Author Topic: The mon and the first phase  (Read 54331 times)


The mon and the first phase
« on: July 27, 2015, 07:59:34 AM »
Hi all, I'm TerrorofDeeth, or ToD. I recently read about the concept of tulpa while searching through other related concepts.

I figured pretty quickly after reading through what is known about the beings known as tupla, that to create a character based on an ideal of how much I like her 2d form was in no way going to be healthy, either for myself or for her. Sorry Ion-chan, but you'll have to stay 2d.

So after much consideration I decided on her base form and work in progress name being that of Palmon, though I do plan on allowing her to deviate if she wants to from this state. I've watched the show from childhood, plus played most of the Digimon World games, and she never lost her place as on of my favourites.

So I figured after a lot of reading, that I found the idea of her creating her own personality to be one of my goals, though if she develops one or two traits from our narration time, fair enough.

Before starting visualisation, I tried using LinkZelda's self-hypnosis guide for the creation script, and I really do think it may of helped. I did seem to have a better time then I thought I would when developing a visualisation of meeting her for the first time.

I took Kiahdaj's advice about visualisation and decided to as part of the process create an area that would provide a sense of comfort to my little tupling. I imagined that she would likely feel at home in a field of flowers (Palmon's pretty much a sentient flower, so yeah) I started of at a distance and imagined what she would look like as I got closer, so it was pretty much; "wow what a large flower, huh its got eyes and a mouth and stuff." Just when I got close enough to start really visualising what I could sense about her, I was forced to forcibly quit the process when my sister got home and I had to help her with getting groceries from the car.

I was feeling really bad about this, which may have caused the reaction when I managed to slip back into visualisation. When I got back to Palmon's Field, she was crying. I ran over to her as quickly as I could while not startling her, and sat down in front of her. I gave her a gentle nudge to let her know I was back (she was crying with her hands over her eyes, so she couldn't see) and told her I was sorry for having to leave so suddenly. She beamed so suddenly, and then I was given the equivalent of a mental glomp. She then pretty much wouldn't let me go throughout while we were going through the visualisation process together, covering visual, smell and touch.

Afterwards I tried to give her a name, using several names which she didn't seem to like. Out of curiosity, I did try Palmon, and while I don't think it's the perfect name for her, she doesn't seem to mind it.

Finally, I got the feeling that she might have wanted some reassurance that I would return, so I promised that the two of us would work together to develop together, and that I would be back as often as I could

So ends the first day of mine and Palmon's journey together.

Out of curiosity, I know some, of the visualisation was likely puppetry on my part, but I dunno if the tears after I got pulled away were. I'm fairly certain I didn't consciously plan that part, so hmm.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2015, 03:15:19 PM by terrorofdeeth255 »

Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2015, 08:15:25 AM »
You never know. You'll be able to tell once you get a bit more experience and start knowing the tupper better, usually.

How does the tupper smell like?


Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2015, 08:27:26 AM »
Hmm, I don't really know how to describe it, I did get a feeling of apple? Definately not citrus though (Thank god). All I know is it smelt really nice. Sorry I can't give you much more than that
« Last Edit: July 27, 2015, 03:14:59 PM by terrorofdeeth255 »

Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2015, 10:22:31 AM »
No need to sign your posts when your name is right there. We're not stupid, we can move our eyes to the left.


Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2015, 06:31:51 AM »
My 2nd day started with me trying to develop more of an understanding of Palmon through visualisation. I worked at this for about half an hour, and managed to get a little more understanding of her according to my senses. First I crouched next to her while meeting up with her in order to gauge how tall she was - with me kneeling, the petals of her flower was just above my head. I also tried to get a better understanding of her scent - I still think she smells lightly of apples, I'll need to do some checking when I get a chance.
While her skin feels, I wouldn't say tougher, because it wasn't leathery, but was definately more durable than my own skin. She doesn't feel like it is made out of plant matter, despite looking like a humanoid plant, and was warm to the touch, almost human level. I also noticed that our flower field was easier for me to imagine, so I think I'll keep this as our wonderland unless she decides otherwise.

Once we had gone through visualisation, I started trying to narrate to her as much as possible. While my parents and sisters were home, it was all mindtalk, though once I was alone, I spoke aloud as much as possible. I figured to give her as much attention as possible, I would talk to her about any housework I was doing, any places I had vivid memories about that I drove past, one my way to different places, as well as people that I know. At several times during the day, I completed several more of LinkZelda's self-hypnosis scripts, the creative, the confidence in sentience and the wonderland visualisation. Having gone through the creative script several times now, I do feel like they are having a positive effect on our forcing.

Now late this afternoon, I had some time to myself, and decided to try another active visualisation forcing. At first everything was normal, the flower field was much like normal, but all of a sudden the temperature seemed to plummet. As it has been quite cold where I lived, I was  wearing a jumper and long pants, but I picked up on the fact that Palmon would likely have none. I made my way towards were she normally was our field, and I found her huddled up freezing cold. I figured since i know the feeling of my blankets so well, that I should be able to bring them into existence in the wonderland, somehow managed it, and wrapped the two of us up so that I could warm her up. After this point, we managed to get her warm, but other than that, the next thing I know is that I jerk awake when my parents call out for me. I figure I fell asleep at some point, but I noticed that this was by far my most vivid visualisation. I had been reading that it is possible to have more vivid visualisations at the cusp of falling asleep, so could it be this? I was also feeling slightly cold when I began visualisation - could this have been a cause of the cold snap?

I also noticed that I seem to quite often get head pressures when talking to her, and I seem to tire more quickly - I napped twice today, which I don't think has happened to me for as long as I can remember, though I must admit it might be useful, especially if what happened is what I think happened.

I'm planning on undergoing the creative script once more before reading Palmon a book to see if she likes it, and then undergoing one more visualisation session when I start getting more tired. So hopefully all goes well.


Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2015, 06:59:33 AM »
Hmm, do you think I might be puppeteering her too much by accident. I am pretty sure that I consciously didn't set her up to be crying, if that is what you are thinking. I guess it could be a more subconcious thing though. Hmm, need to definately fix this if it is. The very last thing I want is a servitor or a tulpa completely dependant on me, I don't want to do that to another being. Could you please give me some advice on what you think I should do?
« Last Edit: July 28, 2015, 07:15:12 AM by terrorofdeeth255 »


Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2015, 07:15:06 AM »
Decided to do visualisation differently today. Rather than using the wonderland method, I relaxed in bed and focused on visualising my sense of touch, feeling the sense of her resting on top of me, (but not in the more adult sense, if you think that's what I mean, can't think of any better way of explaining it atm {10 at night where I am}).
I focused on getting a better idea of how she feels by rubbing her arms, body and face. On thing I find interesting is that if I ever think of messing with the flower, apart from the petals, I always seem to get a negative feeling, as if someone is thinking "Don't do it!!". Might be my unconscious parroting, but  it does seem to happen each time I think of trying, and the feeling seems stronger. I feel that this method of visualising might allow me a better sense of if she is starting to move, so that's a plus.

At the end of that visualisation session, I visualised making a container of what I called balm of curiousity, thinking of the traits that I felt it might give her when applied, and uhh...
rubbed it in until it was all gone :embarrased:
while visualising that when the balm was completely rubbed in, she might become inclined to be more curious. I do want her to develop her own traits. But there are some, that I wouldn't mind her accepting if she doesn't mind that input. Mostly a couple of intellectual traits, as I quite often am studying for either my language self-study, or my tutoring business, and I don't want to be constantly boring her when I'm doing these activities.

At several points during this forcing session, I kinda felt like there was a weight on my chest, around where I was visualising where she was resting, so I definitely will be trying this again to see if it was a one off, or if it actually was happening. Otherwise, today was mostly consisting of passive forcing when I could spare the extra attention, as today was my first day going to work with her. I wasn't having much trouble when it was fairly quiet but staring having to put it on hold when we started to get busier. All in all, it was a good experience, and I believe I'll be more capable at passive narrating and doing my job at the same time as I practice more.
In addition since I'm pretty much just beginning my study of japanese, it actually seems to work quite well as a group activity for passive forcing.

Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2015, 07:54:04 AM »
Well, we don't even know for sure that tuppers are separate, independent beings rather than an unconscious puppet, so I don't think we can really answer that. Everyone has their own opinions and theories here, but we don't know anything for sure. You just gotta stumble into your own answers.


Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2015, 06:09:34 AM »
4th day in:
Had some time to myself this morning, so did some more active visualisation and narration forcing. I'm pretty much starting all the time now by first trying to get a sense of Palmon's body by touch. I think her traits are starting to become more mentally held together now, as it is starting to flow together with less active thought into what each area feels like. Once I get started, traits such as the small bumps that go all up her back, above her tail, are started to be supplied almost before I actively get to visualising them - I'm using visualisation by describing what I sense by the way.

Also in this session reapplied to her my special curiosity balm, which for added symbolism for me, is made from a Digi-Egg of Curiousity (As in the sacred items from the second anime) . I was thinking last night about what sort of symbolism might be used to give the infusion more oomph, and it just seemed to come from nowhere - haven't watched 02 since before I finished high school.

Continued passive narration throughout the day, and tried watching some tv with her. It was surprisingly hard to keep attention on her, but I think with more practice, this should become easier.

Just tried visualisation once more tonight, and I thought I might try something new to see if it worked. Fede, I have to say, your Eye-Bo system is awesome. I managed to last nearly the whole half hour the constant theta was playing for, and I found it far easier to visualise her body, including how she looked, which I have had trouble with. I seem to be able to click more with the touch sense of visualisation.

I won't say it was perfect, because I was definately still having some issues, but it definately had a marked effect compared to this morning.
I went through the typical system I am going through, using touch to define each part of her body, though this time, I was able to say what each section looked like, which I wasn't having much luck with beforehand. We infused more of the Curiosity Balm into her and then tried something new.

Since I have had trouble visualising sight, I haven't tried engaging in puppeting. Today though, I felt that with what I was being able to see, it wouldn't to try some light movements. We didn't work on anything too complicated, just arm movement, but it seemed to work really well. One thing I realised from researching her movements was that while the Palmon form seems to look different from humans, she does have alot of the same traits. She has the same kind of joints in her shoulders and elbows as humans, and while she only has what are basically 3 extendable vine claws on each hand, it generally seems to work almost the same, though her forearm/palm section allows her to hold stuff from either side while locking the claws together to stop slipping.

So basically what I did while visualising was move my own arms in the way I was trying to get her to puppet then used that feeling to trigger the same movement in her body. In order on first the left arm then the right arm, we managed to puppet raising the arm up and down while outstretched, swiveling the arm through the shoulder joint, bending at the elbow, and finally moving her claws. The claws I felt were pretty much equivalent to the middle three fingers on a human hand, so I used that as the base for that motion. Finally was the aim of getting her body to do that grasping motion I was talking about earlier, and it seemed to work.

After this though my head was starting to feel a bit heavy, so stopped at that point, but will definately be using the constant delta again Fede. Will try to talk to Palmon again tonight before bed.

By the way, sometimes when I say Palmon's name, I get a slightly weird feeling. Any ideas what it could be? Like, could it be that she is trying to deviate from that name? Though I don't feel anything like this when I'm visualising her form.

Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2015, 08:05:45 AM »
Well, is this weird feeling more positive or negative, or is it hard to say? At this point it could be anything if it even is related, but you could talk about it to the tupper and see if you get more. It could just be them "replying" to you in a way they can, but it doesn't have an intended message behind it.


Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #10 on: July 31, 2015, 05:27:17 AM »
5th day - 31 July 2015
Haven't had any similar sensations since Sands, so I'll keep it in mind, but not freak out atm.  :smiley:

After buying a set of headphones so I could listen better to the Entrainment tapes, I started going through mine and Palmon's current routine.
During our morning visualisation stage, have noticed that details are coming easier to me, and that less active thought is required to visualise that part of her body.
Going through our Infusion Stage, I got a feeling once we were done, that we didn't need to repeat that one anymore. It didn't seem to be an active thought, like what I generally use for narration, but was more like an emotion of maybe feeling successful - Kinda like what I feel like when I solve a puzzle. I'll keep in mind that it may not be this, so I'll try to ask how she feels about how well it took hold for her, and see if I can get a response.

Going through our motion stage, the movements felt more natural to impose, and I didn't need to go into as much detail as the last time. Eg. last time was could you move your arm up and down like I am doing. I was having to do the action myself to transmit what it should be like to her. Whereas this time, I just needed to ask if she would move her arm in the various ways.

Will passively force as much as possible during the day, and then try another active forcing session tonight.

Managed to get a second 15 minute active forcing session after dinner. Had to cut so I can help the little sister when she gets home from work, but will have another longer session once everyone else goes to bed.
I'm finding various aspects of visualisation to be more vivid and easier to impose in my mind's eye, so loving it.

For the session tonight, I'm planning on having a full half hour of active narration, to keep things fresh. Any other recommendations for activities for a developing tulpa? I don't think we have movement yet, of that helps.

Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #11 on: July 31, 2015, 09:39:04 AM »
I know what you're tlaking about feeling like you're done with something. We did some boring ass personality forcing back in the day and at some point it just felt like nothing more was to be done, even though I had planned to do more of it.

You two should go outside together if there's some nice places like parks around where you live. Do some imposition-lite where you're not trying to see her too hard (unless you want to do that) but you're just focusing on her presence and maybe her feel. Hold her hand and walk around with her, talk about the stuff you see in the real world and enjoy?


Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #12 on: August 01, 2015, 07:46:14 AM »
6th day - 1st August 2015
Had work early this morning, so didn't get a chance to have an active forcing session until tonight. Worked on passive narration throughout the day, getting better at staying focused on her while doing other things.

During tonight's visualisation practice, worked on getting a better image formed of our wonderland, not just what I could see, but what I could smell, hear, touch. Didn't work on taste tonight. I doubt Palmon would have been to happy if she had woken up and I was licking her face to see what she tastes like.  :grin: that would definitely class as a critical hit to the nads situation.

After that, decided that tonight's session would be about talking with her and trying to get responses. I think there were a couple of moments I felt something, kinda like how I feel when I wake up in the morning. The best description I think I have was that there was this drowsy feeling emanating from somewhere, but I'm not at all tired. It happened a couple of times, so I think I believe it was Palmon.

In addition Fede, when you were saying that the Ascending versions could cause trippy effects to occur, you weren't joking. I was thinking about other ways I could try to send my feelings of care and love to her, when all of a sudden I'm holding a Digivice from if I remember correctly the Data Squad series, where basically the humans feelings were what charged the power of the digimon.

I'm just theorising now but I think because of the choice of form Palmon has, and the fact I practically grew up on the different series of digimon, even through high school, it has a symbolical effect for me, as does my digi-egg infused balm, which I should mention became fully developed as a method during my first eye-bo session.

It seems it might make it easier for my mind to link to related concepts that have symbolism to me. The Digi-Eggs being related to the personality traits, and the digivice being a device that turns feelings and belief into power.

So yeah basically I'm thinking about all the things I want to say to her, and the joy I feel with her existence and so on. As I'm thinking about each thought, I see a coloured aura glowing around my hand. As I'm pouring my thoughts in, the light gets brighter, and once I'm done the energy leaps from me to the Digivice, and from there infuses into Palmon. Personally I'm surprised that she didn't wake up from that lightshow alone, but she might have inherited my sleep like a log trait.

So once that was done we just talked while lying down in our field together until the video ended and then that was the end of tonights active forcing.

Going to try and keep talking some more before bed.


Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #13 on: August 02, 2015, 07:02:07 AM »
7th Day - 2nd August 2015
Just done tonight's visualisation, half hour active forcing, though will be actively narrating after this.

Mostly tonight, worked on the same stuff that seemed to work previously. One thing though, during previous sessions, Palmon would always be i guess the best way to describe it would be asleep. That was how it felt most natural for me to visualise her without forcing an idea onto her.

But tonight, I felt that she opened her eyes and smiled gently at me. I also got several feelings that I don't think were mine, though admittedly I was feeling pretty content after seeing that cute little smile and those deep green eyes looking back at me. It didn't seem to feel foreign, but it did feel like it was coming from a slightly different area then my own feelings, if that makes sense. That little drowsy feeling was back, though I'm nowhere near tired at the moment.

Started tonight on working on amping up her feelings of hope with my Digiegg Balm - Hope type. I basically infused all my feelings of hope about my Flower Girl and our future together as I visualised myself making it then kept all those memories focused on her as we applied the balm. She definately isn't vocal at this point, but I really think she might be developing emotional responses - that definately got a feeling of satisfaction, while I was still focusing on the infusion and the way my senses perceived her.

Did my feeling infusion again tonight, she seemed to take on a brighter glow than last time, so I think it is making her stronger.


Re: The mon and the first phase
« Reply #14 on: August 03, 2015, 06:44:11 AM »

8th day 3rd August
One thing I noticed today was that Palmon seemed slightly more there, than she was before previously during our passive narration. I think this is because I'm starting to see her more active in our active forcing sessions, and that is helping deal with some doubts I had. I was slightly skeptical going in that this would work, but nothing ventured, nothing gained right?

It is definitely more difficult for me to feel her emotional responses during non-active forcing though. There were a couple of times that I do think I felt something, but it was much fainter than last nights visualisation session. Her transmissions should get stronger as we get more experience, correct? I think at the moment, the eye-bo allows me to suppress most of the non-tulpa related thoughts, which makes it easier for me to pick out emotions she sends me. Once I get more experience in "hearing" her, I believe it'll be easier to pick her transmissions from the chatter.

Was definitely a couple of points tonight where I think she sent a sort of "Can we do this instead?" It wasn't in words, but I dunno how else you could describe it. For example, during our usual visualisation of body practice, I got a "feeling" that maybe we should try mutual touch visualisation. I feel her face, she feels mine etc.. Does this sound like an actual reaction, or a subconscious decision? I'm honestly not sure, so any thoughts you have would be appreciated.

Also with our infusion of feelings, I'm getting her to hold the digivice together with me to thinking it might provide a better connection between the two of us, when I got a really strong feeling of maybe affection, care and that. I'm pretty certain this one wasn't me, because I lost track of my thoughts for a second when I felt it.

It was definitely quite strong, which does kinda make sense because I've been trying to as much as possible, even if too busy to actively mindspeak, send my feelings of affection for the flower girl inside my head. I think cause I have done that, it might be the emotion she is most capable of sending at the moment.