Author Topic: Relationships and Behavior  (Read 17386 times)

Relationships and Behavior
« on: January 08, 2014, 12:50:44 AM »
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« Last Edit: February 17, 2021, 02:45:51 PM by Fede »

Enny

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Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2014, 01:12:27 AM »
Did edit it out, cause idunno, felt kinda silly to say. It's not my situation necessarily, it's the way you worded that last post. Imean, if you didn't strike me as one before, you kinda seemed.. Idunno what the word is, really off for that last one. Seems like you just generally dislike that kinda relationship, and in discouraging it, in favor of Tulpa relationship, which is cool and all, still love, you really kinda came off as a.. What's the word, Neckbeard doesn't feel right, but a friend who I've been trying to get in around here said something along the lines of, or more so in quoting, "like... is he actively discouraging meeting other people? I don't understand..."

That just killed me. It seems like you're about as antisocial as it gets, whether you're trying to come across that way or not. So yeah, Idunno, I've been asking people in happy relationships for advice a bit of today, and they seem to be a lot better at giving it than you, currently deemed level two Neckbeard, says I. Course, this just pertains to anything regarding being social, or doing things in the real world, I'm still happy to take suggestions elsewhere.

EDIT: And god damn it, okay, I kinda just wanna know what's wrong with liking some gal I've only seen seven or eight times, talked to once or twice. Not much, but for the third fukn time, gotta start somewhere, right? I don't know specifically what it is about her, but I do like her a good bit, yeah. And what the hell was that about the club, a couple posts back? Common ground? I know damn well our taste in games is similar, and that at least is something. Not sure why a club seems more viable to you. It kinda seems like, after thinking back on that, you're kinda just adamant on emphasizing how stupid this is, on my part. It's silly, but I don't think a crush is really stupid, by any means. GameStop might not be ideal, but hey, she's there, I can ask what she recommends, and I can certainly carry a conversation once me and whoever else are on the same page. Hell, yeah, it's her job to talk about them, but I doubt it can be awful, considering how she doesn't seem so broken as a lot of employees are, in various stores, and manages to ask if she can help like, three times per visit. As stated somewhere back there, a first name basis would be great. Definitely a start. I'm kinda starting to think it's you who doesn't really get how becoming friends with someone works. Ya talk. Then you got a name. Then you talk more. Gets more comfortable. Friends.

If I even wanna try risking that by asking her out or something after that point, then I will, but If I feel like I shouldn't, or should wait, or whatever, I won't.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2014, 08:25:16 AM by Enny »

Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2014, 01:53:41 AM »
Alright but really? Fede Do you really consider yourself so far above this kid? You are so goddamn condescending, I think I may become physically ill!
When Miriam one day is developed enough to be a satisfactory friend in all departments you feel empty in, maybe you'll think differently about friends in general, like me. Such is my hope either way, so that you may finally put an end to this desperate craving and start enjoying life with one that truly understands you like no one else ever would be able to.
As for selectively not taking what I say seriously, that's up to you. If you want to be oblivious, then so be it.
You clearly can't even begin to try to see the world through any scope but you own! You just hold up your situation as the pinnacle of of perfection, using the fact that other people aren't exactly like you as a reason to insult them.

To be completely honest, your situation sounds really terrible; you rely solely on your tulpa for companionship and let that stop you from forming any other relationships. Don't get me wrong, the idea of a tulpa drew me in for similar reasons as you listed, something to talk to that will really get what you are saying, better than probably anyone else can, but by no means would I consider that to be the only interaction I want in life. As someone who, apparently unlike you, actually had a few relationships, I can legitimately say that the whole feel is different from having a tulpa. Not inferior, not superior, just flat out different. It is completely reasonable to want both a tulpa and some relations with other people!

As for his reasons for liking this girl, sure, they are a bit shallow and childish, but why is that so infuriating to you? He has even acknowledged that they are not the best reasons, but well damn, I guess that's just not enough, you need to consistently criticize him about for no reason. I mean come on! By now, any lesson that he might have learned from your scolding is old and repeated, and that just makes him all the more likely to ignore it. Quite honestly, the reasons aren't terrible. She is pretty, that's a plus, she shares some interests in games (a point you very cleverly decide to never mention), that's a plus, she seems friendlier than other people, that's yet another plus. Plus plus plus, sure they don't say much about her actual character but people don't just display that for the public to see. That's the whole point of getting to know someone, its figuring out whether you actually like them (in a platonic or romantic way). So say this person turns out to be a neo nazi who kicks puppies and likes to catch and fry up endangered species for fun; "Well, guess THAT was a mistake, outward appearances sure can be decieving. Oh well, better luck next time,". Simple as that! He's not trying to make some life-long connection with ONLY THIS ONE GIRL FOR EVER AND EVER AND NOBODY ELSE CAN EVER DO, he is just interested in someone he met in a store! Hell, from what I can tell he would be okay if this doesn't get much past friendship, he just feels like she would be a nice friend. Just for gods' sakes, let him have his "wishful girlfriend thoughts" if he wants to, he never asked for your help.

« Last Edit: January 08, 2014, 02:24:58 AM by Septimus »

Enny

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Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2014, 01:40:30 PM »
I'd kinda consider what I'm trying to do as gradual as I can get it without taking years. There's this guy that works at an FYE, I kinda know. Some friends and I walk through, checking out the anime stuff, and looking over pony merch every week or two. Last thing I remember, he said something along "Hey guys, we've got some new pony stuff in the back.", and he asked about some of the interest, and he's a lot more friendly than he used to be. Still don't have his name, cause I'm just awful at checking, but he's gone from "can I help you?" To "oh, hey you guys, doing good?" Over a gradual course, no real effort put into it.

I do like the girl. As far as appearance, and the way she handles herself in a social environment goes, I like her a lot. Just taking it easy, and talking a bit next time I go, and the time after that.. I kinda think that's a reasonable kinda gradual, but the whole "Subjectivity" thing applies there, I guess.

I'm not trying to take you hostilely, but you're really good at unintentionally seeming condescending, and rude I guess. Just seems like you're saying any manner of getting to know a girl I like less than knowing her for a long-ass time, building up conversation bit by bit, is unreasonable, or at least, wishful thinking. Hoping anyone will respond positively to you, is in itself, wishful thinking. Just feels like a really negative thing, the way I'm interpreting it here.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2014, 01:44:19 PM by Enny »

Enny

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Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2014, 02:54:05 PM »
By unintentional, I mean seeming like a dick, when you're not inherently trying to seem like aforementioned dick. And know-it-all-ish. But hell, if that's what your going for..

Opinions opinions, though. 'F I can figure out how to get to know this gal before I approach her trying to get to know her, I'll be sure and give you some money, or something, though.

Now for all fuck's sake, Septimus was right about one thing for certain; didn't ask for advice. Was just trying to fill in my mentioning of Tupper speak as much as I possibly could, just telling one of the least important things we'd discussed that night. So let's shut up, and let me focus on figuring out what I'm gonna do - aside from Fede's pink noise junk.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2014, 03:04:36 PM by Enny »

Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #5 on: January 09, 2014, 01:33:49 AM »
Sorry, the palpable condescension and self glorification was a bit hard to slog through, my reply is thusly delayed.
 
I seem to possess the innate skill to rustle jimmies, coming off as a guy with a superiority complex to many, seeing others as being below him, shoving what he believes down others' throats as being the only right way. I believe Septimus and Enny both need to learn about the concept of self-possession, for I find they're very easily offended by my words.
Guys, don't worry, he's not condescending, we are just too inferior to understand him properly, we just need to be more like him.

I'm just stating my opinion on how I think it's what one in laymen's terms perhaps would call a "long shot", and about how I find you to have excessive wishful thoughts on this matter.
Oh, wow, he's so nice, he's simplifying down his great intelligence into "layman's terms" so that we inferiors can understand him!
No but seriously, layman's terms? Alright... so then how does one say "a long shot" in non-layman's terms? And what terms might these even be? So far as I can tell you are not referencing any particularly technical or complicated idea. Phrases like "a long shot" are colloquialisms, idioms. They are not dumbed down versions of more complicated or heavily technical ideas.

I don't believe it's about me "unintentionally" seeming condescending. All my words are intentional, I assure you. I've talked to other people with very similar phrasing who were mature enough to take in words without feeling attacked, so really, I'd say it's a subjective thing. And you're you.
...B-But you realize that, in that very sentence, you are being  condescending, right? By saying that other people are mature enough to deal with you, you are implying that whoever you are talking to is not, and because maturity is generally seen as a good thing to have, you are implying that the reader is not as good as other people, of whom you are implied to be one, as the measure for others' maturity is their level of tolerance for you. Which, by the way, is a hilariously self-absorbed and self-glorifying way to judge people.

But it's ok for you, because this is "but another opinion of mine" (which you are allowed to dismiss? even though we are judged by how well we accept your own opinions... hold on, need some more water to swallow the egocentricity), right? No, actually, it is an interpretation of your words that is well founded in reason and knowledge of the English language, but after reading your responses it seems as though you don't really get the function of opinions anyways.
Your claim that I'm going for being a dick is an opinion, as I never stated at any point that I'm in this thread or anywhere else going for being a dick. Shoving my method and accessories is done out of good heart, but I'm already past the "first-hand recommendation phase" in this thread."
Actually, his claim that you are going for being a dick is just that, a claim. And, in my opinion, it is a rather solid claim, based off what you have already said. I might as well accept this claim too, since you never denied it, you just fallaciously said that his claim is not valid because you had not previously confirmed it, which, unlike what you seem to believe, you are not required to do for the claim to be valid. Also goddamnit, if there is any product you should be pushing it is a pain reliever for the headaches that your superiority complex must give people, I mean, "done out of good heart", isn't that a bit over the top, even for you? Or do you honestly believe that everyone would be that much better off to have something you made that it would just make you a bad person for not sharing your glory?

All this said, the thing that quite possibly bugged me the most about your responses was your apparent assertion of the superiority of "natural" relationships.
He can get to know her, yes, but that seems to be more of a devoted effort rather than a friendship that sprung from what I would mostly deem a "natural process"; as in, gradually getting to know someone "just like that" without having planned something from the start like "Yush, I'm gonna do my earnest to be friends with this dude/chick."
You know what? Relationships like these suck, more often than not. They may seem nice at first, but that's all they ever really are. They are just seemingly a relationship.
I once had a romantic relationship like this myself, actually. Due to odd circumstance, a stranger and I ended up in one place together for awhile, with each other as the only consistent other people there. So, we talked, a little. Small talk, talk about our life stories, talk about the other people coming through this place. After awhile, we got used to talking to each other, so even when we were no longer bound by circumstance to this place, we went to there often to talk to each other. the friendship continued like this, we just slowly became more used to one another being around, and finally when it came to the point of dependance of one another's presence, we decided to call it romantic. Of course, being called romantic the language and actions changed to be more romantic, but still, we didn't actually know all that much about each other.In the end, we both looked back on the relationship and realized that actually, we didn't like each other at all, we had just become used to each other being there, despite not really knowing who the other person was.

So what's the point of all that? The point is, there is nothing inherently special about a relationship growing "naturally", in fact usually relationships like that turn out to be founded on nothing. It is probably much more healthy for a relationship to be actively seeking the other person out, because it means a few things. Like, that you are willing to put in effort to be near this person, or that they are not just some random stranger that you don't mind being around, but someone who seems to you to be very distinctly likeable. Heck, a tulpa represents this in probably the best way possible, you actively seek out its creation and work hard to create it, and you seem to have a pretty high opinion of tulpa relationships.


I shall have you know this is mostly how I achieved my ever-so-infamous status across the community; by incessantly shoving my method and accessories so I could test people and see whom were mature enough to resist it calmly. Although, I'm going a bit easier on it these days, but still.
... Alright but did you actually just pat yourself on the back for being an asshole? Did you really just excuse your obnoxious behavior as a test to see what people you could deem mature enough? Did you continue to actually seem regretful for being less of an obnoxious ass? I'm not sure why I bother...
« Last Edit: January 09, 2014, 01:44:44 AM by Septimus »

Enny

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Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #6 on: January 09, 2014, 01:55:59 AM »
Okay, okay, lemme rephrase the whole advice thing: Fede, you fucking dickcocker, your opinion sucks, don't give it to me unless we're dealing specifically with Tuppers. You seem to know as much as I do, granted through a warped and pessimistic set of eyes, about speaking to women, and people in general. You're an arse, subjectivity or no. If I were rude to people, claiming that my actions, and the way they were interperated therein, was partially on the account, and fault of everyone else's mindset, I might just be looking for justification, and a way to feel like I didn't need to get a kick in the teeth for being an arse. After all, their fault they took me being rude negatively, right? Not a natural reaction in the slightest, the simpletons.. Shame on them for not being as mentally evolved as I, and far too sensitive.

PS: lelel if u taek ofens 2 mi thots on u ur falt 4 beeng liek dat not mine 4 bein r00d 2 start wif (generalizing here, I'm not calling you rude necessarily, though that's how you come accross, my opinion and subjectivity considered, just stating how it seems to a metaphorical T)
« Last Edit: January 09, 2014, 02:00:03 AM by Enny »

MegaBusta

Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #7 on: January 09, 2014, 03:46:55 AM »
I'm not sure why I bother...

Stop while you're behind.

Enny

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Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2014, 04:39:34 PM »
You don't gotta be the one swearing to be really irritating, and "come accross as rude".

I think the main thing that's getting me here, is how you've been ending your points in things like, "but if you see it that way, then so be it", and generally using that as a crutch in other areas of your points. (Foreseeing my use of the word crutch to be an opinion, guys)

I can respect the fuck out of your opinions, and WOULD, if you were the kinda guy that, instead of seeming like everything anyone said doesn't remotely affect you, because you view everything as subjectivity, and opinion, on the mind of the speaker. If you would maybe.. "Oh, well I don't personally think I'm a dick, but I'll take what you said into consideration, and try to SEEM like less of a condescending dickcocker (sorry, just love the word. So powerful.)"

Like when Sands posted what he did a while back, I didn't try and thoroughly destroy what he was trying to say, or force why I thought he was wrong, or anything. He said something about how the girl was just a guy with another hole. Not exactly the whole picture, but yeah. I said, "I suppose", and mentioned how I knew of plenty of men prettier that most girls. So yeah, I figured it was completely viable. Only thing for me is that, while I don't generally care for anything but personality on say, a friend, I've always considered any possible future I'd have with another person, to be with a chick. Just preference. I like the way they sound..  So easy on the ears.. And where a guy could have that voice, and even a similar body structure, it just might not feel the same, and as well as that, we actually don't have gay people like that in Arkansas. Or at least of what I've seen. So a girl would be ideal for me, and I do respect what Sands said.

But you probably won't, whatever. I'm not really new to the Internet. I don't generally take rudeness, I don't take seemingly condescending people, seriously, because they're: A, just trolling, or: B, not trying to come accross that way, and will say, "oh, sorry man, should have worded that differently haha". Or C, in which case they're just very angry people, and/or justified in everything they're saying.

But it really doesn't seem like you're any of those. If they're all opinions, then justifiability shouldn't even be in the dictionary for you. All just a matter of perspective, provide what you can to back it up, it's still just an opinion, and as such, doesn't have to be considered. Which it doesn't seem you do. You analyze, not consider.

Your opinion is respected. I don't know how it seems, but I know anything regarding this gal IS a long shot. I think I have as much a chance as most, though, and would like to: approach her is step one. Ask about whatever game I'm buying would be step two. Get her name is step three. Then acquaintances, and friends possibly next time I visit. Just about as gradually work my way up as I can, not having known her for ages beforehand.

What isn't respected is how, where I suppose in you saying chances are low, the present chance of success is still implied, you haven't so much as suggested that it's still possible. "It's not likely, but whatever, still possible". Cause imean, it is. Fuck, I've been talking to my brother's girlfriend about it for an hour or two now, and from what I'm getting, it's a perfectly reasonable situation, that can go either way.

Even if it's probably one of those half and half things, even just befriending her is still a win. Maybe I speak and she thinks I'm easy to talk to, maybe I approach her and I look a bit too weird for her, maybe she's one of those people, where as soon as she's on a topic she likes, it seems like she's just in a trance of talking, and we make friends. About anything can happen, good or bad, but it doesn't seem like you think that's possible. Just come across as a really negative person.

Idunno, you clearly care to some degree, about what I decide to think here being based on your "opinions", because you could have easily, two posts in, said something like "Well, I don't agree, but it's your opinion (That word you love so much)"

Or, of course, I'd have gladly stopped arguing a while back, if I'd just gotten some rational feedback. Rational is taking everything said into consideration, not analyzation, and forming a reasonable, and unbiased response. Again, everything you've said so far, but with the other side of the coin on it, would have been a lot easier to accept.

Cause dear hell, I've acknowledged throughout this whole argument that it can go either way. But gosh, it feels like I'm being condemned for being a bit silly towards the first female in a very long while, if not ever that I've thought about relatively excessively. And yes, on unfair terms, with an unfair "talking at"

A conversation, even a debate, takes at least two. You're not talking with me. I'm not even talking with you. You're talking AT me, and I'm talking to myself. You're looking at what I'm saying, and it seems like the first thought that runs through your head is "well now, how do I use this to further my point?"

No need to even consider mine. Don't say you are either. Maybe when it feels like you're talking to me, you can pull off saying that you are, but as is, you're not, and that's not an opinion. That's clear as day in the way you're writing, and the way you're talking at me.

Fuck, maybe you are, you're just not making it apparent. That might help, brah.


Idunno where I was going with this. Idunno if you're not generally like this in real life, or if you actually are the Neckbeard kinda guy who enjoys speaking like you do. I've had the misfortune of knowing so many, and I'm not kidding when I say, yes, the way you speak feels exactly like that of a fedora warrior. The inherent superiority, and assumed (by the writer, mind you) intelligence in what is being written on your part, gives me flashbacks to the days of my modding a pony chat site. You may or may not be a total Neckbeard, or even a bad guy off of the web, but please live on knowing that was one of the first things that popped into my head when I got to know you (generally speaking). Don't say anything about it, just let it simmer, and try and not seem like that. Cause that's definitely not who anyone wants to be, or come across as.

Idunno what else to say. I don't think you're an awful guy, Fede. You've been a big help for me since I had my little Crisis with Miri when I started out here, if only cause you took the time to leave fedeback (haha, that was a joke). Probably done other stuff, but the main thing that's kept me going has been everyone but Megabusta's feedback. But whatever. Idunno. This place is kinda ruined for me, now. Aside from all this, I kinda just don't know what to do anymore. The pink noise stuff isn't doing anything, after a couple days' use, and I'm not sure what else to try. So meh. Unless I can think of something else to do, and post, I'm probably done here.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2014, 07:25:35 PM by Enny »

Enny

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Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2014, 08:32:16 AM »
Idunno if you're just restating yourself cause I'm being redundant, or you're unintentionally being redundant, or if I'm just not getting what it is you're saying or the other way around, but.. It's feeling redundant. I don't have much to say in this one. Simply put, I posted, you guys responded, I acknowledged, saying anything was possible, not untrue, and even though that in itself shouldn't have spurred up anything, cause ya know, doesn't inherently contridict anything about what you said, and you.. For some reason still had to get your point across, not sure why, we probably had another bout, then I distinctly remember saying I wanted to get back on track with this PR diary thing. Not sure that I needed to include a, "Okay, you most certainly don't have to give me any more opinions at this point, let me get back to work", but I'll go on and say that now.

Okay, you most certainly don't have to give me any more opinions at this point, let me get back to work.

Hell, I probably challenged you when I shouldn't have, lemme go read back on it.

Enny

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Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2014, 08:49:07 AM »
I wouldn't use petty, but I guess that's cause I'm the one going through this for the first time, so eh. I'll shush up for now.

Yeah, I'm actually in the middle of downloading that pink noise so I can try out your exercise. Hope it works out 'n stuff.

Wow. Still not hostile, and I even said "I'll shush up for now", in what was CLEARLY a FAILED attempt, to divert attention. Ain't that somethin'? But I guess the lack of a specific "okay, done here guys, let's all stop", was too much to keep it from continuing. Cough, Sands.

Gals are gals, guys are guys. Girls have another hole, but I honestly, personally, have yet to meet a girl that's essentially a guy with another hole. Respectively. Still, acknowledged, and I gave a harmless quip on what I thought of it, then you responded with another bit that wasn't anything for fite'n, then I had..

I guess. Idunno, I'm really trying to not overthink this stuff. Gonna try my luck on a female for the first time ever, and since I don't really know any women well enough to base interest on personality anyway.. Can't be condemned, have to start somewhere. Imean, may as well befriend one that at least /seems/ nice, and will approach me to ask if she can help, unlike most store peoples who glance at me, and ask the same while avoiding eye contact. Really appreciate that, even if it's a small thing. Act or not.

Idunno, like said, trying not to overthink it. I just need some money to go buy a game, so I can see if she's sociable, is she is, isn't she isn't.

Cause ya know. As I've come to find, actually asking what's nearing 12 of my Internet buds, liking someone I've not met is painfully average for a human, and yes, I do have to start somewhere.

But ya know, kept getting pressed, when there honestly wasn't anything to fight. Acknowledged all points, fairly responded in non hostile tones, not challenging not disagreeing with anyone, but whatever.

I did get more on the offensive somewhere down, acknowledged, but the redundancy by this point was a bit too much for me wee liddle heart. Whatever, make another post if you will, I'm done here.
« Last Edit: January 10, 2014, 09:02:57 AM by Enny »

Enny

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Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2014, 11:52:19 AM »
Could be he has, might not know where to look or how to navigate the forums, but whatever. Glad all that's over, though. Took feggin long enough.

No need to have mentioned yourself there, though. I think that's another something that gets on Serendipity what's his face's nerves, but oh well.

Yeah, I'll get on the Pink Noise thing.

Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #12 on: January 10, 2014, 10:30:01 PM »
I could tell form Enny's tone in his posts that he wanted this to quiet down so I just didn't check for updates, figuring I would only feel more repulsed by Fede's comments. Indeed, it's a good thing i didn't check, otherwise this might have seen a third long post by me, as there was plenty to bring up, but since its gotten what will probably be the best short-term resolution, I'll just grit my teeth and bear it. Ending up with what was a rather amusingly short period of activity on this website, since I have no desire to hang around.

MegaBusta

Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #13 on: January 11, 2014, 02:50:22 AM »
So you made an account specifically to bash Fede?

Enny

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Re: Relationships and Behavior
« Reply #14 on: January 12, 2014, 05:42:43 PM »
Idea, I ask her to a night of DnD, this can either turn out super sexy, or really bad, thoughts?