Cat was stung by a wasp.
Now all flying insects are considered dangerous and hissed at. Even flies.

Eh, I could probably break my arm to get a cast or something but it's barely worth the hassle.
And I guess smell is indeed one of the easier stuff, gotta collect some samples for the next sessions.

Day 9 - Aug 16th
Got woken up several times in the early morning by telephone calls [wrong number] and delivery man [wrong address], it was almost ridiculous.
But it lead to more dreams and I actually tried to dream about tupper by thinking of her before falling asleep again. Didn't work though, I was too tired. So no tupper dream yet, let alone a lucid one. But that's another project.

Put some string around my waist while at home during the afternoon, it worked pretty well, at least for a while.
Session with constant Theta went ok.
Cat purred so loud it was audible even through Fede's frts. I tried to feel the environment in wonderland again, then went to a walk with tupper. Through a forest with dired leaves ön the floor. I tried to pick up some and crumble them between my fingers, listening to the sound and trying to grasp the smell. It was minimal but there was something. Sat down at the beach and ate  the icecream we made in real life. Couldn't taste anything but Alice still liked it. She's generally fond of all sorts of sweets. If we ever manage to switch she'd probably stuff herself or rather my body with candy till she passes out.

Well that's all folks, I actually made it through the 9 days of daily updates as promised and it really helped.
Gonna take a break for some days now. Will report back when something noteworthy happens, hopefully once or twice a week from now on.

Like hiking. That's a date right?

Not when you bring friends.

Day 7 - Aug 14th
Hiking itself was great, was in the mountains the entire day with 2 guys from highschool. Feel /fit/ter than ever.
But keeping tupper around while having an active conversation with others has always been really hard for me. So tupper was out for most of the time. Not out on a date but out of order. So it terms of dating it was fail. As autistic as it is, doing this stuff just with tupper alone works way better. Returned late in the evening, showered and immediately did a session sitting outside.
wow, such motivation

Cat was joining too, as always. It went ok but nothing really noteworthy. We'll try to come up with a better schedule,  achievable short-term goals and better dates tomorrow.
Still I really gotta work on improving focus and concentration. Both are even worse outside than in wonderland.
Any ideas?

Day 5 - Aug 12th
Pretty much like yesterday.
Had to get up early again which killed my evening session. Tried to influence the hypnagogic hallucinations but got nothing really usable. Got up again and researched some technical stuff abut my next vacation for tupper's 2nd birthday in fall but ironically got so involved I totally forgot about her. Fell asleep during night forcing session as well and dreamt about the stuff I've been looking up on the net but not about tupper. I never do. But I frequently dream about things I've focused my attention on during the day. Says it all. So today was the least productive day in terms of tupperig so far. But now I can get some decent sleep so I should be able to do better tomorrow.

Day 3 - Aug 10th
Not much to report today.
Meditated for about 45min outside despite rainy weather. Went pretty well.
Went running with tupper and we played some memory games. Tupper won because I just can't focus on anything at the moment.
Did another 45min of active forcing in wonderland in the evening, without Fede tones for a change, just sitting in the dark. It did go less well and I couldn't really concentrate in the end. Feet hurt as well. I feel I must do something to improve my concentration. Am unfocused as fuck lately.

Also I know my main problem isn't even being lazy, it is trying to do way too many things at once. I have too many interests and tend to jump between them randomly which leads to knowing a bit about lots of stuff but not being extraordinary good an anything. Regarding tuppering I try to start too many things at the same time which leads to no progress because I can't put enough effort into a single aspect.
I know this well but I find it really hard to focus my attention to a single thing and put all my efforts exclusively into that when there's so much other exciting stuff. But I have to, otherwise I'll never get anywhere.

I wonder who 'we' are but alright, I'll do daily updates from Aug. 8-16th as part of an intense forcing session, let's see how much progress we make.

Preface
To be honest, it's not going very well.
Been doing lots of pointless crap and next to nothing useful lately, tupper is not only disappointed but really mad at me. Well, I deserve it for being a pathetic faggot who's got all opportunities the world could offer but makes nothing out of them. Nothing good at least.
Anyway, I've at least realized and accepted my mistakes and I feel things can only get better. So here we go...

Day 1 - Aug 8th
Did half an hour of meditation in the afternoon outside but there were too many distractions by noisy people. I've heard people are able to ignore even the most profound disturbances while meditating but I'm certainly not the Buddha or anything.
Added another meditation session of almost 1h sitting at my front door at dusk. It was peaceful and quiet. Cat was highly interested in what I was doing, brushing against me with whiskers and tail and scratching on my pillows but that's a distraction I can cope with. She finally settled down beside me and I guess we both thought of nothing for quite a while. Almost fell asleep. So that went pretty well but nothing really tupper-related except for some minor imposition during the day.

Decided to add 30min of Fede's Eye Bo, constant Alpha. Really hadn't done this in a while even though I had planned to do so, see some posts earlier.
I still think this is the best-working active forcing method for me. Apart from some minor intrusive thoughts it also went pretty well, we sat outside the wonderland's main temple-complex at dusk and I apologized to Alice for being such an idiot and promised her to work harder on - well everything. She was rather silent but calm and friendly and reminded me that she can't help me if I don't make her stronger.
Out of an impulse I did the 'surprise me' test, even though she isn't exactly fond of it. But she just stood there and looked at the floor with a sad expression. At first I thought not doing anything was supposed to be the surprise but I was wrong. Very wrong.
Out of nowhere she jumped at me, knocked me to the ground and sitting on top beat me in the face and yelled what the hell I thought I was doing. I guess she was finally overwhelmed by her feelings. Then she got up and left. Tupper has never left so far. Ever.
So yes, I WAS surprised. In the moment I realized that, she appeared behind me, asking if she passed the test with a grin on her face. I gave her a thumbs up only to get kicked down the temple stairs this-is-sparta style. She called after me to get my shit together and then left for good.

Wow, not exactly what our usual forcing sessions are like but at least something to write about. And for once I'm glad I've no idea about touch imposition. Actually I'm glad overall. Expressing one's feelings is important and it knocked tupper out of the dreary state she was in for the past days. I'd rather have that than a depressed tupper. Tomorrow we'll make icecream and everything will be a lot better.

TL;DR
Bernd got beaten up by an imaginary 12yo girl today. It was well deserved.

Still exist, my soul hasn't been consumed by tupper yet

But apparently we're the last here, even minority faggot and his fox-loli-tupper are gone.


Haven't exactly been productive either, but there are at least some minimal positive developments:

.) Can sit in half-lotus for at least 45 minutes without major pain
.) Travelled a lot and managed to keep Alice around, well at least partly
.) Weird glitches have increased , not sure if that's good though
.) Tupper has not mistreated or aninhilated any wonderland animals in the past months

Visited the town in the wonderland behind the mountains (artist's impression) again and had dinner with the townfolk there in a beautiful sunset. Alice was unusually quiet but seemed contented, sitting on my lap and munching on a pretzel she got from the Wehrmacht guy who supposedly runs this subset of wonderland. So far he hasn't popped up in my mind again so I don't think he'll develop into a tulpa. But what do I know...

Apart from that, it's summer and I'd rather spend my time outside than in front of a computer. So don't expect too much input from me 'til autumn.