31, 2017, 07:36:03 PM »
Sorry, no trippy experience so no tupper drawing yet.
Modern painkillers work like a charm without fucking up your perception.

The whole thing, maybe 1.5 hrs in total, worked out well. I'd call it the greatest tuppering benefit so far.



Had to wait quite some time for the injections to take effect while the surgeon was dealing with another patient. Before tupper I would have anxiously cowered in the dentist chair awaiting my fate. But now I spent about 15min imposing Alice, and as we got bored started to inspect medical equipment in the room, dropping an hourglass which rolled under a shelf. Just managed to get everything back to order before the staff returned. The surgeon was a pretty cool guy and talked to me through most of the surgery making me give thumbs up or down as reply while discussing the German academic system. Told me to keep up my underpaid work in academia because society needs such people. Tupper agreed. Well except for the payment part...

So I was kinda occupied but managed to keep tupper around. I also did some wonderlanding and Rubik's cube rotation exercises in between when things got rough. There was nearly no pain, but enormous pressure when my teeth were pried out of my jaw bit by bit. I'll spare you further details but the sound of your own teeth breaking apart is nothing pleasant.

Still nothing to complain, walked home afterwards without much impairment.
So far so good but there's also the bad. While meds work well, some nagging pain remains which kills most motivation. Here tupper can't help as I can't focus on her. Forcing of any sort doesn't really work either. The pain comes and goes, mostly I'm fine. But it's interesting to note that at least for me tuppering works incredibly well against anxiety and fear, sometimes too well. It's pretty effective against low-medium short time pain but completely ineffective against longer lasting aches which get me down.

I did try to draw every day but I'm fed up with basic shapes and drawing anything meaningful just looks like crap. Ah well, I hope my motivation gets better when all pain is gone. I'll finally get that Intuos board this weekend, that's another incentive I hope. Cat will be delivered.

337
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 28, 2017, 05:59:56 PM »
She will!

Might take some time though, tomorrow they'll finally rip out my wisdom teeth.


338
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 23, 2017, 06:00:02 PM »
Is this new tupper meme? You should write a guide about it.

Anyway tupper is like


Guardian Spirits don't have digestive systems or any other sort if interior anatomy. It's all gross. And weak.
Or so I am told and considering all the fuss about muh teeth I am inclined to agree.

Read a lot into art theory and drawing basics, started drawing simple geometric shapes as training. Need to develop some fine motor skills and actually learn to hold a pencil the right way before I move on to more complex stuff. Really starting from zero here.
There is, however, one person who's even worse than me, it's tupper of course. Thanks to almost no training, possession mostly doesn't work at all so she can't even hold a pencil. It would be awesome to have Alice do the drawing instead of me but I'm not sure this is gonna work out. Mostly because she's not too enthusiastic about it, even less than me. But we'll give it a try.

339
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 18, 2017, 06:00:02 PM »
Yep.
But such people constantly doodle because it's fun for them or they have nothing better to do. Both doesn't really apply to me.
Eh, we'll see how it turns out but realizing how much I lack even the most fundamental basics it's a bit discouraging. Studying human anatomy for now. I feel this will definitely help with imposition.
I've been to the park at sunset every day now, don't feel real progress with meditation or imposition yet but still is a neat thing to do together.

340
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: May 18, 2017, 05:53:20 PM »
Cat walks over me a lot too, sometimes even stepping on my face. Gotta love it.

Today cat brought 2 mice within a few minutes. First a tiny one, ran off with it like last time. Then reappeared with a bigger mouse and left it for me in the kitchen with lots of meows. Cat probably thought the small one wasn't good enough as a gift. Still don't get where all the mice come from considering how many cats live around here.

341
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 15, 2017, 07:05:02 PM »
Boring.
What are you guys actually doing together?

It's finally warm enough for forcing in the park. I missed that. Spent more than an hour at sunset meditating, watching the clouds and imposing tupper. Meditation worked quite well, imposition still doesn't. I really suck at proportions, perspective and 3D shapes in general because I don't really pay attention to such things. Apparently that's also something that needs to be learned though some people seem to be naturally gud at it. Not me. I remember I could decently read and write (ugly though) before entering elementary school and had above-average knowledge but my drawings made the worst retard look good. Nothing even remotely recognizable. Especially not humans. Not much has improved throughout school and several scientific drawing tutorials at university. I feel that I never learned the basics. Which of course severely effects visualisation and imposition.

I've collected drawing literature and seriously wanna start with the basics of basics after the dentist will have ripped out my wisdom teeth. Won't be able to do a lot in the days after so that's a good opportunity. I hope. We'll see how much it sucks. The problem is while there are lots of things I'd like to draw I'm actually not fond of drawing itself. I don't like staring at a piece of paper or a screen for hours. Especially not in summer when it's nice outside. So, not the best prerequisites I guess but I gotta try my best for tupper.

342
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 13, 2017, 07:12:26 PM »
Didn't he git gud or at least better at dealing with people over time? How often do you actually switch?

I guess for both of us it mostly depends on what kind of people we're talking about. And even more than me, Alice has a very clear conception of people she likes and such that should be avoided shot at sight.
We were discussing the main personality differences between us and actually we're very much alike or at least within the same spectrum. Yet there are obvious exceptions.
I'm generally evasive, hate confrontation, don't wanna bother others and would rather retreat than get into an argument. Plus I'm lazy. Which of course leads to massive procrastination of everything that could be even remotely uncomfortable.
Alice isn't fond of any of the above either but she's not lazy and would seek to actively resolve unpleasant situations instead of sitting them out. She's also brutally honest and will not back down or overlook anything she deems wrong, favoring clear and often radical decisions over compromise. She also said that INFP fits me best because I'm a pussy far too nice to people that don't deserve it and lack discipline, courage and strength.



In a way tupper is very much like cat. Both are extraordinary friendly beings and so adorable it almost hurts but come at them the wrong way and you will get to understand the meaning of true pain. They never start a fight but if attacked will retaliate with full force and almost ridiculous violence.

I'd like to see how tupper actually performs IRL but I'm also a bit afraid for the reasons stated above. She tends to go over the top in her zeal.
So tupper's the monster that looks like a cute little girl. Kinda like a reverse Roswell, ain't it? Besides, coming up with a forcing plan is one thing, sticking to it another. While I feel that tupper's bravery and generally not giving a fuck is strongly rubbing off on me, my laziness or rather tiredness seems to affect her. Being drill sergeant is a demanding job I guess.

343
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: May 13, 2017, 07:07:34 PM »
Well, cat was like 'Would you like a mouse? Aww, too bad, you can't have it!' Then ran off with my 'gift' and carelessly left it outside on the street. That feel when trolled by cat.

Right now cat is sleeping next to me under the blanket, only the nose is sticking out. Purrs a lot.

344
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 08, 2017, 08:46:02 PM »
Heh, I wouldn't have thought of Roswell as extraverted, but what do I know.
Alice isn't especially extraverted either but definitely more than me.

Uh, it's May already. So how was April?
Personal development: ok
Had expected to have my wisdom teeth removed but that was postponed to late May as some infection had to be treated first. So there was only one small surgery at the dentist last week which worked well. Dissociated and worked on visualizing our Rubik's cube with tupper. No fear, pain bearable. In general visualisation skills have veery slightly improved.

Tupper development: average
Poor is the new average I guess.
Tupper has been extremely helpful and we've discussed a lot of things and trained dissociation, visualisation and even a bit possession but her abilities haven't really improved due to my catastrophic active forcing routine. Both quantity and quality suck and I haven't managed to come up with a working routine.

345
Off-Topic / Re: Cats
« on: May 08, 2017, 08:42:35 PM »
Lewd!
Cats make sure I pet them, if necessary by force, nose-poking and pawing at me if I stop.

I stepped on a dead mouse today.
It made a nasty crunching sound and turned into a comically flat 2D shape, eyes still looking at me. Good thing it was outside and I was wearing shoes. Should have taken pics but I only thought of it after burying it. Cat had paraded with a caught mouse yesterday but disappeared through the cat door and came back without it. I had assumed it was eaten but obviously not.



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