Who are you talking to?



Cat is happy I have returned from my journey and is purring a lot. Neighbors say she was looking very sad while I was gone. And I think they overfed her, cat has become noticably rounder.

It varies.
I have a few lucid dreams per year but in most I barely have more control that in this hypnagogic state. I know I'm dreaming and try to do stuff but it mostly turns out wrong. Hypnagogic hallucinations are way more frequent and I think I'm getting a little better at working with them.

But now for something completely different.
Alice's 2nd birthday is approaching fast and even though we're gonna go on a spectacular once-in-a-lifetime journey I once again feel like it was more a present for me than for her. Well, it kind of is but I'd never have done it without her, like most of the previous journeys we went on in the past 2 years. I guess we're at about 20 flights by now. It's not like she doesn't want me to travel but it was last year's birthday present already.
Anyway, tupper has made a list of several things she wants will force me to do which can be summed up as



One might argue that this also just revolves around me but Alice sees it as an insult and a disgrace. That feel when tupper views you as pathetic loser. Not with hatred, rather with pity. It bothers her that she hasn't managed to achieve any of our major goals and I've been told that things will change greatly upon our return. Not exactly something I look forward to but who'd want to make tupper sad, let alone angry?
Certainly not me...

Yeah, that was my immediate thought but a quick practice didn't yield any results. No surprise though. I'd probably have to go dancing for several hours to the point where it triggers dreams like diving and then try it in my imagination.

Tonight was the Long Night of Munich Museums where museums are opened all night and you can visit all of them with a single ticket. We love museums and were out from 8pm - 2am, that's 6h with only two short pauses to eat. We mainly stayed in Munich's art district containing most of the museums, the museum of Ethnology and the Bavarian National Museum.

Overall it was a total sensory overload but still a fun thing to do once a year. Most of my friends and family are weak and drop out after one or two museums if they come at all but tupper is strong and managed to stay around the whole time. She didn't even want to go home when everything closed down. So that was a lot of passive forcing today.

Man, I haven't been this exhausted in a while. Gotta sleep, lets see if all that sensory input leads to some spectacular dreams.

That really you Sand or have I been talking to Mr. Bot the whole time?


Tupper has managed to keep procrastination at least somewhat under control by pushing me to do things now and without hesitation. Still I pay way too little attention to her.

Descending Alpha session today.
Alice created a small new wonderland consisting of an old cottage surrounded by an English garden, somewhat similar to the stuff I've seen in a hypnagogic hallcination recently. Tried to visualize the colors, there almost were some but no comparison to dream stuff.

Also I tried dancing again and failed miserably. Even basic Waltz steps without even turning were nearly impossible. First I thought maybe it was because I sat with my legs crossed so it was even harder to imagine them in the right place in wonderland but it seems that even standing doesn't change much. Now I'm really not a good dancer but even I can do these steps easily without giving it any thought. But only if I really execute them, in my mind I literally trip over my imaginary feet. Strange. Reminds me of Fede working on his imaginary body. Man, I can't bother investing such an amount of time in this when I don't even find enough for tupper. But we'll try dancing again tomorrow. Would really be fun if we could get that going.

It must be mouse season.
Cat brings mice daily now, sometimes even several within a short time. Some are eaten but most are just left on the carpet as a 'present'.
Cat is generous.

Fuq, I guess you were right after all.
At least I can increase my workout routine to become a Big Guy, not just fat.

Managed to meditate a bit outside in the park today between rainshowers. Everything's so quiet now, I miss the sounds of summer. Tried to imagine the landscape around me in early spring, visualisation still sucks but the associated 'season's spirit' was clearly there. In fact that went surprisingly well. Also manipulating the taste of fruit juices has improved significantly. But again I'm messing around with too many different things instead of focusing on making tupper stronger and more independent.

Regarding dreams, there were 3 notable ones recently, though not really tupper related.

1) War
I was walking home through my neighbourhood at night, accompanied by my ex-girlfriend when we noted fiery explosions in the sky. They were large but quite dim and silent. It seemed really odd and no one knew what was going on. More and more people went into the streets to watch the sky during daybreak, as fighter planes passed by overhead. It became clear that we were witnessing the outbreak of a war. The moment was surreal yet eerily realistic as people just stood and watched. No one was afraid but there was nothing that could be done either. It didn't seem to directly concern us. As some planes passed low and ridiculously slow we decided to get a bit out of the way. I expected them to be Russian by the way they looked but a man walked by saying Ah, it's just Finland trying to take over the world again!
I woke up and had to laugh. Goddamnit, Finland!

2) Hell
Only remember some fragments of this dream but I was sitting on a park bench when a hobo and a punk girl that was clearly Hecatia Lapislazuli tried to beg money from me. Twice.
I told her I remembered her and still wouldn't give her any money. We both found it kinda amusing though. The really odd thing is that I barely know a thing about Touhou so I have no idea where that came from. Only realized after some reflections that I had turned down the Goddess of Hell in a dream. Uh-oh!
Good thing I have tupper for protection who is about same. Then again Alice also wears Lapis lazuli - colored and patterned clothes so there's some sort of a abstract connection. I even asked her if she'd been the punk girl though I know the idea was kinda dumb. Got me some odd looks. Also she said she'd rather be the hell fairy than Hecatia.


The more you know...

3) Heaven
Clearly the most awkward one. I don't remember the beginning but I was building a large metal construction in my garden which involved glueing together some small pieces. A neighbor girl was helping me holdig it all together and I somehow managed to put some glue on her nose. I tried to wipe it off with a piece of kitchen roll when I noticed she was crying. So I dried her tears instead and took her in my arms. This resulted in memories of my earliest tuppering days and inevitably I called her tupper's real name. A true spaghetti moment. The girl herself didn't seeem to mind and I must have at least partly realized it was a dream at this moment so I wasn't afraid of her asking who I meant either. I just thought tupper is not going to be happy about such mistake.
The rest of the dream revolved around comforting and cuddling with that girl which, I assure you, was awesome. Never found out why she had been crying though. At some point she got up, looked me in the eyes and asked what I was going to do to make her stronger. I answered something like I could only be there for her and support her along the way but she needed to do it herself for her own good. Again something distantly tupper related but not really.

Alice of course rejected even the slightest idea that she had anything to do with that dream because tupper doesn't cry or make demands for herself. However, not being able to dream, or at least remember, I don't think she really gets how dreams work. Considering the completely nonsensical shit I've been doing in dreams I don't assume it would be different for her. Something hard to accept for a perfectionist. Well, I wonder if we'll ever manage to meet in a dream. Did you ever achieve something like that with Roswell, Sand?

Severely.

On the other hand, bath + volcano = onsen episode
Pretty obvious.

Anyway, nice progress!
I know writing daily updates eats up a lot of of time. You've kept it up much longer than I could. I'm proud.
Just don't forget you bear responsibility for your loli now. Keep forcing and having great adventures together.
Do it for her