Author Topic: Meromero Days  (Read 41300 times)

Re: Moremore Days
« Reply #15 on: April 10, 2015, 11:30:55 PM »
Solution: stop treating imaginary friends as peoples. Fewer repercussions, fewer implications, fewer expectations, less frustration, less disillusion. Treat imagination for what it is, for the sake of simplicity and practicality: as manufactured visuals, sounds, and other sensations, and nothing more. No rules, no roles. Much easier.
I kinda foresaw this kind of post from Fede at some point. It's probably reasonable, but I prefer not being reasonable. I think it's much cooler if I can go all the way with the self delusion to the point where I believe that my imaginary friends are more than just imaginary friends. It's like religion, even if you're not religious, if someone tells you they're happier with Jesus or Allah or Krishna in their lives, you'd need your fedora tipped really steeply to deny them that.

I have also noticed that tuppers (at least mine) are like cats, and enjoy being at the highest point possible, i.e. enjoy sitting on heads/necks.
Like way before I knew about tulpas, I thought a lot about how I wanted to have a fairy as my imaginary friend, who would sit on my shoulder and provide witty commentary throughout the day. Melo is supposed to be human sized, though, so it doesn't really make sense for her to climb me. But I guess anything is possible in wonderland. I still struggle with keeping her size consistent.

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2015, 01:28:33 PM »
Still forcing every day. Technically. The truth is that lately I've mostly been forcing to be able to tell myself I've done it, and thus not really achieving anything other than making myself feel less guilty than I would if I wasn't forcing at all. Might have to resort to scheduling sessions and following through by turning off all distraction and setting a timer for minimum amount of forcing. I hate doing things like this, because it makes it really seem like an obligation, but tasks that require a lot of concentration as just so hard to get started on and so easy to get distracted from.

One thing I'm really hoping to improve on for my next few days of forcing is visualization. I actually feel I've regressed since last month, which is pretty demotivating. Problem is, her appearance is based on things I have picked up from 2D images, and most of the tips for improving visualization don't seem to apply too well to visualizing 2D characters. I would really like some advice on this from anyone else with a 2D tulpa. The one thing I'm trying that seems to work a little is to stare for some time at an image with the same visual traits, trying to make note of all the features in a geometrical sense (the shape of the eyes, the length of the bangs, etc), and then standing up, closing my eyes and visualizing that she's right in front of me, first judging her general shape in relation to my own body, and then trying to fill in with those traits I just attempted to memorize. I find this works a lot better than just sitting down and trying to visualize her somewhere in my head, but there's still some problems. One is that my focus is extremely limited and doesn't seem to improve over time. I can't focus on all facial features at the same time, so I try to go through them one by one, but even this is really hard, and for things like the eyes, I usually can't focus on both the shape and the position at the same time. Other thing is that there seems to be a difference between being aware of the physical features and the over "impression" that the face gives. The latter is really subtle, and if I focus too much on physical features I lose completely track of it, making her face just a meaningless set of geometrical shapes. But if I focus too much on the latter, it doesn't feel like I'm visualizing at all. I'm getting the feeling that I'm just naturally bad at visualization, to the point where I have to do tons of concentrated effort over a long time just to start to approach mediocre.

As a last little not, the other day when I was taking a really long walk and wanted to use it as an opportunity to force, I realized it's really annoying to be in the physical world but trying to focus on something in my mind. So inspired by recent posts in this thread, I imagined that a shrunk down version of her was sitting on my shoulder. I don't intend to do this as imposition practice, I just found that having this physical, but out of sight, point to focus at helps a lot when I'm trying to force without closing my eyes. So now I do this every time I'm out walking and I start thinking of her.

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #17 on: April 18, 2015, 01:33:09 PM »
Timer is a good addition. Schedules don't work for everyone but if you're serious and are the kind that will easily get distracted/forget, giving yourself one is a good way to get actual results and make sure you actually do some work. Just be sure to make it personal enough that it works for you.

How does a 2D tupper feel like? Visualization is more than just what you see, I think. Do you only limit yourself to that or is there more?

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #18 on: April 18, 2015, 11:47:40 PM »
Feel like? Not sure how to answer that. I don't think it's too different from having a 3D tulpa, just that you get to disregard realism and apply traits that only exist in drawings.

When I talk about visualization, I just mean visual stuff. I honestly haven't thought too much about the rest yet. I've been doing some touch, it's not a big focus for me right now, but feeling her up helps me get a sense of her as a physical presence, which helps me focus on her. I wanna learn auditory hallucination eventually, but it seems a little harder to practice on. Smell is a little tough since I don't have any reference. Any way I can figure out how cute girls smell like without getting myself arrested? And taste... things like that should only happen between two consenting parties!

Beyond purely physical sense, there's another thing I've thought a little about lately: The idea of sensing a presence. Like, if you sit across the room from someone, even if you close your eyes and can't hear them or sense them in any other way, there's usually a very distinct awareness that the person is there. Not a sense in itself, but a feeling you get based on information you've already gathered with your senses. I feel that I used to be more aware of this when forcing, but kinda forgot about it when I became too caught up in more concrete things like being able to see her visually.

Re: Meroroys Dame
« Reply #19 on: April 19, 2015, 03:08:01 AM »
I'll say this much: my guide has a bunch of tips for making the visuals, sounds, and physical touch in your imagination more vivid. How much the visual tips can be applied to a 2D character depends on how restricted the character is in its style. Back in the year 2012, I had an imaginary friend that bore the form of Pinkie. Depending on the angle from which you view her, the way she's portrayed changes. It's kinda the same with anime characters, in that their style also tends to change a little whenever one views them from another angle.

In my experience, it just came down to getting used to remembering the different ways in which Pinkie could be portrayed in the different angles, and applying those visual styles appropriately. Another thing it also came down to is how well she integrated with reality. Even though she was 2D, that didn't stop her from having the shadows, highlights, and colour temperature from – and reflections onto – the surrounding environment. I go by the philosophy that the more similar something is to how we unconsciously perceive reality, the more we unconsciously treat that somethng with the same respect as reality. Shading and reflection are together like that other important half in making the visual convincing, since we're so used to those things everywhere in our lives that seeing something not employ it would look out of place and not realistic (relatively, anyway; it's a pink pony).

Often, I would focus more on the colours and shading of Pinkie, and then focus on another thing, and then another thing, until I realised it was becoming quite disorganised. I eventually created a sort of visual algorithm called CSHTD: colours, shadows, highlights, temperature, details. I would gradually build up the image in steps that each took about 2-3 seconds at most.

First, I would visualise Pinkie with as bright colours as possible, caring little for the details. The colours of her... surface... were more important than the lines and other stuff. Then I would keep that image intact and add shadows onto her figure as well as onto the ground on which she stood, the wall she stood next to, and whatever else. I often had to look for the exact light source to make sure I'd get the direction right. Then, I would keep that whole thing intact and add highlights. Again, I'd do the same as before by looking for the light sources and adding highlights onto her figure; mostly highlights around the edges, like this. JD did the same highlight thing with his crew of imaginary K-On girls. Anyway, then I would add the colour temperature from the surrounding environment so she didn't look so bright and out of place. And then lastly, I would spend perhaps 10-20 seconds zooming in on her and visualising a detail on her, then quickly switch to another detail and focus on that, and keep going like that for a while.

The thing you did with standing up and visualising is also something I did in the very beginning – only I would slowly walk around in my room with my eyes still closed, sit down and get up from my bed or a chair, and interact with my imaginary friend, who was a black man at the time. I kept an imaginary version of my room in my head, but with him placed in that visual, and I would look at him and around the room and take note of things. We interacted with each other like it was a sort of "alternative plane of reality"; I strictly decided that I would only be interacting with him like that to make the fooling effect greater, since it's not like I could impose at all at the time. At the start of a session, I'd close my eyes and he'd walk into my room, either through the door or a wall. Then we'd do stuff. And at the end, he'd walk out again and disappear, and I would open my eyes. It greatly added to the depth, because it felt very much like "Oh hey, a guy was just in my room.", and I could live with the benefit of the doubt because I never directly looked at him with my eyes open. And whenever I did open my eyes, I made sure to look in the opposite direction before opening them. I would apologise every time if I accidentally looked his way with my eyes open.

Altogether, doing it like this made the time I spent with him seem more special, instead of the thing you do nowadays where the tupper is always present and always listening or some crock like that. The reason I stopped doing it is because I wanted to experiment and see how it would be if I kept an imaginary friend around at all times and visualised strictly with eyes open. I've always experimented with different techniques, you see.

Anyway, hope that helps.

tl;dr: git gud. Also add shading and reflections. And do the closed-eyed thing more.

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #20 on: April 19, 2015, 08:20:54 AM »
Wow Fodde giving out helpful advice instead of just saying to do things his way...

I always found bringing in other senses to be helpful with visualization. I don't think my sight was my best mental sense, but touch seemed to be. That's why I could usually feel things I couldn't see and by feeling I was able to see. I don't know if you have any sense that is better than the other, but you might and you might be able to use it. And for smell, well, you could really pick any smell you like. Spices, perfume, shampoo, something. Smell can be extremely simple and I have found that it's pretty easy to impose. Might not be the same in your case, but hey. Smell is one of those senses that people don't really think about but it tends to play a big part in our lives and memories.

Be sure to write in the tulpa taste thread when you taste a tupper...

Re: Meromeromeromero
« Reply #21 on: April 19, 2015, 02:41:12 PM »
Wow Fodde giving out helpful advice instead of just saying to do things his way...

Little of both, wouldn't you say?

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #22 on: April 21, 2015, 04:35:28 PM »
Any way I can figure out how cute girls smell like without getting myself arrested? And taste... things like that should only happen between two consenting parties!
Either you have your lgf or you don't.

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #23 on: May 06, 2015, 01:55:49 PM »
Okay, that was a fucking bad idea. And I can't even say I wasn't warned.

Turning something into an obligation can be beneficial, it allows you to draw on willpower to motivate you rather than just mood. But when you're short on willpower, it falls apart. And you know what will occasionally come along to steal away all your spare willpower? Real life.

So it worked for a little while. I felt that making myself dedicate long stretches of time helped me immerse myself more in the forcing. But then I realized I should really be studying for the upcoming exams (if you think my tulpaforcing habits are bad, you should look at my study habits). So I haven't really been forcing for the past ...2 weeks? Goddamnit time, slow down a little.

The absolutely worst is over, but these are still stressful times, so I have to change something about this if I want to make any progress this month (which I do). When reading about study technique, I read about a concept called interleaved practice, which is basically just a fancy term for mixing shit up, as opposed to doing the same shit for hours on end before moving on. Apparently this boosts learning quite a bit, keeps your mind on edge, I guess. I'm gonna try this out the coming days with studying, but I think it could also apply to forcing. Some visualization here, some narration there, a good sniff when the mood strikes, all hopefully adding together for a day filled with tulpa interaction. I'm not sure if it's more productive, but it sounds a lot easier to do, since I'd be riding short bursts of motivation, rather than trying to summon the willpower to put aside life completely for a long forcing session.

In other words, it would let me tulpaforce for fun. I completely forgot about having fun, and fun is pretty fucking important when you're already spending a good part of your day not having fun. If anyone has any additional advice for how to change my mindset and have more fun, I'll gladly receive it.

Oh, I should point out that that Fede post up there is great. I'll definitely be using that as my visualization method from now on. The top down approach gives me some visual information to focus on even if I can't make out every single detail, which means I don't feel like I "failed" to visualize her unless I got every detail down. It's like remembering to put up your canvas before you start painting.

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #24 on: May 06, 2015, 02:12:40 PM »
Yeah I would always suggest you to try which one works for you better: long forcing sessions or short ones. Some people need the extra time to get in the MOOD, but for some people (especially busy people or people who get distracted easily), shorter ones work the best. It's easier to set aside like 10 minutes right now or something and do it multiple times a day.

Have you had enough cake with your tupper yet? And better yet: what do you think is fun?

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #25 on: May 07, 2015, 06:07:44 AM »
Fun things are fun. In regards to tulpaforcing? It's honestly a little tough to answer. I feel that the truly fun things will come after she gains some vocality. Playing video games together, either working together to beat a single player game or playing against each other hot seat style. Watching, reading or listening to something and discuss it afterwards. Make things together. Sit down with a morning coffee together and discuss the decline of humanity. Go on fantasy adventures in wonderland together. Tulpasex. There's no shortage of fun things to do when I feel I got reliable two way interaction with her. But before that, what is there? Narration can be satisfying, since sometimes I just feel like rambling about something and don't really need a reply, but only in moderation. Wonderland can be a nice place to hang out, but it's not as fun as video games.

I'll bake a tulpacake for her later today.

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #26 on: May 07, 2015, 07:44:40 AM »
Well no, what things do you find fun so we can see if there's something that might work for you here as well. I'm sure you have thought all about what will be fun when you finally have that vocal tupper, that's the entire reason you are forcing, isn't it? But we want to avoid that mentality and find things that are fun to do now.

You could narrate while playing video games as well. Your playing will most likely suffer a bit if you keep your attention on the tupper and you want to watch out that you don't get distracted by the game, but that's a thing.

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #27 on: May 08, 2015, 05:18:13 AM »
Oh, that makes sense. I might have been approaching this with a too future-oriented mindset.

Generally I enjoy stuff like anime, video games, eroge, and music. Things that I've found it hard to incorporate into tulpaforcing without taking away too much focus from it.

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #28 on: May 08, 2015, 07:53:13 AM »
Better start singing duets with tupper.

Re: Meromero Days
« Reply #29 on: June 10, 2015, 06:40:17 AM »
Jesus Christ, it's been over a month? I really need to find a way to deal with exam stress without sacrificing on other important things.

With the little forcing I've done since last time, I'd expect to regress a little, but I actually realized something the other day, a very subtle but notable feeling. I'm not alone. No, there's not a constant feeling of presence yet, and I can easily go a long time without remembering I have company if I'm occupied with something. But when I stop and think about it, it's really hard to convince myself I'm alone. When I talk to myself in my head like I've been doing my whole life, I suddenly feel silly for talking to myself when others are around. This might just be belief made into habit after reaffirming it over a long period of time, but even that is an important step, right?

The past few days I've been taking walks for no reason other than to enjoy the sunlight or the fresh night air, and with no immediate distractions around, it's easy to see it as just spending time with her. It's mostly been a spontaneous thing, but I might make it into a habit, since it's enjoyable and I like sharing enjoyable moments with her.

I've also decided to take meditation more seriously. I've known for a long time that I get distracted by little things so easily that I can hardly even live my life properly. Last month I concluded that I could just accept that and live more capriciously, constantly switching between tasks and doing what interests me most at the time. Which seemed pretty reasonable at the time due to that whole interleaved learning principle. But after thinking more about it, there's something seriously wrong when I can get distracted after 2 minutes while doing something I honestly find fun and rewarding, but I can spend hours being lost in some mindless timesink game that I don't even know why I'm playing. And I think meditation is the key to solving this paradox, for reasons that should be obvious enough that I don't need to go into it. With all the potential benefits meditation has for tulpaforcing, I don't think anyone can afford not to do it.

Oh, and I put up post-it notes. All over my apartment. Passive forcing reminders. Not sure how much it helps, since they quickly fade into the background when I start getting used to them, but they certainly can't hurt.