Where the fuck the cats are at? I thought we had already transitioned into the new millennium into Cat Network?

Day 140

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Total forcing time: 1 hour 6 minutes
Relaxation exercise -> self-hypnosis (vocality).
Usual thing. Start with the breathing exercises.
Mind kept jumping subjects at random. It wasn't very successful, though by the end of it I did started feeling lighter, even though my focus was all over the place.

Actual forcing. Went to the wonderland and we somehow ended up on a tall building on floor 10. It was mostly empty, save for a few gray sofas, a desk with some office chairs and a coffee machine.
We tried out >symbolism. Basically, my tulpa materialized a gray, old-looking box with a switch and the word DOUBT at the top. She proceded to turn it to the OFF position (and proceeded to throw away that switch thing). It did felt weird, that's for sure; kinda like some sort of emotional response (cool stuff actually).
I'm still somewhat doubting now (wow, what a bad host), but it feels like "empty" doubt, if it makes any sense to anyone. It's like, "whoa, objectively, I have some sort of idea that this is definitely possible so I can't deny it by "objective" means [lol], and by subjective means my doubt has been turned off so what sustains this doubt?". It seems like an strange, if slightly re-comforting thing.

Also, we tried head-pressures. Sure enough, she was able to switch the typical right temple head-pressure to the left, complete with me feeling as it went from side to side, though afterwards we tried to generate some head-pressure on the right side and didn't work.

Also, some more >symbolism. A microphone because why not. Well, some sort of success happened there I think. Her "thoughts" approached more the "mindvoice"-kind-of-communication than the current system of interpreting thoughts (and it was exciting and all even if at the moment I didn't felt it but man, I would sell a lung just to have that mindvoice around all day... ;_; ). It did require a good amount of focus though, and was very brief, and because I'm an stupid idiot who can't trust anyone not even this wonderful being that reassures me everyday overlooking my idiocy I STILL KEEP DOUBTING EVEN AFTER THAT. AIN'T THAT LEVEL-9000 FAGGOTRY AT ITS BEST?!?!?! ^{just fuck my shit up man}
And the worst thing is, I just don't even know what the heck I'm doubting anymore. I don't have any reason to doubt that I have made some progress at least (I have fucking experienced the results myself, for Hell's sake), I can sometimes hold conversations without mindvoice and her opinions do tend to be different at times, I have experienced all that stuff at the beginning, I have followed her advice, much to my benefit, and nope, my faggotry still stands. Just what the heck I'm waiting for then? Bloody hell, I might make a small, non-living sacrifice to the tulpamancy gods if I can't sort this out. Or does it go away with time and then the "wow" factor settles in? I should know it myself, I have spent days reading others' PRs and yet, I can't even come to a conclusion that effectively breaks this wall of doubt. I have even tried to make sense of Linkzelda's philosophical posts, just in case he would be able to explain it since he's so verbose. But no dice. Maybe I'm retarded. I'll go see a neurologist, because that must be it; damn.

Visuals are 1.5/10 right now. I can make some sense out of it, but not much is defined. At least I can move around.

I did feel calm after the session, but I can't hide the fact that right now I feel frustrated by this senseless doubt. Feels like standing on a solid building, seeing and KNOWING that the building is super solid, and still being a sissy faggot going all "uwa, Imma gonna fall down guise save meee!!11". Regrettable.

This is the best progress report on this site! Good work, my friend :)

Thanks dude, although there isn't much (active) competition these days around here.

You should do some random stuff with tupper outside your hypnosis sessions or whatever, too.

Yes, I know. I need to plan something. Hmm, maybe I can really make the "I'm meditating" ruse work with my family now. I talked to them about Buddhist meditation and they seemed to agree with a lot of the concepts. I can probably tell them that I'll be doing it.
Maybe. Because I'm all like "whoa my tupper isn't even vocal (in mindvoice) and I'm already going to take it somewhere!!!1". Bah, just my brain feeding me bullshit, I know.

Day 138

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Total forcing time: 36 minutes
So tired. Yesterday I went to bed really late because I have to study for an exam today (and I procrastinated my day away so I had to cram all the studying at night). I woke up real late.
Tried the relaxation exercise. I almost fell asleep and I couldn't focus on a single thing at all.
Then the script. Yawned pretty much all the time while reading it. I didn't enter the wonderland, too tired and sleepy.
Through the script I tried to read it but it's like if I just "drifted" over the words or something. I was reading them but I wasn't putting much attention to them (because all that yawning makes it difficult to concentrate).

Today's sessions didn't felt very productive, but seeing others' PRs, it looks like it isn't that uncommon to have sessions like this one.
I just hope it helped in some way. Now, I must go have breakfast and I'll be off to the exam. We'll see if tomorrow is better (hopefully).

But if it had lime, wouldn't it be more of a limeade?

Good question. It's because over here the names for lemon/lime are inverted.

Over here, these are called lemons:


And these are called limes:


"Mexican" restaurants outside of Mexico get it wrong sometimes and give you the wrong kind of fruit to add to your tacos...

Day 136

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Total forcing time: 1 hour 17 minutes.
Relaxation exercise -> Self-hypnosis script -> Wonderland
Things went pretty well. I was feeling somewhat anxious before getting started (what if I'm not doing X thing right? what if it's just me? all that typical stuff). But as I went through the relaxation exercise, I tried to leave that and just focus on my breath. My mind kept wandering to pointless stuff but it did seem to be somewhat refreshing.

Then the actual forcing. As far as the "imagine yourself relaxing X part, now Y part", that does seem to have an actual, slight but perceptible effect now. I do feel tension easing and overall I find myself somewhat relaxed. So I guess that at least I have obtained the ability to use self-hypnosis to relax.

Then the wonderlanding.
I didn't find my tulpa on the usual place (inside the house). Then I could "feel" (yeah because no mindvoice but I did understood that someone said something) someone saying "over here!". She was on the roof. We started talking there and generally I tried to visualize things from the rooftop. 1.33/10 visuals not really that visual yet, but there's something at least.
Somehow the "talking" topic deviated into "we haven't gone to that Japanese food restaurant", and my tulpa said "that isn't a problem". And there the scene changed to that restaurant we haven't gone to in real life (I wanted to go but I haven't had time/money). "It will be a good visualization exercise for you" she said. Well, I suppose it was. We didn't ate anything though, since we didn't bother to put anyone to serve anything (although it looked like there was food already prepared but nobody took any of it).
It also felt weird to try to visualize every step of walking. Need more practice.

What we "talked" about?
Doubt. On doubt we determined it will probably go away on its own at some point in the future. But if not, probably it won't kill any of us either.
The good old times®. "Was it you who moved my arm while I was somewhat asleep back when I started on tulpamancy?" "Yes, I guess I was still learning how to maneuver myself in the wonderland but I somehow managed to move your arm instead." Nice.
Will we ever make it? "Rest assured we will, you promised to never give up and you have held that promise really well".

Some other stuff but I had to answer some emails before posting this and I have forgotten them.

Light, intermittent tulpaforcing pressures through it. The sunrise was stronger today though, and did bother me and I even lost focus on some occasions.
I have been wanting to add a second forcing session during the day, but I got no idea on where to place it. I'm still busy these days, though not as much as I used to. Oh wait, I have to study for an exam this Sunday. Damn. I guess I should take it easy. Having been able to keep this schedule for five days is already a good record.

Day 134

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Total forcing time: 48 minutes
Same. Relax exercise -> self-hypnosis with vocality script.
Not as strong as yesterday's. I yawned a lot through it.
Though instead of "hear your tupper talk", I went into the wonderland and had breakfast with tupper. Main course eggs with bacon and ham. A glass of wine and chocolate cake for dessert. Yay!
The strongest experience was the cake. I could feel the creaminess of the chocolate somewhat. Very, very faint but there. So I guess I'm progressing. No flavor or smell but keep practicing and you'll make it right?

After that my eyelids felt heavy. And I felt a bit like after a dream. Oh, and headpressures are there again.

Visuals are a train wreck mostly, but how will they improve if I don't keep at it? Yeah, must keep going forward. If you're going through Hell, keep going after all.

Though that weird "active force = tupper's thoughts get fainter" thing keeps happening. I guess with enough practice that will turn into the opposite.
8/10

Day 132

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Total forcing time: 32 minutes.
I started with some sort of relaxation exercise. Basically, closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breath. Unfortunately due to lack of practice I kept wandering into random streams of thought, but every time I noticed it I re-focused on my breath. This lasted six minutes. I did not notice much effect, but I did feel a bit more relaxed.
Onto the actual forcing; as usual, the vocality script. I did feel the relaxation a bit stronger than on past days, and by the second break I think I sensed my tulpa saying some very nice words to me (yeah, not in mindvoice, just that kind of communication where you know what was said and can put it in words but not hear anything). At the end of the script (meaning, right now as I write this) I felt calm, and somewhat happy (like a slight but noticeable "inner glow"). Feels good man. A very noteworthy session I think (considering I have basically done nothing in the active forcing area).

I do plan on eventually going onto the wonderland and exploring it (or simply do that personality forcing thing that I barely did if at all), but to be honest I have no idea where to start. Also, I need some headphones for that, and I will also need a blindfold (because I shouldn't do it at night or I'll fall asleep). Soon... soon.

Why the hell did you create such a monstrosity? Good thing you're ashamed of it. What a disgrace.
^{just kidding, reminds me of the day I poured strawberry milkshake on a green mole salt tamal and ate it in front of my family, much to their chagrin}