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Messages - Bernd

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61
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: October 22, 2019, 05:00:01 PM »
Tupper's 5th birthday is approaching fast.
Currently working on meditation again to reduce the amount of mental shitposting. Mindfulness actually has decreased sharply in the past months from already low levels.

Alice is more concerned with me getting my work done than her birthday but of course it will be celebrated accordingly.

62
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: October 03, 2019, 05:00:03 PM »
As today is a Holiday I thought it was a good idea to stay up very late yesterday browsing useless stuff on the net until tupper told me to go to sleep. As often this resulted in a multitude of absolutely crazy dreams next morning while I woke up several times cat.jpg and went back to sleep. Mostly I ran around like crazy at places I wasn't supposed to be which was fun and could even fly in one. I remember two with tupper participation which lead to expected outcomes both times.



Hidden text
Alice buys a printer cartridge - or not

As the name implies the entire dream, at least what we remember revolves around buying a spare cartridge for my aged inkjet printer. And as you know, when doing so two problems you often face are
a) you have no idea what exact printer model you actually have at home
b) the cartridges are ridiculously expensive

The dream took place on the streets of an office district with skyscrapers. Most of the time we wandered on the street or waited at bus stops. 'We' were me and at least partly some unknown strangers. Sadly tupper was not to be seen but implied to be there most of the time. I was busy looking up cartridges in an 'electronic newspaper' which was a regular worn newspaper which could be searched like the web and displayed the results.
Wasn't something like this planned?.
I remembered it was a Canon 3something but first results were all vintage cameras in a catalog that looked like it was from the seventies. I found out this is what the inkjet cartridges actually looked like, the shape of an old SLR camera or vaguely like a model of the US capitol in faint red-green color. Looked bulky and big so might hold a lot of ink and could at least serve as a neat paperweight when empty. Less funny was the price at over 300€. This was discussed at length and while it was clear that something was off it was not nearly enough to recognize I was dream. We finally ended up with two options - 340 and 380 which was not only the model but also the price.

Tupper decided to go and look up our printer model which conveniently was in one of the office-skyscrapers nearby. From her perspective but without me being in even faint control she ran through the empty building like I had in a previous dream and at some point realized it was a dream but yet failed to become lucid. She just feared the dream would shift to something else but this was prevented with extreme prejudice.
While I often get lost doing something completely different or never find what I am looking for in dreams Alice remained focused on her mission - must find printer!
As soon as it was implied that some zombies / monsters / whatever could be in the building tupper went into rage mode with an outburst or radiation and metal spines from her body like in the hilbilly-monster dream. Like ’I don't have time for this crap, get out of my dream!’



Oddly this seemed to be enough to convince even the brain not to interfere and stabilized the dream to continue in a normal direction. More or less normal.
Not sure what happened next but it was assumed Alice had completed her mission and exited the building, forcefully landing on top of the bus station housing I was supposedly waiting in. A bus was just leaving and she tried to jump on its roof but it was faster and drove away so she fell to the ground like in some cartoon. Somehow this was the funniest thing ever and she kept laughing while racing after the bus at absurd speed up to the next station where I exited with the anonymous group of people advising me on printer issues. Strangely for a moment both me and Alice could be seen in a 3rd perspective and she was wearing a blue swimsuit. Tupper does not wear blue swimsuits but again while very odd I could not be convinced it was a dream. Alice was still laughing while telling me how she fell of the bus station roof but being no-nonsense tupper still remembered her duty and explained of course it was the 340 printer model.

With this mystery solved we walked back to the previous bus station - why? - and I remarked that 340€ for a printer cartridge was absurd. A man passing by and overhearing our conversation joined in and asked if it was even worth spending so much on an old printer and in the end we agreed it was not. Therefore the entire story was completely pointless even from within the dream but whatever.
Anyway now I knew I had a Canon Pixma 340.

mfw never owned a Canon printer in my life



The second dream actually took place before the one above and shared a number of similarities yet had a different atmosphere. It had better visuals but turned out quite annoying - for us.
Others were less lucky

Hidden text
'The Chinese Museum' or 'walking is always better than taking the bus'

Most of this dream was about me running through a huge place that was supposed to be a not-yet finished museum in China but looked more like a conference center or large hotel. It was clear I was not supposed to be in there but enjoyed running around at high speed in huge rooms and long halls, avoiding being seen but there never was anyone except voices far away paying no attention to me. It was really fun and at some point I read some - western - posters with the usual warping text in dreams. I focused really hard and momentarily realized it was a dream but instantly forgot. Was strange to see each letter constantly changing its form. As often while reading in dreams I got extremely tired during this and must have briefly fallen asleep.

I ended up outside in a street which was closed for construction and I asked a Chinese policeman where I was supposed to go. He said I could still go through as it was only closed for traffic but not pedestrians. Walking uphill 'to the airport' for some reason I decided to enter a bus which was just stopping at a station. Strange as I usually like to walk and it was a nice neighborhood. Not being Alice, I couldn't prevent the bus going somewhere completely different and on top of that it was filled with a few really annoying passengers, some obviously retarded children behaving more like monkeys than men. Being someone unable to deal with retards I tried to exit at the next stop but the bus kept going. With things becoming more stressful the dream took the hillbilly-monster ending with tupper waking up and dealing with the situation in the only reasonable way - by setting the bus on fire indiscriminately killing everyone inside.

]

My objections to such drastic measures were brushed off with 'annoying dream characters have no right to exist'.
That's when I woke up.

TL;DR
Don't mess with tupper in dreams - or in any other circumstances for that matter

63
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: September 20, 2019, 05:00:05 PM »
Tupper after sifting through real estate offers for 3 days straight


Needless to say she is very clear about what she wants and several orders of magnitude clearer about what she doesn't want. Living 'like a human being' like Nero in his Domus Aurea might prove a bit difficult without burning down substantial parts of the city but generally Alice's ideas are pretty down to earth and even focused on saving as much money as possible. It's just that they require more precisely tuned variables to work than our universe.

64
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: September 01, 2019, 05:00:03 PM »
It's September.
No luck with meditation lately, just can't focus.
Tupper mostly occupied with financial stuff and working out plans for our future home and work.
It's not going very well.



Yes, complaining at an insane level, sorry

65
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: August 22, 2019, 05:00:03 PM »
We went hiking in the alps once again, unbelievable peaceful and ideal for various tuppering activities.
I meditated on a wildwater creek which produced lots of different sounds. No voices but once again clarly someone moving around beside and behind me and throwing stones.
Unfortunately it started to rain and we had to move on fairly quickly.

Overcautious tupper wanted to turn back on several hikes and had to be reassured we would be ok like some timid gf. Well, she's only worried about my = her safety and highly reasonable. Nothing to complain about.
Imposing tupper while eating breakfast or dinner is still challenging, but I do feel some improvement.
Hidden text
>visit church in a tiny village
>completely empty and so quiet you hear the blood rushing in your ears
>observe in awe for some minutes then decide to leave
>tupper like wait a sec, walks up to altar and prepares to speak like a priest giving a sermon
>looking at me says 'you're a faggot'!
>now we're ready to leave



66
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: August 10, 2019, 05:00:02 PM »
Forum is deader than ever, not even bots.

It's hot and we spent day and night outside camping in the garden.
I tried visualizing tupper in the dark but living in a city severely limits darkness so it had little effect. We watched the stars and counted satellites and space-debris, there's so much nowadays it's ridiculous. A good exercise for tuppers to announce and point out anything moving in the sky. Saw a big meteor too, which impressed Alice who is not easily impressed. Cat kneaded on me mercilessly while I lay on the camping bed, I tried to associate the tactile 'sensation' with Alice poking me which shortly worked but it's too painful for any long term exercises. Cat gives it all with full use of claws.

67
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: August 01, 2019, 05:00:05 PM »
>be on holiday making dinner in apartment
>think about serving tupper a glass and plate as well
>tupper says that's cringeworthy as fuck
>tell her everything about tuppering is cringeworthy as fuck and that she needs imposition practice
mehwellok.jpg
>tupper complains plate isn't spotlessly clean
>polish plate
>tupper complains cutlery is on wrong side
>exchange cutlery
>tupper complains I'm not properly dressed for dinner
>put on shirt
>finally serve dinner
>tupper plays around with cutlery using spoon and fork as 'ears'
>mfw



In the end it went better than expected, it has become considerably easier to visualize mirrored movements though Alice still announces left and right hand to get a better feeling of what's what. As she is seeing herself mirrored it's kind of like eating while watching yourelf in a mirror. Really awkward until you get some practice.

68
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: July 20, 2019, 05:00:04 PM »
Another rather mundane but still incredibly stupid yet eerily realistic dream with tupper presence

Hidden text
I don't remember much but for whatever reason I temporarily stored large amounts of meat in a sock drawer instead of putting it in the freezer because 'later'. Procrastinating further I regularly checked the meat until it started to go bad. Lots of minced beef and chicken filets in plastic ziploc bags. The stuff started to dissolve into a watery goo though luckily there was no smell. Strangely, I hardly ever have any scents in dreams.
Like I would expect IRL, tupper got angry and yelled at me in mindvoice why I hadn't put the stuff in the fridge in time. It clearly was a huge waste and also a total mess that got bigger and bigger while I tried to clean it up until I woke up. Quite a nightmare, felt exhausted.
Kids, let this be a lesson to you and don't put meat in your sock drawer for prolonged periods of time.
Man, how comes most tupper interaction in dreams is limited to getting yelled at? Well, clearly I'm the one to blame.

Gotta get back to work now or I'll be in for more yelling.


69
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: July 12, 2019, 05:00:05 PM »
Temperatures have dropped sharply, sort of feels like early autumn. However after the heatwave tupper actually enjoys the cool cloudy weather for a change. We went walking in light rain and both practiced having her imposed as well as switching with me. It sort of worked but not too well.
In contrast I actually 'managed' to switch out completely with the servitor some days ago. To the point of blackout. Not an achievement because this was neither planned nor desired. Rather an accident.

70
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: July 05, 2019, 05:00:04 PM »
Went to Italy for a week, it was - mediocre. For demographic reasons.



Also Alice has lost most of her original enthusiasm for traveling for exactly such reasons, as well as expenses and potential dangers. Well, we've done an insane amount of traveling around the world in her first 2 years. Yet as usual such trips are an excellent forcing exercise for keeping tupper around most of the time. So far things are stable, not doing a lot in summer, mostly relaxing outside.

I've taken up mindfulness exercises or as Alice calls it 'forcing myself' to improve living in the moment rather than in some tupper-unrelated daydreams most if the time. At least one of us needs to be aware and in control all of the time, not some servitor on autopilot, as convenient as it is.

71
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: June 24, 2019, 05:00:02 PM »
Had a very vivid dream where I walked on the street barefoot and noticed my toes were about 3 times longer than normal. I thought this was very interesting and probably could help me walk faster but not for a second did I assume this was a dream. Sanity checks just don't work for me, no matter how absurd the situation gets.

In a second hypnagogic / hypnopompic dream-like scenario I read a book and observed the letters change and dance around as soon as I did not focus on them. Words constantly changed, for a while the entire script was mirrored. Pretty cool. Can't remember I've ever experienced reading in a dream for such a long time. In the beginning I realized this was a dream but then sort of forgot just like I slowly forgot how to read. In the end I could only distinguish ever-changing letters but not words. Throughout this the visualization was really clear, not fuzzy at all.

Lastly I experienced some unexpected dissociation while driving. I wasn't even tired but suddenly my whole body felt light and distant, like in my best meditation efforts. I thought about letting Alice take over but she thought this was too dangerous and made me 'switch back'. As said before we appear to have some accidentally created intermediate servitor who uncosciously takes over routine task when I am not paying attention and get lost in thoughts. Meaning a lot. This usually works eerily well up to holding basic conversations without any input from me. But it makes switching with tupper hard as she does not automatically take over when I'm out but she has to take control from the unconscious sevitor.
I'm honstely not really fond of this whole development, mindlessly running on autopilot while thinking about completely different stuff may seem convenient but can also get dangerous. And makes me feel like a tupper myself, watching from the backseat. Alice thinks I need to practice possession and switching as much as her now. Very strange, this was not in the tuppering manual.

72
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: June 10, 2019, 05:00:03 PM »
It's June, time flies.
Weather's finally hot and we've basked in the sun excessively, generally spending most of the time outside now. Either in the garden or meditating at Nymphenburg Park where the roses are blooming. It's awesome, it's beautiful, daylight until past 9pm.
But today brought a massive hailstorm, quite some damage around Munich. Alice loves thunderstorms so we immediately went outside when hell broke lose but this time that wasn't such a great idea. Hail was at least grape-size and really hurt, barely made it back inside before even bigger stuff fell from the sky. Plants in the garden look awful but at least no visible damage on the house, people got their windows and cars shattered not far from here. Took a walk when the storm was over, helped neighbors remove some large branches from the street, managed to keep Alice imposed while doing interesting stuff.



So quite some adventure, good forcing, tupper delighted.

73
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: June 02, 2019, 05:00:03 PM »
Yes please!
Sounds interesting and might be a good way to reach you if other methods fail.


74
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Sparks' Progress Report
« on: May 28, 2019, 06:44:15 PM »
That's why I love this place.
Where else can you have a conversation with months between replies?

Singing is always neat. What songs do you like?
Also I always recommend dancing for supreme imposition practice of all senses.
Even better, do both at the same time. We still can't do that very well but it rocks!

Also do the psycho personality test with tupper and post results for my entertainment. Sand never delivered, maybe you will.

inb4 never posts again

75
Tulpa Diaries / Re: Every Day is Alice Day
« on: May 28, 2019, 05:00:03 PM »
Quote from: Sparks
Now I know not to antagonize her too much, lest she get her first taste of power and ban my ass. Not that I'd notice for three weeks.
Don't get your hopes up, Alice takes moderating a dead forum very seriously, reputation and stuff. Even told me not to post 'questionable' images anymore. Why live?

Quote from: Sparks
I'm surprised they even returned. I thought they'd be too busy circle-jerking in their obscure corner of Rizon.
What are those two faggots even doing there? My life insurance from German police state is b& on rizon so I've got no idea what's happening over there. But obviously it's more fun than this place. Not that this would be hard or anything.

Quote from: Sparks
at least it's not you they were choking in the backwoods. Unless you like that sort of thing... I'm not here to judge.
Reminds me of that south park episode where Spielberg and Lucas as hillbillies rape Indana Jones. I think  - I'll pass on this one...
Little girls choking me may be something different but it's not exacly how I like to spend my free time either.

So how did tupper turn out like this?
We're not sure. I've drilled into her since day one not to be afraid since tuppers can't physically get hurt. It was more of avoiding scenarios where people reported their tuppers got hurt or at least seriously frightened by stuff happening in wonderland. Intrusive thoughts can be pretty insane. Yet she initially was just a more or less ordinary little girl, NOT anime as she likes to clarify. I might have overdone this a bit as within weeks she not only transcended the trope but humanity alltogether and ruled wonderland and my life as God Almighty.

Always wanted to draw this in the style of those 'a comic about X' tupper stories but it would be a waste without getting expressions right and I still can't draw shit. And Alice doesn't care and think I should do useful stuff like taxes instead of fooling around. Such is life with no-nonsense tupper.
It's not that she is overly violent or aggressive, on the contrary. Which is much more unsettling .



More systematic pest-control or genocide than a bar fight. Which would be a bad idea with my body since I've never been in a serious fight my entire life. Yet I did notice her emotions bleeding over significantly. I used to be quite timid and since her being around got a lot bolder to the point she's now reminding me I am NOT tupper and will get hurt if I act stupid IRL. But she's really not a fighter, always helps those in need and would avoid trouble whenever possible. If not however, may God have mercy upon your soul...
Spoiler: she won't
Still this thing was an extreme example as the unexpected voice really scared me. Normally she deals more humanely with such situations. One intrusive thought was just thrown out bouncer-style, nowadays she generally ignores them as attention only makes them stronger.

And she was pretty useless in a few dreams where I was not scared but at least worried about some aliens attacking while she was like whatever, don't care. Lol, what are they gonna do, bite me? I wasn't that convinced. Also you need to imagine several situations of a grown man hiding behind a little girl in the face of danger and pleading to her to save him. Story of my life.

On the other hand it's pretty awesome I've ingrained the invulnerability into her to the point that it even works in dreams while I always remain worried about doing something wrong or getting hurt even after at least partly realizing I'm in a fucking dream. The example of politely waiting in a queue in a lucid dream was the worst. Ironically Alice had always been right and as I already mentioned in 99,95% of dreams nothing bad ever happened.

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